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* Posts by TeeCee

7072 posts • joined 5 Oct 2007

Anatomy of OpenSSL's Heartbleed: Just four bytes trigger horror bug

TeeCee
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Re: A bug in a library is always worse, but...

Who in their right mind is still running web sites on Windows ?

No idea. But whoever they are, I'll bet they're laughing like a drain right now.

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Murdoch says Microsoft needs 'big clean out'

TeeCee
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Read all about it!

Elderly bloke tries to understand modern tech, uses buzzword on tw@ter in attempt to sound "with it".

Pictures at 11.

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How Brit computer maker beat IBM's S/360 - and Soviet spies

TeeCee
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Translation.

“IBM had a simple argument: ‘We are by far the biggest. It’s a safe decision to come to us’,”

I believe that this was more usually and succinctly expressed as; "Nobody ever got fired for buying IBM.".

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'Yahoo! Breaks! Every! Mailing! List! In! The! World!' says email guru

TeeCee
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Re: The Good thing about Yahoo

I'll read the email, go on to the next and somehow the previous email has disappeared entirely.

Bloody hell, I thought it was something I was doing wrong.

The secret is to look up the help on rules to file mail where it says something like; "Sod off. Lump it all together and use the search function, organising stuff is so last century.". Use the search to find the "missing" mail. It will find it and the mail will then automagically reappear where you expected it to be in the first place as a side effect.

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Twitter rejigs layout, opens wide to swallow SLURRY OF ADS

TeeCee
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Alert

"...web interface when using the site online..."

Aha! Facebook disease 2.0.

"We're worth billions because our huge user base gets ads fired at them on our website."

"Er, most of your user base use your services via a mobile app and don't see them."

"Ah. Right. Sorry. Ahem: We're worth fuck-all because....."

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Video games make you NASTY AND VIOLENT

TeeCee
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Facepalm

Other news today.

Video games turn psychologists into vindictive bastards who keep carping on about the same old bullshit for decades, despite there continuing to be no evidence to support their theories.

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Apple to protect your gently roasting rear with 'iTanning' system

TeeCee
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Really?

A UV sensor would be very useful to the people of Essex as they embark on the quest for the perfect deep orange tan

One question: Exactly how does a UV sensor discern the colour that a tin of spray on tan will dry to?

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Report mash-up: Apple to sell 65 million $269 iWatches in first year

TeeCee
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Happy

Not for me.

Now. If they made a Babbage engined one out of foamed ceramic/brass composite, driving a display of subminiature Nixie tubes powered by a nanoscale generator and all driven by clockwork[1], that would be very clever and I'd be interested.

Put a death ray function on the "nice to have" list too.

[1] Ideally with an attractively engraved winding handle sporting a mahogany grip. This could be a bit of a problem, given the need for it to be micro-usb compatible in order to comply with regulatory requirements for chargers these days.

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Siri set to rival Windows beauty Cortana after Apple eats Novauris

TeeCee
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Re: Speech recognition vs providing information

I hear what you say, but when you want to do something simple handsfree, like "Call Joe Bloggs on mobile", while abroad on umpty-something quid a kilobyte data roaming charges[1], a local recog system is a "must have" unless you have very deep pockets.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. By far and away the best voice dial and other simple stuff system I have ever used was MS Voice Commander on the old WinMo platform[2]. Now, given that that was around the thick end of a decade ago and ran on hardware that took significant time to get around to twiddling its own thumbs, we're way past due for someone to do better by now.

[1] Not to mention the interminable wait for it to do its stuff over a shonky 2G connection.

[2] This even used to cope well with my mangling of non-English names, something that nothing I've tried since can handle with any degree of accuracy. Rather amusingly, it was better at getting it right than most of those systems where you had to laboriously pre-record voice tags for every contact.

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Torvalds rails at Linux developer: 'I'm f*cking tired of your code'

TeeCee
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Flame

Hear hear!

Torvalds is notoriously reluctant to make changes to the Linux kernel to address bugs found in other software

Too bloody right! I hate to think what's going to happen when Linus calls it a day and Linux goes to over to more conventional governance. I really resent having to code around a load of shit provided by A. N. Other piece of software purely because nobody's got the balls to put their foot down and tell ${CEO's_fave_project_this_week} that they need to put their underpants back inside their trousers and fix some bugs before the next round of bells and whistles gets piled onto it.

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Forget superstars, this HYPERGIANT star is 1,300 times the size of OUR SUN

TeeCee
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Re: Black hole in the making?

Never mind the Black Hole, oodles of those around.

1300 solar masses is getting into Hypernova territory and when it eventually collapses, we could see a decent sized Gamma Ray Burst from it.

That could present something of a problem.

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BuzzGasm: 9 Incredible Things You Never Knew About PLIERS!

TeeCee
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Mushroom

Don't stir it. That argument got quite heated last time around.

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It's a BLOCKBUSTER: Minecraft heads to the silver screen

TeeCee
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Re: Can't be worse than the Battleship movie

The problem with saying that nothing could be worse than "Battleship" is that it overlooks the possibility that someone might be insane enough to allow M Night Shyamalan (with all his cod-psych knobs turned up to 11) to direct Will Smith, cast against type, in a masterpiece of bullshit, plot holes and contradictions of the egotistical superstar's own devising.

Proof that there really are things you just couldn't make up.......not that you'd want to......

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Yes! New company smartphones! ... But I don't WANT one

TeeCee
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Just replaced mine.

My previous phone was a Sony Ericsson Xperia Arc S. Right size, ludicrously thin, and using "Link2SD" to circumvent the storage issues.

While still working reliably, it was becoming a shade long in the tooth and beginning to have trouble with some of the newer stuff.

So my checklist included thinness, expandable storage[1], more RAM, a decent amount of internal storage, newer OS versions available, as near "stock" Android as possible and enough grunt to handle everything I can throw at it. Price was also a major consideration. I don't do long contracts as I have no idea where I'll be in six months' time.

Huawei Ascend P6. Unbeatable for the money, fits nicely in the paw and built like a tank too.

[1] Dear Google. If you really must do away with SD card expansion, the minimum internal storage on such a device is 32Gb and ideally it needs 64. That writes off all your flagship devices at a stroke.

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You’re a LIAR and a CHEAT... la-la-la, I can't hear your lawyers

TeeCee
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Re: terrible

Also rhymes with lawsuit which is, I think, rather apt (or is that appt?).

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App-maker King hopes to CANDY-CRUSH $500m from IPO

TeeCee
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Re: Long Term

Why? Scraping crap off the pavement is free and as long as there are enough mugs prepared to pay for it....

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Steelie Neelie 'shocked' that EU tourists turn mobes off when abroad

TeeCee
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Re: Once again the EU makes a good call.

Swings and roundabouts.

The only reason we have International roaming charges within Europe is that Vodafone (for example) aren't allowed to offer home rates across Europe on their pan-European network, but must treat all networks equally for roaming purposes.

The reason? EU competition rules designed to prevent the multinationals shutting the local providers out of the lucrative "road warrior" / business market.

Anyhow, sod the roaming call charges, do something about roaming data which is where the serious naked theft takes place.

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TeeCee
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Re: Funny thing is

and the companies were ordered to invent some sort of middle zone - virtually extending the border so that even when a mobile logged on abroad, it was billed at local rates

They may well have been ordered to do it but I can confirm that, when this happens, it gets expensive.

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TeeCee
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Re: Funny thing is

I once got a 'Welcome to Iceland' message when I woke up one morning after an overnight English channel ferry crossing.

Usually when that happens it's because you're still on the ship and Iceland is outside the nearest porthole. You'll also be extremely hungover, stark bollock naked and supposed to be getting married that day.

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Troll-hunting cases SPIKED in 2012... but remain high

TeeCee
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Re: The trolls I hate the most

I'd swear at you, but I'm not qualified to use the Hippocratic oath.

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'I had a rare Twitter handle... I was extorted into giving it up'

TeeCee
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I think they should have kept quiet.

it wasn't any kind of update or software glitch in Lloyds' systems. An HP server had gone down in the UK:

So an even more basic fuckup then. A lack of redundancy / failover for critical systems.

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Behold the world's first full-colour 3D printer

TeeCee
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Mushroom

Re: Missing the point

anyone not wearing one when riding a bike is an absolute idiot of the highest degree.

Why? They're not doing you any harm, just running a very small risk to themselves.

You are a Safety Nazi and ICMFP.

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1.1 MILLION customers' credit card data was swiped in Neiman Marcus breach

TeeCee
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"POS payment technology"

And very aptly named it is too.

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Robots? What a bunch of workers...

TeeCee
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Want a real laugh, ship internationally.

Maybe someone could please explain why Japan Post, China Post and the legendarily godawful US postal service all seem to manage to get a package to continental Europe rather more reliably than the British postal service?

The odd thing here is that, while you can pretty much set your watch by the delivery times from everywhere else on the planet, anything coming from Britain will arrive sometime between next day and three weeks later. Package type, size and content do not appear relevant to this, so I'm guessing that dice rolls are involved somewhere along the line.

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Survey: Yoof too COOL for Ferraris, want state-sponsored hybrids

TeeCee
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Re: Didn't Some one say....

which isn't just putting USB into a car.

Dead right. The correct way to go is with Bluetooth which a) works for everything, b) has all the track selection / control stuff inherent in the standard, c) saves fannying around with wires and plugs and d) provides handsfree phone use as a side effect.

The only mystery is that if this works perfectly well using a cheap, WinCE based, Chinese touchscreen head unit (it does), why the hell do the car manufacturers have such a problem getting it right?

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Cybercrooks slide fingers into TELLIES+FRIDGES, spam splurge ensues

TeeCee
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Unhappy

Re: I can't wait

I think most cars in Belgium already have that update.

Maybe one day they'll add the bit that checks to see if there's something already in the lane to the right before doing it....

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Haribo gummy bears implicated in 'gastric exorcism'

TeeCee
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We're getting quite enough shit out of ours already, thanks.

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TeeCee
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Re: Maybe not trolls

Or even 4Kg of Chocolate Ex-lax disguised in a Dairy Milk wrapper.

Santa can be a right bastard at times....

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High Court derails Google defence in Safari browser stalker cookie brouhaha

TeeCee
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Meh

Oh really?

A case almost identical to this one was dismissed in its entirety three months ago in the US.

I wonder if that's because it's the same US whose risibly inadequate Data Protection legislation is frequent cause for mirth around these parts?

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Facebook lets Russian search czar Yandex suck on its public 'firehose'

TeeCee
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Mushroom

Firehose?

Will you please stop referring to the feed from Facebook, Twitter and such as a "firehose".

The correct term for a large pipe full of crap is "sewer".

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'You win, Kanye': Coinye creators throw in towel after rapper sues

TeeCee
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Meh

Nope. To make it as sarcasm it would have to stand at least a chance of being believable when delivered with a straight face.

That's just ordinary, run of the mill bullshit.

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TeeCee
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Thumb Up

Re: Gayfish

I'm guessing that barely suppressed giggling would be about right.

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Rap for KitKat in crap app wrap trap flap: Android 4.4 is 'meant to work like that'

TeeCee
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Well something just had to be broken...

....as in: "Have a break, have a KitKat."

Yes, advertising culture is that subliminally ingrained at Google......

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China's 'Airpocalypse' forces pilots to learn BLIND landings in smog

TeeCee
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Not just the landing.

A colleague told me this one from many years ago, when Milan was almost perpetually fogbound and blind landing was a very new-fangled thing. Fog at Milan usually meant a diversion and then a bus ride from hell back to Milan.

She was on a BA flight to Milan and a very smug pilot spoke on the cabin tannoy: "Ladies and Gentlemen. Those of you who fly this route regularly will be aware that Milan is often fogbound and today is no exception. However, this aircraft is equipped with the new automated landing system and Milan also now has the necessary equipment, so we will be landing on time. Thank you for flying BA."

The plane descended into the very thick murk, landed, rolled out and stopped. Out of the windows was visible only a uniform grey blankness. After a few minutes the, now somewhat less smug, pilot piped up; "Ladies and Gentlemen, Those of you who can see out of a window may have noticed that you cannot see anything at all. Well I am sorry to say that it's exactly the same up here and while I have my taxi instructions, I can't see the taxiways. Control are sending a follow me truck and I'll keep you posted."

Fifteen minutes later, the now rather harassed sounding pilot says; "I've been told that there is a follow me truck 50 metres ahead of the aircraft. I can't see it. The airport is working on a solution to the problem, but we may be here a while."

Four hours later, a truck with a searchlight on it turned up from the nearest military installation and they followed that in. This meant that the passengers were later than if they had diverted......

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El Reg Contraption Confessional No.1: The Dragon 32 micro

TeeCee
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Or you could just buy a very ordinary looking cassette player from Tandy, which sported line out in addition to the usual line in and headphone sockets.....

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BOFH: Resistance is futile - we're missing BEER O'CLOCK

TeeCee
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Facepalm

Music on hold.

#1) One of our offices decided that its selection of music on hold wasn't quite riveting enough to keep customers on the line. To solve the problem, they did a deal with the local radio station to pipe their output over our phone system. Now this sounds like a simple and convenient solution, but it does rather rely on your local radio station not subsequently signing a massive advertising deal with one of your major competitors, whose adverts are then played to your more cheesed-off[1] customers ad nauseum.

There was blood on the walls (and boxes of belongings in the street) when one of the board members called across and got put on hold about six months later.

#2 This one I have only heard and may be apocryphal.

SKY (yes, that one) had a call centre specifically for "difficult" calls, the idea being that when the customer threatens to cancel, this is where they get routed to in a last-ditch attempt to rescue the situation. Apparently one of the songs on the music-on-call loop at said call centre was the unexpurgated version of the then current hit; "Fuck it (I don't want you back)"......

[1] i.e. The ones waiting on hold.....

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BlackBerry flings John Chen $89 MILLION to save troubled firm

TeeCee
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Hmm.

Problem: You're losing money hand over fist and so seriously stuffed for cash that the vultures[1] are circling.

Solution: Splurge 14m paying off one boss and 89m hiring another one.

Is it just me, or is this as monumentally fucked up as it appears to be?

[1] No offence.

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Horny lovers FOSSILISED in steamy RUMPY-PUMPY session 156m yrs ago

TeeCee
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Lebanese Amber is the low-tar version of Lebanese Red.

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BOFH: GOATSE? No, I said goat fetis... you know what, forget it

TeeCee
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Re: Baaaaaaaaaaa!

Paaaaaaaaa!

(Gotta keep those equal opportunities bleaters happy.)

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KRAKOOM! iPad Air EXPLODES in FIREBALL, terrified fanbois FLEE Apple store

TeeCee
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Re: Maybe...

Great idea, apart from the moisture sensors.

Actually, there's a cunning sales idea in there. Just have it spot the launch of its successor and drench itself. Presto; one written off device that's invalidated its own warranty, obliging the punter to buy a new one.

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Twitter #blabbergasm explodes as shares soar close to $50 on NYSE

TeeCee
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Hmm.

earlier this week issued an explanation to would-be investors about what its service actually offers

Now you'd have thought that, in this context, an explanation of how its service makes bucketloads of cash[1] would be more appropriate. I wonder why they didn't do that......?

[1] i.e. some reason why its shares would be more likely to hold their value rather than tank when the music stops.

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Samsung touching up ROUNDED, CURVY plastic enhanced MODEL

TeeCee
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Once upon a time......

All smartphone displays were plastic. These used to scratch and require the use of screen protectors which also screwed up the display as a side effect. Any flexing of the phone chassis would cack the screen as it had little rigidity. They were, in a word, crap.

Then a miracle happened. Someone made displays out of hardened glass. No scratches, no stick on placcy layers, no ruined LCD bits.

Now, could someone please explain why the f**k we would even talk about going back to plastic displays?

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Brit boson boffin Higgs bags Nobel with eponymous deiton

TeeCee
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Publishing late.

If memory serves, I reckon the most famous example here is Sir Isaac Newton (yes, that one), who actually invented Calculus, although he called it "Fluxions".

Rather than publish he used his cunning mathematical toys to come up with loads of other stuff, intending to spill the beans later. Unfortunately, Leibnitz beat him to it......

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Cook invokes GHOST of STEVE JOBS in Apple-wide memo

TeeCee
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"...his spirit will forever be the foundation of Apple."

If Apple collapses, will they blame him for holding it wrong?

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GitHub wipes hand across bloodied face, stumbles from brutal DDoS beating

TeeCee
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Re: GitHub & businesses

Yup, there's an old saying about eggs and baskets (ok, basket, singular) that applies here.

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London schoolboy cuffed for BIGGEST DDOS ATTACK IN HISTORY

TeeCee
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I reckon it's the misguided Dutch connection at it again.

If you recall recently, some Dutch mob got shitlisted for peering a spam sewer. Unfortunately said sewer also happened to host servers for a well-known torrent site that's the darling of the dafter hacktivists and said Dutch mob promptly went apeshit in self-righteous indignation, carefully ignoring the hard evidence and going for the conspiracy.

Spamhaus are still getting the fallout from doing their job perfectly: Identifying crapholes and blacklisting them, regardless of whoever might be on their side, be it cybercrime lords or the well-meaning idiots of "teh internets police".

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Microsoft Surface sales numbers revealed as SHOCKINGLY HIDEOUS

TeeCee
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The surface pro is indeed a very useful bit of kit.

However, it's not a tablet. It's too bulky to be a real tablet, even with the keyboard removed. What it is is what these "ultrabook" things should have been. It's a far better small, light laptop than any of the small, light laptops out there.

Also, when considered as such, it's a sensible price too.

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TeeCee
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Facepalm

Re: Too bad

.... and offer an x86 translation layer.

Not an option. For that to be even countenanced, the target processor needs to be significantly faster than the original the code came from, so that it can run the emulator and the code as fast or faster than the code on the original.

x86 --> ARM is rather the reverse of that, so it would have run like a dog.......and a dog that's a quadruple amputee at that.

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Jurors start stretch in the cooler for Facebooking, Googling the accused

TeeCee
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Facepalm

...no one on the jury was at the scene of the crime...

No, of course not. Such a person would be called a witness and be testifying from the witness box.

Jurors sit in the jury box and they get to decide if the witness is telling porkies or not, in which task they may sometimes be assisted by direction from the judge (bloke with a wig with his own desk).

Seems that the rest of what you said is of a similar calibre. Are you a Sun journalist?

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Sony and Panasonic plan 300GB Blu-Ray replacement for 2015

TeeCee
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Re: Enough...

It's probably not how cheaply the WORM memory could be made, but how fast it could be written to.

You'd have to come up with something rather funky to beat the few seconds of time it takes to press a read-only CD, DVD or BD in mass production.

The plant, labourforce etc is a fixed cost. If a disc pops out of the machine every 5 seconds, then the cost is materials + 5 seconds of overhead. If your machine writes a 300Gb stick every 10 minutes.......(!)

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