* Posts by Tim Jenkins

324 posts • joined 30 Oct 2007

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VPNs are so insecure you might as well wear a KICK ME sign

Tim Jenkins
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Re: Hide My Ass

Phase 1: internet-connected donkey

Phase 2: ?

Phase 3: Profit

Once we're past the IPO, the RSPCA will never find my private island...

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Airbnb beats actual posh hotel chain with stupidly large valuation

Tim Jenkins
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Re: Stop it now. This is silly.

"What's a listing on Airbnb really worth?"

£100 for tonight and tomorrow, thanks to the Dutch couple who booked with us yesterday, or about £1500 since March, which is nice....

Yes, of course they're stupidly overvalued for a software platform, but the business model works for us ; )

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INTERNET of BOOBS: Scorching French lass reveals networked bikini

Tim Jenkins
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Re: Temperature?

What really annoys me about that bunch of over-entitled twits was not a) their disrobing on a 'sacred mountain' or b) their posting pics of said dishabille to social media but c) their casual assumption that no-one in Malaysia is on the Internet and so wouldn't notice...

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Cops turn Download Festival into an ORWELLIAN SPY PARADISE

Tim Jenkins
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Re: Epic use of tech

So, so hoping that's a troll, because otherwise I'm going to have to spend the next hour or three pointing out all the flaws in your argument, and I should really be unscrambling a DNS screwup....

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Tim Jenkins
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Re: Two words.

...the Powers That Be, believe that attendees of a major music festival are more likely to be criminals, untrustworthy or international terrorists...

Hmmmm; let's check the headliners:

Slipknot, Muse, Kiss (no, really), Judas Priest, FNM, Motley Crue, Marilyn Manson

So, 'criminals'; possibly 20 years ago when they were misguided teenagers (or 40, in the case of Kiss and JP fans), 'untrustworthy' in their musical tastes, and perhaps their hearing acuity, and 'international terrorists' only if ISIS/ISIL recruiting standards have really, really slipped...

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Armchair cyber-army vandalizes Uncle Sam's Army.mil website

Tim Jenkins
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"....the homepage for US Strategic Command, which helps to coordinate the US military's space operations and missile defense...."

Hoping you mean USSTRATCOM coordinates the US military's space operations and missile defense, rather than that they coordinate said things through their homepage...

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New kid on the blocks: Lego Worlds game challenges Minecraft

Tim Jenkins
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Go Team Penis Sweep!

That Eurogamer article is a spoof. Isn't it? No?

"...They wanted a creative building MMO with a promise of zero penises seen. They actually had a huge moderation team that got a bunch of screenshots of every model, every property... ...YOU could build whatever you wanted, but strangers could never see your builds until we'd had the team do a penis sweep on it..."

That's going to look so good on a C.V.

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Silk Road boss Ross Ulbricht to spend LIFE in PRISON without parole

Tim Jenkins
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Re: Take a good look

"...Total marijuana tax revenues are now expected to climb to $94 million annually by 2016, according to the latest projections. This would equate to a $1 billion dollar retail market.

The revenue figures are high enough that Colorado now finds itself in the enviable situation of having to figure out what to do with all that money...."

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/wonkblog/wp/2015/02/12/colorados-legal-weed-market-700-million-in-sales-last-year-1-billion-by-2016/

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EU net neutrality could kneecap the Tories' opt-out pr0n filter plans

Tim Jenkins
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"....The UK approach is not a common model in other European countries..."

I vote we opt for the French model, typically to be found in a government-owned flat somewhere near the Elysee Palace wearing nothing but whisps of expensive lingerie and Chanel #5...

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Look out, law abiding folk: UK’s Counter-Extremism Bill slithers into view

Tim Jenkins
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"...all churches will be closed down?"

Nah; just the ones which have issues with traditions, beliefs, histories, science, sexualities and gender roles that differ from their own teachings, and encourage their 'faithful' to act accordingly.

Oh, wait....

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Election? Pah. Here's the REAL question: Who’s the SEXIEST MP?

Tim Jenkins
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Re: Conservative Majority again.

Yup; a classic PJ line:

“No one has ever had a fantasy about being tied to a bed and sexually ravished by someone dressed as a liberal”

from one of the collected essays in 'Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer'.

By coincidence, my current bedtime reading. Apparently out-of-print, though.

("Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys” also seems apposite ; )

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Intel has ambitions to turn modems into virtual servers and reinvent broadband

Tim Jenkins
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Re: Yet more scope for malware.

"...At this rate we will shortly be needing to do AV scans on our CAT5 cables...."

There's already that potentially exploitable ARM-chippery in Lightning connectors...

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2015/02/16/apple_lightning_cable_hack/

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The Apple Watch: THROBBING STRAP-ON with a knurled knob

Tim Jenkins
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Re: Health is touted as the Watch’s killer app

And those 'extra' 10 years will be in the wrong place.

I'd like mine somewhere between 25 and 35, please. Back when I had the life experience to avoid a lot of mistakes, but was fit enough to survive making them anyway....

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Microsoft to offer special Surface 3 for schools

Tim Jenkins
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Re: Not shiny enough

"...Teachers and kids prefer shiny kit. Read Apple..."

As do the scrotes. Village primary round these parts was on the front page of the local paper with the kids proudly showing off shiny new iPads as generous donor shook hands with Head Teacher. Headline not long after was "School Burgled"...

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Google pulls plug on YouTube for older iPads, iPhones, smart TVs

Tim Jenkins
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Re: Too late the "future" is here.

"...Kids don't watch TV. They watch their peers Youtube channels..."

Not if they're using that hand-me-down first gen iPad, they're not....

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Ex-Windows designer: Ballmer was dogmatic, Sinofsky's bonkers, and WinPho needs to change

Tim Jenkins
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Re: Sounds like a Mental Health Institution

"...some sociopath..."

800 SAT

magna cum laude from Harvard College

dropped out of Stanford Graduate School of Business to join Microsoft as 30th employee

Personal net worth of $20 billion or so (plus the LA Clippers)

I mean, yes, the guy may well be a sociopath, and may well have made many, many poor decisions (like MS missing mp3 players, smartphones AND tablets on his watch), but that's still smarter than your average bear...

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Internet kingmakers cry mercy over mad dash to fill global DNS throne

Tim Jenkins
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Hey; it's only the Internet

I'm sure we can all find something more productive to do without it....

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Netflix teams with AWS to launch VHS-as-a-service

Tim Jenkins
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Re: Yes, Pre-warned

That was the joke story? Damn...

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Bongfire of Inanity: Jakarta rozzers enforce mass chill-out

Tim Jenkins
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Nice to see our Indonesian cousins are continuing the great LEA tradition of grossly inflating the value of seizures in order to perpetuate the myth of the War on Drugz.

(And there's no way that pile of herbal bricks is three tonnes...)

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ZTE's stealthy Nubia: China-made Google-free Android mobe

Tim Jenkins
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Re: Difficult to choose...

Google wants to monitor my life in order to push adverts at me, and the Chinese Government wants to prevent me from liberating Tibet

Of the two, I'm rather more worried by Google...

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Woman caught on CCTV performing drunken BJ blew right to privacy

Tim Jenkins
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Re: sigh!

On Channel 5 it would be a game show.

Working title: "Shafted!"

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Nesting falcons interrupt £200m Vodafone 4G mast upgrades

Tim Jenkins
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Raptor in the Middle

Already covered by RFC 6214

"...routing carriers through the territory of predatory carriers may potentially cause severe packet loss. It is strongly recommended that these factors be considered in the routing algorithm used to create carrier routing tables. Implementers should consider policy-based routing to ensure reliable packet delivery by routing around areas where territorial and predatory carriers are prevalent..."

http://tools.ietf.org/html/rfc6214

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AUTOPILOT: Musk promises Tesla owners a HANDS-OFF hands-on

Tim Jenkins
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"...It doesn't mean you can fire your chaffeur..."

but you should be able to outsource them to a remote chaffeuring facility in India ; )

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Watching porn makes men BETTER in bed, say trick-cyclists

Tim Jenkins
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"Watching porn makes men BETTER in bed"

- just not when there's someone else there?

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LOHAN unleashes 'waiting for the FAA' collector mug

Tim Jenkins
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Re: What is the actual hold up?

Possibly something on the lines of an aversion to having a bunch of foreigners, some bearded, and all with very strange accents, gathering on a US aeronautical facility to carry out the last stages of a complex plan involving flying things, lots of which was discussed and refined in a very dubious internet forum by people with weird nicknames?

Just a thought...

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Lost WHITE CITY of the MONKEY GOD found after 500 years

Tim Jenkins
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"...The exact location is not being revealed..."

unless they forgot to turn off the GPS-tagging on their phones...

(http://gizmodo.com/5965295/vice-magazine-just-accidentally-revealed-where-john-mcafee-is-hiding)

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Revival of fortune: Mad Catz Mojo Android gaming micro console

Tim Jenkins
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FTFY

"But if you are looking at something like Facebook on a 42-inch TV you may as well just l̶̲̅o̶̲̅g̶̲̅-̶̲̅i̶̲̅n̶̲̅ ̶̲̅t̶̲̅h̶̲̅r̶̲̅o̶̲̅u̶̲̅g̶̲̅h̶̲̅ ̶̲̅C̶̲̅h̶̲̅r̶̲̅o̶̲̅m̶̲̅e̶̲̅ GET A F*CKING LIFE!"

Sorry; it's been a tough day...

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Hello Barbie: Hang on, this Wi-Fi doll records your child's voice?

Tim Jenkins
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Re: A chill just went up and down my spine at this....

So, another encrypted channel for those wicked people to use in plotting the supremacy of the Caliphate; has someone told the P.M. about this?

(Actually, the thought of a bearded fundie whispering his fiendish plans to Barbie in order to communicate with his co-conspirators is just too precious to miss...)

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Windows 10 for phones: Stepping towards the One True Windows

Tim Jenkins
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Re: Do you feel that highlander?

'One Windows' always brings to mind a different movie (/book/radio-series/animation/game/lego)

Ash fitog durbatulûk, ash fitog gimbatul,

ash fitog thrakatulûk, agh burzum-ishi krimpatul.

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Apple Watch 'didn't work on HAIRY FANBOIS, was stripped of sensor tech'

Tim Jenkins
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Re: Really?

"...medical research that states that regular masturbation is good for you..."

The NHS recommends "breaking up long periods of sitting time with shorter bouts of activity for just one to two minutes", so there's a use for the countdown timer function too...

(http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/fitness/Pages/sitting-and-sedentary-behaviour-are-bad-for-your-health.aspx)

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Boffins baffled by the glowing 'plumes' of MARS

Tim Jenkins
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"...outlawed smokers..."

Nah; they've obviously just moved on to vaping....

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WhatDaHell, WhatsApp? Student claims 'stalker' tool shows security flaws

Tim Jenkins
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Enough with the pics of 'photogenic' females to illustrate these stories, please; it's getting embarrassing.

More firearms on piles of cash would be fine, though...

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M0n0wall comes tumbling down as dev throws in the trowel

Tim Jenkins
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"m0n0wall should be celebrated, not ridiculed"

Damn right - we used it for years on our Guest network (running for months on end hosted on an antique PII) and only retired it because the newer OSX devices started interpreting its captive portal function as a hostile interception - an Apple change rather than a failing in m0n0wall itself...

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Got $600 for every Win Server 2003 box you're running? Uh-oh

Tim Jenkins
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Re: Over a barrel.

A nice barrel too: 4" Colt Python, I reckon...

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Wanted: Brit Facebook and Twitter trolls for counter-jihad psyops

Tim Jenkins
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This 77 designation

How about 'the 1001101st' ?

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Tim Jenkins
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Re: Call me old fashioned

"...let Tommy Robinson loose..."

Misread that as 'Tony Robinson', and thought "That's a bit harsh on archaeologists, but I guess it might work" ; )

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Tim Jenkins
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I though exactly the same; struck me as either some kind of heavy-handed 'military humour' or a rather crass political decision within the MOD; it's not like it's hard to come up with a 'new' unit number, after all, and not try to draw a clumsy linkage between a genuinely ballsy unit of real warriors, and Twits

(and if we're going to do historical references, the Bible-verses-on-sniper-scopes thing did it better...)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trijicon_biblical_verses_controversy

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Tim Jenkins
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Terminator

Re: Call me old fashioned

===========================================================>

'nuff said.

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Why Windows 10 on Raspberry Pi 2? Upton: 'I drank the Kool-Aid'

Tim Jenkins
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Re: Embrace. Extend. Extinguish.

True, but they probably don't expect those devices to be able to digest a pirated Office 2003 CD or attach to their Argos-issue USB printer, which they did when they bought that temptingly priced netbook, took it home and found Lin-something-or-other on it...

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Google boffins PROVE security warnings don't ... LOOK! A funny cat!

Tim Jenkins
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Re: Attackers...

"You have just clicked on a Google AdWord-promoted site link which will happily charge you an 'administration fee' for an otherwise free UK Government or other service. But we don't care, because we got our cut. So go right ahead. It's fine. Honest. Look; we're Google, would we lie to you?"

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Can't afford a BMW or Roller? Just HACK its doors open!

Tim Jenkins
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Re: Was there something terribly wrong with using a key?

"...use them to open doors..."

Also recalcitrant floor traps and jammed RJ45 socket covers. Try that with a BMW fob...

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Drunk on Friday night? Then YOU probably DIDN'T spot Facebook's privacy tweak

Tim Jenkins
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"...copper-haired boydroid..."

PLEASE tell me that's his Oculus avatar ; )

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Spent the weekend watching Game of Thrones? You're a FAT LONELY SADDO

Tim Jenkins
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Re: Spent the weekend watching Game of Thrones? You're a FAT LONELY SADDO

"Not if you act it out"

Depends; is it a solo performance, and are you doing the Daenerys/Drogo scenes, or almost any part involving Theon's parts?

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Apple CEO: Fandroids are BINNING Android in favour of IPHONES

Tim Jenkins
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Re: Landfill

The whole "Landfill Android" tag is getting a bit out of date anyway. The £29.99 unit which I picked up for the Mrs at a certain blue-alien-promoted highstreet catalogue shop (I declined the 'mandatory' £10 top-up) is turning out to be perfectly viable for her browsing and messaging habits and even copes with iPlayer / Netflix. It's somwhat less than a 5" screen, but then she has very small hands...

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Wheeee! BT preps for FIVE HUNDRED MEGABIT broadband trial

Tim Jenkins
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Holy shokushu goukan, Batman!

2Gbs? That's one hell of a lot of tentacle-porn...

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'Revenge porn' bully told not to post people's nude pics online. That's it. That's his punishment

Tim Jenkins
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Re: What I do not understand..

Like the £36 I just got stung to get my address changed on a motor insurance policy, it was probably an 'administration fee'...

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Friends, Canadians, countrymen: Would you buy a GOLD PLATED BlackBerry Passport?

Tim Jenkins
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Re: Nice try...

Mr Ratner undersold his products. I've been wearing one of his infamous 99p 'gold' earrings ("...cheaper than an M&S prawn sandwich but probably wouldn't last as long...") through the side of my nose since the late 1980s, and it's yet to turn green and/or fall off. Neither, last time I checked, has my nose.

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YouTube flushes Flash for future flicks

Tim Jenkins
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Re: What's new?

And many of those sites helpfully offer you new versions of Flash to download and install before you can watch, just to be sure it works. Or so I'm told. By a friend. Obviously.

(Mind you, it's getting quite hard to see anything past all of these extra browser toolbars and full-screen pop-ups, so I could be mistaken)

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Google Translate MEAT GRINDER turns gay into 'faggot', 'poof', 'queen'

Tim Jenkins
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Does it turn

'coloured' into 'cringing apology'?

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Is it humanly possible to watch Gigli and Battlefield Earth back-to-back?

Tim Jenkins
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Re: I always

I always felt 'Sex Lives of the Potato Men' was deliberately misunderstood by the critics, largely due to Johnny Vegas taking the lead role. The same film starring Timothy Spall and with a Mike Leigh directors credit would have been hailed as a Palme d'Or candidate for being a "brave and gritty representation of underclass Britain", or some such tosh...

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