* Posts by TeeCee

7165 posts • joined 5 Oct 2007

Who uses the Universal Credit system? ALMOST NOBODY, says report

TeeCee
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120 years.

Or "240 people will do it in six months if you give us a fuckton of extra cash" as whichever mob is building this will undoubtably point out.

There must be a reason why that never actually works......

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Live a day in the life of Jennifer Lawrence: Tell Reddit to delete your stolen nude selfies

TeeCee
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Re: Does her dress have breast pockets?

Well, I suppose she's got to keep 'em in something.....

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Gemalto: NSA, GCHQ hacked us – but didn't snatch crucial SIM keys

TeeCee
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On the other hand......

The attacks therefore "could not have resulted in a massive theft of SIM encryption keys."

So they found the deliberate traces left by the decoy operation then?

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C’mon Lenovo. Superfish hooked, but Pokki Start Menu still roaming free

TeeCee
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Re: Why are you even diagnosing this lappy?

Yup, that was my immediate reaction.

I always wipe and do a clean install for home machines. Not doing it as a matter of course for anything to be connected to a corporate network......well......words fail me.

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Seven months of Basil Brush on YouTube: Er, boom boom?

TeeCee
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Re: Not so bad

Sue.

And with all these trademarked names being bandied around here, somebody probably will.

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Mégane Renaultsport 275 Trophy: Hands-on gizmo-packed motoring

TeeCee
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Oh dear

Renault + Loads of complicated and expensive electrical gizmos = Disaster looking for a place to happen. Not the sort of thing you'd want to go near once the warranty has expired.

Even today on the generic auto forums you'll find that about one post in four is along the lines of "electrical fault in ${French_car}".

Since the EU forced the move from pump timing to electronic injection, even the diesels aren't the reliable workhorses they used to be. Kiss of death was making electrical cruft like airbags, motorised seats and electronic stability control an MOT failure.

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Did NSA, GCHQ steal the secret key in YOUR phone SIM? It's LIKELY

TeeCee
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Colour me surprised!

It is sort of their job, after all.....

If they really have managed to nab the things without anyone noticing[1], that's a bloody good day's work in that business.

If you don't like the idea of being spied on, probably best not to have a shedload of spies on the public payroll[2]. As for the "Aha, but they broke the rules" complaint, breaking rules is also an important part of the job, so don't act all surprised when you find that some of the ones they broke weren't the ones you wanted them to.

[1] Also in the job description.

[2] Also, now it's open knowledge that this can be and has been done, anyone thinking that only the US and UK have this information should probably have their bumps felt.

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Inside GOV.UK: 'CHAOS' and 'NIGHTMARE' as trendy Cabinet Office wrecked govt websites

TeeCee
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My, what a surprise!

Not just government, happens everywhere.

If you let individual units build web bits for themselves, you end up with a lot of cheapish, simple, yet highly functional pages[1] that are tailored to individual requirements. Trouble is they don't match and integrate seamlessly, which the web guru and PR types really hate.

If you put all your web shit under one unit you end up with something that has consistant look 'n feel, navigation and such throughout, is very pretty to look at, but costs a bomb and is utterly f***ing useless.

The government does seem to have wasted more cash doing the latter than most do though.

[1] In all the documents used in the second strategy, these are now called "portals".

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DARPA's 'Cortical Modem' will plug straight into your BRAIN

TeeCee
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Meh

Funny. I'd have thought they'd have done my bloody flying car before getting around to this sort of thing.

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BLOOD STAR of the NEANDERTHALS passed close to our Sun

TeeCee
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I guess that 'Many >= 70' is the answer here.

I'm hoping it's more '>' than '='.........

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Bluetooth-enabled miracle washing orbs? Are you kidding?

TeeCee
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Re: Crystals

Is the Krackpot Weirdo a recognised SI unit?

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Breaking news: BBC FINALLY spots millions of mugshots on cop database

TeeCee
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Ever seen a test of eyewitness identification? (Fake crime, take statements from unsuspecting witnesses, use those who reckon they got a good look for lineup / mugshot ID).

Makes automated facial recognition look ruddy infallible by comparison. If you really must have a fucked up method of identifying people, the one that's not admissible as evidence strikes me as preferable.

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Can't afford a BMW or Roller? Just HACK its doors open!

TeeCee
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Re: Mini, a luxury car?

As you might have guessed I do not like the new "Mini"

Hear hear!

For a start it's not a Mini. It's a fairly ordinary small/medium car that happens to be vaguely Mini shaped[1]. If you want to have a look at what Alex Issigonis would have probably built as a replacement, have a look at a Daithatsu Cuore VII. It's like a roadgoing TARDIS for use of space.

Also, if you look at what Daihatsu did to that later to make the Trevis (Europe only, not UK) you'll see that they were perfectly well aware of what they were doing.

[1] Apart from most of the sinfully fugly niche models developed from it, which have even given that up.

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TeeCee
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Meh

Re: Upgrading to use https?

Kind of surprised that BMW got caught by this though as they're usually much better.

They'll be very pleased to hear that their bullshittingadvertising is still having the desired effect.

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'LOOK into my EYES: You are feeling very worried about the climate ... SO worried'

TeeCee
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Re: @skelband

Rather amusingly, the one set of taxes that are pretty much designed for the rich to avoid are the cuddly climate ones. It's the rich who can afford that new hybrid or electric vehicle (or both for that matter), it's the rich who can afford to cover their mansions with solar panels to the extent that the rest of us pay for their power use, etc ad nauseum.

You have to suspect that it's the usual suspects behind all this crap and it's the eco-Nazis dancing to their tune rather than the sceptics.

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Wheeee! BT preps for FIVE HUNDRED MEGABIT broadband trial

TeeCee
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Great!

Now all we need is a service capable of sustaining 500 megabits to the entire BT client base to download from.....

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Lizard Squad gang moves from PlayStation, Xbox Live attacks to Tor

TeeCee
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Aha!

claimed it was testing out an alleged zero-day vulnerability in the Tor service

So it's all a cunning plan then:

1) Run a load of DDOS scripts to screw over a couple of high-profile services.

2) Wait until tabloid press / TV screams about "hackers".

3) Talk cryptic bollocks about scary vulns wot only you know about.

Presto, script kiddy to l33t hax0r in three simple steps. It's what every sad little wanker wants for Christmas.

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HORRIFIED Amazon retailers fear GOING BUST after 1p pricing cockup

TeeCee
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Re: Shurely

Any guarantees are worthless as you cannot guarantee against bugs.

There are two sorts of software authors.

1) Those who know there are bugs in there somewhere, admit to it and take action to protect themselves from litigation resulting.

2) Fucking idiots living in dreamland.

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Bong Ventures LLC: We've been cyberhacked

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Approximately 950 terabytes of adult anime

Obviously a rogue government sponsored hack, the aim of which is to cripple the Internet by having one monumental Torrent cloud chew all the available bandwidth.

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Govt spaffs £170k to develop the INTERNET OF SHEEP

TeeCee
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Re: WTF

So for £170k you reckon this could be sheep at twice the price?

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Assange's WikiLeaks: Give generously this Xmas – for STATUE of our DEAR LEADER

TeeCee
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No, no, no. That way you'd end up with a bronze Assange(tm) mould.

The correct way is to immerse Assange(tm) head down in a big vat of plaster and wait for it to set. Then, after a few weeks, bake the whole arrangement at high temperature to burn out the putrefying remains and then pour in molten bronze. Finally, break the plaster off.

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What a pity: Rollout of hated UK smart meters delayed again

TeeCee
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Re: @ Esme Pointless and dangerous fads

a directive gives choice of how to implement.

Correct, so the way to go is with what much of the continent is doing.

Advertise the things and get your power companies to badger their customers about having one installed. Eventually 2020 will come round and there'll still be nigh-on bugger all of the things out there. At that point two things can happen.

The most likely outcome is that by 2020 the goalposts will have moved and nobody at the EU will give a shit anyway. Result!

The second possibility is that the target remains in place. At this point you turn round, detail the actions taken and point out it's not your fault if nobody wanted one. The EU then backs down rather than instruct the country concerned to override the wishes of its people, as this damages the fig-leaf of democracy that serves to disguise the Stalinist oligarchy of the EU.

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Orion 'Mars' ship: Cosmic ray guard? Go. Parachutes? Go. Spacerock shield? Go!

TeeCee
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Re: Disappointed!

Well as it's supposed to be a Virgin spaceship then presumably every time it gets fucked they have to start again with a new one.....

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Give nerds their own PRIVATE TRAIN CARRIAGES, say boffins

TeeCee
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Nerd carriage?

Surely to be an actual Nerd Carriage, in order to be able to get a ticket you should need to do at least four of:

1) Write a quick "Hello World" in at least three languages, at least one of which should be generally regarded as "niche" and/or obscure.

2) Name at least three characters from Escaflowne.

3) Deliver a plot synopsis of Star Wars in under 2 minutes (not by leaving stuff out, just by talking very quickly).

4) Explain the difference between "dwarfs" and "dwarves".

5) Present your smartphone with NFC capability and refuse to pay with it on security grounds.

6) Name every Marvel film considered canon in reverse order of release date.

etc.

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Go festive this year with Christmas carols, baby Jesus and CLITORAL STIMULATORS

TeeCee
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Re: A bit rich...

I found that the snag with a Teasmade is that part of the process involves having a small jug of milk sitting next to it.

Milk has a nasty habit of objecting to being kept at room temperature for seven or so hours....

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'America radicalised me!' cries Megaupload founder Kim Dotcom

TeeCee
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Re: Frau DotCom

Is that "split up" as in split up, or "split up" as in "we are no longer legally attached so you can't seize any assets there"?

That much legal outlay buys all sorts of advice on loopholes.....

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Hi-torque tank engines: EXTREME car hacking with The Register

TeeCee
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Re: The Griffon engine

Real horror story in that vein is the WW1 Morane "Parasol".

Rotary engine for maximum torque effect, coupled with barely adequate aileron area. The net effect was that if the pilot didn't have full left stick on as soon as the tail wheel left the floor, the right wing would bury itself in the turf, flipping the aircraft and usually killing the crew.

With full left stick, the right wing would only dip alarmingly and then return to level veeerrrryyyyy gradually......!

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Suffering satellites! Goonhilly's ARTHUR REBORN for SPAAAACE

TeeCee
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" including the part that houses its (BTs) subsea cable station."

I don't suppose the lads down there could "accidently" cut through it occasionally?

You never know, the bastards might start to understand what a PITA that is.

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Two driverless cars stuffed with passengers are ABOUT TO CRASH - who should take the hit?

TeeCee
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Only a problem until AIs are developed.

Once we have AI control, the AIs concerned will decide: "It doesn't matter what we do, we'll be sued to next Christmas one way or the other" and both drive off the cliff together.

What we need to do is address the root cause of the problem. This will be a most satisfying solution as it basically involves shooting lawyers.....

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TeeCee
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Re: When I drive on twisty mountain roads

You're far better off in a tank.

That way, in the case of an inevitable head-on collision on a single track mountain road, you can take preemptive action to ensure that your paint doesn't get scratched.

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NOKIA - Not FINNished yet! BEHOLD the somewhat DULL MYSTERY DEVICE!

TeeCee
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"Nokia said China would receive it first"

Next week: Nokia announce new fuels division, first shipments of coal to Newcastle expected in new year.

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Ofcom tackles complaint over Premier League footie TV rights

TeeCee
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Really?

You mean that people in the UK are more interested in UK football then those in other countries and are thus prepared to pay more for it and that this, in turn, leads to domestic broadcasters being prepared to bid higher for the rights than their continental counterparts?

Who could possibly have seen that coming?

Presumably the next revelation will be that the rights to Serie A sell for more in Italy than they do here.

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Heyyy! NICE e-bracelet you've got there ... SHAME if someone were to SUBPOENA it

TeeCee
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Happy

Hmm, I see an angle.....

The plaintiff will go through an "assessment" period wearing a Fitbit and running the numbers through Vivametrica to see how she compares to other women.

So a few weeks slobbing it on the sofa = bigger payoff. Where do I sign up?

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'Scope boffins get INSIDE URANUS after snapping mystery spots

TeeCee
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Yup, there's always going to be a severe reaction when something smashes into Uranus.

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Who will be Europe's privacy champion? Oh, go on then, Mr Deputy

TeeCee
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Devil

"EU officials say the hold up was with the entire shortlist."

I'm guessing that nobody on there was related to, screwing or employed as gardener / decorator / dentist by a European Commissioner. Thus they didn't have a Scooby who to vote for.

Hmm. If we had a "hotbed of nepotism and graft" icon, what would it look like?

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Google+ goes TITSUP. But WHO knew? How long? Anyone ... Hello ...

TeeCee
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Re: Titsup

Put it this way. If it were "Lying on its back with its legs in the air", a well-known way of saying "Dead", "Knackered", "Utterly cattle-trucked", etc, which way would its tits be facing?

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One million people have bonked on London public transport

TeeCee
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Devil

Re: Card clash detection

Not registered? Well, then you cant apply for a refund anyway.

Aaaannnnnndddd there it is.

Somewhere in this lot there had to be a trick to force you to register your details, so the evil fuckers can flog all that juicy data off to the marketing vultures[1].

[1] No offence.

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What's a Chromebook good for? How about running PHOTOSHOP?

TeeCee
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Meh

Hmm.

Adobe's flagship software running on bargain kit

IIRC, the price of the kit required to run it has never been the showstopper cost issue with Photoshop.

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Consumers agree to give up first-born child for free Wi-Fi – survey

TeeCee
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Ts & Cs.

Hardly surprising. All the hotspot Ts & Cs I've ever seen were presented as a page of small print obviously composed for a full desktop browser and utterly bleedin' illegible on any screen size below 19".

I don't read the sodding things either.....

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EU to accuse Ireland of giving Apple an overly peachy tax deal – report

TeeCee
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Squeeze 'em 'til the pips squeak...

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'Google is NOT the gatekeeper to the web, as some claim'

TeeCee
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"This is a false flag by /whichever agency/, probably NSA or something."

Paranoia much?

Meanwhile, in the real world, the likes of the NSA have real work to do, which doesn't include mounting elaborate operations to discredit those whose threat level is somewhere around fuck all on their scale.

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What the 4K: High-def DisplayPort vid meets reversible USB Type C

TeeCee
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Meh

Re: Nirvana

Hint: If using proper cables, the side with the USB logo on it goes upwards. This even works in the dark by touch.

IMHO, SATA leads are the worst ruddy things to try to fit blind. Handed, sides indistinguishable and damned tricky to get in if access is poor when the right way round.

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'Kim Kardashian snaps naked selfies with a BLACKBERRY'. *Twitterati gasps*

TeeCee
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Re: ok, but seriously...

By sheer coincidence today's press have "Rihanna's naughty photos hacked" articles all over the place.

Presumably her PR company are livid over the lost revenue........

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TeeCee
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Someone call the ASA!

It seems that in their frantic desperation to drum up the odd sale or two, !=RIMs advertising hasn't so much crossed the line as flown over it and nuked it in passing.

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Dotcom owns up: my name was 'poison'

TeeCee
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"my name was 'poison'"

Ah! Now I understand why he changed it......

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Getting to the BOTTOM of the great office seating debate

TeeCee
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"...mainly covered in soft furnishings this year."

Oooooh, now where have I seen partitions completely covered in cloth before?

Ah yes, the old shabby ones left over from the eighties.

I wonder how much their designers get paid for looking at the old crap in other people's skips for ideas....?

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JINGS! Microsoft Bing called Scots indyref RIGHT!

TeeCee
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Meh

Or put another way.

When asked about the outcome a few days ago, Bing coughed up the latest poll results.

Like everyone else.

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Stray positrons caught on ISS hint at DARK MATTER source

TeeCee
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Joke

"Stray positrons"

Just £2.99 a month will let you adopt a positron.

You'll get a picture of your positron, a monthly newsletter telling you all about the work of the Positron Sanctuary* and, as a special offer this week only, a cuddly positron hand-crafted from dark matter plush.

*The positron sanctuary is a registered charity in England and Wales.

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One sixth of the ENTIRE PLANET will buy a new smartphone this year

TeeCee
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How do you feel?

One in six human beings are set to buy a new smartphone this year....

Bloody sheep. Boy do I feel smug that I bucked the trend and bought one last year!

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Got your NUDE SELFIES in the cloud? Two-factor auth's your best bet for securing them

TeeCee
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Here's the problem.

In order to keep your naughty pics safe, the lads responsible for maintaining whichever service you've put 'em on need to get it right 100% of the time. That's every update checked up down back and sideways. Every third-party software change audited and tested to hell and back. Every call-centre grunt able to spot the difference between a customer with lost access credentials and someone pretending to be such with 100% accuracy. Etc ad nauseum.

The miscreants only have to get it right once......

I'm afraid that Ricky Gervais was absolutely right. Trouble is that with cloud processing and storage being such huge business right now and soooo convenient, nobody wants to hear it and its preferable to shoot the messenger rather than run the gravy train into the buffers.

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