* Posts by Spleen

782 posts • joined 5 Nov 2007

Page:

Apple knob refusenik Sir Jony Ive handed award - for talking BOLLOCKS

Spleen

Re: @Khaptain Talking of plain English

"Traditionally the fork, as far my parents led me to believe anyway, is held in the left hand, I prefer the right as I feel it is the most articulate/agile/precise hand. "

The most precise hand needs to be used for the knife, because cutting with a knife requires more precision than stabbing with a fork. If you never found it difficult to cut food with your left hand then you are probably ambidextrous - well done.

1
0

Man asks internet for $1k for pebbles. INTERNET SAYS YES

Spleen

Re: Charity as a stupid lottery?

Better alternative: If you're rich, join an angel investment network. If you're not rich, stop wasting your time.

2
0

Hawking: RISE of the MACHINES could DESTROY HUMANITY

Spleen

Re: Two words

E-xcellent.

2
0

Wikipedia won't stop BEGGING for cash - despite sitting on $60m

Spleen

80% of those were probably written by the Tumblr authors themselves. [citation needed]

1
1

Star Wars: Episode VII trailer lands. You call that a lightsaber? THIS is a lightsaber

Spleen

The crossguard things

People have asked whether the crossguards wouldn't just be severed by the light blades. Isn't there a metal in the Star Wars universe that can block lightsabres? In the "Knights of the Old Republic" games, some non-Jedi characters carry swords which I'm sure were able (or seemed to be able) to block lightsabres. Your own character has to use them before they find out they're a Jedi. They were called "vibroblades" or something like that. Perhaps the crossguards are made from the same material.

0
0

Be real, Apple: In-app goodie grab games AREN'T FREE – EU

Spleen

Re: TANSTAAFL

No, TANSTAAFL - "Ain't No Such Thing" is correct. "Isn't No Such Thing" is ridiculous. If you are going to be grammatically correct you have to do it all the way, and it should be TIASTAAFL.

0
1

FORGET the CLIMATE: FATTIES are a MUCH BIGGER problem - study

Spleen

Re: Muscle, not fat

"Technically true, but the #1 premature killer in West is heart disease."

That's primarily because fewer people are dying from infant mortality, war, malnutrition and contaminated water, so they grow old enough to die of heart disease.

People who quote this stat in this particular way seem to be unaware of the fact that /something/ will always be the "#1 premature killer". If we eliminated heart disease it would be cancer (I'm guessing). That wouldn't be evidence of a cancer epidemic.

1
1

Blackpool hotel 'fines' couple £100 for crap TripAdvisor review

Spleen

Re: As Morrissey once said...

Ah, what a lyrical genius that Morrissey is. To rip off Betjeman. Badly.

5
0

'Cleantech' a dirty word for VCs? RUBBISH!

Spleen

Re: How to set the tax?

Or you could set it in the same way as the petrol tax, the alcohol tax, and in fact every other "externality" tax are set (more accurately known as sin taxes).

Set it as high as you can get away with. Then award yourself a 20% pay rise and pension increase, before buying another investment property and putting the mortgage on exes.

Trebles all round!

5
1

Far Cry 4 REVIEW: It's a far cry from Far Cry 3

Spleen

Re: Not quite sure...

Far Cry 2 and Far Cry 3 are both great games. Far Cry 3 is a much more accessible game, in many ways more fun than FC2. But having finished it I doubt I'll ever play it again. Tried once, put it straight back down. Replaying it just isn't that appealing.

Far Cry 2 I have replayed all the way through several times. I think the difficulty balance makes it much more replayable. FC3 goes so far out of its way to be accessible that it is great fun the first time around, but after you've got used to it, it becomes too easy. You are pretty much invulnerable if you choose to fill your backpack with health syringes, for example (I didn't). The enemy-spotting system is great fun on your first playthrough, scanning camps then trying to stab-combo your way through the whole thing without being noticed. But the second time you're going through that camp, scanning it and murdering your way through it is just too easy, too mechanical, too predictable.

FC2 is much more of a fair contest between the game and the player on the higher difficulty levels. You have a very limited number of syringes. Combat is difficult but if someone kills you it is usually from carelessness and running into an exposed area. I like to play it on a self-imposed semi-hardcore mode without quicksaves, so that if I die I have to start from the last safehouse. Travel can be bloody annoying and tedious with the constantly respawning enemies, but I actually prefer that to FC3 where the island is nearly devoid of threat until you approach a mission area (and totally devoid when you take over the camps).

0
0

Eye laser surgery campaigner burned by Facebook takedown

Spleen

Re: Sooooo........

I don't think the OP is saying that Facebook is acting out of political motivations, simply that the Heil Hitler brigade get lots of clicks and therefore make money for Facebook, whereas Optical Express Ruined My Life doesn't get many clicks so they are disposable.

If it was the Optical Express campaign getting all the clicks and the brownshirts getting hardly any - and if the brownshirts were making embarrassing claims against Facebook advertisers - I've no doubt the jackboot would be on the other foot.

3
0
Spleen

Re: Eye laser surgery is not for everyone.

I had laser eye surgery. It was a disaster. I can't fire even a single laser beam from my eyes. Total crock.

8
0

Weekend reads: Russell Brand's Revolution and Joy Division's Ian Curtis gets lyrical

Spleen

If Ian Curtis was such a great poet he'd've known that "move" doesn't rhyme with "love".

1
1

Back to the ... drawing board: 'Hoverboard' will disappoint Marty McFly wannabes

Spleen

Oh look, another Kickstarter "project". I can't wait to ride my hoverboard while playing Mythic: Of Gods And Men and eating Kobe beef jerky.

0
0

The iPAD launch BEFORE it happened: SPECULATIVE GUFF ahead of actual event

Spleen

Re: Can't wait!!!

You're doing it wrong.

2
0

Martha Lane Fox: YEUCH! The Internet is MADE by MEN?!?

Spleen

Re: Why else would we speak of...

Not to mention fat pipes, bandwidth, etc etc.

0
0

Facebook, Apple: LADIES! Why not FREEZE your EGGS? It's on the company!

Spleen

I assume freezing your eggs has an ongoing cost. (The first website I glanced at says $500 a year.) So imagine you're 35-40, you want to leave Facebook, you don't have enough saved up to meet the cost yourself until you find a new job - or when you get a new job, you won't have the disposable income to pay the egg company --- it's basically "work for Facebook and do whatever we say or we'll kill your babies".

Now obviously I am being hyperbolic. Quite frankly it shouldn't be that hard to make sure you can meet $500 a year out of your own pocket, a lot of people could find that simply by not going to Starbucks every day. But these days people spend everything that comes in and if they need something they put it on the credit card. Which means they are not able to meet the cost of a lost company perk, and I can see company-funded egg freezing creating a real personal crisis if that person leaves or is sacked.

2
0

Philip Morris seeks pay-per-puff patent to help you STOP smoking

Spleen

Re: Asthma Inhaler

My inhaler has a dial which tells you roughly how many are left. It clicks down each time you twist the bottom to release a dose. Much cheaper...

0
0

WHY did Sunday Mirror stoop to slurping selfies for smut sting?

Spleen

Nice try. The most-read paper in France is Le Parisien. While I don't speak French, a glance at its website suggests that while it's not quite The Sun, it isn't The Guardian either. The top three most popular articles are all about last night's football match. And according to Wikipedia its writing policy is that "items must be short but well written with simple words so that the reader understands everything and never tires. The illustrations, especially the photographs accompanying the text, will take on average one third of each page editorial." What was that about intelligence?

And if I can make an assumption about your country of origin, "Hans", the less said about Bild the better.

0
0
Spleen

Re: just wondering if this true

I never really understood the bit about the Mirror. Perhaps it was different when Yes Prime Minister was written, but for as long as I've been buying newspapers, the Mirror is for people who are too left-wing to read the Sun and too thick to read the Guardian. They don't actually ever think about politics, they just know they are left-wing in the same way that Liverpool and Everton fans know they are Liverpool and Everton fans.

The rest is still largely true. (Except the Morning Star joke doesn't quite work anymore - the implication is that Morning Star readers wanted the UK to be part of the USSR.)

2
0

That PERSONAL DATA you give away for free to Facebook 'n' pals? It's worth at least £140

Spleen

Fair enough. If all the info I've provided Facebook with is actually worth £140, then since I signed up to Facebook I've paid £20 per year, or £1.67 a month. For that I get a convenient place to communicate with my friends and people in my sports club, organise social events and show off my amateur efforts at photography. Seems very reasonable to me.

0
3

Gaming gasm UK: Rubbing shoulders with LEGENDS and newbies

Spleen

Re: Really!!!

Yeah, and how come with all the modern filmmaking and CGI techniques Hollywood keeps churning out re-hashes of the same old "boy meets girl" or "boy overcomes battle against evil force / himself"?

2
0

Mine Bitcoins with PENCIL and PAPER

Spleen

The problem with this strategy is that if you have a large enough stash of Bitcoins that selling it will affect the market price, the same works in reverse. You will have extreme difficulty buying them all back without causing the price to rocket. Quite possibly it will go above what you sold them for before you've managed to retrieve your hoard.

Successfully making the market believe that there may be a risk that SHA-256 is broken may cause it to fall lower than if you had just dumped the Bitcoins without saying anything. But again, there is the opposite effect - when you try to buy them back it will signal that there isn't a problem after all and everyone should pile back in.

Not saying it couldn't work. But so could betting on the 10-1 at Chepstow. Like all currency speculation it's just gambling.

4
1

Ordnance Survey intern plonks houses, trees, rivers and roads on GB Minecraft map

Spleen

A book on fighting in Minecraft??

Chapter 1: Swordfighting. Jump and bash, repeat.

Chapter 2: Bows. Hold down fire, release, repeat.

Chapter 3: Creepers. Dig a hole, lead them in, leave them there to starve. Bastards.

I know strategy books are always a rip off for those with more money than ability to Google, but really, surely everyone knows that Minecraft's complexity is in what you do with it, not the game itself. You can probably learn everything you need to know in about the basic game (down to how to get to The End) in five minutes on the wiki.

0
0

The British Museum plonks digital bricks on world of Minecraft

Spleen

If it wasn't built in Survival Mode it doesn't count

"...and here we see the jewelled crystalline chamber pot of King Llam-e-dos. This sacred artifact is five thousand years old, and truly priceless. Any questions? Yes, you, the small green boy with the curious skin problem."

"...sssssssSSSSSSSSSSSSSS" *BANG* *crash*

1
0

Microsoft buys Minecraft for $2.5bn. Notch: I'm getting the block outta here

Spleen

It's not just the Lego aspect. There are two sides of the game which don't get enough credit: the aesthetics and the game mechanics.

By aesthetics I mean the combination of the graphics and the random terrain generator. They create some beautiful landscapes which are a pleasure to build on. In my first go at Minecraft I built a "house" out of an above-ground cave I converted, filled in and added doors to. Dug out the ugly dirt bits, replaced them with stone bricks and lit the place with recessed torches. Hollowed out the top of the mountain, added some large windows and watched the sun set over the trees. Pure joy. It's not just about what you build but how it fits into the world. (Which is why those giant pixel-art creations are very impressive but IMO miss the point a bit.)

Secondly, the game mechanics, the balance between effort and reward. The start of the game where you punch trees until they break is the butt of many jokes. But once you've got wood you can mine stone, once you've got stone you can mine coal and make torches, once you've got torches (and some weapons to defend yourself from the monsters) you can go underground and find some iron, and on and on it goes. It's a classic progression, like the Civilisation tech tree or the RPG get-bigger-sword-to-bash-bigger-monster routine.

The creative aspect gives you the incentive to progress through it. If I want my house to have iron railings I need to go underground and get some iron. If I want to set up something electrical I need to go further down and get some redstone. If I'm bored of torches for lighting, I need to create a portal and go to the Nether to find some glowstone. And so on.

Although most of the praise for Minecraft goes to the Lego-building aspect, there have been games that allowed you to build stuff out of blocks before (e.g. Infiniminer). Minecraft is a work of genius because of the way it marries that with beautiful aesthetics and balanced, rewarding gameplay.

1
1

Phones 4u slips into administration after EE cuts ties with Brit mobe retailer

Spleen

Re: Phones4U

Ewww.

What happened to part 2 of that article?

0
0
Spleen

Good riddance. Did anyone see the Channel 4 'comedy' PhoneShop? One of the least funny comedies I've ever seen, but in fairness its portrayal of their obnoxious sales tactics was too close to the bone for its own good.

1
1

Apple Fanbois (and girls) already lining up for NEW iPHONE

Spleen

Re: You may try to read the actual article..

That's even sadder, frankly. What sort of person would buy a product because they thought "wow, if someone at the front of an Apple queue is behind it, it must be good"? Well, I can answer my own question: the Rays are promoting something called "VideoMedicine" which lets you talk to doctors via Skype. So it's an app to make it easier for hypochondriacs to moan about their imaginary aches and pains. If you think about it, the Venn intersection between people who spend all their time talking about their iPhone, and the similarly desperate-for-attention people who spend all their time talking about how they might have bird flu, is probably pretty large.

0
0
Spleen

Re: I suppose that we should hope that Mr and Mrs Ray..........

If they have triplets they could name them Alpha, Beta and Gamma.

0
0
Spleen

As others have said, the whole camping out for weeks on end, followed by the hilarious spectacle of the employees applauding you in as if going to the Apple Store is something worthy of adulation like running a marathon or winning a cup final (congratulations! you're a mug!), is part of the Apple cult image. When something's parodied in an advert for Carlsberg industrial cider you know it's part of the popular consciousness.

1
0

Govt waves stick at pirate-friendly Google search

Spleen

Theft is also commonly understood to mean "taking something that doesn't belong to you". A word can have more than one definition.

4
10

BBC: We're going to slip CODING into kids' TV

Spleen

Re: *All* TV programs?

I was quite tickled by the fact that the obligatory remodelling of the Tardis for the new series included an actual computer display for the first time that I can remember. (Albeit I only started watching Doctor Who since the reboot.) Before they were nothing but dials and gauges and flashing lights, like something out of H G Wells. There's something charmingly Victorian sci-fi about a machine that can travel through all time and space but has an instrument panel from a 1950s submarine.

Anyway, perhaps it's not unrelated...

0
0

'I think photographers get TOO MUCH copyright for their work'

Spleen

Re: Plenty of people disagree with copyright

The idea that people deserve to receive payment for the sweat of their labour, and that people don't deserve to receive payment for someone else's sweat without permission, is most certainly not recent. The simplest organism trying to rid itself of a parasitic amoeba is trying to achieve the same thing as an artist who asserts copyright over his work. Nothing fundamental indeed.

3
1

Ofcom will not probe lesbian lizard snog in new Dr Who series

Spleen

Re: And yet nothing said about this exchange

Thanks for quoting that, I must have been making the tea at the time. Great line. Who cares if the lesbians are shoehorned in, that and the "modelling" gag were funny. And you wouldn't be able to get away with either joke if Vastra was a man.

1
0
Spleen

Re: Actually...

"the characters could have gulped a breath every 30 seconds and gotten away scot free"

Have you ever tried taking a breath only every 30 seconds while you're in fear for your life, full of adrenaline and trying to escape from an underground lair?

0
0
Spleen

Re: Lesbianism vs. beastiality

Cheers Valeyard, I stand corrected.

1
0
Spleen

Re: Lesbianism vs. beastiality

I really shouldn't get involved in this. But (correct me if I'm wrong, Whovians) she is not a reptile, she's an alien who in some ways resembles an Earth reptile. There is no reason to believe her species' internal plumbing in any way resembles that of an Earth reptile. They evolved completely independently.

(By the same token the debate over whether lizardwoman can supply breath to her wife via kissing - "no, crocodiles' lungs don't work that way", "yeah, but monitor lizards have air sacs" - is silly. Her species isn't descended from crocodiles or monitor lizards or any other Earth lizard, she's descended from a completely different alien species and she can have whatever biological features the writers feel like.)

2
3
Spleen

If someone into anthropomorphic animals is a "furry", a lizardwoman with a fetish for non-scaled humanoids would be a smoothie, surely.

3
0

'Stop dissing Google or quit': OK, I quit, says Code Club co-founder

Spleen

Re: ...workers could hire and fire their doctors.

You think the hoi polloi are healthy now??

0
1

Reg man looks through a Glass, darkly: Google's toy ploy or killer tech specs?

Spleen

Re: Well, no I'm not in favour of thumping people as a general rule but.......

"Seriously?"

Yes, seriously. You always treat a gun as if it's loaded. You always treat a microphone, a tape recorder or a video camera as if it's recording. Even if you've been told it's off. Those who forget this rule end up on YouTube and in the dole queue. Or in the Darwin Awards, in the case of the gun.

8
3
Spleen

Re: Well, no I'm not in favour of thumping people as a general rule but.......

I think the rule is that it's unfair to hit someone who *needs* to wear glasses. I think hitting someone who wears glasses for no reason other than fashion has always been obligatory.

(This still applies to Google Glass, since as the reviewer points out, their practical use is near nil. People only wear them as an attention-seeking device.)

@AC: You know perfectly well that there is a difference between someone taking a picture on their smartphone in which you are an irrelevant part of the background, and someone walking up to you, holding a camera in your face and deliberately recording everything you say and do. This is what someone who does not remove their Google Glasses is doing.

10
8

IT blokes: would you say that LEWD comment to a man? Then don't say it to a woman

Spleen

Re: How about

Why, because women are precious porcelain dolls and it's not gentlemanly to make running jokes about the thick ones?

Should we stop making "series of tubes" jokes about stupid men because it's misandrist?

1
1

Echopraxia scores 'diamond cutter' on the sci-fi hardness scale

Spleen

Re: I don't think the coriolis effect is that hard science

It's not so much the concept that is difficult to understand but the wilfully obscure way the text refers to it as if its a person. If you weren't aware that there is such a thing as the "Coriolis effect" you might wonder who is Coriolis and why he is turning things into curveballs.

Although only a small part of the text is quoted so perhaps it doesn't come across that way in the full book.

1
0

UK fuzz want PINCODES on ALL mobile phones

Spleen

Re: I got mugged as a teenager by 3 miscreants

If you get mugged, tell them the PIN. The correct one.

It may sound extremely clever to give them a false number, or to write a smudged four-digit number on the back of the card, or to enter your number backwards to alert the police (which doesn't work, it's a persistent urban myth). But when you have to explain to St Peter that you got stabbed to death by an angry crackhead because you wouldn't cough up his dope money, no-one at the Pearly Gates will think you're clever, they'll point and laugh at the idiot who got himself killed over a £250 maximum withdrawal that he could have claimed back from his insurer anyway.

0
0

Simian selfie stupidity: Macaque snap sparks Wikipedia copyright row

Spleen

Re: not likely at all...

The alternative formulation about "an infinite number of monkeys will eventually..." is also nonsense. An infinite number of monkeys will produce an infinite number of copies of the complete works of Shakespeare on their first go. (As well as an infinite number of copies of every other book ever written, infinite copies of every book it is possible to write, and an infinite amount of gibberish.)

0
0

Premier League wants to PURGE ALL FOOTIE GIFs from social media

Spleen

Re: GIF's?

"IANALBIPOOTI"

I Am Not A Lawyer But I Play One On TV... Incidentally? Illegally? Incompetently?

2
0

You'll find Yoda at the back of every IT conference

Spleen

Re: Ten Summoner’s Tales

No, Alastair is correct. If it's ten tales by one summoner then it should be "A Summoner's Ten Tales" or "Ten Tales of a Summoner".

0
5

British Lords: Euro 'right to be forgotten' ruling 'unreasonable and unworkable'

Spleen

Re: have I got this right?

@Alpha Tony: I am open to correction, but I believe that if you went around constantly saying "That big_D guy was arrested for murder", big_D would have a pretty good claim for defamation, as he could argue - and the courts would probably agree - that by repeating and emphasising that fact you were making a clear insinuation that he was guilty.

Claiming that you were "just reporting the truth" would be sophistry, it's like going around telling everyone that "So-and-so has never denied beating his wife" when So-and-so has never been asked. If you are clearly trying to damage someone's reputation than the courts are going to see through it.

7
1

Climate: 'An excuse for tax hikes', scientists 'don't know what they're talking about'

Spleen

Re: Maybe we could get a consensus

We may not be able to prove there's more extreme weather, but you can't deny that there's more *news stories* about extreme weather. That's basically the same thing. If you have a degree in climate science from the University of Wisbech.

2
3

Page:

Forums