* Posts by Paul Young

45 posts • joined 20 Oct 2007

Is this the world's dirtiest PC?

Paul Young
Paris Hilton

I had one once

PC was in the cutting room at a diamond producer

I've never seen so much junk in it, no diamonds, just congelled, oily gunk

Pasir, Well thinking of dirty, eerm, sush!!


Brit robo-sub dives to 3.5 miles on seabed volcano quest

Paul Young

6k depth is nothing

Woods Hole OI do better

6.5K depth


anon incase they remember be on the Knorr last year


Boffins fail to detect Moon's strangeness

Paul Young

My Comment needs no title

NS elaborates: "Any strangelets present would curve less in the magnetic field than normal matter - but none was observed."

Now. Did anyone observe them hiding in between the normal matter?

As theoretical particles and known particles tend to mingle (they do, you all know it)

the actual "normal Matter" may have hidden the strangelets.

I'm off to join the "campaign to free hidden strangelets" (c)


Boffins in 'let's create black holes in the lab' jape

Paul Young

@ AC 15:14 GMT

"an array of superconducting quantum interference devices, or SQUIDs, should be placed inside a magnetic field-pulsed microwave transmission line."

Well I mean it's obvious really.

You owe me a new keyboard... thanks!


Lad passes gruelling 'getting on bus' test

Paul Young
Thumb Up


I couldn't even pass a blood test, let alone a bus test

Thats one clever kid there, he'll go far


Les Paul dies at 94

Paul Young

I Need a job

RIP Mr Les Paul

A Toast to the worlds greatest

I Salute You Sir


Swine flu will [enter scare words here]...

Paul Young
Black Helicopters



Looks like they want use to catch it

who'd a thought it, maybe they want a "large" number of the population to die

Naaa couldn't be..... could it?


Zaphod Beeblebrox home sun 'shrinking', may have blown up

Paul Young

Why can't they...

Just go and buy a new star, piece of cake.

They sell bags of them at Tesco, not too much £1.69 I think

Then get someone to stick it back up on the Blue/Black wrapper around Earth

All this talk of a universe, anyone would think there was something more important than my computer.



US team create carbon nanotube ultra-memory

Paul Young
Thumb Up

May I be the first

to welcome our tiny tiny, almost never forgetting, nanolords


Toddler snaps up mechanical digger online

Paul Young

My Kid

at 1.5 years could change the desktop setting of his mums laptop so he could see it upsidedown !

He is now 2 (and a bit) and will happily sit and use a laptop mouse to scroll and point at

the correct letters and numbers on a program aimed at 5 year olds.

He hasn't quite mastered a real mouse but given time he will & I will bet

when he becomes an MP, his expenses will be a doddle.

I give you...... Tristan Calum Young or TC for short

If you search him he's first in google, where do I get..... nowhere


Darling supports broadband by raiding Granny's digital fund

Paul Young

@ Flatspot

Hmmm thanks for that

Thing is both houses are only 2 years old and there is only one Master Socket in the building

No extns, we both have cordless phones.

I have a wireless router and he has a wired router.

We have researched the problem, and BT "DID" confirm that he could only have a 1meg connection.

Paul Young

Broadband Speeds

I always wonder why (distance from exchange?)

I get a very stable 8Meg connection with Eclipse

and my nextdoor neighbour gets an unstable 1Meg connection from BT

The distance from the exchange can't be more than 250 Metresand our

drop wires come off the same pole !!

Bt have told my neighbour that 1Meg is the best he can get



Failed Nork rocket bits straddle Japan

Paul Young

@ amanfromMars

This is quite possibly the only post from you that I have EVER been able to understand.

Does this mean I am having a stroke or something worse?

Doctor there's something wrong with my head, I can understand amanfromMars posts!


Brit, French nuke subs collide - fail to 'see' each other

Paul Young

I hope they were not equiped


Guidance systems running on VISTA


Gmail adds location-aware signatures

Paul Young

What LABS Tab?

I looked and I don't see a LABS Tab

So Where is it then


Suffolk braces for 300mph winds

Paul Young

@ Tim

By Tim Posted Wednesday 21st January 2009 14:04 GMT

Us Norfolk types can cope with a little rough weather. Though I will make sure that it is safe and warm indoors for my wife and sister. She does feel the cold after all.

So let me get this right....

You married your Sister?

And I thought West Cornwall folk were wierd!

just cold, wet and windy here, brrrrrrrr


Fantasy author hired to pen Doom 4 plot

Paul Young

There is a story to DOOM!!

WTF, I thought it was just KILL everything!

Now EL Reg, I'm really pissed off...

1. that I could find my copy of Final Doom in less than 30 seconds

2. that I couldn't find office or xp disks when i looks yesterday

Gonna play a few rounds right now, what were the cheats again.....

ohhh yeah "iddqd" Hmmmm

Buggered up my Saturday night again EL Reg



Tories pledge high speed broadband for all in 10 years

Paul Young

My Vote

Vote for me.

By Anonymous Coward Posted Tuesday 6th January 2009 15:19 GMT

World-leading Gigabit ethernet to EVERY house in the UK by the end of my term in office, closed source software out of the military and government systems in the same time frame.

Legalised, regulated & taxed prostitution, drugs, etc- if you don't like it, don't use it. No-one's forcing you to. But the new tax, expenditure by tourists and substantially lowered policing costs are helping pay for your broadband.

Provisions for motorway speed limits to be increased, or for the creation of unlimited "fast lanes".

A defence of "bullshit accusation" in some cases; doing 110 in a sports car in the dry on an empty motorway is safer than doing (or trying to do) 70 and cutting in between cars on the M6 when it gets busy. Merely breaking the speed limit is a fine (nothing neccesarily wrong with your driving, but you broke the law and got caught), driving like a fool even under the speed limit will get you endorsements on your license.

More nuclear power, with the waste shipped off to a foreign land or used to provide low-level heating or something. So a small "Carbon Footprint" and a decent amount of fuel, giving more time for renewables to get to a practical efficiency.

More money for computing and engineering in schools

The mandatory teaching of evolution as a demonstratable fact (though some of the finer details may be a little blurred) with non-religion-specific creationism mentioned (as in "Before evolution, most cultures believed in "creationism" or "intelligent design". You'll learn about those beliefs in RE class.")

Rights to privacy in the home secured and defended, right to privacy in public would be essentially destroyed.

Daily drug tests on prisoners- they may be legal on the outside, but you're in here for punishment- we're not going to let you escape into your own head.

You've got my vote.... where do I sign up


Dell restructuring puts 2,000 Limerick jobs under threat

Paul Young

I just made a ditty

Was I the only one who thought that Limerick and Dell deserved one?

There was a young guy with a dell

The computer was built in hell

The processor died

The monitor fried

And the batteries torched the factory as well


Nortel shares sink on titsup fears

Paul Young


Perhaps I'll get fewer problems with BCM's then


Entire class fails IT exam by submitting in Word format

Paul Young
Paris Hilton

Cut & Paste

Why can't the pupils just Cut & Paste into the right format, or save their work

as the type of document required?

Or maybe they are only taught about M$ Word



9 hilarious election tweets worth remembering

Paul Young
Paris Hilton


I never heard that term before

now I wish I never had


PH - I bet she's heard of it


Net-talking toaster to burn news onto bread

Paul Young
Paris Hilton


At least this will make some news stories easier to digest!!

Will it be able to put Paris on my toast, think of the fun!!


Aussie has answer to save Earth from asteroid attack

Paul Young

@ Steve Glover & @ Andy Barber

@ Steve Glover

Roy Orbison is already dead!

Maybe he came from Pluto anyway

his music was pretty much for aliens

@Andy Barber

They might have got something to visit an asteroid, orbiting it and

deploying cling film is a very different problem.

It would be pretty cold up there, the cling film would freeze in which case

even peeling the bloody stuff off the roll would be impossible.

Like I said

Easier to let Bruce Willis deal with it

At least Armageddon had "some" plausable physics (although not much)

The coat with the shares in the clingfilm maker in the pocket

Paul Young

Exactly How ....

... Are you supposed to wrap an asteroid in friggin cling film?

And my surname used to be D'Souza, luckily my mum changed it when

I was 10 years old.

I have enough trouble wrapping a bloody left over piece of meat, to keep in the fridge for a few days.

Someone needs to consider the problem here...

This is not theoretical physics, it's practically in-plausable physics.

<1> Locate Asteroid (It'll be up there somewhere)

<2> Hire Bruce Willis & friends (they have experiance with asteroids)

<3> Find an absolutly giant roll of cling film (Lets Say, 330m x 660m)

<4> Develope a vehicle capable of carrying said roll of cling film

<5> Then add to vehicle a way of despensing massive cling film

<6> New vehicle sits in orbit and watches

<7> Fucking big piece of rock hits earth

<8> Atmosphere evaporates into space

<9> Huge tidal waves swamp the planet

<10> New cling film space vehicle departs earth orbit for the Klingon Empire

Am I missing something here?

She claims to be using something orbiting the asteroid, has this

technology already been invented/deployed?

If the thing is gonna be near us in 2011 then we need someone to start

ordering the cling film from Lidl or Aldi or even the local car boot does

400m rolls @ 50cm wide.


Can I have my coat please, the one with the cling film in the pockets.


Phreakers seize government phone system

Paul Young

What Title?

I bet it was a Siemens HiPath System

Easy for installers to forget about v/m security

I had a client a couple of years ago that was hacked over 2 weekends

it cost them next to £20k.

The UK.GOV use some Siemens stuff in the FCO

I wouldn't underestimate the power of an engineering password!!

Coat please, the one with all the Siemens Passwords in the pocket



Dog collared with Cat-5 cable

Paul Young

I've got CAT5 Cable everywhere

My washing lines, camera links from the CCTV and even .... oh never mind, I was dreaming about the last one.

Mines the one with CAT5 stitched on the back in 4 colours!


MPs urge action as spooky caller ID-faking services hit UK

Paul Young

As a telephone engineer I've come across this

As the title says

I've recently heard of people recieving calls from supposed confidential

contact lists, claiming to be from a certain company.

I've had, probably 20, "faults" this year relating to spoofed Caller ID's

They seem to be coming from overseas, as you can trace them on ISDN

well at least I thought I could!!!

I always tell the customer never to answer personal or company info, an to call the number back and verify the call.

maybe now it's going to get a whole lot worse.

When I see an 08xx number on my home phone, I tend to ignore it

but the corporate world answer every phone call.

I recently took a call from my local garage, well so I thought

It ended up being from a insurance company that were using a "LOCAL"

number to try and solicite business.

Absolutly Shocking

This should be stopped NOW



World economy group gives IPv6 big push

Paul Young

Death of IPv4

"They've" been warning about lack of IP addresses since 2002

Is there a constant alarm ringing at an IPv4 server someplace?

IPv6 is all well and good but I was at a seminar recently that

pointed out the IPv6 will be out of addresses by 2013

My personal thought was that IPv6 would last well into 2025

Please can I have my coat, the one with IPv8 is the future sequined on the back


Top-end Fords will be watching your rear

Paul Young

Will this help any


Judging by the standard of driving in Cornwall

Almost every day the following happens....

1. Some idiot pulls out when it's not their right of way

2. Some OLD tw@s can't see me (must be my small car)

3. Same OLD tw@s weave all over the road

4. NO-ONE in Cornwall can drive if there is snow/ice/water etc

5. Cornish drivers DO NOT know how to use indicators

6. Young drivers are driving way too powerful cars (I guess they didn't inform the insurance of the mods)

7. Lack of required maintenance of a vehicle

8. OLD tw@s parking on road junctions (to do their shopping)

9. We have narrow roads in Cornwall, PULL THE FU*K OVER YOU IDIOTS

10. Using mobile phones while driving (EVEN THE OLD tw@s)

11. Women drivers doing their makup (as if is would make a difference) Ugly Cornish wenches

12. Women drivers cleaning the windscreen on the A30 at 70MPH

13. Unrestrained children standing on the rear seat

14. Unrestrained children laying in the bloody boot

15. Mothers feeding children on their laps, at 50 MPH, someone else driving

16. Cars designed for 5 people having 8 to 10 in them

17. Old tw@s not being able to understand what a roundabout is used for

18. Idiots flashing their lights at you for no apparent reason

19. Old tw@s pulling up if you get to within 200 feet of them to let you pass !!!

20. The complete idiot with his Laptop on top of the dashboard trying to negotiate major roadworks and hitting about 50 cones!!!

I give up

Our life insurance has been increased because I think that there are too many idiots on our roads.


BTW I drive a huge Ford Galaxy in metalic blue, which can't be missed unless your blind.

Any "Cornish" tw@s reading this, Get your ass to an advanced driving course ASAP

When I get the oppertunity I'll quite happily drive into any one of you that thinks they own the road !!!!!!!!!

Stuff Radar, the Cornish need basic training/road skills first


Arthur C. Clarke dead at 90

Paul Young

Gone to a better place

RIP Mr Clarke


Europe hits one million FTTH broadband connections

Paul Young

I wish we had sewers

Where I live, there is no mains sewer

We have to have a great big tank burried in the garden to

enable us to flush out toilet.

I can't see a techie cable guy turning up any time soon

to get in there with a few thousand gallons of Sh1t.

Then install a microwave tower to get fibre to our house!!

Although the pipe to it is only 40M

And another thing, when the fibre comes out of the toilet

are they really gonna put a box nearby with "DO NOT PISS ON THIS"

Another flash in the pan idea!!


eBay boycott results in mixed feedback

Paul Young

I love Ebay

So what if they've put their prices up

Have you all noticed that everything is getting more expensive?

I don't see anyone moaning about rising petrol or bread prices!!!

I've been using ebay for years now

Both my wife and myself buy and sell on the site

I've NEVER had a major problem, only one slight glitch

I buy and sell all sorts of things, high and low value no problems

The drop shippers from China do confuse the searches slightly

but if you want a bargin, you can find one.

I've purchased from China on a number of occasions and never

had a problem.


Cops hunt charred power cable thief

Paul Young

Switching Cabs 3 Phase & Vaporisation

When I worked for a Power Control company a few years ago

We had a cab returned to us that an engineer had been standing in....

Said engineer inserted a 24" Screwdriver between two 30KV bus bars

The cab had been returned for investigation.....

I can still remember the smell and the sight of melted person all over the

walls and door.

The thing is with these cabs they were "SAFE" when the door was open

Stupid idiot had closed the door and was using a torch and a screwdriver

to tighten up a loose screw for the current meter on the outside.

He should have got a Darwin Award

Needless to say the cab was returned after rebuild to.... wait for it...


Nuff Said

Mines the coat with the none conductive layer


IT tackles benefit cheats

Paul Young


I have a friend that has recieved quite a few Benefit Overpayments!!

They usually "ask" for the overpayment back but as it is their fault

they cannot demand re-payment.

I think last year his overpayments were approx £600


German police hunt 12,000 strong child abuse ring

Paul Young
Dead Vulture

@umacf24 UK Value of F

From the list I have covering the UK there are approx 25 female names

only 7 of which had valid cc details authorised.

I wonder if they got raided?

This is approximate as trawling through 7200 names isn't easy

The number of MP's is interesting and some look like real transactions


Acute virus outbreak hits Tristan da Cunha

Paul Young

My wife is from Tristan

We got married there in 2002

I heard this on the news at 7am and wondered about it!!

I called my Mother in Law and she confirmed the problem

they are at least asking for help in advance of a major outbreak

I've just done an interview on the BBC regarding the outbreak

they'll be fine


Ugly view mars Windows Vista birthday

Paul Young
Thumb Down

Unhappy to report

I've suffered major software problems with Vista

Not my option to purchase the bloody thing

ended up buying more XP licenses to get things working again

Stuff Vista for a very long time!


Drunk US man asks drunk son to take the wheel

Paul Young

@ triky

Is this aimed only at Americans?

Quote "they don't have the brains to work a shift gear while theý are shit faced (excuse my french)".

I can drive perfectly while shit faced.... My wife will testify to that as I can get

the car into the drive no matter how much I've had to drink.

Proved by the fact that she crashed my car while totally sober, while trying to

enter our driveway

That said, I would never condone drink driving

I have a clean licence thanks to the incompetance of the police trying to

do me for drink driving a few years ago.

Don't tell anyone but they didn't bother to turn up at court and for some reason

their evidence was (missing/faulty/suspect/un-admissible)

Judge threw threw it out straight away


FAST cracks down on pirates near Penzance

Paul Young

Redruth is a bit too close for comfort

He only lives 10 miles away from me!!!

I need a t-shirt with THE FEDERATION on it

in a Star Trek Font

Oh Well


Beer better than water: Official

Paul Young
Thumb Up

A big thankyou for this research

Right thats me sorted then...

Next time I'm at the gym, I'm taking a four pack with me

Riding those cycles that tell you how many calories you've

just lost can kiss my ass.

I'll replace the lost calories with beer. The machine can't win.

As for weights, half a can between machines should make

sure I don't get too de-hydrated



US tech industry backs Buffalo in Wi-Fi patent spat

Paul Young
IT Angle

Wanna Buy Some WiFi Kit?

To All you Americans out there

I can sell you all the 802.11a and 802.11g Kit you require

Let me know your requirements and I will happily send it

with a customs declaration of GIFT!

Can't say fairer than that can I?

I've recently noticed that our local school has removed all it's WiFi equipment and installed some CAT 5 Cabling!

<Nice Touch>

Actually I've got so much WiFi junk sitting around, I'm Thinking of dumping the lot at a Car Boot tomorrow.

£2.00 for a Router

£0.50 for a Wireless Network Adapter

All Proceeds to our local school

It would be a safer community, without all this Radio Interference, now wouldn't it?


California teen offers GPS challenge to speeding rap

Paul Young

My Satnav never agrees with my speedo

I have a TOMTOM in my car and the speed display NEVER displays

what my speedo says.!!

I Wouldn't trust my satnav....

Also I used to have a Garmin Etrex thingy (Useful for storing points of interest)

The speed display on that was wildly inaccurate until I sat on a ship for 2 weeks......

Then the speed was VERY accurate, 15 blinking Knots 7 days each way.

Good fun going in a straight line on the ocean for 7 days!

At least the Bar was open for 2 hours a day

Just my thoughts


eBay employee 'torpedos' fraud trial

Paul Young
Thumb Up

I love Ebay, Can't really fault it

I've been on ebay since Jan 2002, I have bought & sold, all over the world.

I have only 1 neg feedback against me and that was in retaliation so I don't

think it counts.

The American buyers make things interesting as they don't understand I'm

not living next door to them and can't figure out what "£" means.

Selling to Americans' is usually entertaining

My Buying Tips

1> Always check out the feedback of the person you are buying from,

2> Always compare with others selling the same thing

3> Always wait, never buy on impulse

4> Always read the description FULLY

I'm currently toying with the idea of selling a 42" Rear Projection TV

I don't consider it a risk to sell or buy high value items from Ebay



Ships pollute more than planes

Paul Young
Paris Hilton

I have a theory

If there are 90,000 really big ships on the oceans

Can anyone tell me how much sea level would drop if they

were all taken out of the water??