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* Posts by Chris G

987 posts • joined 18 Oct 2007

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Motorist 'thought car had caught fire' as Adele track came on stereo

Chris G
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@ john devoy

There is a level of stupidity that will lose a licence, some people achieve that level and then proceed to lose their licence by dying, unfortunately they often kill other innocent people at the same time.

After the ingrained lessons learned in basic training followed by five years in the Mob, on seeing 'Fire' come up on my dashboard my first instinct would be to flick the safety off and shoot someone, just missing the weapon nowadays.

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Kickstarter tin-rattlers offer reboot of '80s Integrated Space Plan megagraphic

Chris G
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Love the Muzak

The background elevator muzak throughout the whole video was dreadful, a bit like some of the TV shopping channels but without all of those idiotically smiling people.

I won't be buying into their plan.

However if El Reg prints the I(improved)IST on a Teeshirt then I'm in! and I'd like to get in first on a Kickstarter for Mars' first pub The Two Moons, I'm looking for around 5 billion euros to get there, build the pub and stock it. Anyone who donates a million or more gets free beer for life in the first pub on Mars .

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Fear a terrifying killer robot revolution? GET A GRIP: Boffins invent cyborg hand for humans

Chris G
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Re: Optional

In addition to skull crushing power, a reasonably offensive laser mounted in one finger and an IR TV controller in the other would make it interesting.

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Chris G
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Dagnostic Apraxia

A new meaning for alien hand syndrome, the handy jar opening thing/s on your wrist/s quietly waiting to remove your fleshy, inefficient carcase from the New Machine Order coming to you courtesy of the IoT /

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When the robot rebellion comes, this Jibo droid will BORE you to death

Chris G
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If it takes off

I can see it getting snapped up by Farcebook or Borgle .

Especially appealing to them would be the making friends with the kids bit.

'Hi Johnny! where do mummy and daddy like to shop? What do they like to buy?

What do they do when they think you have gone to bed and are asleep?

Sounds like 'The eye of Sauron's version of Bilbo' ; Dildo Dyson!

Sort of a Furby with no fur but a camera added, all the better to spy on you my dears!

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UK Parliament rubber-stamps EMERGENCY data grab 'n' keep bill

Chris G
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Just another brick in the wall

See above

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DRONE WARS: Killers, spies? Nah, they're IDEAL for snapping pics of hot models

Chris G
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Useless

This article is useless without pics of the aforementioned hot models.

How do we know the system works?

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Get an EYEFUL OF CURRY for the sake of your brain

Chris G
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All in favour say Eye

If the US and its NATO allies spent 1% of what they spend invading and interfering with other countries on research into preventing or curing Alzheimers and other diseases we would be well on the way to improving the lot of society as a whole.

I am not too sure about wanting to know well in advance that all my marbles are slipping out of the bag one by one, better to be told when I no longer care.

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Will GCHQ furtle this El Reg readers' poll? Team Snowden suggests: Yes

Chris G
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Alles klar

The results have/are being furtled as the poll is running, clearly no-one in their right mind or the apparent majority in this case would have answered with the last answer in each category as they are clearly too supportive of GCHQ!

Vote for a Furtle Free Britain Now!

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LOHAN seeks stirring motto for spaceplane mission patch

Chris G
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Bugger the latin

LOHAN

Getting it up and going faster!

LOHAN

Attitude, Altitude, Fortitude

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Chris G
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Vulture Volans Alte

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Think Google Glass is creepy? Wait until it READS YOUR MIND

Chris G
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Re: Leaving aside the snarky comments

Probably too late for this as I have been busy.

I made the comment expecting an erudite reply giving some idea of how these problems have been adressed. Perhaps by you Mr AC as you seem to have read enough of the project to be impressed by it but clearly you prefer to adopt the position of a patronising arsehole rather than display your erudition.

However a quick look at the University's web page shows a very small mention about the Braindriver as a demonstration that has a long way to go, when the project is up and running and all problems solved I will cheerfully bow down to their expertise and buy them a beer.

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Chris G
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Re: Leaving aside the snarky comments

Driving anything by direct thought control is probably going to create more problems than it solves, given that few people are truly single minded in their approach to anything. Unless there is an equivalent of the 'Google Glass!' type of command before the car accepts an additional instruction say to correct the steering as one normally does dozens of times a minute or a buffer using GPS or Google Maps, in which case the mental command is only necessary at the beginning of the journey.

Otherwise, if there is real time direct thought control it would only need the odd stray thought to confuse the car and cause problems. Imagine; 'Ooh there's old Jonesey I must take his lawn mower back later'. Or looking at a scantily clad girl in the street and not concentrating on the road ahead, that is already a major problem here in the summer.

Going back to the article; the photo of the Reg's intrepid hack immediately made me think of Davros.

If it makes you look like a borged dork are you a Bork or a Dorg?

Easy as it is to laugh at, some incarnation of Glass/Cyborg like tech is almost certain to be a part of our future, in the eighties it was a life in a Filofax, then PCs, Laptops and now 8 core 4GB smartphones this year and smart watches will eventually catch on maybe along with Glass if Moores Law can be manipulated far enough. Then when you begin to fit all the tech in something smaller than a watch, where do you put it? In your ear? and then what?

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LG unfurls flexible SEE-THROUGH 18-inch display

Chris G
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Borgmobile

I can see this being applied to things like the Borgle driverless car, what better thing for its occupants trapped in it in an hours long traffic jam than some targeted advertising goodness!

A different ad in every window.

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The final score: Gramophones 1 – Glassholes 0

Chris G
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Quick! close that door and don't let the horse back in.

Anyone worrying about their image being captured by Glassholes should have been taking precautions for quite some time already, the number of phones out there being used with cameras is in the billions. Somewhere i am sure is a recorded number of how many pics and videos are taken daily world wide, there can be few of us who have not been recorded unknowingly, especially if you live in a big city or a place like Ibiza full of tourists where I live.

Fortunately for me the plastic surgery,sunglasses, wig and false leg seem to be helpful in hiding my true identity.

My objections to Glass are the head twitching, talking to the air and general dorkiness, when everybody else is a dork I may consider joining them.

I remember when cell phones were a new thing; anyone standing or walking in the street talking to a black house brick was considered a twat! It's not so bad being that twat when you are one of millions.

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Telefonica inks deal with mobile ads platform: Find your customer? There's an API for that

Chris G
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My choice?

" and says users can be contacted through text, email or whichever medium the client chooses."

Not to be contacted at all.

When I want something I will look for it.

Having looked for an electric belt sander on Amazon I have lost count of the bloody emails advertising anything electric from Breast milk pumps (last time I looked I still had no breasts) to Zener diodes.

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'Apple is TERRIFIED of women’s bodies and women’s pleasure' – fresh tech sex storm

Chris G
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Proportional reaction

Such a big kerfuffle over such a small thing!

Mind you a clit is easier to find than a G spot.

Boot note: the predictive text on this phone kept rewriting clit as clot until I saved it .

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German government orders local CIA station chief to pack his bags

Chris G
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Re: Friends ?

We don' need no steenkin friends!

America has allies not friends, even the much vaunted 'Special Relationship' between the US and UK is not a friendship, it just means the UK should be ready to drop its pants and bend over at a moments notice.

Something to think about; Spies are like fleas and cockroaches, if you can see one, there are a thousand more that you can't see.

As I have said before, national security for the US is more about providing huge profits for its industries at the rest of the World's expense while maintaining enough of a good standard of living for the general US population to not question their lot too much.

The American people are like everyone else on the planet and have the same needs as the rest of us and they stay blinkered by the use of parochial, content free news on TV and in their papers but if you shake hands with an American politician be sure to count your fingers afterwards.

Don't be surprised to see more news like this soon, possibly from other countries.

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Man FOUND ON MOON denies lunar alien interface

Chris G
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Pint

A biff from Buzz

Deserves a beer.

I have never seen that before; I guess being called a coward for the umpteenth time by a large lard arsed plonker tempted Buzz to show he still punch over his weight.

We really don't have any hard evidence that there is other life out there and what evidence there is that leads us to believe there could be other life elsewhere is based mostly on what we know as life here on Earth.

However, in a Universe as big as this and the time it has had so far to come up with life it seems to me to be very unlikely that we are unique.

If the chances of life developing is millions to one, then in our Galaxy alone which is believed to have 200-400 Billion stars that leaves room for a few thousand chances at millions to one.

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Would it be BAD if the Amazon rainforest was all FARMS? Well it WAS, once

Chris G
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Re: Plainly Forgot something?

Actually Russia has more than a million square miles more of forest than Brazil, although it is not rain forest.

Russian forests are equal to the area of Australia.

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Boffins urge European Commission to reboot electric brain project

Chris G
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Discount

For only €500.000.000 and an initial 30 minutes with the right lab assistant, I can almost guarantee a 9 month delivery date for a functioning brain to human standards, the basic OS will be installed, it will just need programming for finer functions.

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'BIGGEST BIRD EVER': 21-foot ripsaw-beaked flying HORROR

Chris G
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Pelagornis!

Pelagornis on a stick!

As a take off aid European or Africn Swallows would probably have been too small to be of much use, possibly their larger ancestor the North American Gulp may have been able to help.

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Wireless-controlled contraception implant is coming, says MIT

Chris G
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Re: Wonderful device

If it meant more action without the risk of leaving a trail of paternity suits I would cheerfully embrace a male implant.......depending on where it is going to be implanted.

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It's alive! Space hackers fire up zombie Sun probe's engines

Chris G
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Pint

They don't build 'em like they used to

Sometimes that's a good thing but not always.

Heres to a few more years of useful science and another beer or three for the team members!

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German spy agency staffer spied for NSA during gov probe into NSA spying – report

Chris G
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Surprising

The Germans caught him trying to sell out to the Russians but knew nothing of his Yank connection until he told them.

One assumes from that that the Germans had good surveillance in place against the Russians but not so much for further spying from their already proven less than above board allies.

Unusually naive for them.

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USA to insist on pre-flight mobe power probe

Chris G
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Re: Won't someone please think about the IMSIs?

Another Commentard posted a link to Pry-fi the other day : http://www.xda-developers.com/android/protect-your-privacy-on-your-mobile-device-with-pry-fi/

I haven't had a chance to look into it properly but the quick scan I did of the page makes it look interesting, if it works it really should go viral. Thousands of phones declaring war on trackers would be funny.

The only downside is the reduction in freebies if no-one can track anyone anymore, but then if we are all paying for the apps we want the prices will come down.

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Chris G
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Familiarity breeds contempt

Clearly people have become used to the usual iniquities heaped on them by the TSA and are not becoming sufficiently pissed off. So to keep the PO index up and to continue justifying their jobs they have come up with this latest 'seen to be done' exercise.

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ANGRY ALIENS hit by BEBO SPAMGASM probably don't exist

Chris G
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Congratulations

Gliese 581D and G for perfecting your cloaking technology,now everybody thinks you don't exist you should find a little peace and quite after the barrage of TV tat from Earth.

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Royal Navy parks 470 double-decker buses on Queen Elizabeth

Chris G
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No Cat's No Yanks

Maybe we should look East: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOOIERdUsEo

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China blocks Flickr and OneDrive

Chris G
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Let them eat cake

But we get to decide the flavour, size and colour.

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iPhone user SHAMEGASM: 'I beg of you', delete sex app from my purchase list

Chris G
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Haha

Haha ha hahaha haaaaaaaaaaa! Bzzt

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Your Android phone is a SNITCH: Wi-Fi bug makes you easy to track

Chris G
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Re: Install Pri-fi

Looks useful I will give it a try.

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AVG: We need laws to stop biz from tracking our kids

Chris G
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Free market Holy?

Free markets are important but markets that are entirely regulation free are not good for anyone.

The current recession is proof of how deregulation and greed makes not only a lot of money for some but creates a bubble ( that will burst sooner or later) and will generally make more people poorer.

Morals and ethics are basically about distinguishing between right and wrong so moral or ethical guidelines are not a problem since unless you are a bestial, child molesting satanist your beliefs will not affect your morals that much compared to anyone else who is relatively normal.

A quick google produced this: http://www.adstandards.com/en/standards/the14Clauses.aspx#advertising from Canada which are basically moral or ethical in content without being religious which I presume is your objection.

As for EULAs and App permissions it would be interesting to see EULAs that allowed one to agree and disagree with various sections and to be able to enable or disable permissions according to one's taste, particularly when you are paying for an App.

I have a paid for version of Avast on this machine and lately I have been getting 'grime cleaner' pop ups and other crap adverts, needless to say, at renewal time my card and I will be going elsewhere.

The bummer is, that at the end of the day much of the info' gathering that governments do is 'in the interests of national security' before national security used to be generally considered to be political and military concerns but now commercial interests come just as high. Since the nineties at least much of Americas espionage gathering has been industrial and often gathered from those normally considered to be allies so don't imagine that information gathered about you by government in any form is not going to be sold on to business somewhere along the line. Witness the UK gov' trying to sell off everyones Health files to insurance and drug companies.

New laws may not be necessary but certainly the existing laws need updating to include current and upcoming changes in how society works.

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LIFE on Titan: If there's one thing aliens HATE, it's a SALTY BALL

Chris G
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Re: How to get the piece of real estate within Human reach

A chrono-synclastic infundibulum has been the oldest method for traveling to Titan, it has been in use since 1959 when Kurt Vonnegut Jr wrote about it in The Sirens of Titan.

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NIST shows off one-way photon-passing metamaterial

Chris G
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A remarkable achievement

Not something to be taken lightly.

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New Russian law punishes online 'extremism'

Chris G
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Brings to mind

HUAC The old House UnAmerican Activities Commitee and the Patriot Act

although the patriot Act gives its government more powers.

Legislating anything that removes basic freedoms in any country is wrong, even Tony Bliar's PC laws whether well intentioned or not are freedom limiting.

None of us live in a country where true Freedom of Speech exists.

" Under the spreading chestnut tree......"

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Shrew'd boffins spot TINY ELEPHANT species

Chris G
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Oops

Between 2005 and 2011, the team went to visit the wee mammal's home in northwestern Namibia and managed to snare a further 16 examples of the beast, which is called Macroscelides micus and is totally monogamous throughout its life.

A spokesman said 'We are so excited to have discovered this new beast before the last 16 disappeared and the species became extinct!'

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Facebook 'manipulated' 700k users' feelings in SECRET EXPERIMENT

Chris G
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Product

As many here have pointed out before, if you get it for free you are not the customer you are the product.

What Farcebook are forgetting is that not only are their members the product, they are the resource, any company that hopes to have any kind of longevity in its chosen business knows that managing and shepherding its prime resources is fundamental to success.

When you treat resources as a limitless, maintenance free supply of product that will always be there; someday you are going to wake up with a nasty shock, it will all be gone.

Let's Hope Eh!

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True fact: Your CAT wees ... like a racehorse

Chris G
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Re: Perhaps Predictable

So you are saying that peetime is limited to enable flight.

The obvious thing to do next is time apex predators to see if they are more leisurely in their micturation given that they have less to worry about.

How do you get a Tiger to pee in a bottle?

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We got behind the wheel of a Tesla S electric car. We didn't hate it

Chris G
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Twizy

In the last year I had had the opportunity to drive both a Renault Twizy and a Tesla S, each for a very short distance.

The Tesla belongs to a coach and limo company here, they bought the S to collect VIPs from the VIP terminal at Ibiza aiport which is where I saw it while waiting for a client.

I doubt if I drove it more than half a mile but I can say it is definitely worth more than the price of thirteen Twizys, smooth and very fast acceleration, something I guess would take a bit of getting used to when you are used to accelerating with increasing noise. The Tesla gives very little sense of speed, I found I was doing over a hundred Km in a couple of seconds without realising it until I looked at the readout. The stereo was better than anything I have ever owned in my house.

The Twizy on the other hand is slow, expensive for a two in line seater that is almost comparable to the Sinclair C5. That however, had the advantage of pedal power when the battery was flat.

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Saddle up for the Tour de Firmware

Chris G
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Re: Frame

How about magnesium?

One of my mates races a couple of old RG 500s the engines are almost pure magnesium, not difficult to pick up single handed so very light but a total bitch to weld unless you are a magician

(by my welding standards anyway) it is also prone to corrosion but I imagine some of the protective coatings available now would mitigate that.

Personally I have a thing about Titanium, if I could afford a titanium bike I would buy one in a heartbeat.

As for gears has anyone tried modernising the old Sturmey Archer system with an electronic changer, if you wanted to get really clever you could have the system 'cassetted' like GP bikes so that you simply pull out one set of ratios to be replaced with another to suit a given race route changing gear would need a relatively simple solenoid or possibly piezo system.

If it has not been done I claim the idea for bicycles as my intellectual property!

Where technology needs some real improvements though is on saddles, wearing a pair of gel filled shorts is not my thing and sitting for any time on a leather bound razor blade for any amount of time is not helpful for anyone hoping to add to the gene pool, my cycling nowadays is limited to casual and leisure trips so I use a gel cover on a slightly wider saddle but a few hours on that feels like a kick in the crutch by the time I get home.

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What's it like using the LG G smartwatch and Android Wear? Let us tell YOU

Chris G
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Range

I have a 5" screen on my phone mostly because I'm an old fart who needs glasses, sometimes it would be handy if I could leave my phone in the car and receive a notification of a call, I love in Spain , in the summer wearing shorts and a tee shirt I don't have much space to keep a large phone on my person. If a smart watch could link up to 200 metres from my phone I feel pile find that very useful.

Still not too sure about doing the Dick Tracy thing in public though.

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Surprise! NSA's first ever 'transparency' 'report' is anything but

Chris G
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Re: I wonder if, given that their world-wide data is stored in the USA, ...

In recent times 60% of opium derived drugs i n the US were allowed through by the CIA from Afghanistan, much of the 'captured' drugs in the Carribean were actually put onto boats and ships by FDA stings and a great deal of laundered and confiscated drugs money is used to fund the war against drugs/terrorism/freedom (delete as required) . Banks depend on Governments for their bails outs and their ability to operate in grey areas, think ' financial back door'.

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Chris G
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Re: Perfect transparency

My concern is that behavioural analysis software is being developed and used, it does not have to be perfect, only good enough in the eyes of its users to be deployed. As you say at best it is only a guess but that is a guess that could get people a suite near a Cuban beach. It has become clear that Gov's no longer require courts of law where they cite national security and for them suspicion is proof enough.

Zero behaviour equals zero thoughts.

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Chris G
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Perfect transparency

We are spying on all of you: what you do, what you say, where you go and soon what you think.

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BBC: Bumpkins, hobbits need fairer coverage

Chris G
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The count wee?

Ohh you mean that big gween place where we take the dogs at the weekend.

(They have such a gweat time chasing those wooly sheep and fluffy bunnies)

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Retiring Reg hack explains how bass playing = tech reporting

Chris G
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Ska

Thanks for all the words.

I am almost the same age as you but ska was around in the early sixties in Brixton and a couple of clubs in South East London . Now I date myself; 2/6 for Friday evening, another 3/- to do an all nighter through 'til 7 in the morning at the Peyton Place club in Bromley circa 1964.

By the '80s real ska was hard to find. Usually the bands (in the 60s) consisted of a couple trumpets, a trombone, a sax, snare and other drums and one or two vocals, all in a place about 30ft x50ft jammed with people and a selection of illicit substances, a bar that sold cocacola lemonade and chips.

Great music great weekends in my misspent early teens.

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What is ex-NSA spyboss selling for $1m a month, asks US congressman

Chris G
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Ready for Democracy

Most of the world is ready for democracy, the problem is finding the stuff.

Currently there is not one true democracy that I know of on the planet. There are many countries that hold elections to appoint leaders and governments who then go on to abuse their apparently approved mandates from the electorate, lobbying has more impact on government policies than voting.

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New MH370 search zone picked using just seven satellite 'handshakes'

Chris G
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Re: err... the phone call

At that stage of the flight maybe ghostbusters.

This mystery has got all the conspiracy nuts out in force, the more I read the more I feel they may be justified.

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Physicist proposes 1,000-foot state-sized walls to stop tornadoes

Chris G
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We need a bigger shovel

One kilometre linear of these 'mountains' would need 15 cubic kilometres of material to construct, that means either a large hole somewhere or a smaller mountain. Tens of kilometres long walls will mean much bigger holes or much smaller mountains and quite a lot of trucks and fuel to move all that material, it may be doable but it may also be be ecologically and economically more beneficial in the long run to not bother.

Has this guy made any study of potential side effects from a project like this? Effects on weather patterns in general etc?

Sounds like someone desperatley looking for an original paper to publish.

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