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* Posts by Mike Richards

3605 posts • joined 28 Feb 2007

Rebekah Brooks quits - Murdoch accepts this time

Mike Richards

Hacking - I don't think that word means what you think it means

That lexicographic train has long since left the station.

The word 'hacking' now means any attempt to break into a computerised system no matter how it is done. It joins words like 'nice', 'garble', 'brave' and 'artificial' in having dramatically changed their meaning with time.

Give up, the battle is lost.

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Mike Richards

Second redtop gone in a week

At least there won't be a nasty conflict of interest at Call Me Dave's next dinner party.

It'll be interesting to see where La Brooks pops up next.

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Boffins build JELL-O memory for your brain

Mike Richards

Bah - Jell-O

In Britain we'd have used custard.

Possibly with a layer of jelly and sponge biscuits for the substrate. Soaked in cheap alcohol to mimic the natural state of a British brain.

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Murdochs won't talk to MPs over phone-hacking scandal

Mike Richards

James Murdoch

Born in Wimbledon. He at least was once a British citizen. Anyone know if he ever got round to renouncing it?

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Mike Richards

Feel his collar next time he arrives

I'm sure an imaginative judge could say the Murdochs are persons of interest to a police investigation and put a warrant out for their arrest next time they feel obliged to grace us with their presence.

Alternatively, whilst he's here, Rupert could go down to a police station of his own accord and help the rozzers with their enquiries into just when he found out about the phone hacking allegations and that his son had been paying hush money to victims in contravention of British and American law.

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Mike Richards

Can't they summon him?

Using a chalk pentagram at midnight.

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Official: Pastafarian strainer titfer is religious headgear

Mike Richards

'There is no all-you-can-eat-Burger-King on the dark side of the moon.'

There isn't?????

[puts Moon landing plans* back in the drawer]

* hugely detailed:

1: get to Moon

2: Land

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Amazon's anti-iPad arises 'in October'

Mike Richards

Touchscreen Kindle?

Now that could get me to switch from my Sony 650 Reader - which although lovely tech is hobbled by its need to be tethered to the Waterstone's eBook store. It pains me to say it, but Kindle with touchscreen would be pretty much perfect...

...until the next big thing comes along.

Speaking of which, whatever happened to Mirasol screens? Shouldn't they be out by now?

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Blighty's rocketeers gather for ballistic love-in

Mike Richards

Pure bloody genius

If you wrap it with gaffer tape it will be even stronger.

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Microsoft plans to open 75 retail stores in US

Mike Richards

Huh?

They're opening a store in the middle of Wyoming (largest city Cheyenne - population 60,000), but not in neighbouring Colorado (largest city Denver - population 2.5 million)?

This can only make sense if bison are big Windows users.

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So, LOHAN: What's it to be?

Mike Richards

No room for NAOMI

Navigable Aerostat Observes Much of Iberia.

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Mike Richards

LOHAN

Maybe:

Lester's Optimistic Helium Aircraft: Navigable

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German cops hunt HUGE ERECTION-inducing SPIDER

Mike Richards

That only raises more questions

From the article:

'Dr. Nunes said: ‘We found the toxin responsible [for the erections] and performed experiments using hypertensive rats which have severe erectile dysfunction. '

The first question being - how the hell do you know a rat has erectile dysfunction?

And back to spider - ye gods, the last time there was any spider that big it was clamped to Lis Slayden's back.

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Bug-Byte Manic Miner

Mike Richards

Atic Atac!

Pure bloody genius.

It was the one game as a C64 owner I wanted more than any, so I was thrilled when (and correct me if I'm wrong) BugByte released Wizard's Lair for the C64 - a near as dammit clone.

Shame we never got Knights Lore and Sabre Wulf though.

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Mike Richards

C64 Elite

Oh that was just painful.

And any of the Ultimate: Play the Game games for the C64 - the Spectrum got works of art, the C64 got big blocky messes.

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Triceratops horn find supports meteor extinction theory

Mike Richards

Not so

The ages of the rocks are constrained by radioisotopic dating in associated volcanic deposits.

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Mike Richards

It's not proximity that's important

It's continuity.

The deposits in Montana and Wyoming extend across the KT boundary without interruption so it is possible to get a complete sequence of events.

In many other places the end of the Cretaceous is missing or very poorly defined.

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Sunday Times accused of blagging Gordon Brown's records

Mike Richards

Humanity

You have to wonder what sort of a person obtains a sick child's medical records through illegal means and then phones the parents to let them know they're going to see that information splashed across the front of the papers. Rebekah Brooks might not face criminal charges, but she deserves to be reviled every time she appears in public.

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Diary of a cameraman at the last shuttle launch

Mike Richards

Columbia

'The cause of the Columbia Shuttle disaster because they removed insulation from the external fuel tank to save on weight. This allowed ice to build up, which broke off and struck the leading edge of the Shuttles Wing. '

Not quite. The formulation of the foam was changed to reduce its toxicity to workers. This increased the amount of 'popcorning' as trapped gas expanded and blew off chunks of insulation.

The damage to Columbia's wing was done just by insulation, not ice.

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News International grabs SunOnSunday.co.uk domain

Mike Richards

@ spegru

b) Closing NoTW is a cynical move that doesn't hurt News International at all

It actually benefits NI. NotW was an expensive operation (all those fake sheikhs, phone taps and bin rummaging doesn't come cheap) with a separate newsroom. Closing that down and producing a 7 day Sun filled with long-lens shots of various microslebs and reality TV articles from the Sun's existing newsroom will save them several tens of millions a year.

The markets will love it, and Rebekah Brooks will get a bit smoochy kiss from Uncle Rupert.

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Coulson arrested

Mike Richards

Quite

'The only thing missing to make it the ultimate British experience is if it were a mass arrest, and you had five suspects all in the waiting room in an orderly queue waiting for their turn to be arrested.'

Alternatively the suspect tragically stumbles on to a policeman's boots and is then shot trying to escape down a long flight of stairs.

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Mike Richards

But what we're really waiting for

is 'thousand year old desiccated newspaper magnate exorcised.'

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News of the World TO CLOSE

Mike Richards

With the exception Grant Mitchell's ex

Everyone at NotW is on 90 days notice of redundancy. NI has said 'They will be invited to apply for other jobs in the company."

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Mike Richards

Domain

www.thesunonsunday.com was registered two days ago, by Identity Protect in Guildford - anyone know any more?

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Mike Richards

Dropping bad brands

Consignia

Dasani

Windscale (quite apt - another operation which poured toxic waste into the environment)

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Mike Richards

Firing a newsroom to save Rebekah Brooks and his own skin

Looks like the junior Murdoch is just as classy as his dad.

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El Reg to unleash rocket-powered spaceplane

Mike Richards

Hydrogen

Would be fine with most modern balloons, especially anything made of mylar or similar synthetics.

The real risk is handling large volumes of the stuff. Unsurprisingly it's not easy to buy canisters of hydrogen without a licence. But, that said, we all know how to make it...

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Mike Richards

This is a very, very awesome idea

And will you be asking for sponsorship money from us humble proles in exchange for getting our names stuck all over BRITNEY* ?

* British Rocket Into Troposphere - Not Exactly Yuri.

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Cameron backs public inquiry into NotW hacking claims

Mike Richards

Off on hols

It was well known that the holidaying Brooks demanded that electronic copies of the paper were sent to her so she could approve them before they went to print.

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Ofcom maps state of UK broadband

Mike Richards

What does 'average' mean?

I suspect they mean - erm - 'mean' with a few superfast connections dragging the mean upwards. I'd like to know what the median connection speeds are.

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Sunspot decline could mean decades of cold UK winters

Mike Richards

Correlation does not imply causation

This article sounds awfully like another one written by Lewis a couple of weeks ago where a number of people pointed out that the Thames freezing in winter had more to do with the river being wider, slower and partially obstructed by the old London Bridge.

If the Sun was responsible for the Little Ice Age you'd expect it to be a global phenomenon. Instead it is predominantly a Northern Hemisphere event with its epicentre over the Atlantic and Western Europe.

A better explanation for the Little Ice Age is that it was the result of increased levels of vulcanism in the Northern Hemisphere which continued through to the mid-19th Century. The most dramatic cooling - around the 1690s occurs at just the same time that ice cores from Greenland show a large increase in sulfur content - fallout from volcanic activity.

The injection of ash and sulfur compounds into the stratosphere would account for most of the observed cooling.

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Atlantis crew prepare for the 'Final Countdown'

Mike Richards

Massive counterweight? Green women?

It'll be Shatner.

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Chinese coal blamed for global warming er... cooling

Mike Richards

Yep it's right there in the abstract

The article is a very selective reading of the accessible paper which includes the section:

'The finding that the recent hiatus in warming is driven largely by natural factors does not contradict the hypothesis: “most of the observed increase in global average temperature since the mid 20th century is very likely due to the observed increase in anthropogenic greenhouse gas concentrations (14)'

These compounds are short-lived, they are incredibly reactive with moisture - in the atmosphere and in the human lungs and are stabilised as sulfates within a few months of their release. They don't even have the half-life of massive volcanic sulfur emissions which rise into the stratosphere and remain in circulation for years.

The Chinese and Indians will have to curb their sulfur emissions anyway no matter what effect they have on the climate for one reason.

They kill people.

Look up London smog if you have any doubts why massive sulfur emissions are a bad thing.

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BBC mulls talent Twitter ban to prevent storyline spoilers

Mike Richards

Agreed - this is a useful warning system

Sophie Ellis-Bextor, Sting, Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant? It's like the Four Horsemen of the Broadcasting Apocalypse.

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Pissed-off elves bombard Icelandic town with rocks

Mike Richards

'Any arrests yet on that score, I wonder?'

On the subject of investigating the financial crash - yes they've been busy.

Most of the people who brought Iceland to its knees live abroad and the Icelandic justice system is looking at asking for them to be extradited back to Iceland where the locals are flicking through their books of ancient viking punishments.

A number of lower banking officials have been under investigation by a special investigator and are either on trial or awaiting trial for financial irregularities in the run-up to the kreppa, but the big fish is that ex Prime Minister Geir Haarde is on trial for incompetence.

And since you're bound to be interested, the sale of the assets of Landsbanki is likely to go ahead fairly shortly and will either nearly or totally cover the cost of the British bailout to UK investors.

So the big question is, if Iceland can put its crooks on trial, why are the ex-heads of HBOS, Northern Rock and the Whitehall officials who watched the UK's banks go crazy still free?

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Pacific rare-earth discovery: Actually just gigatonnes of dirt

Mike Richards

Nodules!

This story sounds awfully like all the excitement over manganese nodules in the 1960s and 70s.

For those of tender years; huge areas of the deep ocean are covered with potato-shaped chunks of manganese ore which geologists (being ever creative) called manganese nodules. So in the 1960s everyone got excited that we'd never run out of manganese...

...apart from no one knew how to get the nodules to the surface or to refine them economically, and then we realised we weren't running out of manganese any time soon. Which was good, because any attempt to trawl them from the ocean bottom would have been an ecological catastrophe.

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Samsung NS310 netbook

Mike Richards

I assumed

You had photos of most high tech movers and shakers in compromising positions with an eclectic range of livestock.

Disappointed if this is not the case.

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Earth orbit for £1,000? You must be joking

Mike Richards

Balloon

A mylar balloon would be trackable in orbit and not need any batteries or solar cells - the two Echo passive communications satellites in the 1950s were nothing more than huge balloons that reflected radio waves.

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Mike Richards

Don't be silly we live on a sphere.

We just drop it off Australia and it will fall down into orbit.

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El Reg cuts ribbon on new Special Projects Bureau

Mike Richards

Lunokhod

How about emulating the Soviet Lunokhod rovers by building a really remote controlled vehicle that children/people can control over the Internet to explore Lester's little hideaway?

Either that or go the whole hog and build a deep frozen aircraft carrier aka. Habbakuk. Doing that in Spain only adds to the irony.

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Mike Richards

What about an elastic band powered car?

First donkey in space. (Burro Rises Into Troposphere Nerds Eulogy (to) Yuri)

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Mike Richards

It might just be me

But whatever you do next must end up really, really annoying the Americans.

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'Lion' Apple Mac OS X 10.7: Sneak Preview

Mike Richards

The dogsbreakfastisation of the Mac continues

God I hate these new interfaces. There's no reason to bring an interface designed for a handheld machine to a 29" iMac other than 'because you can'. Likewise, why on earth does a computer calendar need to look like a paper one? Apple seems to have relegated its interface design to the kiddies who used to skin WinAmp.

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Canada buys Obama's reject Brit choppers for spare parts

Mike Richards

Didn't Canada also buy

Crappy British submarines?

Come on Canada, you should have learned a lesson that we can't do this death tech.

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Gov piles pressure on News Corp in BSkyB bid

Mike Richards

Independent director

Murdoch made similar promises when he took over The Times and broke them within months. He knows Hunt 'n co. won't get in the way of his plans.

Now, when's he going to start paying tax on NI's UK's operations?

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Moderatrix kisses the Reg goodbye

Mike Richards

'I hope you've been training a new Moderatrix?'

Sarah's told us the forums will now be firmly spanked by Jude.

He does not sound like a moderatrix - at least not in my fantasies.

By the way Sarah, if you haven't left yet is there still time to tell you about my fantasies? Sarah? Sarah?

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German vulture detective hits turbulence

Mike Richards

Release the police pelicans

Personally I think the collective noun for vultures should be 'a gluttony'.

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17 flock to see Gordon Ramsay turkey

Mike Richards

'Would you have clicked on this story if it had Dougray Scott in the headline?'

Not a chance, but had you mentioned the moustache himself - PETER BOWLES - that would have been another matter.

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Mike Richards

Good idea

But it must be a children's bedtime book.

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London Olympics shop in Union Jack outrage

Mike Richards

The other way of looking at this

Is that anyone who bought one of these horrors probably has a nice collectable for The Antiques Roadshow'.

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