Posts by Senor Beavis
110 posts • joined Wednesday 10th October 2007 11:23 GMT
Senor Beavis
Not the worst Cambridge Uni naming decision... → #
Posted Tuesday 10th November 2009 10:27 GMT
In Cambridge Uni cheerleaders in naming FAIL

There was of course the ill-fated Netball Team
Senor Beavis
ITV3 & ITV4 → #
Posted Tuesday 29th September 2009 12:41 GMT
In Freeview website titsup ahead of big retune

How can I ensure I'm one of the 400,000?
Senor Beavis
@Mad as a Bat → #
Posted Thursday 13th November 2008 17:12 GMT
In Royal Society of Chemistry defines perfect Yorkshire pud

I'm now copying and pasting the recipe using a "Peeee Ceeeee", thereby providing the heretofore absent IT angle
Senor Beavis
"Wipe clean tool" → #
Posted Wednesday 5th November 2008 16:19 GMT
In Firefox hits 20% share as testers tickle 'pr0n mode'

A pun too far?
Senor Beavis
Keep up at the back → #
Posted Monday 4th August 2008 09:22 GMT
In Dell files patent office application for 'cloud computing'

First used the phrase in 2007? Has El Reg been shirking off school for a cheeky fag behind the bikesheds rather attended IT Buzzphrase classes with the malodorous Mr Jenkins?
Minus 10 house points. And stop chucking spit balls at Miss Bee - you'll only give her issues in later life.
Senor Beavis
Bored → #
Posted Friday 27th June 2008 13:19 GMT
In North Carolina targets WTF licence plates

Having a slow Friday - can El Reg invent some news, please?
Senor Beavis
Gone to the zoo → #
Posted Wednesday 25th June 2008 15:09 GMT
In Facebook takes a break

Could "gone to the zoo" replace "outage" in all IT-related announcements, please? It would brighten up my day no end...
Senor Beavis
Holy crap → #
Posted Monday 23rd June 2008 10:26 GMT
In Phoenix spies probable Martian water ice

Screw the ice discovery - what ungodly animal made those rectangular footprints so close to the lander? YOUR CAMERA NEEDS TO LOOK UP NOT DOWN
[Nurse? Is it time for my meds?]
Senor Beavis
I bet the shoe's on the other foot, now → #
Posted Friday 20th June 2008 15:17 GMT
In Sixth British Columbia stray foot a hoax

That is all
Senor Beavis
Or possibly it should give the cops paws for thought → #
Posted Friday 20th June 2008 15:17 GMT
In Sixth British Columbia stray foot a hoax

I thank you
Senor Beavis
Funny... → #
Posted Thursday 19th June 2008 13:23 GMT
In Oxford tops Blighty university rankings

Thought Hull would have had a better showing. Oxford's a complete dump.
Mine's the one that is so cunning you can brush your teeth with it.
Senor Beavis
See YOU next Tuesday → #
Posted Thursday 12th June 2008 15:52 GMT
In Firefox record breaker sets the date

Cheeky bast**ds, the lot of you
Senor Beavis
Fecked → #
Posted Tuesday 10th June 2008 14:06 GMT
In Angry? Try the Tw*t-O-Tron

Message now on IYLISMWDYGLT:
"It's broke cos there's fecking millions of you coming to look at it.
"I mean, I'm not going to start actually PAYING proper money to host this. And adverts are shit. So you'll just have to wait until the load dies down a bit, then I'll put it back.
"In the meantime, why not go and sign a petition or chain yourself to some railings. Go on. It's about time you did something useful.
"Maybe you should go and read something on Media Lens or sign up for their Media Alerts."
Senor Beavis
That's snow leopard, it's a hyena → #
Posted Tuesday 10th June 2008 10:28 GMT
In Apple's Snow Leopard to cut the bloat from Mac OS X

That is all. I believe that's my coat and taxi
Senor Beavis
How the...? → #
Posted Monday 9th June 2008 11:00 GMT
In Police probe pirate-DVD detecting dog's demise
Sad news about the mutt, but I'm intrigued: how does a pirate DVD smell different to a legit one? I'm genuinely interested if anyone knows how the dogs can be trained to differentiate.
Senor Beavis
SuperNAP? → #
Posted Wednesday 4th June 2008 10:36 GMT
In Blighty joins killer robot club with Afghan strike
"The stick-jockeys in charge of takeoff and landing are physically present near the runways in theatre, but the robot killers are handled in action from facilities near Las vegas."
Wild speculation, I know, but could the Las Vegas location be the Switch SuperNAP, by any chance, given it's teeming with ex-mil staff already?
Senor Beavis
Screw the battery - let's focus on the real story → #
Posted Monday 2nd June 2008 10:12 GMT
In Asus offers Brits Eee PC 900 battery swap plan

I approve of new Eee PC girl, and it looks like she's on the way to getting drunk.
Senor Beavis
What a twat → #
Posted Thursday 29th May 2008 10:22 GMT
In French FNARRista speed-cam bomber scores own goal

That is all
Senor Beavis
"heralded by a 'loud noise'" → #
Posted Wednesday 28th May 2008 12:58 GMT
In ISS toilet fails to suck

The mind boggles. Was it a yelp of pain during an explosive bowel movement?
Presumably freeze-packed vindaloo has now been taken back off the supplies manifest?
I would have worn the one with pebble-dashing on the back, though I've had it burned for reasons of basic health and safety.
Senor Beavis
13,000mph -> 5mph → #
Posted Friday 23rd May 2008 13:08 GMT
In NASA's Phoenix braces for Sunday touch-down

The boffins should have researched London buses before designing the lander. Bus drivers appear to be able to decelerate from extremely high speeds to a stop without warning at nearly every bus stop based on my observations of flying shopping bags, kids' buggies and old ladies.
Mine's the one with scuff marks and blood on it.
Senor Beavis
El Reg Party (2) → #
Posted Thursday 22nd May 2008 12:21 GMT
In Tories show they're ready for government...

Right - that's three votes for the El Reg party. And that's at least twenty more than UKIP and Veritas apiece.
Senor Beavis
El Reg Party → #
Posted Thursday 22nd May 2008 10:08 GMT
In Tories show they're ready for government...

Dear El Reg,
I am fighting off waves of despair at the thought of having to choose between the range of incompetent, directionless buffoons that collectively call themselves political parties. At least the Monster Raving Loony Party is transparent in its purpose.
In order to prevent my current option of writing c**t in the box adjacent to each candidate in the next general election, may I propose that El Reg forms a party whose manifesto is clear:
1. Flying cars by 2015
2. Scrap ID cards
3. Sort out NHS IT
4. Mandatory encryption of public data before transport
5. Specific entertainment budget for MPs to engage in off-colour activities, possibly involving alcohol, football shirts, wildlife and hidden cameras, mainly for the general amusement of the voting public. Hey, it's going to happen regardless, so you might as well be up-front about it, right?
This helpful move would allow me to vote for a group of people I felt at least lived on the same planet as I did. Though you could get amanfromMars to write your press releases to confuse stupid people.
Hugs,
Senor Beavis
xx
Senor Beavis
@ Greg → #
Posted Monday 19th May 2008 14:32 GMT
In BBC's Today Programme shutters message board

Genius site. Do you share my view that the posts in the site were in fact originally authored by TVGOHOME?
Gosh, isn't it always illiterate, narrow-minded f**k weasels who have the time to respond to articles?
Senor Beavis
@ Andrew Oakley → #
Posted Friday 16th May 2008 14:15 GMT
In Thus spake the Moderatrix

Usenet Oracle vs The Moderatrix - FIGHT
No contest, in my opinion. The Moderatrix wins on the following counts:
1. Is female
2. Is not beardy
3. Does not think wearing shorts to work is an acceptable fashion choice for men
4. Does not collect ancient Sun kit
5. Fights dirty
Cease and desist before you get spanked.
Happy POETS day, all.
Senor Beavis
Good morning - It's Groundhog Day ! → #
Posted Thursday 15th May 2008 14:08 GMT
In Life a mess? The Moderatrix can help

Reg Comments seems to be taking on a life of its own. However most of the time it's just like Groundhog Day with the same content regardless of the story.
Can we have a clear classification system for posters?
The "Me Too" - Nothing to say so I'll agree with someone else just to get a posting on the board.
The "Knocker" - Doesn't know the subject that well but that smug know-it-all who does needs taking down a peg or two!
The "Last one Laughing" - Take everything literally and suffers a total humour failure
The "First Past The Post" - Reads every other word in 10 sec flat and posts inflammatory drivel in a surge of adrenalin.
The "Troll" - The traditional stirrer position
There are more of course. I think this system could really streamline the comments
:o)
Senor Beavis
@Stu Reeves → #
Posted Friday 2nd May 2008 11:06 GMT
In DARPA reveals 2009 hyperplane test schedule

What a swizz. It's clearly a Python from Elite, which means you'll always see it running away from you as you laser its ass.
Mine's the one with "Right On Commander" on the back
Senor Beavis
Just wanted to use the icon → #
Posted Wednesday 30th April 2008 13:27 GMT
In Vultures crash out of the Indian skyscape

That is all
Senor Beavis
O2 PR staff in can't-use-telephone-equipment shocker → #
Posted Wednesday 9th April 2008 14:50 GMT
In O2 PR calls Reg readers 'techie nerds'

Presumably Bill Ray has forwarded a courtesy copy of this article to the PR droids' boss, so he/she knows who should be up against the wall first when O2 begins to haemorrhage customers?
I believe this coat belongs to O2...
Senor Beavis
coming first → #
Posted Tuesday 8th April 2008 11:10 GMT
In Asus avoids Atom to get next Eee PC out early?

Childish but funny. Carry on.
Senor Beavis
Disguise your emails → #
Posted Wednesday 2nd April 2008 10:01 GMT
In How an app called WarmTouch nailed a grenade-stockpiling cyber extortionist
In the same way as you would distort your voice on phone calls, run your email through google translation tools to a foreign language and back again, or ideally something offline now I think a bit about it. Master crim I am not
Senor Beavis
Measuring diameter of black holes → #
Posted Wednesday 2nd April 2008 09:49 GMT
In Galaxy's smallest known black hole discovered

"Hold me legs while I get me tape measure out"
Senor Beavis
reality distortion field → #
Posted Wednesday 2nd April 2008 09:42 GMT
In Reg April Fools '08

By the end of yesterday I had no fookin' clue which were real stories anymore. So I went to the pub and drank to forget. Photo of me later attached
Senor Beavis
I concur → #
Posted Thursday 27th March 2008 18:01 GMT
In First permitted in-flight mobile call made

Mobile phone calls may only be taken outside the aircraft. That is all
Senor Beavis
WHOOO! Go UK → #
Posted Thursday 27th March 2008 16:51 GMT
In T5 opening turns into Airplane 3.0

Yet another commendable success to show our European neighbours.
Unless it's a French conspiracy to scupper our football and air travel to make Sarko look good.
And remind me, we're planning to build a shed-load of nuclear power stations? Is anyone else considering moving to the Southern Hemisphere before they come online?
Senor Beavis
I for one → #
Posted Thursday 27th March 2008 10:14 GMT
In El Reg offers cut-and-paste comments service

I for one welcome our new cut-n-paste comment overlords
Senor Beavis
Ewwwwww → #
Posted Tuesday 25th March 2008 13:14 GMT
In LG's slider promises 'feel of human skin'

Feeling like cold, dead skin can't be a selling point, surely? Ick
Senor Beavis
Holy shit → #
Posted Tuesday 25th March 2008 11:56 GMT
In Marathon ships He-Man virtual machine protector

amanfromMars' comment made sense. You are not amanfromMars
Senor Beavis
Free autopsy → #
Posted Thursday 20th March 2008 11:45 GMT
In Mega-mortuary creaks open its doors in Westminster

I recall a story of an eminent forensic who used to say to rookie cops during their first attendance at a post-mortem examination that anyone found horizontal would be treated to a free autopsy...
Senor Beavis
TJ versus TK → #
Posted Tuesday 18th March 2008 16:06 GMT
In Supermarket loses 4.2 million credit card details

Why in the name of all that is holy is it TJ Maxx stateside and TK Maxx in Brit land?
Senor Beavis
Space robot → #
Posted Tuesday 18th March 2008 15:57 GMT
In Space robot goes operational at ISS

I for one welcome our space-dwelling robotic overlord
Senor Beavis
@ Avi → #
Posted Tuesday 18th March 2008 09:52 GMT
In Net think tank: Phorm is illegal

FIPR isn't a government body in itself, however it is made up of intelligent, well-informed and articulate individuals who advise government (and occasionally government listens).
Just take a look at their list of trustees (http://www.fipr.org/trustees.html) and I'm sure regular readers of El Reg will recognise some of the names. I have had the privilege of knowing some of those mentioned.
In situations such as this where groups are campaigning on your behalf, please remember to consider making a donation to allow them to keep doing what they do best (http://www.fipr.org/friends.html).
Senor Beavis
Long goodbyeeee → #
Posted Wednesday 12th March 2008 11:56 GMT
In Anti-trust committee checks out Windows 7

Vista's en route to that place where Betamax, HD DVD and Windows ME have gone. They're all sitting there dunking low-quality biscuits in weak tea in that room in hell for also-rans.
And as I'm feeling zero-tolerance today, if anyone is considering arguing the toss that Betamax and HD DVD were technologically superior, which company would you have preferred to invest in?
Vista = overly expensive, copy-cat tosh pushed by a company that insults its customers by telling them that what they really, really need are superficial features and a trip to the shops to buy a faster fscking PC to run the damn thing. They haven't even succeeded in taking significant market share away from THEIR OWN PRODUCT.
Flame on m****rf*****s
Senor Beavis
Folding in half → #
Posted Monday 10th March 2008 12:23 GMT
In MIT plans to roll out 'folding' car

I've been in the compartment of a shopping trolley when someone attempted to insert a further trolley from behind. What's to stop a traffic jam of these infernal machines turning the occupants into human jam?
Senor Beavis
Is anyone else... → #
Posted Thursday 6th March 2008 13:14 GMT
In Government set to 'destroy' UK radio astronomy

...misreading STFC as STFU? I am gloriously offended every time an article about them appears on the Reg
Senor Beavis
@ Mark → #
Posted Wednesday 5th March 2008 23:47 GMT
In IBM takeover of Telelogic is cleared

Anyone who names a product "Synergy" deserves to be sacrificed to the grammar trolls on the decimation thread
Senor Beavis
That's great for Microsoft → #
Posted Tuesday 4th March 2008 17:01 GMT
In Vista volume activation cracked

It's the only way the take-up rate of Vista will ever increase
Senor Beavis
Pedantry it may be, however... → #
Posted Tuesday 4th March 2008 14:34 GMT
In El Reg decimates English language
... there's no harm in striving for accurate usage of English. Just using UK newspapers as an example, I've observed spelling to be more slapdash since the advent of all-pervasive spell-checkers, mainly because the onus is now on the word processing application rather than the author to proof-read their own content.
Yes indeed language is evolving and new meanings are ascribed to old words, however the original purpose of good grammar and punctuation was to assist the reader in understanding what was meant by the author. Unfortunately, my overriding impression is that there is less emphasis on grammar and spelling in schools, so kids are less likely to be able to interpret and use them to their benefit.
I am often embarrassed when I encounter someone whose second language is English and whose use of spelling and grammar is better than a native speaker or writer. My own writing is by no means completely accurate all of the time but at least that's what I'm aiming for. That's not a bad objective, surely?
Senor Beavis
Will have the opposite effect (on kids at least) → #
Posted Monday 11th February 2008 13:54 GMT
In More videogames to face censor scrutiny

So essentially more games will be reviewed and as a result more will be classified 15 or 18. So what? The comparable action on films hasn't exactly stifled the film industry.
Given that games are increasingly photo-realistic (ignoring the cut-scenes), what is the objection to classifying ultra-violence in the same way as films?
However, it's not going to stop under 15s/18s getting hold of games they're not meant to be sold in the first place. If anything, an 18 certificate may encourage them to buy something they otherwise wouldn't have bothered to simply on the basis that they're not meant to.
Quick straw poll, how many people when they were under-18s successfully got into an 18-rated film (possibly through cunning use of bumfluff) and derived some kind of faint thrill from beating the system?
And on a final note, purely to ditch any vestiges of credibility, Tanya Byron can put me on the naughty step any time she wants. Coat and taxi, ta
Senor Beavis
Illegal in the UK → #
Posted Tuesday 5th February 2008 19:55 GMT
In More remote workers squatting next door's broadband

Goodness knows I'm not a law pedant, however I remember some poor sod was prosecuted for using the free WiFi connection of an internet cafe from outside. If I recollect correctly, it constituted tresspass. If the luckless soul had bought a coffee before doing exactly the same thing, he'd have been fine.
Point is: just because it's free, unsecured (or still on default passwords, natch), you're not supposed to hook up without the consent of the WiFi owner. It's bad, m'kay?
Senor Beavis
Universal Soldiers → #
Posted Tuesday 5th February 2008 16:29 GMT
In MIT and TI to produce low energy chips
Presumably DARPA is trying to avoid the problem of overheating that affected the prototype so-called "Universal Soldiers", as vividly shown in that excellent '90s documentary of the same name