Typical mail excuse.

Delivered Too late, too slow

Nothing new for Parcelfarce then

So -it does not really compete with Win7 & Snow does it?

as I said, So -it does not really compete with Win7 & Snow does it?

all that hype for a damp squid

If you look hard and long enough

If you have a big enough microscope, you'll always find something,

the trick is how you interpret that teeny glitch.

Pfffft, denial is the first form of acceptance

Course they have, security services have demanded these for years and with digital mobiles,

(Hello GCHQ, hows a you?)

So the first thing the spooks tell the programmers would be?

obvious:

- Deny everything.

- You know nothing.

That's because the vast majority do know nothing - didn't think they were going to tell everyone @ MS the garden entrance was there, did ya?

No who's being silly?

I refer to the principle of Occams Razor in my defence.

Mandy takes over the net

Does Mandy think he's Al Gore or something?

Un-bloody believable.

Un-bloody believable.

Nuff said.

Gnome bankers hiding their fall-out shelters stuffed with gold

The only country to have fall-out shelters for all their population; restrictive rights for females and excessive privacy laws for secretive drug companies and rich businessmen - what else would happen?

Personally I'm surprised they didn't stop them at the borders as ahas happened for the whistle-blowers of fame.

The Emporers Vew Clothes scenarion

If you don't mention it, we won't mention it.

Job done, here's the bill.

Hands up who did not know this already

Ah I see no show of hands.

Talking about stating the bleedin' obvious or what?

This was normal in the middle-east

However,

This is Blighty and this shit just should never happen;

after all the terrorist photographer could simply write down the vehicles reg number.

same-same information for hijacking weapons.

Mind you the fool also informed the photographer it was a good choice to attack!!!!

Huzzah, I'll get out my polar brae suit

Why

cos when Ms launched their last software, the boys in suits all ponced around in polar bear suits. Why they were asked?

They responded, "...because they eat penguins! (Linux) geddit?"

Obviously the jingoistic boys in suits have never examined the Globe.

Huzzah -public pressure is winning

The sooner these boys are unemployed -the better.

NP, I'll buy a Dell then

Dell will -because the NHS are still using legacy applications on new PC's with XP fresh installs.

ie Damn software is old for these young varmints, eg: Cerner Millennium (aptly named) just being released in London and the South.

I'm Posting to all my American mates

Huzzah

Brits demonstrate the application of Occams Razor

The riff-raff get what?

I see they are upgrading the unwashed riff-raff 2mb customers to 10mb

But I've been paying for 10mb for some considerable time.

What do we the Gentile 10mb users get for our subs then?

Of course it does

I whipped myself out of bed this morning and served a licence infringement notice on the Milkman for a public performance of "What a beautiful morning" which he dared to whistle out loud and thus woke me up.

That'll teach the ba$t@rd !

Ask the public to name a female scientist

In a pub quiz, 35 people were asked to name a famous female scientist.

Only one person named someone other than Mme Curie.

I'm a Health scientist for christsakes and I can't either!

Make mandatory in reps cars

Huzzah !!!

tech comes down market

Pls fit in all reps Mondeos

and while we are at it -all Audis and BMW

which I always find welded to by bumper on the M25

as they weave in and out of traffic to gain another 30 feet.

I also want rear mounted paint guns, could any chop shop make them for me?

Didn't this happen with Walkmans?

Theres nothing new under the sun

meanwhile, Boy (and girl racers) could always try driving defensively - or carefully as we experienced old farts call it.

Where should we place the Boffins?

Quandary:

1) Place the Boffin's by the reactor, so they will be first through the black hole.

2) Place them far away so they can figure out how to terminate the black hole as it swallows Switzerland and France.

Complication:

Option 2 - it might be a while before anyone notices or actually gives a damn....

But Opera crashes more often than a test dummy

Opera may have done it -but its the least ever stable browser I ever used, bar none.

Firefox saved the day.

Question is -will Chrome rival Firefox; not for its useful add-ins for sure.

It seems to be a very simple no frills display program for quicky use only.

and the lack of an ad blocker is in their interest - but not mine.

Friendly Fire?

It seem seem the yankees are shooting the wrong guys again,

so nothing new then.............

easy peasy solution

Just paint the car reg on the roof and employ Red Kens congestion charge cameras and voila!

Works for cop cars...........

Spritzer surprise

My wife likes a wine spritizer

Quite fun to open the tap after a bit of boobie shaking on the dance floor.

(Co2 build up for the uninitiated)

Would a paper bag over my head help me?

...and should I hide under the table?

We need to know these things!

French studies on Nuclear issues

I studied the public French attitude to nuclear power; they had almost zero covergae on chernobyl (whilst the Italians pulled full emergency powers)

and really don't seem all that bothered.

No surprises - France is 95% powered by Nuclear; so who has more experience in running them?

One thing I want to know though.

Where does Frances re-process spent fuel

and where do they they store the unprocessed waste?

(Not Sellafield surely?)

I've only got one thing to say on that subject

Oooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh

The paranoid bastards.

End

News to me, very unpubliced

I've had a gmail account for three years and this is the first i've heard of it.

Instead of crappy ads and faff - publicise the useful stuff!

Lies, damn lies and statistics

Good to see someone challenging this plethora of meaningless statistics, 68.25% of which are made up on the spot!

So how come.......

When I go through these things, I simply stick the auto-cruise on and steer.

Scratch my bum a little and relax for a couple of miles.

So how come I get polish trucks up my rear end(suitably scratched) and idiots in company cars and white van chavs speeding past me?

Do they get fined, what are the percentages for fined fools?

What are the tolerances for speed variation?

O a message to the geeks moaning about Clarkson - at least you listened and that's how things get noticed/changed/discussed.

Stop whinging - at least he proved that identity theft occrs.

We need road tests (sic), not geek whinging. Ok then.

To debate or not to debate?

Quote: "Still, at 200-odd comments and climbing, it's still worth bearing in mind that this discussion will probably change no-one's mind about anything, or serve any constructive purpose."

But surely debate is a good thing?

Or should it only be allowed when it re-inforces ones tightly held viewpoint?

Religious characters - this means YOU AND the unwashed characters

God likes war, death, pain and sufferring - personal experience

I've been in war Zones where two opposing forces kill each other claiming God is on their side.

When fails they try to kill women and children.

Medics from one religion help the other wounded.

Men swearing allegiance to their own God then kill the medics.

People cry for food, children die - starving

but there's always money for guns and bullets -always

yet no-one ever asks how?

Why not?

Nations maim and injure each other singing the praises of their Gods, some even induct them into the army as chaplains - holy soldiers if you like.

In peace time these various priests hurt, maim and rape children

or simply for not toeing the religious path or love-line.

This happens in ALL the Major religions -so don't try to get prissy and clever

Ignorance decrees that we ignore these obvious truths because we don't like them

Ignorance is Humankinds enemy and ignorant men with guns are the Devil incarnate

Religion = Ignorance?

Scientists design weapons - does that make them ignorant?

[Insert extreme expletives of your choice here to the contributors of this misery]

Personally - I have nothing whatsoever to do with any of them anymore.......

Medic

Nice if they told me

Would be useful if Virgin actually told ME

a long time paying customer

they do not communicate this in their happy shiny bullshite newsletters, instead trying to flog me things I already have.

It is/was bloody awful software anyhow

The product they were hawking is win95 code, adapted (badly) from the american market and the list of modules and functions that simply do not function is immense.

of course we, the NHS, wanted them fixed according to the specification -however Fujitsu wanted major cash to do this.

Simple reason -they did not author the software, maintain it or correct it -Cerner do, They have no contact with the NHS at all -so Fujitsu have to pay them to do it and of course according to NPfIT rules, the main contractor does not get paid until the damn thing works.

So they dumped us, Ba$t@rds

Killing science or culture?

Q: "yer and that is what is killing the scince caulture in britan 2 day"

A: Lack of elementary education, especially spelling and basic English sentence construct? Just a thought.

There definetly was a computer involved somewhere.....

Somewhere

Somehow

Somewhen....

There's a bloody computer involved

I'll swear to it under oath

Good to know

That Hospitals are not the only unclean place on the planet

(this is the bug that closed Swindon St Margarets)

How come mobile phone companies all have these bizarre contracts?

What is wrong with a simple no-bullshit plain-english worded contract.

No catches, no gotchas & no crap?

Do these companies not make obscene profits?

Of course.....

So why not adopt the British fair-play system and stop forcing these almost illegal nasty pieces of contractual trickery?

Its not nice, its not clever

and dammit its just not Cricket! What !!!???

Never invite these Johnnies around to tea

Ignore them in the street

Show disrespect for their gel formed hair

and never buy from them .........

Saudi F16 bunkers

Few years ago, I flew off Taif precipice in a Saudi airforce chopper to take photos for the mayor of Taif.

The airman said to me, please don't photographe the F16's.

Ok says me -at the time - the saudis were vehemently denying that the american military were present in saudi - course they were I used to drink Jack Daniels with the strike teams.

Anyhow, a couple of days ago -I used Google maps (not even google earth) to check out the old haunts.

Lo and behold, the F16 bunkers were clearly visible in considerable detail, plus 4 other bases that i know of which are 'officially not there'.

Does the Israeli Airforce know?

Of course, they used to fly touch and go on the northern base airfield in Tabuk to annoy the Saudis.

By the way, maps are old -Concorde is still sitting on the south eastern side of Heathrow airport; by the cargo depot.

Pls mail this to the home secretary

ID dtabase - unhackable?

pls post this to the home secretary for par rectal insertion

Strip search

Is there a kit for strip search in the side-room/

Gloves, tub of KY-jelly, tissues etc

and short dark butch female figure to glare menacingly at the passengers?

Respect, cos I can't read them there blots

I can't read these ink blots on some forum boards; so respect to them thar 'youfs'

Actually Google is easy but Yahoo is a bum pain - which is why I never use it.

Its not that I'm that old -but I did learn MS-DOS 3.1, so I suppose I am an ancient

Never mind whats on it, its a crap designed Laptop

Of course -you realise they sold it cos they dropped the thing, hence the CD slipping out of the tray into the machine.

This demonstrates an extremely poor build and I myself have pulled a disc from an end-users machine guts.

Makes a nice 'nails on chalkboard' numbing screech.

NHS business consultants

This sounds like the NHS business consultants- they simply have no idea - so they use the old adage;

If you can't baffle them science;

Baffle them with bullshit.

Result !!!

Engineers

Qoute: "The title of engineer should only be applied to engineers."

What type of engines do you specialise in building / repairing?

Historical definition ruleth

Scubs?

Scrubs???????

He might have able to bullshite the suits in the remoter world of carpets, posh seats, wooden veneer desks....

But we wouldn't let the chap anywhere near a clinical environment.

His messing with the non-functioning NPfIT non-integrated software created enough harm to the patient experience without letting him into scrubs.

There are limits in how far old blarney goes you know

Big brothers first name is - Halifax

So, contactless paying

scam artists swiping a tenner everytime your trousers goes past a waist height scanner.

This is not permission to board a tube train (Oyster), this is raw cash; of course its different -what was the fools name who said that? take him to the stocks now.

Records of exactly when and where you have been - its a doddle to register the card ID's location as you walk past, not even bothering to tell the punters or go to the hassle of asking them................

....................................................hhhmmmmmm is big brother's first name Halifax?

Scientologists save car wreck victims. Medics sing Hallelullah

So scientologists are trained paramedics too?

Cool

I'll put that number into my mobile, I could do with some help in the field

15% = current nuclear power contribution

Hi

15% is the backbone of the grid currently provided by Nuclear electricity.

There is no way in hell that the UK is going to be able to provide that much power from wind farms - its just not viable as a mass power source.

We have not even started to tackle wave powere, despite all the bullshite promises over the last 30 years. I remember it happening in a 'couple of years' time on Tommorows World, 25 years ago.

Crudely put, if you covered scotland in wind turbines, you might be able to powere manchester on a windy day.

Its that inefficient.

Mind you, who would notice?

Its not as if anyone lives there.......

Spelling bee?

Sorry I didn't realise that this was a spelling bee

I stand corrected, of course the humour was the essence.

We found after extensive research on 1000 randomly dissected geeks that they found correcting spelling mistakes more enjoyable and never seemed to get humour.