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* Posts by Spleen

715 posts • joined 5 Nov 2007

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Japanese schoolkids arrested in £2.4 MEEELLION phone fraud bust

Spleen

It's not remotely true anyway. Some Japanese people look like Keanu Reeves, the rest look like Tom Cruise.

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Broadband Secretary of SHEEP sensationally quits Cabinet

Spleen

Re: How about trial by combat?

@Crisp

You're right, trial by combat isn't a good idea. 50% failure rate.

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Video games make you NASTY AND VIOLENT

Spleen

To be complete, the study surely has to take into account the euphoric effect that comes from plugging away at a really hard and frustrating game for hours, but then beating it.

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Lego is the TOOL OF SATAN, thunders Polish priest

Spleen

Re: Pole polisher?

"My youngest (butter wouldn't melt etc.) used to build rooms in Sims, have a wall full of fireplaces, fill the rest of the room with sofas then put a few Sims in and remove the door"

The second most fun you can have in a simulation game, next to building a "powered-launch" coaster in RollerCoaster Tycoon that flung everyone off a hill to an explosive death. I seem to remember that if you made your deathtrap too obvious (e.g. just a launch and a short ramp) the guests would refuse to go on it. But if you made it look like a proper coaster and that final hill was just a bit too short... then you are become Death.

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WTF: Twitter bug temporarily kills THAT Oscar selfie

Spleen

Re: Oscar Selfie

I'm ashamed that I know this, but it was. It's being taken by the guy kneeling at the front with the silly beard.

*edit*

You could however argue that it isn't a selfie on the grounds that a selfie is taken spontaneously, for reasons of vanity or to show something off (e.g. new clothes or meeting a celebrity). The Oscar shot wouldn't count as a selfie because it was staged for advertising purposes.

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Hey, Glasshole: That cool app? It has turned you into a SPY DRONE

Spleen

The lesson here is that it doesn't matter whether the "recording" light is on or not. Everyone knows that you always treat any tape recorder, microphone or camera as if it is recording, even if you've been told it's off; same goes for Google Glasses. See the final episode of Yes, Prime Minister "The Tangled Web" inter alia.

If someone is wearing Google Glasses, assume they are recording. If you're not comfortable with that, either ask them to take them off or move elsewhere.

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QUIDOCALYPSE: Blighty braces for £100 MILLION cost of new £1 coin

Spleen

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Broken_windows_fallacy

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French novel falls foul of Apple's breast inspectors

Spleen

Re: What about Apple's rights?

If Apple was owned by a family of fundamentalist Christians and had on their website a mission statement saying something like "We are faithful to our Christian beliefs and do not sell material that violates the word of the Lord", I don't think anyone would complain. You could disagree with the company's beliefs but their decision re this book would make sense within that context.

But Apple is owned by millions of shareholders and, theoretically, should be run on totally non-religious, rational and profit-seeking lines. And on those grounds the refusal to stock a book because it has a pair of mammaries on the cover is ridiculous. It shows a confused and irrational decision-making process where morality is concerned. It's both bad business and bad ethics. So it's fair game to question it.

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They ACCUSED him of inventing Bitcoin. Now, Nakamoto hires lawyer to CLEAR his name

Spleen

Re: Moderation

"My personal benchmark is if I wouldn't say something to the face to a fit young lad that can beat me to a pulp, I will not say it at all to anyone else--and I'm a boxer."

Logically, this means that as the vast majority of fit young lads would not be able to beat you to a pulp, what with you being a trained martial artist, you can be as rude as you like to absolutely anyone. Unless you're a crap boxer.

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Wackadoo DIYers scissor-kick beatboxer

Spleen

In terms of old words, "scissor-kick" surely trumps them all. A quick Google Books search shows it as in common usage from the 1910s onwards, in relation to swimming techniques.

The football technique (either to volley the ball while falling sideways, or as a synonym for bicycle kick) first appears in a glossary from 1967.

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Spleen

Re: Won't someone think of the children!

They strap you to a chair and then make you watch competitive ice dancing for hours on end.

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'Hacked docs' prove MtGox has 1 MILLION Bitcoins, claim blog-snatchers

Spleen

From the opening of the Newsweek article:

"I would like to ask him about Bitcoin. This man is Satoshi Nakamoto."

"What?" The police officer balks. "This is the guy who created Bitcoin?"

This is the biggest load of obvious bollocks I've seen since The Times' "Qatar Dream League". How many low-ranking American police officers would know who Satoshi Nakamoto is? A few might have heard of Bitcoin, but hardly any will be interested enough in the subject to have read up on its history, and instantly recall that Satoshi Nakamoto is its creator. The whole story is written like an airport thriller and is just as made-up.

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Apple to grieving sons: NO, you cannot have access to your dead mum's iPad

Spleen

Re: Worse to come...

Not as far as the local charity shops are concerned.

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Spleen

Re: No it still isn't enough

"Getting a court to declare that the sons are the executors is perfectly normal. It's called 'getting probate', and it's what happens with EVERY estate."

I could be wrong, but I assumed - having read about this story in various other newspapers - that they already had probate. I assume they must have done by this point or they would have encountered this problem with their mum's bank, any insurers or pension companies, every other organisation their mum dealt with, not just Apple. Apple are apparently demanding a *separate* court order, specially for them.

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PayPal mudslingfest TELEVISED: Icahn and Donahoe go on telly

Spleen

Re: Observation

Donahoe've a cow, man.

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Brit Bitcoin dev: I lost 'over £200k' when MtGox popped its socks

Spleen

Re: Suck It Berkshire Hathaway

Sounds completely uninsurable to me. Or at least unpricable.

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Hundreds of folks ready to sue Bitcoin exchange MtGox

Spleen

Re: Lawsuit settled

Beat me to it.

"Hello, you lost our strings of random numbers. We'd like to sue."

"Alright, you can have your strings of random numbers. Here's some we just got some interns to type out."

"Those aren't PROPER random numbers. We want Bitcoin random numbers that we can use as currency."

"But you keep telling us that if two people are willing to treat strings of random numbers as currency, it's a currency. Even though the currency is not backed by a central bank and not accepted by any government for payment of taxes. So: To us these strings of random numbers are acceptable as currency, and if they aren't to you, well that's basically your problem."

"Er..."

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Spleen

Total nonsense. If you nick £100,000 worth of precious family heirlooms from me, have I not actually lost anything just because I inherited them for free?

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Google warns Glass wearers: Quit being 'CREEPY GLASSHOLES'

Spleen

Re: Here in Japan, shutter sounds are mandatory

'Worryingly' my arse. I have my shutter sound switched off as well, and if it was legally mandated I would also get an app that disabled it. Not because I take upskirt pics, but because it sounds stupid. It doesn't have a shutter. It's like playing the sound of a rotary dial being turned every time you press a number key.

And as I take a lot of photos for my running club in 'burst' mode it would be downright annoying to everyone around me if every shot was accompanied by fifteen tinny "khhh-cheek" sounds.

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fWHoaR! Trick-cyclists crack eternal mystery of WHAT WOMEN WANT in a man

Spleen

Re: Obligatory XKCD

There are XKCD comics other than that "Correct horse battery staple" one?

Well I never.

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Treat yourself to some FA, NFL or 1D action at Wembley Stadium

Spleen

So El Reg is partly responsible for the national disgrace that is the rows and rows of empty seats that the world's TV cameras see whenever a football match kicks off at Wembley? Even at a packed FA Cup final or England game it looks as if no-one's turned up, because the prawn sandwich brigade haven't emerged from the VIP lounge. (A problem that could easily have been solved by putting them underneath the cameras instead of opposite them.) Well done, El Reg.

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Good news: 'password' is no longer the #1 sesame opener, now it's '123456'

Spleen

!"£$%^&*() would apparently take 9,000 years to crack. Not as secure as (control c, control v) aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, but much easier to remember - how do you remember how many As there are? Whereas all you have to do with this little beauty is hold down shift and run your finger down the numbers.

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Oooh! My NAUGHTY SKIRT keeps riding up! Hello, INTERNET EXPLORER

Spleen

Re: what's the fuss?

The culture that gave the world the Catholic Church has no business lecturing anyone on a "bizarre blind spot for paedophilia".

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Spleen

I've heard of not knowing your arse from your elbow, but not being able to distinguish a girl's arse from her legs is a whole new level of weirdness.

Ok, I suppose the bend of her legs makes them look a bit like a pair of buttocks if you squint - but come on, really.

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The CURSE of WHO: WHY has there never been a decent videogame with the Doctor?

Spleen

As others have pointed out, the problem is that Doctor Who is fundamentally non-violent, and unimaginative designers think that computer games have to include laser guns.

They should make a Doctor Who game along the lines of the Amnesia games. They showed that you can have a good game where the protagonist is unarmed. A Machine For Pigs in particular is very like a Doctor Who episode - you run round an oppressive futuristic building, fleeing hideous monsters, gradually discover the monstrous purpose of the whole thing, and progress by fiddling with / breaking machinery.

Replace Amnesia's monsters with Daleks, Cybermen or, god forbid, Weeping Angels and I think there's a pretty good game in there. And of course you'd have that 'hide-behind-the-sofa' terror that everyone associates with Doctor Who.

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Cameron pledges public access to list of who REALLY owns firms

Spleen

Re: I've got a little list.

Assuming you're referring to the Big Four accountancy firms, it's PwC, Deloitte, KPMG and Ernst & Young. Goldman Sachs is an investment bank.

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You're more likely to get a job if you study 'social' sciences, say fuzzy-studies profs

Spleen

"University (or a big chunk of it) is nothing more than an industry predicated on the dodgy suggestion that if you borrow obscene amounts of money to attend the University of Spleen for 3 years to study universitology or whatever, that you will reap untold riches, which will make the obscene cost, the delay in actually working, and the extra damage to your liver all worth it."

Would you like to join our PR department?

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Japanese pussies slurp 'meow meow' sex wine

Spleen

Re: so what is the correct pronunciation?

The correct pronunciation is Ñian-Ñian. The 'n' sounds a bit like the first 'n' in the Spanish 'mañana'. And as said above, each 'nyan' is one syllable, not two. And it should rhyme with 'yarn-yarn' (appropriately enough), not 'can-can'.

Obviously, neither 'nyan' nor 'meow' sounds anything like a cat noise, anymore than a cat talking to you sounds like English. James Joyce's "Mrkgnao" is as good an onomatopoeia as any.

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US parents proclaim 811 'Messiahs'

Spleen

I don't see anything wrong with Messiah, it sounds like a perfectly normal African name. Though it's not as good a name as Goodluck Jonathan (president of Nigeria) or Two-Boys Gumede (South African footballer, so named because he was a second son).

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Spleen

Re: so... surely there must also be the opposite ?

Nominative antideterminism happens in cats too.

Many years ago we named our new kittens 'Bubble' and 'Squeak'. After about a week it became apparent that we'd named the fat one Squeak and the noisy one Bubble, so we swapped them over.

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Why a Robin Hood tax on filthy rich City types is the very LAST thing needed

Spleen

Re: Unwarranted conclusion

"If you want your opinion to be taken as fact, attribute it to a great figure from history."

-Winston Churchill

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Twitter-mad twits trade 14 million shares in BANKRUPT zombie biz

Spleen

Re: Fundamental flaws

I hope they don't pay you too much :):):)

I'm not sure that Marx specifically discussed the problem of consumers overpaying for something because they mistook it for something else. This is no more significant than someone mistaking lamb for beef.

If you are claiming that equity 'does not exist' then you are just talking nonsense. Equity is no more unreal than the money in your bank account or the pint you owe your mate. And certainly Marx claimed no such thing.

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Wikipedia Foundation exec: Yes, we've been wasting your money

Spleen

Like any charity that employs more than, say, 50 people then. I thought it was pretty obvious that Moiety was talking about national and supranational 'third sector' 'charities' of the likes of Oxfam, RSPCA, Greenpeace etc, not proper local charities.

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Oh, shoppin’ HELL: I’m in the supermarket of the DAMNED

Spleen

Re: A watched a TV program where...

Wouldn't recommend trying this. And not just because it's wrong to steal, obviously.

I was wondering why the staff at my Sainsburys had stopped coming over as soon as they heard the machine say 'approval needed', and started doing it at the end instead. (It annoyed me slightly because it meant having to catch their attention.) Fairly obvious now I think about it - it lets them check that the list of restricted items that flashes up on the screen matches what's in my bag.

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Spleen

Re: Too slow!

Multi buy discounts: it will actually discount them when you select the payment option (i.e. press 'card' or 'cash'), you don't need to go back and then go back in again. (I also used to go back twice - it's not the best design.)

Quicker to go through a manned till - well, obviously, that's not the point. The point is that it's quicker to get TO a self-service checkout - they can fit more of them in and the queues are much shorter.

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Spleen

Ah, an article about automated checkouts. The "Hey guys, what is UP with airline food?" de nos jours.

Strange, I thought this was El Reg, not Saga magazine or the Mendips Journal. All the article was missing was something about it being "a wry look" in the subheading.

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British support for fracking largely unmoved by knowledge of downsides

Spleen

Re: Green fatigue

Fracking can can cause the tortoises holding up the earth to lose their balance, which can cause the earth to shake, which might make Atlas drop the sky, causing it to fall on our heads. Simples.

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GTA V Online hits speed bumps: Short wait before you can rough up that hooker

Spleen

""We've designed house party invitations specifically to be a friendly social affair where players can visit each other's pads without fear of having them ruined or losing their hard-earned vehicles in the process"

Sounds mind-numbingly boring.

Did anyone ever play the original top-down GTA online? I think you could only do it on a LAN. But it was great. You found a machinegun, drove to where everyone else was, and rammed the pile-up at top speed, splattering anyone who was on foot. Once you got stuck in the wreckage of everyone else's cars you were a sitting duck, so you got out and opened fire on whoever you failed to run over. Then someone else would enter the scene and run you over. Then you would respawn, drive back and run them over. Repeat ad infinitum. After a few minutes you had a growing pile of wreckage and a continual rolling shootout with players driving in from all directions. Simple, repetitive and hilarious.

The sort of fun you just can't get nowadays with designed-to-death games like GTA V.

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Grand Theft Auto V: Violent, sweary and amazingly ambitious

Spleen

Re: Let me get this straight...

I haven't played GTA5 yet, but Bioshock Infinite was a bloody excellent game, fully deserving of five stars. It has some of the most enjoyable gameplay mechanics of any game I've played for years, while still being challenging. The GTA games are at their hearts fairly basic and often tedious shooting / driving games, raised to a much higher level by their writing and satire.

(By basic I mean the central gameplay mechanic, not the open world. In GTA3 it was stand in the open and mow everyone down, in GTA4 it was upgraded to hide behind something and mow everyone down.)

Lack of replayability does not detract from a game if it's good enough the first time round. You don't generally judge films by how good they are the second time - a few you do, but most you don't.

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Australian pub to serve beers for bitcoin

Spleen

World's newest currency?

Wouldn't that be the South Sudanese pound?

Admittedly the SSP is probably less likely to go tits-up.

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Five SECRET products Apple won't show today

Spleen
Flame

"So the best selling point of a iPhone is when it breaks you can get a replacement the same day if you live near an apple shop?"

If it hasn't burnt your house down.

Also, in case no-one's said it already, the two extra clicks required to add an icon now are bloody stupid and completely pointless.

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Three used cheap deal to lure me into buying expensive slab, chap tells ASA

Spleen

Can people stop saying "it's against the law" as if it means 3 are automatically in the wrong.

It's quite clear that it's a daft, unenforceable law, like most laws that end in "2008" or any other number associated with the Blair regime. How do you prove that the company was deliberately engaged in a bait-and-switch, and not just engaging in perfectly normal selling practices? I am a salesman, you have rung the sales line, my job is to sell you something. If I haven't got what you want then I am practically obliged to earn my salary by saying "what about this"?

It is only a bait-and-switch if 3 never had any of the advertised product in the first place. I can't see that ever being proved in court.

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Give us a break: Next Android version to be called 'KitKat'

Spleen

Re: I would have been very surprised if either company had objected.

Maybe Google should just go the whole hog and call it the Android KitKat Badger Cull Tuition Fees 10am Lecture just to *really* annoy the second-year PPE NUS-candidate wankers.

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'World's worst director' plans Snowden-inspired movie comedy

Spleen

Out of curiousity I looked it up. It sounds rubbish. I am basing that solely on the Wikipedia synopsis which indicates that it a) has no ending and b) uses the Blair Witch "found footage" device, but that is a pretty foolproof indication of crap. I get the sense that the positive comments were due to lowered expectations.

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WoW gold farmer throws sueball over real world gold theft

Spleen

Re: death and taxes

@YAC:

1) Derivatives have their own risks. With derivatives not backed by physical assets, it is basically a loan to the bank, and if the bank goes bust you lose the lot. Even with a physically-backed derivative where the bank has gold in a vault to support the derivative, you are still relying on the fact that the bank has enough gold for everyone if they go tits-up.

Obviously keeping it in your home has its own risks, but it's a perfectly reasonable preference.

2) I'm guessing she was too cheap. But then again, if it's insured, what's the difference (assuming you eventually get the insurer to pay out)? Apart from the risk of armed robbery.

3) She was in love? I know, some people eh.

"I realise the case is between her and the insurer, but she could equally well go after her (I assume ex) boyfriend and his cronies to recover the amount, if he has the funds to cough up."

That's not her job. She paid premiums to an insurer, and that makes recovering the money from the criminal their problem.

But yes, I understand why the insurer thinks she might have been in on it. That's why we have courts, to prove it one way or the other.

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WAR ON PORN: UK flicks switch on 'I am a pervert' web filters

Spleen

Re: "... as simple as DNS nobbling ..."

"Porn videos should be pretty easy to tell apart. Lots of boring, rhytmic to-and-fro movement, lots of fleshtone areas, very little dialogue."

How would you stop it blocking boxing videos?

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Tweet like escaping Hell depends on it, Twitter Catholics told

Spleen

Re: Pump and dump?

Makes sense. I mean, one is an amoralistic echo chamber constantly pumping out reams of vacuous bullshit and known mostly for witch-hunts, and the other is a social networking website.

To be honest I'm not sure which way round I should have written that joke.

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Spleen

"I've always wondered why God would want people grovelling around and singing dreary songs at him all the time."

Because he made man in God's image and that particular man happens to be Kim Jong Un?

I can never understand where this idea comes from that if God exists, he must be benevolent and/or rational.

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Unreal: Epic’s would-be Doom... er... Quake killer

Spleen

Re: Descent

People don't point out errors in the comments because they want to see the article corrected, they do it to show off their superior knowledge :-). Particularly when it comes to historical errors of the "That wasn't the first [whatever], it was 3D Space Blargle on the Tincan 2k Micro in 1977" variety.

Especially with the tendency of journalists (not necessarily El Reg ones) to correct the original article without any acknowledgement that there was an error in the original, which means that all comments on the error subsequently look daft.

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Bitcoin now accepted in London pub. In Hack-ney, of course

Spleen

Re: Currency value fluctuations

Never mind turning into half a pint, what about suddenly turning into twenty pints of bitcoin beer when you're stood behind the local skinhead Millwall supporter, with explosive results...

(I know 20x increases in value happened years ago, before the founders cashed out and ran, obviously.)

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