* Posts by TeeCee

9435 publicly visible posts • joined 5 Oct 2007

Frenchmen's sperm plunges by a third in quality and quantity since '89

TeeCee Gold badge
Joke

I'll bet I know.

I reckon they've cut down on drinking wine and are drinking more beer.

Beer contains female hormones. This is easy to prove as, if you drink a lot of it, you start talking complete bollocks and lose the ability to drive.

New research cuts Kepler's exoplanet count by one third

TeeCee Gold badge
Coat

NASA's Kepler

Who wrote the analysis software? McAfee?

Australian Prime Minister: Mayan calendar 'true'

TeeCee Gold badge
Coat

"This prank is therefore seen as a vote-winner."

Can't see it. Surely after a world-ending apocalypse, nothing is going to affect your share of the vote when the total electorate is zero?

Qwerty keyboards

TeeCee Gold badge

Works OK on a full fat tablet, although it is like using one of those old "slablet" things that used to have a real keyboard and a few lines of LED or LCD display above. You end up with your tablet screen being mostly keyboard with a bit of screen visible above. If you're really lucky and the software writer doesn't have his thumb up his arse, it may even be the bit you're trying to type in.

On a phone screen it's rather less successful. Typing is out, "point and peck" too often results in hitting the wrong character and you really need something like Swype to make it usable.

As things stand right now, if you want to type more than a few lines (phone) or a couple of paragraphs (tablet) or, god-forbid, you need to be able to see the full format of what you're typing, a full-fat computer with a keyboard is an infinitely better option.

Having said all that, I find that the on screen keyboard with Swype on my Xperia Arc S is eminently usable for texts and short mails of a few lines.

Moon riven by colossal cracks

TeeCee Gold badge
Joke

A moon with a huge crack in it.

As seen in a passing coach window quite regularly.

Schmidt: Microsoft will never be as cool as the Gang of Four

TeeCee Gold badge
WTF?

Odd "Gang of Four" there.

A shiny toy maker, a bullshit aggregator, a department store cum data centre and an advertising giant.

I'm sure there's room for a bunch of fuckwit monkey dancers in that eclectic mix.

Pioneering spidernaut snuffs it after short Smithsonian stay

TeeCee Gold badge
WTF?

Re: I'm not sure that I see the point of this experiment...

For something that hunts by jumping I'd have thought that the whole "not coming down again" bit would be rather noticable.

Slash A THIRD off Surface RT price or it's toast, Microsoft told

TeeCee Gold badge
Facepalm

Re: I'd give it a go for 250 squids

...AND the Tegra 3 was replaced with a state of the art ARM SoC.

Er, you do know what a Tegra 3 is, don't you? Probably the most state of the art state of the art ARM SoC around at the moment.

TeeCee Gold badge
Mushroom

Re: Low end?

Maybe so, but a poxy 7" screen is.

Copying Wikipedia's lies is not just for hacks, right Lord Leveson?

TeeCee Gold badge
Facepalm

Re: It's a launch pad

...if there's one lasting legacy of Wikipedia it's that it has hopefully taught people to be more critical about the source of their knowledge.

No. What it's taught us is that some people will believe anything if it's written down in black and white. But we knew that already.

TeeCee Gold badge

If you're thinking of using Wikifacts(tm) anywhere important, check the edits and discussions associated with the page. If there's a flame war going on in there, take it with a pinch of salt.

TeeCee Gold badge
Stop

Ronnie Hazlehurst

"....emerging from retirement to write a club hit."

ISTR that the actual spurious credit given was for an S Club 7 hit. There is a subtle difference I believe.

Maybe you should have have checked this on, er, Wikipedia?

Children increasingly named after Apple products

TeeCee Gold badge
Meh

Re: Or even

"...he was once my CEO."

I suppose that your name could be seen to limit your career opportunities. With that one, your only options are CEO or Traffic Warden.

TeeCee Gold badge
Alert

Re: Had a nose around

Amelia, have they heard the song?

TeeCee Gold badge
Coat

Re: @ AC 1405h - Suse?

Add a large Brandy and Babycham if you prefer OpenSuse.....

TeeCee Gold badge
Coat

I feel sorry.....

.....for poor little Thunderbolt Adaptor.

NAND then something new came along: Nanotube men get $10m

TeeCee Gold badge
Thumb Up

Depends on how the OS initialises memory when it's allocated.

Just taking it as is and relying on it being "empty" is extremely bad practice with volatile memory, it just becomes astonishingly daft with non-volatile.

A cold boot will still be a cold boot, with memory being allocated and initialised as required, regardless of what may still be in there from previous times. If what was in there does cause a problem on restart, then you either have a bug in your memory allocation or a fault in the memory itself.

Having said that, a bit of code in the BIOS to zero RAM on a cold start would be a sensible precaution. Hey, the return of running through a memory check on boot!

This is likely lead to better software, as any failure to correctly initialise allocated memory is far more likely to become painfully obvious in testing with non-volatile memory.

First pic of Ashton Kutcher as the great Steve 'jOBS'

TeeCee Gold badge
Unhappy

Re: Apple haters can start getting their rotten tomatoes ready now

I'll give it a miss as it's scripted by Sorkin.

Any sycophant who's had their tongue that far up Zuckerbitch's tradesman's entrance makes me cringe.

Hero Playmonaut lost at sea as SPEARS ditches in Channel

TeeCee Gold badge
WTF?

""the underlying data from NOAA...."

Asking the yanks about the British weather? What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Maybe you should check with the Met Office next time.

TeeCee Gold badge

Re: Maybe this is the right time to send your condolences...

"Playmobil-Funpark"

If that's got anything to do with our Playmonaut, I have to say that being dropped from 70,000m into a wintery English Channel is a novel usage of the word "fun".

TeeCee Gold badge
Mushroom

Re: Maybe too soon to suggest it?

Oi! That's booked for those using unsmoked bacon in their butties. Get yer own.

Forget fluorescents, plastic lighting strips coming out next year

TeeCee Gold badge

Re: Dimmable?

Depends what you mean by "existing" dimmer switches.

If you mean existing modern electronic ones that will also dim low-voltage halogens and CCFLs, then almost certainly yes.

If you mean the shonky old variable resistor type, the smart money's got to be on no.

TeeCee Gold badge

Problem is that you only need one "short life" one and the payback time in energy savings from fitting the things disappears off into lala land.

I reckon about 1 in 10 or so don't make it through the first couple of weeks. They are like WW1 pilots though, if they make it through those two weeks they're likely to last many years.

AMD finishes its 'Piledriver' Opteron server chip rollout

TeeCee Gold badge

It has to fight Intel – and win.

Not sure about that. I reckon they think all they have to do is hold the line until their 64-bit ARM chips ship in volume.

I have a sneaking suspicion that they're looking back at what being first with 64-bit in x86 did for them and betting the farm on repeating it in ARM. If so, you have to suspect that they're on to something. The only thing holding ARM back in servers is the memory addressing limitations. 64-bit ARM could well own the high-density / low power server market.

Big plus: This is something that Intel do not already have half-done on the shelf.......

His Holiness Benedict XVI to tweet to his Catholic flock

TeeCee Gold badge
Happy

Great!

There's an old question, often quoted here, that can now be answered directly.

Now, if we could just get Dr Doolittle to interpret for bears..........

Apple's new 'Assembled in USA' iMac a bear to upgrade, repair

TeeCee Gold badge
Meh

Re: Unclear

The best "assembled in..." I can think of is for German made cars.

Meanwhile in the real world, where perception is uncoloured by prejudice, the VAG cars assembled by Czechs yield consistantly superior build quality and reliability to those assembled by Germans.....

TeeCee Gold badge
Facepalm

Re: Where?

If we're going to head off topic in that direction, where's the screaming diatribe from Hakan Rentaquote about anticompetitive practice because Chromebooks won't let you completely remove Chrome and replace it with Opera?

I always thought he was less about competition and more about kneejerk MS-hatred. Nice to see it proved.

Xboxes stay on sale but may cost Microsoft money in Google case

TeeCee Gold badge
Facepalm

Re: Curious argument

Cobblers. Most of the large companies have coughed up including Samsung, who are not afraid to go toe-to-toe with the 500lb gorilla of tech lawsuits, Apple.

Thus you have to suspect that whatever MS are licensing for Android is sound as all the other big mobile players have shut up and coughed up. This is more about Google deliberately picking a fight by proxy. Presumably the plan was that wielding the Moto patent portfolio would force MS into a cross-licensing deal, but that appears to have blown up in their faces.

TeeCee Gold badge

Re: Please do forgive my ignorance

You missed the very important bit.

It has yet to be decided whether or not MS are infringing the patents in question at all. If they are, then the FRAND back-licensing applies.

Nobody buys even a FRAND license for something they think they aren't using.

Why doesn't Apple buy Dyson

TeeCee Gold badge
Coat

Re: Why doesn't Apple buy Dyson

Someone's got to say it......

Don't Apple already have enough things that suck?

Help-desk hell

TeeCee Gold badge

A similar one from a supplier of the XYZ system (names have been changed to protect the innocent) and neatly proving that even those "users" who should know better, sometimes don't. Unix software, from before the days of POSIX directory structures.

"I've installed your software and it doesn't work".

"Which user account did you use to perform the installation?"

"My own".

"Ah. It clearly says in the installation guide that you must install as root. Do you have the root password?".

"No, but I can get it."

"Ok. Do that and I'll wait."

<Time passes>

"Right. Got it and logged in."

"Good. We need to reinstall but, before we do, we'll just tidy up the previous error to be on the safe side."

"Cd to slash bin."

"Ok. Done that."

"Right. Now type rm, minus rf, XYZ star."

"Ok."

"Right now type..."

"...it hasn't come back yet."

"Is it finished yet?"

"No."

<Deep sense of foreboding.....>

"Read back exactly what you typed in, including the spaces."

"Rm, space, minus rf, space, XYZ, space, star."

"Oooooookkaaaaayyyyyyy. Tell me. Do you have a recent system backup to hand.....?"

Adobe's revenge on Steve Jobs: HTML5

TeeCee Gold badge
Facepalm

Re: Oh no!

... but nearly all the exploits are Windows-only?

You are confusing the exploit itself and the malware out there availing itself of the exploit. Just 'cos nobody's hitting it on other platforms doesn't mean it's not there. Why do you think Adobe keep shipping new versions of Flash, Reader, etc for Linux? Just for the sheer fun of it?

Ready for ANOTHER patent war? Apple 'invents' wireless charging

TeeCee Gold badge
Facepalm

Re: Could I patent 'Patent Trolling'?

No, you can't have that for this reason.

Unfortunately the professional trolls are much better trolls than you are.

Archaeologists uncover 'Unicorn's lair'

TeeCee Gold badge
Coat

Re: Name of a Pub?

So you think that stone tablet is a sign of the times?

TeeCee Gold badge
Facepalm

Re: Much like the Bosnian pyramids

So you mean it can look like a unicorn, if you look at it from the right direction and squint a bit?

Meanwhile, every actual geologist who's taken a look has described the Bosnian pyramids as, er, "hills". I wish 'em luck with the excavations, it takes the aggregates industry several years to chew through a decent sized hill using explosives, humungous excavators and 40-tonne dumper trucks, never mind doing it with trowels and buckets.....

Prisoner found with phone + charger in anal cavity

TeeCee Gold badge
Coat

I've come over all Dungeon Mastery....

....and started wondering what the encucumberence factor of a phone and charger is.

TeeCee Gold badge
Unhappy

They probably can't be arsed to raise the FOI request to find out. Especially as it'll be rejected on grounds of "commercial confidentiality".

NASA: THE TRUTH about the END OF THE WORLD on 21 Dec

TeeCee Gold badge
Facepalm

Let me fix that.

"... there is a core of people who are truly concerned complete raving nutjobs of the highest calibre."

Jokes of no more than 2 lines

TeeCee Gold badge

Sports apparel.

If male rugby players wear jock straps, do female rugby players wear fan belts?

Motörheadphönes Motörizer rock 'phones review

TeeCee Gold badge
Coat

Re: All so establishment in old age...

"I want to see Henry Rollins flogging Hello Kitty..."

Ooooooh, I think the Dead Kennedys would be far more amusing for that one.

Twitter forced to cough raw feed after PeopleBrowsr wins temporary order

TeeCee Gold badge

Re: Firehose?

Last time this one came up, I suggested "sewer".

I believe that is the correct term for a big pipe full of crap.

Register readers mostly too ashamed to cop to hideous hoard horrors

TeeCee Gold badge
Joke

Re: what interface

You need an old soundblaster card.

Then you can plug the paddle[1] into the joystick interface port.....

[1] If you don't get it, you're not old enough.

The Lord of the Rings saga lies hidden deep in your Mac

TeeCee Gold badge
Meh

Re: >"when exactly was Bilbo rescued from Wargs by Eagles, after all?"

Wargs are kind of like big dogs.

Yes. In the same way that nuclear tipped ICBMs are kind of like firework rockets....

Global warming still stalled since 1998, WMO Doha figures show

TeeCee Gold badge
Coat

"...the levels seen in the 1980s and early 1990s."

Ah! So the real underlying cause of Global Warming is shoulder pads and bouffant hair then?

Ten badass brainy computers from science fiction

TeeCee Gold badge
Coat

Re: You forgot a couple

....when its designer explains that what it's done is horribly wrong, the computer chooses suicide.

Another thing now looking terribly dated. Here's the modern version:

"And what is the penalty for murder, M5?"

"Thirty years confinement, with time off for good behaviour. Hell, I'm permanently confined in this engine room anyway, so screw the time off. Might as well have some fun and get stuck into some serious arse-kicking..."

Spaniards Joyn together to hunt and kill the Skype monster

TeeCee Gold badge
FAIL

"just get billed for the local data as long as the other party is part of Joyn."

Or just add the Skype app and just get billed for local data regardless of whether or not the other party is in some local clique.

At the end of the day, you can either use Joyn for those on it and Skype for everyone else, or just use Skype for everyone. Given those two choices, it's not hard to see which one wins.

'Brit Bill Gates' defends his honour in open letter to HP board

TeeCee Gold badge
Meh

'Brit Bill Gates'

That's probably a bit unfair.

As I recall, Bill made his billions from building a hugely successful company and not by chucking a startup together, cooking the books and then flogging it sharpish to a gullible third party.

This isn't plain old success, this is Success 2.0.

MONSTER QUASAR BLAST blows stunned astro boffins' WIGS OFF

TeeCee Gold badge
Coat

Re: Energy output like that...

Don't be daft. To make toast really quickly you'd need two of these so that you could toast both sides at the same time.

DNS servers filled with wrong Kool-Aid, big names waylaid in Romania

TeeCee Gold badge
Coat

Pakistan.

So the previous Pakistani problem was that someone pissed on their PKNIC?

Made my day.......

Upstart plans to reanimate cold dead corpse of holographic storage

TeeCee Gold badge
Happy

Re: Completely Dead Duck

...could scale to a petabit in 1cm^2.

I have a sneaking suspicion that the bit of the SD card spec that mandates FAT32 is going to have to go.