* Posts by Mike Richards

3605 posts • joined 28 Feb 2007

Entire London 2012 Olympics' cultural events database held on Excel

Mike Richards

Is there more than one spreadsheet?

Because if the second is being used for tickets it might explain the crazy ticket allocations.

0
0

Hot bodies get super-slippery when wet

Mike Richards

Why?

Coal doesn't go off and the life of wheat stored under proper conditions is months or even years. Why do these freighters need to go faster?

I think he's also forgetting the realities of the shipping market which is to reduce costs as far as possible by only ever using very old, single hulled bulkers manned by third world crews sailing under flags of convenience. Only a few years ago, one of these monsters was sinking every month and no one in power gave a toss until the MV Derbyshire vanished, but since then, nothing's changed.

2
0

New Sony hack exposes more consumer passwords

Mike Richards

Sony customer advice

If you are a Sony customer and you have not had your confidential information released as yet, could you please give them a call so they can do so immediately. Sorry for any inconvenience.

2
0

Brit rubbish-dump worms in space station science triumph

Mike Richards

Whilst we're on the subjects of beasties from outer space

Any news on the Shuttle Squid?

1
0

WW2 naval dazzle-camo 'could beat Taliban RPGs'

Mike Richards

Daily Mail???

'The Perishers' were in the Mirror when it used to be a newspaper.

4
0

Britain mounted secret 2010 cyberwarfare attack on al-Q

Mike Richards

I rather hope

The spooks are still editing the magazine and dropping in really weird bits of advice - you know - 'have you tried practicing suicide bombing in an uninhabited area just so you know what it feels like'. Then they could add music reviews, a gallery of unusually shaped vegetables, a 'Dear Dierdre' sex advice column and a 'Where's Ayman al-Zawahri?' competition to win £5.

5
0

Tesco pricing cock-up provokes beer stampede

Mike Richards

Legally...

The price on the shelf only constitutes an 'invitation to treat'. When you take the beer mountain to the till you are making an offer to complete the contract at that price. A contract only comes into being when Tesco accepts your offer and you pay (so called 'consideration'). Up until that point the seller or the buyer can pull out of the negotiations, or change the conditions without prejudice, so Tesco are fully within their rights to say there has been a pricing error and the customer has no legal protection.

Although I hope they issued the check-out staff with cattle prods when they tried to explain this.

Mind you, I wonder if anyone got the lower price on the self-service tills?

11
0

Francis Maude goes back 110 years for cybersecurity strategy

Mike Richards

No need for the red flag

We've got BT running our walking pace broadband service.

3
0

What is UltraViolet™ and why should you care?

Mike Richards

I'm going to say this quietly

But Disney are one of the more enlightened DVD distributors. A recent Blu Ray not only came with a DVD, but a download licence through iTunes for only a quid or more than the bare bones DVD. And then, it had the rarest of things - skippable ads and trailers.

Compare that to Momentum who put a completely unstoppable Maltesers ad on their disk.

1
0

El Reg pays by phone – mmmm, free cookies!

Mike Richards

Important question left unanswered

Was it a nice cookie?

0
0

Biodegradable products are often worse for the planet

Mike Richards

An even better idea

Make the packaging so delicious that the user cannot help but gobble it up rather than casting it into the garbage.

Sounds hard doesn't it? But many would argue McDonalds have already perfected containers with more flavour and nutrition than their contents.

15
0

3D printer produces working house keys

Mike Richards

A Cory Doctorow story

http://craphound.com/?p=573

0
0
Mike Richards

Old chemist trick

Mould a spoon out of gallium and get the victim to stir their coffee with it. It looks like stainless steel but has a melting point of 30C.

Now such hilarity is available to the masses:

http://www.disappearingspoons.com/

Mind you I've been in some labs where the coffee can melt a stainless steel spoon.

0
0

MP headshot sex rating site: Gentlemen prefer Tories

Mike Richards

Slightly disturbing

That anyone would want to have sex with any of them. Aren't there any items of furniture they'd rather have it off with before turning to the political classes?

2
0

Government plans cyberweapons programme

Mike Richards

This is Britain

So our masterplan will involve uploading an unpatched copy of Windows ME to bit torrent.

3
0

Reg hack applauds asinine augmentation

Mike Richards

You've just won the Internet

Stop the competition Lester, this is just too good.

0
0

Naked cyclist streaks through Suffolk village

Mike Richards

Dubious witness

Wayne Bird, who also copped an eyeful, reported: "I saw a male on a bike with absolutely nothing on, not even a pair of socks."

The article clearly mentions our streamlined cyclist was wearing glasses and a pair of trainers. I don't think Mr. Bird's account can be trusted.

0
1

Bloke drives with knees while manipulating two mobes

Mike Richards

Hah! Take that...

...and women say men can't multitask.

2
0

Billionaire Zuckerberg kills to eat

Mike Richards

PETA versus Zuckerberg

This has to happen.

0
0

Fourth Euro star truck christened Albert Einstein

Mike Richards

I agree

I'd rather they'd named them Truck 1, Truck 2 and so on rather than give them the names of great scientists. It's not a very impressive memento to be filled with odds and sods, emptied, loaded up with sewage and then crashed into the ocean.

I expect Einstein would be more impressed with his element (99) than this thing.

0
0

Ballmer: Time up for 'stuck in the past' Microsoft CEO?

Mike Richards

Skype deal

What was so odd about the Skype deal is that Microsoft didn't actually say what they were going do with it.

Had they announced the deal and used the same event to say something definite like 'Skype is coming to Xbox Live' then journalists would have at least known what was planned and be able to tell consumers that Skype would bring videophones to millions of living rooms. That buys good headlines, gives the Xbox a boost and should have raised the share price.

It's incredible that a company like Microsoft has such woeful spin doctors.

0
0

Yanks officially recognise the word 'boffin'

Mike Richards

Not much cop as a dictionary

I just checked, they're still spelling 'colour' wrong.

12
1

Asus teases with MacBook Air-esque Eee PC

Mike Richards

Outraged!

The laptop lovely was the only thing that made Asus at all interesting and now she's gone.

1
0

Vodafone touts low-tech phone for app-phobes

Mike Richards

Nice idea - but HOW MUCH?

You can pick up perfectly good Nokia entry level phones on PAYG for twenty quid, so really - why this crazy price?

2
0

Dear Dell and Microsoft: You're not Apple

Mike Richards

Couldn't be more untrue

Microsoft has nine research labs around the World, they're doing some seriously cutting edge work. If you ever get an invite, go, their work is fantastic and it's beginning to appear in products like Bing, Mindstorms and Kinect.

2
3

Hollywood to 'retell' Carrie

Mike Richards

Running Man

Another reason you may not have connected King with the book is that it was published under the pseudonym Richard Bachmann. Although wildly different, the book's not much better than the movie, so you aren't missing much.

0
0

Cabinet Office shakes up PSN

Mike Richards

Oh *that* PSN

I was just wondering how Sony's problems could get worse and that seemed to be the answer.

5
0

Virgin Media TV Powered by TiVo

Mike Richards

Any chance of an unbundled version?

I'm a big fan of TiVo and loved my UK series 1 before it shuffled off this mortal coil. Sadly I don't live anywhere near a Virgin cable network so this won't work for me.

Does anyone know if Virgin have an exclusive deal with TiVo or is there any chance that other companies will be bringing out TiVo Freeview/sat boxes?

1
0

ESA: British Skylon spaceplane seems perfectly possible

Mike Richards

Only the beginning

It'll be followed by the 'Mysteron' whose voice will have you soiling your pants right across the Atlantic.

5
0
Mike Richards

Not corrosive - but...

Liquid O2 will make almost anything burn. In the 1950s the Americans had a number of nasty fires and explosions when liquid oxygen boiled out of their Thor missiles and dripped on to asphalt.

1
0
Mike Richards

Twelve billion? Cheap at twice the price.

For that investment we could create thousands of high technology jobs, countless spin-offs and grab a lucrative market. It's almost petty change when government spending is concerned.

We're going to spunk three times as much on the next generation of Trident submarines and it's only a little more than next year's running and jumping show.

10
0

Google opens tiny window onto Baltic Sea-cooled data center

Mike Richards

A typo surely?

'According to Data Center Knowledge, the pipe that streams the water from the gulf is about 7.5 miles below the surface of the Baltic Sea and connects to granite tunnels running to the data center.'

I don't think so. 7.5 miles is a smidgeon over 12km. Even at the lousy geothermal gradient found in the Baltic, the bottom of the well would be at over 100C.

The deepest point of the Baltic is only 450m below sea level, the deepest point in the oceans (the Challenger Deep) is 10911m. If the reporters had got it right, Google would be within a gnat's whisker of taking the record from the Kola superdeep borehole which is a stupendous 12.3km deep.

3
0

Researchers find irreparable flaw in popular CAPTCHAs

Mike Richards

Absolutely

Get the buggers to crack the Voynich Manuscript - THEN they can post their amusing cat photos.

1
0

Ofcom pricks Shard's 'biggest erection' boast

Mike Richards

In that case

At 368m, the Fernsehturm in Berlin is still taller than anything in the UK.

1
0

Much better wireless power transmission possible - boffins

Mike Richards

Here it is (was)

Well remembered sir, it was Wardenclyffe Tower on Long Island:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wardenclyffe_Tower

1
0

Judgment Day prophet resets doomsday clock

Mike Richards

Makes perfect sense really

Camping clearly underestimated the length of time it takes to spend his ill-gotten $70 million.

So, is everyone ready for The Great Disappointment 2.0?

1
0

Lock up your lungs, here comes Grimsvotn

Mike Richards

The only people breathing easy

Are the news outlets who only have to deal with Grímsvötn rather than eighteen syllables sounding like a Viking falling down a flight of stairs. Set your videos for when Þeistareykjarbunga next blows its top.

5
0

Huge fat pipe squirts mighty streams

Mike Richards

Smut hose? kilowrist?

Well done Lewis for translating boring boffinry into everyman terminology. And to think it's only Monday, you should be in fine form come Thursday.

3
0

Apple iPhone 5 to sport CRT-style screen

Mike Richards

Fragile?

I haven't used a phone with this sort of display, but wouldn't a curved display be more likely to be damaged when the phone is dropped?

0
0

Rapture postponed as world inexplicably fails to end

Mike Richards

Thank you Sarah

This guy is being treated as a harmless nutter when he is actually culpable for a great deal of distress and misery; and not just to his deluded followers, but to their friends and family (who may not be believers) who will have had to deal with the consequences of his actions.

Obviously I'm sure he'll be returning all those millions just as soon as the banks reopen.

4
0

Remastered 4K, 3D Titanic steams towards cinemas

Mike Richards

Worth seeing in 3D

If only for the scene near the end where Leonardo diCaprio sinks further and further away from the viewer into depths of the North Atlantic.

(Have I given anything away?)

4
0

PARIS team to tackle the ultimate post-pint snack

Mike Richards

Ultimate post-beer take away

[you are now arriving in Reykjavik, please ensure your seat is in the upright position]

Follow Miklabraut westbound past the city airport until it turns to Hringbraut; the BSI bus terminal is on your right. Take the short road to the car park behind the terminal where you will find a small take away (offering a drive through service if you are very lazy) selling burgers, pylsur and the like. But you want to go for the special...

Half a sheep's head with chips and cocktail sauce.

No, that's not an onion in the eye socket...

3
0
Mike Richards

It'll be hard to beat the Canadians

They have poutine - greasy chips covered in cheese curds and then gravy. It's hard to describe, except that similar things, only less fatty, were being washed ashore along the Gulf of Mexico last year.

There's a horrific close-up on everyone's favourite fact-free zone:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poutine

1
0

Council of Europe wants to maintain net neutrality

Mike Richards

And the crystal ball says...

Jeremy Hunt will reject these proposals on the grounds that it will 'undermine Britain's successful media industry' / 'upset uncle Rupert'.

3
0

Planet with British weather found 20 light years away

Mike Richards

And what have NASA just fired into space?

Squid would laugh at 25g - and still sucker your face off into the bargain.

1
0

CATS to be saved by BLASPHEMERS after the RAPTURE

Mike Richards

Can they look after my pet?

He's quite unique what with his 'seven heads and ten horns, and on his horns ten crowns, and on his heads a blasphemous name'

Answers to the name Mr. Sprinkles.

7
0

NASA's asteroid hunter creeps up on Vesta

Mike Richards

Sheep in a vacuum

After Lewis' story yesterday, shouldn't we consider revising the standard and base it on squid, which are at least decimal?

2
0

Home Office appoints Brokenshire as security minister

Mike Richards

Brokenshire?

It sounds like a place BBC News would make up to chart social decline.

Oh well good luck to him in the thankless job of explaining the government's security knee jerks to the world.

0
0

Train firm offers phone-based ticketing across UK

Mike Richards

Well done Chiltern

Now, is there any chance of DB picking up a few other train operators around the country? I'd especially like First Great Western to vanish into history to be replaced by a competent company who might be willing to - oh and let's get radical here - buy new trains???

1
0

Shuttle mission: SPAWNING of the SPACE KRAKEN

Mike Richards

Cosmic calamari Batman!

We're sending Cthulu back home.

0
0

Forums