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* Posts by xyz

493 posts • joined 7 Dec 2007

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New UK.gov DATA SLURPING diplomat to push US telcos to share more subscriber info

xyz

Re: Free enrollment?

So, are the spying classes over there -->? Over here <--? Here --^?

I think the way it works is if you don't know where they are, then you don't need to know...and if you did know where they are and told anyone where they are, you get banged up....welcome to the wacky world of "The Man" where your liberty is "protected" by them making sure you're fit* to be protected.

* fit in this case meaning "docile enough"

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Bono: Apple will sort out monetising music where the labels failed

xyz

That's a load of my mind then

I knew I must be wrong not monetising* myself, as I'm using the free Music+ app on my winphone to listen to free music. I'll never make the "quality" grade to be an iPhone purchaser. Hey-ho.

*kudos for the non-'Mercan spelling by the way.

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iOS 8 Healthkit gets a bug SO Apple KILLS it. That's real healthcare!

xyz

obviously

If you're so far up your own ass, you're gonna need a map

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Brit telcos warn Scots that voting Yes could lead to HEFTY bills

xyz

Re: duh

Well, here's the solution...Scotland votes "yes" and stays in the EU and England et al can do what they want and leave the EU. If Scotland votes "No" the "UK" will be leaving the EU at the upcoming English lead referendum anyway, so all Scotland will be doing is voting to stay in the Eu for about 2 years

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Oh noes, fanbois! iPhone 6 Plus shipments 'DELAYED' in the UK

xyz

Re: APPLE STORE LIVERPOOL

There are fanbois in Liverpool? Blimey! Sign-on chic!

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iPhone NFC: 'Apple, photos and security ... WHAT could go WRONG?'

xyz

well obviously...

their iwatches aren't going to be on their wrists.....willycam time

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BBC Trust candidate defends licence fee, says evaders are CRIMINALS

xyz

As someone who doesn't have a licence anymore...

I'm currently under the "he's a criminal" cosh. I'm selling my house (stc), don't have a telly anymore and don't live there, however that doesn't stop Capita's commission only goons* pestering me on the phone (how they got my mobile number is another thing) to the point I've blocked them. My house is "under investigation" with dire threats of the plague and death in BOLD RED CAPS. The upshot of all this is that Capita can do jack unless they get a court warrant.

*TVL outsource to Capita who use commission only agents (i.e. paid by results salesmen) to get the cash off you. For more info just google tvlicenceresistance

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Ballmer PERSONALLY wrote Windows' Blue Screen of Death text

xyz

mmmmmm.....

....having used windows from win 3.1 'til win 7 inc all the server versions, I think I've only had about 8 BSODs in all that time. 1 on a NT4 server, 2 on my win 7 laptop after that update screw up a couple of weeks ago and at least 5 or more on a day from hell when I had to use Lotus Notes on a win 2000 workstation... Not saying anything but thank god IBM didn't control 90% of the planet's computers.

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Drone captures shots of budding APPLE SPACESHIP HQ

xyz

Is that slot...

....where the aerial is going to go?

Obviously they're building a pyramid with round edges (tm) to bury Steve Jobs in.

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Google flushes out users of old browsers by serving up CLUNKY, AGED version of search

xyz

Re: Yay, usable maps again

It's not only maps that is now crap...The google search app on a winphone is bloody useless, dunno about other phone OSs...mind you Bing on anything is gob stoppingly, let's hump the bunk bad. I mean you really have to go some to make it so bad... even hotbot can find me, whereas Bing shows me results kinda like what I typed... maybe Google is trying to copy MS or they've employed someone called Ballmer as a consultant. It's getting to the stage where people will start looking for another search engine that isn't trying to turn a results set into a "spend" opportunity.

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What do you mean, I have to POST a PHYSICAL CHEQUE to get my gun licence?

xyz

national e-commerce project ... oh god!

He really knows what he's talking about. FFS, it'll be a web site with about a million customer entries in a database.

Mention "national e-commerce project" in the spec and you're in for a right price shafting.

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Ofcom will not probe lesbian lizard snog in new Dr Who series

xyz

Re: Priorities

Yeah but, no but...isn't interspecies "stuff" extreme pr0n? Well according to HMG and mumsnet anyway. If the maid had tried that with a horse there would have been hell to pay, but lizards are there for the taking...is that the message? Mind you I quite fancy that lizard myself...I'm off to get a gekko now to see what all the fuss is about.

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NASA to reformat Opportunity rover's memory from 125 million miles away

xyz

Re: Patch Tuesday

Goes without saying really, but surely they won't try it on a Friday afternoon. We all know what happens when you try that.

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Google's 'Captain Moonshot': I will BOMB you with DELIVERIES

xyz

Re: Lob your stuff at you from a great height

lol...well if you can't drone surf (although it will be tried, or people will tie cats to the string), you can gently drag the thing down and into the maw of an Albanian* scrap collector's van. *Other eastern europeans are available. Texans will probably think they are angels though

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xyz

Lob your stuff at you from a great height

....isn't that what existing delivery drivers do? Also I'd love to see the returns process. And I can see a great market in drone scrappage after they accidentally "fall" out of the sky. Or people hanging onto the cable to see if they can drone surf....c'mon, you know you want to.

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The police are WRONG: Watching YouTube videos is NOT illegal

xyz

Re: glad we sorted that out...

See...you're protesting too much...that will make you "interesting"...oh and you put ANAL in caps, so you're obviously a child molester too...putting that "I" in front didn't camoflage your true intentions.

So...to clarify, the correct response to anyone in authority should always be "yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir"

Chief Constable Savage

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Go on, inhale our G-Cloud via 'Digital Marketplace' – UK.gov

xyz

Try talking through this cloudy stuff to ...

....a department's data guardian and you'll get as far as "yes, it's still your data, but on someone else's servers."

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Roll up for El Reg's 3G/4G MONOPOLY DATA PUB CRAWL

xyz

All I know is....

....I took a 3 all you can eat plan for £28pcm back in Feb....result of my testing is EFFIN' AWESOME.

4G (30 odd MB) at home and around the streets in London, H+ (13Mb) at my girlfriend's in the middle of nowhere Bedfordshire where her BT landline toils at 3Mb. Feel at Home in France and Italy (please, please do Spain). And unlimited data tethering. If I had any friends, I'd even be inclined to phone them using the bundled minutes and texts. You could've borrowed my phone for the testing and we could have gone on a right bender with the cash you saved.

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Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?

xyz

I think it's best to err on the side of caution...

...and keep asking "dumb" questions. I know of one government dept that did something so unbelievable that you would imagine it was an urban myth. I can't even mention it, but it was a pant wetter. Official bodies are usually only a few committee meetings away from circling the drain of chaos and sometimes they plop in before they realise it.

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Assange™: Hey world, I'M STILL HERE, ignore that Snowden guy

xyz

"Hello, Snowden, Assange here, got other dirt on the Brits?"

"I'm thinking of taking a holiday 'soon' and I need a nice ass shafter bit o' info on Cameron and his mates that'll stop plod lifting me....what's that? No I don't fancy Ebola.,. thanks anyway."

If Julian of Knightsbridge is about to stride out of his diplomatic hostel, he must be in possession of a hefty piece of leverage. Bets please!

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Microsoft cries UNINSTALL in the wake of Blue Screens of Death™

xyz

Re: Ahh.So this explains

Had one too....Mind you I did think it was MS's way of making go get a win 8 jobby.

P.S. Jobby means a shite in Scotland.

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Giving your old Tesco Hudl to Auntie June? READ THIS FIRST

xyz

we had a similar problem with an old Kindle...

...that had been in the bath once too often. The only thing we could do with it was use an angle grinder and a lump hammer. Happy days.

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Gov.uk's broadband boast: Superfast fibre piped to 1 million Brits

xyz

and....

...having poked around my GF's BT router this morning trying to un-hotspot her, I noted that 3rd party targeted advertising (oh my not Phorm again) is enabled by default. Ergo, the faster they can lob this stinking pile o'shite out there the faster they can clog the thing up with 3rd party targeted advertising (for your comfort and security obviously). Being cynical, nice bit of cash in that, plus as it's based around your browsing habits, I presume GCHQ, mumsnet.gov.uk and FACT will be a few of the "advertisers" interested in what you've been peeking at. No wonder BT keeps getting all those lovely contracts.

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BT FON fail: Telco CHARGES customers for FREE Wi-Fi usage

xyz

mmmmm

My countryside dwelling GF was just gnawing my scroat savagely the other week after having received a "you've nearly used up all your bandwidth" email from BT and I was swearing blind that I was using my 3 data connection (13MB) and had never touched her achingly slow wireless BT POS. (3MB) Now I know.

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Brits STUNG for up to £625 when they try to cancel broadband

xyz

Re: BT

Quick question for BT users here in respect of this sign up for free BT sport . I can't quite reconcile the fact that they want you to watch sport but have a 10GB monthly usage cap.. I know when I watch an F1 stream of a race (non BT) it chomps through over a gig, so does this mean that when you try to footy up, BT are lying in wait with excess charges? Just askin'

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Leaked Windows Phone 8.1 Update specs tease details of Nokia's next mobes

xyz

Please please please

Can we get a kill switch for that bloody bing button, an audio control that's not tied to ring volume and a way to stop texts etc showing up on top of the lockscreen....that's all I really want, then they can whizzbang the thingumybob via an LTI GD diaphragm or whatever. Note to MS, no one cares about techno gubbins anymore...they expect all that to be in there but not talked about. What users do care about is that most of Bing's use statistics seem to be generated by people hitting that bloody button by accident, that you want to turn your ring volume down but not your music volume and that you don't want your missus seeing texts from your mistress when the phone is locked.( or at anytime really)

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Adam Afriyie MP: Smart meters are NOT so smart

xyz

WTF.... I thought this was a joke until I got half way down the article....and this is the sort of twat that is running the country? I kept waiting for phrases like and "soon our boffins expect to come up with marvellous new devices called horseless carriages...spiffing." Jesus...unfuckingbelievable. How old are these people?

Then I realised it was a joke...PHEW!!!

Please tell me this is a joke..please

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Verizon to limit unlimited 4G plans

xyz

well...

The NSA isn't going to be happy with that! Think of all that lost intelligence if they start throttling (sic) Bin DownThePub and his mates.

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Feel free to BONK on the TUBE, says Transport for London

xyz

So...

What TfL has done here is taken something the majority of consumers do more than once a day and offered an alternative, easier and a cost effective way to do it,” said Miles Quitmann, MD of mobile payments company Proxama

...prices will come down...naw, didn't think so. Also, I can see people getting into debt over this as a lot of people don't pay off their cards at the end of the month and that "extra" £35 quid per week or whatever gives them itchy fingers on a hot Friday evening.

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Home Office threw £347m in the bin on failed asylum processing IT project

xyz

IT System Procurement...Civil Service Guidelines

1) You don't have to know anything about what your are managing, you only need to know how to manage.

2) Any functional spec for a civil service project must comprise umpteen pages of what management information is required out of the system. The spec for how to get info into the system is must state "does minion stuff."

3) Always build 3 systems at the same time. A) The management one that management wants. B) The guerilla one the staff hack together so they can actually work and C) The pipe dream system that IT wants 'cos it has CV friendly buzzwords and BIG METAL

4) When failure is immenent, take 3A and 3B and integrate into 3C.

5) When 4 fails get Francis Maude in 'cos his guys are "hip and modern."

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PROOF the Apple iPhone 6 rumor mill hype-gasm has reached its logical conclusion

xyz

It lights up so muggers can clearly see you coming...oh and for the "colours" mob, the colour will be the sweet light of God ( or Jobs if he's taken over heaven already)

Sent from my kitchen

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PICS: Nokia Lumia 930 – We reveal its ONE unique selling point

xyz

well apart from that bloody Bing button

I love my 925 and can't think of a "missing" app problem I've had, so if you're worried about getting a 930 then don't. If I want to Android up I tether my tablet to the phone and if I want a laugh I go watch my GF throwing her company given iPhone 5S against a wall.

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ALIEN BODY FOUND ON MARS: Curiosity rover snaps extraterrestrial

xyz

Oi! careful with the headlines

Arken over at ATS will probably have a heart attack (or orgasm or both) when he reads the above

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UK Parliament rubber-stamps EMERGENCY data grab 'n' keep bill

xyz

You've got to ask yourself...

what exactly is the deep pile of cack that they're trying to cover over? Nope I don't know either, but it must be a belter, because someone high up has gone "shit, shit, fuckity shit" and it's all hands to the pumps.

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NASA: ALIENS and NEW EARTHS will be ours inside 20 years

xyz

Not...

..if the neocon fundementalists of the USofA have anything to say about it they won't. Doesn't Nasa know the earth is only 5000 years old and was built by GOD for Texans?

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Do YOU work at Microsoft? Um. Are you SURE about that?

xyz

ATTENSHUN!

All those who think the start button is old fashioned take one step forward.

[sound of machine guns being cocked]

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Phab-u-less: Huge MONSTER iPhone 6 not due until 2015 – claim

xyz

but shirley...

...we'll need the fashion industry to come up with iKecks first so you can slip your iKidYouNot into the pockets...maybe that's what the delay is? Mind you it'll probably end up being be just a normal iphone that comes with a wearable "smart" magnifying glass..... otherwise know as a monocle.

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UK gov rushes through emergency law on data retention

xyz

First person on the dangerous persons' list

willl be that Tom Watson fella then.

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WinPhone iView app flap: Microsoft to pull 'unauthorised' app... coded by STAFFER

xyz

Erm...

If you're on all you can eat data, there's a free TV app in win store that lets you watch live TV from umpteen countries (well there's about a 90 sec delay), so no need for any catch up malarkey. There's an android version of this too. No names but it's a belter esp. for viewing F1 without becoming a Murdochian or like I'm doing, watching Spanish TV in order to help me learn Spanish.

Les fanbois of the Jade(d) Garden are certainly missing out these days being stuck in 2007 and all.

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'BIGGEST BIRD EVER': 21-foot ripsaw-beaked flying HORROR

xyz

Re: Terror Bird

>is "Horror Bird" taken too or still available?

That's reserved for Steph from BBC Breakfast

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UK mobile sales in the toilet: Down by FIVE MILLION this year

xyz

when...

...I can sit and watch F1 (Ok in Russian or German sans the "believe in better" bunch) live, get 4G at 37Mb sec, tether everything I've got, have built in satnav, take good pix, do all that email and text stuff and still be able to call my mum when I have to for no cost apart from earache, all for £28 a month inc the Nokia 925 that houses all this, in the words of the immortal Pot Noodle ads, "why try harder?"

The vast majority of users are Wayne and Waynetta Slob wanting to OMG with their friends and not Easy-Peasy Salami composing a new dirge in the back of a cab, so who really needs new shit every 4th quarter?

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Use Tor or 'extremist' Tails Linux? Congrats, you're on an NSA list

xyz

Forgive my ignorance but...

how is it that if you buy something online, the arm of your government involved, in this case the taxman, determines that your physical location determines the taxes you pay rather than where the servers are, but when you are doing something else online, another arm of your government, in this case the men in black, determines it's where the servers are and not your phyisical location that's the key point. Apart from the fact that governments are lying, greedy bastards can someone please make up their minds which way they want it round please?

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Got Windows 8.1 Update yet? Get ready for YET ANOTHER ONE – rumor

xyz

Considering...

...that all developers wander about intoning "Ye must decouple, ye must decouple" how hard could it be to have Windows 8 "I'm thick, live in 1998 and run my monitor in 640x480 resolution," Windows 8 XP," "Windows 8 (7)" and "Windows 8 Hipster" interfaces? Given the time it's going to take to get Windows 8 "right" it would have been quicker.

And as for the cloud, given the "it's great" BS, I still can't believe that the only thing not connected to it is the black box of MH370, which would be more useful than putting the crash recording mechansim inside the thing that is to crash..

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Microsoft slaps LTE mobe broadband into Surface 2 slabs (Yeah, take that, iPad)

xyz

Hepl! Hepl!

Can someone help me out here...I'm typing this on my 3.5 y.o old Win 7 laptop that cost me £350 that is wirelessly "tethered" to my Nokia 925 WinPho as is my Android tablet. I'm getting 10Megs+ download and 2.5Megs upload, on an all you can eat data mobile broadband plan, with thousands of times more minutes and texts per month than I have friends to use them on....for £28 a month. Office is on my laptop, Office is on my phone, I can develop using VS and cruise StackOverflow on the laptop whilst watching Top Gear on the phone whilst looking at Pr0n on the tablet and if anyone ever phones me I can answer them. And if I wanted, I could do all this in Tesco's car park or on a beach.

So what is the key concept issue here that I'm missing that requires me to anti up the best part of a grand for this?

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Ballmer: 'Microsoft would have a stronger position if I could redo the last TEN YEARS'

xyz

I remember...

...sitting on a train in 2000 with my iPaq taped to my Nokia 8850, connected by infra red, not even with 2G, checking my email, looking at web sites and thinking, this is going to be great. Yup, Ballmer really humped the bunk.

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Official FACT: Gadgets are giving YOU a wrinkly 'Tech Neck'

xyz

The rise of the 2 chins techy

I've been wondering for ages when this was going to get noticed. Once you start seeing people with a neck paunch due to their phone, you just see them everywhere. In a few years everyone's face is going to look like Jabba the Hutt's.

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Who OWNS data generated by 'connected cars' sensor slurpers?

xyz

err...

...why don't they just put a port in the car where you can plug your phone into? That way, the phone's SIM can be the user identifier and the data owned by that user. No phone in the jack then the data defaults to the manufacturer. Can I have those lawyers' squizzillion dollars please?

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Google admits 'garbage in, garbage out' translation problem

xyz

IIRC

>This post-modern problem means that Google's machines may be training themselves on data >generated by Google's machines...

When we tried feeding cows and pigs to cows and pigs we ended up with mad cow disease and foot and mouth, so by about half past eleven tomorrow Google could be exhibiting some very twitchy Skynet type behaviour otherwise known as having gone Ballmer.

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BT fattens up its sales thanks to hearty fibre+footy diet

xyz

I've decided...

...to stop giving BT around £25 pcm for crap , Zen £25 pcm for crap and Vodafone £15 pcm for crap and just go with a £28 pcm tethered contract with Three, which may also turn out to be crap, but at least it'll be cheaper crap and I won't have to ask my neighbours to switch off their Xmas lights or new DVD player to see if that sorts my problems, or waste my time playing BT call out poker every 6 months or so because their green cabinet is stuffed again. It's 2014 not 1994 and time for BT to die.

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Eurocops want to build remote car-stopper, shared sensor network

xyz

Well, Police, Camera, Action is going to be crap after this.

No more Sheriff Wyle E. Coyote doing a "pit" on some MF in his pick up, who's just shot his bitch and has run out of his driving whisky...or the Road Wars mob chasing some scroat blasting a nicked red Mini Metro 'round Slough (other shitholes are available).... Who is going to buy video of cops pressing a switch?

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