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* Posts by TeeCee

7095 posts • joined 5 Oct 2007

Lindsay Lohan sues Grand Theft Auto V makers for 'using her image'

TeeCee
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"claims game has characters that are exactly like her"

Well they are all two-dimensional and have a shockingly small repertoire of predictable responses.......

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You 'posted' a 'letter' with Outlook... No, NO, that's the MONITOR

TeeCee
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Trollface

I thought the really clever bit was talking him through doing all the other stuff, including reentering the WiFi password, while it was switched off......

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Royal Navy parks 470 double-decker buses on Queen Elizabeth

TeeCee
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Re: You wait ages for a bus...

Ah. That would explain the F35 with a load of people sitting on the wings, turning left at the lights on the Balls Pond Road earlier....

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TeeCee
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Re: Bust-up

So a catapult should be able to throw a bus further.

Gosh. I do so hope that the Mythbusters are reading this.

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El Reg is looking for a new London sub-editor

TeeCee
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Re: Why does it *have* to be in London

Apple workers do listen to valve radios.

An Apple radio is a featureless block of highly polished aluminium, surmounted with several visible valves, carefully chosen for their aesthetic appearance.

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We need to talk about SPEAKERS: Sorry, 'audiophiles', only IT will break the sound barrier

TeeCee
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Er...what?

With the advent of the Compact Disc, the bottleneck became the loudspeaker.

Personally I reckon the source that really shines a glaring searchlight on inadequate speakers is analogue-mastered vinyl....

I have previously related around here the tale of a mate who spent a small fortune on new HiFi kit, only to have me cast aspersions on his right speaker. He had the speakers biwired and had left the links on the right-hand one. After fixing this small configuration problem everything sounded right, but he couldn't tell the difference!

The first thing you need in an audiophile setup is audiophile ears.......

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Remaining Snowden docs will be released to avert 'unspecified US war' – ‪Cryptome‬

TeeCee
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Re: Paul Crawford Cryptome

Trouble is that you can deluge the Great Unwashed with information. It won't stop half of them being convinced that the moon landings were faked, the pyramids were built by aliens and we were made by the Sky Fairy.

That statement sort of implies that Democracy requires an electorate capable of making decisions based on hard data in order to work. If so, it's fundamentally fucked and we should get rid of it now.

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New MH370 search zone picked using just seven satellite 'handshakes'

TeeCee
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Wingnut central.

Presumably the reason that the conspiracy theorists are so active on this one is that the chances of it actually being found are so bloody remote that they're unlikely to be proved to be talking bollocks, as usual, any time soon.

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'Our entire corporation cannot send or receive emails from Outlook'

TeeCee
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Key places.

key places like Brussels and Berlin and Brasilia.

You heard it here first folks. If your city doesn't start with "B" it's not important.

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Android SMS worm punts dodgy downloads... from your MATES

TeeCee
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So what's new?

AFAICS the only difference between this and time-honoured scams dating back to the stone age is that the dubious message from one of your contacts, replete with breathless exhortations to follow the link / open the attachment / send it to everyone you know, arrives by SMS rather than email.

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Patch looks like Microsoft FAIL, quacks like FAIL, is actually quite good

TeeCee
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Meh

Re: Vista?

I'm baffled MS even still cares about 7 ...

That's all right, it's nicely balanced by the fact that the rest of us are baffled as to why anyone at all gives a rat's arse about 8.....

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Microsoft tests HALF-INCH second screen to spur workplace play

TeeCee
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Re: Whatever next?

You have the answer!

This is a rather crappy workaround for the limitations of the !metro UI, isn't it?

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Yahoo! Bids! To! Own! Your! Smartmobe! Home! Screen!

TeeCee
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Facepalm

Because corporate strategy is usually insane and insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

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Who needs a ride-on mower when a ROBOT will cut your grass

TeeCee
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Happy

Re: Animals

doggies waste products

Never found a rotary that had a problem here. The only big issue is the neat brown stripe that such a device draws across your trouser legs when you hit one. This would seem to solve that problem by removing the need for you to stand behind it while it's mowing the turdslawn.

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If Google remembers whom it has forgotten, has it complied with the ECJ judgment?

TeeCee
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I don't know who's more out of their gourd here.

The EU for thinking they can control the internet, or Google for thinking this byzantine piss-take might comply with EU law....

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Daft business ideas.

TeeCee
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Daft business ideas.

The other day I was fighting a valiant action against the ants around my patio. They had numbers, I had chemical weapons[1]. While doing so, I briefly considered that maybe the ideal (and more ecologically sound) solution would be to hire an anteater for a few days.........yeah.........right........

So, anyone got anything to top rent-an-anteater(.com).....?

[1] We're the dominant species for a reason you six-legged bastards.

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The cute things they say

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Unexpected cost saving.

Many, many years ago I was involved in replacing the company's main PABX. One of the interesting "features" of the old setup was that the management floor in the adjacent building had its own (rather fancy) PABX piggybacked onto it. TPTB insisted on keeping this setup.

So, to connect PABX A to PABX B, holes in walls, bit of plastic drainpipe, pull cables. Simple.

While planning this, we stumbled upon an entirely unexpected and very large cost saving. The old piggyback arrangement had run on a load of wires going out of the building to a manhole outside and then back into the adjacent one.

Installed by BT.

Billed monthly as leased lines........(!)

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Google's too-smart-for-own-good Nest Protect alarm is back on sale

TeeCee
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Always wondered about this.

Nest Thermostat, an energy-saving appliance that learns your temperature preferences and which you can control with your smartphone.

Some years ago I moved house. After doing so, I programmed the new house's thermostat/programmer with how and when I wanted my heating. I haven't touched it since, bar to change the clock twice a year.

Even I'm not f***ing lazy enough to really want something connected so it can do that last bit for me.

As for smartphone control, if I'm in the house the programmer is probably as close on average as my phone is[1], should I feel like overriding the timer. If I'm not in the house I don't really give a toss how warm it isn't.

Of course there's the: "Ah yes. But if you find yourself returning home unexpectedly and don't want it freezing, it's great to be able to activate the heating remotely" argument. If the temperature drop between heating cycles is such a serious problem, spending the money on insulation rather than a fancy connected programmer will both solve it and save you a shedload of cash.

[1] Also I can be 100% sure of exactly where it is at all times, unlike the phone, tablet, TV remote etc.

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Tor is '90 per cent of the net' claims City of London Police Commish – and he's dead wrong

TeeCee
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Facepalm

I suppose it had to happen.

With the creeping politicisation of the plod, it was only a matter of time before their top brass started spouting opinionated bollocks on subjects they know sod-all about.

Just like real politicians do.

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Today's get-rich-quick scheme: Build your own bank

TeeCee
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Slight snag.

1) World + Dog goes: "That sounds safe, I'll put my money there."

2) The rest of the banking system has no money to lend out.

3) Economy collapses.

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US bloke raises $250k to build robo-masturbation device

TeeCee
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Re: Small, Medium, or Large?

IIRC, some years back a company made rubbers in three sizes. Rather unsurprisingly, sales of "Small" and "Medium" were rather slow.

The solution adopted was to rebrand as "Jumbo", "Colossal" and "Super-Colossal"......

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'THERE'S BEEN A MURRRDER!' Plod probe Street View 'slaying'

TeeCee
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Modern policing.

Says something that a nice photo of a crime gets the plod out of their comfy tea room like a shot, yet it doesn't occur to them that the prospect of someone having been beaten to death on the street in broad bloody daylight without them having heard a peep is in any way odd.

Maybe if they relied on cameras less and traditional policing methods more, they wouldn't expect things like this to be possibly genuine....

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TeeCee
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...and if you ask for an intemised receipt for your 700 quid garage bill, it'll look like this:

Wallop with pickaxe handle - 3.50

Use of knowledge of where to wallop it with pickaxe handle - 696.50

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Anatomy of OpenSSL's Heartbleed: Just four bytes trigger horror bug

TeeCee
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Re: A bug in a library is always worse, but...

Who in their right mind is still running web sites on Windows ?

No idea. But whoever they are, I'll bet they're laughing like a drain right now.

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Murdoch says Microsoft needs 'big clean out'

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Read all about it!

Elderly bloke tries to understand modern tech, uses buzzword on tw@ter in attempt to sound "with it".

Pictures at 11.

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How Brit computer maker beat IBM's S/360 - and Soviet spies

TeeCee
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Translation.

“IBM had a simple argument: ‘We are by far the biggest. It’s a safe decision to come to us’,”

I believe that this was more usually and succinctly expressed as; "Nobody ever got fired for buying IBM.".

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'Yahoo! Breaks! Every! Mailing! List! In! The! World!' says email guru

TeeCee
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Re: The Good thing about Yahoo

I'll read the email, go on to the next and somehow the previous email has disappeared entirely.

Bloody hell, I thought it was something I was doing wrong.

The secret is to look up the help on rules to file mail where it says something like; "Sod off. Lump it all together and use the search function, organising stuff is so last century.". Use the search to find the "missing" mail. It will find it and the mail will then automagically reappear where you expected it to be in the first place as a side effect.

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Twitter rejigs layout, opens wide to swallow SLURRY OF ADS

TeeCee
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Alert

"...web interface when using the site online..."

Aha! Facebook disease 2.0.

"We're worth billions because our huge user base gets ads fired at them on our website."

"Er, most of your user base use your services via a mobile app and don't see them."

"Ah. Right. Sorry. Ahem: We're worth fuck-all because....."

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Video games make you NASTY AND VIOLENT

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Other news today.

Video games turn psychologists into vindictive bastards who keep carping on about the same old bullshit for decades, despite there continuing to be no evidence to support their theories.

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Apple to protect your gently roasting rear with 'iTanning' system

TeeCee
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Really?

A UV sensor would be very useful to the people of Essex as they embark on the quest for the perfect deep orange tan

One question: Exactly how does a UV sensor discern the colour that a tin of spray on tan will dry to?

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Report mash-up: Apple to sell 65 million $269 iWatches in first year

TeeCee
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Happy

Not for me.

Now. If they made a Babbage engined one out of foamed ceramic/brass composite, driving a display of subminiature Nixie tubes powered by a nanoscale generator and all driven by clockwork[1], that would be very clever and I'd be interested.

Put a death ray function on the "nice to have" list too.

[1] Ideally with an attractively engraved winding handle sporting a mahogany grip. This could be a bit of a problem, given the need for it to be micro-usb compatible in order to comply with regulatory requirements for chargers these days.

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Siri set to rival Windows beauty Cortana after Apple eats Novauris

TeeCee
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Re: Speech recognition vs providing information

I hear what you say, but when you want to do something simple handsfree, like "Call Joe Bloggs on mobile", while abroad on umpty-something quid a kilobyte data roaming charges[1], a local recog system is a "must have" unless you have very deep pockets.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. By far and away the best voice dial and other simple stuff system I have ever used was MS Voice Commander on the old WinMo platform[2]. Now, given that that was around the thick end of a decade ago and ran on hardware that took significant time to get around to twiddling its own thumbs, we're way past due for someone to do better by now.

[1] Not to mention the interminable wait for it to do its stuff over a shonky 2G connection.

[2] This even used to cope well with my mangling of non-English names, something that nothing I've tried since can handle with any degree of accuracy. Rather amusingly, it was better at getting it right than most of those systems where you had to laboriously pre-record voice tags for every contact.

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Torvalds rails at Linux developer: 'I'm f*cking tired of your code'

TeeCee
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Flame

Hear hear!

Torvalds is notoriously reluctant to make changes to the Linux kernel to address bugs found in other software

Too bloody right! I hate to think what's going to happen when Linus calls it a day and Linux goes to over to more conventional governance. I really resent having to code around a load of shit provided by A. N. Other piece of software purely because nobody's got the balls to put their foot down and tell ${CEO's_fave_project_this_week} that they need to put their underpants back inside their trousers and fix some bugs before the next round of bells and whistles gets piled onto it.

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Forget superstars, this HYPERGIANT star is 1,300 times the size of OUR SUN

TeeCee
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Re: Black hole in the making?

Never mind the Black Hole, oodles of those around.

1300 solar masses is getting into Hypernova territory and when it eventually collapses, we could see a decent sized Gamma Ray Burst from it.

That could present something of a problem.

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BuzzGasm: 9 Incredible Things You Never Knew About PLIERS!

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Mushroom

Don't stir it. That argument got quite heated last time around.

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It's a BLOCKBUSTER: Minecraft heads to the silver screen

TeeCee
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Re: Can't be worse than the Battleship movie

The problem with saying that nothing could be worse than "Battleship" is that it overlooks the possibility that someone might be insane enough to allow M Night Shyamalan (with all his cod-psych knobs turned up to 11) to direct Will Smith, cast against type, in a masterpiece of bullshit, plot holes and contradictions of the egotistical superstar's own devising.

Proof that there really are things you just couldn't make up.......not that you'd want to......

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Yes! New company smartphones! ... But I don't WANT one

TeeCee
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Just replaced mine.

My previous phone was a Sony Ericsson Xperia Arc S. Right size, ludicrously thin, and using "Link2SD" to circumvent the storage issues.

While still working reliably, it was becoming a shade long in the tooth and beginning to have trouble with some of the newer stuff.

So my checklist included thinness, expandable storage[1], more RAM, a decent amount of internal storage, newer OS versions available, as near "stock" Android as possible and enough grunt to handle everything I can throw at it. Price was also a major consideration. I don't do long contracts as I have no idea where I'll be in six months' time.

Huawei Ascend P6. Unbeatable for the money, fits nicely in the paw and built like a tank too.

[1] Dear Google. If you really must do away with SD card expansion, the minimum internal storage on such a device is 32Gb and ideally it needs 64. That writes off all your flagship devices at a stroke.

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You’re a LIAR and a CHEAT... la-la-la, I can't hear your lawyers

TeeCee
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Re: terrible

Also rhymes with lawsuit which is, I think, rather apt (or is that appt?).

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App-maker King hopes to CANDY-CRUSH $500m from IPO

TeeCee
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Re: Long Term

Why? Scraping crap off the pavement is free and as long as there are enough mugs prepared to pay for it....

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Steelie Neelie 'shocked' that EU tourists turn mobes off when abroad

TeeCee
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Re: Once again the EU makes a good call.

Swings and roundabouts.

The only reason we have International roaming charges within Europe is that Vodafone (for example) aren't allowed to offer home rates across Europe on their pan-European network, but must treat all networks equally for roaming purposes.

The reason? EU competition rules designed to prevent the multinationals shutting the local providers out of the lucrative "road warrior" / business market.

Anyhow, sod the roaming call charges, do something about roaming data which is where the serious naked theft takes place.

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TeeCee
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Re: Funny thing is

and the companies were ordered to invent some sort of middle zone - virtually extending the border so that even when a mobile logged on abroad, it was billed at local rates

They may well have been ordered to do it but I can confirm that, when this happens, it gets expensive.

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TeeCee
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Re: Funny thing is

I once got a 'Welcome to Iceland' message when I woke up one morning after an overnight English channel ferry crossing.

Usually when that happens it's because you're still on the ship and Iceland is outside the nearest porthole. You'll also be extremely hungover, stark bollock naked and supposed to be getting married that day.

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Troll-hunting cases SPIKED in 2012... but remain high

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Re: The trolls I hate the most

I'd swear at you, but I'm not qualified to use the Hippocratic oath.

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'I had a rare Twitter handle... I was extorted into giving it up'

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I think they should have kept quiet.

it wasn't any kind of update or software glitch in Lloyds' systems. An HP server had gone down in the UK:

So an even more basic fuckup then. A lack of redundancy / failover for critical systems.

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Behold the world's first full-colour 3D printer

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Mushroom

Re: Missing the point

anyone not wearing one when riding a bike is an absolute idiot of the highest degree.

Why? They're not doing you any harm, just running a very small risk to themselves.

You are a Safety Nazi and ICMFP.

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1.1 MILLION customers' credit card data was swiped in Neiman Marcus breach

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"POS payment technology"

And very aptly named it is too.

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Robots? What a bunch of workers...

TeeCee
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Want a real laugh, ship internationally.

Maybe someone could please explain why Japan Post, China Post and the legendarily godawful US postal service all seem to manage to get a package to continental Europe rather more reliably than the British postal service?

The odd thing here is that, while you can pretty much set your watch by the delivery times from everywhere else on the planet, anything coming from Britain will arrive sometime between next day and three weeks later. Package type, size and content do not appear relevant to this, so I'm guessing that dice rolls are involved somewhere along the line.

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Survey: Yoof too COOL for Ferraris, want state-sponsored hybrids

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Re: Didn't Some one say....

which isn't just putting USB into a car.

Dead right. The correct way to go is with Bluetooth which a) works for everything, b) has all the track selection / control stuff inherent in the standard, c) saves fannying around with wires and plugs and d) provides handsfree phone use as a side effect.

The only mystery is that if this works perfectly well using a cheap, WinCE based, Chinese touchscreen head unit (it does), why the hell do the car manufacturers have such a problem getting it right?

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Cybercrooks slide fingers into TELLIES+FRIDGES, spam splurge ensues

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Unhappy

Re: I can't wait

I think most cars in Belgium already have that update.

Maybe one day they'll add the bit that checks to see if there's something already in the lane to the right before doing it....

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Haribo gummy bears implicated in 'gastric exorcism'

TeeCee
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We're getting quite enough shit out of ours already, thanks.

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