* Posts by Frumious Bandersnatch

1850 posts • joined 8 Nov 2007

WIN a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive with El Reg

Frumious Bandersnatch
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No, Margery, Yoga is just an effin brand name.

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Frumious Bandersnatch
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Siri, search webmd for "piles".

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Frumious Bandersnatch
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After splashing out on a new Apple laptop, Sarah was determined not to "hold it wrong".

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Frumious Bandersnatch
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Setting up a transparent proxy to send all traffic through www.upsidedowntext.com: always good for a laugh.

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Frumious Bandersnatch
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One of the new Facebook status icons: it's complicated.

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Frumious Bandersnatch
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After deleting the last of the last of her German friends' contacts from her address book, Alice finally reached nirvana: Hans-free computing.

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Frumious Bandersnatch
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Have you tried turning it off and on again?

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Frumious Bandersnatch
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I find your lack of furniture ... disturbing. And yet strangely arousing.

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Frumious Bandersnatch
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Woooo... I'm LEVITATING my LAPTOP.

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Frumious Bandersnatch
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Boffins dubbed this new, rare form of dyslexia "8ƐƖƖXH⊥"

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Frumious Bandersnatch
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To understand computer programming, first you have to understand that they are really dumb. In order to code, have to bring yourself down to their level.

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Frumious Bandersnatch
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You wouldn't believe the lengths that SwastikaGirl69 (real name Claire Godwin) went to to find her other half on Internet dating sites.

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Frumious Bandersnatch
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This gesture unlock business is getting ridiculous.

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Frumious Bandersnatch
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How real fans listen to Coldplay's "A rush of blood to the head"

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Frumious Bandersnatch
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Finally, a way to use the webcam that banishes embarrassing nostril hair from the shot!

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Frumious Bandersnatch
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I hate Internet posers.

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Frumious Bandersnatch
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This new gesture-based emoji input is taking a bit of getting used to.

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Frumious Bandersnatch
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Parents everywhere justified: proof of what happens when you're always too close to the screen.

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Frumious Bandersnatch
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God-damned glare... maybe if I move my legs like this? ...

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Frumious Bandersnatch
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I signed up to snapchat because I heard there are a lot of fit birds on the Internet. This is not what I imagined.

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Frumious Bandersnatch
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Alas, Twoflower couldn't afford a Yoga tablet, but she would have to make do.

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Frumious Bandersnatch
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Those "learn to breakdance" videos on youtube should come with a health warning.

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Frumious Bandersnatch
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Bob had to admit: using the alt-arrow keys to rotate the screens at the local hippie commune was much more fun than doing it in PC World.

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Frumious Bandersnatch
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"actually, I'm not upside-down. My roommate glued my laptop to the ceiling. There was still some glue left, so ... "

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Frumious Bandersnatch
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Kate gets her bun on the floor and settles in to watch a movie.

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Frumious Bandersnatch
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asana 9?

More like asinine if you ask me.

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Frumious Bandersnatch
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ooh what a feeling

when you're surfing on the ceiling.

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Nippy, palaver and cockwomble: Greatest words in English?

Frumious Bandersnatch
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Re: big words not always better

but wasn't it "of the visual"?

I think so. That's why I put a * in front of "aural" (to point out my misquote/mistake). Works with all the senses.

(Actually, just checked and it's "visible", so I should really have said "audible")

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Frumious Bandersnatch
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big words not always better

I've yet to meet a woman who responded favourably to my complimenting them on how pulchritudinous they are. Or toothsome, for that matter.

Since I don't want to keep making single posts as I remember more words: segue (completely baffled me that it was actually pronounced "segway"). Also syzygy and synecdoche (another weird pronunciation). Also "weird" since it "proves" the "i" before "e" (except after "c") rule.

"Dolt" is a bit old-fangled, but good.You can also get away with calling people "obdurate" most of the time since it's a bit gnomic for most, while for others in the know it can become a bit of a shibboleth. Speaking of gnomey-things, digital watches and, later, mobile phones have completely replaced gnomons, except maybe when calculating squares. It's funny how some Hiberno-English phrases like eejit, shite and gobshite (and the Cork phrase "langer") can be used when the English words would be unacceptable. I never got how describing some people as "muppets" got to be so offensive, though.

If someone asks me something like "did I hear the front door?" or similar, I'm always tempted to explain Joyce's "ineluctable modality of the *aural" to them.

Also, of course, numberwang, scorchio! and Chris Waddle.

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Frumious Bandersnatch
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"obstreperous" reminds me

of the time I described my niece and nephew as being very "rambunctious" to their grandparents. To my surprise, they'd never heard of the word and thought I was making it up.

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Frumious Bandersnatch
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neologism

I find that a dash of "Jeeves" adds a lot of depth of flavour to most meat dishes. (hint: basic Cockney rhyming slang construction).

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Frumious Bandersnatch
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the "galactically-talented" mr. Blaine?

You mean that he can produce milk? Who'd want to pay to see that?

(ah, I get it... he's a tit)

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Wheels come off parents' plan to dub sprog 'Mini Cooper'

Frumious Bandersnatch
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Re: hows about

There's a Japanese musician who calls himself "Cornelius" after the character from Planet of the Apes. According to Wikipedia, he called his son Milo, who happens to be the son of Cornelius in the film.

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Frumious Bandersnatch
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if mini cooper is defendu

would they get away with "Mini Me?"

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Blighty flings £4m to help n00b games devs level up

Frumious Bandersnatch
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Funny you should say that, but the killer feature of my new game will be photorealistic palm trees and physically-accurate sand dunes. You say junket, I say vital research.

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BBC bypasses Linux kernel to make streaming videos flow

Frumious Bandersnatch
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Re: FPGAs

Why don't they just use multicast or UDP?

Well the BBC is doing what they're doing because it gives them zero copy and ability to amortise kernel/userland context switches over lots of packets. Cloudflare is tinkering around in a similar way because it allows them to quickly write unprivileged software that will deal with new attack traffic.

UDP-based transmission is all well and good, but the problem these guys are trying to solve is a different one to the one you're thinking of (TCP's reliance on ACKs for flow control, with all that implies).

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Frumious Bandersnatch
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Re: Alternative title

BBC contributing to open source

If that surprised you, then Dirac will probably completely shock you.

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Google's .bro file format changed to .br after gender bother

Frumious Bandersnatch
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3-column mind

Well done, Microsoft. You've successfully brainwashed almost everyone to think in the 8.3 mindset. You even still collect patent royalties on it!

For everyone else, what's wrong with .brotli?

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FBI boss: No encryption backdoor law (but give us backdoors anyway)

Frumious Bandersnatch
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The problem that governments have in this arena is that any time they open their mouths to mention "encryption", their audience will include a lot of very savvy technical people who understand how these things work. There are mathematicians, cryptographers and regular software/hardware engineering guys who will hear (paraphrasing) "we are committed to strong encryption, but we want backdoors/escrow systems anyway" and know that logically and mathematically speaking the two are fundamentally incompatible. The usual rules of political bullshit (say one thing when you mean the opposite) simply won't work on "us" (I'm including most reg readers in that group). After that, it doesn't matter how much bluster and misdirection ("but the terrorists!") the politicians and civil servants add on to try to make their lies more appealing to the common Joe since "we" will know that their arguments are a pack of lies right from the start.

Basically politicians are acting way outside their zones of expertise (such as they are) on this one. I guess that Obama (or one of his advisers) was shrewd enough not to call for mandatory backdoors, but this FBI guy is obviously too stupid to realise that he's just getting enough rope to hang himself (along with any US company that wants to do business in the EU or elsewhere).

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Top VW exec blames car pollution cheatware scandal on 'a couple of software engineers'

Frumious Bandersnatch
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modern configuration management systems are wonderful

They let you trace back exactly who checked in a given code set/patch.

Management often wants to have scripts running on top of this to link changes to requirements docs or other change requests. I imagine that there's a very embarrassing virtual paper trail stored somewhere. Unless something bad "accidentally" happened to the servers and all the backups ...

/git blame

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Post-pub nosh neckfiller: Itty-bitty pyttipanna

Frumious Bandersnatch
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Re: Abba and food?

"Chicken tikka, tell me what's wrong?"

I kind of ruined Kula Shaker's Govinda for myself by imaging them singing "Nasi Goreng, eating Nasi Goreng". Dunno how I got that from <clickety> "Nrsimhadeva, Jaya Nrsimhadeva". Still...

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Frumious Bandersnatch
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where are the swedes? or turnips?

This (and an earlier post by AC mentioning that "Danish Pastries" are named Viennese) gave me the idea for a kind of Partridgesque cooking program where the presenter goes to Sweden to get authentic swedes, finds they're called something else there, packs it in there but then goes off in search of some other food named after a place (with the same result). So basically an excuse to travel around the world and not do any cooking. Any TV execs out there reading this? I'm available!

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Playmobil cops broadside for 'racist' pirate slave

Frumious Bandersnatch
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why on earth would she buy a pirate toy for her 5-yo kid?

Her kids are probably gonna grow up to be the menace the RIAA and the MPAA warned us about.

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Hey, Facebook – these are the new Like buttons you should have used

Frumious Bandersnatch
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HP boss hopes MS Surface Book will jack up notebook prices

Frumious Bandersnatch
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Headmaster

I was given free reign

I think you'll find that it's "free rein". It's a horsey thing.

(oh God, how many times have I had to explain that to someone?)

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Trio take Nobel Prize in Chemistry for ‘pioneering’ DNA repair study

Frumious Bandersnatch
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Re: Hopefully

DNA repair could assist me with re-igniting the other half of my wit

Sorry to say, but DNA is dead and he's not coming back. So no new hitchhiker or dirk gently books to inspire us, unfortunately.

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Apollo 15 commander's lunar timepiece goes under the hammer

Frumious Bandersnatch
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"carried as a backup"

Gha. What an idiot. Any fule kno that if you're going to wear more than one watch then you should at least have three of them on you.

Otherwise, if one is wrong, how are you supposed to know which one is right?

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