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* Posts by Chris Hawkins

91 posts • joined 9 Oct 2007

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Mexican drink-driver shopped to cops - by his own gobby parakeet

Chris Hawkins
Linux

That bird better watch it or he'll be an "ex-papagayo"!

He'll get done by whichever Mexican gang or cartel now believes it owns the rights to the following famous mariachi song.....

http://youtu.be/9Zvd5Mbdqkg

"...Está borracho, está borracho", in Spanish, sounds to me suspiciously close to "..La Cucaracha, la Cucaracha...."

<exits>..rapidly through tunnel under the border to safer climes(?)....</exits>

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MINING in SPAAAACE! Asteroid-scoopers? Nah - consumers will be the real winners

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Extra-Terrestrial Porcine Press Headlines??

"PIG IRON IN SPAAAAACE!!!"

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Beijing leans on Microsoft to maintain Windows XP support

Chris Hawkins

How the world has changed!

10 years ago, Microsoft might, repeat, might have just listened, and only listened, to the White House if a similiar request had been made.

10 years on, with US power and influence waning on many fronts, Beijing feels it is now a "major world" equal to the US and can "front-down" Microsoft and make demands like these!

I love it!!!

(gave up XP in 2004 after a little trojan incident involving a download from a (had to be!) Chinese server and living happily ever since on Debian!!!!)

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NASA-backed fusion engine could cut Mars trip down to 30 days

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Hand the project over to SpaceX

NASA should have made the funding conditional on the geeks at the University of Washington working with SpaceX!

This would achieve the following:

1) A much faster development and implemtation time.

2) Elon Musk has said he wants to get to Mars!

This would achieve this objective much more quickly than anticipated and, at the same time, probably please NASA, SpaceX competitors and Anti-Teslans in getting him out the way, especially if the deceleration phase failed and he found himself en route to Titan or Europa!!! (Sorry, Elon! I'm a great fan but the thought does amuse me!)

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I am NOT a PC repair man. I will NOT get your iPad working

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Re: This is all too familiar.

"....I tell them that if they decide they want to run some form of Unix, then I'm their man."

I suggest that they email an expert I know that goes by the name of TUX! ;)))

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Red wine may be ELIXIR OF YOUTH

Chris Hawkins
Linux

What about G&T's?

Can we now, please, have some research on the properties of G&T's??

If similiar results ensue, the wife will be eternally grapeful!!!

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Bacon sarnies can kill: Official

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Re: ...and now I must warn about the the Danger or drinking Water

"....Right, I'm off to find a zebra crossing...."

Did you find it?.....

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Chris Hawkins
Linux

...and now I must warn about the the Danger or drinking Water

As a follow-up to this announcement, I think only fair to warn and remind Hon. El Reg readers of the dangers of drinking WATER!

Approximately 99.999999999999999999999999% (allowing for statistical error) percent of humans expire owing to old age!

Approximately 99.999999999999999999999999% (allowing for statistical error) percent of humans drink water, in some form, throughout their lives!

Does it require penguin logic not to rationally assume that Pure Old H20 is in someway responsible for their demise??

I rest my case

<Thinks> Right! Off to the kitchen for a bacon sarmy!</thinks>

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BRITAIN MUST DECLARE WAR on Cervinaean menace

Chris Hawkins
Linux

How about some genetically generated sabre tooth tigers?

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Mind-melded rats could herald organic BRAIN-COMPUTERS

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Two beings required: Mars 2018

I am totally with those who are affronted by the use of animals in this way. It is like the researchers who wired up a cat a couple of years ago to be able to see through its eyes!

On light thought, seem to remember that rodents were involved in the research leading to "the answer is 42" in Hitchhikers Guide. If they are that bright maybe they or their Borgish descendants should be given the chance, as an apology, to do the Mars Mission in 2018!!

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Squillionaire space tourist offers oldsters a holiday to Mars

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Another Likely UK Pair

Wallace and Grommit???

They've already done the moon, just need the Wensleydale and a cuppa!!!! ;)))

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World+Dog don't care about climate change, never have done

Chris Hawkins
Linux

World+Dog

Don't understand where K9s fit into this story????

As far as I know they have never expressed any thoughts on the issue of climate change!

;))))

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Singaporean men in naked web cam extortion scam

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Naked Web Cam?

I've heard about the weirdest fetishes in my time but a "Naked Web Cam"????

Please!!!!!!

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Curiosity photographs mysterious metal object on Martian rock

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Part of a ""Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator" ?????''

Wait for the "Ka-Boooom"!

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Oh, those crazy Frenchies: Facebook faces family photo tax in France

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Re: I'm sorry...

Regards Romania, I have to disagree!

Have been there and used such services. (Roads are another story!) Point being there are plenty low cost transport services to choose from.

As regards Germany, I would have agreed with your comments until a few days ago when I came across:

https://www.berlinlinienbus.de

http://www.deinbus.de/

http://www.reisebus24.de/

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Chris Hawkins
Linux

Re: I'm sorry...

This has already happened in the low-cost airline sector.

A couple of years ago, St. Michael of O'Leary closed Paddyair's bases in France because the French Govt. went after Ryanair's staff employment contracts which I understand were drafted under Irish law. Several, until then, very lucrative and useful internal routes were lost, as were local jobs, and of course, nos amis francaises had to revert to travelling on the relatively expensive TGV. (owned by the French Govt.) Unlike, the UK, Spain, Portugal, Germany, Romania where there are excellent networks of intercity bus routes, there are very few or none, within France. Consequently, if you look at a map of low-cost flight/travel routes in France, they are, in the majority, from French airports to external destinations. Compared with the rest of Europe, France, internally, is like a big black hole.

That is what is going to happen with the web in France if they carry on with this proposal. I have no problems about Governments' seeking reasonable tax revenues, but the Elysee has really got to understand that the time has come to open up the French digital (and general) economy, or more and more potential investors will avoid the country like the plague and existing ones will close down operations.

L'affaire Depardieu has already proved that!

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'Doomsday' asteroid Apophis more massive than first thought

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Apopis - Send SG1

No Need to panic!

This scenario has already been envisaged.

http://youtu.be/JvBsXxNc7k8

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Toy train company bids for West Coast Mainline

Chris Hawkins

Re: I ride that particular section of railway.

Sir, I think your comment that is demeaning to the management capacity of a zoo full of drunken monkeys!

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Japanese cops cuff cat carrying remote control virus

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Is this the precursor for a new type of "cat flu"??

What bothers me with this report is that there is a disturbing world-wide trend beginning to emerge of felines being involved in criminal activity where tech is involved!

A few days ago we had the case of the "duck-taped" moggie trying to get into a Brazilian jail.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-latin-america-20922275

Now This!!

There has been an ongoing discussion on Quora.com about whether or not Felis catus are controlled by Satan!

http://www.quora.com/Joke-Question/What-do-I-do-if-my-cat-is-controlled-by-Satan

Me wonders if we are beginning to see a new disturbing trend for 2013?

<thinks> Cats hunt birds!</thinks>

<thinks>Tux is a penguin!</thinks>

<thinks>Penguins are birds!</thinks>

<thinks>Are cats dangerous to my linux installations????</thinks>

<thinks>Here kitty, kitty,kitty........ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_zpdyBz3VM</thinks>

Now where's my cyber-rotty when I need him! ;))))))))

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NASA: 'Those life-on-Mars rumors? Chill, dudes and dudettes'

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Shades of Roswell 1947

Hmm!

First the indication of something big and then the official denial!

Seems to be that MIB and Majestic have been busy!

And all because Curiosity has found wifi signals on Mars and determined that 90% of client and server systems use Linux!

Have to protect MS and Apple,, you know!

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Sinofsky OFFSKI: Is Windows 9 now codenamed 'Defenestrate'?

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Re: Mr. 2007 Office Ribbon Only/No Alternative? Gone?

Jean-Luc?....

The surname is not Picard, perchance?

Scene: "In orbit around Windownian 9...., part of the Microsoftian System".

"Mr Worf, photon torpedos, please.... "

"Photon Torpedos ready,Captain.."

"Make it so!!!"

(With apologies to all Thespians, Klingons and Vulcans who may be offended!)

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Chris Hawkins
Linux

Totally Paranoid Conspiracy Theory

Given the strange Roswell type "co-incidental" timing and the current FBI/MET/BBC/North Wales going-ons, could Sinofsky's departure be yet another facet of the current trans-pond BBC/Newsnight/Entwhistle/Petraeus affair?

I'm out of here...(check's Mayan 2012 Calendar....how soon is December 21st????)

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Stob on Quatermass: Was this British TV's finest sci-fi hour?

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Re: Quartermass - Goon Show Style

It is so good to see so many IT-type fans of a show that was broadcast in the '50's!

My knees nearly fell of with pleasure at the responses!

It confirms what I have often thought....... to be a successful happy IT-type person, particularly of the *nix variety, a regular dose of the Goons is absolutely necessary!

Right, off round the back for the ol' Brandy!!!!

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Chris Hawkins
Linux

Quartermass - Goon Show Style

Peter Sellars, Spike Milligna and Sir Neddy (Harry) Seagoon beat the Doctor Who restoration team to it with a 1959 Goon Show dedication..... "Quatermass O.B.E"

Script 'ere: http://www.thegoonshow.net/scripts_show.asp?title=s09e14_quatermass_obe

IMHO it was one of the best Goon Show's ever, especially in its opening prescient 1984 vision of the traffic troubles that continue to bedevil most western societies, 50 years on...

<quote>"Today at approximately this afternoon, a discovery was made on the site of the Notting Hill Gate site of the government’s new dig-up-the-roads-plan-for-congesting-traffic scheme. Workmen in the absence of a strike settled for work as an alternative."</end quote>

The work done by the BBC Sound Team to emulate the original Quartermass sound track was superb.

If you can find it on the Web, give it a listen....it's brilliant!

Ying Tong Iddle I Po!

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British sheep falling behind Continental sheep in broadbaaaand race

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Call for Shaun!

Sounds like this is a job for Shaun and the flock!

When Aaaaaaardman initially started production, they got German regional broadcaster WDR to support a bid to the EU MEDIA Plus Program! Look at the success!

Ovines are not stewepid! They know very well how to "pull the wool"!

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Plucky orangutan rescued from encroaching biofuel plantations

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Re: "..biodiesel for use in vehicles and aviation..."

Question: Couldn't Orang-Utan emissions be utilised for the production of bio-fuels thus killing two birds with one stone??

Oook?

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Curiosity photographs evidence of ancient streams on Mars

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Re: Looking for the wrong things

Like a soft custard pie?

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Portugal’s prosecutor punts P2P case

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Re: Oh, that's it.

Actually, I live and work in Portugal e já aprendi falar e escrever Português! (I have already learnt to speak and write Portuguese)!!! ;)))

Lots wrong here but lots right!

High level of application of latest technologies here. Nationwide 4G deployment is close.

Some great IT start-ups based around Coimbra and Braga Universities.

Great Food and wine as well to boot.

No stigma using Linux as an OS.....people just look in awe at you!

I also reckon that, together with Ireland, the country may be the first out of the current Euro crisis.

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Canonical bungs kill switch onto Ubuntu's Amazon 'adware'

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Re: Canonical should have a care....

As did I!

Running Debian on my new vps as well. Keeping well away from Ubuntu!

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Opportunity finds new patch of 'berries' on Mars

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Re: Get your Martian Blueberry Jam right here!!!!

OOOOOOOkkk!

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Space Jam: stripped bolt bugs spacewalkers

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Re: Some nut out there...

"at our one & only nuclear power plant was damaged beyond repair because someone had neglected to apply a spanner properly......"

Homer Simpson????????

Mr Burns is not going to be happy!

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Curiosity's laser turns Mars rocks to 'glowing plasma'

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Re: Kaboom!

Or rather just wait till the Martian Equivalent of Curiosity, with the illudium Q-36 explosive space modulator attached, comes rolling over the hills.......

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Curiosity success 'paves way for Man on Mars by 2030s'

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Re: Re:- probes were eventually sent out to Earth, a now barren, rocky and lifeless world.

"...there would be cheese base lifeforms,.."

Wensleydale?

Cue Wallace and Gromit!!!

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Multimillion-pound hoard of 50BC GOLD PIECES found in Jersey

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Must have been an XXXXXLL Size Jersey! (Exits stage left rapidly.....)

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NASA counts down to nuclear tank invasion of Mars

Chris Hawkins
Linux

What about the locals!

I know they have been very quiet recently and have let Spirit, Opportunity et al. carry on BUT I'm not so sure what their response will be to "Thunderbird" type landings complete with Bungees!

BTW does anyone have any info about the system of measurements used by the Martian locals

...is it more or less accurate than NASA's systems?

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Flying Dutchman creates dead cat quadcopter

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Re: Superb - some thoughts..

hi_robb,

Brilliant!

Highly amewsing!

Left me catatonic!

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Chris Hawkins
Linux

Which OS was used?

Just wondering what OS is being used for the flight systems?

Given that a manual has already been written on how to load Linux onto a Dead Badger, I can only assume a Linux distribution has been modified for use!

See: http://www.strangehorizons.com/2004/20040405/badger.shtml

Given that hardened flight testing of IT systems and software for aviation/space appliations, usually results in OS'es being a couple of years behind in actual deploment, I can only assume it must be, Ubuntu 10.04 Lucid Lynx?

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Russian satellite beams home 121-megapixel pics of Earth

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Re: Eh, what planet is that?

You mean "EUtopia", of course!

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SpaceX does what it HASN'T done before: Dragon in close ISS flyby

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Strobe Lights....?

Is this another of Mr Musk's little secrets?

Is Dragon perchance equipped also with a means of playing/transmitting this haunting little 1977 tune in a vacuum....?

http://youtu.be/H4Kgzn3tDQU

What else is about to happen.......?

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Special Projects Burro pops his hooves

Chris Hawkins
Linux

RIP - Special Agent Aladdin

"....made doubly onerous by the circling presence of my mutt pack, who sensed the biggest nosh-up since they downed a small wild boar a couple of years back...."

They were probably thinking "Vale! Burritos!"

Damn good thing they didn't scoff him! I can see the local rag making allusions to "perro-nitis"!

A final thought, why was Aladdin not cremated and his ashes scheduled for "Scotty-type" disposal on one of Mr Musk's next orbital perambulations?

Headline: "Dragon torches Donkey"?

This would have made him the first El Reg operative to have made it to the heavens!

Descansa en paz, el burro Aladdin!!

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Roman roads get the web maps treatment

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Great Opportunity Missed

Salve!

Looks like the ancient forebears of Michaelis O'Learius missed a great opportunity to develop low cost travel options!

Imagine Roma (Ravenna) to Londinium (Burrio) - 1 denarii !

I can see it now 5000 seater galleys painted yellow and blue, powered by the paying passengers and the odd shot of "le potion magique!" ! However, only one (paid) toilet visit en route!

Vale!

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China churns out homemade aircraft for global travel DOMINATION

This post has been deleted by a moderator

Tory minister: Let's exploit our rich resource of mud, er, wind

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Clean Energy??? Mud??'

There is really only one suitable refrain to all this....

See: http://youtu.be/Vt6xGqk0F0U

.... Mud, mud, glorious mud

Nothing quite like it for cooling the blood

So follow me follow, down to the hollow

And there let me wallow in glorious mud

(With apologies to Messr's Flanders & Swann!)

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Spanish firemen grapple naked stairs sex Brit

Chris Hawkins

Re: Hang about!

Winkypop!

Not sure about Carry on Majorca?

More like "Carry on up the Costas"!

I've felt sad for several years, now that the lads have passed on!

In the Western part of Andalucia, there is a perfect set for a "Carry-On" package holiday type caper using the following towns all to be found within 160 km of Seville:

"Moron de la Frontera"

"Carrion"

and (drum roll - wait for it...)

"El Rompido"

I can see Sid "phwoaring" and Kenneth Williams in Blazer as the harassed tour guide trying to corral his charges. As for Babs Windor.....'nuff said!

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Fedora 16: Linux home for lost Ubuntu GNOMEs

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Forget the Hype - Debian 6 with Gnome 2

Sitting here happily on Debian 6 with Gnome 2 building a web site!

I don't need anything more!

Having been happy with Ubuntu for 6 years - down-systemed to the above config after the arrival of the Unity disaster....

Like Linus, I will not be assimilated.....

So good!!! :)

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Ubuntu deploys cloud-ready Ocelot beta

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Unity/Gnomes...Ugh!

I was at the start of a website build project when the Ubuntu 11.04 update arrived.

I have been an Ubuntu devotee since 2004 and was a real fan!!.

So in early June I decide to upgrade to 11.04, despite thoughts I shouldn't, based on the comments flying around the Interweb!

BIG BIG Mistake! I suddenly found that certain essential plugins in Gimp would not work under the Unity UI.

That was enough of a boo-boo for me.

I had to reinstall my machine so I regressed/slid over to Debian 6.0.

At least, I have much more flexibility to choose my UI and avoid MS Widnows-type evolution of Ubuntu where Canonical are telling me what's good for me!

Don't fix what works....!!!!

Give the user a choice of GUI , IN BIG CAPITAL LETTERS, during the initial phases of installation!

Luckily I have enough TUX experience to customise Debian to my one requirements!

The only way Canonical will get me back is an all-expenses paid return trip to the ISS to celebrate the Shuttleworth visit.... (must be 8 years or so now!) on a Canonical-funded SpaceX Dragon Capsule! (not Soyuz...Roskosmos, after years of great service in the ballistic human field, seem to be going the way of Ubuntu!)

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Ten... fantasy gadgets you wish you owned

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Hologram communication

Sorry to spoil the party but tomogram 3D communication, as against hologram, has already been demonstrated using live feeds beaming pseudo holograms into studios!

CNN used the technology provided by an Israeli co. to beam live representations of one of their reporters, Jessica Yellin and Will.I.am of Black Eye Peas fame from the Obama Victory Party in Chicago to their studios.

See:

http://goo.gl/KEFrl

http://goo.gl/52D8W

http://www.virtualvutech.com

and :)))) here

http://goo.gl/TI6cb

These articles from down-under suggests that full live hologram transmission may have already taken place in the Antipodes.

See:

http://goo.gl/qO7ms

http://goo.gl/j1Rxo

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Microsoft poised to make biggest ever buy – Skype

Chris Hawkins
Gates Horns

MS/Skype

I really am concerned at this news.

It took long enough to get Skype to produce an effective Linux Client.

I can just see the "evil empire" keeping the existing Linux client and then as the product develops easing the linux version out because "it is no longer compatible.".

I can also see the "evil empire" also trying to turn itself into the "world's" phone network. Free Computer to Computer Calls will go!

With Google dominating search, Facebook social media and Microsoft voice communications, the world Interweb really is becoming dominated by a small cartel of US controlled IT companies.

We really do need companies like Amazon.com, baidu.com, yahoo japan etc. to start fighting back internationally and offer competitive products.

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Google Linux servers hit with $5m patent infringement verdict

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Re Eating → #

Steve,

Sorry! Been done before or actually something very similiar and over 50 years ago.

Read the relevant parts of the 1957 Goon Show Episode "The Great Regent's Park Swim".

"Grytpype-Thynne:

Well, I've just invented the word "Help" for people who are drowning."

Later in the show.....

"Moriarty:

Aaagh! (etc)

Grytpype-Thynne:

Steady, Moriarty.

Moriarty:

(more sounds of agony)

Grytpype-Thynne:

Steady, Moriarty. You know that I charge one thousand pounds for using

my invention, namely, the word "Help".

Moriarty:

(sounds of agony, interspersed with growls)

Seagoon:

What a bit of luck, folks. Whilst the Bengal tiger was fighting Moriarty, I ........."

and even later in the show.....

"Grytpype:

... and I warn you, nobody shout "Help". That is a word I've just invented and will cost anybody five hundred pounds to use. Now, give me that green liquid. Right, Neddie, into the canal.

Seagoon:

But I can't swim without that green liquid. Aarrggh

FX:

(splash)

Seagoon:

You swine, you pushed me in! Help!

Grytpype-Thynne:

Out you come, Ned. To using the word "Help", five hundred pounds

FX:

(cash register)

Grytpype:

Thank you.

Seagoon:

Wait, wait, but I ...

FX:

(splash)

Seagoon:

Help!

Grytpype-Thynne:

Out you come, Neddie. To using the word "Help", another five hundred

Pounds.

F.X.:

(cash register)

Grytpype-Thynne:

I thank you.

Seagoon:

But look here, I ...

FX:

(splash) floundering

Seagoon:

You swine, you pushed me in. Help!

Grytpype-Thynne:

Out you come, Neddie. To using the word "Help", another five hundred pounds

FX:

(cash register)

Grytpype:

Thank you.

Seagoon:

Wait. (splash) Help!

(repeated several times, getting faster)"

...How I miss Spike Milligna and Neddy Seagoon!

Link to full script: http://goo.gl/N5lhQ

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Gatwick Airport security swoops on 3-inch rifle

Chris Hawkins
Linux

Re: The race to the bottom

I concur!

However, if they have already reached the point where they do "do "stupid" to genuinely Olympian standards.", what are they going to do for an encore for the real event in London 2012?

The mind genuinely boggles! It really does.

Can't help thinking though that there must be a better way to do and implement airport passenger screening!

[/Thinks] Project for today: Create an Open Source based Passenger Screening system using Tuxology and Penguins on Rails. Find angel investors and Government R&D financing. Spend loads of money. IPO in two years time even though not making money yet. Exit with loads of dosh and penguins to start "next big thing! " [\End Thinks]

[/Thinks] & [/End Thinks] used with grateful thanks to the late Lord Neddy Seagoon of Airwick Gatport.

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