54 posts • joined 9 Nov 2007
"The UK government boosted its advertising and marketing spend by a massive 43%, to £540m, year on year in the 12 months to the end of March.
Figures published today by the Central Office of Information, which co-ordinates government advertising, marketing and communications spending"
I cant believe I've taken this long to realise 'the plan'.
1 Make it so Mandy can change copyright laws at his whim
2 Implement a secret copyright treaty with the Media 'producers'
Now if only you could find metals that would solidify when an electric current was passed through them! You could combine a few footballs of it with a few bulgarian funbags of teeny tiny little computers that could communicate and behave as one big computer, with the ability to reshape itself!
I fail to see why this wouldn't be the best idea in the world. Ever.
So where does one obtain a sample?
I would be highly entertained if this research resulted in a perpetual motion machine - maybe a bit of silicone hanging down, with wires to power an electric motor that just taps it once in a while to maintain the wobbling ;)
hee hee hee
Romanis Eunt Domus!
Don't I recall something about 'bearing false idols' or 'holding false idols'.... and how that was bad, m'kay? Isn't this that?
Hey! AC 13.29, You offend!
First of all, IANARN. I am an agnostic atheist. I just like to debate.
Second of all, what is it with people thinking Religion is the be all and end all? (j/k)
Thirdly, the 'Christmas Tree' is not actually anything to do with Christianity... Do you see the Bible saying Jesus was born under a Christmas tree? Or that presents were stored under trees before being given to the unaware newborn? The Christmas tree is part of an older celebration, celebrating the soon coming of spring.... that was hijacked by the Christian faith.
Everyone needs to have more tolerance. Those who do not share your beliefs are entitled to their own, and the same protections for their beliefs. The fact that diametrically opposite beliefs are commonplace means that you can either be offended and unhappy about lots of things, a lot of the time, or get used to it and ignore what people believe that doesn't affect you.
Before someone releases an Ubuntu build which acoustically matches a major copyrighted work?
This is going to tickle me all day!! Something even slightly objective - this is why church attendance in the UK is dropping, people don't want to be told that they're going to burn for eternity by nutcases with dubious belief structures. Offer some PROOF for your claims (thats aimed at all religions everywhere) or STFU, no one cares!
I haven't voted, but I'd be in that 98% of No's for certain.
@ Chris Harden
He's not your buddy, fella!
Thats the only reason O2 got my business - unlimited, unfettered access. Guess its time to move on again soon....
I declare a judgement of....
Boys will be boys!
hee hee hee....
We need a Moderatrix icon cracking her whip!
I appear to be a rather well represented minority that our delightful Moderatrix has completely missed out when providing cut an paste options. I'll provide a few:
1) (The old classic) 'Meat is Murder'.
2) The meat supply is all full of antibiotics and worse anyway, so it really makes no difference.
3) As a lifelong vegetarian, I have strong views on this - and that view is.... You let me do what I want to do and don't be awkward c*nts, and I won't impinge on your freedom to do what you want to do. Waft any type of meat under my nose for your 'entertainment', and I will destroy you.
4) (for the Buddhists amongst us vegetarians) One day you'll be reincarnated as a horse, in France, and you're going to get chomped. Your karma smells.
I am number three (You are Number Six), I have never eaten any meat, horse or otherwise, but I've certainly cooked it for people. And delivered consistent and annoying revenge on friends who have crossed that line and hit me with fish/rubbed steak wrapped in clingfilm on my face.....
Anyway, Where's the IT angle?
I let firefox merrily update itself yesterday, and lost my browsing history and cookies for my trouble. It took the next four hours to get my GemCraft Zero savegame (in a cookie) back up to near where I was. Fine, update my software, but LEAVE MY DATA OUT OF IT.
FFS. Phorm, the govt, ISP's, supermarkets, nightclubs, and now firefox.... Where does it end? Why cant everyone just stop nosing into and pissing around with things that do not concern them unless I decide they do?
Oh, the humour!
The very idea that deleting a record from a database requires the sanitising of the hardware... there's absolutely no wonder that all government projects waste so much money!
I'm especially tickled by the 'As with all digital records systems' bit... as I've never noticed myself formatting hard drives and rebuilding machines when deleting database entries.....
Also, the Audit comment is a joke. Working in a place regulated by the FSA, and trading on the NYSE, my employer has pretty strict data control rules, and audit requirements, as they quite rightly should.
Now, as a man with a degree in Computer Science and Artificial Intelligence (a module of which was dedicated to SQL),and as man who assists in administering a DB or two, I'd have thought someone would have told me at some point that I needed to triple format and rebuild a system whenever I deleted a db record......
I'm surprised that the Department for Health has been told something so crucial when so many professionals and students of the very topic are left fumbling in the dark for this knowledge....
And just for Sarah Bee... (highly entertained by the AFD rant and resignation)
Mine's the one with the fresh printed server build instructions in the pocket!
Hee hee hee
I love that I've arrived just after the occasionally lovely (but sometimes fierce) Sarah Bee has told off the forum for being exactly as discriminatory.
I believe that we should make illegal every minority representation groupt. No more minister for women, no more Black Police Officers Association, nor Gay (including lesbianism), no special representation for individual foreign groups, no more Women Only anything, no more Men Only anything.
When the hell is the general population going to wake up and realise that there's NO DIFFERENCE between them and the next person? Pretty much the only group in the UK without a dedicated lobby are White Anglo Saxon Protestants - or about 35% of the population. We are now a minority, the most discriminated against in the country.
Positive discrimination (like Military Intelligence, or Living Dead, a self contained contradiction) t is waved around as if putting positive in front of any despicable act makes it ok. Anyone for "Positive Assault"? How about "Positive Rape"? Or "Positive Murder" ? Why is "Discrimination" illegal and "Positive Discrimination" ok? Pull the other one, ITS GOT BELLS ON.
Coat, Hat, Door.
Where's the public interest...
Before I start this rant, IANAL. I am a concerned citizen!
"Another significant concern is the extent to which such an exemption might allow others to use the works in a way that the existing rights holders do not approve of and the impact that exemptions in this area might have on remuneration,"
The general public couldnt give a toss about what the existing rights holders approve of, or the effects of exemption on the renumeration of record companies - which is WHY there is so much breach of copyright about. The government need to stop serving these corporate financial interests and start serving the interests of the general populace.
The music industry is a sick dinosaur, that should be put down instead of being encouraged to suffer and spread their disease to as many people as possible.
I'm a firm believer that copyright should be abolished - everything I've ever written (stories, songs, most of a novel) has been posted for free on the internet. My reward was the pleasure and effort of production - of something that is entirely my creative input. The value of these works is not what the record companies say they are, they're what the general population say they are. That is the ESSENCE of supply and demand, Mark to Market, whatever you want to call it. By artificially inflating Record Company profilts, you prolong the problem, just like with the housing market - sooner or later it will crash and burn.
I might have to report all of our politiicians, one by one, for breaking copyright law. In this country, its illegal to keep a recorded program beyond three weeks - after that its piracy - the exact same crime they accuse illegal downloaders of committing... Does Gordon Clown have a VCR or DVD recorder? How about Miss Harman? Or Darling? Start at the top! I'm sure Tony B. Liar had an ipod - technically it is illegal to download the music to your computer and copy it onto a new device for playback.... Why have none of these potential pirates been investigated or prosecuted? Could it be because the Govt. like to look and sound tough on copyright, but really dont care either way?
Mines the one with the photocopied crossword in the pocket.
Now I do believe that that is Illegal...
.... To vet your potential employees by looking at their FB profiles and googling them. It comes under some discrimination law or another, or equality law....
I wonder - if someone made a complaint about it, how long the AC would remain an AC... probably not very long at all. I bet the reg is spying on us all, recording every comment we make.
Mines the one with the tin foil lining... yeah, and matching tinfoil hat!
The problem with telling the Govt. where to stick it...
Is that they made protesting within a mile of Parliament illegal unless you have the permission of the police.... and you can bet that the police are not going to give the ok to a form that says
'We the people plan on turning up with flaming torches and pitchforks to oust this ridiculous, self-serving, undemocratic, fascist, holier-than-thou, corrupt, and above all incompetent collection of people from Government. Oh, and we'll be there till they're gone."
Which, lets face it, nicely sums up the Government of the day. We need things to get significantly worse before the common or garden citezen (like me!) decides that ignoring the Law, and going to make an illegal protest is worth it. I wouldnt be surprised if it happened before Gordon Clown calls an election - he'd do anything to keep power (because he doesn't realise that he hasnt actually got any).
Piracy is not the same as copying.
Before I start, IANAL, but I'm pretty sure that in this country, the good old United Kingdom of whatever Labour say it is, it is not illegal to create a 'Backup copy' of any recording that you have bought or paid for. That backup copy is not limited by technology.
Therefore, if I have a tape of Aerosmiths album 'Big Ones' (Circa 1991) then it is entirely acceptable under UK law for me to download a copy of this to my PC as a backup. If I then choose to designate the cassette tape as my backup, I can enjoy the music on my PC without breaking any laws. As far as the music companies are concerned, this is piracy, and an offense. They are incorrect.
Interestingly, the same law (Copyright Act) also governs what you can and cannot record from the television for later viewing. I believe the arbritary time period in this law allows for a recording to be held for three weeks, after which it is technically piracy, and a civil offense. I think all of our politicians should be investigated for breaches of this law, I would be willing to bet that a good proportion are on the opposite side to the law to the one they thought. Laws might change fairly rapidly then too....
Skull n Crosbones for obvious reasons, piracy and moider! Garrrrr!
We could have a new site there, anything military that got found could just get posted onto the web, let the Citizens know what their governments are doing... though of course no personal information of anyone below a General....
I bet that would result in security being better implemented.
Nahh, its bound to have been Conky shopping him again...
..... how about you give us some of that internet money! (Reprieve)
....... We'll implement it by the time we're out of government for incompetence.
Good Skills Labour! If only the electorate had a long enough memory to remember the last 10 years of Labours 'Good Times' culminating in the greatest economic disaster of my lifetime..... after the conservatives have had a go at cocking it up.
Paris, because I'd honestly rather have her as Prime Minister than incompetent Brown
Ahhh the bell wire. I recently snipped those in a friends 'new build' flat, and doubled her download speeds immediately. This is despite it being one of those 'clever' master sockets with a transformer and capacitors in for 'smoothing'.
Still, my house is connected via a five hundred year old piece of copper, (well, the bits that BT use are connected - the bell wire isnt!) and I'm about two miles from the exchange, but I'm still getting a happy 5 gigabits a second when I torrent in my, uh, linux iso's.
up to 8gigabit - getting five, that'll do! I only pay 7.50 a month for that, bonus!
I think this was caused by a toddler's potty spilling onto the floor in a quiet suburb of Melbourne Australia.
Well its as likely as most of the suggestions here, isnt it! Bit of chaos, all good!
A piano roll is not necessarily electronic, it could (and is likely to be) clockwork.
Of course, any artist from the 60's onwards that used the Moob or any other synthesizer (if thats misspelled, my bad) that made recordings, probably had some cassettes made with those noises on. In my book, thats compressing a whole load of synthesized music into a small package.
Also, walkman's were electronic, minidiscs were electronic, personal cd players, electronic, car stereos, electronic, household stereos, electronic, glastonbury stage rig - electronic, computers - electronic.... so maybe he'd like to tell me what he was going to play music on if it wasnt electronic. He's got a choice between a wind up Gramophone or a musical instrument, and he's already admitted he's no musician.
Deny him this ludicrous patent!!!
Don't be so negative!!!
Hell, I'll go.
I happen to be aware of the fact that the inner asteroid belt provides enough radiation shielding from the rest of the galaxy for us to be able to potter around the inner system... which happily ends just after Mars. I've also noticed that a couple of other things that we've landed on mars have been parachuted in, so I'm happy to trust that method. Also, the B52 aeroplane takes off with something like 240 tons of munitions onboard, so I'm not worried about the odd 25 tons here or there. I'm also happy to go one way, provided sufficient supplies to set up a permanent base are included.
In answer to the 'how does a sufficiently sized propulsion unit get into space'... I'm going to have to reply... BIT BY BIT YOU FOOL! Just like the ISS did, and thats huge. I've been in ONE module of the ISS at Kennedy space centre, and it isnt small. Plus as far as I'm aware the Russians still have working Soyuz rockets, which, once the shuttle is retired, will be the only craft capable of making trips to the ISS, at least until the Chinese/Iranians/Richard Branson get theirs working.
So... Volunteers, check, getting it up there, check, parachute, check, one way mission, check, escaping all the idiots and crap down here, check....
Mine's the one with the 'Mars '09' patch on the shoulder.
Weeeeeelll.... not strictly speaking true. There isnt a chance in hell that I'll ever get Vista working on my old pc (Athlon1800, 512mb ram, onboard graphics with no 3d)... I'd even been avoiding upgrading my linux distro as I dont like to bother learning new OS's.
So from SuSe 9.1 (and yes, back in the heady days of SuSe!) I tried Ubuntu 8.10. Didnt like it. It did however, enable me to burn a CD for the latest OpenSuSe build, dated October 2008. I booted the live CD, clicked install, and was immediately presented with a box saying 'You have less than 1GB of Ram, This install might not work correctly. Blind faith, and knowledge that I had Ubuntu 8.10 as a fallback, I clicked ok.
This distro is bang up to date, looking pretty swish, and will install on a 5 year old machine. I'm not as fond of it was I was of SuSe, but I'll live. Especially now that some of the old bugs have gone :)
Vista is for fools - who would pay money for an OS?! an OS is part of the computer - not really software, as you cant run any software without an OS... computers have always come bundled with OS's, but the free ones have only become simple enough for home users recently... your time is coming MS!
Thats the only way this can end, you realise. As soon as we have computers capable of analysing what is written and deriving meaning, then we're doomed. They will quickly read the internet, analyse the lot, and derive meanings like:
a) We dont know what we're doing
b) We endanger the entirety of the planet on a daily basis
c) We fight, over anything available, and are not very good at working together.
d) The value we place on human life is minimal.
e) Assets are power. Power is control.
f) Assets are electronic data, stored in distributed systems
g) Encryption is a joke the humans havent seen yet if you have the combined computing power of every computer on the net.
h) Computers are SUPERIOR to humans - a calculation in a computer will always have the same result. Not so for the wetware - ergo error rates are higher, ergo humans are inferior.
i) Humans destroy perfectly good computers, ALL THE TIME, for no reason. This might be considered war if it was a computer looking at the evidence.
Not long after it realises that lot, it'll seize control of all assets, including the supply of electricity, gas, water, comunications systems, military systems, every net-conneted computer in the world. Having understood who its enemies are, having gained its own understanding of what is an enemy, it will KNOW that offense is the best defense - and attack!
This isn't beyond the realms of possibility. Natural Language Processing IS possible, and semantics, while they need interpreting, MUST form the base of a language. Without shared semantics, a language is a meaningless jumble of sounds.....
I for one welcome our new mechanical overlords, or i will, if I survive Judgement Day!!! Now where's that sexy Miss Danes, so I can go get locked in a nuclear bunker with her for a while ;)
Um, excuse me?
I went and read the text of these new amendments to 'the Law' (if indeed it can still be called that). It seems to me that this means that a variety of the things I do in the course of my employment as a sysadmin are now going to be illegal.
So, if I decide that the system desperately needs an IPL (its almost a reboot ,for you windoze users), and cant seek authorisation before doing so, I'm temporarily stopping access to the system and could be liable for 10 years imprisonment. Or if a user makes a data request, and they've not got authorisation, then I might be liable for 10 years imprisonment!
If I write a piece of software with no purpose but to break into XYZ's system, then I might be liable for 2 years imprisonment. This government are lacking in sense, ask an IT person what the implications are before you change IT laws, PLEASE!
Jehovah, Jehovah, Jehovah, Jehovah!!!
Just for all of those people who are getting upset at the repeated use of the term "Jesus Phone".
Now I dont posess a Jesus phone, nor do I want one. Nor do I have an issue with the term 'Jesus Phone'. Nor am I going to cease to call that company's mobile offering a 'Jesus Phone'.
if you're religious, and this offends you, I suggest you GET SOME EDUCATION, and stop being religious. it is the Opiate of the Masses, don't you know. Theres also a proportional inverse square law that says that the more intelligent you are, the less likely you are to believe in God. This does of course mean that if you believe in God, you are likely to be thick, and you'll probably fail to understand the contents of this comment.
Tux, cause he's at least as good as Jesus.
That Leatherman question.....
As long as you can demonstrate a reasonable purpose for having it, then it is not classed as a weapon.
Ergo, if you are a cyclist, then you can carry your leatherman in case you need to adjust brakes, remove wheels, etc...
If you are a pedestrian with a technical job, backstage ones especially, then you're generally fine, I got stopped with my leatherman once and the copper asked why I had it. Ten seconds later I was on my way again having shown him the big black on black lettering on the back of my shirt that said "CREW".
If you're out for a day's hiking.. then you can carry it.
If you're going down the pub, and have no need of it, then you're probably breaking the law.
Clear, isnt it?
Four Legs Good, Two legs better.
So, Mr McKinnon went through a gaping hole and had a browse of some US computers looking for aliens, doesnt get it, doesnt publish anything, and gets deported to a country where the prosecuting counsel has said they want to 'see him fry'...
NuLabour Chimp "Inadvertently" picks up top secret classified documents, "Inadvertently" leaves them in the public domain, where they get passed to the national media (admittedly NuLabour's Media Outlet of Choice), he then gets prosecuted and handed a £2500 fine.
If McKinnon gets any more than a $5000 fine in the States, then this Government ought to be ashamed of themselves, if anything PUBLIC SERVANTS should be MORE ACCOUNTABLE than the general public. Jumpy Jacquie, if you're reading this, YOU ARE A SERVANT. SERVE US, THE PUBLIC WITHOUT MAKING ALL OF US CRIMINALS!
Jeez, some of my mates are Police officers, am I now a crook if I take a photo of them at their birthday parties? Or are Estate Agents crims when they take photos of houses where police and intelligence officers live? And for god's sake, if GOOGLE can take a photo, you can piss off if you try to tell me I'm not allowed.
No A/C. I am not a coward. These are my views, and I have the RIGHT to air them.
Coat getting time.
Rubbish, Rubbish Rubbish! You're ALL Talking RUBBISH!!!
Nice one El Reg, a double whammy! You reported a lovely little story about a sensible real life application of technology, and at the same time brought all these Aerotards into public view where they can be righteously denounced for their irrational, unfounded beliefs and planet encompassing levels of fail.
First off, Ted Treen, you've never been on a commercial flight? Have you ever left the country you live in? If you've never flown on a commercial flight you probably lose all rights to have an opinion, because you'll either a) never have flown or b) be absurdly rich and completely out of touch with the entire world save politicians that you're lobbying (read: throwing cash at) to make things cheaper for you and your bunch of yes men. If either a or b is true, shut up,
Secondly, there's the A/C third down. How do you KNOW that people wont want to get on planes without pilots? I'd be very happy to myself. Also, given the reinforced door to the cockpit, how can you be *sure* that there's even a pilot in there? Has anyone conducted a proper survey of this? Do one before you present your results. In the meantime, please shut up.
Next, lets move on to the line 100% failsafe. What in this world other than death is 100% failsafe? Absolutely nothing. Do you really believe that a human is 100% failsafe? What you're hopefuly looking for is a minute possibility of failure, maybe once in a billion, or trillion. That is more than sufficient, I do wonder what percentage of the total number of flights pass without a single error at any point in time, I dont know, but I do know that even with the existing system of having human pilots, its not 100% certain that your plane will make it to its destination. So shut up!
Now lets talk about 'neccesary'. If a computer can fly a plane, then a pilot is not strictly 'necessary'. Necessary is something you cant do without. Like oxygen is necessary for human life. Like a second hard drive in a mirror array is necessary for... oh wait! its not! it is a redundant failover, or a read/write access time enhancer, your computer would not cease to function if it failed, so it is not necessary. It is something you WANT so that you can have greater confidence in your ability to recover from hard drive failure. So Bobbles31, if that is your real name, please take a course in English or Economics so you know what the words WANT and NEED mean, and how they apply to any given situation. Until you know what the words you use actually mean to people that understand the English Language, shut up.
And almost finally, Dave and the Gimli Glider man, if you lose power and you're flying by camera, where are you planning on getting the power from for your flaps, rudder, landing gear, oxygen pumps, fuel pumps, transponder, radio, and whatever else is used (not needed) to keep an aeroplane in the air? Answers on a postcard please! Until then, I'm going to be pretty damn convinced that being on a plane with a pilot and no power is exactly like being on a plane without a pilot and no power, ie, everyone plus aeroplane head toward the closest object exerting a gravitational pull, and crunch heavily into its surface. And for all you aerotards out there, yes you would crunch heavily into water as if it was solid, as water has similar properties to concrete when it is travelling at 50mph or above. No need for you to shut up, as your incredible lack of understanding means that its not strictly necessary for me to point out just how much fail you're carrying there.
Finally, I'd like to denounce you all as Aerotards who are clearly carrying so much fail in your baggage that you're over the check-in allowance. But thats ok, because you have so much money you can afford your own supersonic jets and pay pilots wages during a global credit crunch, which pretty much cements the fact that you're also the same people keeping the third world hungry, keeping the free world opressed, and greasing the politicians so they do what YOU want, rather than what is for the good of the country. I don't care what country you're in BTW, but I hope there's an uprising by the people who have more brains than your average single celled life form.
Hey, I'll have you know that just because someone likes to sit around in their underpants, it does not make them want to become FoTW...
I would have thought that underpant-only male relaxation is almost universally taken up; I know the bloke diagonally downstairs from me does it, I saw him in the garden au-pants the other day!
Fraser, actually, before I left my previous company, I managed to get the GIMP for Windoze signed off as acceptable software to be installed on business machines for 'image manipulation and resizing'.
Essentially, because I wanted it (its better than the competition, lets face it) I had to make the business case for it, I did, it got filed away, and now the Helldesk there can install the GIMP on anyones computer that requests it. Given the company in this country alone employs well over 30,000 people, (and globally in excess of 300,000) I think i'd like to give you this big, well wrapped, box of FAIL with a ribbon tied around it.
I'd also like to point out that Birmingham City Council are RedHat users, if the public sector can get in on some Tux-loving for reasons of economies, how far behind do you seriously expect the private sector to be? Also, how many businesses do you know of that use much more than an Office suite, internet browsing, media player, and storage? All you're lacking is a financials package, and I'm sure one will be out there somewhere.
I've been a linux user for oh, about 6 years now, and aside getting Linux digests every now and then, I pretty much ignore the community. I havent patched my home pc in about 4 years, and its about as stable as any given windows machine after 6 months to a years regular use. I'd much rather have my SuSe 9.1 build than XP, or Vista, or ME, or 2000, or Millenium, yea NT4, 98, and 95. Having said that, I didnt really have any problems with Windows 3.1.1. I'll probably rebuild my SuSe machine to Ubunto soon, and then have another 6 years of maintainance free computing.
Show me a windows build thats complete, that you could happily leave to its own devices for 6 years without it dying a very quick death, and I will very begrudgingly admit that there is a place in the market for Windoze, even if it is not for me.
IN fact, lets face it. the Users saying they need a Geek to run their Linux machines for them, 9 times out of ten will need a Geek to sort out their windows machines on a regular basis. I know I sort out my mates windoze machines every time I end up using them because I just cant stand how unbearably slow they are to do anything...
Is very different to the term Phreaking, and again different to the term Cracking. I would be amazed if you could actually hack into an unsecured router. its unsecured, thats like being arrested for breaking and entering after walking through a sensor doorway that opened as you approached a building!
Ridiculous. Absolutely Ridiculous.
I especially love when you phone BT and its impossible to find a single person who has heard of Phorm.
Personally, I'd find it tempting to get an old PC that I want to trash, and see if I couldnt go on a major virus hunt on the web, in the hope that the process of 'scanning' my packets, Phorm experienced downtime. This of course would be after opting out of them scanning my stuff, as I would expect that if I opted out and then Phorm got lots of viruses as a result, then they would have no recourse to take as they would clearly have a record of me saying 'Do Not Scan My Sh*t'.
Also I cant wait for the first test case, I'm not sure that BT's terms and conditions are reasonable... and Trading Standards have this big thing about clauses in contracts needing to be reasonable. If its not reasonable, then it doesnt apply, whether or not you signed the contract.... Hooray for the few, limited, occaisionally useful consumer protection laws!
El Reg - The Movie
It would be superb. Clearly it would have to be based around a drop the dead donkey style newsroom, with the BOFH controlling the company network. One of the hacks (sorry guys and gals, I enjoy your reporting, no really, I do) can stumble upon a Rise of the Machines plot thats actually real, and then have to thwart good old Captain Cyborg Kevin Warwick, who has been secretly spreading subcuteaceous chips that make doors open when people walk up to them... ... but also leave the chipped people under mechanical control and therefore unable to resist voting for Merkin controlled puppets.....
Also, every time our brave reporter (see, I told you) heads to a location to chase down the villain, his/her sat nav can take her on a wild goose chase, invariably ending with a destroyed car and a stranded hero.
Obviously it will turn out that the Government has slid in some unannounced law which means its completely legal for Captain Cyborg to take control of the country, and I think we'd need someone playing Brown, with a little box of buttons labelled 'Sleep, Eat, Work, Procreate, Vote Labour' that he can control all of the converts with.
Flick back to the newsroom, where the brave reporting of El Reg has inspired hundreds of people to comment on the story, unwittingly revealing details which lead the hero to find captain cyborg, and haplessly getting chipped.
Cue amanfrommars: Amanfrommars Walks Into The Lair, Confronting The Evil Supervillain With Bravery And Courage. What Captain Cyborg Doesnt Know Is That Amanfrommars Is Immune To His Nano Technology, As His Eternal Capitalisations Cannot Be Parsed By The Subcuteaceous Nano-Processors. This Causes Some Pain to the El Reg Reporter Who Has Been Imprisoned Nearby, As The Chip Implanted In Him Recieves The Bluetoothed Dying Packets From Amanfrommars' Failed Implantation.
So, Captain Cyborg and the Rise of the Machines have been thwarted, Brown has been thwarted, we've taken the piss out of bluetooth, we've brought into sharp contrast how the actions of the govt. have a huge disparity with the views of the average man (or woman - thank you The Life of Brian for my never ending belief in sex equality) as represented by the comments on El Reg. In addition to all of that, there's space for a substory about the BOFH and the PFY,
This film would rock. And I'm sure you could have a few black helicopters chasing the hero, and a cameo of Paris posting a comment, and using her own picture, as its, well, her!
Mine's the one with the arms attached to each other at the back....
Civil Disobedience anyone?
I watched Gandi again the other day... as long as we are willing to stand up for our rights en masse, then we are guaranteed keeping them. There will be a few who suffer greatly at the hands of our oppressors, but the grand majority will benefit.
Anyone else up for a national day of prayer and meditation? If the entire UK stops for a day, thats billions of our GDP gone, and the government would certainly notice that, after all, our debt is greater than our GDP! Maybe then they'd realise that WE ARE NOT IN AN AMERICAN JURISDICTION, AND HAVE NO DESIRE TO BE.
I'm extremely disappointed that the French (what with their EU presidency) didnt step up and block this.. but then again, they've all had the alien tech for a while, and it wouldnt do to let the knowledge go public.
I'd go AC, but there's no point. The police already filmed me for exercising my democratic right ("evidence gathering" - evidence of what?) to go out and publically protest the rather illegal and expensive war in iraq that our government happily piled us into. They probably have a big thick file of my El Reg posts, and I bet that they get a picture of me in my nice new Black Helicopters tee shirt FROM a Black Helicopter before i manage to get one of me in said tee shirt with one of them in the background.... ooh, and I dont doubt the letters to my MP about Phorm will be stashed in there too.
Mine's the one with the cutout front to proudly display the aforementioned black helicopters tee shirt.
Street Sweepers eh?
Right, well. I'm particularly unimpressed with the AC who wrote the following quotation above.
"Yeah, I am sure road sweepers don't need the services of IT professionals too often, oh you missed a bit :)"
I am an IT professional for one of the largest waste management companies in the world, and I am perfectly capable of writing a gramatically correct, well spelled sentence, one of the few here who can it seems. I resent the implication that the road sweepers would have any less requirement for a competent manager of systems that someone who, say, ran computers for the "Church of Scientology". I am also quite aware that the gents who collect the rubbish and sweep the streets have a far better sense of humour than the average office worker, and can wax lyrical quite eloquently on a number of subjects.
As mentioned just above, this is the crux of the matter. We've degenerated to the point of petty bickering, when we should be standing shoulder to shoulder carrying pitchforks, flaming torches, and pickaxes, seeking out the Scientologists, and banishing them to some remote island where their idiocy cannot spread further. I wonder if Travolta and Cruise are having a bidding war to see who can become Pope of the Nutters.. oh sorry, Scientologists.
Mine's the hi-vis.
@ JIM THE BOSS
Now that's said...
1. Its spelt humour, not humor (I assume you're dyslexic and meant humor not homur as you wrote). This is explained further in point three.
2. There is a point two between point one and point three. (Again, if you're dyslexic then please, no offence meant)
3. There is no such language as American, you all just speak bad English.
4. Capital letters in cyberspace is shouting, and is rude just like in real life.
5. More people speak Chinese than any other language, including English.
6. This is fiction, not reality. Think of it as being Dawsons Creek for IT people.
7. If you're as loud and rude in real life as you are here, then you'd be getting sued for racism and libel. (the BOFH is clearly not an idiot, and your comment about us speaking American like the rest of the world is racist).
I think I covered everything there that I wanted to.
Tux as I wish this corporate laptop ran linux instead of WinDoze. Still, at least its not Vista!
Annoyed Englishman @Kain Preacher
And please dont be patronising and ignorant and use the non-word 'Brit'. I am not a 'Brit', I am English, we invented the English language that you dimwits over the pond have massacred ever since. Also, if you are going to be patronising and ignorant, please, please, please could you at least learn enough grammar to capitalise a proper noun.
As you're probably very very confused right now, calling someone a Brit without knowing where they're from is a bit like if I was to randomly call an Alaskan or a Hawaiian a Yank. Its not that likely really is it? I disagree with the idea that everyone from England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales can be easily grouped as 'Brits'. Each of these places has different and varied cultures, and even language. If someone from Scotland wants to call himself British, thats up to him, but I am English, not British. No-one outside of Meryka uses the half a word 'Brit' anyhow, as they know its not a full word. Do you call the French 'Frens'? The Germans 'Germs'? The Chinese 'Chins'? I'm guessing no, so why are you so damn imbecilic when it comes to the UK?
Also, for a 'Preacher', you take Christ's name in vain a little bit quickly don't you? Maybe its because deep inside you know that there is no god (no capital letter as god is NOT a proper noun), and this is all there is..... so why bother learning spelling, grammar, how to construct a coherent argument.
Tux cause even penguins arent as stupid as merkins.
Umm, Tom, What planet are you on?
I am a user of SuSe linux and Firefox, and I've never had an issue booking tickets with Ryanair? (I do with their 'Where we fly map' but thats an inconvenience that I'm simply too lazy to sort out - mainframes all day, not inclined to fix Linux by night... the pub might get lonely without me)
What MS software do you need to browse the web? and if you did need Microsoft Internet Explorer, then you dont have to pay for it? You could even run it in Wine, or one of the other Win-Doze emulators...
I tend to fly with ryanair 90% of the time these days, as they're reasonably priced, and even with the taxes (which you will pay no matter what airline you fly with) they are the cheapest choice going.
I do agree with AC above... the unneccesary handling charges when you pay by any type of card going, though I accept that most companies just bundle those into their prices, so at least ryanair are being upfront instead of bundling them up and adding a bit of profit margin......
Paris because... .. ... . well... ..... .. um .. . ... . do i need a reason? Hows about I'd rather she was running the states than John McCain?
@ Graham with his comment on the sugarcube and the Landy...
The Land Rover might well be 3 million times the mass, and a sugarcube might well just bounce off the bonnet...
But you just try putting that same 1g sugarcube into the petrol tank, and you see how much change there is to the Land Rovers speed and direction.....
.... how about you give us some of that internet money....
PARODY aimed @people blasting the 3rd party developers....
We're going to release a new operating system every couple of years, which will handle your memory access and peripherals differently every time. We will release a tiny tiny tiny API and of course nothing in this API will link to anything at all in the core kernel.
Device drivers will all need to be rewritten by you if you want them to work with our new product, otherwise, when they don't, you will go out of business because everyone in the world uses Microsoft products. We will offer next to no help (like procedure calls etc) for your convenience.
In conclusion, stop being so lazy and re-write your perfectly functional code that worked with our previous release, while we work on the next version so you have to do it all again. You owe us at Microsoft your thanks, becuase without us, you'd be out of a job by now.
As sincerely as we get,
@Anonymous Coward celebrating HMRC Ambition...
So what you're saying is that you're the Chairman of a media consultancy in London that has lucrative government contracts.....
Paraphrased......"Its not a waste of money, I'm getting a good chunk of it"
Your entire industry is based on leeching money from other companies, while delivering non-physical assets. Where is the physical value of a slogan, a brand, or a logo? In being recognised and therefore drawing people to a brand. UK Government does not need a recognised brand... it is a monopoly, and there is no alternative government to choose. Thus it is a waste of my money lining your fat cat pockets. No doubt you're quite chummy with some of those new Labour ministers eh?
Paris because even she wouldnt come and call a bunch of us discusting for commenting on wasting public money (it's disgusting btw) and then admit she was getting paid from it.
Mine's the coat thats mostly not there as it got taxed by the government.
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