Feeds

* Posts by xyz

514 posts • joined 7 Dec 2007

Page:

It’s PAYBACK time as HUMANS send a PROBE up ALIEN body

xyz

Catford calling...

The wordsmith is welcome south of the river anytime for a right Phileaing

2
0

Could YOU identify these 10 cool vintage mobile phones?

xyz

Ah...memory lane

I didn't have any of the 10, but my personal favs were a Nokia 8850* which seemingly was the most removed phone on the planet from people orifices due to it's strong vibrator** and 2 Haier phones, a penphone and a black pearl.

* taped to my iPaq and connected via IR, it meant I could look at the web on the train in 2001

** To confirm, I never used mine for any wet work.

0
0

The last PC replacement cycle is about to start turning

xyz

ooh, it all sounds lovely...

...pity it doesn't work. When I look at pr0n or do social stuff I use the phone. When I watch telly, I use a tablet tethered to the phone. When I work, I use a laptop tethered to the phone. The phone is a hub, not an electronic swiss army knife.* Maybe if you could attach a proper keyboard, mouse and monitor to it and use it was a weeny processor box, we be talking sense, otherwise we're talking bollox. IMHO obviously.

* except in someone's wet dream.

0
0

Behold the Lumia 535 NOTkia: Microsoft wipes Nokia brand from mobes

xyz

Re: Meh

I've got a 925 and I love it. Music is free and the TV app I got from the store for free is awesome (I can watch free live F1 in Russian or Spanish). Lucky I've got all you can eat data as a race is over a gig's worth of slurp. Satnav built in and a pukka camera. My GF has an iPhone 5s and it looks old fashioned and clunky and is as fast as a pensioner with a dodgy knee. We both hate it. I've got a Droid 4.1 tablet and I way prefer the Win 8.1 interface, so Master Troll sling yer hook.

4
1

Reg mobile man: National roaming plan? Oh UK.gov, you've GOT to be joking

xyz

Re: So maybe…

Oh Christ, you mean get the gov's old mukka BT in to do some techy stuff....we're doomed!

2
0

Apple fanbois are 'MENTALLY UNSTABLE' but you still have to 'SERVICE' them

xyz

@jbelkin

Eadon 2.0 with shiny trousers on?

3
0

Israeli ex-spies want to help you defend your CAR from cybercrooks

xyz

Ah the high pitched screech of the software salesman

You will all die unless you buy our warez! Oh the Israeli salesman always lobs in "ex-spy" or "ex-military" because everyone does national service, so it's really true ;)

3
0

BBC clamps down on ILLICIT iPlayer watchers

xyz

Given that iPlayer is now a stinking pile of ****

I presume "NITRO" and the reasons for it have more than one eye on the upcoming TV licence review

2
0

Hungary's internet tax cannot be allowed to set a precedent, says EC

xyz

bet this is giving TV Licencing a good idea

about how to screw a few schekels out of punters to keep the Beeb afloat....eeek!

1
0

UK.gov pushes for SWIFT ACTION against nuisance calls, threatens £500k fines

xyz

Gave up with the landline

and just use my mobile for everything now inc. my broadband connection. I've only ever had one call that needed barring in 9 months and that was from someone I knew. Currently typing this on my laptop tethered to my phone which running a 4G connection....lovely and for £28 per month all in. Another couple of years and having a landline will be about as cool as offering to send someone a fax.

0
7

Entity Framework goes 'code first' as Microsoft pulls visual design tool

xyz

Re: don't understand the logic

Hand coded (using a SqlDataReader ) 47ms

Dapper ExecuteMapperQuery 49ms

ServiceStack.OrmLite (QueryById) 50ms

PetaPoco 52ms

BLToolkit 80ms

SubSonic CodingHorror 107ms

NHibernate SQL 104ms

Linq 2 SQL ExecuteQuery 181ms

Entity framework ExecuteStoreQuery 631ms

from https://github.com/StackExchange/dapper-dot-net

I fu**ing hate EF, but I love .Net MVC

4
0

Nokia STORMS back into profit, FREE from phones and Windows

xyz
Headmaster

A pedant types...

>Nokia is now three divisions: network equipment (Nokia Networks), mapping (HERE) and IPR licensing (Nokia Technologies), but with €2.6bn of income, the former provides most of the meat.

You can't use "former" with anything more than 2. Sorry, I'm having a bad day after my bank started sticking "Esq" at the end of my name (e.g. Mr. Jesus H. Christ Esq), making me sound like I'm part of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.

3
0

Want a more fuel efficient car? Then redesign it – here's how

xyz

Much as I loved the article

I've got a Musubishi Shogun that drinks deisel so I need all the help I can get. Thanks for the tips.

HOWEVER...hypermiling is the most selfish, dangerous form of driving I have ever come across. Some smug git sitting on a motorway more concerned about his MPG than his and other people's safety or the road conditions or anything else really. His Hypermilerness might be doing OK, but every other road user is having to pay for his economy by getting round him, so you get artics bunching up behind him, then having to move en masse into the middle lane, which throws the MLOC into the outside lane which causes Mr.Salesman to anchor his beemer and as a result everyone else wastes more fuel, just because Mr. Beardy wants to get off on the fact he did 50mpg or whatever. Death to hypermilers

16
9

Apple's new iPADS have begun the WAR that will OVERTURN the NETWORK WORLD

xyz

considering...

How onerous and time consuming all that SIM maintenance is for the average consumer I'm surprised this hasn't been thought about before. And don't forget about all that extra weight it adds to a phone.

I'm taking the piss here. First rule of the School of Snake Oil, make up a problem and then provide a solution to that problem.

Must admit to feeling a bit of a rebel owning a WinPhone now

7
0

Bono apologises for iTunes album dump

xyz

Is that who...

... those pensioners are! I've been watching that ad on telly and could not work out what those grizzly binmen doing an Apple stylee were up to.

0
0

Coughing for 4G, getting 2G... Networks' penny-pinching SECRETS REVEALED

xyz

I'm still mystified how...

...the bloke that got on the train at Luton Airport Parkway from who knows where, can rabbit away to his friends in who knows where, whilst the rest of the train is waving its hands in the air trying to grab a bar for a signal as we trundle into King's X/SP. Never understood how that works.

0
0

Vanmoof Electrified Bike: Crouching cyclist, hidden power

xyz

Err....a fly in the lycra?

Did the UK ever sort out that little problem that you could only have a 200W jobby on the UK roads as opposed to the standard 250W in the EU, otherwise you would be done for no VED (yes, I know it would be zero rated), insurance, licence, no number plates etc? IIRC, EU: 250W, no twist grip, must peddle all the time, UK: 200W, twist grip, don't have to peddle. Over 200W, it's classed as a motorbike in the UK

4
2

Yes. Economists DO love MAGICAL, lovely HUMAN SELFISHNESS...

xyz

Blimey!

All I got out of that "piece" was all economists have small dicks

5
13

SPECIAL iPHONE TROUSERS will ease Apple into the fashion world

xyz
Joke

Forgive me but...

I understand that Apple built its new shiny so it folds.

1
0

TalkTalk and Three want to make it easier to switch mobe networks

xyz

Re: im moving soon

as someone who bailed from Vodafone to Three, all I can say is just do it. Vodafone seems to be using the BT "suck those punters dry" manual these days. I've been with Three for 8 months now and IMHO they are great. No cock ups, no hooky terms and cons, it just works...all the mins, texts and data I want, tethering and "feel at home." Again IMHO, Three really knows what the customer wants.

7
0

Alien gimp gag or cosmic golf ball? NASA tackles question everyone's asking

xyz

Re: True mission objective

You thought that was good? Take a butcher's at this...

http://www.abovetopsecret.com/forum/thread1034315/pg1

Now that's good.

0
0

New UK.gov DATA SLURPING diplomat to push US telcos to share more subscriber info

xyz

Re: Free enrollment?

So, are the spying classes over there -->? Over here <--? Here --^?

I think the way it works is if you don't know where they are, then you don't need to know...and if you did know where they are and told anyone where they are, you get banged up....welcome to the wacky world of "The Man" where your liberty is "protected" by them making sure you're fit* to be protected.

* fit in this case meaning "docile enough"

1
0

Bono: Apple will sort out monetising music where the labels failed

xyz

That's a load of my mind then

I knew I must be wrong not monetising* myself, as I'm using the free Music+ app on my winphone to listen to free music. I'll never make the "quality" grade to be an iPhone purchaser. Hey-ho.

*kudos for the non-'Mercan spelling by the way.

1
0

iOS 8 Healthkit gets a bug SO Apple KILLS it. That's real healthcare!

xyz

obviously

If you're so far up your own ass, you're gonna need a map

1
0

Brit telcos warn Scots that voting Yes could lead to HEFTY bills

xyz

Re: duh

Well, here's the solution...Scotland votes "yes" and stays in the EU and England et al can do what they want and leave the EU. If Scotland votes "No" the "UK" will be leaving the EU at the upcoming English lead referendum anyway, so all Scotland will be doing is voting to stay in the Eu for about 2 years

2
7

Oh noes, fanbois! iPhone 6 Plus shipments 'DELAYED' in the UK

xyz

Re: APPLE STORE LIVERPOOL

There are fanbois in Liverpool? Blimey! Sign-on chic!

1
0

iPhone NFC: 'Apple, photos and security ... WHAT could go WRONG?'

xyz

well obviously...

their iwatches aren't going to be on their wrists.....willycam time

0
0

BBC Trust candidate defends licence fee, says evaders are CRIMINALS

xyz

As someone who doesn't have a licence anymore...

I'm currently under the "he's a criminal" cosh. I'm selling my house (stc), don't have a telly anymore and don't live there, however that doesn't stop Capita's commission only goons* pestering me on the phone (how they got my mobile number is another thing) to the point I've blocked them. My house is "under investigation" with dire threats of the plague and death in BOLD RED CAPS. The upshot of all this is that Capita can do jack unless they get a court warrant.

*TVL outsource to Capita who use commission only agents (i.e. paid by results salesmen) to get the cash off you. For more info just google tvlicenceresistance

3
1

Ballmer PERSONALLY wrote Windows' Blue Screen of Death text

xyz

mmmmmm.....

....having used windows from win 3.1 'til win 7 inc all the server versions, I think I've only had about 8 BSODs in all that time. 1 on a NT4 server, 2 on my win 7 laptop after that update screw up a couple of weeks ago and at least 5 or more on a day from hell when I had to use Lotus Notes on a win 2000 workstation... Not saying anything but thank god IBM didn't control 90% of the planet's computers.

5
0

Drone captures shots of budding APPLE SPACESHIP HQ

xyz

Is that slot...

....where the aerial is going to go?

Obviously they're building a pyramid with round edges (tm) to bury Steve Jobs in.

1
0

Google flushes out users of old browsers by serving up CLUNKY, AGED version of search

xyz

Re: Yay, usable maps again

It's not only maps that is now crap...The google search app on a winphone is bloody useless, dunno about other phone OSs...mind you Bing on anything is gob stoppingly, let's hump the bunk bad. I mean you really have to go some to make it so bad... even hotbot can find me, whereas Bing shows me results kinda like what I typed... maybe Google is trying to copy MS or they've employed someone called Ballmer as a consultant. It's getting to the stage where people will start looking for another search engine that isn't trying to turn a results set into a "spend" opportunity.

3
0

What do you mean, I have to POST a PHYSICAL CHEQUE to get my gun licence?

xyz

national e-commerce project ... oh god!

He really knows what he's talking about. FFS, it'll be a web site with about a million customer entries in a database.

Mention "national e-commerce project" in the spec and you're in for a right price shafting.

0
0

Ofcom will not probe lesbian lizard snog in new Dr Who series

xyz

Re: Priorities

Yeah but, no but...isn't interspecies "stuff" extreme pr0n? Well according to HMG and mumsnet anyway. If the maid had tried that with a horse there would have been hell to pay, but lizards are there for the taking...is that the message? Mind you I quite fancy that lizard myself...I'm off to get a gekko now to see what all the fuss is about.

2
0

NASA to reformat Opportunity rover's memory from 125 million miles away

xyz

Re: Patch Tuesday

Goes without saying really, but surely they won't try it on a Friday afternoon. We all know what happens when you try that.

6
0

Google's 'Captain Moonshot': I will BOMB you with DELIVERIES

xyz

Re: Lob your stuff at you from a great height

lol...well if you can't drone surf (although it will be tried, or people will tie cats to the string), you can gently drag the thing down and into the maw of an Albanian* scrap collector's van. *Other eastern europeans are available. Texans will probably think they are angels though

1
0
xyz

Lob your stuff at you from a great height

....isn't that what existing delivery drivers do? Also I'd love to see the returns process. And I can see a great market in drone scrappage after they accidentally "fall" out of the sky. Or people hanging onto the cable to see if they can drone surf....c'mon, you know you want to.

1
0

The police are WRONG: Watching YouTube videos is NOT illegal

xyz

Re: glad we sorted that out...

See...you're protesting too much...that will make you "interesting"...oh and you put ANAL in caps, so you're obviously a child molester too...putting that "I" in front didn't camoflage your true intentions.

So...to clarify, the correct response to anyone in authority should always be "yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir"

Chief Constable Savage

7
2

Go on, inhale our G-Cloud via 'Digital Marketplace' – UK.gov

xyz

Try talking through this cloudy stuff to ...

....a department's data guardian and you'll get as far as "yes, it's still your data, but on someone else's servers."

0
0

Roll up for El Reg's 3G/4G MONOPOLY DATA PUB CRAWL

xyz

All I know is....

....I took a 3 all you can eat plan for £28pcm back in Feb....result of my testing is EFFIN' AWESOME.

4G (30 odd MB) at home and around the streets in London, H+ (13Mb) at my girlfriend's in the middle of nowhere Bedfordshire where her BT landline toils at 3Mb. Feel at Home in France and Italy (please, please do Spain). And unlimited data tethering. If I had any friends, I'd even be inclined to phone them using the bundled minutes and texts. You could've borrowed my phone for the testing and we could have gone on a right bender with the cash you saved.

1
0

Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?

xyz

I think it's best to err on the side of caution...

...and keep asking "dumb" questions. I know of one government dept that did something so unbelievable that you would imagine it was an urban myth. I can't even mention it, but it was a pant wetter. Official bodies are usually only a few committee meetings away from circling the drain of chaos and sometimes they plop in before they realise it.

9
0

Assange™: Hey world, I'M STILL HERE, ignore that Snowden guy

xyz

"Hello, Snowden, Assange here, got other dirt on the Brits?"

"I'm thinking of taking a holiday 'soon' and I need a nice ass shafter bit o' info on Cameron and his mates that'll stop plod lifting me....what's that? No I don't fancy Ebola.,. thanks anyway."

If Julian of Knightsbridge is about to stride out of his diplomatic hostel, he must be in possession of a hefty piece of leverage. Bets please!

0
2

Microsoft cries UNINSTALL in the wake of Blue Screens of Death™

xyz

Re: Ahh.So this explains

Had one too....Mind you I did think it was MS's way of making go get a win 8 jobby.

P.S. Jobby means a shite in Scotland.

1
1

Giving your old Tesco Hudl to Auntie June? READ THIS FIRST

xyz

we had a similar problem with an old Kindle...

...that had been in the bath once too often. The only thing we could do with it was use an angle grinder and a lump hammer. Happy days.

2
0

Gov.uk's broadband boast: Superfast fibre piped to 1 million Brits

xyz

and....

...having poked around my GF's BT router this morning trying to un-hotspot her, I noted that 3rd party targeted advertising (oh my not Phorm again) is enabled by default. Ergo, the faster they can lob this stinking pile o'shite out there the faster they can clog the thing up with 3rd party targeted advertising (for your comfort and security obviously). Being cynical, nice bit of cash in that, plus as it's based around your browsing habits, I presume GCHQ, mumsnet.gov.uk and FACT will be a few of the "advertisers" interested in what you've been peeking at. No wonder BT keeps getting all those lovely contracts.

2
0

BT FON fail: Telco CHARGES customers for FREE Wi-Fi usage

xyz

mmmmm

My countryside dwelling GF was just gnawing my scroat savagely the other week after having received a "you've nearly used up all your bandwidth" email from BT and I was swearing blind that I was using my 3 data connection (13MB) and had never touched her achingly slow wireless BT POS. (3MB) Now I know.

0
0

Brits STUNG for up to £625 when they try to cancel broadband

xyz

Re: BT

Quick question for BT users here in respect of this sign up for free BT sport . I can't quite reconcile the fact that they want you to watch sport but have a 10GB monthly usage cap.. I know when I watch an F1 stream of a race (non BT) it chomps through over a gig, so does this mean that when you try to footy up, BT are lying in wait with excess charges? Just askin'

0
0

Leaked Windows Phone 8.1 Update specs tease details of Nokia's next mobes

xyz

Please please please

Can we get a kill switch for that bloody bing button, an audio control that's not tied to ring volume and a way to stop texts etc showing up on top of the lockscreen....that's all I really want, then they can whizzbang the thingumybob via an LTI GD diaphragm or whatever. Note to MS, no one cares about techno gubbins anymore...they expect all that to be in there but not talked about. What users do care about is that most of Bing's use statistics seem to be generated by people hitting that bloody button by accident, that you want to turn your ring volume down but not your music volume and that you don't want your missus seeing texts from your mistress when the phone is locked.( or at anytime really)

1
1

Adam Afriyie MP: Smart meters are NOT so smart

xyz

WTF.... I thought this was a joke until I got half way down the article....and this is the sort of twat that is running the country? I kept waiting for phrases like and "soon our boffins expect to come up with marvellous new devices called horseless carriages...spiffing." Jesus...unfuckingbelievable. How old are these people?

Then I realised it was a joke...PHEW!!!

Please tell me this is a joke..please

3
19

Verizon to limit unlimited 4G plans

xyz

well...

The NSA isn't going to be happy with that! Think of all that lost intelligence if they start throttling (sic) Bin DownThePub and his mates.

0
0

Feel free to BONK on the TUBE, says Transport for London

xyz

So...

What TfL has done here is taken something the majority of consumers do more than once a day and offered an alternative, easier and a cost effective way to do it,” said Miles Quitmann, MD of mobile payments company Proxama

...prices will come down...naw, didn't think so. Also, I can see people getting into debt over this as a lot of people don't pay off their cards at the end of the month and that "extra" £35 quid per week or whatever gives them itchy fingers on a hot Friday evening.

0
0

Page: