Posts by Sam Therapy

Not IT related but magnetic field related...

A band I knew back in the 80s spent a lot of time and money recording their forthcoming album in their own very well equipped studio and, when the recording was completed, took the master tapes home to keep them safe. Except... (and I'm sure you know where this is going)

One of 'em - the utter bladder head - put the tapes down on top of one of his hideously expensive and ridiculously powerful stereo speakers, had a few celebratory drinks and played a lot of music through his stereo at very high volume. For hours. No, he wasn't the drummer. Bass player and musical director of the band.

Oops.

I worked for British Coal's IT dept in Sheffield, many years ago. One of the staff - who was always having computer related problems of some kind - called me to say her keyboard had stopped working. This particular person would always, without fail, turn every minor problem into a huge drama with crying, swearing, threats and, on several occasions, throwing stuff. How she stayed employed is beyond me.

Went to her desk with replacement, found the keyboard cable her - keyboard, that is - dangling off the desk, unplugged.

Plugged it back in, showed her everything was working fine. Explained the keyboard was unplugged. Got a huffy "How the fuck was I supposed to know?"

Another time, same person, same problem. This time the keyboard was full of staples, paper clips and those annoying bits of paper out of hole punches. Turned out she and her mate thought it was a great idea to throw stuff at each other across the desks.

I don't believe in any sort of deity or karma or whatnot but shortly after that, her car was nicked from outside work.

I don't think it's possible to get anywhere near their usage cap, ever. When I had the misfortune to be with 'em, the network was slow as a sloth on mandrax and prone to rolling over and dying every few minutes.

Run a currency?

I don't trust Arsebook to run a bath.

EMDL:

External Mouse Driver Lubricant

Good on you, Kieren McCarthy and El Reg. Lang may yer lums reek, or something.

Google acts like Google

Same old shite.

It was the butler wot did it

Obviously.

Aye but Dixons...

Are a shower of lying bastards anyhow. Before any legal bods get upset/anxious/into sue mode, I can prove it. :)

You plum*

You could have put a knot in the lanyard to make it shorter.

*pun intended.

Do Not Want

Not now, or ever, anything like this in my home.

P&G - GTFO & FOAD

Anyone remember when Amigas changed to socketed chips? The word from Commodore was, If your Amiga starts to misbehave, lift it off your desk to a height of 6 inches, then drop it. This will, in most cases, fix any problems by re-seating the chips".

I am not joking, btw.

Good luck

All the best in your future activities and many thanks for a great column.

On the radio yesterday...

Took the car in for a service yesterday. The garage radio was playing "Rock Me Amadeus".

Coincidence? Yeah, probably.

Dalek Obsessive alert.

Daleks are most emphatically not robots. They're a squishy mutant squid type thing inside an armoured shell.

So there.

"it’s god awful stock photos."

It's "its", not "it's". Fucking hell. Professional writers should not make this mistake. Ever.

I will never, as long as there's breath in my body and a hole in my arse, allow one of these things - or a competitor's equivalent into my home. All phones have voice recognition/"helpers" off, all other devices are dumber than a box of rocks. The only recording capability my PC has is my DAW interface for guitars and other outboard instruments. Vocal mics connected for singy bits only.

Well done, that bloke

Beer, of course.

Heroes, one and all.

Meh

Was out there last week. It ain't all that.