* Posts by Mike Richards

3602 posts • joined 28 Feb 2007

Miss Universe pops into Guantánamo Bay

Mike Richards

Crystle???

Nyargh! There's bad spelling, wrong spelling and then there's THAT spelling. Doing my head in.

0
0

Honda creates thought-controlled android

Mike Richards

Hold on...

...how do you know what the guy in the hair dryer is thinking?

Man looks constipated.

Robot shuffles right.

Press droid: clearly human subject was thinking about moving right. A triumphant success for Honda, Japan and the Emperor!

Man thinks 'hold on, I was hoping they wouldn't take photos of me in this ridiculous contraption.'

0
0

Cosmonaut bemoans ISS toilet row

Mike Richards

Fact really is stranger than fiction

Did they have this sort of trouble on Star Trek?

0
0

DNA database grows faster than forecast

Mike Richards

Like to know more about the duplicates

Are they identical DNA records from people who have used more than one name, or are they different DNA records because the Home Office has changed DNA measuring guidelines in the past?

0
0

Vulture Central on total G20 terror lockdown

Mike Richards

Oooh

I smell a Playmobil reconstruction in the offing!

0
0

Pics show North Korean rocket ready to go

Mike Richards

@ Toastan Buttar

"I hope they get the same little lady who announced the nuclear test blast to come on our TV's again. I like her."

Me too - isn't she fabulous? Not many people could pull off that particular shade of peach, but she manages it brilliantly:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHHrTp96yog&feature=related

And she's MUCH more entertaining than Robert Peston.

0
0
Mike Richards

@ g e

The North Koreans should have to give details of any object they put into orbit.

In 1998, they even went so far as to tell the world the elements for Kwangmyongsong which was apparently circling the Earth broadcasting toe-tapping melodies such as "Song of General Kim Il Sung" and "Song of General Kim Jong Il" at 27MHz. They insisted it was up there, even though the US couldn't ever track it on radar and listeners on 27MHz were disappointed not to be able to listen in.

It looks like the 1998 launch was one for a space vehicle which went wrong at the last minute and either tipped the satellite into the North Pacific or into a very low orbit from which it decayed within hours.

0
0
Mike Richards

Stares at fuzzy picture

Rocket? What rocket?

I can only see the Virgin Mary.

Riding a bicycle.

0
0

Irish boffins tackle cow-fart ecopocalypse with fish oil

Mike Richards

@ TooMuchCoffee

'Fish-flavoured beef? Not sure I fancy that.'

S'okay, it'll taste just like delicious whale - the ultimate free-range organic meat.

0
0
Mike Richards

If you give a cow fish oil

Does it become smarter?

0
0

UFO fleet menaces east London

Mike Richards

“This is definitely the strangest thing I’ve ever seen in Bethnal Green.”

Not been there long then?

0
0

Wacky Jacqui spanked by husband

Mike Richards

Pulitzer winning journalism here

The Telegraph has deployed its formidable resources to determine that Virgin were satisfying the Home Secretary's husband with "Raw Meat 3" and "By Special Request".

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/politics/labour/5072701/Jacqui-Smith-under-pressure-over-husbands-adult-film-expense-claims.html

Any of the Reg's readers able to tell us more about these epic titles - especially "Raw Meat 3"? Does it achieve the tricky task of being a good third movie in the series - which is hard to pull off [snigger] - Jaws 3D, Rocky 3 and Return of the Jedi all failed to keep the high standards of their predecessors.

0
0
Mike Richards

Can we work out the titles?

The BBC tantalises us with the news that Virgin's porno pipes delivered the movies on 6 and 8 April 2008 at £5 a time. Is there any hope of narrowing down what sort of filth gets Mr. Home Secretary going?

And surely a Playmobil reconstruction of salient plot points for those of us who don't subscribe to Beardie muck is in order?

0
0

Germans announce: Revenge is inefficient

Mike Richards

Wow!

'Institut für Gesellschafts und Wirtschaftswissenschaften'

You just know that business card comes in 16:9 format.

0
0

Tesla unwraps Model S

Mike Richards

Aston Martin???

Maserati? Well in the dark possibly. It's more of a Series 1 Focus / Cougar look. There's precious little of Astonosity to it.

0
0

Pentax Optio E70L

Mike Richards

Photo of the stripes

Were those stripes parallel and straight in real life? If so, that's some of the worst barrel distortion I've seen in a long time.

0
0

Home Office details early ID vendors

Mike Richards

3M???

What are they planning to do - store the whole database on PostIt notes?

0
0

Battlestar Galactica eyes 'technology run amok'

Mike Richards

@ Jay

'Cylons should be big, clunky and metal '

Including the one in the little red dress?

Me? It grew on me for the first season, I loved season 2, after that it was clear they'd blown the budget on the first couple of episodes of season 3 and it became LA Law in Spaaaace.

Got bored. Which was a shame as it did appear to be willing to flirt with much darker SF than is normal for TV. Fortunately, it looks like 'Dollhouse' is starting to get in its stride and that seems to be going into very dark places indeed.

0
0

Police ad urges: 'Trust no one'

Mike Richards

Be worried about your neighbours

If you're planning on doing a bit of DIY, decorating or fixing up the garden; you'd best hope your neighbours are all trained chemists and can recognise the legitimate uses for household chemicals.

Terry Gilliam's 'Brazil' had the perfect slogan for The Home Office:

'Be Safe, Be Suspicious'

0
0

Apple Time Capsule

Mike Richards

Got the original model

And the highest praise I can give is that I don't notice I have it. Backups are regular and seamless. It's saved my hide a couple of times in the last year. A brilliant product.

0
0

Apple proves: It pays to be late

Mike Richards

One model makes sense

Because Apple just have to brand 'iPhone'. Their latest campaign is about the number of apps:

'only on iPhone'

Adding new models implies that some apps won't work on some models or won't offer the full range of functionality - and that's a way of pissing people off.

Sony Ericsson, whilst they're still with us, constantly has to struggle to tell customers the differences between its nigh on indistinguishable and bafflingly named phones. They've already lost the marketing war.

0
0

DARPA orders hypersonic Nazi Doodlebug engine

Mike Richards

Should go back to the 1950s

I'm a little disappointed in DARPA. This project isn't nearly as bat-shit crazy as we've been led to expect - no cyborgs, no artificial intelligence and precious little danger - where's the fun in that. My benchmark in looney-tunes missiles is Project Pluto from the 1950s which even had a cool acronym - it was to build the SLAM (Supersonic Low-Altitude Missile)

Instead of boring old kerosene, SLAM would have had a NUCLEAR jet - essentially a completely unshielded nuclear reactor that heated and expanded incoming air to generate thrust. It's pure brilliance for anyone with a Strangelovian streak in their personality - it's a sort of Chernobyl with wings!

A SLAM could have remained airborne for months just waiting for Jonny Soviet to get all uppity, whereupon it would have screamed towards the Motherland at supersonic speeds before turning Moscow into hot slag - and it wouldn't even have needed a warhead to be a radiological disaster to remember.

They even built a couple of stationary prototypes, but before this Armageddon to Go was given the green light, the US decided to be slightly less mental and switch to ICBMs.

http://www.merkle.com/pluto/pluto.html

Come on DARPA, give us something Pluto mad so we can fall in love with you again.

0
0

London to get EV charging post network

Mike Richards

American tourists

'presumably in order to tie in with the general US tourist's belief that London still looks like it did in 1940.'

What - being flattened by the Luftwaffe?

0
0

Cops wanted compulsory DNA cards

Mike Richards

Hold on...

'the main potential beneficiaries of an Identity Cards scheme, such as police, DVLA, Passport Agency, IND, DWP, Inland Revenue and the financial sector'

New Labour told me that WE were going to be the main potential beneficiaries of an Identity Cards scheme.

Could they have been lying?

Hold on. Lips moving, making a noise - yep they were lying.

0
0

Boffin builds DIY solar cell from doughnuts and tea

Mike Richards

@ Filippo

'Wtf is titanium doing in my donuts?'

It's an inert whitener used in everything from paint to toothpaste by way of doughnut sugar.

0
0

Minister confirms U-turn on data sharing

Mike Richards

On the bright side

The next time this atrocity can be realistically introduced is in the next Parliamentary session beginning in November. However, that session is going to be curtailed because an election has to be called by May - meaning Parliament is peroged no later than mid April. So the government won't have much of an opportunity to introduce contentious legislation which could ping-pong between Commons and the Lords. Any legislation that isn't completed before the dissolution of Parliament, automatically falls.

But we have to vote these fuckers out of power for a generation.

0
0

Juror tweets could force retrial

Mike Richards

Doesn't matter if he tw*tted after the verdict

He has violated one of the rules of the jury system - all of the discussions of the jury and how they come to their verdict are supposed to be secret. Doing this causes grave problems when it comes to any appeal.

Hopefully the court will consider this a contempt and the little tw*tter can be sent to somewhere where Big Earl wants to become his very special friend.

0
0

Councils clamp down on Strategy Boutique Newspeak

Mike Richards

Awestruck

'Predictors of Beaconocity'

Wow!

I mean - wow!

Someone actually used that and their vestigial sense of irony never even kicked in. Hold on, who's in charge of the Department for Communities and Local Government? [clickity]

Aha. Explains everything:

http://www.communities.gov.uk/profiles/corporate/hazelblears

The simpering ginger android herself.

0
0

Kraft puts foot in big pot of yoghurt?

Mike Richards

Oh crap = we're going to see more of this

Marketing companies are having a tough time now that advertising revenues are falling. But hello! Perhaps they have a new victim - all they have to do is persuade a vulnerable company that falling sales aren't down to a global economy in the toilet, but rather to out-of-date branding. In exchange for a couple of million, everything will be all right thanks to the Columbian nose candy brigade and the liberal application of swooshes and lower-case sans serif to everything.

It's going to be terrifying.

SyFy as Stef mentioned above is like applying a cheesegrater to the eyeball - but the strapline 'Think Greater' is somehow even worse.

0
0

Boffins finger reason for non-aligned cows

Mike Richards

Remaining unanswered question

Are cows like fluorescent tubes?

If you stick them under a high tension cable, do they light up?

0
0

British Korea ambassador in 'diplomatic' blog shock

Mike Richards

Best bit...

The corrections in the comments:

'The elections were the same as such events everywhere with voters turning out in their hundreds, but there were no opposition candidates: in fact there was only one person standing for each seat which is why all the candidates were elected with 100 approval; and there was a 99 turn out because the compulsory voting was strictly enforced.'

New Labour's postal voting wouldn't be satisfied with a mere 100% approval.

0
0

Dell MacBook Air Adamo officially launched

Mike Richards

A truly radical machine

The biggest breakthrough on the Adamo appears to be that it doesn't have any 'Intel Inside', 'Core 2 Duo' or 'Designed for Windows Vista' stickers.

And to go with the consensus so far - the Air is a far more handsome beastie.

0
0

Lights out, Britons told - we're running out of power

Mike Richards

Britain's like Iceland...

Two countries, with appalling weather in the North Atlantic. English is spoken in both - although arguably better in Iceland. The economy in each country has been frankly buggered. But Iceland's more appealing because at least they can keep the lights on.

And you can buy delicious free-range organic whale.

0
0

DARPA to build nothingness detector for tunnel sniffing

Mike Richards

Borderline bonkers - it's DARPA

Airborne gravity surveys are pretty routine in the oil and gas industry, so it is possible to build gravimeters that can survey being buffeted in a plane and compensate for any movements relative to the terrain.

BUT the differences they're looking to identify here are insanely small - in the tenths or even thousands of a milliGal (i.e. not-a-lot). This sounds only borderline doable, so they'd better turn their beanie-caps up to 11.

0
0

National Express to 'ban' trainspotting

Mike Richards

@ Peter R

'Lord Adonis ???

'You jest, surely ?'

Setting aside the fact that with Lord Adonis *someone* is having a joke even if I can't see the funny side. It's all too true: 'Andrew Adonis, Baron Adonis is a United Kingdom Minister of State in the Department for Transport, a role he has held since 3 October 2008.' (Wikipedia)

As the author Robert Harris once said about this leading New Labour intellectual (sorry, I can't keep a straight face) he's 'more Andrew than Adonis'

0
0
Mike Richards

Ticket inspectors

Many trains don't seem to have them these days; and I suspect one or indeed both of the following reasons:

1: trains are so grotesquely overcrowded on many routes, the inspector can't physically get through the train, or;

2: they get so much grief from passengers that they daren't go into the cars - telling people who've spent £x thousand on a season ticket that they shouldn't stand in an exit, or telling others that they should find somewhere to put their luggage other than the tables or aisles when there is no luggage space* - can't do much for morale.

* no, I have to say it - don't stop me now. What TWAT developed the interior layout of Virgin Pendolinos and put luggage racks in the middle of the cars? Meaning you have to walk half the length of the car down a narrow aisle to stow your luggage, THEN turn around to fight your way through the rest of the crowd trying to do the same???

0
0

Discovery en route to ISS

Mike Richards

Night launch

I thought NASA had banned Shuttle launches at night after Columbia? They said they were going to take high resolution video right through to the ET separation to watch for any foam shedding.

0
0

BBC botnet investigation turns hacks into hackers

Mike Richards

Must have had legal advice

The show will have to have been cleared with the BBC lawyers before broadcast (and if they were sensible, they will have got legal advice BEFORE production even started), so it will be fascinating to know what 'Click' was told.

The law appears to be clear, but I wonder if the Beeb's lawyers thought they could rely on a 'public interest' defence - and if they did, where they got that reading of the law.

Still I feel sorry for 'Click''s half-dozen regular viewers if Spencer and co. are sent to chokey.

0
0

Phorm CEO clashes with Berners-Lee at Parliament

Mike Richards

Phorm defended by Peter Bazelgette?

Doesn't that constitute a critical mass of shit?

0
0

Apple preps netbook 10-inch touch screen thingy

Mike Richards

Read Jobs' words

'We don’t know how to make a $500 computer that’s not a piece of junk'

That leaves two possibilities:

1: Apple could be putting a lot of effort into trying to design a half decent n**book for $500, or:

2: they could release a machine with the general n**book format, add some special Apple sauce and use that to justify a higher price. The 12" Powerbook still commands high prices on eBay, so there is a demand for a small Apple laptop.

0
0

ID and Passport Service brings in ad men

Mike Richards

Recession spending

Ah more government advertising. Because what the country needs now is a taxpayer bailoutof the Bolivian cocaine industry.

0
0

Court rules airline secret security list is stupid

Mike Richards

@ Anonymous Coward

We shouldn't be fearing razors on planes. It's that bloody plastic they use to wrap memory cards, headphones and razors. Get through Security, go to Dixons, buy an SD card for a tenner and you have a weapon with a lethal edge.

0
0

No welcome in the valleys for Welsh incinerator

Mike Richards

Denmark

Most people know Denmark has gone a long way to get power from the wind, but 400,000 Danish households get their power and heat from waste-to-power plants just like this.

And these campaigners are against the power station AND a coal mine? Well it's not like the Valleys need jobs is it?

0
0

Straw bends on Coroners & Justice data-sharing proposals

Mike Richards

Like the end of any good horror movie

This proposal will come back, leaping out of the shadows in a different bill or statutory instrument. The only way we'll know it's dead is when New Labour is interred with a stake through its heart.

0
0

Illinois restores Pluto's planetary status

Mike Richards

NY Planetarium showdown

Neil deGrasse Tyson from the NY planetarium was interviewed by 'The Daily Show''s Jon Stewart about his decision to demote Pluto from their exhibit. It's well worth a watch:

http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=216998&title=neil-degrasse-tyson

0
0

Israelis develop 'safe' plutonium: good for power, bad for weapons

Mike Richards

Chemistry

It's a long time since I did any recreational actinide chemistry, so I was wondering about using lanthanum as a carrier to separate plutonium from americium; but a quick check online suggests there's an even easier way:

http://scitation.aip.org/getabs/servlet/GetabsServlet?prog=normal&id=APCPCS000532000001000239000001&idtype=cvips&gifs=yes

'A single stage process using MgCl2 in CaCl2 has been demonstrated to remove 90% of the americium from plutonium with no transfer of impurities to the product metal except magnesium, which is readily removed in a vacuum casting operation. ©2000 American Institute of Physics.'

$24 for the whole paper.

God bless Aldermaston.

It's hardly surprising that techniques for separating the two are well-developed. Pu241 is a contaminant in most plutonium, decaying to americium with a 13 year half-life. This affects bomb performance, so it can be necessary to separate the two elements in plutonium which has come from reactors with a long burn time.

0
0

OLED-equipped 'open source' EV shown at Geneva Motor Show

Mike Richards

World's largest...

...fingerprint magnet.

Kind of funky looking though.

0
0

MPs vote to keep addresses private (theirs, not yours)

Mike Richards

Let's get Web 2.0 on their asses...

Anyone up for a Web site listing MP's addresses? If anyone lives near an MP, they could submit the address which would go on to a public site.

0
0

US warboffins update Where Eagles Dare gizmo-bombs

Mike Richards

Does it have...?

A red wire and a blue wire for the oh-so-tense 'can he stop the bomb, save the ship and marry the gorilla' finale?

0
0

BT OpenZone: Is it or isn't it?

Mike Richards

Opt-out, opt-in

BT really seem to be having a lot of trouble deciding what's opt-in and what's opt-out these days.

0
0

Forums