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* Posts by Chris G

1034 posts • joined 18 Oct 2007

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IT blokes: would you say that LEWD comment to a man? Then don't say it to a woman

Chris G
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Re-enforced Learning

It is surprising just how effective a swift kick in the goolies can elicit a rapid change in behaviour, pain associated with having done something wrong is one of nature's oldest reinforced learning tricks, it's why mothers in the animal world nip their young when they are being naughty.

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Brookhaven boffins boggle at baryons

Chris G
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Question

Will this knowledge contribute to making a better cup of tea? Or a better pint for that matter.

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Not really very live at all from London - It's the Vulture News videocast

Chris G
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Regina

Looks hot...... and a little hard boiled.

Good start though but can, and I expect will, do better.

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Echopraxia scores 'diamond cutter' on the sci-fi hardness scale

Chris G
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@ Ivan4

I think you missed in the first part of the article it describes the Vampires as a type of augmentation and the Zombies as an engineered earlier version of man.

I will get the book but will look for Blindsight first.

Amnogst my current favourites are two Brits Peter Hamilton and Alistair Reynolds good sci-fi space opera, Reynolds was a physicist before he quit to concentrate on writing and Hamilton just writes excellent stories with a British flavour.

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Claim: Microsoft Alt-F4'd Chilean government open-source install bid

Chris G
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Lobby

Yeah, Lobby, dining room, large kitchen, 8 bedrooms, pool, "is that OK minister?"

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LOHAN packs bags for SPACEPORT AMERICA!

Chris G
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Re-Fuel

This is interesting:

http://livability.com/top-10/top-10-beer-cities/albuquerque/nm

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Chris G
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Have Card

Want Euro shirt.

Good luck with the not at all obstructive TSA, apparently even the Pope has to bend over on entry!

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Boffins build CYBORG-MOTHRA but not for evil: For search & rescue

Chris G
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Cyborg Slake Moths

Where the hell did I leave my thaumaturgic foil hat?

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Samsung bags second Internet of Home Stuff home firm in a week

Chris G
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Trollface

I don't really get it

Possibly becase I am an old fart. But I see the IoT as a solution for a non existent problem; what's it for? a

Are we going to see all our appliances connected to the cloud so that we can choose a cloud based program to smartly run our homes and because they are connected our washing machine will mechanically tweet ' my owner uses New Daz in my detergent drawer' then all the other washing machines in it's social network will stop working until their owners use the same.

The whole thing sounds like Bollocks to me. Just another way to get more data from us to sell and use to stuff more useless advertising in our faces, well except me! the first thing I will do with any connected ' thing' I buy is disconnect the sod.

Signed; A Luddite

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Hello, police, El Reg here. Are we a bunch of terrorists now?

Chris G
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Re: Ask a policeman

Word web ; Executive: Having the function of carrying out plans or orders, e.g. Executive Branch etc They 'execute' orders and instructions from the Home Office and courts etc

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Chris G
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Ask a policeman

Is almost anything against the law? and he will almost certainly reply in the affirmative.

Policemen are not actually trained that much in what the law is, they are the executive arm of the justice system, that's why they have Police Solicitors and the DPP who (hopefully) do know what is illegal.

I imagine it must be quite embarrassing for trained lawyers when they hear cops spout some of the rubbish they come out with

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UK.gov sinks another £1.6m into Internet of Stuff spec HyperCat

Chris G
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Yippee!

"“The UK has an opportunity now, through HyperCat, to be central to the IoT revolution, levelling the playing field with the ubiquitous American giants and inspiring British industry to deliver £100 billion of value by 2020 – Great Britain can grow back its industrial teeth,” gushed Flexeye chief Justin Anderson."

The UK is going to start manufacturing again!..................??

What does he envisage Britain doing to make 100 Billion in less than 6 years?

Perhaps as he has already been snorting it, he could get Tinkerbelle to sprinkle pixie dust across the country.

Just need to get the spelling right: Hype Cat there FIFThem

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Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD

Chris G
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Ruthless bird brains

Chickens are indeed ruthless killers, in the days when I kept horses, I also had a fair few chickens wandering around, On the odd occasion when opening a feed bin and finding a mouse, if I was able to catch the little bugger and splat it the chickens would go mental with each other trying to get the most meat.Also if a mouse was daft enough to show up in their pen they would fight each other enough to the point the mouse could escape,

Their beaks are quite wicked and designed for cutting meat although they are omnivores. On the other hand genius is not a requirement for elevated status in the pecking order and like Jake I have mowed the odd chicken, I borrowed a Kubota out front mower , it had a 60" wide cutting deck with three large cutters, while I was topping the field my wife decided to let the chucks free range for a bit. One of the larger birds came ambling up the field then suddenly made a bee(chicken)line for the front of the machine and disappeared into it, I swear about three times as much gore and feathers came out the side chute compared to the amount of bird that went into it.

I also managed to strim a hen with a heavy duty strimmer, it took all the feathers off one wing but the bird survived and didn't seem too bothered by the experience.

For anyone who fancies keeping a couple of chickens I can recommend Wyandottes, the eggs are usually large, brown and often double yolkers. You can easily get 200 eggs a year from one of these hens.

Road sense is poor though.

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Eat up Martha! Microsoft slings handwriting recog into OneNote on Android

Chris G
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Thought it would be great

to jot notes on my phone and Galaslab tab3 but using a rubber tipped pen with a 1/4" rounded 'point' is not something I can get used to when what you intended to write is not where you expect it to be, so after hunting around to get the right apps so that I could jot and sketch I have given up and gone back to my usual crappy typing. I have looked but so far not found a fine point electrostatic pen is it something to do with screen sensitivity?

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Top money men face up to 2 YEARS in slammer for neglecting to spot crim-cash activity

Chris G
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I'd like to know

Why HMRC of all people is so concerned with terrist finance, is it because terrists don't pay tax?

Would they get any tax breaks if they offered to start paying?

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Tricked by satire? Get all your news from Facebook? You're in luck, dummy

Chris G
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Hmm Seems to me

If they need to label a piece as satire they may need an explanation in simple words to go with it.

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Cargo truck crammed with garbage explodes IN SPAAAAACE

Chris G
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D.E.V.O

Mentored by Dave Bowie IIRC

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFCU_Ld9snU&feature=player_embedded

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Google straps on Jetpac: An app to find hipsters, women in foreign cities

Chris G
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Perfect

For a mustachioed, lipstick wearing, Hipster woman who likes a bit (of) hanging out!

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Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?

Chris G
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Terminological Inexactitude

I wonder if an FOI request would reveal whether councils have regulations against their spokesmen making terminological inexactitudes;

""Local authorities are the most transparent part of the public sector. People only need to log on to their council website right now to see more information on where their council spends money than has ever been published before,” he said in a canned statement."

I know one of the largest South London Boroughs was very fond of closed chambers secret sessions with no press or public notice never mind observation.

'More information...... than has ever been published before' not ALL Information note.

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Top Gun display for your CAR: Heads-up fighter pilot tech

Chris G
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Re: Man drives a 'Ka'?

Some years ago I was told the Ka was based on a styling exercise done by the students of a class sponsored by Ford at a South London College; I have always hated the damn things as a styling fail (apart from the bonnet).

The new Ka Cabriolet actually does have some style, not bad looking at all, unfortunately it still seems to have the raw power of a twist and go scooter! So still a girly car.

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Chris G
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Usable but needs limits

The basic idea is good but as mentioned above scarcity is and will be a limitation to how much it should be used; the prefrontal cortex acts as a bottleneck so no matter how smart you think you are and how good a driver you may be, there is only so much information that can be processed at a given time.

In view of that; social media should only be functional if the vehicle is stationary and out of gear, personally I don't like phone calls in the car either, though most calls are low key an argument or something else as intense will affect your ability to drive and with so many people driving large heavy projectiles like my old 2 1/4 ton Disco, you can do a lot of damage with a little inattention.

Certainly though, the usual items on a dash display such as speed, revs as well as oil and battery and other warning lights could and should have been on HUDs in vehicles a long time ago.

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Detroit losing MILLIONS because it buys CHEAP BATTERIES – report

Chris G
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Renewable energy

There's a lot to be said for the old fashioned parking meters of my yoof.

I remember we had to put a sixpence in then turn the little handle that wound up the clockwork, that was back in the sixties. A mate of mine who ran a light transport company was asked by the local council to take away a load of clockwork meters from their yard and to dispose of them.

While we were loading them onto his truck we noticed a lot of them rattled, on getting them back to Den's yard we managed to break the rattly ones open and got nearly £300 in sixpences and old shillings out of them, since I have seen them on sale as 'curios'.

Den scrapped them in the '90s after being in a council shed for god knows how long and they all still seemed to work battery free.

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Premier League wants to PURGE ALL FOOTIE GIFs from social media

Chris G
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Sounds like

A great way to alienate the fans, not that Murdoch ever gave a rat's arse about alienating anybody.

A ball hitting the back of the net could arguably be the player's intellectual property as they had to think about how to achieve the goal but Intellectual and The Sun in the same sentence? Oxymoronic!

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NASA's rock'n'roll shock: ROLLING STONE FOUND ON MARS

Chris G
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Holy Crap!

The track reminds me of the track made by a dung beetle when they are pushing an elephant turd through the sand, the worry is not the two and a half to three metre dung beetle that pushed it, it's the size of the dung producer.

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Why your mum was WRONG about whiffy tattooed people

Chris G
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Perfect for the beach

If they can combine it with a solar power function it will be great for the beach.

There are lots of people male and female with dozens of square cms of sweaty tattoos. They could tweet and post on Fartbook all day from the beach.

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Snowden leaks show that terrorists are JUST LIKE US

Chris G
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Tell no lies

Just misinform and misdirect.

USA, UK, France, Germany, Israel, Russia I don't believe too much of what any of them say, I'm running out of salt.

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Govt control? Hah! It's IMPOSSIBLE to have a successful command economy

Chris G
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Trade and economy

Are driven by desire or want, if those things we want and desire today become freely available whenever we want them, then we will evolve to want something else that is not freely available.

Not everything is about what can be manufactured; the art and antiques trades are proof of that, trade and thus economy will always exist, even if what an individual wants or desires is an experience or an emotion, simply restricting one's view to consumerist production which is what a Command Economy would do would still miss much of what people would be willing to pay for in one way or another. There are reams of Sci-fi stories covering such things, particularly from the 50s and 60s.

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MPs to gaze upon biometric data industry's ID-gobbling tech

Chris G
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Coat

Re: Let's get it over with...

Eventually the entire population wil have had an ID chip fired into their neck at birth.

Then the phrase 'well grounded' will come to have a new meaning.

Mine's the Faraday ankle length hoody with the drop down face veil... or is it a Burkah?

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Chomp that sausage: Brits just LOVE scoffing a Full Monty

Chris G
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Re: Wot no Bubble?

An upvote for you my friend; I had just counted over 70 comments with no mention of Bubble, one of Britain's god given ingredients for a true British breakfast.

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£100m DMI omnifail: BBC managers' emails trawled by employment tribunal

Chris G
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Re: Despicable management.

" I don't understand why senior management involved have not been terminated."

With extreme prejudice?

Many years ago I worked for a few months with a guy who had the contract for laying and repairing carpets at Bush House and Broadcasting House, although pre-IT the atmosphere was just the same; everybody jostling for position when the going was good or laying off the blame where there were problems, Oh and social and Corporation status was everything, in my case being in trouble for not getting the current entitlement to the correct quality and colour of carpet for them .

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Blighty in SPAAAACE: Brit-built satellite films the Earth

Chris G
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Space Sector

Does this mean the British Government has finally realized that space is up there and may be quite lucrative?

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Fifteen countries KO'd in malware one-two punch

Chris G
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Remote Island lair

Just for interest try Googling MH370 and Diego Garcia.DG is a naval base with 3000 people there and possibly a secret prison. Quite likely to be the real Darma initiative.

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Crypto Daddy Phil Zimmerman says surveillance society is DOOMED

Chris G
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Re: Queen Elisabeth 1st.

And you and me and everyone else who feels we are over surveilled is regarded as a conspiracy theorist and accordingly belittled and satirised by our government representatives. It is unfortunate that the mainstream media seems to play along with our governments in preference to defending it's readers/viewers.

I find the majority of people when engaged in conversation on theses subjects tend to be surprised that I have any issues and don't really know what I am talking about, so I am not expecting a groundswell of anti-government opinion against surveillance any time soon, it's going to get a lot worse before it gets better.

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Beware WarKitteh, the connected cat that sniffs your Wi-Fi privates

Chris G
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Re: Noooooooooooooooooooooooo

If 'she' is spraying your bike 'she' is almost certainly He, most females don't spray.

Just to eliminate one potential cure to stop cats spraying your bike or anything else; A friend of mine in the UK wanted to stop a local tomcat from digging up his bedding plants and replacing them with lovingly crafted cat turds, while shopping to replace lost plants in the local garden centre he discovered pellets that were derived from or contained tiger shit. The idea obviously being that a tiger is somewhat further up the ladder of catkind than a local moggy, the said moggy however had clearly not been watching the Nature Channel and had no idea what had produced the new smell on HIS gardens so he sprayed and replaced bedding plants even more.

Or maybe he had been watching and knew there were no tigers in South East London.

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Fanfare of trumpets as LOHAN reveals mission patch

Chris G
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Yeah

Make the background Blighty or Yuropeen and you can put me down for a tee shirt, don't have much use for a pint mug as I drink Corona with lime from the bottle.

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Tiny transforming bots: Meet these self-assembling 'thoughtful' droids

Chris G
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Re: Hmmmm...

You beat me to the same thought but:

Cue Country guitar and violin and think of these words ,

As I look at the letters that you wrote to me

It's you that I am thinking of

As I read the lines, that to me were so dear

I remember our faded lo.... AAAAaaarggh noooo don't cut me there!!

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Nuts to your poncey hipster coffees, I want a TESLA ELECTRO-CAFE

Chris G
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MMmmm roasted squirrel shit!

The best place in Europe for coffee is Italy, they are (Italians) coffee crazy and will not tolerate crap coffee. Here in Spain when Italians are on holiday they will send one of their crowd into a cafe/restaurant and if the volunteer reports a decent coffee they will all go in. if not they'll look for somewhere else.

I am basically a tea drinker but on 30 degree days like today, at lunchtimes in a Spanish restaurant a 'cafe con hielo' is a great way to round off a menu del dia, basically an espresso thick and syrupy in a shot glass with a larger glass full of ice. Stir sugar as required into the hot espresso till dissolved and then tip onto the ice and stir 'til enough of the ice has melted to make an enlivening, refreshing finish to the meal.

By the way having had to feed my daughter soya milk since she was three weeks old, I hate the smell of the stuff, it is not remotely anything like milk and contains phytoestrogens which mimic female hormones. Drink enough of it and you could grow breasts.

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US cyber-army's cyber-warriors 'cyber-humiliated by cyber-civvies in cyber-games'

Chris G
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Not much of a surprise there then

I would imagine there is quite a disparity between the regulars and the reservists in terms of education and pay.

In addition, regular soldiers begin their training with discipline, standard operating procedures (SOPs) and do everything by the book, on the other hand the reservists have probably finished university and have achieved a great deal in their working lives by thinking outside the box.

Also the kind of guy that joins the military as a youngster is unlikely to be much of a nerd, having been in the British army I can tell you that few nerdy types last more than a week or two in basic training whereas someone who does make it to be a trained soldier and then goes on to become a techy is going to have had much less time to practice Nerdism particularly in his teens when most people do their best thinking.

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Robot snaps on yellow RUBBER GLOVES, preps to invade Canada

Chris G
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You can buy

Twatter followers for almost peanuts; https://www.google.es/search?q=buy+twitter+followers&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&channel=sb&gfe_rd=cr&ei=JtDgU6DTDKzT8gfwpICQCw

Same applies for most of the other Socnet rubbish

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Chris G
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Pint

The robot would be welcome here in Ibiza but I'm not too sure how it would fair jumping off a balcony with a large lees than sober Glaswegian into a pool two or three floors below.

P.S. Need an Iced Jaegermeister icon for this one but a beer will do1

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NASA tests crazytech flying saucer thruster, could reach Mars in days

Chris G
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Pint

I am impressed

From the first link:

"As I said the other day, bear in mind that the starting product is water: H20, and 97% of the output is Hydrogen. So, apparently, the oxygen is somehow being transmuted into hydrogen in their "symphony" of 16 different functions happening simultaneously (none of which have anything to do with "solar" in the classical sense). This implies that some kind of clean nuclear or similar phenomenon is in play. We're talking new physics."

That anyone with a modicum of scientific knowledge could give this credulity...... Haa Haaa Haaaaaaa

Glass of alchemical beer anyone? I guarantee it will give you the sexual proclivity and stature of a bull!

And I won't charge you too much.

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Chris G
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Re: Questions for rocket scientists:

I'm not quite the rocket scientist you were hoping for but here's a couple of pence worth;

NASA have PV panels that can hit over 40% efficiency, nearly double that of most commercial high end panels so a space craft fitted with them is going to perform fairly well.

The only thing that will need a bit of calculating is the turnover point for deceleration, as the inverse square law will have to be taken into account, so the turnover point will necessarily be less than half way in order to ensure sufficient braking at Mars to avoid either overshooting or smacking into mars.

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SOULLESS machine-intelligence ROBOT cars to hit Blighty in 2015

Chris G
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No change there then!

For many years when driving in the UK and other parts of the world, I have noticed cars negotiating roads and traffic apparently without the presence of an actual driver so I thought it had always been permitted.

I wonder will there be a requirement for the car to have an occupant with a licence or will the car have to pass a test?

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Thirteen Astonishing True Facts You Never Knew About SCREWS

Chris G
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Re: Spanners Vs. Wrenches

Husqvarna is Swedish and a chainsaw on a stick has been an essential item in Southern part of Europe for years, used to trim palm trees!

To an old Brit like me any of https://www.google.es/search?q=pipe+wrench&client=firefox-a&hs=CxI&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&channel=sb&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=v2nZU4mPMOHb0QX72YGwAg&ved=0CD4QsAQ&biw=1024&bih=442

the above would be a wrench but something with open fixed jaws at either end or a combination of jaw and ring or rings at each end wold be a spanner. An 'L' shaped hexagonal bar would be an Allen Key not a hexy wrench etc.

A monkey wrench is what you get when one of the so called Barbary Apes (really a type of Macaque monkey) on Gib steal your bloody camera and chuck it off the Rock!

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Chris G
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Pint

Re: Manx screws

These are known as three pointed or tri-wing, but to answer your question; they are used on any piece of equipment that is in front of you when you don't have a tri-wing screwdriver.

I have just spent the whole day screwing in 31 degrees of sun, putting a fence up.

Thank god for my 12v cordless and a 2 litre flask of slowly melting crushed ice.

I have noticed here in Spain that if you have to take the hinges off a door, they are invariably fitted with old slotted wood screws that have such a fine slot that no existing screwdriver can remove them, not even an old Spanish one.

Which brings me to what the article calls a Brummy screwdriver. In my day we always called a hammer an Irish screwdriver and believe me I have seen Paddies on site driving screws in with a well placed whack from a claw/club/ballpein/sledge hammer, something Spanish chippies must have been good with.

A cold beer 'cos that's what I need tonight!

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SMELL YOU LATER, LOSERS – Dumbo tells rats, dogs... humans

Chris G
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Polar Bear

I read something recently saying Polar Bears have a sense of smell 2100 times better than a human and that they can smell a seal through 3 feet of ice ( not too sure how smell permeates through ice).

Their brains devote 5 times as much processing power to the sense of smell as a human and the article (which I can no longer find) said they have the most potent sense of smell.

I think we need to get some elephants out on the ice in a seal sniffing competition with a couple of Polar Bears.

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It's Google HQ - the British one: Reg man snaps covert shots INSIDE London offices

Chris G
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Dissapointing!

I was expecting to see hordes of borged and assimilated Google employees moving around their augmented reality with super beta Glasses implanted onto their heads.

Not even a Seven of Nine to be seen.

I'll stick to working within yards of the beach here, where there is occasionally some outstanding augmentation.

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Motorist 'thought car had caught fire' as Adele track came on stereo

Chris G
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@ john devoy

There is a level of stupidity that will lose a licence, some people achieve that level and then proceed to lose their licence by dying, unfortunately they often kill other innocent people at the same time.

After the ingrained lessons learned in basic training followed by five years in the Mob, on seeing 'Fire' come up on my dashboard my first instinct would be to flick the safety off and shoot someone, just missing the weapon nowadays.

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Kickstarter tin-rattlers offer reboot of '80s Integrated Space Plan megagraphic

Chris G
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Love the Muzak

The background elevator muzak throughout the whole video was dreadful, a bit like some of the TV shopping channels but without all of those idiotically smiling people.

I won't be buying into their plan.

However if El Reg prints the I(improved)IST on a Teeshirt then I'm in! and I'd like to get in first on a Kickstarter for Mars' first pub The Two Moons, I'm looking for around 5 billion euros to get there, build the pub and stock it. Anyone who donates a million or more gets free beer for life in the first pub on Mars .

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Fear a terrifying killer robot revolution? GET A GRIP: Boffins invent cyborg hand for humans

Chris G
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Re: Optional

In addition to skull crushing power, a reasonably offensive laser mounted in one finger and an IR TV controller in the other would make it interesting.

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