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* Posts by Syed

54 posts • joined 16 Mar 2007

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Spam, a lot of it: Bubble tea is the Seoul of wit

Syed
Coat

"Next week, I’m going to the office in a pink-and-blue jumpsuit."

Oi, Dabbsy,

If you're going to do that, then make sure you hire a cameraman to "accidentally" point the camera at your backside - repeatedly. Then you will have truly recreated the "Challenge Anneka" vibe.

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Twitter: It's JUST LIKE Elder Scrolls (no it's not)

Syed
Trollface

Mr Dabbs, do I spot a little bit of green eyed monster?!

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3

OK, forget the 3D telly fiasco: 4K is gonna blow you away - say tech giants

Syed

World's biggest telly

I dare them to show an episode of Embarrassing Bodies at the IFA.

Actually, make that a double dare.

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NSA is 'great at some sophisticated tasks but oddly bad at the simplest'

Syed
Coat

NSA is 'great at some sophisticated tasks but oddly bad at the simplest'

Rain Main springs to mind.

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Upturned boat sails to Shed of the Year title

Syed
Coat

I had to stop reading...

...after I got to the bit that said "...Sarah Beeny gushed..." and go and have a lie down.

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You're still hired: Viglen bosses get to keep jobs for another year

Syed
FAIL

I'd just like to quote Bordan Tkachuk...

..."Internet Service Protocol".

That is all.

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Touch screens and greasy mitts: All you need is glove

Syed
Coat

Re: Oops!

I was going to make a joke about feeling a right tit but thought better of it!

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Ten ten-inch tablets

Syed
Facepalm

Dear Author, Sorry to pick nits...

... but surely you meant 'discrete apps' and not 'discreet apps'?!

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BRITAIN MUST DECLARE WAR on Cervinaean menace

Syed

MUNTJAC

Are you sure the first and last letters haven't been transposed?

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4G, quad-core, pah. Now connect the next billion bods to mobile web

Syed
Stop

Who's the dirty old git...

... that keeps putting up bikini pics for articles? It make's it difficult to read El Reg at work!!!

Stop it I say!

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MasterCard tries to zap PayPal with own-brand mobe wallet

Syed

@Anonymous Coward 16:41

"I'm not even thirty" -- show off!

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It's the Peer 2.0: Martha Lane Fox now a crossbench baroness

Syed
Joke

It's a good thing...

... her middle name isn't Iris (or some such) as her initials would be MILF!

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Unwearable tech: Five ways IT garb's gone HORRIBLY WRONG

Syed

Re: "A Fully Integrated RF-Powered Contact Lens With a Single Element Display'"

Actual Reality Sensory Environment!

(Thanks to ACE Magazine c.1992? for that one.)

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BBC: Monster cargo ship delivers '863 million tins of baked beans'

Syed
Facepalm

And if you...

... lay the containers out flat they would cover an area the size of Felixstowe (or thereabouts).

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Obama calls for study into games ‘n’ guns link

Syed
Joke

I played Leisure Suit Larry...

...and got VD.

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Viruses infect vital control systems at TWO US power stations

Syed

I wonder if this the place where the clever chap who outsourced his own job worked?

(see article elsewhere in El Reg, I'm too lazy to include a link)

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Three little words stall UN's 'bid for INTERNET DOMINATION'

Syed
Trollface

I nominate Bill Clinton

Anyone who can debate what the definition of the word "is" is deserves to be locked in a room with like minded intellectuals until all the worlds' problems are solved.

3
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Ten weird Chinese mobile phones

Syed
Joke

On the uses of the N688 Watch Phone...

-- "Hey, why does your voice keep fading in and out every second?"

"Urgngh"

--"What did you say?"

"Mmgghh"

--"What are you doing?!"

"Unghgh!"

-- "You sick freak!!!" </Click>

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'How I CRASHED my bank, stole PINs with a touch-tone phone'

Syed

Pardon my ignorance...

... but if a DTMF tone is malformed/distorted then wouldn't/shouldn't it be treated as voice -- assuming the resulting distortion was in the voice range?

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Everything Everywhere to be Nothing Nowhere in rebrand

Syed
Coat

Sir, me Sir, I know, I know...

AYBABTU

All Your (cellular) Base (station)s Are Belong To Us

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Microsoft: It's not Metro, it's Windows 8

Syed
Facepalm

Going backward

@Author wrote "...will be known as a Windows 8-style UI going forward."

How about writing this as "...will be known as a Windows 8-style UI".

The word 'will' indicates future tense so there is no need to 'go forward' -- ever.

</GETS OFF SOAP BOX>

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RBS must realise it's just an IT biz with a banking licence

Syed
Trollface

Question "So. How can they stop that meltdown from happening again?"

Answer: Pay the CEO more.

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2

Ever considered putting a rocket up someone's backside?

Syed
Holmes

Re: Alcohol was a possible factor

You forgot the Sherlock icon!!!

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LG, Samsung, Sony: Smutty Smart TV apps turn us off

Syed
Happy

I only got as far as...

"The adult entertainment industry is having a hard time..."

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The Higgs boson search continues ... into ANOTHER dimension

Syed
Happy

Re: Not yet confirmed:

Not to mention the unladen mass of an African boson vs a European boson.

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Jaw-jaw no more-more as calls fall down tally of phone tasks

Syed
Happy

I'd call them...

...personal computers -- because they are.

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HTC handsets hit by grip of death

Syed
Coat

"...users reporting an improvement ... when the One X is squeezed in a particular way."

Am I the only one that read that the dirty way?

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Reseller kingpin: My rise from school disco boss to FTSE 250 biz

Syed

Really?

"...and one of my lecturers in computing Trevor Wood Taylor tapped me on the shoulder and said, 'What are you doing going forward?"

GOING FORWARD? Really? He really said that? Back in 1980-something?

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Lucy in 3.4 million-year-old cross-species cave tryst

Syed
Joke

Funny bone

Lucy and a monkey sitting in a tree, k - i - s - s - i - ... you know the rest.

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Third European supply podule docks with space station

Syed
Facepalm

Dear Author... make your mind up

First it's 28,000 kph, then it's 28,000 km/hr. Try using km/h.

</PEDANT>

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'Space Monkey' craze: Texan students 'get high' by choking each other

Syed
Meh

Rope, Plastic Bag, Weights?...

Nah, forget that crap - death by bulgarian airbags! If you're gonna do something, do it right.

Also re: the ones that departed this life - good - evolution wins again!

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Doctor Who girl Amy Pond axed in 'heartbreaking' exit

Syed

I second that...

... we most definitely need some ding-dong!!!

They should also bring back Madame de Pompadour - maybe even to be the next incarnation of the Doctor.

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RIM is now worth less than its assets

This post has been deleted by a moderator

Is using your own kit at work a good thing?

Syed

@1Rafayal

"what happens when someone brings an Apple laptop into a .Net dev team"

You bow down and worship your new God.

</TROLL>

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RUPERT MURDOCH HIT BY PIE

Syed
Coat

Has anyone else noticed?...

Rupert Murdoch = Mr Burns

Wendi Deng Murdoch = Smithers

James Murdoch = Frank Grimes

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Syed

@AC 07:33GMT

Ladyslapped?

Surely you meant _bitch_ slapped?

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30,000 Shreks besmirch BeautifulPeople

Syed
Thumb Up

"Ugmos"

Like it!

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NHS trust issues nurse jub flash alert

Syed
WTF?

Customer complaints?

Why not just call them passengers and be done with it?

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London's Olympic clock claps out

Syed
WTF?

For Fucks Sake

My old Casio watch from umpty-five years ago had a stopwatch / countdown timer function.

Maybe they can project the image from one of these relics onto a big wall in Trafalgar Square - it would be a whole lot cheaper to boot.

And to re-iterate my previous point from the title -- FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!

also -- Je5u5 Fucking H Christ!!!

and -- What a bunch of incompetent fucktards!!!

and -- CUPID STUNTS!!!

--END OF RANT--

P.S. Can we please have a combined WTF and FAIL icon?

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Security shocker: Android apps send private data in clear

Syed
Happy

@Anon 16

<Michael Winner Voice>

Calm down dear, it's only an article.

</Michael Winner Voice>

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Council loses USB of patient records

Syed

@BarryBob RE: A solution

I was being sarcastic.

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Syed
Alert

A solution...

How about engraving the home address of council staff onto the memory sticks so that helpful members of the public know where to deliver the misplaced item?

(And maybe deliver a good kicking too!)

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Kid spanks a grand on Xbox using Mum's bank card

Syed
FAIL

Yeah right!

She was too busy dealing with direct debit payments bouncing and didn't think to phone or walk to her bank - " I don't have internet banking, so can't check my balance..", boo hoo -- pull the other one love - especially the middle leg!

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Doner kebab saves bloke's life

Syed
Joke

So...

... he put his meat in the gash!!!

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Wrinkle-faced smartphoners demand 'BlackBerry Botox'

Syed
Thumb Up

Where to put it?

"The Standard concludes by mentioning BlackBerry thumb ... but fails to recommend an expensive private medical cure for the problem."

I know a good place where they can stick their thumb... (hence the icon).

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Panorama stalks alleged stalker's twin brother

Syed

It weren't me guv'... it was my evil twin!

That old chestnut -- still being used successfully.

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Passenger cleared after TSA checkpoint stare-down

Syed
Unhappy

Re: Quite, but would you?

Erm... so how did Richard Reid (shoe bomber) get on the flight? With or without ID?

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Ptable: It’s all about the interface

Syed

Where is...

... Unobtanium? I looked in the periodic table thingy to no avail.

Bah, useless piece of junk!

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Doctor Who to marry Doctor Who's daughter

Syed

Erm...

Shouldn't that be beating as two?!?!?!

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Syed

Not as messy as...

...Bill Wyman's wedding to Mandy Smith... followed by Bill's son getting engaged to Mandy's mother... eurgh!

(Thanks Wikipedia)

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