* Posts by Tim Jenkins

389 posts • joined 30 Oct 2007

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Linus Torvalds releases Linux 4.6

Tim Jenkins

Re: What happens when Linus dies?

"Finn," Sally said, then tilted the flask and swallowed, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, "you gotta be crazy. . . ."

"I should be so lucky. A rig like this, I'm pushing it to have a little imagination, let alone crazy."

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A UK-wide fibre broadband investment plan? Don't ask awkward questions

Tim Jenkins

Nope, my hope is that OpenReach actually get around to terminating the fibreoptic they strung and pulled all over this bit of mid-Wales almost exactly one year ago. There's kilometres of their black-with-a-yellow-stripe visible, coiled up on poles, leaning against walls, hanging off broken brackets, left on drums by the roadside...

£425 million public money, 1 tender from the ex-state monopoly supplier. What could go wrong?

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Uninstall QuickTime for Windows: Apple will not patch its security bugs

Tim Jenkins

Re: WTF!

Bonjour is a requirement for using networked FileMaker* (also an Apple product, though not really marketed as being so).

*I know; the answer would be not to use FileMaker, and I wish I didn't have to...

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Windows 10 debuts Blue QR Code of Death – and why malware will love it

Tim Jenkins

Re: Come on MS. Please tell us who thought that this was a good idea?

"I put up a QR code for our guest wifi access at work"

We tried them here. It turns out that while many people recognise they have something to do with a smartphone camera, that's the limit of their knowledge, so while a handful of folk who had a QR app installed prior to arrival could use them successfully, the rest just ended up with a nice picture of a blotchy box in their Gallery to remind them of their visit...

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You can't dust-proof a PC with kitchen-grade plastic food wrap

Tim Jenkins

Re: Positive Air Pressure

" A quick vacuum from the outside does the job, you could even tell the cleaner to do it, it's pretty fool proof."

Except the cleaner is 100% guaranteed to either

a) crash computer by pulling plug to power industrial vacuum machine

or (slightly smarter facility hygene operative)

b) plug industrial vacuum machine* into empty socket next to computer, thus tripping circuit

*floor polishers are also good for this, as we discovered by correlating our regular teaching PC lab failures with the caretakers weekly rounds...

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When Steve Jobs was away, Apple's designers snuck out a penis-shaped remote control

Tim Jenkins

Re: See a doctor...

or ask your wife; she may prefer one that needs batteries...

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Woman scales Ben Nevis wielding selfie stick instead of ice axe

Tim Jenkins

Re: Fucking moron

"...30+ degrees most of the way up and dropped to below 0 during the last few hundred metres ascent..."

Yup, been there; it's one seriously weird mountain. Early summertime walk, set off accompanied by bright sunshine and pleasant warmth, was in full waterproofs, hat, gloves and ski goggles (on account of the driving ice particles propelled by the galeforce wind) at the top. Staggered down out of the zero-visibility zone to encounter a foreign tourist (German, natch) heading up garbed in the proverbial t-shirt, shorts and sandals, equipped with a sandwich and pack of crisps in a carrier bag. Guess he might be still up there somewhere...

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US Marine Corps launches hacker support unit

Tim Jenkins

Sound off, one, two..

This is my iPad

This is my Sun

This is for surfing

This is for precomputing tables allowing the reversal of cryptographic hash functions where the initial salt value was insufficiently large

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Dodgy software will bork America's F-35 fighters until at least 2019

Tim Jenkins

Re: A boondoggle through and through and now ejection seats are also a problem?

"...there's no credible enemy for whom this is an appropriate defensive tool...."

See next week's Daily Fail, where Cody Wilson will be revealed as having released 3D printer files for a MiG-35...

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Govt: Citizens, we know you want 10Mbps. This is the last broadband scheme for that

Tim Jenkins

Re: All homes and businesses can now access basic broadband at speeds of 2Mps

I'm assuming I'm reading the sync speeds on all four of our business ADSLs wrong, because I'd swear they say 1.1 - 1.6 Mbs inbound (which all the graphs say is correct given the attenuation over 5km of copper). Maybe we've moved closer to town without anyone telling me...

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Telling your wife why you were fired is the only punishment

Tim Jenkins

Re: Maybe they were right

Just wondering, in this kind of situation, is it worse explaining to the wife that they were pictures of her, or of someone else?

Asking on behalf of a friend. Obviously.

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UK to stop children looking at online porn. How?

Tim Jenkins

Re: Naff all use

" It's not something you purchase off a specific shelf on the way back from school."

At least one of the 'anonymous' VPN service providers allow payment via gift cards bought for cash in highstreet shops*. US-only at the moment, but I can see that changing...

*AKA 'mall outlets', I believe.

1
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This Android Trojan steals banking creds and wipes your phone

Tim Jenkins

Re: Darwin is calling

"The only times I've ever turned on unknown sources was to install the Amazon app"

The official National Lottery app also requires 'unknown sources' to be enabled, because apparently Google 'doesn't allow any real money lottery apps in its store' (https://www.national-lottery.co.uk/android/installation)

Or so I'm told. By a friend. Obviously. Ahem...

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Zero. Zilch. Nada. That's how much Netflix uses its own data centres now

Tim Jenkins

Re: Netfix is at the mercy of Amazon

"Do you really think Netflix is paying by VISA via an AWS account?"

No, but they'll be buggered when the member of staff who signed up for the AWS account leaves, and they realise no-one else in the office knows what their first pet was called...

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Assange will 'accept arrest' on Friday if found guilty

Tim Jenkins

Re: What are the odds looking like?

Wonder what odds I could get on him departing via glider off the roof.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colditz_Cock

(which could also be his new nickname...)

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Research: By 2017, a third of home Wi-Fi routers will power passers-by

Tim Jenkins

Re: Leeches

I think the deal is that if you opt-out your own router from providing BT Wifi (which you have to do through your BT online account management, rather than on the router as used to be possible), you lose the credentials to use all the other BT homehubs which have their BTWifi SSIDs switched on by default (5 million+, they claim).

0
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Major Hollywood studio eyes Paint Drying sequel

Tim Jenkins

Basil Brush

is unfortunately unavailable; apparently the Yewtree chaps are interested in having a chat with him about his post-television career teaching English to orphaned kittens in Thailand...

Boom, and indeed, boom.

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Land Rover Defender dies: Production finally halted by EU rules

Tim Jenkins

Many happy hours on long journeys

spent poking things through the vent flaps and machinegunning oncoming cars.

These days there's probably an app for that.

8
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999 What's your emergency: Mega millions Met call handling IT muckup?

Tim Jenkins

Mind you, being able to summon up an F16 or B2 in response to a 999 call would bring a whole new angle to the concept of 'high impact' policing...

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PDF redaction is hard, NSW Medical Council finds out - the hard way

Tim Jenkins

Re: Yet another way to get it wrong...

I once had to point out to a senior member of university staff that removing the identity of a student from the body of a 'sensitive' document didn't entirely prevent said individual from being identified if the footer showed a file path ending in a folder that was labelled with the students name...

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BBC risks wrath of android rights activists with Robot Wars reboot

Tim Jenkins

Re: One man and his dog

Or when researching the nocturnal visual capabilities of medium-sized domesticated mammals: 'do goats see in the dark?'

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Lower video resolution can deliver better quality, says Netflix

Tim Jenkins

...scenes with fast-moving objects, quick scene changes, explosions and water splashes...

Every Pirates of the Caribbean outing, best watched at a resolution of anything you like, provided all the pixels are permanently set to #000000.

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New gear needed to capture net connection records, say ISPs

Tim Jenkins

"...costs of... ...making it available when plod wants to snoop through it...".

Much cheaper for the girls and boys in blue to wait until the ICR data stores get exfiltrated / torrented, and fish through it then, surely?

Austerity, we're all in this together, etc, etc...

1
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Kids' TV show Rainbow in homosexual agenda shocker

Tim Jenkins

For even younger viewers, MDMA was a drug once favoured by "mum and dad" but has now been supplanted in popularity by 'orrible pills and powders spewing out of Chinese fertiliser factories, which is why we can still use the 'Just Say No' approach with you, even though we clearly didn't say No when we were your age...

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Steve Jobs mural highlights plight of Syrian refugees

Tim Jenkins

Re: "keenly observed"

As clearly shown when SJ lifted the first one from its bag back in 1984:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2B-XwPjn9YY (about 50 seconds in)

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Enraged Brits demand Donald Trump UK ban

Tim Jenkins

...a potato would do a better job than Trump...

or, as some Republicans would have it, a potatoe

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wdqbi66oNuI

(Whatever happened to him, apart from being forever known as George W's Number Two?)

1
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Outsourcer didn't press ON switch, so Reg reader flew 15 hours to do the job

Tim Jenkins

"...designers know better..."

"I say, chaps, on our next case thingy, why don't we put the power button just to the right of that bit, you know, the slidy-draw where the shiny spinny things go in and out?"

"Golly, good thinking, Tarqin; now, who's up for a refreshing 'diet' Coke break?"

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Cyber-terror: How real is the threat? Squirrels are more of a danger

Tim Jenkins

Re: 1 in 5 Squirrels

is gay?

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BT could lawyer up after Sky’s sport channels obligation removed

Tim Jenkins

Not entirely tosh; my reading of it is that if you opt for the new multi-room model, each additional 'Sky Q mini' box acts as a wifi repeater, via either 802.11 or powerline, presumably in order to get ensure bandwidth to stream HD content to other TVs or wireless devices from the 'master' box that holds the hard drive and connects to the satellite feeds. I'm actually quite looking forward to it, as it bugs me that I have recorded programmes in the living room which I can't access in the bedroom, even though the Sky HD+ box itself is on the house LAN and WLAN...

http://www.techradar.com/news/television/first-impression-sky-q-1309224

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'Shut down the parts of internet used by Islamic State masterminds'

Tim Jenkins

Re: Well that's a good solution

I think the clue was in the (R-TX) bit.

http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/simpsons/images/4/45/The_Rich_texan_tapped_out.png

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Linus Torvalds targeted by honeytraps, claims Eric S. Raymond

Tim Jenkins

...he was taken down due to perjury...

Not even that; Slick Willie was acquitted by the Senate (failure to reach the 2/3 vote necessary to remove an incumbent President), and served out his full two terms in office.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impeachment_and_acquittal_of_Bill_Clinton

(he was, however, responsible for the introduction to mainstream America of the often repeated phrase 'semen-stained dress', so kudos for that...)

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Stick a pin in a sales droid to avoid cable voodoo

Tim Jenkins

Macintosh HDI-30

That square, friction-fit SCSI port on the back of mid-90's Apple PowerBooks. Guaranteed not to be inserted correctly by the user (preventing a successful boot), or to be plugged/unplugged while in action, or to get twisted slightly by the cable to the daisychained device and causing the laptop to lose connection with its own HDD rather violently....

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UK's internet spy law: £250m in costs could balloon to £2 BILLION

Tim Jenkins
Coat

"Lots of usual talk about the 4 horsemen"

Don't think I've seen that one. Is it available on rotten dot com?

( data fetishists play time sounds good too)

/eyebleach

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Feds spank naughty Hilton, M.C. Dean in Wi-Fi jamming crackdown

Tim Jenkins

Re: ** Free ** ubiquitous wi-fi

Ummmm; I think you might have misunderstood the story. The Hilton guests were using their own mobiles and associated data plans (for which they were presumably paying their cell company), and then connecting other wifi devices to the personal hotspot broadcast by the phone; a perfectly legitimate use of technology even in a hotel room. The accusation is that the Hilton chose to use its own building WiFi units, presumably in 'rogue-AP' blocking mode, to make this harder to do by swamping or otherwise interfering with the phone hotspot signal, thus forcing guests to use the hotel pay-for WiFi access, which is really rather naughty...

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US govt drafts Google, Walmart, Amazon, BestBuy execs for drone registration system

Tim Jenkins

So...

So, in the Land of the Free*, the drone you shoot down will be registered, but the firearm you shot it with won't be....

*Note: not a dig, just a bemused comment from a country where only criminals can buy guns. I fully support your right to arm bears and all other mammals with suitable upper-limb dexterity.

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Online daters swindled out of £33m last year – police

Tim Jenkins

"3,543 people... with a total financial loss of £33,650,491"

£10K each? Damn...

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Chaos at TalkTalk: Data was 'secure', not all encrypted, we took site down, were DDoSed

Tim Jenkins

Re: Sustained???

"they were distracted by a DDoS, that is the sustained bit. Instead of pulling the servers, they were focused on that and missed the penetration"

Wasn't that exactly what happened in one of the the big Sony breaches, where the perps used a DDOS to hide the exfiltration of TBs of data?

Can't imagine even 4 million sets of customer details would be within a few orders of magnitude of that size, though...

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TalkTalk: Hackers may have nicked personal, banking info on 4 million Brits

Tim Jenkins

Re: What about ex-customers?

" she came across extremely well given the circumstances"

Rather less well just now on 'Today', where her reason for not being able to tell customers if any potentially exfiltrated personal datasets are encrypted was that 'TalkTalk systems have millions of lines of code'...

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Weight, what? The perfect kilogram is nearly in Planck's grasp

Tim Jenkins

Re: Heavy science

Bah; trivia. What we really need to know is, exactly how thick is a Planck?

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Amazon Fire HD 8: Mid-spec Nokia Lumi... er, MediaTek slab

Tim Jenkins

"I wonder if that means Mayday was over- or under-used?"

I'm pretty sure the most common Mayday was "Why won't my f*cking tablet connect to the f*cking wifi?!?!". Which, funnily enough, never got an answer...

(Back nearly 20 years ago, when I was doing phone support for a brand of UK-manufactured modems, we left some essential DLLs off the installation CD for several thousand units shipping in the runup to Christmas. The solution was to add a small slip of paper to each box, advising those affected to go online to download them. That was a fun New Year.)

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How long does it take an NHS doctor to turn on a computer?

Tim Jenkins

Re: I still can't get my head round this one

"Almost everyone I know types... ...into the Google or Bing search box and selects the first search result"

or they click the first paid search result (with the indistinguishable-to-the-average-human-eye-shading), which is how that application for a free EHIC ends up with a £49 'facilitation fee'...

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PHONE me if you feel DIRTY: Yanks and 'Nadians wave bye-bye to magstripe

Tim Jenkins

"...no one knew how easy it was to read and duplicate information..."

Back in the late 80's, a certain technical university about 15 miles to the northwest of Charing Cross used perforated plastic cards for its halls-of-residence door security. One had to pay a silly amount in deposit for them, and they inevitably fractured at least once per term. It was, however, entirely possible to back-up* the the necessary information using a suitably sized drillbit and one of the billion or so phonecards that paved the streets in that Thatcherite wonderland...

(*for personal archive use only, and definitely not for mass duplication to allow assorted non-students to enjoy the facilities. That would have been bad)

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Dot-gay bid fails again: This time because it is too gay

Tim Jenkins

no "nexus between proposed string and community."

The only .gay in the .village?

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FBI boss: No encryption backdoor law (but give us backdoors anyway)

Tim Jenkins

...they will very, very aggressively be hunting for it...

or hunting for someone on the inside to coerse/extort/bribe or otherwise manipulate to just hand them the key. Look how good the West was at keeping all those nuclear secrets back in the last Cold War...

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Five things that doomed the big and brilliant BlackBerry 10

Tim Jenkins

"...Then in October, came the global network outage..."

"...leaving BlackBerry owners capable of doing little more than make and receive calls for three days..."

Or, in the case of a group of Network Rail chaps who I shared a hotel bar in mid-Wales with during that week, running up huge expenses on taster menus and vintage whiskies because their meeting protocols said they couldn't work with anything but the latest documents (fairly sensible on a complex track expansion and resignalling project) , and these were all tied up on unreachable BB servers. To their credit, they did spend a while trying to work round the blockage using Yahoo accounts...

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Brown kid with Arab name arrested for bringing home-made clock to school

Tim Jenkins

Re: Is there any case in the real world

Grand Hotel, Brighton, 1986. 24 day delay based on a VCR timer, according to one source. I probably shouldn't Google these things so often...

3
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Tim Jenkins

...Cubs dressed as St Trinian's style girls...

Back when such things were innocent fun. Unless they weren't. Obviously. No doubt the Operation Yewtree/Hydrant plods will be in touch sometime soon, once they've got Sir Cliff finished off...

2
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BAN the ROBOT WHORES, says robot whore expert: 'These AREN'T BARBIES'

Tim Jenkins

Re: Where does she draw the line?

If your sex robot has achieved actual self awareness, then you're into a whole different ball *ahem* game . Presumably it consents, or not, with the added option of applying a few thousand volts through its universal sex bus in the event of unwanted docking...

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Sign of the telly times: HDR shines, UHD Blu-ray slides at IFA

Tim Jenkins

Re: UHD Blu-ray is already sunk

"...circular scratches (the worst kind for DVD and other optical disks), probably due to fault or perhaps just dirt in some patron's player..."

Nope; I can assure you that these are always caused by a small person* rotating the disk around the spindle in the DVD case, sometimes for hours, with a small piece of grit trapped beneath it. They are also to be found on EVERY compact disk in a car that has ever had a micro-humanoid transported in it, usually five minutes into a very long journey.

*the single indelible chocolate-button/marmite/jam fingerprint on the label side is the clue

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