* Posts by Tim Jenkins

264 posts • joined 30 Oct 2007

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US Navy's LASER CANNON WARSHIP: USS Ponce sent to Gulf

Tim Jenkins

Re: It was named after the explorer Juan Ponce de León

Presumably Leon was his 'friend' ; )

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Cloud Printing from a Chromebook: We try it out on 8 inkjet all-in-ones

Tim Jenkins

Re: How did this become a thing?

...a great replacement for a simple ethernet/usb cable...

No way; I paid PC World £19.99 each for my 'network cable with gold-plated connections' and my 'high speed printer lead', and I'm damn well going to get my money's worth...

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Assange's WikiLeaks: Give generously this Xmas – for STATUE of our DEAR LEADER

Tim Jenkins

My Lord, I have a cunning plan

Commission statue of JA, bring statue to embassy for photo opp, leave statue in embassy, remove bronze-painted JA under noses of SC&O19, ship to Ecuador in big packing case...

Might not work so well at USDB Leavenworth, but we could give it a go.

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The Great Unwatched: BBC hails glorious digital future for Three

Tim Jenkins

Re: Tristram.

I will happily listen to (and pay for) any number of "documentaries about moss" on Radio 4, preferably presented by Michael Portillo, Lord Bragg or Baron Winston. I'll even listen to Melanie Phillips complaining that it was anti-semitic...

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Tim Jenkins

Obital eccentricity centered on Inverness-shire, traced to underground source

"...publishing an animated interview with the mother of a victim of a domestic abuse straight after 'Murdered By My Boyfriend'..."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Reith,_1st_Baron_Reith

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Oi, UK.gov. WHERE'S THE DETAIL on your Google Tax?

Tim Jenkins

"...having the potential to unlock "radical" change...."

Presumably the 'radical change' being which model of luxury SUV your average 'tax barrister' will be able to drive to their place in the Cotswolds once the court cases start arriving...

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#Gamergate folk load flamethrower, roast own feet over GTA V 'ban'

Tim Jenkins

Re: Sigh.

So what was it that made us do that, then? I'm guessing subliminal messages in Blue Peter...

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UK slaps 25 per cent 'Google Tax' on tech multinationals

Tim Jenkins

Re: So its not VAT

Hmmmmmm; do I upvote for a cunning pun, or downvote for implied misogyny ?

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Brit smut slingers shafted by UK censors' stiff new stance

Tim Jenkins

"Mummy, what's fisting ?"

"It's what Daddy does on Saturdays, down by the lake, with the other men in big rubber boots"

Oh, no, wait....

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FBI warns of disk NUKE malware after Sony Pictures megahack

Tim Jenkins

...making a fresh leap forward on all fronts...

Meanwhile, Rodong Sinmun has a splendid picture of E̶r̶i̶c̶ ̶C̶a̶r̶t̶m̶a̶n̶ Kim Jong Un (possibly raising his own 'fierce wind') on its front page today (http://www.rodong.rep.kp/en/), but sadly returns zero results on searching for 'Sony'...

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EVIL US web giants shield TERRORISTS? Evil SPIES in net freedom CRUSH PLOT?

Tim Jenkins

Terrorist / Freedom Fighter?

I'm sure Uncle Vlad would be delighted to find out who chatters on FB from a Russian I.P. about his little incursion into Ukraine, just so his chaps can pay them a visit and make sure they are not planning anything naughty, like disagreeing with it in any way. Likewise the Chinese and those misguided HK democracy activists, Free Tibet campaigners or followers of religious 'cults'. Then there's the current Thai regime and the rabble-rousers making dangerous gestures from a bad sci-fi movie, various Gulf States regarding the promotion of womens rights and religious tolerance, the caring and sharing rulers of assorted 'stans and anyone they're not actually related to, geriatric kleptocracies across Africa and local LGBT campaigners....

All those potential 'terrorists'; it's going to get busy out there....

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Blade Runner sequel might actually be good. Harrison Ford is in it

Tim Jenkins

"....Ms.Young's current appearance...."

Not half bad, IMHO

http://www.zimbio.com/photos/Sean+Young/Jug+Face+Portraits+2013+Sundance+Film+Festival/D_UDelfcbrX

(and how could I have forgotten that she was in 'Dune' too? Oh, yeah, right...)

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Assange™ slumps back on Ecuador's sofa after detention appeal binned

Tim Jenkins

"...the really dangerous people on the streets..."

such as the poor sods in SC&O19 who have spent the past couple of years polishing their G36s and staring at that monstrosity of a building:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Embassy_of_Ecuador,_London#mediaviewer/File:Ecuadors_London_embassy_-_September_26,_2012.jpg

I mean, those twirly bits on the balconies are going to start looking like eyes after a while...

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Useless 'computer engineer' Barbie FIRED in three-way fsck row

Tim Jenkins

Re: MEN!

A quick visit to her brothers Action Man / GI Joe collection and voila, Peshmerga Barbie

http://www.theguardian.com/world/gallery/2014/oct/09/kurdish-peshmerga-fighters-women-on-the-frontline-in-pictures

(Showed my daugher those pictures and she cheered; I must be doing something right...)

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You'll go APE for our new Gorilla Glass 4, Corning reckons

Tim Jenkins

A random sampling* at our school gate would suggest that a combination of Iceland-mum curves, over-optimism about jean sizes, and Samsung devices stored in back pockets is a significant factor too...

(*carried out purely in the name of science, of course)

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Britain's HUMAN DNA-strewing Moon mission rakes in £200k

Tim Jenkins

stiff "lunar littering" fine

Not to mention the possible repercussions if Small Clanger were to get his little pink knitted paws on all that human cloning material…

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Mozilla SELLS FIREFOX MOBILES ... in Greece

Tim Jenkins

Fixed that for you

Mozilla ATTEMPTS TO SELL FIREFOX MOBILES ... in Greece

First sale yet to be confirmed.

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UK PM Cameron says Internet must not 'be an ungoverned space'

Tim Jenkins

"We take orders from the Queen of Australia"

So what are Dame Edna's views on the Qur'anic justification for jihad and the establishment of the Worldwide Caliphate?

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Moshi Monsters' daddy Mind Candy: Falling sales, £2.2m loss...

Tim Jenkins

"...nothing for the early users who grew up..."

Yup - both of ours had subscriptions for a while, but now one is surgically attached to her smartphone and the other is on Minecraft (or rather watching other people play Minecraft on YouTube, which is apparently just the same, duh, Dad). Not a word of protest when I cancelled the recurring payments, which, to be fair, Mind Candy does make very easy. Now, if only I could get back those AOL ones...

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Hey, Apple! We can land a probe on a comet, but we can't have a 12.9in iPad 'until mid-2015'?

Tim Jenkins

"...a picture of a rainbow apple logo close up..."

There hasn't been a rainbow on the Apple since the return of Steve J and the start of the iMac era, more than 15 years ago. Do try to keep up ; )

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Is your kid ADDICTED to web porn? Twitter? Hint: Don't blame the internet

Tim Jenkins

"I also don't see any involvement of the internet"

Mobile communication, particularly via cellphone, but extending into other devices, IS heavily implicated in Rotherham and other recent cases, though. The ability of the groomers to reach into the childrens lives at any time of day or night using the handset they have given them has become a significant controlling influence which wouldn't have been possible in previous generations, limited as they were to a single (and probably monitored) landline in a care home or other institution.

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All but full-fat MS Office to be had on iPads, Droidenslabben for NOWT

Tim Jenkins

"they're not old enough to grow beards"

Quite a high proportion of them aren't entirely equipped to grow beards at any stage; something to do with x's and y's, from what I dimly remember about O-level Biology (always got that bit confused with Algebra, which could explain my dire Maths A-level result). Does that mean they don't ever get to use Linux, even if it came in pink?

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Boxing clever? Amazon Fire TV is SO CLOSE to being excellent

Tim Jenkins

Re: WiFi?

I suspect it's not just the thick walls that attenuate wifi; after encountering several otherwise inexplicable not-spots inside modern or recently converted buildings, I'm wondering if the increasing presence of metallised film on higher u-value plasterboard, and/or those foil coated bubble-wrap insulation blankets that get nailgunned into thinner internal stud-wall voids are having an effect too.

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Million Mask March: Anonymous' London Guy Fawkes protest a damp squib

Tim Jenkins

" Socialist Worker placards, Palestine flags and weed-smoking trustafarians"

You left out the inevitable group of short-haired chaps in black hoodies and shiny boots who, shortly before starting the ritual kicking-in of the window of the Mc Ds opposite Horse Guards, are usually to be found clustered around an older guy with the unusual nickname of 'Sergeant '...

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Tim Jenkins

"bored youth knocking over bins and squaring up to the Old Bill"

And receiving a very restrained (and possibly quite sensible) response, judging from those pics and the Buzzfeed movies and comparing with similar events in my own misspent youth. No armoured robocops visible (just a few helmeted serials in hi-vis), no drawn batons, no blinders (sorry 'torches'), no face-flattening round shields, no kettling for an hour or five. Maybe the Met is over-budget for clubbing hysterical Italian LSE 'anarchists' by this point in the year....

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Antares apocalypse: Orbital points finger at turbopump FAIL

Tim Jenkins

Re: "the Antares rocket was detonated by the range safety officer"

Might have done. I did miss some of it while in the queue for the hotdogs ; )

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Tim Jenkins

"the Antares rocket was detonated by the range safety officer"

And to think our local fireworks display was boasting about the £2,500 they spent last night.

Mind you, their wizz-bangs lasted longer. And with more colours. And they had those cool ones that whistle as they spiral, which was more than that Antares did...

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BBC clamps down on ILLICIT iPlayer watchers

Tim Jenkins

Re: Smart TVs too

My supposedly 'smart' Toshiba (about a year old, though admittedly end-of-line at the time) which was sold with BBC/iPlayer logos plastered all over its box, stickers and paperwork, now seems unable to digest the new iPlayer format using its inbuilt app, and just hangs on its loading page. No sign of a firmware update on the manufacturers support website, and given their past record, I don't particularly hold much hope for one. Doesn't exactly inspire confidence in iPlayer-on-a-device. Interestingly, both Netflix and Youtube HAVE managed to maintain compatibility with this model despite significant revisions to their own offerings.

Happily, it's only just occurred to me that the Sky+ HD box has an iPlayer client, which I've never got around to firing up...

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Samsung launches 'perfect pair' of skinny mid-range phones

Tim Jenkins

Re: Serious omission there

I think that might be considered 'hands free mode', assuming your Honourable Member is in a sufficient state of arousal.

Don't even want to think what a 'Palm Selfie' is...

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Apple CEO Tim Cook: My well-known gayness is 'a gift from GOD'

Tim Jenkins

Re: I felt a great disturbance in the Force

Srsly? With their gold 5S units snugly encased in tight black leather? Camper than a field full of tents at a Scout jamboree...

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BAE points electromagnetic projectile at US Army

Tim Jenkins

"What's not to like?"

Germany winning on penalties. That's what...

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How to hit the top of Google's rankings: 'Use a new dot-thing gTLD'

Tim Jenkins

Re: $$$

Just speed up the inevitable and feed the root servers a dictionary or ten*, then allow every word in any language as a TLD. What could possibly go(dot)wrong?

I love that (dot)wang is now available as a gTLD (fnarr, fnarr), and the rest of the list (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Internet_top-level_domains#ICANN-era_generic_top-level_domains) has some other 'interesting' ones, apparently:

"The .ROCKS new generic top-level domain... is designed to channel the enthusiasm of millennial-generation youth. Individuals, bands, and youth-oriented businesses will all want to jump on board. .ROCKS is so widely applicable that it can truly be all things to all people. Geologists, of course, will be likely to register domains like igneous.ROCKS." (sic) (http://www.uniteddomains.com)

*I know it doesn't really work like that. Probably.

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Microsoft promises Windows 10 will mean two-factor auth for all

Tim Jenkins

Re: I worry when I see...

On the plus side, baked-in encryption would annoy the cr*p out of governments, polices forces and security agencies worldwide

(oh, wait, it won't, because it will be backdoored sooner than you can say RIPA ; )

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Disaster roster: OMG, are YOU SAFE? I dunno. Check Facebook

Tim Jenkins

Re: Here's a Thought

Presumably when you've finished twitching under a few tons of rubble (or the zombie horde has started to feed), your pulse-metering smartwatch will obligingly communicate with your FaceBurk App, updating your status to 'Deceased'...

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Moto 360: Neat gizmo – if you're a rich nerd

Tim Jenkins

Re: Just needs

Ah; attach a bit of sponge and use it to polish the car, you mean?

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Isis Wallet, NOT an Islamist militant group, reborn as Softcard

Tim Jenkins

Re: "In a bid to distance itself from a violent Islamist militant group..."

I refer you to the following:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/61579.stm

"...a retired naval pilot from Nipomo in California is being accused of the greatest feat of global manipulation ever. And all because his name is Al Nino... "

(love the 1998-vintage web page too ; )

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A-level results: Before you smile at that jump-for-joy snap...

Tim Jenkins

Re: Maybe...

Just an ability to communicate would be nice, preferably in full, coherent sentences without a rising inflection. Also, how about learning the difference in style, grammar and format between a business-related email and a text to a mate?

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Scotland's BIG question: Will independence cost me my broadband?

Tim Jenkins

Re: You must be joking

And the Sons bring the bonus of having a commander who can go from blonde and gorgeous to dark and bristly without anyone noticing.. . </nerd>

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Tim Jenkins

Re: Realism

Ah; the Salmond effect: as long as Alex repeats the magic mantra "everyone in the newly formed country will be able to get broadband" enough times, it will become true, along with keeping the Pound and the Queen (although I'm happy to concede on that last one, as long as they promise not to let any Windsors stray south of Balmoral ever again).

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You didn't get the MeMO? Asus Pad 7 Android tab is ... not bad

Tim Jenkins

Re: Intel Android

Netflix works fine on my Atom-chipped San Diego phone running ICS, but the iPlayer client still doesn't (some issue between 'droid on Atom and the underlying BBC media database thingy, apparently). Even Chrome was broken for ages on Android-Atom, then fixed, and now works OK except that the latest update from the Play store won't install (again). Some popular games also aren't compatible with this hardware/OS combination (Minion Rush, for example), and neither was Firefox last time I tried it. Hopefully as more Atom devices appear with Android on board, developers will start testing on them too.

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Dungeons & Dragons relaunches with 'freemium' version 5.0

Tim Jenkins

Re: starter pack

Just moving house and found mine, unopened, in the Basic box set, 'cos I splashed out on a set of 'jewel' dice when I bought it in about '82. The crayon's gone a bit flaky, though...

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Brit celebs' homes VANISH from Google's Street View

Tim Jenkins

Re: But, but, but...

Ooooh; I see what you mean. So the headline should really be 'Google Streetview Reveals Top-Secret Ferrari Cloaking Technology'. Cool.

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Tim Jenkins

Re: Remember.....

Wouldn't fancy standing opposite the blurry one in Connaught Square with a camera for too long; probably asking for an invitation to discuss the finer points of the rights of the citizen in a democracy, while undergoing a cavity search...

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Royal Navy parks 470 double-decker buses on Queen Elizabeth

Tim Jenkins

Re: Bust-up

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Routemaster puts the cost of a new RouteMaster (aka 'Boris Bus') as £354,000, so those 470 units would come in at about £170 million (assuming no discount for bulk).

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-26124894 gives the cost of an F35 at around £60m per plane (£150m+ if you allocate infrastructure, training, support etc.)

So, somewhere between 1 and 3 strike jets, or 470 buses. Now there's a strategic decision worth pondering, particularly if we could have ex-Gurkhas as conductors and Boris himself driving the lead vehicle through the gates of Kabul...

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El Reg is looking for a new London sub-editor

Tim Jenkins

Re: Sir

'Moonbat' lives in mid-Wales (I see him at our school gate every so often), so if he's getting paid at a London rate, he's doing OK ; )

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Facebook goes TITSUP across WORLD! Who will look at your cousin's baby NOW?

Tim Jenkins

Got to be fixed by 15:15

or the mums at our school gate won't know what to think...

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Women are too expensive to draw and code – Ubisoft

Tim Jenkins

Re: So which is it?

And £9.99 for the version with clothing that amounts to more than a bikini...

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TweetDeck XSS flap: Miscreants flash their naughty bits at users

Tim Jenkins

Re: This was bound to crop up eventually

In that case, 'doom' needs an SI unit. Can I suggest that from now on all degrees of doomedness be expressed in fractions or multiples of the size of wails?

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Texan parks quadcopter atop Dallas Cowboys stadium

Tim Jenkins

In our next bulletin: Dallas PD call a news conference to point out that this copter 'could*' have been carrying a dirty bomb / mujahedin / anthrax-infected-gerbil and start lobbying for their APCs to be equipped with SAMs (or at least quad .50s in a pintle mount).

* i.e. couldn't, but never mind. Well, perhaps the gerbil...

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