* Posts by TeeCee

7262 posts • joined 5 Oct 2007

Never trust a developer who says 'I can fix this in a few minutes'

TeeCee
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Simple install.

One of favourite "fix it on the fly" gags was a software upgrade that had gone through testing and proved to be a pile of poo in live. Many weeks of tweaking later all was sorted and the go-ahead for further rollout was given.

The developers had provided a nice, self-extracting, install, migrate and configure package that tidied up after itself. Trouble was, its only real run in anger had been the original "pile of poo" installation and much tweaking of its contents had occurred since.

The result was something where you pressed a button, it shat all over the environment and then removed all traces of itself (leaving only the thoroughly stuffed remains of the system) so you couldn't see what had gone wrong. Oh how we laughed......

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TeeCee
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Facepalm

Re: Project manager?

Or maybe they did plan it correctly, but:

Having done so, there is the small matter of the budget allocation. You have in your hand a proposal for a project which will take X months and cost Y, so first on the agenda is off to TPTB to get the budget approved.

1) Twiddle thumbs until next approval board.

2) Get sent away with flea in ear to cut costs / improve payback / add cat pics / whatever.

3) Tweak proposal and twiddle thumbs for another month.

4) Repeat 2 and 3 a couple of times.

Presto. A project that takes X and costs Y with X - n months and Y - ${large_random_number} to do it with.

And TPTB then wonder why every bloody thing is either over time and budget or piggin' unreliable 'cos the testing was skimped.

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Belgian telco prepares to tear out last of nation's phone boxes

TeeCee
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"travelling in time and space"

Excellent!

<air guitar>

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US Air Force launches not-so-secret space plane. Thanks Russia

TeeCee
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Re: why we use Russian stuff

Four decades is pretty much on the money and would seem to affect Russia too.

That engine is a direct derivative of the oxygen rich, closed cycle units[1] developed for the Soviet moon rocket a shade over four decades ago.

The reason it's used is that, when it comes to efficiency in chemical rocketry, it kicks the living shit out of anything anyone else has produced before or since.

[1] Often described as the "holy grail of chemical rocketry", making the fact that the Soviets got it working years ago even more embarrassing.

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Hacker launches ransomware rescue kit

TeeCee
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Facepalm

System administrators caught out by ransomware without recent clean backups must first avoid panic

Difficult that one as the bit in bold would suggest that a P45 moment is looming in their near future.

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Google DOG WHISTLING fails to send URLs across the room

TeeCee
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Meh

Re: Love it.

Setting that up might be an issue though:

"Please install this Chrome plugin so I can fuck with your head."

"Er, no.".

What's needed to make this actually useful is a silent remote installation exploit........(!)

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Apple threw its TV out the window after years of research: report

TeeCee
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WTF?

"Activist Investor"

Is that USAian for "tosser"?

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Californians get first chance to be RUN OVER by a GOOGLE ROBOT

TeeCee
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Happy

Re: No need to worry

Oh I'm with you on that one, this place must be full of bloody cyclists today. I really pity the poor sod arriving at a junction and just missing the slot before the mobile chicane and its ensuing procession of purple-faced drivers.

Still, one thing that'll result will be a whole load of pseudonyms for "Google driverless car", all in fluent Anglo-Saxon.

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Amazon, eBay and Oracle in dirty power SHAME

TeeCee
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Meh

Re: Apple; 100% renewable, but 0% recyclable

Gosh! You're not seriously suggesting that products sporting a line-art pic of a wheelie bin with an "X" through it might get thrown away are you? The EU spent a fortune on that legislation and obliging all the manufacturers to correctly label their products, I'd hate to think that was a monumental waste of time, money and resources....

</mock horror>

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TeeCee
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Meh

Re: Really?

Probably just proves that there's a massive correlation between the sets of "sandal wearing leaf-munching eco-nazis" and "blinkered apple fanbois".

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UK safety app keeping lorries on the right side of cyclists

TeeCee
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WTF?

Transport Systems Catapult.

It looked very promising initially. Low cost, zero emissions and fast too. It's just proving tricky to solve the "sudden stop at the destination" issue....

Note to Civil Servants: If you play wankword bingo in public, I reserve the right to take the piss unmercifully.

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Pakistan URINE STORM: Google Maps chokes off user editing

TeeCee
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Facepalm

The great thing about "crowdsourcing" is it's free.

The drawback is that the quality of what you get is exactly what you paid for.....

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TeeCee
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Happy

It is, however, the only mapping service I am aware of that correctly identifies where "the shithole" is.

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Mildly successful flying car crashes - in mildly successful test flight

TeeCee
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WTF?

" seemingly limited damage"

Hmm, that doesn't look very limited.

In fact if you took a Lotus Elise and drove it up the arse of a Cessna at about 60mph, the results would probably look a lot like that.

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Smart grid security WORSE than we thought

TeeCee
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Coat

the OSGP has announced it's working on an update to its security standards.

So they're shit and they know they are?

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Mondeo Man turns into mutant electrical beauty: Ford Mondeo Hybrid

TeeCee
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Meh

Looks like an Aston

In exactly the same way that Cubic Zirconia looks like Diamond. That is that anyone with any taste at all would spot it for the cheap and nasty knockoff immediately.

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TeeCee
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WTF?

Re: Nothing was copied from the clever Japanese boy

What? The same Peugeot whose hybrids feature diesel drive at the front and leccy at the rear?

This has got as much in common with an F1 KERS system as that....... i.e. sod all.

Just 'cos Fords are tied into a long deal to buy that monumentally godawful PSA diesel powerplant doesn't mean they want anything else from that quarter

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FOUND: NASA's stray balloon located in the middle of nowhere

TeeCee
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expects the recovery operation to take a week, noting that the balloon and the payload are about 18 miles (29 km) from each other.

Surely they can do better than 1/10 mph between the two sites and cut that timescale a bit?

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Tesla's battery put in the shade by current and cheaper kit

TeeCee
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Well, that's what you get for having a wobbly coalition government. Decomming all the nuke plants to keep the leaf-munching luddites on message[1].

Looks like we might be about to get a taste of this arsehattery.

[1] A very strange leaf-munching luddite requirement that involves choosing lignite (brown coal - dirty as it gets) as your power source of choice. Makes you wonder which foot the German greens are going to shoot off next time they get their sticky paws on the levers of power.

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POW: Smut-seeding copyright troll slammed as 'extortionate'

TeeCee
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Alert

Re: How far will a lawyer go?

If you read the full story on Popehat you'll find they already managed to accuse themselves of incompetence in an earlier case. You can judge the efficacy of that strategy by the fact that they got truly fucked and are now appealing.

Yes, they really are so stupid that the obvious gags have already been done. By them. In court. While keeping a straight face.

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SHA-1 crypto hash retirement fraught with problems

TeeCee
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Meh

Re: Fundamental Flaws..

If someone actually needs XP SP2 it is very likely that the computer in question isn't used for web browsing.

Or, if it is so used while so far behind on patches, it'll be so riddled with crapware by now that the potential for hash collisions is the least of its user's problems.

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Apple Watch WRISTJOB SHORTAGE: It's down to BAD VIBES

TeeCee
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Coffee/keyboard

Re: throbbless jazzbangles???

You are a very bad person and you owe me a keyboard.

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Burger me! Microsoft's chainsaw rampage through sacred cow herd

TeeCee
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Facepalm

Phones turning into proper PCs when you plug them into a monitor and keyboard.

About bloody time too! They had the perfect shotgun to blow the industry apart in Win 8, with its schizophrenic conventional desktop / slidey touchy tiles duality. Typical that they didn't bother to do the obvious and instead applied the business end to their own foot and pulled both triggers as a first attempt at addressing the issue.

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NASA spies weird glow from Pluto's FRIGID pole

TeeCee
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WTF?

"the size of Texas"

Surely since it is a well-known fact that everything is bigger in Texas, the actual size of Texas is larger than the size of Texas?

Now my head hurts.

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Your new car will dob you in to the cops if you crash, decrees EU

TeeCee
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Oops! Let me fix that.

"The Greens also felt that a system promoting accident rescue is the wrong approach and the emphasis should be on safer drivingBANNING ALL VEHICLES AS THEY ARE MACHINES AND THEREFORE THE WORK OF SATAN!!!"

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Apple Watch HATES tattoos: Inky pink sinks rinky-dink sensor

TeeCee
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Happy

Re: Hardly a bug, is it...

your body is a temple.

If you're a po-faced religious arsehat this could be a problem. For those of us who don't have an issue with desecrating holy sites....

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Citroën C4 Cactus BlueHDi: A funky urban crossover

TeeCee
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Happy

Re: Cactus?

Not such a daft name as I thought it was then. It is a Citroen and they are rather famous for keeping the AA, RAC and Green Flag in business.

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Apple Watch RIPPED APART, its GUTS EXPOSED to hungry Vultures

TeeCee
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Re: Quinting

Ok, I've now seen it.

Just trying to work out why you'd want to be able to see a small, circular section of your wrist through your watch. As overpriced complexity solving a problem that doesn't exist goes, this even beats the Apple device.

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Google: We're not mad, our mobes-in-sky Project Loon is FINE

TeeCee
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News to me.

I was under the impression that Google's products were already brought to us by Loons.

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giffgaff riff-raff hacked off with lift-off of cash spaff

TeeCee
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Re: wow 7500 for a handset

Don't worry, Apple have seen the news and have Sir Jony working on it right now.

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Flying giant octopus menaces New York

TeeCee
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WTF?

Is there a prize?

As it seems that there's some fairly serious competition between hacks to get the daftest measurement comparison printed in a newspaper, I'm forced to wonder if there's a prize on offer.

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NASA guy to White House: Be really careful with that HTTPS stuff

TeeCee
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Facepalm

the HTTPS-Only website's claims that "there is no such thing as insensitive web traffic".

Presumably the people behind this are bureaucrats rather than techies, hence the fatuous bollocks.

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High on bath salts, alleged Norse god attempts tree love

TeeCee
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Facepalm

Deity-generated bolts of lightning are bad for your computer.

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TeeCee
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Coat

Amp-le opportunities for puns in this one then....

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'Hackers racked up $$$$s via the Android Play Store, and Google won't pay me back'

TeeCee
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Re: "My phone is more secure than googles servers"

I'm guessing:

1) Susan.Harvey@gmail.com

2) Pa55w0rd.

(I didn't get those from Google either).

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Segway bought by former patent spat adversary Ninebot

TeeCee
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Meh

Re: The segway always was a solution looking for a problem

Maybe the Segway has fans 'cos it's permissible to ride one without dressing as a day-glo shrinkwrapped sack of King Edwards and covering oneself in flashing lights.

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European Parliament mulls law on use of blood metal in tech

TeeCee
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Guess which version the Greens are pushing for?

As the second would seem destined to make illegal anything more highly advanced technologically than the horse and cart, that one?

Always look for the ulterior motive......

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EU says dominant Google ILLEGALLY FIDDLES search results

TeeCee
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Facepalm

"Convince us you ain't"

Ah yes. Guilty until proven innocent.

Hard enough when proving innocence doesn't involve proving a negative.....

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TeeCee
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Meh

Yelp, which does have a good product...

Funny how business strategies like; "Nice restaurant you have there. Be a crying shame if it got a load of bad reviews and went bust now, wouldn't it.........?" always seem to do well in earning a crust.

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Is hyper-convergence a good thing? Ask a mini computer veteran

TeeCee
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WTF?

Er, what?

"cutting both the OPEX and CAPEX..........., IT budgets comes under less strain."

Is it just me or does that translate as "if you buy cheaper stuff that costs less to run, you save money"?

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Incomprehensible boffins bring quantum computers a step closer

TeeCee
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Quantum Computing.

I can see the business applications now.

The main problem with conventional computing in addressing the needs of business is that whenever you come up with a correct answer that causes some bugger to change the question.

Hopefully a quantum computer will be able to deliver the right answer and the right answer to the new question at the same time.

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Bloke hits armadillo AND mother-in-law with single 9mm round

TeeCee
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I prefer APDS rounds. That's Armadillo Prevention Discarding Sabot.

Or, in other words, chuck an old shoe at it and make it fuck off.

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TeeCee
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Holy crap! Where do you live that has armadillos that big?

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Grandmaster FLUSH: Chess champ booted for allegedly cheating with iPod app in the loo

TeeCee
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"the chief arbiter made him forfeit his match"

Poetic justice at its best.

His opponent won and he finished as number two.

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Twitter yanks firehose from DataSift, other resellers

TeeCee
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Happy

Re: "build solutions around Twitter data"

The root cause is: "Opinions are like arseholes, everybody's got one.".

The problem is that, in the past, many arseholes found no outlet for their opinions, causing blockage. Previous attempts at solving this problem used some variation on the "Speaker's corner" approach which tended to result in a secondary problem, arseholes being pelted with rotting fruit[1] by those listening to the diatribe of rabid cobblers which was invariably on offer.

Twitter solves that problem by allowing opinionated arseholes to publicise their opinions, without actually obliging anyone either to listen or give a toss if they do.

[1] Or, worse still, being elected to government.

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Tech troll's podcasting patent blown out of the water by EFF torpedo

TeeCee
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WTF?

They sued Apple?

Using a bullshit patent?

I'm amazed that works. Surely that's like trying to freeze polar bears to death or kill Satan with a flamethrower....

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Xiaomi's birthday present to itself: Flogging 2m phones in 12 hours

TeeCee
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Re: Profit not volumes

Chasing market share can be a Good Thing if:

1) You have spare capacity / production sitting idle.

2) The knockdown rates you charge to grab it still contribute to margin (i.e. at least cover direct costs).

Forget those and you go titsup.com rather quickly.

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Foreign firms must obey EU laws no matter where they're based, says EU. Hear that, Google?

TeeCee
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Mushroom

Sauce for the Goose....

Maybe if the US were to do away with "we pwn teh hole wurld"[1] legislation like API and SOX, we might be prepared to talk about the problem.

[1] 'Cos you get the impression that the authors of such can't do difficult stuff like spelling and tying their own shoelaces.

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ICANN urges US, Canada: Help us stop the 'predatory' monster we created ... dot-sucks!

TeeCee
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Or, in other words.

ICANN are a bit skint. They're angling for an excuse to ban .sucks before the clock runs down and they have to fork out $2,500 for "icann.sucks".

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RELICS of the Earth's long lost TWIN planet FOUND ON MOON

TeeCee
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Happy

Re: Aaaaaand...

Probably not a nutter, just an American.

Paranoia over some "evil government conspiracy" or other seems to come with the passport.

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