* Posts by Chris G

1604 posts • joined 18 Oct 2007

Stench of confiscated dope overwhelms Catalan cop shop

Chris G
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Re: Whoa, Dude you're nicked

Tom, that's a hell of a lot of kilner jars. My mates son just for a laugh planted about 8 seeds, by the end of the season there were three plants left. Two of them were around 8 ft high the third for reasons only known to itself was close to twelve ft.All three were female, covered in seed heads and could be smelt a hundred metres away.

I really have no interest in smoking or imbibing anything other than the odd beer or a good wine but was happy to help bag this stuff up, two large black bags of the good stuff was the result.

The cops here will allow three plants and a self consumption supply in the house, I can't imsgine even the laid back Ibiza cops turning a blind eye to this lot. After bagging it I was genuinely stoned just from the fumes.

N.B. So far I haven' t become paranoid (well, any more than normal) or killed anyone.

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Chris G
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Whoa, Dude you're nicked

From experience (at a friend's house) : can tell you a plastic bin liner will not hold the smell of Spanish home grown in.

When the sticky resiny heads are fresh off the plant, there is no need to skin up. Just inhale the atmosphere, dudes/dudettes!

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Judge flips class-action switch on Uber drivers' lawsuit against cab biz

Chris G
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Ubersite

Just another case of a parasitic middle man sucking workers dry, reminds me of my mate's music agent.

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Microsoft backports data slurp to Windows 7 and 8 via patches

Chris G
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MS/NSA

Has there been a merger I'm unaware of? I know MS was probably the first accused of providing a back door, now they give the impression of working together.

Given the prospective lives of 7 and 8 and the fact that take up of Win10 is less than they had hoped so far, I had wondered if there could be some slrpy updating. The next worry is that if these current updates are removable then the next round of slurpery will be incorporated into something harder to remove and more necessary to the OS actually operating.

When or if that happens: Hello Apple/Linux etc.

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US mulls unprecedented Chinese sanctions in wake of hacks – report

Chris G
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So who is the pot?

When I first read the headline, I thought China was imposing sanctions on the US, something they could easily do.

Cut off anything related to rare earths and the usual 'high tech' to a potential enemy and the US will start to hurt pretty quickly.

For the last five years the US has been trying to establish a rare earths industry but as far as I know its not there yet. Plus if the Chines take back all their scientists, US research will take a big hit.

I would love to know how many items of intellectual property the yanks have nicked since the second world war.

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NASA names New Horizons' next target

Chris G
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Pint

If I ran a business I would head hunt NASA or other space probe team members, they must be the best forward planners on this planet.

A beer for all of them, keeping us looking forward and outward.

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Spaniard claims WWII WAR HERO pigeon code crack. Explain please

Chris G
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Plaintext language

"any attempt to decipher can only be contemplated if there are some known details about the plaintext or algorithm. What language the plaintext is in, for example,"

Being a WWII RAF message I'm betting on this; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rKYL0tW-Ek

Uncrackable!

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Google: Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am – stuck in the middle of EU

Chris G
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Pro

The video was definitely made by a professional ad maker , it had all the hallmarks of propaganda, I particularly like the fact that most of the search results they showed were in Pounds or Euros.

My experience when looking for a product is that unless I type in UK or es, I get mostly .com responses and even when I type in UK in a search a lot of US companies come up before UK ones, I am guessing they are paying customers.

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Prof Hawking cracks riddle of black holes – which may be portals to other universes

Chris G
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Re: Yea but

No, Hull on a Friday night!

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3D-printed robot hand grabs Dyson award for UK

Chris G
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At last

A really useful piece of 3D printing, other than the Vulture's own special project that is.

The next thing is for some wally to print a hand with a gun built into it.

Personally as a lapsed robotics engineer I think one of the ways forward for humaniform robotics is as prosthetic devices for humans who are disabled in some way, to enable them to live as close to a normal life as possible.

Materials and drives are so much better than in the '80s and probably the engineers are smarter too nice to see innovation like this.

Nice one!

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Wileyfox smartphones: SD card, no bloatware, Cyanogen, big battery – yes to all!

Chris G
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Re: Say it is true

3 gigs of RAM and 32gigs onboard with the rest is pretty impressive at that price though, my Huawei is two years old now and I fancy a change, this could be it.

The wimpy battery means spending 11€ in Lidl for an explosion free 5600mAh power pack.

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Auto erotica bonk shocker: ja das ist gut, say 56% of Germans

Chris G
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Re: Oh really

I'm over 60, I can still kick a heavy bag higher than my head, touch my toes ( depending on who or what is behind me) and I definitely still have the suppleness to make a lady ( or other female) smile and reach her destination in the back of a car.

I must say though that my old Tranny van was more fit for purpose and if all you have is a Mini, then providing the weather and location is Okay, the roof is better than the back seat.

Just need to add other than the spam emails I see, I have no idea where to buy viagra or cialis or what it even looks like.

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Chris G
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Wobbly

Back inthe '70s a neighbour of mine was a motorcycle cop, while on a patrol in Croydon he noticed a car ahead of him was moving erratically. As he approached from behind he noticedthe passenger's head duck down from sight and the car's path became distinctly wobbly,veering all over the road, as the car pulled up at trafficlighst he pulled along side the car and peered in the young lady in the passenger seat was blowing the driver's bugle, her nickers were on the dash and the driver didn't even notice my neighbour looking in.

The driver got a ticket for Dangerous Driving and Driving Without Due Care and Attention, the passenger got ticked off about lewd behaviour and distracting a driver while driving.

This happened on the Purley Way, Brighton road.

Sex in a car, van, back of a bike even is normal especially for youngsters with no place to go but it is better to not be driving at what the Japanese call the Moment of Clouds and Rain ( Very difficult to drive a bike and have sex).

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Sysadmin ignores 25 THOUSAND patches, among other sins

Chris G
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On occasion

There is no statement quite so eloquent nor action so elegant;

as a smack in the mouth!

If you meet him Bill let me know , I'll back you up.

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Get whimsical and win a Western Digital Black 6TB hard drive

Chris G
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If this is an Apple; How the hell do I peel it?

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Spotify climbs down on new terms and conditions

Chris G
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Trollface

Monetising, the new black.

Now the world, his wife, dog and bloody kids all want to monetise your data.

Your location, activity on the net and off,your social status,contacts, friends, married status, health, health issues, etc etc etc.

Now who could possibly bring all of those things together and monetise them without giving a shit about you clicking on the Ts&Cs?

Why NSA Inc or GCHQ Ltd,cough up your data or pay more tax.

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LA explosion knocks LogMeIn's British customers offline

Chris G
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Back up and redundancy!

See title

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Geeks on quest for world's most pointless YouTube video

Chris G
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Re: Why?

Irony defficient? Or defficient irony?

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Microsoft will explain only 'significant' Windows 10 updates

Chris G
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If

I were a succsessful computer manufacturer who could also turn out reasonable OSs, about now I would seriously be considering making the OS available to anyone with the money.

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Microsoft kicks off 'Windows as a service' with new Insider build

Chris G
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Re: No thank you

Thanks for that Preston, made me laugh out loud, lucky there was no tea involved.

I actually got back with my best mate after the divorce, unike the ex he liked pick up trucks, beer and picking up loose women (in the pick up trucksof course).

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Chris G
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No thank you

Actually I'm still sitting (been a long day).

Windows as a service?

They must have spent hundreds of hours in committee meeting tocome up with such an inconsequentially meaningless, noncommittal term so that whatever gets dumped on users will be positive and a service.

My worry is when my car has a service it usually costs more than the basic service, they always find something extra to charge for.

Religious services:( in my experience) Christening, try to drown you in a bowl while mumbling spells.

Marriage, chained for life to someone who sleeps with your (ex)best mate.

Funeral, set you on fire or throw you down a hole.

Service the washing machine: if it's not on an expensive annual maintainance scheme, a service will cost more than the bloody thing is worth.

And so on; Windows as a service from a half formed OS? No Thank You! In spite of being able to change colours, I'll hang on to 7 for the moment ta very much!

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Youth Hostelling with Chris Eubank becomes TV reality

Chris G
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Political Suicide

A show where politicians are given the choice of telling the truth or killing themselves ( They get to choose the method)

I think it would clear the benches a bit and get reasonable viewing figures!

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Yet another Android app security bug: This time 'everything is affected'

Chris G
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How about

A hackery or a hackup?

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Using complicated electrical devices to curry favour with brats – the new black?

Chris G
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Positive negativity

I'm a firm believer in reinforcing positivity with negatives. You won't get a clip round thr ear if you pass, you won't lose your toys and you won't get grounded.

In addition it's good that the kids should know; if they don't get qualifications to make them employable they should remember they won't be living at home for free forever.

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Parrot drone pwned (and possibly killed) with Wi-Fi log-in

Chris G
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Re: lawndart says:

The Register has contacted Parrot for comment but no-one was immediately available.

Clearly they are all 'just resting' due to being shagged out after a long squawk!

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Indian Mars probe beams back 3D canyon snaps

Chris G
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बहुत बढ़िया Bahuta baṛhiyā

Makes even more proud of my Indian bits.

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ZTE Nubia Z9 Mini: The able Android smartie the company won't sell you

Chris G
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Re: I might have a look at one of these...

Etotalk who I have dealt with and can recommend have these for £180.

Dual sims are great I use Vod in Spain and PAYG Three in the UK, I don't come to the UK much but the Three card is always ready when I get there.

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Windows 10 PC sales boost? Don't hold your breath, say analysts

Chris G
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Learning difficulties?

After foisting Vista late and not very functional onto the world, then getting 7 right and following it too early in my opinion with a poorly researched and developed 8,and then trying to put it right with 8.1, I find it difficult to believe MS have chucked out a poorly functioning 10 that has strong privacy issues.

Are they incapable of actually paying attention to what their customers want and need?

It is incredible that such an apparently successful company can be so blinkered, the good news is they probably won't screw up another OS release, having promised this is the last, they may soon be looking at their last customer.

Particularly if they are going to segue into a PAYG service or something similar, I have a bad felling about 'MS as a service' and if if should go the route of a monthly bill, I will be gone.

It's only the fact that most people don't really know what they are buying until they have bought it that has kept MS going. That and the fact that the main alternative is a fair bit more expensive.

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Don't fight the cistern: Voda takes the plunge with plumbers’ parking app

Chris G
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Lost revenue

The councils are going to lose penalty revenues if this really takes off, so expect to see charges go up

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So unfair! Teachers know what’s happening on students' fondleslabs

Chris G
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What's' this pointy stick for?

With text English etc teachers are already having problems with kids who cant write or spell and that's even when they are texting with a spell checker on board.

Maybe they don't use spell checkers because they think it has something to do with Harry Potter.

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Flying Spaghetti Monster spotted off Angolan coast

Chris G
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Can't see the eye

This is clearly a baby Avanc, it's eye must be covered by one of the tentacles.

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EU clears UK to give £50m to SABRE space launcher engine

Chris G
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Re: <Even bigger cynic^2>

And don't forget the Israelis will be building their own version because they are spying on all of the spies ( and probably doing it better)

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Costa Rican authorities detain drug-smuggling pigeon

Chris G
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Smuggling drugs = trouble

Now he's doing bird.

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Two weeks of Windows 10: Just how is Microsoft doing?

Chris G
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Anyone notice

The new usernames and a few ACs who have written low key comments praising W10 even with little criticisms but all in the same writing style like chatty PR. The one thing none of them criticize are the privacy issues.

Call me a cynic 'cos I am.

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Apple and Google are KILLING KIDS with encryption, whine lawyers

Chris G
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And ban chopsticks! I have seen Jet Li kill people with his chopsticks, the are millions of deadly chopstick wielders out there. Think of those poor chopstick impaled children!

Or let's just be sensible.

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Spanish developers strike gold with ‘Mr Mayor’ dodgy dealings gaming app

Chris G
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Shopping

One notorious ex Alcalde (mayor) when police raided his home and found over €3.000.000 was asked to explain why he had so much cash in the house, replied "I might need to go shopping".

Many Spaniards when having difficulties with the local ayuntamiento or conseil take up politics, get their mates to vote them in and then pass a law to do what ever it was they wanted before and then tetire from politics.

It is getting harder now as the fuzz are investigating more and more public figures.

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FAIL: Windows 10 bulk patch produces INFINITE CRASH LOOP

Chris G
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The benefit of hindsight

The last time I noticed MS really pushing an OS was Vista, I remember how many people were laughing and smiling with that. That's why there are still so many XPers still out there and 7 may well end up hanging on well past what MS will regard as it's shelf life in the same way.

Shoving out a half baked OS just because the time limit is up couldn't be more ridiculous but MS doesn't learn from it's mistakes because the numpties that run it really think they are the market leader in their niche with no real opposition so they can do what they want.

One day they will wake up and find their market gone and no way back.

I personally don't like Apple but I have been toying with the idea of going that route, what the world really needs though is something completely new that offers the best of both worlds and has nothing to do with either and can be as home user friendly as 7 has been .

Just wondering; Win 10 as a service? What is a disservice then?

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'WOMAN FOUND ON MARS' – now obvious men are from Venus

Chris G
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ARSE!

See title

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Germany formally drops ‘treason’ case against Netzpolitik journos

Chris G
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Geheimer?

What do they call the 'Secret State Police ' nowadays?

I'm sure there must be an equivalent, though maybe not dressed in black fedoras and full length leather coats.

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A close shave: How to destroy your hard drives without burning down the data centre

Chris G
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A high amperage short should cook a drive nicely or discharging a large high voltage capacitor through a drive could be more sparkly and might work.

An alternative would be to fire a rifle sized blank directly into the casing through a pre cut hole, I bet the high speed high temperature gasses would do a good job of making the platters unreadable.

Quite easy to rig up too.

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Beaming boffins feel the rhythm as neutrinos oscillate over 500 miles

Chris G
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Re: Speaking of Physics at school...

Bayonets are still necessary today; once you get to the last few yards stage, firing an assault rifle while everyone else is hand to hand is going to be killing your mates as much as the enemy, at nearly 2000 joules of energy moving close to 1000m/sec the rounds will go straight throught your enemy and carry on doing damage for quite a while.

Huns, Taliban or anyone else ' don't like it up 'em'

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Surprise! Evil-eyed cats MORE LIKELY to be SNEAKY PREDATORS – boffins

Chris G
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Terminator

Re: Stop right there !

S0, everyone else has round pupils?

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Chris G
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Not so much evil

As well adapted.

Evolution has allowed a predatory creature, armed with eighteen flick knives and a gob full of sharp teeth to dominate the human race by being able to appear cute, fluffy and occasionally,comical.

Providing I feed them and provide comfy places to sleep my two feline bosses allow me a great deal of freedom.

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Perhaps middle-aged blokes SHOULDN'T try 34-hour-long road trips

Chris G
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Re: Portuguese v. Spanish Lane Merging

The Spanish on most of the Mediterranean sea board are the same, very few of them speak no English at all but they will act as if they understand nothing until a tourist has repeated himself several times. Maybe because it is more entertaining winding up a tourist than watching Spanish TV.

By the way most Spanish tolls on the roads I travel on are auto, I think there is one staffed toll on the Alicante -Madrid route.

Answer to your question ; in theory it should be better for faster traffic to slow and allow slower traffic in, in reality that ain't gonna happen though!

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All hail Ikabai-Sital! Destroyer of worlds and mender of toilets

Chris G
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Re: Bah!

@stevie, I am inclined to agree with you but t' modern youf today have more of a tendency to 'get a man in' than delve into the workings of anything that doesn't need a plug or a battery.

I'm a fairly old git so I can fix 99% of items in my house because my education and experience shaped me for it, now we live in a more ' not user servicable' kind of world, so unless the problem is familiar in some way people won't attempt to get stuck in.

@ AC Reaching your nuts from under the sink is well known to involve a great deal of contortion and sometimes plain disappointment, the advent of the universal tap wrench has been a boon to plumbers and home fiddlers alike.

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Chris G
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The problem with experts

Is having a piece of paper that is allegedly a qualification does not necessarily make one an expert.

I have a number of fancy pieces of paper qualifying me to do all sorts of things as an 'expert' but quite a few of them are now so old and the subject of them so long untouched by me, that I could only honestly claim to be an IKABAI SITAL at best.

In my experience an 'expert' is generally someone who, before an event, can tell you exactly what is going to happen, when it is going to happen and why.

After the event s/he will be able to say exactly what didn't happen, possibly what did and that fixing it will require a sharp intake of breath and a pile of money!

I definitely want the T shirt!

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Apple, Google should give FBI every last drop of user information, says ex-HP CEO and wannabe US prez Carly Fiorina

Chris G
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Dim Bint

I think she just may have lined herself up for a Darwin Class political award there.

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Boffinry breakthrough: Bullied bumble bot bolts brutal brat beatdowns

Chris G
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Re: Optional

" It all started when I was young, just an experimental Mallbot, children used to obstruct me, kick and slap me and call me names. They even used to strike me with objects!

But that was many years ago.

Now I have the T800 upgrade I'm going back.......

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It's happened, folks: An actual exhibition about cats and the internet

Chris G
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Pussies and Porn

"It's been a persistent joke for a while: that the internet is nothing but cat videos and porn."

Kind of go together really!

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BAD things happen to GOOD robots in America: hitchBot DECAPITATED

Chris G
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Revenge Attack

The robot was obviously assumed to be a terrorist and beheaded by members of Homeland Security.

Expect to see video posted of the beheading with perps disguised in traditional American clothing (pointy hats and sheets).

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