What's in it for me?

I f I were to be a wannabe Martian and be lucky enough to be chosen, the sponsors are going to be making billions allowing the world population to watch me taking a dump on Mars; what will I be getting out of the one way trip to a planet with nothing on it to buy? Other than the opportunity to make one small dump for a man, one great (potential) environmental impact for Marskind.

I suppose guaranteed payments to the family back on Earth might make it interesting but going to spend the rest of your life, however long or short that may be, in the depths of space or on aplanet without a breathable atmosphere with 3 people you may come to hate would need pretty good compensation.

After all fame is not much use if you are not around to enjoy it.

And would I have any say about the opposite sex accompanying me, as the general concensus now is that such a journey should have a mixed crew?

The first photo from Mars

Clearly depicts millions of Grasshopper like beings culling each other!

That's why there are none left now, after seeing where their new invader had crashed in from; the thought of becoming part of a culture that had to queue three days for a loaf of bread made them self destruct.

With a little help from my freinds

So America's space program is underpinned by the efforts of a former enemy and war criminal and the current core vehicle is from another former enemy?

Werner Von Braun knowingly used slave labour kept in appalling conditions during his leadership of the Nazi V weapon program but the Yanks forgave him and set him up in the States to kickstart the cold war weapons race.

Just goes to show, it doesn't matter how much of an evil bastard you are if you have the right currency.

Pussy?

I love cats and at one time between my house and the stables I used to rent; I had fourteen. I still have two in my house now as I like to have a pussy around to spoil but dressing up as one? I think the pussies in the lead photo need a slap!

Nice to see the money raised is going to an animal charity although the whole thing looks like a trekky fest gone feline.

Springfield, Florida

So was this caught near the power station where that nice Mr Burns employs a fat yellow safety officer?

Good on him

I can't imagine just how difficult it must be for a teenager to get people to take him seriously when trying to raise a million.

He must be an exceptional guy.

On a side note if he wants to come to Ibiza, I would be happy to show him the Hot Spots and how not to get ripped off here like the other rich kids.

Deadly daggered, diving dolphin desires flirty flippered fellating floozy!

Time for a change

The monkeys are coming down from the trees so us humans can go back up them, just bow to our monkey overlords and start climbing.

They may even do a better job!

Mimicry!

This spider by luck or judgment has learned to mimic politicians, who often have scapegoats out front who appear to be doing something while the actual politician is up to something else in addition to string pulling.

Sentient Life?

If the number of potentially life supporting planets is so low, I wonder what the chances are of finding a planet with sentient life?

Of all the life on this planet; the six billion or so humans make up less than 1% of the total biomass, the percentage of those humans that are actually sentient is even smaller (especially where I live).

So the chance of having to Kow Tow to our Galactic Overlords is very small!

Incidentally, the reason why the life supporting band is so narrow and restricted to those planets with liquid water is because life as we know it (JIm) is chemically very complicated and involves mostly compounds involving Hydrogen , Carbon and Oxygen with bits of other elements and compounds thrown in. For these complicated bits of chemistry to work at their best needs a powerful solvent that supports these reactions, liquid water does this better than almost anything.

Unless anyone knows better!

Farcebook

Personally I have never understood the fascination with Farcebook I have looked on it maybe a couple of dozen times as I have an account to occasionally communicate with my daughter in the UK.

The inane style of Farcebook and the fact that morons on there want to share with the world that they 'have just been for a huge dump' (I actually read that on somebody's wall!) is enough for me to not give a damn what they do.

Just don't use Farcebook , the same people who use it almost certainly have emails use them instead. Sooner or later once social networking has impermeated every facet of life ( if it hasn't already) and then been taken over by intrusive overwhelming commerce ( if it hasn't already) it will begin to lose it's hold on people and fade away like the fad it is.

Personally I can't even stand the phrase 'social networking' it offends my sociopathic nature.

Infallible Biometrics?

So the expensive biometrics which cannot be deceived need fingerprints to support them?

No change there , then

`Adaptable to specific situations´ Still sounds like grist for the lawyers mill.

Define

Smart friendly fire!

It works

` When it was test fired it blew up 40 secs from the pad´

You see! the Jumbo laser has been working for 2 years.

Get the strength of the insurance companies around you

Insurance companies love science.... if it means they can charge more, otherwise they'll keep misquoting science.... until they can charge more.

`Get the the strength of the insurance companies around you´, the old ad campaign, especially their grip around your wallet!

Another Mengeleson in second life?

Shit! the last thing we need is two of the lying sod!

A better Idea

Would be a bra phone, then I can always say to a suitably attractive wearer`my battery is flat could I make a call on your phone´ Whether or not she takes it off and passes it to me, it will be fun.

The Mother *****R of Parliaments

Time was , the rest of the world looked up to and tried to emulate the British parliamentary system.

Let's hope that is no longer the case. There must be countless Britons spinning in their graves who have died fighting or spent their lives campaigning for the liberties that are daily being eroded by this government in the names of anti-terrorism and our best interests.

I really hope the next election brings a government that genuinely cares more about the needs and wants of the British people than it does about it's own sense of power, if not, it is going to be time to be getting the pitch forks and rope out and sharpening the sickles.

So far so unclear

Who is lying to whom? It would appear that possibly the Speaker is lying, the police are lying or the Serjeant at Arms is lying, any two from three are lying or that all three are lying. What everyone takes for granted is that Waqui is lying having sufficient precedent to assume that that is the norm for her. In a decent democracy that should be enough to bring down a government and bring about a General election, what is clear is that this is not a decent government and hence no longer a decent democracy.

To Nullabour: Stop clinging to power like a drowning man with a straw and give others a chance to undo all the harm you have done. None of you are fit to govern the British people as even those of you who are not lying in this case have lied at other times. Perhaps a vote of no confidence should be called for.

Paintball

Has NO similarities to real shooting, if you wasted ammo the way paint ballers do,you would in a real shooting war soon be out of ammo and out of luck ( and in a body bag).

When you know the stuff being fired at you can only sting (and make you pink and orange at worst) you can't take it as seriously as when the rounds being fired at you can with a hit in the arm stop your heart with hydraulic shock as it rips your arm off.

As for the States many keen shooters there who enjoy all kinds of weapons and hunting, target shooting etc are not tobacco chewing banjo players who are called Bubba, they just have respect for the fact that they still have some rights and would like to keep them, after all in the name of `The war against terror´ haven't all of us already lost enough rights?

What is the problem with assault rifles? If one soft nosed round from something like a Wetherby 308 magnum hunting rifle hits you, the others in the mag won't matter, and it's still assault!

Jaquiavellian

As already said rates along with twatdangle.

I think it's possible that the phrase may out live the political career of the begetter.

She is one twat that should be dangled, preferably a la mode de Mussolini.

Not fit to run the internet either

Berlusconi, what it says in the title

Not Stalinist yet

Stalin killed upwards of 23 million people one way or another with his dawn knocks and disappearing people but I suspect if we allowed the likes of the current gov' to stay in they would , more and more rapidly begin to emulate him. The greatest danger to political freedom is a government that will hear no criticism against its self.

The police are as much at fault as the idiots who initially requested the raid, to have actually gone in without first asking enough questions as to whether they should in fact be doing something that probably breaches parliamentary privilige.

Of course the plod never really did care for what the law actually says, most of the time they don't know and don't bother to consult a solicitor first they just go and kick a door down and let the lawyers sort it out later.

Toxic Toasters

Toasters are carcinogenic! if you smoke enough of them, however, the good news is, they are difficult to light and therefore not many people will smoke enough of them to actually get cancer.

In other news the gov' are considering moves to make the storing of Baccophilic pornography on electronic storage devices a capital offence.

( I just wanted to use the word Baccophilic, it's kind of woody)

No Doubt at all

That Damien Greene is in some kind of conflict with Waqui's policies but that should not in a democratic society be a problem that leads to such things as police raids on his office.

Of course now that it has hit the papers there will be all kinds of Nullabour spin to explain why it happened and why Waqui ( I'm not a nazi) Jaqui is not guilty of any kind of wrong doing.

One of the biggest worries here however, is the fact that the police are so ready to intervene on behalf of the ministry's request. This is suspiciously close to the other recent civil? service cock up recently where the civil service released criticism of Tory policy.

Both the police and civil servants should not under any circumstances be allowed to involve them selves in political actions as part of their jobs and, furthermore the guidelines for police action against opponents to ANY government policies need reviewing. Or is it that Britain really is no longer a democracy and is now a Poligarchy (POLice or POLiticians).

Please contribute

Esteemed Sirs

For anyone who is wishing to help to fight these nefarious criminals, please send me your banking details and how much you would like to contribute.

You can contact me at my email lawyerlmoolah@lagos.com

Signed Lawyer Loadza Moolah

Institute for Internet Safety.

The best place

To use this technology is in council and government offices and chambers,so that we the public that pay for them can see they are doing their best for us and not cooking up dodgy deals with crooked businessmen.

Also we could put cameras in the meetings of chief police officers, after all if they are doing nothing wrong they have nothing to hide!

How to morph Metropolitan Police into STASI

Since the current lot have been in power the various police forces have consistently been allowed to usurp and assume more and more power for themselves along with a number of other government agencies.

Goebbles in his diaries during the Second World War noted that the British Public were able to tolerate an enormous amount of limitations to their freedom that were introduced by their government, he also noted that when the British public had had enough they were to be feared. Wacky Jaqui and the nazis at ACPO should take note, if you really piss off the population and they decide to take action, you'll need more than thirty thousand tasers to stop them and if you start shooting them you may as well kiss your arse goodbye. If we had a constitution what the cops have just done would be unconstitutional, which is why no government will implement a British Constitution.

The whole thing sounds suspiciously like a quiet word being said here or there to set things in motion to intimidate this trouble making MP. The technical term for it is Smith/Brownian motion.

A couple more

To add to my earlier comment, I agree with almost everyone here. I definitely should have included `social networking´ and I have a particular dislike for the name Skype, I know it is not a neogilism but it sounds to be in the same league as the name Snape a particlarly unpleasant, sneaky and oily individual, perhaps I'm just odd but I don't like it. There are loads of other buzzwords that are not necessarily IT based that irritate, trouch base as mentioned , proactive is one that really makes me want to disembowel people over a slow fire. Too many others to mention really.

@ JamesPickett

I think Georgy had graduated to a VTech and was beginning to find the Telly Tubbies less intellectually challenging.

As for Obama ,I think he is limited due to legislation passed subsequent to Nixon and Watergate.

All communications issuing out of and into the White House must be recorded and kept and particularly any and all communications made by the president.

Darling!

With darling shoveling billions about willy nilly to support banks that don't need supporting, he should rethink and invest in British shipbuilders and reactor manufacturers to produce carriers that will have a decent usable lifetime without unnecessary retrofits for stuff that should be included from day one. Then there would be no fannying around trying to decide which variant of the Lightning II to go for just go straight for the `c´version and have done with it. Cheaper, faster and probably more manouverable and capable of landing with a full load.

If you have to use 'tard

Then you are obviously Retarded and should be tard and feathered.

I have never before heard the phrase `sharing IP´but now I have I despise it and whichever cretin thought it up and first used it, may their dangly bits fester and drop off.

Last is Webinar, it should be removed forcibly from all records and if necessary from any brains that it may be lodged in so0 that it ceases to exist.

The future designed by committee

If this lot had set out to design a mouse they would have come up with an elephant, oversized, impractical and no fucking use at all for putting in mouse holes.

Does anybody with even a basic knowledge of human nature seriously think it is possible to do away with nukes now that we have them? If it is possible to make a weapon, some one will, so if those who currently have nukes disarm, what do they do when some despotic, lunatic third world country suddenly develops their own nukes and threatens the world or a neighbour or a corner of their own country where there are dissidents? I suppose we will just have to ask them nicely to desist.

The only good thing about this ,is that it will be ignored like all committees of this type, in reality putting these people on such a committee is so that they are out of the way and kept busy.

For all the anti-hunters

Go to an abattoir and have a look around, hunting is probably less stressful and painful for the animals than being herded into an abtatoir and waiting to have a large bolt fired through your brain.

I am willing to bet most of you commenting against hunting eat meat but only if it has been killed a long way away from you and has been butchered and cleaned for you.

If you had to fend for yourselves you would all be eating grass and dying.

Hunting is a part of man's heritage and the skills should be kept alive.

Tricky situation

Given the number of normally peaceful but inflammable muslims that live in India it will be important for the response of the Indian government to be just right or the chance of near civil war is possible.

What's wrong with a little shot?

In your food. The hunting classes and a great many country folk in the UK have for years eaten pheasants, deer and other soft fluffy things full of lead shot and it hasn't done them any harm. I have had many a peasant, sorry , pheasant with lead in it and I'm OK.... Jiggins! could you move me away from the fire? I'm burning....and get me another boy! This one's broken.