@Loki 1

Double pus?

I'd see a doctor if I was you...

@jeremy

Now you've done it.

Some spotty oik will pick that up, reference it in a Wiki and then it'll become fact.

Hang your head in shame, you history changer!

@Sarah Bee

Well executed indeed.

Could I offer you a non-paid position moderating a bikers forum? We could do with someone of your calibre :D

@Edward Miles

Isn't that the Scottish Song?

(I'm Blue, in Aberdeen I will die, Aberdeen I will die...)

Right, if that's the way you're going to play it...

Whatsa matter you, hey, gotta no respect.

Whata you t'ink you do, why you looka so sad.

It'sa not so bad, it'sa nicea place.

Ah, shaddap you face.

All together now...

I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves...

I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves...

Coat, gone.

@Sarah Bee

I see no cursive script...

(I found this somewhere else)

http://i43.tinypic.com/35alq8p.jpg

@spam

a carrot on so many levels?

Nottingham CCTV

Best photo I've ever seen of Slab Square.

Someone ought to do

Wikikitia...

@Robert Moore

"There was a case recently where this procedure was not followed, a woman died, and a police dispatcher was terminated."

That's a bit harsh. Surely they could have sacked them instead...

@mario

I'd gladly upgrade all the systems here - if it wasn't for one major point.

$IMPORTANT_BIT_OF_BUSINESS_SOFTWARE does not run on anything other than Windows.

If the developer was prepared to spend the £££ required to re-write this product so it would run on $INSERT_OS_OF_YOUR_CHOICE then I'd do so.

But they can't/won't. So I'm stuck with it.

And before anyone else starts, there is no comparable product that isn't also Windows only. Trust me, I've looked.

@All car analogies

Yes, using a computer should be like driving a car - In the fact that you're not allowed on the road/highway without a license or an instructor. Pass your test first.

Yes, fixing a computer should be like fixing a car - If you don't know what you're doing, call a bloody mechanic. The salesman is not much help in these instances.

@Les Matthew

Stuff that. 14's a bit of an inconvenience ;)

@Mike JVX

See, I said I could be wrong.

@AC re:End of Part One...

"The real question we should be asking is if Mary Whitehouse has a broadband connection"

I don't think they supply cable to the plots in cemeteries...

Tombstone, for obvious reasons

@vincent himpe

Trojans, logic bombs, worms and other hostile attacks have been around for years, long before PCs and Macs.

@Graham Marsden

*applause*

@Chris

I might be skint, El Reg are obviously loaded...

@Ciqala Burt

"alternatively the reg can put me on a retainer to prevent such unpleasantness altogether, A pint a week at any of the following pubs would be more than acceptable as payment"

A pint a WEEK? Are you insane?

I'd be pushing for "get me absolutely trollied at least once a week or mildy merry at least three times"

Where have our standards gone to?

Pah...

I had a dog that ate kinder toys. At one point it also ate a large batch of clothes dye.

Vet said that things would "work themselves out"...

And they did.

Although there's much hilarity to be had watching stunned people as your dog craps out little cars/golfers/Disney characters or pisses a blue line down a wall...

I'd bet...

That he can't even spell colour properly. Or say aluminium...

@tuna

MS and DC? Michael Schumacher and David Coulthard? Now if it was road safety I'd understand...

@William Towle

Antlers?

I thought that "Tramp Stamp" was the more commonly used phrase...

@Sarah Bee

"where's the beef?"

In this baguette, with lettuce and horseradish of course :D

@notwithstanding

#We are the priests of the temples of Syrinx?

Oh, sorry, that's 2112... ;)

Don't get me started...

<MontyPython>

Is this the right room for an argument?

</MontyPython>

I'd rather know that you can do the job I employ you for than have a certificate that says you've ticked the right boxes on a course.

If I need flexible solutions, you need to be flexible too...

And as for kids with MCSEs that daddy paid for on a boot camp that have the experience of running a network of 3 PCs at home that want a starting salary of £30k+ because the advert for Noddy Training on the telly says that the average is £36k - £37k so they're prepared to come in below average.

@Arnold Lieberman

The episode of Top Gear where the then Minister of Transport, Stephen Ladyman, was the "Star in a reasonably priced car" is a classic as Clarkson had obtained the true figures for accidents in speed camera areas and subjected SL to a fair bit of humiliation. Basically, the speed cameras had done sod all for the numbers, but a great deal for Government finances

I'm sure it's available from your nearest P2P/Torrent source ;)

The road sign, as it's an obvious choice...

@ac

"Well, it should certainly brown your toast in record time - given that you'll be connecting a 110 V appliance to the UK's 240 V mains!".

Transformers.

(robots in disguise).

@Jim

It didn't get a mention on my usual F1 haunt, so shoot me ;)

@ac

Eh?

You'd rather have a browser that had vulnerabilities that only got patched once in a blue moon?

@magilla

"Firstly, ever heard of a cover band? If not, they are bands who play other peoples songs, often get paid for it, but don't pay royalties. In effect, there are your cheap MFIkea knock-offs."

Not so. In the UK, the venue must have a PRS license. The fee paid by the venue to the PRS pays the royalties. The venue gets paid by the cover band through their cut on door take/ticket money whatever.

If the cover band wishes to record their covers professionally, then they must also pay the MCPS before any pressings can be made.

I am a gigging musician in a cover band.

And here's a good one for you... If you as a non-recording artist suddenly decided that you want to record your work, you'll have to register with MCPS to make sure that you get paid if someone else covers your work - and you'll have to pay them when you get your CDs made, because you're recording the work of an artist on their books - even though it's your OWN work.

BOFH and PFY?

Hyson Green + BOFH and PFY?

No chance. The pubs are crap. Although there is one half decent curry house. They'd have no business there - unless they were on the lookout for some Columbian marching powder or a lady of negotiable affection.

As a long lost friend of mine used to say on Usenet...

If you can't take fucking responsibility for fucking supervising your children on the fucking internet, I suggest you stop fucking

@Alex

SPITO?

Could I invite you to join COCOA?

(The Campaign to Outlaw Contrived and Outrageous Acroynms)

@Steve Evans

If you could also resist comments along the lines of "copper wire was invented by two Scotsmen fighting over a penny..."

The truth shall make ye fret

Pterrible news.

*wanders off to afp and abp*