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* Posts by xyz

451 posts • joined 7 Dec 2007

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Got Windows 8.1 Update yet? Get ready for YET ANOTHER ONE – rumor

xyz
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Considering...

...that all developers wander about intoning "Ye must decouple, ye must decouple" how hard could it be to have Windows 8 "I'm thick, live in 1998 and run my monitor in 640x480 resolution," Windows 8 XP," "Windows 8 (7)" and "Windows 8 Hipster" interfaces? Given the time it's going to take to get Windows 8 "right" it would have been quicker.

And as for the cloud, given the "it's great" BS, I still can't believe that the only thing not connected to it is the black box of MH370, which would be more useful than putting the crash recording mechansim inside the thing that is to crash..

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Microsoft slaps LTE mobe broadband into Surface 2 slabs (Yeah, take that, iPad)

xyz
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Hepl! Hepl!

Can someone help me out here...I'm typing this on my 3.5 y.o old Win 7 laptop that cost me £350 that is wirelessly "tethered" to my Nokia 925 WinPho as is my Android tablet. I'm getting 10Megs+ download and 2.5Megs upload, on an all you can eat data mobile broadband plan, with thousands of times more minutes and texts per month than I have friends to use them on....for £28 a month. Office is on my laptop, Office is on my phone, I can develop using VS and cruise StackOverflow on the laptop whilst watching Top Gear on the phone whilst looking at Pr0n on the tablet and if anyone ever phones me I can answer them. And if I wanted, I could do all this in Tesco's car park or on a beach.

So what is the key concept issue here that I'm missing that requires me to anti up the best part of a grand for this?

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Ballmer: 'Microsoft would have a stronger position if I could redo the last TEN YEARS'

xyz
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I remember...

...sitting on a train in 2000 with my iPaq taped to my Nokia 8850, connected by infra red, not even with 2G, checking my email, looking at web sites and thinking, this is going to be great. Yup, Ballmer really humped the bunk.

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Official FACT: Gadgets are giving YOU a wrinkly 'Tech Neck'

xyz
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The rise of the 2 chins techy

I've been wondering for ages when this was going to get noticed. Once you start seeing people with a neck paunch due to their phone, you just see them everywhere. In a few years everyone's face is going to look like Jabba the Hutt's.

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Who OWNS data generated by 'connected cars' sensor slurpers?

xyz
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err...

...why don't they just put a port in the car where you can plug your phone into? That way, the phone's SIM can be the user identifier and the data owned by that user. No phone in the jack then the data defaults to the manufacturer. Can I have those lawyers' squizzillion dollars please?

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Google admits 'garbage in, garbage out' translation problem

xyz
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IIRC

>This post-modern problem means that Google's machines may be training themselves on data >generated by Google's machines...

When we tried feeding cows and pigs to cows and pigs we ended up with mad cow disease and foot and mouth, so by about half past eleven tomorrow Google could be exhibiting some very twitchy Skynet type behaviour otherwise known as having gone Ballmer.

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BT fattens up its sales thanks to hearty fibre+footy diet

xyz
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I've decided...

...to stop giving BT around £25 pcm for crap , Zen £25 pcm for crap and Vodafone £15 pcm for crap and just go with a £28 pcm tethered contract with Three, which may also turn out to be crap, but at least it'll be cheaper crap and I won't have to ask my neighbours to switch off their Xmas lights or new DVD player to see if that sorts my problems, or waste my time playing BT call out poker every 6 months or so because their green cabinet is stuffed again. It's 2014 not 1994 and time for BT to die.

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Eurocops want to build remote car-stopper, shared sensor network

xyz
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Well, Police, Camera, Action is going to be crap after this.

No more Sheriff Wyle E. Coyote doing a "pit" on some MF in his pick up, who's just shot his bitch and has run out of his driving whisky...or the Road Wars mob chasing some scroat blasting a nicked red Mini Metro 'round Slough (other shitholes are available).... Who is going to buy video of cops pressing a switch?

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Obama reveals tiny NSA reforms ... aka reforming your view of the NSA

xyz
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In a nutshell

you are all free and if you think you're not...we're watching.

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iPhone fanbois outsmart fandroids in totally reliable test of brain power

xyz
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err....

>iPhone owners are also more likely to travel abroad and have a higher opinion of themselves.

Does that mean Thailand and up their own asses?

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How the NSA hacks PCs, phones, routers, hard disks 'at speed of light': Spy tech catalog leaks

xyz
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Re: So..

Yup, I'm off as well. I don't like where this is all going so, in a few months I'll be a techless, bearded, hillside dweller in another country with a pack of dogs, a rifle and a bad attitude to strangers. Basically like one of those 'mercan survival nutters... who knew they were right all along!!

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Snowden to warn Brits on Xmas telly: Your children will NEVER have privacy

xyz
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Re: Yawn

My ground rule regarding all this is ...How far would Nelson Mandela have got if he kicked off now? Nuff said.

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BT tweaks WORDING of sex-ed web block after complaints

xyz
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Re: Govt does not get technology?

Just to clarify the Govt's position:

The internet is a new type of telly (ntot) with lots of channels that you can watch using your phone line. It's all a bit chaotic, so we're working with our major ntot providers to streamline the whole thing so the consumer gets only world class programming. Some of these channels appear to be foreign and may even come from Bulgaria, so we've decided that the ntot providers will each provide a weekly magazine, listing what's on which channel and will weed out those forgeign channels that only clutter the schedules up. This makes things much simpler and will ensure that you, the customer, only get the best ntot programmes for your enjoyment.

Pip pip!

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Feuding fanbois in a flap over piracy haven in new iOS 7 jailbreak tool

xyz
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Re: "There post also describes a dispute"

Deer Sirs...

They're not spelling mistakes. Crap english is how you tell it's malware. As a non Apple-teeny, this all just feels like handbags at dawn stuff.

Warm appreciations

etc

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Australia rebukes Apple for 'false or misleading representations'

xyz
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Yup, I've been on the receiving end of Apple's warranty policy

Bought 1 Apple product and never again. I now automatically associate Apple with a second hand car lot and just imagine some Arthur Daley type in a T shirt trying to flog me a polished turd.

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Ten top tech toys to interface with a techie’s Christmas stocking

xyz
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well, it's better than last years list that...

..only had stuff you could buy if you'd just trousered the contents of the Bank of England.

Smartwatch....really?

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Sky broadband goes TITSUP ALL DAY, thwarts Brits' Xmas web shopping

xyz
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Re: BT Slow As Well!

I'm with Zen (running through BT) and my broadband has been all over the shop for weeks now. It's like every request is being read before it's sent on and any protocol that's not http is dying on its ass. I'm in Lewisham. Do you think Dave went to China to thank them for installing the Great Firewall o' Blighty?

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GOV.UK's criminal record check IT job blow: Home Office snubs new design

xyz
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Popcorn.... we need lots of popcorn

First rule of manderinism: if we're paying for it, you're not getting the credit for it. Now that La MiLF de Soho has flounced off, expect fireworks. It'll be like a sack of rabid rats going at it hammer and tongs.

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Microsoft researchers build 'smart bra' to stop women's stress eating

xyz
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Using an El Regism..

it should be called the Redmond Airbag.Mind you V1.0 will probably hang off her ears with a plank of wood holding her chest up, for V2.0 they'll introduce a cushion for the plank and V3.0 will be virtualised and stuck in the cloud so you can access your virtual bra anyplace. Then Apple will create a patent for the iCup with rounded corners and a shiny casing. The first iCup will only have 1 cup, so that's there's a clear upgrade path to the next version. Meanwhile the Linux guys will still be researching what a woman is, and trying to draw up a use case so they can understand the problem whilst Android releases Jubbly Bean....

I must get a life

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Women crap at parking: Official

xyz
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According to my GF..

....an image of my brain wouldn't have any lines on it at all and justshow an inactive grey walmut....well until she wants plasterboard up, or the car fixed or one of the other thousand odd jobs that's on her clipboard o' doom.

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The only way is Office: UK Parliament to migrate to Microsoft cloud

xyz
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I still find it hilarious that the FCO...

offers IL2 and IL3 cloud services in a very secure data centre (somewhere in darkest Engerland near the M1, just north of Newport Pagnell and left a bit) and no other dept appears willing to buy from them. Joined up warfare. I've just have an image of 2 male bonobo dept heads penis fencing.

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UK.gov's web filtering mission creep: Now it plans to block 'extremist' websites

xyz
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Re: Well

I've already seen what happens within govt...there's a site I use and went on for a mo via an internet machine whilst waiting for a report. The site discusses "speeding" issues. It was blocked as a site of "criminal activity." So not only was it blocked but I'm recorded as trying to access a "criminals'" site. In 10 years time, they'll probably end up with a white list of sites you can access (BBC, mumsnet) and you have to submit a request to direct.gov for access to anything else. For your own security and safety obviously.

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Last 7m non-digital Brits are OUT OF LUCK: I'm OFF, says Baroness Fox

xyz
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Re: That ID scheme cracks me up.

Oh I can tell you've been there. I think she's found out what the rest of us have. Dealing with IT change in govt means fighting everyone, all the time and getting nowhere. Everyone else has generations of "how to fuck you over" training to rely on, BFFs that scratch each other's backs, an unlimited supply of elephant traps and a retirement date to allow new blood in to carry the group c***ism on forever...

...and you don't. To anyone thinking of applying for or considering Dave's request to come on this job...do yourself a favour...don't.

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Microsoft Surface slabs borked by heat-induced DIM SCREEN OF DEATH

xyz
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Re: Microsoft FAIL

whilst I agree with most of...

Do yourselves a favor: cancel the entire product line, shut down Vista RT and Vista Phone, and use your developers' time to de-ribbonize everything.

However, not all of us want to buy our kit and s/ware from the Gattaca Walled Garden of Purity or the GoogleMart Advertorium. Hopefully at MS any future cock ups will be referred to as "doing a Ballmer" and we can get some proper business functionality out of them.

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BT performs INSOURCERY on outsourced staffers to secure cash savings

xyz
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BTFS

Shouldn't that be BTFFS

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Looks like Google may ask you to PAY for YouTube music - report

xyz
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Google translate....

"We’re always working on new and better ways for people to enjoy YouTube content across all screens, and on giving partners more opportunities to reach their fans."

AKA Punters, get yer teets out, you're gonna get milked.

Oi, whilst we're at it, can El Reg get rid of those MS Dynamics ads...they are bloody annoying.

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'You're BEAUTIFUL when you're angry' 'You SEXIST PIG!' Xbox One's fresh brouhaha

xyz
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And just after the IE jail bait heroine too...

...is there some mustachioed 1970s perv running in MS's marketing dept? Milky, milky laydees...BBrrr.

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DVLA declares J14 HAD on BU14 SHT and SL14 AGS

xyz
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Woman down the road from me has

O S0 5EXY

and back in '99 I was terrified my new Merc would turn up with V 51 GNS. Luckily I missed it by 8.

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Rare BLOWJOB-GIVING APES 'face extinction from interacting with HUMANS'

xyz
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Things you wish you didn't know

It is distinguished by relatively long legs, pink lips, dark face and tail-tuft through adulthood, and parted long hair on its head.

she has a clitoris that is "three times bigger than the human equivalent, and visible enough to waggle unmistakably as she walks

Female bonobos rub their clitorises together rapidly for ten to twenty seconds, and this behavior, "which may be repeated in rapid succession, is usually accompanied by grinding, shrieking, and clitoral engorgement

two bonobo males hang from a tree limb face-to-face while penis fencing

Thank you Wikipedia...sort of like Clacton on a Friday night then

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Romance is dead: Part-time model slings $1.5bn SUEBALL at Match.com

xyz
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Shirley...

...Match looks at profile pictures before it lets them go live on site, because they won't accept all pictures. I understand (from a friend *cough*) that beNaughty does too and won't approve pictures that appear to be too good to be true, no matter how much trout or min is on display. The problem then is with nicked pix off facebook et al, so I presume the majority of people save the pic and do a Google image search to see if it's a knock off or a real person's profile If Match does look at pics (which they do because I've had a few refused) then a quick Google would save them from all this, but as stated it cuts down the scammer take. They're going down (and not in a good way)

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iCan't quite hear you: Apple teams up with Danish firm to make hearing aids

xyz
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iEar, iEye, iLol

This is like being seduced by an accountant. Much as iLoathed SJ, at least he was a showman.

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Undercover BBC man exposes Amazon worker drone's daily 11-mile trek

xyz
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SHOCK! BBC type discovers what real work is

I think the best thing to do now is get Amazon in to manage the BBC...then the licence fee would be about £2.30

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Boffins baffled after Sun fails to fry satellites

xyz
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>Nobel Prize please - I've just identified a monopole!

It's not a monopole; it's a very naughty sun.

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New NSA leak reveals invasion of the management consultants

xyz
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From the country that brought you....

involuntary conversion (plane crash)

negative patient outcome (death)

wooden inter-dental stimulators (toothpick)

and I once had an HP "go getter" (who was in full ass covering mode) ask me for the "delta on the server variance." I made her say it twice before I answered "I have no idea what you mean" and waited until she translated her BS into plain English..."which servers are aren't reporting?"

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Murdoch stands between your kids and filth with BSkyB network-level SHIELD

xyz
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Cuming soon...

Sky Pr0n HD @ £50 pcm

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Apple's new iPad Mini: ALREADY set for Black Friday PRICE SLASH

xyz
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Re: I think Target knows what it is doing

I'm from the year 2013 and I use a thing called the internet to do all my shopping as it saves all that tedious mucking about having to rub shoulders with the masses (fragant though fanbois probably are) and someone turns up on my door with said purchases...You shoud try it, it's really easy.

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Boffins boggled by ORB-shaped electrons

xyz
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Re: Why always so wrong

DAM...This has been driving me nuts for ages. Forget what "shape" the electron has, it's the fact that it has any "shape" at all that's the problem. The optimal solution is for internally dimensionless point particles and you would think that they would surround the "cock up" that is our type of matter so providing some sort of fuzzy coating around the volume that we define as an electron (and so giving it "shape"), but that leads to a massive asymmetry as these point particles wouldn't have an anti side. IMHO obviously

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BT Sport scores own goal with £897m Champions League footie rights deal

xyz
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Re: Mental!

As with F1, you do know there are numerous streams (HD,SD and flash) on the internet where you can watch your favourite sport live and for nada without having to pay the BT or Sky shilling?

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Oooh! My NAUGHTY SKIRT keeps riding up! Hello, INTERNET EXPLORER

xyz
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she's wearing panties...I've checked the video (twice)

Now I just feel dirty...suppose I'd better "Teresa May" myself in. Can anyone at El Reg check with Redmond to see how old she is before we all get into trouble?

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Sail HO! Look out Bay Area - it's the GOOGLE GALLEON

xyz
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3 barges or 3 arks???

> Google would back up the internet on the two barges, as well as an even creepier third one

Is the B "barge" where they are going to stick all the Facebook and Twitter stuff?

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Google's MYSTERY barges floating off US shores: The TRUTH

xyz
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Pretty handy when there's a earthquake though...

I wonder if the NSA has given them a heads up on a San Francisco HAARP test

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RIIIGHT. Sysadmins: Have you ever even MET an overly suave IT guy?

xyz
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Don't mess with the only constant in IT

SysAdmins always go bald (and a bit portly) and developers always go grey.. They're like team colours so you know that if you see a grey haired bloke touching a server or a bald bloke writing a "web site" there is going to be trouble. Demarcation mate!

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Three million Adobe accounts hacked? Sorry, make that 38 MILLION

xyz
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FAIL

I've heard jack sh*t out of this bunch since they told me I was affected.

Their spin department seems to be more effective at blagging journos than their "do stuff" department is at helping their customers.

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Swedish teen's sex video fine slashed: Unwilling co-star girlfriend furious

xyz
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Re: Mixed signals regarding privacy

The key word missing here is trust. She trusted him and he trusted her, so they shot a video for their own fun. We've all done it. Then Master Bates here gets the hump and uploads it, so it'll be on the internet way after they are both dead and buried for her next boyfriend, husband, children, grandchildren etc to see. So when you're bleating on about this always remember...would you like to see your granny from 40 years ago taking one on the chin (or whatever they were doing)?

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Diamonds are forever POURING down on Jupiter, Saturn - boffins

xyz
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jewelry.....AARRGGHH

Cannot say more...must wash brain out to get rid of the memory

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Laptops Snowden took to Hong Kong and Russia 'just a decoy'

xyz
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SHITE

Never have I heard so much cack...one miniute he's got the crown jewels, stuffed the US of A, taken down blighty single handed, the next he's got nothing, he's a jerk and now we're about to be given the "story" (coming in a week or 2 I presume) that as his behaviour was noticed 4 years ago, so he's been drip fed crap ever since and didn't have anything in the first place apart from some ludicrous NSA internet sniffing programme made up story.

Look, it works like this...everything is compartmentalised, no one outside a compartment knows anything, not even that the compantment exists. This includes sys admins etc. as there are no "god" accounts, or special privilages to tech support...nothing. There are audit trails of all actions and no network back ups of anything remotely "interesting." Take a tape drive, mobile, thumb drive or anything electrical into any of these places and you get the heave even if you did manage to find an unlocked netwrok or USD port. So either the NSA is completely incompetent regarding security or Snowden is Neo off the Matrix, because someone screwed up big time and their initials are N.S.A

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New Development. Where do we go?

xyz
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I presume someone above will have said similar....

In a nutshell, you're thinking in yesterday. You should be providing data driven web services (written in anything you feel like against any database you fancy) returning jSon (or XML or even bog standard html if you're all in the same domain) and your clients can really be any device (subject to security yada yada etc) calling those services via Ajax or whatever. The old idea of the client server PC is long long dead.

You end up with 2 tiers...the client (whatever it is) and the web service heads.

The web service heads can have multiple tiers or layers underneath, but none of this has anything to do with the client side.

HTH

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MI5 boss: Snowden leaks of GCHQ methods HELPED TERRORISTS

xyz
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new man in job tries to put the willies up punters.

First rule of sales...if you can't convince the punter that he's gagging for your product, make him terrified of not having it. If you don't give me all your freedoms to protect, the bogeyman/criminal/ALIEN!/paedo/terrorist/dodgy bloke at no94/anyone with a hint of a tan.....

will KILL YOU ALL!!!!

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A-D'OH!-BE: Adobe hit by 'sophisticated' MEGA HACK RANSACK

xyz
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bugger!

I had to buy a font from Adobe a few months back. At the time I thought their whole online purchasing "system" was a joke from the mid 1990s and hey guess what...it is. I am now in receipt of an Adobe "Dear John" email. The "you're shafted" email only mentions checking your credit card statements, there's nothing about the "complimentary" ass saving checks that the press seems to have been spun.

First and last time I go near that bunch of twats

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Asus NV550JV 15.6in full HD notebook - the one we didn't have to send back

xyz
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>>Does anyone make a laptop for work?

They all do...thing is it's just not cool to say so. The end result of needing a laptop for work in these tablet trendy times is what my GF ends up doing...1 laptop (because she's a proper business person who needs to type stuff and do all that other business stuff). 1 iPhone (because they took away her Blackberry because it wasn't cool enough), 1 Samsung Galaxy tablet (because a client's app only works on Android) and 1 Kindle Fire HD (because she reads books at night...I know, I know, I've explained all that) and she still carries enough paper to rebuild half the Amazon in her laptop bag.

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