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* Posts by Tim Jenkins

235 posts • joined 30 Oct 2007

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Samsung launches 'perfect pair' of skinny mid-range phones

Tim Jenkins

Re: Serious omission there

I think that might be considered 'hands free mode', assuming your Honourable Member is in a sufficient state of arousal.

Don't even want to think what a 'Palm Selfie' is...

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Apple CEO Tim Cook: My well-known gayness is 'a gift from GOD'

Tim Jenkins

Re: I felt a great disturbance in the Force

Srsly? With their gold 5S units snugly encased in tight black leather? Camper than a field full of tents at a Scout jamboree...

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BAE points electromagnetic projectile at US Army

Tim Jenkins

"What's not to like?"

Germany winning on penalties. That's what...

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How to hit the top of Google's rankings: 'Use a new dot-thing gTLD'

Tim Jenkins

Re: $$$

Just speed up the inevitable and feed the root servers a dictionary or ten*, then allow every word in any language as a TLD. What could possibly go(dot)wrong?

I love that (dot)wang is now available as a gTLD (fnarr, fnarr), and the rest of the list (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Internet_top-level_domains#ICANN-era_generic_top-level_domains) has some other 'interesting' ones, apparently:

"The .ROCKS new generic top-level domain... is designed to channel the enthusiasm of millennial-generation youth. Individuals, bands, and youth-oriented businesses will all want to jump on board. .ROCKS is so widely applicable that it can truly be all things to all people. Geologists, of course, will be likely to register domains like igneous.ROCKS." (sic) (http://www.uniteddomains.com)

*I know it doesn't really work like that. Probably.

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Microsoft promises Windows 10 will mean two-factor auth for all

Tim Jenkins

Re: I worry when I see...

On the plus side, baked-in encryption would annoy the cr*p out of governments, polices forces and security agencies worldwide

(oh, wait, it won't, because it will be backdoored sooner than you can say RIPA ; )

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Disaster roster: OMG, are YOU SAFE? I dunno. Check Facebook

Tim Jenkins

Re: Here's a Thought

Presumably when you've finished twitching under a few tons of rubble (or the zombie horde has started to feed), your pulse-metering smartwatch will obligingly communicate with your FaceBurk App, updating your status to 'Deceased'...

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Moto 360: Neat gizmo – if you're a rich nerd

Tim Jenkins

Re: Just needs

Ah; attach a bit of sponge and use it to polish the car, you mean?

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Isis Wallet, NOT an Islamist militant group, reborn as Softcard

Tim Jenkins

Re: "In a bid to distance itself from a violent Islamist militant group..."

I refer you to the following:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/61579.stm

"...a retired naval pilot from Nipomo in California is being accused of the greatest feat of global manipulation ever. And all because his name is Al Nino... "

(love the 1998-vintage web page too ; )

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A-level results: Before you smile at that jump-for-joy snap...

Tim Jenkins

Re: Maybe...

Just an ability to communicate would be nice, preferably in full, coherent sentences without a rising inflection. Also, how about learning the difference in style, grammar and format between a business-related email and a text to a mate?

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Scotland's BIG question: Will independence cost me my broadband?

Tim Jenkins

Re: You must be joking

And the Sons bring the bonus of having a commander who can go from blonde and gorgeous to dark and bristly without anyone noticing.. . </nerd>

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Tim Jenkins

Re: Realism

Ah; the Salmond effect: as long as Alex repeats the magic mantra "everyone in the newly formed country will be able to get broadband" enough times, it will become true, along with keeping the Pound and the Queen (although I'm happy to concede on that last one, as long as they promise not to let any Windsors stray south of Balmoral ever again).

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You didn't get the MeMO? Asus Pad 7 Android tab is ... not bad

Tim Jenkins

Re: Intel Android

Netflix works fine on my Atom-chipped San Diego phone running ICS, but the iPlayer client still doesn't (some issue between 'droid on Atom and the underlying BBC media database thingy, apparently). Even Chrome was broken for ages on Android-Atom, then fixed, and now works OK except that the latest update from the Play store won't install (again). Some popular games also aren't compatible with this hardware/OS combination (Minion Rush, for example), and neither was Firefox last time I tried it. Hopefully as more Atom devices appear with Android on board, developers will start testing on them too.

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Dungeons & Dragons relaunches with 'freemium' version 5.0

Tim Jenkins

Re: starter pack

Just moving house and found mine, unopened, in the Basic box set, 'cos I splashed out on a set of 'jewel' dice when I bought it in about '82. The crayon's gone a bit flaky, though...

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Brit celebs' homes VANISH from Google's Street View

Tim Jenkins

Re: But, but, but...

Ooooh; I see what you mean. So the headline should really be 'Google Streetview Reveals Top-Secret Ferrari Cloaking Technology'. Cool.

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Tim Jenkins

Re: Remember.....

Wouldn't fancy standing opposite the blurry one in Connaught Square with a camera for too long; probably asking for an invitation to discuss the finer points of the rights of the citizen in a democracy, while undergoing a cavity search...

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Royal Navy parks 470 double-decker buses on Queen Elizabeth

Tim Jenkins

Re: Bust-up

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Routemaster puts the cost of a new RouteMaster (aka 'Boris Bus') as £354,000, so those 470 units would come in at about £170 million (assuming no discount for bulk).

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-26124894 gives the cost of an F35 at around £60m per plane (£150m+ if you allocate infrastructure, training, support etc.)

So, somewhere between 1 and 3 strike jets, or 470 buses. Now there's a strategic decision worth pondering, particularly if we could have ex-Gurkhas as conductors and Boris himself driving the lead vehicle through the gates of Kabul...

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El Reg is looking for a new London sub-editor

Tim Jenkins

Re: Sir

'Moonbat' lives in mid-Wales (I see him at our school gate every so often), so if he's getting paid at a London rate, he's doing OK ; )

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Facebook goes TITSUP across WORLD! Who will look at your cousin's baby NOW?

Tim Jenkins

Got to be fixed by 15:15

or the mums at our school gate won't know what to think...

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Women are too expensive to draw and code – Ubisoft

Tim Jenkins

Re: So which is it?

And £9.99 for the version with clothing that amounts to more than a bikini...

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TweetDeck XSS flap: Miscreants flash their naughty bits at users

Tim Jenkins

Re: This was bound to crop up eventually

In that case, 'doom' needs an SI unit. Can I suggest that from now on all degrees of doomedness be expressed in fractions or multiples of the size of wails?

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Texan parks quadcopter atop Dallas Cowboys stadium

Tim Jenkins

In our next bulletin: Dallas PD call a news conference to point out that this copter 'could*' have been carrying a dirty bomb / mujahedin / anthrax-infected-gerbil and start lobbying for their APCs to be equipped with SAMs (or at least quad .50s in a pintle mount).

* i.e. couldn't, but never mind. Well, perhaps the gerbil...

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US bloke raises $250k to build robo-masturbation device

Tim Jenkins

Re: Small, Medium, or Large?

Finally; a genuine use for all that Yahoo IM traffic which the NSA recorded...

("In one six-month period in 2008 alone, the agency collected webcam imagery – including substantial quantities of sexually explicit communications – from more than 1.8 million Yahoo user accounts globally" http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/feb/27/gchq-nsa-webcam-images-internet-yahoo)

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JJ Abrams and Star Wars: I've got a bad feeling about this

Tim Jenkins

Re: Yes, let's not

"You could at least be sure that Han shot first with Quentin at the helm"

Han would have execute(d) every motherf*cking last one of (them), accompanied by The Shangri-Las singing 'Leader of the Pack"....

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UK's pirate-nagging VCAP scheme WON'T have penalties – report

Tim Jenkins

Re: Sort out the pricing...

"took me a couple of months to watch them all"

Took me most of Season 1 on Netflix to work out that each episode was less than 50 minutes long when watched that way, as each 'hour' of 'real time' action in the TV broadcast included the advert breaks. Weirdly, I felt kind of cheated; it meant there were 4 hours we didn't get to see, presumably when JB got to shit and shower (but never shave)...

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Microsoft's Windows 8.1 updates also tweak Windows Server 2012

Tim Jenkins

Re: Don't need to reboot each time

"Such a simple addition should cause less confusion to new Windows Server 2012 users"

TBH, if your sysadmin can't find the way to restart or shut the thing down, however well hidden, then perhaps they're not the ideal person for that particular role. Maybe something like inventorising the office paperclip supplies...

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When ZOMBIES attack: DDoS traffic triples as 20Gbps becomes the new normal

Tim Jenkins

Re: Why Iran?

Presumably because Iran has been under trade embargo of varying degree, particularly relating to US companies, since the Islamic Revolution of 1979, and so any Microsoft OS located there is likely to be of somewhat dubious origin.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/U.S._sanctions_against_Iran

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NSA's TURBINE robot can pump 'malware into MILLIONS of PCs'

Tim Jenkins

Re: I invite the US and the other 5 eyes partners...

"My religion consists of the 4-B's... Babes, Beaches, Beer, and BBQ"

Your interrogation regime* will therefore consist of Ann Widdecombe in a micro-bikini, serving you warm Kaliber lager and cold Linda MacCartney sausages on a replica of Blackpool seafront in November.

* Illegally renditioned UK citizens only. Feel free to substitute other methods where culturally appropriate.

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UK spies on MILLIONS of Yahoo! webcams, ogles sex vids - report

Tim Jenkins

Re: Translation:

"Hey, lookee here! Tits!!!!"

Nope; that's not the body part(s) in question; they deemed it to be 'undesirable nudity', remember?

On the other hand*, research into penile recognition technology should now get an unexpected infusion of Government cash (and another use for those airport full-body scanners too)

*or in the other hand. YMMV.

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This tool demands access to YOUR ENTIRE DIGITAL LIFE. Is it from GCHQ? No - it's by IKEA

Tim Jenkins

The IKEA 'Splosh': now available with 4 or 6 drawers in a range of colours

I get all my kitchen design inspiration from the web, as they are frequently the location for video entertainment which highlights the importance of sturdy worktops, robust cupboard handles and wipe-clean surfaces.

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Why 2014 might just be the year of the Google Chromebook

Tim Jenkins

"There were some great netbooks out there"

'Great' can be anything that meets your perceived needs for an acceptable price. My wifes requirements for web access, email and a little light Office on the sofa while watching TV are adequately met by her Asus netbook running Win 7 Starter, particularly after I'd cracked it open and installed a non-netbook-spec extra gig of RAM. My 'needs', on the other had, are fulfilled by the quad-core monster upstairs with SLI GPUs and screen the size of a barn, 'cos some of those zombies have really small heads...

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Mosquitoes, Comets and Vampires: The de Havilland Museum

Tim Jenkins

Re: The Mossie

"the Mosquito's greatest asset was it's wooden airframe that gave it lightness and subsequent speed advantage over all metal designs"

Perhaps not so good in some other theatres though; my grandfather, who was a photographer with an RAF recon unit in Burma, had a lovely story about two Mossies arriving there, only to be eaten by the local insects before they could be suitably housed...

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BT network-level STOCKINGs-n-suspenders KILLER arrives in time for Xmas

Tim Jenkins

Re: "strict", "moderate" and "light".

"All I want for Christmas is a VPN connection outside of blighty"

Mine costs under $3 pcm, now I've paid for a year in advance, and as a bonus I can switch to US Netflix and carry on enjoying My Name is Earl from a portable device while the Wii keeps feeding the kids iPlayer habit...

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Chester Cathedral smites net in Wi-Fi SMUT OUTRAGE

Tim Jenkins

That's most of the History curriculum b*ggered, then...

Example from https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/national-curriculum-in-england-history-programmes-of-study/national-curriculum-in-england-history-programmes-of-study

*the development of Church, state and society in Britain 1509-1745*

Renaissance and Reformation in Europe

the English Reformation and Counter-Reformation (Henry VIII to Mary I)

the Elizabethan religious settlement and conflict with Catholics (including Scotland, Spain and Ireland)

the first colony in America and first contact with India

the causes and events of the civil wars throughout Britain

the Interregnum (including Cromwell in Ireland)

the Restoration, ‘Glorious Revolution’ and power of Parliament

the Act of Union of 1707, the Hanoverian succession and the Jacobite rebellions of 1715 and 1745

Try researching that lot with the filters for weaponry, racially insensitive language, political bias, religious intolerance and sexual misconduct switched on...

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BROADBAND will SAVE THE ECONOMY, shriek UK.gov bods

Tim Jenkins

"It's all a ploy from Cardiff"

And hence the pavement outside our exchange, in a small (pop 2,100) market town in mid-Wales is already marked up for DSLAM and PCP cabinets, due for deployment in March next year according to the rather lovely map at http://www.superfast-cymru.com/where-and-when

Yes, the rollout of FTTC in Wales required a bung of £200 million to BT (http://wales.gov.uk/newsroom/businessandeconomy/2012/6778963/?lang=en), but the same would only buy rather less than 2 miles of HS2 or about 2% of an Olympic Games, and I know which will affect my household more...

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'A measly 3 Instagrams? NO!' Sexy selfie Snapchat spurns Facebook's $3bn

Tim Jenkins

Re: Reality Vs. 3 billion.

"...reality will come crushing down..."

Like the reality that, out of the 350 million images A DAY they claim are flowing through their servers, a fairly massive number are highly likely to be illegal in most jurisdictions, and sooner or later some publicity-seeking politico is going to go for the obvious headline...

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Planet hopper: The Earthly destinations of Doctor Who

Tim Jenkins

"with a more recent increase in trips to Wales"

Llanfairfach, 1973, "The Green Death"

Jon Pertwee, the Brigadier, Giant Maggots...

First episode to actually scare me sh*tless (or so I'm told; I was only 4 at the time)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Green_Death

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'Please, steal my phone' TV ads by T-Mobile US slammed by legal eagles

Tim Jenkins

Re: I have a question for these morality crusaders.....

Happily, TV has also taught us that almost any crime, no matter how convoluted or how long ago it was committed, can be solved in less than an hour* by using a montage sequence / holographic reconstruction / 'reformed' serial killer / psychic consultant or almost anyone with OCD.

(*except in Scandinavia, where it takes approximately forever, but with better backing music)

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Turkish TV presenter canned for flashing too much cleavage

Tim Jenkins

Re: Cultural

Not just cultural; there was a lovely interview on Radio 4 about a decade ago where an RAF pilot was struggling to reconcile his flying missions over Iraq to protect Kurds (the 'no-fly-zone', if you remember) from the same airbase where Turks were flying to cluster-bomb them (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kurdish%E2%80%93Turkish_conflict).

Turkey also still fails to recognise the Armenian Genocide (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Armenian_Genocide), the event which the word 'genocide' itself was created to describe...

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Apple hires streaming vid bloke: Nurse, the corpse of Apple monster telly is twitching again

Tim Jenkins

Re: TV is Already Bad Enough, Even Apple Cannot Make It Worse

I don't get all this TV-hatred. Why not choose to watch things you like (for me, almost any BBC2 popular-music documentary or BBC4 history programme, for example, which, together with Radio 4, entirely justifies the 40p that the Beeb costs our household a day), and ignore the rest as just not being to your taste?

Multi-channel television is like food; consume the bits you enjoy and don't wander round the supermarket complaining about all the other stuff* on the shelves, 'cos that makes you look like a nutter.

* such as anchovies. and peanut butter. and relish. and prawns. and those olives that have those bits of pepper in (I mean; why do they even do that?). and bovril. and coleslaw.

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Feds smash internet drug bazaar Silk Road, say they'll KEELHAUL 'Dread Pirate Roberts'

Tim Jenkins

Re: Hello

and if we're doing quotes, '"don't get high off your own supply" goes back at least as far as '83, in 'Scarface'

Frank: "Lesson number one: Don't underestimate... the other guy's greed!"

Elvira: "Lesson number two: Don't get high on your own supply. Of course, not everyone follows the rules... "

Can't think what they were referring to, though, as no-one could buy drugs before Tor/Bitcoin, could they?

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WD unveils new MyBook line: External drives now bigger... and CHEAP

Tim Jenkins

Re: Stupid design

Damn right; an unbelievably bad form factor to house an external drive, and one which leaves it absolutely guaranteed to terminaly malfunction if knocked over while spinning (I've had three brought to me after such an occurance). Despite this, they are almost always to be seen balanced on their thin end just inches from the owners mouse-hand. For a designer to look at something with the shape and mass of a 3.5" HDD and then choose to box it like this almost beggars belief (and the new case seems to have 'feet' on the narrow end, just make it even more likely that it will be orientated in its most vulnerable position). Outstanding...

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Biz bods STILL don't patch hacker's delight Java and Flash

Tim Jenkins

Probably not Flash, but may well have been Shockwave; the full version of the installer STILL installs other software by default (either Norton Security Scan or Chrome at the moment, but it varies over time).

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BT doles out measly 2GB to customers in Dropbox-alike BT Cloud

Tim Jenkins

Re: I'm setting up a rival service!

"intimate details of your sordid sex life"

Isn't that what Tumblr is for?

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Reports: NSA has compromised most internet encryption

Tim Jenkins

Re: Really?

"So are they saying here 1-in-5 applicants knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who once went to a radical Mosque somewhere?"

Presumably particularly true if you're trying to recruit young male Muslims, who by definition would be the most useful assets to acquire. Kind of like trying to sign up young male Catholics in Belfast or Derry during the '80s and then rejecting everyone who ever lived in the same street as / went to school with / was related to a Provo...

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Think your smutty Snapchats can't be saved by dorks? THINK AGAIN

Tim Jenkins

"if we get a generation where everyone has naked pictures of themselves floating around the internet then perhaps we won't get quite so hung up about nudity"

except that quite a lot of that generation are under 16 when they take those pictures, which potentially makes the 'producers and distributors' and anyone 'in possession' of them guilty of very serious offences...

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Wii U sales plunge: Nintendo hopes Mario and Zelda will shift some kit

Tim Jenkins

Re: I'd quite like a WiiU, for the kids,

"...for the kids..."

And there's the problem; "kids", plural. The great thing about multiplayer on the original Wii was that each kid could have access to an identical (and not ruinously expensive) controller. With the U, Nintendo lost that selling point and left parents like us imagining the fights which would ensue over who gets their hands on the 'real' Gamepad, and who just gets 'the stupid sticks'. Add in the fear that the (very expensive) pad would get broken in one of said fights, and you end up with a 'family' console which only looks suitable for adults...

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Typical! Google's wonder-dongle is a solution looking for a problem

Tim Jenkins

Re: rubbish!

Yup; it's all about easy and cheap remote-controlled internet consumption on that big, non-SMART, living room screen (i.e. whatever was £399 from Argos/Tesco at the time).

"For those few homes without a laptop next to the TV, and there aren't many left... then yes, there's a convenience factor.".

Really? I've NEVER been in a British family living room where a laptop was plugged into a TV, but then perhaps Andrew and I inhabit rather different social circles. Sky / Freeview box and DVD or VCR (remember those?), certainly, XBox/PS3/Wii probaby (though often relegated upstairs), BluRay or PVR possibly, but never a laptop. Even now many typical cheap lappies don't do HDMI-out, or don't have the welly to drive a big display if they do, and anyway, the Sky remotes don't work on them and who wants that kind of extra exercise? It's a long way from the sofa...

At least the GoogleDongle (tm) works by talking to an app on a phone which a lot of people already own and use. I'll be tempted myself, once our lovely SCART-only CRT finally accelerates its last electron into a phosphorescent layer (try and tell the young people today that and they won't believe you).

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Australia threatens Adobe, Apple, with geo-blocking ban

Tim Jenkins

Re: Make VPNs legal?

"Those recommendations suggest Australia:

Educate Australian consumers and businesses on how to circumvent geoblocking and what it will mean for their rights"

such as the 'right' to bypass that pesky Government-mandated pr0n filter the Aussies seem so keen on?

(a definite candidate for nomination in this years Claire Perry award for Clear Logic On Technology)

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PHWOAR! Huh! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing, Prime Minister

Tim Jenkins

Re: Children are getting far more access to pornography ... and it's not doing them any good at all

Well, when I was a teenager, porn was either softcore UK magazines, the occasional smuggled A5 glossy (always handy for French and Germany vocabulary practice) and, later, grainy VHS of assorted Europeans weeing on each other, which we assumed was a cultural tradition of some kind and may have explained the failure of town-twinning schemes throughout the 80's. Now our intertubes can deliver Brazilian transsexuals fellating ponies at 16Mb/s to screens which can be held in one hand, I think we can safely assume that (outside of certain Dutch retail outlets) there's at least the potential for rather wider availability and variety in most homes than in those days.

As to the harm it's doing, I think that's probably harder to say, but at the very least we're setting up future generations of boys with largely unrealistic expectations, possible inferiority complexes and likely lower fertility rates owing to confusion about what gets inserted where. I'm rather more worried about the effect on the girls though, as they're the ones who are going to have to explain the difference between fantasies acted by professionals and the emotions involved in real-life interactions to those (often quite literally) misguided males...

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Tim Jenkins

Re: There is an upside

"Parents will NEVER be able to stop teenage boys insatiable desire for pron."

Very true. What they WILL need to do, however, is have an even more tricky conversation than our parents did with us. Never mind the 'birds and bees', it will have to cover one birds two bees, bi-bees, older birds with younger bees, BILFS, beehiving...

Or possibly something on the lines of; "Son; it's entertainment, and frankly the chances of you ever finding anyone who will actually do that sort of thing with you are rather less than finding an articulated lorry that will turn into a giant sword-wielding robot. Sorry about that. Now go wash your hands."

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