Posts by Michael O'Malley

Confession

I wish to confess. At the time, I was a very precocious and well-built 11-year-old. I was dazzled by the wonderful film star who lured me on. My life was changed by the experience, and I am still unable to have sex except with famous film stars. This has caused difficulties, and the cost has limited my sexual exploits severely. However, most film stars find they can afford my fees if they take out a loan. Naturally, I am demanding return of my advertising film and am suing for breach of copyright.

Silly obsessive Brits

Why do you British insist on wetting yourselves every time you see a swastika shape? The Nazis used it, but it's an ancient symbol, thousands of years old - nothing to do with fascism or mass murder..

It's like your obsession with associating Germany with Nazism. The rest of the world has moved on, but I guess it's natural if you are a former first class country steadily sinking into the lower divisions

@Dave Edmondston

This ad was used in Ireland too. If anyone complained, I doubt if ASAI (the Irish ASA) would take it seriously. Ryanair may have to obey what the ASA say, but they are entitled to call it a load of horse pucky, if that is their opinion. It's called freedom of speech, a strange notion, but often popular in democracies.

Water

As most British pints are like making love in a canoe**, who cares? Foreign booze normally comes in litre measurements, so order by the litre for safety.

**Yes, dear, it's f##king close to water.

It gets much, much worse.

They also found a contraband plasma TV in one major criminal's cell. Omigod, are we dealing with a whale here?

The Spartans were right

Now I understand what the ancient Spartans were thinking of. Those old Greeks** used to expose unwanted children on the hillsides to be eaten by wolves.

Judging by some British children who holiday over here in Ireland, we would prefer the wolves.

**(no dear, not like Prince Philip. These old Greeks were really, really long ago)

Donkey report is making an ass of you

The Irish donkey sex case was a joke article. As a major hint for people of very little brain, note the name of the receptionist in the story - Ms. Legova . There is of course no Unlawful Accommodation of Donkeys Act 1837.

This is a thing we Irish call "humour". You should try it sometime, it's a laugh.

The British always had trouble with Irish humour. A century ago, British writers reported how Irish peasants addressed their social betters. They did not say Sir and Madam, but "Sor" and "Mam". It was assumed that they were uneducated, and knew no better.

The Irish peasants were being funny. In the Irish language, "sor" means a louse, while "mam" means a tit (as in bra, not tree). Touching the forelock to the passing gentry, they were saying loudly "Good day, louse and tit."

And the English-speaking gentry were pleased to see all the smiling Irish faces repeating the greeting as they passed.