Customer on the 'phone, I'm the build manager for our company which was also a VISP. Being technical, I was also second-level support for the VISP arm.
Customer: Your <expletive> Internet is down again!
Me: I'm showing no outage at present. Do you mind checking a few things for me before I call our datacentre?
Customer: I need my e-mail for my business! I'm losing <expletive> money here!
At this point we launch into a diagnostic session where I find that her modem is connected to the fax line, the modem is responding nicely to AT commands and the PPP setup is correct as far as I can tell. Customer is getting increasingly vehement that our dial-up is mams vertical, although my console says it's fine.
Customer: <long trail of expletives randomly laced with other words that make no sense>
While she's swearing at me, I'm on the other line to BT checking her fax line. BT faults comes back with a very interesting cause. Back to line 1 where she's still expounding on my ancestry, habits and probable fate.
Customer: My business is suffering because of your <expletive> incompetence! You're a <expletive> and I'm going to sue you for loss of earnings!
Me: Have you tried paying the bill for your fax line recently?
Cue tumbleweeds. Sometimes you're the statue, occasionally you're the pigeon.