* Posts by Roger Kynaston

241 posts • joined 5 Oct 2007

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User needed 40-minute lesson in turning it off and turning it on again

Roger Kynaston

Similar experience

A phone call from my Mother in Law.

"The internet is broken"

I asked her to describe what she saw and what she told me sounded like a disk failure

Turns out that she had got the left right buttons on the mouse confused and somehow deleted the firefox shortcut on the task bar.

Since she never used computers until about seven years ago I can't really complain but I do wish I could just nip down there (jamaica) every time there is a problem of this sort rather than have multiple phone calls after work.

I have always tried not view very inexperienced users with contempt. Experienced users is another matter entirely ;-)

8
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The only thing worse than working at CSC? An Xmas redundo programme at CSC

Roger Kynaston
Mushroom

Furkin euphemisms

It is the realigning business objectives with the pipeline bullshit that will do for us. It makes me want to take to the barricades and I don't even work for them.

9
1

Angry user demands three site visits to fix email address typos

Roger Kynaston

Ah Education

My first proper IT job was at a certain university now going down the drain with a loud glug glug sound.

The computing department had it's offices next to the Information Services office where a shiny newbie was sat. A lecturer in "computer science" calls.

CS lecturer: "I need the internet! The internet isn't working!"

Me: "OK is it email or do you want to browse the web?"

CS Lecturer: "The internet isn't working!"

Me: "Could you show me which program that isn't working"

He then pointed at the IE3 icon and sure enough it didn't work. The officially sanctioned browser was whatever version of Netscape was current then.

CS Lecturer: "But that isn't the internet."

I don't remember how I explained it but I think he was happy and I never go called by him again.

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Trump's plan: Tariffs on electronics, ban on skilled tech migrants, turn off the internet

Roger Kynaston
Mushroom

Drumpf take on tech.

Didn't he want to get Bill Gates in to shut down the internet? Perhaps his innate stupidity will stop him from actually doing anything too destructive.

Wur all doomed!

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Build your Type 26 warships next year? Sure, MoD – now, about that contract...

Roger Kynaston
Coat

When we see the current ones on the Tamar

They have a big rotating ball at the top of the superstructure. We have therefore named them bollocks of death.

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Capita STILL hasn't delivered usable Army recruitment IT system

Roger Kynaston

Re: System delivery

Ermmm. Aren't they the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation. How big is their complaints department?

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Smart Meter rollout delayed again. Cost us £11bn, eh?

Roger Kynaston
Mushroom

Just wait for them to be pwned

Must be a wet dream for the IoT DDOSers having a load of internet connected devices in every home. Bet Crapita can't do security.

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Probe boffins: Two balls deep in Uranus's ring

Roger Kynaston

if NASA is't interested in nether regions perhaps ESA is

I am sure they could name the probe bottom (from Midsummer Night's Dream)

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Robots blamed for wiping 10 per cent off the value of sterling

Roger Kynaston
Pint

but but but

We have got our country back!

<snigger>

Beer because we will need lots of it (real ale only of course)

23
8

‘You can’t opt out of IoT’: Our future is the Rise of the Sensor Machines

Roger Kynaston
Mushroom

I for one

Welcome my botnet IoT overlords.

Sounds like complete bollocks to me.

8
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The wait is over: MoD releases latest issue of Ship Paint Monthly

Roger Kynaston
Coat

Re fascinated

marine coatings are a complicated issue not just for the jolly jack tars. My GRP boat was moulded in light blue. The previous owner applied Awlgrip in navy blue but that is now very tired but I can't afford to pay a professional the £5k odd. Ergo I am looking at how to get a two pack polyurethane to achieve the same effect.

Then there is the copper antifoul below the waterline. Conventional antifoul uses copper compounds in a friable substrate and has to be replace every year or so. Mine is three times as expensive and has metallic copper in an epoxy substrate and should last ten years.

Even the deszincification bit is important as the propeller is made from bronze (contains zinc) while the prop shaft is stainless. This sets up a galvanic cell and will eventually reduce the expensive prop to a spongy mess of copper.

I won't even start on the brightwork!

Geekiness of a very high order and mine is the one with powdered copper in the pocket and epoxy stains on the sleeves.

6
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It's Pablo Pic-arsehole: Turner Prize wannabe hits rock bottom

Roger Kynaston

What will they make of this in Victoria

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2016/09/26/butt_out_victoria_cracks_down_on_mooning/

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High rear end winds cause F-35A ground engine fire

Roger Kynaston
Coat

Excessive blade rubbing

Ooh Err Missus! You'll go blind doing that.

1
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Moron is late for flight, calls in bomb threat

Roger Kynaston

Re: I'm confused (Not that that is an unusual state for me, mind you).

I think our friendly Reg hack may have done a bit of rounding. Just checked with a search giant's conversion thingy and CA$3844.88 converts to £2254.46. I can't be bothered to do the same for greenbacks.

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TRUMP: ICANN'T EVEN! America won't hand over internet control to Russia on my watch

Roger Kynaston

Re: All hail the new Golden Don!

FoTW? I know that it isn't complete gibberish in terms of grammar but ...

You have brightened up a drab Thursday and for that I thank you Sir.

1
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She cannae take it, Captain Kirk! USS Zumwalt breaks down

Roger Kynaston
Pint

El Reg unit

is that IoW ferry the one that goes from Southampton to Cowes, Portsmouth to Wootton Bridge or Lymington to Yarmouth? Precision please!

18
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MoD confirms award of giant frikkin' laser cannon contract

Roger Kynaston
Mushroom

Frikkin lasers

Will armour plating now consist of giant mirrors or will it just burn through the glass and reflective coating? My physics on such things is of course close to no existent.

2
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The next Bond – Basildon or Bass-Ass? YOU decide

Roger Kynaston
Coat

Siri as Bond

If we have Siri as Bond then the villain has to be Cortana while the rebellious good guy that Bond/Siri uses to defeat has to be a penguin.

In terms of a Jane Bond - why not Sophie Okenedo?

Mines the one with no original ideas it in it.

1
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Excel abuse hits new heights as dev uses VBA to code spreadsheet messaging app

Roger Kynaston
Thumb Up

Tide tables

but does the laptop on your chart table have enough oomph to spin up the Win98VM?

0
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Meet Deliveroo's ‘bold and impactful’ new logo. No, really

Roger Kynaston
Pint

This is a spoof right?

if not I need lots of beer.

0
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It's time for humanity to embrace SEX ROBOTS. For, uh, science, of course

Roger Kynaston

When will the Fail get hold of this?

We can then be treated to a spectacular explosion of righteous rage.

2
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Hollywood offers Daniel Craig $150m to (slash wrists) play James Bond

Roger Kynaston

Off the wall (or not)

Hows about Helen Mirren?

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Roger Kynaston

Re: Gina Carano

I would definitely like a Jane Bond and Gina would be first class. Any british actresses?

0
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'Second Earth' exoplanet found right under our noses – just four light years away

Roger Kynaston

Obligatory HGTH reference

At least any explorers will be able to stock up with food at Port Brasta.

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Five-storey Blue Screen Of Death spotted in Thailand

Roger Kynaston
Meh

public BSOD

The video ad screens on Underground stations regularly advertise the stability of MS operating systems.

7
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Swedish Pokemon teens terrorised by laser-wielding 'sex pigs'

Roger Kynaston
Coat

Re: That's really

Arghhh. I should really downvote you for bringing that back to light. Anyway, two can play at that

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087425/?ref_=fn_al_tt_5

Not much link with the original story though except that they have skiing in Sweden.

0
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Hey, turn down that radio, it's alien season and we're hunting aliens

Roger Kynaston
Pint

Re: I for one take 2

Well looking at frequencies in the MHz range as opposed to the GHz range is I suppose relatively long wavelength.

I am not very good with radio propagation but very long wavelength (on the order of KHz) bounces off the ionoshere so I presume that just as SW radio can travel round the world any incoming SW would bounce back out into space.

I am going to fit the boat with an HF with a pactor modem set at some point so will have to learn more about all that sort of stuff.

Beer because it is nearly time.

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Roger Kynaston
Coat

I for one

Welcome our low frequency overlords.

had to be done.

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ICO wades in after GP doxxes woman to her estranged ex-partner

Roger Kynaston

Ouch

As GP surgeries are more or less individual companies I can imagine more of them not having a good handle on information security.

1
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Mars' 'little green men' buried alive by merciless meteorites – new theory

Roger Kynaston
Coat

Mars Attacks?

NC

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Openreach to split from BT... so they'll be 'Legally Separate'

Roger Kynaston

Full separation

Does that mean Openreach would be publicly traded? What would be the outcome if some other provider (Verizon or such like) decides to bid for it? Is that a a possibility? I don't live in the States but I gather that they are not very popular over that side of the pond.

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BOFH: Free as in free beer or... Oh. 'Free Upgrade'

Roger Kynaston

Happy days

Not strictly a printer droids fault but ...

I once worked at a university and a big part of the annual registration process to getting the registration form working. As they had not progressed to proper interfaces between systems the registration form was a 5 part carbon that had to be printed on some ancient serial connected matrix printers. Of course, each year they would redesign the bloody form and it was a different size every time so i had a major fight to fiddle the printer settings to work with it

I actually suggested getting an interface between Student Records and Finance at a meeting and the head of registry went absolutely ballistic.

I wish I had a step ladder now.

6
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Holy Crap! Bloke finishes hand-built CPU project!

Roger Kynaston
Pint

Can we git it to be PM

Sounds like it would make a better job of the current crop both just departed and future. Must have more processing power than a blonde mop.

Excellent project though and I would vote for either Betchley or Science Museum.

Beer because the builder definitely deserves one and I need lots tonight.

2
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Put storage inside the individual hosts of a virtual cluster? You're CRAZY... Like a fox

Roger Kynaston

Re: who is actually reading the article?

I read it as well but didn't understand it. In the BS bingo league though this seems to score quite highly and hyper is the new term so I propose we hyperconverge our hypervisors with a hypertext interface. In that way we can realise the full potential of our hyperbole.

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Stuxnet was the opening shot of decades of non-stop cyber warfare

Roger Kynaston
Mushroom

What happens when real people get killed

The trouble with military action is that people will be in the line of fire. Unless this sort of thing targets purely military systems civilians are going to be damaged/killed. Most IT infrastructure is aimed at supporting a countries civilians. Let us suppose that a future Stuxnet is able to make a nuclear reactor melt down ( I know that this is extremely unlikely given all the safety cutouts and such like in that industry). Would such a thing then be classed as a war crime? After all, dropping some ordinance on the reactor would be.

2
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When Capita job ads go BAD

Roger Kynaston
Happy

Good Friday along with BOFH

And it is getting on for Beer o clock as well.

2
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Queen's Speech: Ministers, release the spaceplanes!*

Roger Kynaston

Re: Who's Brenda? @Oor Nonny-Muss

A very many years ago Private Eye had a picture of a much younger Brenda with a speech bubble saying "I hope you realise I didn't write this crap"

I was too young to see it for real but my Father had a ten year compilation of Eyes that the pre teen me used to enjoy reading all the rude words.

2
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IBM invents printer that checks for copyrights

Roger Kynaston

Daft idea

If I want to copyright something. All i do is put

© Roger Kynaston 2016

at the bottom and it is my copyright. Enforcing this is another issue. Will it block anything with the © in it.

0
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5% of drivers want Nigel Farage to be their in-car robo butler

Roger Kynaston

Rab C Nesbitt

I once had a passenger with a broad glaswegian accent trying to direct me to a place in Bristol - it was highly amusing. Perhaps it should be interspersed with Brian Sewell though.

0
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We're calling it: World hits peak Namey McNameface

Roger Kynaston
Coat

Friday and there is no

BOFHy McBastardface

3
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UK.gov is about to fling your data at anyone who wants it. How? Why? Shut up, pleb

Roger Kynaston
Go

One way for plebs to be heard

It is a bit old fashioned but writing to your MP can help. Most of them like receiving post and should forward it to the relevant minister who will then get a mandarin to write some flannel. At least if they get a lot of letters they realise that people are not happy bunnies and may even read one of the well reasoned letters.

Of course if your MP is a time serving pillock you are bit stuffed.

9
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Siri's maker finally unveils dev-tastic universal AI interface Viv

Roger Kynaston

Not just the Young Ones

All the Vivian's (Viv Richards) and Viviennes (Vivienne Leigh) are not going to be too happy about being reduced to a bot.

0
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Brit polar vessel christened RRS Sir David Attenborough

Roger Kynaston

I pity the poor radio operator

Falmouth Coastguard, Falmouth Coastguard, Falmouth Coastguard. This is RSS David Attenborough, RSS David Attenborough. We are giving notice that we will be deploying diving operations with ROV Boaty McBoatface in Lat blah Long blah. They will trip over everything all the time!

3
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At last: Ordnance Survey's map wizardry goes live

Roger Kynaston
Pint

Map geek

I'll have to sign up for the paid one though I am going to continue my quest to get all 204 sheets in the Landranger.

Any chance the Admiralty could be persuaded to do something similar given how awful ARCS is?

Beer because a pub should be the end destination of all walks.

13
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Remain in the EU and help me snoop on the world, says Theresa May

Roger Kynaston
Joke

Re: Kryptonaut

Theresa May most definitely *Cannot* have her wicked way with me!

5
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US congresscritter's iPhone hacked (with, er, the cell networks' help)

Roger Kynaston
Happy

Re: Maybe it is time for....

I read that as SSB first. I am sure we would all love a return to HAM radio! No privacy but no one has to hack it as it is broadcast in clear for the whole world to listen to.

1
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Chilling evidence emerges of Kilocat weapon

Roger Kynaston
Pint

First class

Very enjoyable and I for one welcome our thousand feline overlords. Add my virtual beer to the jars for this evening though were I happily in Spain I would like to have a nice bottle of Navarra wine.

1
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Hey, Atlantis Computing. What the heck is this in your EULA?

Roger Kynaston
Coat

The first rule

The first rule about EULA is that you don't talk about EULA.

I'm off. Got an office party of all things.

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Prof Hawking to mail postage-stamp space craft to Alpha Centauri using frickin' lasers

Roger Kynaston
Happy

funding of projects

If Milner wants to fund an interesting research project - I would be happy for him to get me a Rival 41 and I will verify the effects of rum punch on humans while they sit an anchor in palm fringed anchorages in the Caribbean.

This would need to be a long term research project and of course we would need to check the effects of all sorts of alcohol all over the place. On the upside, the return would be somewhat quicker than a 20 year mission to Alpha Centauri - I estimate 8 to 10 years would allow a thorough investigation.

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