* Posts by TeeCee

7148 posts • joined 5 Oct 2007

HORRIFIED Amazon retailers fear GOING BUST after 1p pricing cockup

TeeCee
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Re: Shurely

Any guarantees are worthless as you cannot guarantee against bugs.

There are two sorts of software authors.

1) Those who know there are bugs in there somewhere, admit to it and take action to protect themselves from litigation resulting.

2) Fucking idiots living in dreamland.

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Bong Ventures LLC: We've been cyberhacked

TeeCee
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Black Helicopters

Approximately 950 terabytes of adult anime

Obviously a rogue government sponsored hack, the aim of which is to cripple the Internet by having one monumental Torrent cloud chew all the available bandwidth.

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Govt spaffs £170k to develop the INTERNET OF SHEEP

TeeCee
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Re: WTF

So for £170k you reckon this could be sheep at twice the price?

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Assange's WikiLeaks: Give generously this Xmas – for STATUE of our DEAR LEADER

TeeCee
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No, no, no. That way you'd end up with a bronze Assange(tm) mould.

The correct way is to immerse Assange(tm) head down in a big vat of plaster and wait for it to set. Then, after a few weeks, bake the whole arrangement at high temperature to burn out the putrefying remains and then pour in molten bronze. Finally, break the plaster off.

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What a pity: Rollout of hated UK smart meters delayed again

TeeCee
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Re: @ Esme Pointless and dangerous fads

a directive gives choice of how to implement.

Correct, so the way to go is with what much of the continent is doing.

Advertise the things and get your power companies to badger their customers about having one installed. Eventually 2020 will come round and there'll still be nigh-on bugger all of the things out there. At that point two things can happen.

The most likely outcome is that by 2020 the goalposts will have moved and nobody at the EU will give a shit anyway. Result!

The second possibility is that the target remains in place. At this point you turn round, detail the actions taken and point out it's not your fault if nobody wanted one. The EU then backs down rather than instruct the country concerned to override the wishes of its people, as this damages the fig-leaf of democracy that serves to disguise the Stalinist oligarchy of the EU.

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Orion 'Mars' ship: Cosmic ray guard? Go. Parachutes? Go. Spacerock shield? Go!

TeeCee
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Re: Disappointed!

Well as it's supposed to be a Virgin spaceship then presumably every time it gets fucked they have to start again with a new one.....

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Give nerds their own PRIVATE TRAIN CARRIAGES, say boffins

TeeCee
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Nerd carriage?

Surely to be an actual Nerd Carriage, in order to be able to get a ticket you should need to do at least four of:

1) Write a quick "Hello World" in at least three languages, at least one of which should be generally regarded as "niche" and/or obscure.

2) Name at least three characters from Escaflowne.

3) Deliver a plot synopsis of Star Wars in under 2 minutes (not by leaving stuff out, just by talking very quickly).

4) Explain the difference between "dwarfs" and "dwarves".

5) Present your smartphone with NFC capability and refuse to pay with it on security grounds.

6) Name every Marvel film considered canon in reverse order of release date.

etc.

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Go festive this year with Christmas carols, baby Jesus and CLITORAL STIMULATORS

TeeCee
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Re: A bit rich...

I found that the snag with a Teasmade is that part of the process involves having a small jug of milk sitting next to it.

Milk has a nasty habit of objecting to being kept at room temperature for seven or so hours....

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'America radicalised me!' cries Megaupload founder Kim Dotcom

TeeCee
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Meh

Re: Frau DotCom

Is that "split up" as in split up, or "split up" as in "we are no longer legally attached so you can't seize any assets there"?

That much legal outlay buys all sorts of advice on loopholes.....

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Hi-torque tank engines: EXTREME car hacking with The Register

TeeCee
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Re: The Griffon engine

Real horror story in that vein is the WW1 Morane "Parasol".

Rotary engine for maximum torque effect, coupled with barely adequate aileron area. The net effect was that if the pilot didn't have full left stick on as soon as the tail wheel left the floor, the right wing would bury itself in the turf, flipping the aircraft and usually killing the crew.

With full left stick, the right wing would only dip alarmingly and then return to level veeerrrryyyyy gradually......!

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Suffering satellites! Goonhilly's ARTHUR REBORN for SPAAAACE

TeeCee
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" including the part that houses its (BTs) subsea cable station."

I don't suppose the lads down there could "accidently" cut through it occasionally?

You never know, the bastards might start to understand what a PITA that is.

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Two driverless cars stuffed with passengers are ABOUT TO CRASH - who should take the hit?

TeeCee
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Only a problem until AIs are developed.

Once we have AI control, the AIs concerned will decide: "It doesn't matter what we do, we'll be sued to next Christmas one way or the other" and both drive off the cliff together.

What we need to do is address the root cause of the problem. This will be a most satisfying solution as it basically involves shooting lawyers.....

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TeeCee
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Happy

Re: When I drive on twisty mountain roads

You're far better off in a tank.

That way, in the case of an inevitable head-on collision on a single track mountain road, you can take preemptive action to ensure that your paint doesn't get scratched.

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NOKIA - Not FINNished yet! BEHOLD the somewhat DULL MYSTERY DEVICE!

TeeCee
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"Nokia said China would receive it first"

Next week: Nokia announce new fuels division, first shipments of coal to Newcastle expected in new year.

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Ofcom tackles complaint over Premier League footie TV rights

TeeCee
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Facepalm

Really?

You mean that people in the UK are more interested in UK football then those in other countries and are thus prepared to pay more for it and that this, in turn, leads to domestic broadcasters being prepared to bid higher for the rights than their continental counterparts?

Who could possibly have seen that coming?

Presumably the next revelation will be that the rights to Serie A sell for more in Italy than they do here.

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Heyyy! NICE e-bracelet you've got there ... SHAME if someone were to SUBPOENA it

TeeCee
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Happy

Hmm, I see an angle.....

The plaintiff will go through an "assessment" period wearing a Fitbit and running the numbers through Vivametrica to see how she compares to other women.

So a few weeks slobbing it on the sofa = bigger payoff. Where do I sign up?

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'Scope boffins get INSIDE URANUS after snapping mystery spots

TeeCee
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Yup, there's always going to be a severe reaction when something smashes into Uranus.

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Who will be Europe's privacy champion? Oh, go on then, Mr Deputy

TeeCee
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Devil

"EU officials say the hold up was with the entire shortlist."

I'm guessing that nobody on there was related to, screwing or employed as gardener / decorator / dentist by a European Commissioner. Thus they didn't have a Scooby who to vote for.

Hmm. If we had a "hotbed of nepotism and graft" icon, what would it look like?

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Google+ goes TITSUP. But WHO knew? How long? Anyone ... Hello ...

TeeCee
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Facepalm

Re: Titsup

Put it this way. If it were "Lying on its back with its legs in the air", a well-known way of saying "Dead", "Knackered", "Utterly cattle-trucked", etc, which way would its tits be facing?

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One million people have bonked on London public transport

TeeCee
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Devil

Re: Card clash detection

Not registered? Well, then you cant apply for a refund anyway.

Aaaannnnnndddd there it is.

Somewhere in this lot there had to be a trick to force you to register your details, so the evil fuckers can flog all that juicy data off to the marketing vultures[1].

[1] No offence.

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What's a Chromebook good for? How about running PHOTOSHOP?

TeeCee
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Meh

Hmm.

Adobe's flagship software running on bargain kit

IIRC, the price of the kit required to run it has never been the showstopper cost issue with Photoshop.

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Consumers agree to give up first-born child for free Wi-Fi – survey

TeeCee
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Facepalm

Ts & Cs.

Hardly surprising. All the hotspot Ts & Cs I've ever seen were presented as a page of small print obviously composed for a full desktop browser and utterly bleedin' illegible on any screen size below 19".

I don't read the sodding things either.....

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EU to accuse Ireland of giving Apple an overly peachy tax deal – report

TeeCee
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Squeeze 'em 'til the pips squeak...

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'Google is NOT the gatekeeper to the web, as some claim'

TeeCee
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Facepalm

"This is a false flag by /whichever agency/, probably NSA or something."

Paranoia much?

Meanwhile, in the real world, the likes of the NSA have real work to do, which doesn't include mounting elaborate operations to discredit those whose threat level is somewhere around fuck all on their scale.

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What the 4K: High-def DisplayPort vid meets reversible USB Type C

TeeCee
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Meh

Re: Nirvana

Hint: If using proper cables, the side with the USB logo on it goes upwards. This even works in the dark by touch.

IMHO, SATA leads are the worst ruddy things to try to fit blind. Handed, sides indistinguishable and damned tricky to get in if access is poor when the right way round.

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'Kim Kardashian snaps naked selfies with a BLACKBERRY'. *Twitterati gasps*

TeeCee
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Meh

Re: ok, but seriously...

By sheer coincidence today's press have "Rihanna's naughty photos hacked" articles all over the place.

Presumably her PR company are livid over the lost revenue........

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TeeCee
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Alert

Someone call the ASA!

It seems that in their frantic desperation to drum up the odd sale or two, !=RIMs advertising hasn't so much crossed the line as flown over it and nuked it in passing.

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Dotcom owns up: my name was 'poison'

TeeCee
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"my name was 'poison'"

Ah! Now I understand why he changed it......

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Getting to the BOTTOM of the great office seating debate

TeeCee
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"...mainly covered in soft furnishings this year."

Oooooh, now where have I seen partitions completely covered in cloth before?

Ah yes, the old shabby ones left over from the eighties.

I wonder how much their designers get paid for looking at the old crap in other people's skips for ideas....?

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JINGS! Microsoft Bing called Scots indyref RIGHT!

TeeCee
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Meh

Or put another way.

When asked about the outcome a few days ago, Bing coughed up the latest poll results.

Like everyone else.

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Stray positrons caught on ISS hint at DARK MATTER source

TeeCee
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Joke

"Stray positrons"

Just £2.99 a month will let you adopt a positron.

You'll get a picture of your positron, a monthly newsletter telling you all about the work of the Positron Sanctuary* and, as a special offer this week only, a cuddly positron hand-crafted from dark matter plush.

*The positron sanctuary is a registered charity in England and Wales.

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One sixth of the ENTIRE PLANET will buy a new smartphone this year

TeeCee
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How do you feel?

One in six human beings are set to buy a new smartphone this year....

Bloody sheep. Boy do I feel smug that I bucked the trend and bought one last year!

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Got your NUDE SELFIES in the cloud? Two-factor auth's your best bet for securing them

TeeCee
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Alert

Here's the problem.

In order to keep your naughty pics safe, the lads responsible for maintaining whichever service you've put 'em on need to get it right 100% of the time. That's every update checked up down back and sideways. Every third-party software change audited and tested to hell and back. Every call-centre grunt able to spot the difference between a customer with lost access credentials and someone pretending to be such with 100% accuracy. Etc ad nauseum.

The miscreants only have to get it right once......

I'm afraid that Ricky Gervais was absolutely right. Trouble is that with cloud processing and storage being such huge business right now and soooo convenient, nobody wants to hear it and its preferable to shoot the messenger rather than run the gravy train into the buffers.

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TeeCee
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Gimp

Re: NUDE SELFIES + 2FA

An ideal approach for masochists.

When some scrote cracks your security, you get a cast iron excuse to saw your nipples off and staple on new ones!

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TeeCee
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Meh

Re: Pet password hates

The KeePass data file is synchronised to my mobile via DropBox

So, to summarise:

Keeping your nude selfies in the cloud = Bad.

Keeping all your passwords in the cloud = Good.

Really?

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First Irish boy band U2. Now Apple pushes ANOTHER thing into iPhones, iPods, iPads

TeeCee
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Re: Doesn't matter if the features have been available for years...

Those ;poor sods who waved thier wallets at the barriers yesterday -- and got thier credit cards charged for the priviledge as well as the Oyster card?

Now you'd have thought that in the design of NFC, the ability to pick which thing you wanted to talk to out of the etheric chatter and set up a link with that and that alone would be a "must have".

Just goes to show what a right heap of shit that standard is.

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TeeCee
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WTF?

Well that's Samsung for you. Slavishly copying Apple's future innovations again....

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Mexicans! accuse! Yahoo! of! using! corrupt! judge! to! dodge! $2.7bn! payout!

TeeCee
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Black Helicopters

Such a lack of shock that one can't help wondering if two Mexican companies bribing a Mexican Judge in Mexico to get the original 2.7bn is more likely than their version of events.......

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Google purchases petite pollster Polar, purloined ppl punted Plus-wards

TeeCee
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WTF?

Re: Social online polling? what could possibly go wrong?

Next week: How to prove the existence of the Bavarian Illuminati by studying soft cheeses.

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Cops apologise for leaving EXPLOSIVES in suitcase at airport

TeeCee
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formal Professional Standards Investigation

I guess that this is Oz wankword-spik for "monumental bollocking".

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Rosetta's comet 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko is one FUGLY space rock

TeeCee
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Re: It looks like the light-cycle from Tron

I think that picture 3 looks like the Starship Enterprise after a particularly severe kicking from the Klingons.

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AMD's first 64-bit ARM cores star in ... Heatless in Seattle*

TeeCee
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Re: Why compare it to a Xeon?

Imagine what we'd see if Intel got off their x86 hobby horse and used that same ability to build some ARM parts.

That would require a massive volte face and would contain an implicit admission that the decision to flog off Xscale was indeed the massive cockup it appears to be to everyone else.

Presumably the shareholders would then ask some difficult questions about the cost of reinventing that particular wheel and expect anyone still around who was involved in that decision to fall on their swords.

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Stephen Hawking biopic: Big on romance, not so much with the science?

TeeCee
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Dumbing down the Physics.

Is that dumbing down by our standards or his?

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China cracks down on instant messengers: Users must hand over REAL NAMES

TeeCee
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Re: Real user names??

Yeah, not like They don't know exactly who you are[1] anyway..

[1] and where you live, what you look at online, your router's SSID and MAC address, what you bought recently, your inside leg measurement.....etc ad nauseum.

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Dell The Man shrieks: 'We've got a Bitcoin order, we've got a Bitcoin order'

TeeCee
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Trollface

Coincidence?

Last week: Article about some bunch making off with an estimated 85k in Bitcoins.

This week: Article about someone buying 50k's worth of Dell kit for Bitcoins.

Next week: Glut of shiny, new Dell kit on Fleabay???

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Network hijacker steals $83,000 in Bitcoin ... and enough Dogecoin for a cup of coffee

TeeCee
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I guess that medieval Venice just hasn't got the wealth and clout it used to have.....

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'Be super careful with AI. It's potentially more dangerous than NUKES'

TeeCee
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Alert

Hmm.

Musk reckons that AI is up there with nuclear war in terms of apocalyptic potential and he’s sinking his money into it....

I don't suppose by any chance that he's also bought an island with an extinct volcano on it recently and started some major construction work there?

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Top Ten 802.11ac routers: Time for a Wi-Fi makeover?

TeeCee
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Facepalm

And the point is......?

For applications up to ten metres with LOS to the router, I find a piece of wire does the job just fine.

It's the "two floors up and half a house away" jobs that are the realm of WiFi, which is where anything operating in 5Ghz stops being a router and magically turns into a chocolate teapot.

As far as I can see, the only way these make sense is if you live in an overpriced bedsit[1] near Silicon Roundabout.....in which case you'll be buying the Apple one.

[1] i.e. you have more money than sense and everywhere is within 10 metres of everywhere else.

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Researcher snaps a Zeus hacker's photo through his webcam

TeeCee
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Happy

Shame he didn't have two webcams.

A great use for SCORPION STARE.......

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Hacker crew nicks '1.2 billion passwords' – but WHERE did they all come from?

TeeCee
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Re: Can someone please explain

Easy and also why passwords are still stored in clear.

1) Thing gets built yonks ago.

2) Time moves on, front end (customer facing bit) gets updated with more gloss.

3) SQL injection vuln / lack of hashed passwords / etc gets spotted by techy types who raise issue.

4) Project types ask which business unit is sponsoring / paying for costly changes to fix.

5) Nobody on the business side will pay for changes as it's not their problem / has no business benefit and the changes get descoped from this update.

Repeat 3 through 5 ad infinitum.

A known side effect of the "start with the business case" approach to software development is that technical and security fixes never get done, as the only people that give a shit about this sort of thing have no budget to make the changes.

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