* Posts by Tim Jenkins

298 posts • joined 30 Oct 2007

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Revival of fortune: Mad Catz Mojo Android gaming micro console

Tim Jenkins

FTFY

"But if you are looking at something like Facebook on a 42-inch TV you may as well just l̶̲̅o̶̲̅g̶̲̅-̶̲̅i̶̲̅n̶̲̅ ̶̲̅t̶̲̅h̶̲̅r̶̲̅o̶̲̅u̶̲̅g̶̲̅h̶̲̅ ̶̲̅C̶̲̅h̶̲̅r̶̲̅o̶̲̅m̶̲̅e̶̲̅ GET A F*CKING LIFE!"

Sorry; it's been a tough day...

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Hello Barbie: Hang on, this Wi-Fi doll records your child's voice?

Tim Jenkins

Re: A chill just went up and down my spine at this....

So, another encrypted channel for those wicked people to use in plotting the supremacy of the Caliphate; has someone told the P.M. about this?

(Actually, the thought of a bearded fundie whispering his fiendish plans to Barbie in order to communicate with his co-conspirators is just too precious to miss...)

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Windows 10 for phones: Stepping towards the One True Windows

Tim Jenkins

Re: Do you feel that highlander?

'One Windows' always brings to mind a different movie (/book/radio-series/animation/game/lego)

Ash fitog durbatulûk, ash fitog gimbatul,

ash fitog thrakatulûk, agh burzum-ishi krimpatul.

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Apple Watch 'didn't work on HAIRY FANBOIS, was stripped of sensor tech'

Tim Jenkins

Re: Really?

"...medical research that states that regular masturbation is good for you..."

The NHS recommends "breaking up long periods of sitting time with shorter bouts of activity for just one to two minutes", so there's a use for the countdown timer function too...

(http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/fitness/Pages/sitting-and-sedentary-behaviour-are-bad-for-your-health.aspx)

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Boffins baffled by the glowing 'plumes' of MARS

Tim Jenkins

"...outlawed smokers..."

Nah; they've obviously just moved on to vaping....

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WhatDaHell, WhatsApp? Student claims 'stalker' tool shows security flaws

Tim Jenkins

Enough with the pics of 'photogenic' females to illustrate these stories, please; it's getting embarrassing.

More firearms on piles of cash would be fine, though...

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M0n0wall comes tumbling down as dev throws in the trowel

Tim Jenkins

"m0n0wall should be celebrated, not ridiculed"

Damn right - we used it for years on our Guest network (running for months on end hosted on an antique PII) and only retired it because the newer OSX devices started interpreting its captive portal function as a hostile interception - an Apple change rather than a failing in m0n0wall itself...

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Got $600 for every Win Server 2003 box you're running? Uh-oh

Tim Jenkins

Re: Over a barrel.

A nice barrel too: 4" Colt Python, I reckon...

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Wanted: Brit Facebook and Twitter trolls for counter-jihad psyops

Tim Jenkins

This 77 designation

How about 'the 1001101st' ?

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Tim Jenkins

Re: Call me old fashioned

"...let Tommy Robinson loose..."

Misread that as 'Tony Robinson', and thought "That's a bit harsh on archaeologists, but I guess it might work" ; )

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Tim Jenkins

I though exactly the same; struck me as either some kind of heavy-handed 'military humour' or a rather crass political decision within the MOD; it's not like it's hard to come up with a 'new' unit number, after all, and not try to draw a clumsy linkage between a genuinely ballsy unit of real warriors, and Twits

(and if we're going to do historical references, the Bible-verses-on-sniper-scopes thing did it better...)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trijicon_biblical_verses_controversy

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Tim Jenkins
Terminator

Re: Call me old fashioned

===========================================================>

'nuff said.

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Why Windows 10 on Raspberry Pi 2? Upton: 'I drank the Kool-Aid'

Tim Jenkins

Re: Embrace. Extend. Extinguish.

True, but they probably don't expect those devices to be able to digest a pirated Office 2003 CD or attach to their Argos-issue USB printer, which they did when they bought that temptingly priced netbook, took it home and found Lin-something-or-other on it...

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Google boffins PROVE security warnings don't ... LOOK! A funny cat!

Tim Jenkins

Re: Attackers...

"You have just clicked on a Google AdWord-promoted site link which will happily charge you an 'administration fee' for an otherwise free UK Government or other service. But we don't care, because we got our cut. So go right ahead. It's fine. Honest. Look; we're Google, would we lie to you?"

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Can't afford a BMW or Roller? Just HACK its doors open!

Tim Jenkins

Re: Was there something terribly wrong with using a key?

"...use them to open doors..."

Also recalcitrant floor traps and jammed RJ45 socket covers. Try that with a BMW fob...

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Drunk on Friday night? Then YOU probably DIDN'T spot Facebook's privacy tweak

Tim Jenkins

"...copper-haired boydroid..."

PLEASE tell me that's his Oculus avatar ; )

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Spent the weekend watching Game of Thrones? You're a FAT LONELY SADDO

Tim Jenkins

Re: Spent the weekend watching Game of Thrones? You're a FAT LONELY SADDO

"Not if you act it out"

Depends; is it a solo performance, and are you doing the Daenerys/Drogo scenes, or almost any part involving Theon's parts?

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Apple CEO: Fandroids are BINNING Android in favour of IPHONES

Tim Jenkins

Re: Landfill

The whole "Landfill Android" tag is getting a bit out of date anyway. The £29.99 unit which I picked up for the Mrs at a certain blue-alien-promoted highstreet catalogue shop (I declined the 'mandatory' £10 top-up) is turning out to be perfectly viable for her browsing and messaging habits and even copes with iPlayer / Netflix. It's somwhat less than a 5" screen, but then she has very small hands...

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Wheeee! BT preps for FIVE HUNDRED MEGABIT broadband trial

Tim Jenkins

Holy shokushu goukan, Batman!

2Gbs? That's one hell of a lot of tentacle-porn...

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'Revenge porn' bully told not to post people's nude pics online. That's it. That's his punishment

Tim Jenkins

Re: What I do not understand..

Like the £36 I just got stung to get my address changed on a motor insurance policy, it was probably an 'administration fee'...

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Friends, Canadians, countrymen: Would you buy a GOLD PLATED BlackBerry Passport?

Tim Jenkins

Re: Nice try...

Mr Ratner undersold his products. I've been wearing one of his infamous 99p 'gold' earrings ("...cheaper than an M&S prawn sandwich but probably wouldn't last as long...") through the side of my nose since the late 1980s, and it's yet to turn green and/or fall off. Neither, last time I checked, has my nose.

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YouTube flushes Flash for future flicks

Tim Jenkins

Re: What's new?

And many of those sites helpfully offer you new versions of Flash to download and install before you can watch, just to be sure it works. Or so I'm told. By a friend. Obviously.

(Mind you, it's getting quite hard to see anything past all of these extra browser toolbars and full-screen pop-ups, so I could be mistaken)

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Google Translate MEAT GRINDER turns gay into 'faggot', 'poof', 'queen'

Tim Jenkins

Does it turn

'coloured' into 'cringing apology'?

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Is it humanly possible to watch Gigli and Battlefield Earth back-to-back?

Tim Jenkins

Re: I always

I always felt 'Sex Lives of the Potato Men' was deliberately misunderstood by the critics, largely due to Johnny Vegas taking the lead role. The same film starring Timothy Spall and with a Mike Leigh directors credit would have been hailed as a Palme d'Or candidate for being a "brave and gritty representation of underclass Britain", or some such tosh...

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Tim Jenkins

Re: Dumb lists

Brando and that butter. The horror, the horror....

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Tim Jenkins

Re: Hmmmm...

"...landing under the White Cliffs of Dover*..."

*actually filmed at the Seven Sisters cliffs in Sussex, which Wikipedia notes a being "a stand-in for the more famous White Cliffs of Dover, since they are relatively free of anachronistic modern development and are also allowed to erode naturally". The film makers probably wanted to imply that they were part of the well-known Nottinghamshire coastline...

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Tim Jenkins

Re: Hmmmm...

Ah, yes, Prince of Thieves. Where the opening montage has them landing under the White Cliffs of Dover, announcing that they will be in Nottingham by nightfall (170 miles), and then travelling there via a slight detour of 120 miles further north to Hadrian's Wall. Outstanding!

(but totally redeemed by Alan Rickman, of course. There must be a 'Costner-free' edit around somewhere...)

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UK Scouts database 'flaws' raise concerns

Tim Jenkins

Re: Define Accessible...

"...some people have logins who shouldn't have...."

and some people are scout leaders who shouldn't be.

(although my own unfortunate experiences were as a cadet with the St John Ambulance back in the 80s, which seemed to attract an even weirder bunch of 'leaders' than the Scouts did. Something to do with the black paramilitary uniform with silver Maltese Crosses, and the regular bandaging and CPR practice, perhaps. Yuch.)

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DANGER: Is that 'hot babe' on Skype a sextortionist?

Tim Jenkins

"...police, who are working a theory that a gang might be involved..."

Just not the kind of "gang" the 'victims' were hoping for, presumably...

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Professor's BEAGLE lost for 10 years FOUND ON MARS

Tim Jenkins

Made me think of the opening sequence of "The Martian Chronicles" (1980), where the camera pulls back to reveal the city just out of sight of Viking 1. Still haunts me, that image...

(about 2m 15s into https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AWen9WZhztU , and try not to be watching it 4 1/2 hours later)

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Tesla S P85+: Smiling all the way to the next charging point

Tim Jenkins

giant Scalextric tracks

"...stick a couple of metal brushes on the bottom of the car..."

Bit of a pain having to stop every few miles to clear off the cat fur and stray pubes, though...

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The weirdly-synched life of the Google Nest household

Tim Jenkins

"Fuckign Technology is amazing"

and can be replicated by most keen amateurs in 6-9 months by applying more Fuckign (assuming compatible and opposite gametes)

Sadly, then takes 15-25 years to mature into useful next-generation technology, if you're lucky....

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You're late, Falcon 9: Look what you've done to NASA’s DSCOVR launch!

Tim Jenkins

Re: between 15 and 60 minutes warning ... to do what, exactly?

Well, yes, but what I'm intrigued by is HOW? It seems like rather short notice to shield all those transformers, particularly after having to fill out the 'working at heights' Risk Assessment form for each pole...

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Tim Jenkins

"...this will provide between 15 and 60 minutes warning before the particles reach us..."

Which is time to do what, exactly; don pointy tinfoil hats?

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US Navy's LASER CANNON WARSHIP: USS Ponce sent to Gulf

Tim Jenkins

Re: It was named after the explorer Juan Ponce de León

Presumably Leon was his 'friend' ; )

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Cloud Printing from a Chromebook: We try it out on 8 inkjet all-in-ones

Tim Jenkins

Re: How did this become a thing?

...a great replacement for a simple ethernet/usb cable...

No way; I paid PC World £19.99 each for my 'network cable with gold-plated connections' and my 'high speed printer lead', and I'm damn well going to get my money's worth...

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Assange's WikiLeaks: Give generously this Xmas – for STATUE of our DEAR LEADER

Tim Jenkins

My Lord, I have a cunning plan

Commission statue of JA, bring statue to embassy for photo opp, leave statue in embassy, remove bronze-painted JA under noses of SC&O19, ship to Ecuador in big packing case...

Might not work so well at USDB Leavenworth, but we could give it a go.

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The Great Unwatched: BBC hails glorious digital future for Three

Tim Jenkins

Re: Tristram.

I will happily listen to (and pay for) any number of "documentaries about moss" on Radio 4, preferably presented by Michael Portillo, Lord Bragg or Baron Winston. I'll even listen to Melanie Phillips complaining that it was anti-semitic...

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Tim Jenkins

Obital eccentricity centered on Inverness-shire, traced to underground source

"...publishing an animated interview with the mother of a victim of a domestic abuse straight after 'Murdered By My Boyfriend'..."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Reith,_1st_Baron_Reith

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Oi, UK.gov. WHERE'S THE DETAIL on your Google Tax?

Tim Jenkins

"...having the potential to unlock "radical" change...."

Presumably the 'radical change' being which model of luxury SUV your average 'tax barrister' will be able to drive to their place in the Cotswolds once the court cases start arriving...

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#Gamergate folk load flamethrower, roast own feet over GTA V 'ban'

Tim Jenkins

Re: Sigh.

So what was it that made us do that, then? I'm guessing subliminal messages in Blue Peter...

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UK slaps 25 per cent 'Google Tax' on tech multinationals

Tim Jenkins

Re: So its not VAT

Hmmmmmm; do I upvote for a cunning pun, or downvote for implied misogyny ?

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Brit smut slingers shafted by UK censors' stiff new stance

Tim Jenkins

"Mummy, what's fisting ?"

"It's what Daddy does on Saturdays, down by the lake, with the other men in big rubber boots"

Oh, no, wait....

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FBI warns of disk NUKE malware after Sony Pictures megahack

Tim Jenkins

...making a fresh leap forward on all fronts...

Meanwhile, Rodong Sinmun has a splendid picture of E̶r̶i̶c̶ ̶C̶a̶r̶t̶m̶a̶n̶ Kim Jong Un (possibly raising his own 'fierce wind') on its front page today (http://www.rodong.rep.kp/en/), but sadly returns zero results on searching for 'Sony'...

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EVIL US web giants shield TERRORISTS? Evil SPIES in net freedom CRUSH PLOT?

Tim Jenkins

Terrorist / Freedom Fighter?

I'm sure Uncle Vlad would be delighted to find out who chatters on FB from a Russian I.P. about his little incursion into Ukraine, just so his chaps can pay them a visit and make sure they are not planning anything naughty, like disagreeing with it in any way. Likewise the Chinese and those misguided HK democracy activists, Free Tibet campaigners or followers of religious 'cults'. Then there's the current Thai regime and the rabble-rousers making dangerous gestures from a bad sci-fi movie, various Gulf States regarding the promotion of womens rights and religious tolerance, the caring and sharing rulers of assorted 'stans and anyone they're not actually related to, geriatric kleptocracies across Africa and local LGBT campaigners....

All those potential 'terrorists'; it's going to get busy out there....

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Blade Runner sequel might actually be good. Harrison Ford is in it

Tim Jenkins

"....Ms.Young's current appearance...."

Not half bad, IMHO

http://www.zimbio.com/photos/Sean+Young/Jug+Face+Portraits+2013+Sundance+Film+Festival/D_UDelfcbrX

(and how could I have forgotten that she was in 'Dune' too? Oh, yeah, right...)

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Assange™ slumps back on Ecuador's sofa after detention appeal binned

Tim Jenkins

"...the really dangerous people on the streets..."

such as the poor sods in SC&O19 who have spent the past couple of years polishing their G36s and staring at that monstrosity of a building:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Embassy_of_Ecuador,_London#mediaviewer/File:Ecuadors_London_embassy_-_September_26,_2012.jpg

I mean, those twirly bits on the balconies are going to start looking like eyes after a while...

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Useless 'computer engineer' Barbie FIRED in three-way fsck row

Tim Jenkins

Re: MEN!

A quick visit to her brothers Action Man / GI Joe collection and voila, Peshmerga Barbie

http://www.theguardian.com/world/gallery/2014/oct/09/kurdish-peshmerga-fighters-women-on-the-frontline-in-pictures

(Showed my daugher those pictures and she cheered; I must be doing something right...)

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You'll go APE for our new Gorilla Glass 4, Corning reckons

Tim Jenkins

A random sampling* at our school gate would suggest that a combination of Iceland-mum curves, over-optimism about jean sizes, and Samsung devices stored in back pockets is a significant factor too...

(*carried out purely in the name of science, of course)

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Britain's HUMAN DNA-strewing Moon mission rakes in £200k

Tim Jenkins

stiff "lunar littering" fine

Not to mention the possible repercussions if Small Clanger were to get his little pink knitted paws on all that human cloning material…

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