* Posts by xyz

534 posts • joined 7 Dec 2007

Page:

Apple v BBC: Fruity firm hits back over Panorama drama

xyz

Samsung issue a statement...

pmsl

0
1
xyz

Maybe it's just me but....

...I don't see Apple reaching for their laywers already, so I can only presume, err... cont Page 94.

9
0

Scrooges rejoice! Beancounters find formula for perfect Xmas party

xyz

No names but....

In the wacky world of corporate greasy poling, the company my GF works for sent out an instruction to "leverage" Christmas and attendance at the party was mandatory for morale purposes.

Imagine being married to/going out with the control freak twonk that thought that up Yup, thar be true psychos swimming in the corporate ocean.

2
0

Goes like the blazes: Amazon Fire HDX 8.9 late 2014 edition

xyz

HOW ****ING MUCH?

I have bought my GF Kindles various since they first came out. I think she's on her 4th now (a Fire HD)and it seems to be surviving its nightly drop on the floor when she falls asleep whilst reading it. The rest all ended up as piles of bits in the bin (in one case, a soggy pile of bits). At those prices, she's not getting number 5...Blimey I'm shocked!

0
0

'Shadow IT' gradually sapping power and budget from CIOs

xyz

shadows within shadows

The best one I've seen comprised...

1) The official IT strategy as proposed by the IT staff which had a 5 year plan, a massive budget and was all techy and BIG METAL and had nothing to do with business functionality.

2) The self taught guerrilla developers sniping out applications from within their own business units so the units could function.

3) The top secret corporate IT strategy which was basically get rid of 1 and 2 by restructuring the business and moving the parts to other divisions.

It was amazing watching the battles knowing that it didn't matter a rat's ass who won what, because The Chief Grand Fromage was about to nuke the lot of them.

3
0

REVEALED: Titsup flight plan mainframe borks UK air traffic control

xyz

Re: Bad flight plan?

"Invariably someone puts a flight plan wrong and it borks the system"

I'm trying to get my head 'round this.... no "Your data are in error, please resubmit?" No, "This field only accepts numbers?" Please tell me someone didn't submit data with an apostrophe in it and that's what caused the connection failure.

Are they saying this was user error which brought the whole thing to its knees?

4
0

So, does anyone in UK.gov actually know what G-Cloud is for? Apparently not

xyz

They probably think it's something to do with a G-spot

and therefore liable to be banned by mumsnet.

For something that should be common sense and bloody useful what happens is this...

.Gov sysAdmin1: I need a data centre

.Gov sysAdmin2: I have a data centre

.Gov sysAdmin1: I'm not using your data centre because I'll have no control over my data

.Gov sysAdmin2: I'm not letting you use my data centre because I'll have no control over security.

.Gov sysAdmin1: I'm phoning Capita

.Gov sysAdmin2: So am I.

Capita: Welcome friends, much cheapness for you, come into my parlour.

9
0

The Great Unwatched: BBC hails glorious digital future for Three

xyz

ah C'mon...Mongrels

Series 1 Episode 7 (Vince in a coma) was so pant wettingly funny, I wet my pants. Apart from that, the BBC has blighted my existence since I was born. Every bloody year, the programmes I wanted to watch were booted off screen to be replaced by whatever South East England middle class crap happened to be passing that week.....e.g. Wimbledon. Then there was the great F1 sell out to Sky. I'll never forgive them for that. I felt really sorry for the people of Somerset last year. Just when the Beeb noticed that they had been standing in water for months, the Thames burst its banks and suddenly flooding was proper news because it affected commuters into London.

They should just rename the whole thing as the Surrey Broadcasting Corp.

13
3

'I don't NEED to pay' to watch football, thunders EU digi-czar

xyz

Any sport I want to watch...

I watch without paying. You can usually find another non UK channel either broadcasting via the internet or a satellite. OK, the commentary might be in Russian or Spanish or Chinese but the pleasures of watching it (legally) without getting the Murdoch tax lubricant out and bending over are well worth it.

Mind you, if I'd paid for Estomian football, I'd bloody well want to watch it wherever I was and sod what my IP address was. Having spent the last week fighting with "online" banking I can well understand the frustrations of 21st century expectations meeting 20th business models.

ooh, ooh, mods whilst we're at it, can we get shot of those "loud" adverts. When you've got umpteen tabs open and your laptop starts giving you the full surround sound experience it is bloody annoying.

1
0

So this Saudi Prince calls and asks why he can't watch movies ...

xyz

Re: Back to the stone age

Trust me, I've stories from London that are the same. People in power always fill their prams with toys so they can lob them about liberally. No names, no packs of razor blades in Oxfordshire fields.

1
0
xyz

Re: Computer stupidities...

> Ahahahaaaaaa... you have a female boss etc.

All I can muster is "Blimey." I can't believe someone actually thinks like that this side of Boko Haram.

10
0

Whitehall at war: Govt’s webocrats trash vital digital VAT site

xyz

The VAT site's been ****ed for weeks

I know nothing about this EU VAT malarkey but the existing VAT site is now a right PITA to use. Links you used to click on to get into the working parts now take you to some wanky.gov.uk vanity site which you immediately backtrack from because it doesn't do anything and you have to really dig about on the original site to get to the login page. What used to be a smart way to do your VAT return has degenerated into a "WTF did I do last time to get into this" mess.

10
0

Oh dear, traders: Banker bosses are monitoring your smoke breaks

xyz

Re: To Paraphrase Revd Niemoller

I hate to burst your bubble, but anyone who's ever worked in a factory has known it was like this from the year dot and way before "big data" was a buzzword on a consultant's wall chart.

I remember a supervisor banging on the staff bog door screaming to the bloke behind it that he was taking too long to have a shit. So, all that's really happening is that the white collar brigade is being blue collared with big data replacing the more old fashioned big eyeball.

In the case of bankers I'd like to see them wearing collars and leashes and sniff each others' arses but they'd probably like that.

5
0

UK slaps 25 per cent 'Google Tax' on tech multinationals

xyz

Classic!

Osborne creates a "Google" tax the same day as "Brit smut slingers shafted by UK censors' stiff new stance" knackering one of Google's prime functions (looking at pr0n)

0
0

No wristjob, please, we're Apple fans: Just 10% would buy the Apple Watch

xyz

There is something soooo...

...dancing dad about having tech on your wrist. Think back to how "cool" it was to have a mobile or keys danging from your belt (yeah, I know, the other sysAdmins loved it). All it says is "please believe me that I'm important."

The bottom line with anything wearable is "you ain't gonna pull if you look like a fool" and a glow in the dark wrist is the height of twonkism. The only cool dude with wearable tech was the alien in Predator and look how pissed off he was at not getting laid.

1
0

APPLE set to Air PLUS-SIZED iPAD – claims mag

xyz

ah c'mon

It's got to be called the maxi pad...apologies Always!

2
0

UK.gov mulls three-point turn on three-point turn thanks to satnav. Weeeeeeee. THUD

xyz

Ooh a new spectator sport.

Watching learners following satnav instructions has got to be award winning TV. The amount of times my satnav has told me to do a three point turn because it's driven me up a dead end/into a canal/ up a railway track is beyond measure. Not training learners how to turn around after their satnav has driven them into pedestrian precinct or whatever has got to be pure TV gold.

12
0

Pity the poor Windows developer: The tools for desktop development are in disarray

xyz

look...it's not bloody difficult

You have a user a point A, a datastore or datastores not at point A and a method of communication between A and not A and no matter how hard you try, you ain't gonna get away from that fundemental.

What we should be worrying about is security and speed (both in terms of development and user experience). I did "forms" for a bit in the late nineties and went all webby as soon as I could and now we're back to forms that are called apps with webby communications, but in the 15 odd years that's passed we're all still arguing the toss about how to connect to an effin datastore.

Maybe the corporates (MS, Apple et al), who seem determined to keep drilling their own glory holes to stick their knobs through, could come up with some shared economic and techno model that provides a foundation for us building stuff on top of. Interfaces are always going to change and that's the exciting bit, but I'm fed up of all this "this is the new messiah" way of development and the neo nazi methodology crap that gets flung around by people to try and cover the fact they haven't got a clue what they're doing. I like new shit which is why I like IT, but I know the difference between good shit and just plain shit. Rant over.

9
0

Post-Microsoft, post-PC programming: The portable REVOLUTION

xyz

ooh...

....must rush out and get an iPud and a copy of Canking Wopy to ount my opps on.

I'm working on an app that saves humanity from Ebola and has built in one click app development baked in, can I have some sales' space puleese dear Reg?

3
0

Yes, UK. REST OF EUROPE has better mobe services than you

xyz

Re: I have good coverage in France, can get 3G in the middle of nowhere...

Same in Spain...middle of nowhara de effinos and brilliant call quality. I think UK cell cos are like UK supermarket chains...shiney presentation hiding medicore products.

1
0

It’s PAYBACK time as HUMANS send a PROBE up ALIEN body

xyz

Catford calling...

The wordsmith is welcome south of the river anytime for a right Phileaing

2
0

Could YOU identify these 10 cool vintage mobile phones?

xyz

Ah...memory lane

I didn't have any of the 10, but my personal favs were a Nokia 8850* which seemingly was the most removed phone on the planet from people orifices due to it's strong vibrator** and 2 Haier phones, a penphone and a black pearl.

* taped to my iPaq and connected via IR, it meant I could look at the web on the train in 2001

** To confirm, I never used mine for any wet work.

0
0

The last PC replacement cycle is about to start turning

xyz

ooh, it all sounds lovely...

...pity it doesn't work. When I look at pr0n or do social stuff I use the phone. When I watch telly, I use a tablet tethered to the phone. When I work, I use a laptop tethered to the phone. The phone is a hub, not an electronic swiss army knife.* Maybe if you could attach a proper keyboard, mouse and monitor to it and use it was a weeny processor box, we be talking sense, otherwise we're talking bollox. IMHO obviously.

* except in someone's wet dream.

0
0

Behold the Lumia 535 NOTkia: Microsoft wipes Nokia brand from mobes

xyz

Re: Meh

I've got a 925 and I love it. Music is free and the TV app I got from the store for free is awesome (I can watch free live F1 in Russian or Spanish). Lucky I've got all you can eat data as a race is over a gig's worth of slurp. Satnav built in and a pukka camera. My GF has an iPhone 5s and it looks old fashioned and clunky and is as fast as a pensioner with a dodgy knee. We both hate it. I've got a Droid 4.1 tablet and I way prefer the Win 8.1 interface, so Master Troll sling yer hook.

4
1

Reg mobile man: National roaming plan? Oh UK.gov, you've GOT to be joking

xyz

Re: So maybe…

Oh Christ, you mean get the gov's old mukka BT in to do some techy stuff....we're doomed!

2
0

Apple fanbois are 'MENTALLY UNSTABLE' but you still have to 'SERVICE' them

xyz

@jbelkin

Eadon 2.0 with shiny trousers on?

3
0

Israeli ex-spies want to help you defend your CAR from cybercrooks

xyz

Ah the high pitched screech of the software salesman

You will all die unless you buy our warez! Oh the Israeli salesman always lobs in "ex-spy" or "ex-military" because everyone does national service, so it's really true ;)

3
0

BBC clamps down on ILLICIT iPlayer watchers

xyz

Given that iPlayer is now a stinking pile of ****

I presume "NITRO" and the reasons for it have more than one eye on the upcoming TV licence review

2
0

Hungary's internet tax cannot be allowed to set a precedent, says EC

xyz

bet this is giving TV Licencing a good idea

about how to screw a few schekels out of punters to keep the Beeb afloat....eeek!

1
0

UK.gov pushes for SWIFT ACTION against nuisance calls, threatens £500k fines

xyz

Gave up with the landline

and just use my mobile for everything now inc. my broadband connection. I've only ever had one call that needed barring in 9 months and that was from someone I knew. Currently typing this on my laptop tethered to my phone which running a 4G connection....lovely and for £28 per month all in. Another couple of years and having a landline will be about as cool as offering to send someone a fax.

0
7

Entity Framework goes 'code first' as Microsoft pulls visual design tool

xyz

Re: don't understand the logic

Hand coded (using a SqlDataReader ) 47ms

Dapper ExecuteMapperQuery 49ms

ServiceStack.OrmLite (QueryById) 50ms

PetaPoco 52ms

BLToolkit 80ms

SubSonic CodingHorror 107ms

NHibernate SQL 104ms

Linq 2 SQL ExecuteQuery 181ms

Entity framework ExecuteStoreQuery 631ms

from https://github.com/StackExchange/dapper-dot-net

I fu**ing hate EF, but I love .Net MVC

4
0

Nokia STORMS back into profit, FREE from phones and Windows

xyz
Headmaster

A pedant types...

>Nokia is now three divisions: network equipment (Nokia Networks), mapping (HERE) and IPR licensing (Nokia Technologies), but with €2.6bn of income, the former provides most of the meat.

You can't use "former" with anything more than 2. Sorry, I'm having a bad day after my bank started sticking "Esq" at the end of my name (e.g. Mr. Jesus H. Christ Esq), making me sound like I'm part of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.

3
0

Want a more fuel efficient car? Then redesign it – here's how

xyz

Much as I loved the article

I've got a Musubishi Shogun that drinks deisel so I need all the help I can get. Thanks for the tips.

HOWEVER...hypermiling is the most selfish, dangerous form of driving I have ever come across. Some smug git sitting on a motorway more concerned about his MPG than his and other people's safety or the road conditions or anything else really. His Hypermilerness might be doing OK, but every other road user is having to pay for his economy by getting round him, so you get artics bunching up behind him, then having to move en masse into the middle lane, which throws the MLOC into the outside lane which causes Mr.Salesman to anchor his beemer and as a result everyone else wastes more fuel, just because Mr. Beardy wants to get off on the fact he did 50mpg or whatever. Death to hypermilers

16
9

Apple's new iPADS have begun the WAR that will OVERTURN the NETWORK WORLD

xyz

considering...

How onerous and time consuming all that SIM maintenance is for the average consumer I'm surprised this hasn't been thought about before. And don't forget about all that extra weight it adds to a phone.

I'm taking the piss here. First rule of the School of Snake Oil, make up a problem and then provide a solution to that problem.

Must admit to feeling a bit of a rebel owning a WinPhone now

7
0

Bono apologises for iTunes album dump

xyz

Is that who...

... those pensioners are! I've been watching that ad on telly and could not work out what those grizzly binmen doing an Apple stylee were up to.

0
0

Coughing for 4G, getting 2G... Networks' penny-pinching SECRETS REVEALED

xyz

I'm still mystified how...

...the bloke that got on the train at Luton Airport Parkway from who knows where, can rabbit away to his friends in who knows where, whilst the rest of the train is waving its hands in the air trying to grab a bar for a signal as we trundle into King's X/SP. Never understood how that works.

0
0

Vanmoof Electrified Bike: Crouching cyclist, hidden power

xyz

Err....a fly in the lycra?

Did the UK ever sort out that little problem that you could only have a 200W jobby on the UK roads as opposed to the standard 250W in the EU, otherwise you would be done for no VED (yes, I know it would be zero rated), insurance, licence, no number plates etc? IIRC, EU: 250W, no twist grip, must peddle all the time, UK: 200W, twist grip, don't have to peddle. Over 200W, it's classed as a motorbike in the UK

4
2

Yes. Economists DO love MAGICAL, lovely HUMAN SELFISHNESS...

xyz

Blimey!

All I got out of that "piece" was all economists have small dicks

5
13

SPECIAL iPHONE TROUSERS will ease Apple into the fashion world

xyz
Joke

Forgive me but...

I understand that Apple built its new shiny so it folds.

1
0

TalkTalk and Three want to make it easier to switch mobe networks

xyz

Re: im moving soon

as someone who bailed from Vodafone to Three, all I can say is just do it. Vodafone seems to be using the BT "suck those punters dry" manual these days. I've been with Three for 8 months now and IMHO they are great. No cock ups, no hooky terms and cons, it just works...all the mins, texts and data I want, tethering and "feel at home." Again IMHO, Three really knows what the customer wants.

7
0

Alien gimp gag or cosmic golf ball? NASA tackles question everyone's asking

xyz

Re: True mission objective

You thought that was good? Take a butcher's at this...

http://www.abovetopsecret.com/forum/thread1034315/pg1

Now that's good.

0
0

New UK.gov DATA SLURPING diplomat to push US telcos to share more subscriber info

xyz

Re: Free enrollment?

So, are the spying classes over there -->? Over here <--? Here --^?

I think the way it works is if you don't know where they are, then you don't need to know...and if you did know where they are and told anyone where they are, you get banged up....welcome to the wacky world of "The Man" where your liberty is "protected" by them making sure you're fit* to be protected.

* fit in this case meaning "docile enough"

1
0

Bono: Apple will sort out monetising music where the labels failed

xyz

That's a load of my mind then

I knew I must be wrong not monetising* myself, as I'm using the free Music+ app on my winphone to listen to free music. I'll never make the "quality" grade to be an iPhone purchaser. Hey-ho.

*kudos for the non-'Mercan spelling by the way.

1
0

iOS 8 Healthkit gets a bug SO Apple KILLS it. That's real healthcare!

xyz

obviously

If you're so far up your own ass, you're gonna need a map

1
0

Brit telcos warn Scots that voting Yes could lead to HEFTY bills

xyz

Re: duh

Well, here's the solution...Scotland votes "yes" and stays in the EU and England et al can do what they want and leave the EU. If Scotland votes "No" the "UK" will be leaving the EU at the upcoming English lead referendum anyway, so all Scotland will be doing is voting to stay in the Eu for about 2 years

2
7

Oh noes, fanbois! iPhone 6 Plus shipments 'DELAYED' in the UK

xyz

Re: APPLE STORE LIVERPOOL

There are fanbois in Liverpool? Blimey! Sign-on chic!

1
0

iPhone NFC: 'Apple, photos and security ... WHAT could go WRONG?'

xyz

well obviously...

their iwatches aren't going to be on their wrists.....willycam time

0
0

BBC Trust candidate defends licence fee, says evaders are CRIMINALS

xyz

As someone who doesn't have a licence anymore...

I'm currently under the "he's a criminal" cosh. I'm selling my house (stc), don't have a telly anymore and don't live there, however that doesn't stop Capita's commission only goons* pestering me on the phone (how they got my mobile number is another thing) to the point I've blocked them. My house is "under investigation" with dire threats of the plague and death in BOLD RED CAPS. The upshot of all this is that Capita can do jack unless they get a court warrant.

*TVL outsource to Capita who use commission only agents (i.e. paid by results salesmen) to get the cash off you. For more info just google tvlicenceresistance

3
1

Ballmer PERSONALLY wrote Windows' Blue Screen of Death text

xyz

mmmmmm.....

....having used windows from win 3.1 'til win 7 inc all the server versions, I think I've only had about 8 BSODs in all that time. 1 on a NT4 server, 2 on my win 7 laptop after that update screw up a couple of weeks ago and at least 5 or more on a day from hell when I had to use Lotus Notes on a win 2000 workstation... Not saying anything but thank god IBM didn't control 90% of the planet's computers.

5
0

Drone captures shots of budding APPLE SPACESHIP HQ

xyz

Is that slot...

....where the aerial is going to go?

Obviously they're building a pyramid with round edges (tm) to bury Steve Jobs in.

1
0

Page:

Forums