* Posts by Tim Jenkins

415 posts • joined 30 Oct 2007

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ZX Spectrum Vega+ will ship on time, developer claims amid doubts

Tim Jenkins

Oh cr*p, we ARE back in the 80s

A Spectrum being delivered on time? Nah; we'd have a female Tory PM, a socialist Labour leader and the Liberals going nowhere before that happens...

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Australian border cops say they've cracked 'dark net' drug sales

Tim Jenkins

“910 doses of an amphetamine type substance, 380 LSD doses and 72 capsules and 15 grams of MDMA

So about a weeks consumption in a regional nightclub. Phew. I'll bet the citizens of Oz feel safer already...

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You should install smart meters even if they're dumb, says flack

Tim Jenkins

Re: Some important fire safety advice

We are on economy 7 too, and do run the washing machine overnight. Quite agree with you about tumbledriers though; a 3 kilowatt heater full of lint is basically a time-fuse...

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US Marine Corps to fly F-35s from HMS Queen Lizzie as UK won't have enough jets

Tim Jenkins

Re: I miss not having Lewis around to comment on this

I was assuming he's currently paddling a black canoe up the Tigris with a Fairbairn–Sykes in his teeth...

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Apple: Crisis? What innovation crisis? BTW, you like our toothbrush?

Tim Jenkins

"...I don’t find this at the school gate, where £100-£150 Fitbit and Garmins rule the roost..."

At our school gates, parents don't wear watches. If they need to know the time, they ask Facebook. If they need to know where they are, they ask Facebook. If they need to know what to think, they ask Facebook. If they need to know their heart rate, they ask, oh, wait, why would they want to know that?

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Apple killed OS X today and binned its $10,000 BlingWatch too

Tim Jenkins

Re: So that's cutting edge design then ?

"the primary function of the jeans, that is keeping... your underwear hidden"

N.B. Does not apply to school-gate mums.

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Tesla driver dies after Model S hits tree

Tim Jenkins

Re: standard operating procedures

Uh, what's a 'milk float'?

Actually, being a 60s kid, I know, but my kids wouldn't have a clue: some kind of cocktail, perhaps?

P.S. One entry from the Tesla 'First Responder' guide (https://www.tesla.com/en_GB/firstresponders):

"Warning: Handling a submerged vehicle without appropriate PPE can result in serious injury or death."

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'Hey, Elon? You broke it, you bought it' says owner of SpaceX's satellite cinder

Tim Jenkins

TANSTAAFL*

*'Launch', of course...

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'I'm sorry, your lift has had a problem and had to shut down'

Tim Jenkins

Re: Thanks for the migraine

Dennō Senshi Porygon*

*The Pokemon episode in '97 that made hundreds of Japanese kids fall over.

Then the strobing segment was repeated in TV news reports of the incident later that day...

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Watch SpaceX's rocket dramatically detonate, destroying a $200m Facebook satellite

Tim Jenkins

Re: Bugger...

Really big stir-fry, while watching the video on a loop?

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Labour's Jeremy Corbyn wants high speed broadband for all. Wow, original idea there

Tim Jenkins

"It is not fair the people living in London can enjoy 4G... where in many parts of Wales people can't even get a single bar"

It's also not fair that people living in, I don't know, say Finsbury Park, can enjoy the Royal Opera House, Regents Park Zoo, the Natural History Museum and the Tube, when here in Wales, I can't.

I look forward to a brave new Socialist future where, under the enlighted rule of Comrade Jezza, we all get to host them in turn, just like the nice young SWP chaps in the pub say is our democratic right...

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Notting Hill Carnival spycams: Met Police rolls out real-time live face-spotting tech

Tim Jenkins

Maybe it's because it's Friday

but I'm very much enjoying the distinguishing biometric features of the young lady in the picture.

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Robot babies fail in role as teenage sex deterrents

Tim Jenkins

Re: Baby dolls not dissuasive enough

"...In other words, it was a training simulator that built their confidence that they could deal with it...."

Don't know about the more modern robot ones, but in our school the simulated babies of the time were issued to the, um, 'less able' contingent, presumably because they were judged most likely to procreate before failing their CSEs. I guess it's not entirely unreasonable to suggest that having the simulosprog survive the designated time period (I think they had embedded frangible capsules to indicate if they had been thrown against a wall) might actually have encouraged the recipients to generate a real one...

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Windows Phone dives into irrelevant-like-BlackBerry territory

Tim Jenkins

In this bit of the real world

Yesterdays 'Guest' DHCP, which is essentially a record of tourist visitor devices, showed 41 'droids, 37 iPhonze* and 6 Winthings, for a 49 / 44 / 7 % breakdown. I think I saw a Blackberry appear on there once...

*probably a bit inflated by the Japanese student group who appeared to own matching sets of airs, phones, pads and pods. There's probably also a skew towards Apple owners because we charge for admission ; )

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McDonald's launches wearable then pulls it after kid feels the burn

Tim Jenkins

Mmmmmm; contextual advertising

In my FF, the banner advert at the top of this comments page is now for McD 'BBQ Smokehouse Range with smokey BBQ sauce'. Sadly, no hazardous 'lectronic crap appears to be involved...

2
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Penetration tech: BAE Systems' new ammo for Our Boys and Girls

Tim Jenkins

Re: Not selling ammo to civilians

Never encountered stray dog walkers on Century, but the most memorable afternoon was shooting Long Rang Pistol there* when bullets started zinging overhead; turned out someone to our right and a few hundred yards further back had a badly adjusted optic on an AR15, and was bouncing rounds off the track in our direction. We did ask for permission to return fire (those in the 'Free' class firing .308 could probably have reached out and touched quite effectively), but the R.O. wasn't amused...

* or possibly Siberia; it was nearly 30 years ago, I shudder to realise ; (

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Tim Jenkins

Fullbore indoor pistol ranges were always a bit on the toxic side; the hole under Court Garden Leisure Centre in Marlow comes to mind. Lots of soft lead wadcutters impacting steel baffles, with a suspiciously heavy dustpan when sweeping up.

Having said that, it was always the noise that felt more hazardous, particularly when the chap with the Mauser C96 was in; the muzzle crack from 7.63x25 is not nice to be alongside....

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Tesla autopilot driver 'was speeding' moments before death – prelim report

Tim Jenkins

"THIS IS A TRUCK"

With the bonus that it's easily hackable with some whitewash, by blanking off the T and modifying the R to an F ; )

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Bot-herders fire fake GPS co-ords at Niantic to collect Pokémon

Tim Jenkins

Re: Damn

30 is too fast to count towards the walking you need to do to incubate eggs, though.

Did see one tip that suggested leaving the app running while at your desk, and GPS drift will add some metres to the necessary kms, but that's not working for me so far...

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Tesla's Model S autonomous mode may have saved a life

Tim Jenkins

Great for divorce lawyers

Nice to know that Teslas log so well, and transmit back to the mothership for safekeeping. I'm looking forward to the first court case where it is demonstrated that

at time x, vehicle on route from location 'office' diverted via cashpoint (bank record below) at low speed through warehouse district y and continued with additional passenger (seat adjusted) to secluded area of carpark z (ANPR image attached). Vigorous motion detected for seven minutes (rear shock reset, aircon increased) while vehicle stationary, followed by ignition of heat source in cabin (particulate filter enabled). Passenger returned to location y (weight decrease noted), then vehicle returned to location 'home' via late-night florists (googled).

O brave new world

That has such (tech) in't...

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It's not our fault we don't hire black people, says Facebook

Tim Jenkins

Re: Not sure

I don't think you're supposed to say 'both genders' now. Did they not cover that in the lecture, or were you laughing too much to hear?

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Facebook ‘glitch’ that deleted the Philando Castile shooting vid: It was the police – sources

Tim Jenkins

Re: disturbing

"...apparently victim had told him he had a licensed concealed weapon before shooting and cop then asked for ID..."

I'm wondering if that was the cause right there; person in car announces to officer that 'I have a gun' or something similar (meaning 'I have a legally carried concealed weapon')*, while reaching for permit/licence, but officer hears the one word 'gun', sees the movement, draws and fires. Doesn't make the event any less tragic, doesn't mean racism wasn't a factor, but possibly worth considering.

*There are lots of tips online about dealing with a traffic stop while posessing a legal weapon:

"The following phrase is commonly recommended “Officer, I want to let you know that I have a concealed carry permit in this state and am currently have one on my person. How would you like me to proceed?” Notice we said ‘have one on my person’. This is very important, as the last thing you want is another officer coming up on the other side of your vehicle and the first thing he hears is GUN."

http://concealednation.org/2013/07/traffic-stop-while-carrying-concealed-what-to-do-if-youre-pulled-over/

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Isis crisis: Facebook makes Bristol lass an unperson

Tim Jenkins

Re: Isis

Or her parents were Dylan fans.

There's a cracking clip of him performing 'Isis' during the 1975 Rolling Thunder Review (presumably filmed for 'Renaldo and Clara') that does the rounds on various video sites. One suspects that facepaint might not have been the only white powder backstage...

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Brexit-bored Brits back to bashing the bishop after ballot box blues

Tim Jenkins

'someone was searching on the internet for soft porn'

Featuring gentlemen in a state of flaccidity, perhaps?

Rule 34. Natch.

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UK's education system blamed for IT jobs going to non-Brits

Tim Jenkins

"Also lets be honest, IT is a mugs game, we all know it"

Very true. I currently have at least six mugs on my desk. Two feature Kenny from South Park, and contain about a dozen mini screwdrivers (none of a useful size), some PCI slot blanking plates, two WAP aerials, superglue tubes (partly used), cable ties, wire twists, HDD rails, dead flash drives with mismatched caps, badly crimped CAT5 plugs, dodgy SATA leads, and a tiny scale model of an Uzi SMG. Another, with a rather nice 90s 'smiley' logo, houses my collection of fake £1 coins (107, at last count). Three are coffee reaching various states of solidification, including one with blue-green fur growing on it, and a trapped spoon. There are probably more under the monitor shelf, but I'm a bit reluctant to investigate...

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Air-gapping SCADA systems won't help you, says man who knows

Tim Jenkins

We get our air delivered in little plastic bags; it's free if you order small components that arrive in big boxes, and having it pre-bagged means it's much easier to cram into the cabinets.

Having said that, I suppose it could be Chinese air...

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Linus Torvalds releases Linux 4.6

Tim Jenkins

Re: What happens when Linus dies?

"Finn," Sally said, then tilted the flask and swallowed, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, "you gotta be crazy. . . ."

"I should be so lucky. A rig like this, I'm pushing it to have a little imagination, let alone crazy."

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A UK-wide fibre broadband investment plan? Don't ask awkward questions

Tim Jenkins

Nope, my hope is that OpenReach actually get around to terminating the fibreoptic they strung and pulled all over this bit of mid-Wales almost exactly one year ago. There's kilometres of their black-with-a-yellow-stripe visible, coiled up on poles, leaning against walls, hanging off broken brackets, left on drums by the roadside...

£425 million public money, 1 tender from the ex-state monopoly supplier. What could go wrong?

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Uninstall QuickTime for Windows: Apple will not patch its security bugs

Tim Jenkins

Re: WTF!

Bonjour is a requirement for using networked FileMaker* (also an Apple product, though not really marketed as being so).

*I know; the answer would be not to use FileMaker, and I wish I didn't have to...

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Windows 10 debuts Blue QR Code of Death – and why malware will love it

Tim Jenkins

Re: Come on MS. Please tell us who thought that this was a good idea?

"I put up a QR code for our guest wifi access at work"

We tried them here. It turns out that while many people recognise they have something to do with a smartphone camera, that's the limit of their knowledge, so while a handful of folk who had a QR app installed prior to arrival could use them successfully, the rest just ended up with a nice picture of a blotchy box in their Gallery to remind them of their visit...

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You can't dust-proof a PC with kitchen-grade plastic food wrap

Tim Jenkins

Re: Positive Air Pressure

" A quick vacuum from the outside does the job, you could even tell the cleaner to do it, it's pretty fool proof."

Except the cleaner is 100% guaranteed to either

a) crash computer by pulling plug to power industrial vacuum machine

or (slightly smarter facility hygene operative)

b) plug industrial vacuum machine* into empty socket next to computer, thus tripping circuit

*floor polishers are also good for this, as we discovered by correlating our regular teaching PC lab failures with the caretakers weekly rounds...

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When Steve Jobs was away, Apple's designers snuck out a penis-shaped remote control

Tim Jenkins

Re: See a doctor...

or ask your wife; she may prefer one that needs batteries...

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Woman scales Ben Nevis wielding selfie stick instead of ice axe

Tim Jenkins

Re: Fucking moron

"...30+ degrees most of the way up and dropped to below 0 during the last few hundred metres ascent..."

Yup, been there; it's one seriously weird mountain. Early summertime walk, set off accompanied by bright sunshine and pleasant warmth, was in full waterproofs, hat, gloves and ski goggles (on account of the driving ice particles propelled by the galeforce wind) at the top. Staggered down out of the zero-visibility zone to encounter a foreign tourist (German, natch) heading up garbed in the proverbial t-shirt, shorts and sandals, equipped with a sandwich and pack of crisps in a carrier bag. Guess he might be still up there somewhere...

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US Marine Corps launches hacker support unit

Tim Jenkins

Sound off, one, two..

This is my iPad

This is my Sun

This is for surfing

This is for precomputing tables allowing the reversal of cryptographic hash functions where the initial salt value was insufficiently large

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Dodgy software will bork America's F-35 fighters until at least 2019

Tim Jenkins

Re: A boondoggle through and through and now ejection seats are also a problem?

"...there's no credible enemy for whom this is an appropriate defensive tool...."

See next week's Daily Fail, where Cody Wilson will be revealed as having released 3D printer files for a MiG-35...

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Govt: Citizens, we know you want 10Mbps. This is the last broadband scheme for that

Tim Jenkins

Re: All homes and businesses can now access basic broadband at speeds of 2Mps

I'm assuming I'm reading the sync speeds on all four of our business ADSLs wrong, because I'd swear they say 1.1 - 1.6 Mbs inbound (which all the graphs say is correct given the attenuation over 5km of copper). Maybe we've moved closer to town without anyone telling me...

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Telling your wife why you were fired is the only punishment

Tim Jenkins

Re: Maybe they were right

Just wondering, in this kind of situation, is it worse explaining to the wife that they were pictures of her, or of someone else?

Asking on behalf of a friend. Obviously.

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UK to stop children looking at online porn. How?

Tim Jenkins

Re: Naff all use

" It's not something you purchase off a specific shelf on the way back from school."

At least one of the 'anonymous' VPN service providers allow payment via gift cards bought for cash in highstreet shops*. US-only at the moment, but I can see that changing...

*AKA 'mall outlets', I believe.

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This Android Trojan steals banking creds and wipes your phone

Tim Jenkins

Re: Darwin is calling

"The only times I've ever turned on unknown sources was to install the Amazon app"

The official National Lottery app also requires 'unknown sources' to be enabled, because apparently Google 'doesn't allow any real money lottery apps in its store' (https://www.national-lottery.co.uk/android/installation)

Or so I'm told. By a friend. Obviously. Ahem...

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Zero. Zilch. Nada. That's how much Netflix uses its own data centres now

Tim Jenkins

Re: Netfix is at the mercy of Amazon

"Do you really think Netflix is paying by VISA via an AWS account?"

No, but they'll be buggered when the member of staff who signed up for the AWS account leaves, and they realise no-one else in the office knows what their first pet was called...

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Assange will 'accept arrest' on Friday if found guilty

Tim Jenkins

Re: What are the odds looking like?

Wonder what odds I could get on him departing via glider off the roof.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colditz_Cock

(which could also be his new nickname...)

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Research: By 2017, a third of home Wi-Fi routers will power passers-by

Tim Jenkins

Re: Leeches

I think the deal is that if you opt-out your own router from providing BT Wifi (which you have to do through your BT online account management, rather than on the router as used to be possible), you lose the credentials to use all the other BT homehubs which have their BTWifi SSIDs switched on by default (5 million+, they claim).

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Major Hollywood studio eyes Paint Drying sequel

Tim Jenkins

Basil Brush

is unfortunately unavailable; apparently the Yewtree chaps are interested in having a chat with him about his post-television career teaching English to orphaned kittens in Thailand...

Boom, and indeed, boom.

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Land Rover Defender dies: Production finally halted by EU rules

Tim Jenkins

Many happy hours on long journeys

spent poking things through the vent flaps and machinegunning oncoming cars.

These days there's probably an app for that.

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999 What's your emergency: Mega millions Met call handling IT muckup?

Tim Jenkins

Mind you, being able to summon up an F16 or B2 in response to a 999 call would bring a whole new angle to the concept of 'high impact' policing...

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PDF redaction is hard, NSW Medical Council finds out - the hard way

Tim Jenkins

Re: Yet another way to get it wrong...

I once had to point out to a senior member of university staff that removing the identity of a student from the body of a 'sensitive' document didn't entirely prevent said individual from being identified if the footer showed a file path ending in a folder that was labelled with the students name...

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BBC risks wrath of android rights activists with Robot Wars reboot

Tim Jenkins

Re: One man and his dog

Or when researching the nocturnal visual capabilities of medium-sized domesticated mammals: 'do goats see in the dark?'

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Lower video resolution can deliver better quality, says Netflix

Tim Jenkins

...scenes with fast-moving objects, quick scene changes, explosions and water splashes...

Every Pirates of the Caribbean outing, best watched at a resolution of anything you like, provided all the pixels are permanently set to #000000.

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New gear needed to capture net connection records, say ISPs

Tim Jenkins

"...costs of... ...making it available when plod wants to snoop through it...".

Much cheaper for the girls and boys in blue to wait until the ICR data stores get exfiltrated / torrented, and fish through it then, surely?

Austerity, we're all in this together, etc, etc...

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Kids' TV show Rainbow in homosexual agenda shocker

Tim Jenkins

For even younger viewers, MDMA was a drug once favoured by "mum and dad" but has now been supplanted in popularity by 'orrible pills and powders spewing out of Chinese fertiliser factories, which is why we can still use the 'Just Say No' approach with you, even though we clearly didn't say No when we were your age...

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