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* Posts by Mike Crawshaw

508 posts • joined 29 Nov 2007

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Undead deleted photos linger on social networking websites

Mike Crawshaw
Alert

You... you mean...

that if I post stuff on t'interwebtubess, it might escape my control?? No, surely not, that's just implausible....!

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Hunt for MPs' expenses leaker hots up

Mike Crawshaw
Go

The Daily Heil

Would have found a way to blame it on immigrants, paedo's & terrorists. And possibly Nazi Squirrels...

I vote* that this person is identified, gets a new bank holiday named after them (July would be good), and is put in charge of the "independent review" that Gordon Brown wants to look at all the claims.

* like voting means anything these days? "which robbing bastard of this selection of robbing bastards would you like to be robbed by?"

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Yorkshire boozer establishes 'smoking research centre'

Mike Crawshaw
Go

Even Judge Dredd

Didn't ban smoking as much as the gov. There was the "Smokatorium" in 2000AD, I seem to remember from all those years ago.

Even before the ban, I supported choice by the landlord. Any landlord who wanted to convert to non-smoking only could do so, and would get an incentive to help with converssions etc. Any landlord who wished to remain smoking got no incentive, and had to advertise the fact that it was a smoking establishment clearly. We all got along fine when (e.g.) Wetherspoons was non-smoking and my local metal pit was a fug of toxic ash. Now they all just smell the same, stale sweat and eggy farts.

There are a couple of other pubs in the South Yorkshire area that are looking at following suit and doing the same - you GO guys!

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Darth Vader tops movie misquote poll

Mike Crawshaw
Coat

Apocalypse Now & Star Wars...

As Jose Bernardo B R Silva said at 12:00, the "I love the smell of napalm in a morning..." is a mangled monster of a misquote that appears far too often, I'm surprised it's not making an appearance.

My personal bugbear is when people MEAN to say "Veetcha hwankee Chewbacca" ("At last we have the mighty Chewbacca") and ACTUALLY say "vichy hankie Chewbacca" (Chewbacca is a French tissue"). Huttese is a subtle and nuanced language, don'tcherknow.

The coat fashioned into stormtrooper armour that makes small children shout abuse in the street, thanks!

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Plod called in on MPs' expenses leak

Mike Crawshaw

I'm sick of hearing them say...

"It was all within the rules - the rules are at fault, they're open to abuse!"

Yes they are, but it's you, Mr Piggy MP, who is actually abusing them, yes? Yes.

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Vatican damns Angels and Demons as 'quite harmless'

Mike Crawshaw

"Mostly Harmless"?

I doubt anything that can turn one's brain into runny cheese the way the books and previous film do can be described that way...

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Conservative US shock-jock to sue Wacky Jacqui

Mike Crawshaw
Coat

News Just In!

The USA has put Chris Moyles on their refused-entry list because he said "BOOBIES!" once, and they don't like that kind of filth.

Seriously, there are 6 un-named people on that list. Out of the following, at least one must not be on the list, and therefore allowed into the UK:

* Osama Bin Laden

* Kim Jong-Il

* George W. Bush

* Robert Mugabe

* The Ghost of Ayatollah Khomeini

* Dr Evil

* Me

All the above have said naughty things that the Home Secretary doesn't like! What horribly, villainous nasty peoples they are!

Vote now! Who should we refuse entry to the UK out of these contenders??*

*please get permission from the bill-payer before voting. Voting costs £10 from a BT landline, and considerably more from a mobile. Under the Terms and Conditions of uk.gov policy, votes will be ignored and the decision will be made by rolling a dice.

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Ron Howard accuses Pope of scuppering Dan Brown movie

Mike Crawshaw
Stop

I've read all four of his books....

Pity me.

It was actually because I couldn't really believe how bad they were, and I had to keep reading because they just HAD to get better. I believed it was some sort of test, and that I would be rewarded with the intellectual equivalent of apple pie and ice cream at the end for my perseverence.

I wasn't. They were just shite*, whether you take into account the factual errors or not (hey, I'll forgive some, but to effectively make up your own laws of physics? Not without at least a plausible premise for doing so, I'm afraid..).

*and how he managed to get away with lifting entire paragraphs from Holy Blood Holy Grail to Da Vinci Code, I'm not sure. Changing one out of every fifty words for a synonym does not make it your own work, as thousands of teachers will tell you.

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Isle of Man KKK burns cross on Facebook

Mike Crawshaw

"comovers"

"There are too many comovers on the Island"

Please tell me that I'm not the only one who initially read that as "there are too many combovers on the island"... I was mid-agreement until I realised what he actually meant!

PS: "Grand Wizard". Snigger... there are just too many ways to take the piss out of such a title...

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Equality Bill U-turn could damage businesses, warns expert

Mike Crawshaw

so what happens where...

men are paid LESS than women on average? There will be companies where that will be the case. Can the men go running to a tribunal, or will it be hailed as "veritable proof of the successnessity of the integration of synergy in a blue-sky live environment"?*

(I've just been speaking to a project manager type. does it show?)

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Go, Brown, go!

Mike Crawshaw
Thumb Up

65 as I went there

and now 66.

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Street View nod prompts call for privacy watchdog reform

Mike Crawshaw
Stop

First, Second, Third & Fourth

"In a world where many people tweet, Facebook and blog it is important to take a common sense approach towards Street View and the relatively limited privacy intrusion it may cause."

Firstly, "Facebook" is not a verb.

Secondly, I don't tweet, USE FACEBOOK, or blog, and thus this argument is null and void as far as I'm concerned.

Thirdly, people decide themselves what to post on FaceBook etc - they don't have it decided for them by some company.

Fourthly (and finally), although Google Street View CAN be invasive under certain conditions (e.g. it catches you puking in the gutter or with a woman other than your wife), by and large it isn't anything of the kind.

The hypocrisy of "Google can photo everything and stick it on the web, but if YOU photo a church, we'll assume you're a terrorist, lock you up and confiscate your camera" is the issue. If it's OK for Google to photo everything and post it on the web, it should be ok for me to take photos in the street without having plastic plods interrogating me as to the purpose of my activities and accusing me of actually trying to get snaps of some 14yo kids or whatever.

(and yes I know the ICO has nothing to do with me taking pictures. But hey.)

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What on earth do you think you are doing, Darling?

Mike Crawshaw

@ AC 11:31 "Election Coming"

"The only way I can see him holding out till next year is if he's 100% sure of losing. Then everyone in Labour would want to milk the job for as much as they can get."

Looks like it'll be next year then....!

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Private ID scans leave fetish club-goers feeling exposed

Mike Crawshaw
Thumb Down

Say what???

"verifies the age and validity of your customers whilst building a unique data base enabling you to monitor, manage and market to your clientele".

Yeah, I'm sure that people attending the Torture Garden will want monitoring and managing. And obviously, we don't want invalid customers. As for "marketing to"? WTF? "No dear, I don't know why I keep getting money-off vouchers for whipsandchains.com..."

If this is the *positive* selling point, my <insert deity / supernatural tooth fairy of choice here>, we're in trouble...

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Her Majesty's CIO braces US for Obama HIT

Mike Crawshaw
Joke

the languages

Most of the "languages" he refers to are regional dialects.

Additionally, we have European languages, with which we share a rich linguistic heritage.

On top of that, we have the Asian languages, which incorporates languages such as Urdu, Gujurati, Bangladeshi, as well as Mandarin, Thai, Japanese etc. Many of these have common threads, syntaxes etc between them.and thus form a "family" of languages.

Then we have the language of this man, also used by consultants and management types, which follows no syntax, has no grammatical rules, uses a vocabulary impenetrable to those who are not native speakers, and, even when translated, makes no sense whatsoever....

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MySpace CEO hits eject button

Mike Crawshaw
Stop

Tom

does needs a new role. He's spammed everyone on MySpace to the point where his life would be in danger if he was recognised on the street...*

(*note, I'm not on MySpace, this is purely based on what I have been told by people who are, and who claim to be sick of him emailing them like he thinks he's using Twitter. If it's wrong, blame them, not me. )

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Google boffins unveil 'What's Up?' CAPTCHA

Mike Crawshaw
Joke

@ Random Noise

"I seem to remember a similar idea from a few years ago where you had to determine where the kitten was in a series of pictures of puppies."

But did the pictures have suitable captions about cheeseburgers though?

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Brussels to sue UK over Phorm failures

Mike Crawshaw

@ Norman Andrews, 10:11

"This story in Wednesday's London 'Metro'"

Not just London, I just peeked at one in Sheffield, and the article's here too. Hopefully some of the people whose normal interest in the internet is to google images "porn" for a quick hand shandy will start to pay attention....

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Conspiracy theories aplenty as Amazon delists gay books

Mike Crawshaw
Thumb Down

Amazon'R'Crap

Like Nigel Whitfield above, I won't use Amazon. It was the POD / Booksurge debacle (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/03/31/amazon_booksurge_ultimatum/) that did it for me, after a number of problems with wrong items being delivered, and it taking forever to get sorted out. I use Amazon now just to get the ISBNs of items I want, then order them elsewhere. Their e-mails begging me to buy things from them with "suggested titles" is often slightly less relevant than offers to help an exiled millionaire move his fortune...

Whether this latest incident is a result of incompetence or malice, it doesn't make me want to rush back and give them my credit card details!

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Whitehall to train pro-West Islamic groups to game Google

Mike Crawshaw

Ed Husain

(mentioned as a potential beneficiary in the article) wrote a book called "The Islamist"*. It's hardly Andy McNab level action, but describes his descent into radicalisation in a way that really brings across how individuals who are otherwise pious, intelligent and thoughtful Muslims can end up wanting to detonate a semtex vest in the middle of a marketplace. It'd be nice if more people like him, who became radical, but got out before anything serious happened, shared their experiences with the people being targetted by recruiters.

Despite my misgivings at the gov't being involved in anything at all, if some of the wannabe's get directed to messages like this rather than those about the virgins waiting in paradise, it's gotta be a good thing. And it'll be more effective than Smith's attempt to "ban bad things on the interwebs"... though, admittedly, asking people to shut their eyes when something bad comes on screen would be more effective than that!

*Full title is "The Islamist: Why I Joined Radical Islam in Britain, What I Saw Inside and Why I Left", ISBN is 9780141030432. List price is £9.99, but it's on for £6.59 at Waterstones.com and Amazon.co.uk. And It's an easy read too.

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Vatican researcher claims Templars worshipped Turin Shroud

Mike Crawshaw
Go

@ Sweep

My mistake, I guess. I remember JP2 bringing it out and setting up some festival about how wonderful it was in the late 90's or so - I kinda figured that they wouldn't have a little disclaimer at the bottom accepting no responsibility for belief or lack thereof that might or might not be a result (direct or indirect) of representations made by, or on behalf of, those blokes in dresses...

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Mike Crawshaw

Errrr...

Wasn't the Turin Shroud proven fake some time ago? OK, so the Templars didn't have access to carbon dating, so they wouldn't know any better (or maybe they did, and it was all part of the conspiracy to span centuries before the ultimate goal of inflicting century-spanning conspiracies on the world was realised...) but surely this is about as real a relic* as all those pieces of "the true cross" that seem to have populated pretty much every church throughout the middle ages?

* as in actually what it purports to be, leaving aside such questions as the facts not necessarily being the truth, and the impact on a believer being the reality of the situation regardless of anything else blah blah....

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How gov scapegoats systems for man-made errors

Mike Crawshaw
Thumb Down

Trunacy Call

I believe that it was this system that sent me an automated text informing me that young Stacey was not at school.

Which was nice. But I don't have a child called Stacey. And the school in question was in a different county. The nice (but confused) lady at the other end of the phone didn't seem to understand that someone had put a wrong number in, and genuinely seemed to believe that it was a computer error that had generated it - despite me confirming with her that it was my number on the entry, in error.

*sigh*

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Metallica's Lars Ulrich illegally downloads own album

Mike Crawshaw
Thumb Down

I trust, then...

that he'll be providing his own details to the RIAA like he did with thousands of his (now former) fans previously? Admittedly, they lost as many fans from St Anger as they did from the lawsuits...

The man is a prize twat, who's rivalling Gene Simmons for arrogance and a "let's put Metallica on <INSERT ITEM HERE> to make some more cash!!" attitude, but without the ability to take the piss out of himself.

Dave Mustaine and Jason Newstead FTW!!!

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ICO raids and shuts builder blacklist firm

Mike Crawshaw
Black Helicopters

Breaking News!

NuLab announces plans to make public an "Assured Building Industry Database" where prospective employers can assure themselves of the reliability of potential employees. This will automatically cross-reference into the DNA Database, HMRC Database, and Sex Offenders' Register so that employers can be certain that they are employing reputable bricklayers who pay their taxes on time and have no history of jacking off into the mortar, as well as turning up when they're meant to.

"This is an important step forwards for Britain as a society, " said Home Secretary Jaqui Smith. "It sends a strong signal that the UK Government is determined to stamp out illegal information trading, but are equally determined to ensure the protection of our building industry."

Registration to have access to the database, which will be mandatory, will cost £5,000, and each search will cost £4. Any building company found to be employing individuals without using the database will be arrested under anti-terrorism laws for potentially employing those who may have a less-than-favourable view of Gordon Brown.

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Facebook mimics Google's 'poor man's email'

Mike Crawshaw
Thumb Down

He said WHAT?

"...They're all going to become intermixed in various ways. People will use email. They will want to use Twitter, Facebook."

No. I will not. I will not, ever, want to use Twitter and / or FaceBook, or anything of that ilk.

Some people do not have a pathological need to stay informed 24 hours a day to every burp and fart of a thousand other people, nor do we have a similar need to inform all about our every bowel movement. Some of us have, believe it or not, and I know this might be hard to comprehend, even, on occasion, turned our mobile phones off. Shocking, I know. Just Luddites, I guess.

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Lockheed offers ready-to-go supersoldier exoskeleton

Mike Crawshaw
Coat

@ Ian Emery

"They can use it to make a decent version of "Starship Troopers".

(Global warming is caused by RH spinning in his grave from the last version!!)"

He started spinning when they made the first one, and by the time they'd completed the "trilogy" (Dear God, have you SEEN them??? HAVE YOU?? The shame! The pain!) he was rotating fast enough to solve the world's energy crisis for the next thousand years.

<- Mine's the one with the dog-eared copy of Stranger in a Strange Land in the pocket.

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NASA's CO2-scan sat set to launch

Mike Crawshaw

I can't help wondering...

If they'll publish the real numbers, or fiddle them again?

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Life hands Sun steaming sack of...

Mike Crawshaw
Joke

Obnoxious Long Hair?

Are you looking at the same dude as I am? He's not put any effort into that, he's obviously a pussy. I have hair to the my coccyx. Now that's obnoxious.

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Paris Hilton scoops triple Razzie dishonour

Mike Crawshaw

Too much Slumdog, not enough Millionaire

Saw it (read: got dragged there by the gf) on Saturday. Seriously, the most over-rated film since 4 Weddings. I dropped off a couple of times, woke up, and saw nothing worth staying awake for, so went back to sleep. Net result = numb bum & slight neck-ache, with a hankering to get those 2 hours back.

Avoid unless you get your rocks off by viewing poverty (which it has lots of).

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Too busy to make a jam sandwich? M&S can help

Mike Crawshaw
Happy

@ debaser (no flames....!)

I buy my lunch every day, because:

a: I'm lazy. Rather have an extra couple minutes in bed than make butties.

b: I'm lazy. If I brought lunch, I'd just eat it at my desk. Buying it forces me to take a break and go for a walk.

c: I'm investing. I buy the Boots Meal Deal (TM). Not because it tastes good (s'ok, I guess, but nothing wonderful...) and every 5 I buy, I get one free, so it works out to be £2.50 for a sandwich, can of red bull & bag of crisps, which ain't bad. Plus those card points, which means at the end of the year, I can buy the gf some nice perfume for Xmas, which gets me some brownie points, without actually spending any real money (which can then be spent on eau de Jack Daniels instead). Bargain.

Sometimes, being lazy & stupid makes perfect sense!

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Info chief slaps Met on CCTV in pubs

Mike Crawshaw
Black Helicopters

Yet another reason

To stay in.

Smoking ban - so you have to freeze yer crackers off outside

Shite music in most venues

Crowded by pissed up idiots who think that a curly wig is the height of wit.

Spending a sizeable portion of the evening waiting to get drinks / have a piss

Incredibly expensive (£2.50 a shot for "premium" spirits = £75 a bottle FFS!!!)

And now the "benefit" of being on Plod.tv.

And people wonder why I'd rather spend my evenings playing poker with a few good buddies, with a stogie in mouth, bottle of Jack Daniels to hand, with some music we like playing in the background.

(or am I getting old? I dunno.)

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BCS accuses UK.gov of grabbing 'draconian' data powers

Mike Crawshaw
Alert

WTF???

"The organisation also said the law would be unlikely to pass muster under the Human Rights Act, could increase citizens' distrust of government and "could have disastrous consequences in the hands of a less benevolent government"."

"Increase citiznens' distrust of government"??? How is that possible? How could anyone trust this band of troughing, power-mad cnuts who make a scientologist preacher look trustworthy ANY less??

"less benevolent government" - you're having a fucking laugh, right guys? Mussolini was more benevolent than Brown - at least he did something to get the trains running.

(Prizes for understatements to the BCS!)

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Beta-blocker 'erases' unpleasant memories

Mike Crawshaw
Black Helicopters

How long

before NuLab makes it mandatory to make us all less afraid of their latest crack-brained schemes?

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Pilots boycott gov ID cards

Mike Crawshaw
Thumb Up

Good on them

Fantastic to see. The first group being forced into having the "voluntary" cards have shouted a resounding "FUCK OFF" - and have a powerful position to do so from. I hope that they keep their resolve, rather then crumbling as soon as they hear the words "disciplinary action". Then the govt has a simple choice - U-turn or ground all flights, as they'll have no pilots.

If only everyone else in the country was as determined to retain some aspect of their freedom.

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Mortal Kombat maker Midway goes titsup

Mike Crawshaw

GET OVER HEEERE!!!

Shame, they made some decent film & TV tie-ins.

Oh, hang on, no, I'm thinking of something else...

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Wakefield does a Brum with possessive apostrophes

Mike Crawshaw
Flame

APS - Setting a Bad Example

He's not enough of a pedant to be in charge of the APS!

"Next in line was John Richards of the Apostrophe Protection Society, who said: "The council should aim its efforts to ensuring that apostrophes are used correctly, not deciding to erase them altogether. It is choosing the easy way out, dumbing down and showing contempt for the large number of area's residents who take a pride in the English language.""

Immediately, I wish to correct him.

"It is choosing the easy way out, dumbing down and showing contempt for the large number of **THE** area's residents who take a pride in the English language."

Sheesh. Though, of course, I'm sure that I've made an equally obvious error here!

Anyway. Stupid idea. Apostrophes are there for a reason. If you're going to remove the apostrophe, then remove the contraction it represents. Therefore:

"St Noddy's Road" should be renamed "Saint Noddy His Road"

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Twitter breaks Jam Festival record

Mike Crawshaw

@ James

"Maybe I'm being dumb (wouldn't be the first time, won't be the last) but are they really suggesting that 4,180.50 is 68% of 20,000? Or is there another way I'm meant to be reading that."

It took me a moment, but it means that 68% of the $4,180.50 has been paid - $2,842.74. Or 14.2% of the target $20k. Lots of charities do this - when you see Comic Relief saying they've reached £15 bazillion, very little of that is "paid" at the time, most of it is "pledged", so they count it, but haven't got the money in the bank. The cheque's in the post, as it were...

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Heartland data breach hit 160 banks (and rising)

Mike Crawshaw

At least

They're informing the customers. I'm still waiting to hear from NatWest as to whether my details were on that hard drive they flogged on e-Bay last August....!

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New Windows virus attacks PHP, HTML, and ASP scripts

Mike Crawshaw

@ Fred + Wortel & AC. Oh, and "B"

Fred: "As for those of you who state that getting advice for new comers to Linux/Ubuntu - you are totally wrong."

Erm, no, not *wrong*. Maybe the users in question (who are, to be fair, not "tech-heads", but are basically pretty competent as home users go) went to the wrong place (AFAIK, they Googled the issue they were having and clicked the links) - but they definitely did come out with a bad impression of the community (I won't repeat verbatim their comments!), and were thus quite discouraged from progressing any further.

I've made a note of the locations mentioned by the 3 of you above (visible at this time), and will pass them to anyone who mentioned similar issues in the future.

B - "if only...." they weren't £x00 more than the price of a comparable-spec PC...! (just priced up: £700 for an iBook, £400 for a higher-specced (RAM, HDD & processor all higher) Toshiba laptop...) - there's a credit crunch on y'know!! ;-)

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Mike Crawshaw

@ Ash 12/02 08:25

That level of "help" on Linux forums is precisely why I know dozens of people who have given Linux of various flavours a try, and then returned to Windows. They're generally above-the-average level for Windows home users - quite comfortable settings up home networks or tweaking for performance gains etc. To them, asking a reasonable enough question for a new user of a product, to be shouted down with nonsensical abuse by "the elite" (who sound like 13yo's writing text messages) is enough to make them say "Fuck that for a lark".

Say what you like about Windows, but generally speaking, the majority of "help" areas for home users are at least somewhat helpful, and don't just take the piss out of a new user for not being instantly familiar with the intricacies of unfamiliar, and often quite daunting, tasks.

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Pioneer unplugs tellies and 10,000 workers

Mike Crawshaw

Setting a Good Example

"The firm will pay no bonuses to directors, and expects exec and director pay to fall some 20 per cent to 50 per cent until March 2011."

Jeez. If only a few other industries (hello, banking? I'm looking at you!) would follow suit on this part.

Being laid off (been there twice, currently looking at #3 inside the next 6-12) is never fun, but even less so when a single director - usually being one of the people who got things wrong which has led to you being out of work - gets a yearly bonus worth more than you could hope to make in your working life*.

*Peter Cummings, HBOS Chief Exec Corporate Division**: 2007, Basic pay = £630,000, plus a further £1,976,000 bonus - giving a total package (£2.606M) enough to pay for 170 branch staff (earning £12-15k at present), with leftovers for cake.

At £30k pa, it would take you nearly 87 years to make what he did in one - and all he did was break everything.

** not that I have a particular dislike for either Mr Cummins or HBOS, his was simply the first set of details I found - and seeing as HBOS has fallen to pieces, it seemed more appropriate that looking for Barclays.

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Authors Guild to Amazon Kindle: Shut up

Mike Crawshaw

@ Stevoid, "Gaiman's Comment"

I thoroughly liked Neil Gaiman's writing before seeing this. Now I feel compelled to go buy a Collector's Edition set of Sandman comics to show my appreciation for his common sense.

<-the ones with the concealed copies of bedime stories that I read aloud in a whisper so as not to get sued...

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Kids online: Parents need to regulate, says Ofcom

Mike Crawshaw

“Laws rarely prevent what they forbid.”

Are you listening, Jacqui?

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China preps internet porn snitching awards

Mike Crawshaw
Joke

@ Fozzy

"what's the point in having net access if you can't rant about what the bloody government can/can't should/shouldn't be doing in between porn sessions"

Sorry? "in between porn sessions"? Not sure I follow your meaning there... is there such a thing as "in between"?

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Norfolk town's schools first to be heated by burning cattle

Mike Crawshaw

I wait with bated breath..

For a Muslim / Jewish (they both regard the pig as unclean) spokesperson to decide that their religion is more important and,if you'll pardon the expression, kick up a stink...

(or, perhaps more probably, for Nick Griffin to claim that they are to try and stir it up a bit.)

Kudos for imagination though. I understand in Norfolk (from a colleague who comes from that way - understandable enough with a phrasebook) that they used to do something similar with chickenshit. Which just leaves too many jokes available to even think about....!

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Joker must retire, insist Heath Ledger fans

Mike Crawshaw
Stop

I feel for Adam West...

Because no one, ever, ever, will ever top his performance as Batman. No way, no how. Ever. George Clooney and Val Kilmer? Pussies. Christian Bale? Whiney bitch.

I'm off to start a Facebook group to ban all Batman films, comics, animations, video games, action figures, posters and novelty lunchboxes (careful, Sarah!) unless they feature the perfect Mr West as the Dark Knight.

Or I would if I had a Facebook account, and could be arsed. Which isn't the case. Oh well.

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Large Hadron Timewaster

Mike Crawshaw

Priorities

ID Cards: £4.7bn so far

LHC: £4bn so far

I know which I'd rather see money spent on.

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Wacky Jacqui Smith says whole country crusading against CCTV

Mike Crawshaw
Thumb Down

Waste of Time...

She freely admits that CCTV is hated by pretty much every community - not too long after she was insisting that everyone loved it and wanted more. She's proven that she, like her master, cares not a jot about the opinions of the unwashed masses over and over, so I expect nothing short of "You don't like them? Tough. I do. Get ready for more. BWA HA HAAAA!!! POWER!!!"

CCTV was pointed straight at the junction where idiots who piled out of a pub, piled into their car, and piled into the side of my gf's car, forcing her off the road, though thankfully without her injury. The police refused to even investigate because she hadn't written down the licence number of the offending car. What's the frickin' point of CCTV then?

And like AC ("feckless bint") above, our local urchins are quite content to congregate around their bottles of White Lightning right in front of one of the damned things, whilst playing chicken and hurling bricks about.

In Sheffield and Leeds, we regularly have fights (ok, 2 blokes pushing each other shouting "come on then!!" until one of them gets jumped by the other's mates and kicked into the pavement) on a Friday & Saturday night, right in front of them, and they sure don't seem to discourage the protagonists - I certainly don't hear anyone saying "dear me, there's a CCTV there - let's not rough-house tonight, eh old chap?"

But I bet if I wore a "Jackie Smith is a fucking moron and I like cartoon pornography" T-shirt in front of one whilst toking a joint, the boys in blue would show up quick enough.

Considering the time of year, she's due a single red rose - V for Vendetta style!

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Mike Crawshaw
Coat

Oops

OK, OK, I read it as it was written, without realising it was just a problem whereby she doesn't understand the English language, nor is she able to effectively speak it. Considering the mumbo-jumbo she comes out with, that's not news.

My coat's the one with the Interflora quote in the pocket, cheers....

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