* Posts by TeeCee

7808 posts • joined 5 Oct 2007

Head transplant candidate sells souvenirs to fund operation

TeeCee
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Too much effort. Just send Igor out to get one.

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FTC: Duo bought rights to Android game – then turned it into ad-slinging junkware in an update

TeeCee
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Facepalm

Re: Ok FTC. Turn your guns on MS

Go on then shithead, name a consumer OS that doesn't push updates if you don't deliberately turn them off?

Just out of interest, do you actually know where the having a central update source for all your OS and application updates was first formalised? HINT: Well-known OS, begins with "L".

The problem in this case is you have software provided by third parties which is not vetted or tested being given the keys to the device's update system. MS are one of the few that actually don't do that.

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What's it like to work for a genius and Olympic archer who's mates with Richard Branson?

TeeCee
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IT Angle

Re: Access? Excel????

Much as I hate to reply to my own post, I have just revisited it on returning from the Evildrome Boozerama and decided that (IMHO) "Ziggurat of turds" is a phrase that deserves more common usage.

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TeeCee
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Access? Excel????

That's almost sensible.

As I may have mentioned elsewhere here, I once worked for a place where the Management Accountants had replicated the entire Nominal Ledger structure in Lotus 123 V3......(!)

A spreadsheet for each account, using V3's "3D" link feature, so that actions in the base level accounts cascaded up the structure, just like the real thing......only much, much more slowly[1]. It was like a software version of a massive ziggurat built entirely of turds.

[1] Some of the more senior lads has 386SX 16s....Woohoo.

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Reminder: iPhones commit suicide if you repair them on the cheap

TeeCee
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A car analogy is always good.

Once upon a time, car manufacturers would keep their diagnostic codes and such a closely guarded secret. In addition, the secondhand car trade would mark down a vehicle that had been serviced outside the manufacturer's dealership network and all manufacturers "approved used car" scheme would refuse to accept such. Finally, the manufacturers would refuse to supply manuals and service bulletins to third parties.

Then the EU ruled all the above as anticompetitive and illegal.

The end.

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For sale: One 236-bed nuclear bunker

TeeCee
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Happy

Interesting.

"Security could be racked up if needed."

That would suggest that I could have frikkin' lasers on it, so just one question then:

Does it have a shark pool?

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EMC creates a Star Trek holodeck ... and uses it to simulate a data center

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EMC

I guess that sales must now be so bad that they have to create pretend data centres to pretend to sell kit to. It's either that or just sit there and cry....

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Teradataaaaargghh! How to go from years in the black right into the red

TeeCee
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Meh

Worse still, you need real Teradata types on staff to look after / extend what you originally built. That's a minimum of two FTEs on your payroll to ensure continuity. The alternative is spending seven figures on something that looks more and more like a bog standard disk array as time goes on.

So that's both the CAPEX and OPEX side off into the stratosphere.....

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Bill for half a billion quid lands on Apple's desk in Facetime patent scrap

TeeCee
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Re: Apple spoke to El Reg

BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

And they all said that my heavy investment in a manufacturer of fine porcelain sanitary ware, designed for those of an Ursine persuasion, was a mistake!

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It killed Safe Harbor. Will Europe's highest court now kill off hyperlinks?

TeeCee
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Trollface

Playing the analogy game.

Let's just say, for the sake of argument, that geenstijl had come across the location of a long forgotten arms cache containing a couple of hundred AK47s, 20,000 rounds of ammo, 12 RPGs, and a half tonne of Semtex for good measure and had gone on to publish said location, along with a "fill your boots" message.

Are they then guilty of anything?

The arms cache was already there, anybody could have found it just by looking in the right place..........

The words; "There's no correct answer" spring to mind.

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Major Hollywood studio eyes Paint Drying sequel

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The production's cancelled.

Hollywood have just bricked it.

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Uber rebrands to the sound of whalesong confusion

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WTF?

Re: rates

Hang on.....this is an interwebs thing, right?

Surely Uber have as much right as all the other web darlings to expect their contributors to provide their shit for free? Presumably all that's happened is someone's noticed that they're paying for shit and in a fit of astonishing generosity they've decided to phase it out rather than just stopping.

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Boeing's X-Wing 737 makes first flight

TeeCee
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Re: Less drag, not more lift

You have it. Without an endplate of some sort, high pressure air below the wing spills around the end and equalises pressure, meaning that the last couple of feet of a naked wing contribute nothing to lift (but still to drag).

By preventing spillover, this air forms a neat vortex. Drag is reduced and lift improved. They serve the same purpose as the five large feathers that stick out from the end of an eagle's wing, which is where the A380 design team got the idea from (and as they came up with the system and are adamant it contributes to lift........!).

A necessity for the 380 to keep the wingspan down to acceptable levels and retrofitted to other aircraft as more lift and reduced drag reduces fuel burn on takeoff and climb.

Maybe when retrofitted to an older wing design it merely serves to reduce drag but when coupled with a wing surface designed to get the most out of the system...................?

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You've seen things people wouldn't believe – so tell us your programming horrors

TeeCee
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I was once awestruck by a piece on the old System/38, while looking for a problem that had come up.

It was a CL program.

It had 25 lines.

Most of these were comments on what the thing did, leaving three lines of actual code.

Two of those were "PGM" and "ENDPGM".

That left one.

Which was wrong.

On the plus side, it was quite easy to find the error.

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Rooting your Android phone? Google’s rumbled you again

TeeCee
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Facepalm

Re: This is not...

More to the point, who writes malware that will only work on a previously rooted device?

So you're only going to try to pwn the devices of tech-savvy types who are waaaaaaayyyyyyy more likely to notice something's up and remove your shit.........right...........very clever, I'm sure.

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Reg readers battle to claim 'my silicon's older than yours' crown

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Re: Why, when I was young ...

Wow, that caused a nostalgia moment.

First actual, honest-to-god "PC" I ever got given as "mine" to work on was an XT 286.

Provided to me with a shitload of figures, a copy of Freelance, a pen plotter and instructions to put something on foils that the Chairman could use to impress his peers. Colour monitor too, no expense spared when He says "Do it".

First thing I did on being given this unexpected and extraordinarily expensive[1] present was to wheedle a 5250 card for it so it could replace my terminal and (as a side effect and more importantly) also ensure that no other bugger could take it away......

[1] As in more than twice the cost of my car at the time.

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Why a detachable cabin probably won’t save your life in a plane crash

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Facepalm

And now.....

.....the sensible version.

Eject the wings.

That's the engines and fuel tanks[1] gone and the rest of it, including the crew parachuting down safely. Simpler to implement too as the wing roots are major assembly joints anyway and merely replacing the existing bolts with explosive ones sorts the "ejecting" bit. This just leaves the parachute system as a new thing to work out.

Yes, this is a really fucking stupid idea, but I reckon it's not quite as stupid as the original one on offer.

[1] Before anyone says "belly tank", look at the original idea.......!

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TeeCee
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Such a bloody awful idea.....

....that you're actually forced to wonder if the deaths resulting from "ejectable cabin" fuckups would actually be fewer than those prevented by having one.

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Sorry slacktivists: The Man is shredding your robo responses

TeeCee
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Facepalm

Re: Meanwhile back in the UK

Posted anonymously.

Thank you for that prize-winning tautological clusterfuck.

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BOFH: In-depth IT training needs a single-malt distillery

TeeCee
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Some of us had the foresight to buy enough lead solder (flux cored and plain) to last until hell freezes over before it became unavailable.

I'm probably breaking some clipboard wielding twat's daft rule somewhere by using it but, do you know what? Fuck 'em.

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Land Rover Defender dies: Production finally halted by EU rules

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Military use.

Another one.

An ex-squaddie mate was in the Balkans. They learned very quickly to sleep in their Land Rovers as, if one was left unattended overnight, it would magically change into a shiny, new Humvee.

A Land Rover would fit down all the little village roads in the Balkans, whereas a Humvee wouldn't and the American army is actually quite resourceful when it comes to securing the correct kit for the job in hand.

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TeeCee
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Facepalm

It's a good joke, but.....

Having actually been in the situation of being out in the arse-end of nowhere with both a Land Rover and a Toyota Land Cruiser, there was only one thing that stopped the Land Rover.

It had to, repeatedly, to pull the sodding Toyota out of whatever it had got stuck in this time.

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'Blue light services will get 4G on London Tube!' Cool, how? 'Errrrm...'

TeeCee
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Seems to be an error there.

"The Home Office has said............EE was selected to build the new network because it was the most cost effective optionhas been bought by BT and all their old cronies work for them."

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OnePlus ends rationing. You can now buy its phones just like that!

TeeCee
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Ahem.

...it’s a radical departure for the Shenzhen outfit.

Er, no it isn't. Some time before the Two came out, the One got a honking price cut and went over to "no invite needed". Last time I looked (last week) the only product that was still on invite only ordering was the OnePlus X.

This seems to be standard policy. Once production and supply can hold their own against demand, they drop the ordering restrictions.

No. 1 Son has a OnePlus Two. As far as I can make out, the only thing missing that stops it being the undisputed king is about 250 quid on the price tag.

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Apple’s retail chief: ‘Touching customers’ key to retail success

TeeCee
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Meh

Re: Burberry

Well when your core business is dressing chav muggers, it makes sense to do it as cheaply as possible.

The majority of their customers can't tell the difference between a quality product and cheap, Chinese tat with an eye-wateringly expensive badge on it........ a bit like Apple really........

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'Unikernels will send us back to the DOS era' – DTrace guru Bryan Cantrill speaks out

TeeCee
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He has a point.

The resulting condensed unikernel package cooperates with other unikernels running on the host for resources and processor core time.

That's cooperative multitasking that is. Not DOS, but early Windows. The problem is when one of the tasks doesn't play nice and in the absence of a preemptive supervisor program to take its toys away, we get the return of the "General Protection Fault".

The GPF was the poor old system tasks given the job of monitoring the shitfight saying; "Oh fuck, something went wrong.".

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Pubs good for the soul: Official

TeeCee
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Pint

Re: Your pint has been marked

Some years ago, I was forced to wait several hours for a visa in central London. By sheer good fortune the pub opposite the embassy had just been refurbed and was now open for business and by even more good fortune had Leffe Blonde on draught!

Jackpot was finding out that none of the staff present had worked out what the line a (very long) way down the side of a large Leffe glass was for. This rather serious oversight meant that it worked out somewhat cheaper to drink than the rest of their offerings, being pretty bloody close to a "buy one, get one free" deal.

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Brit censors endure 10-hour Paint Drying movie epic

TeeCee
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Coat

Can you get that from Audible?

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TeeCee
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Stop

Re: I'm fairly sure....

A three month special exhibition in the Turbine Hall at Tate Modern and a Turner Prize in that order.

I hear that Ladbrokes have already stopped taking bets.

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TeeCee
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Which begs the question as to how After Earth got released without them having to sit through it.

(If you haven't seen it, imagine what WWW would have been like if Will Smith had written it too and then selected a director based solely on how far up his own arse he was to really guarantee that sweep at the razzies.)

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If you're one of millions using Magento – stop whatever you're doing and patch now

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ohshit.

.....if you are running a Magento platform..........You can expect your site to be tested within the next day.

Cue torrent of "we haz pwnd u & ur credit" stories from multiple site breaches. Chances of all those millions of sites being patched immediately? Bugger all......

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Holy sh*t week forces Twitter top brass to go on ‘retreat’

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Hmm.

A "retreat"? You're right, that does sound rather quasi-religious.

Twitter names commerce chief Nathan Hubbard as interim media head...

Any relation.........?

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No, that Linux Keyrings bug isn't in '66 per cent of Android devices'

TeeCee
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Re: Wahoo...

I cut out the middle man. I always buy sim free phones anyway, so there's no "service provider" involved (and I am rather failing to see why which SIM is in the bloody thing should make a difference on a generic device anyway).

I pull updates directly from the manufacturer's website. Makes no difference though, each and every new device will get one (possibly two[1]) version updates[2]. That's it.

Security patches? Never seen one. Anywhere.

[1] If it really was the whizzbang latest thing when I bought it.

[2] Usually at least two of each version. One for the new version and one to fix all the cockups they made implementing the new version.

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TeeCee
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FAIL

".... promised a fix by March 1. That's the bad news."

No, the bad news is somewhere around 10% of affected devices will actually get that patch.

The rest will all be more than 12 months old and their manufacturers won't bother cutting system updates for them.

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Rust 1.6 released, complete with a stabilised libcore

TeeCee
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Re: interesting, but...

I'd go a step further. Any language where you get to play around with memory directly, rather than just declaring variables and letting the compiler do the bit that humans invariably fuck up at some point, is totally unsuitable as an application development tool.

That sort of language is for bare metal shit only.

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Should manufacturers supply spares

TeeCee
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Re: Should manufacturers supply spares

Can't say I've ever seen that problem except on IBM (now Lenovo) laptops. Those insist on their own wireless cards and often disks too. No different to the generic part except for the manufacturer's ID string in the firmware (which they check).

That's an old IBM habit from before there even were laptops which Lenovo seem to have persisted with.

I've happily swapped bits on many other manufacturers' products with no problems.

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Squeeze the banana to log into this office Wi-Fi

TeeCee
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Yes, but the banana provides a simple visual check of how close to failure it is. Change when >25% covered in brown spots.

For a real problem fruit for this rig you can't beat a pear. Those little fuckers go from inedibly hard to overripe while your back's turned. A bowl of pears is a waste of space, unless you can scoff the lot in the brief few seconds while they're perfectly ripe.

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Airbus, Boeing aero parts maker loses $54m in cyber-stick-up

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Facepalm

Financial accounts targetted?

More likely some eejit had a bug in a spreadsheet macro and the cash never existed anywhere outside their reported figures in the first place.

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The next Cuban gristle crisis: US Navy warship powered by beef fat

TeeCee
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Happy

Impressive.

That's got to be the biggest two-fingered salute at the Middle East and the animal rights nazis ever made.

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TeeCee
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FAIL

Re: Team America

Er, Trump is a good thing[1].

You think that certain people should be barred from running for office purely for their political views? Exactly what sort of fascist are you? One from the "left" or "right"?

[1] If he ends up getting elected well, hey, that's democracy for you. Democracy means that you have to accept the will of the majority of the people whether you like it or not. I realise that the will of the people tends to conflict with the ideals of bien pensant PC-fixated arsehats, but that's a plus in my book.

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Watch: SpaceX Dragon capsule breathes fire during crucial hover test

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Parachutes = Good.

For two very good reasons.

1) Parachutes use no fuel in braking. That's less mass to haul around and less explosively combustible shit in and around the crew compartment.

2) If you can get your parachute to deploy that's it, there's not much else to go wrong. I haven't got time to go through the massive list of things that must work for a retro-rocket landing to be successful.

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Gotcha: Symantec fires reseller nabbed in tech support scam

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Holmes

Really?

....appears to be based in.......India...

A tech support scam turns out to be from India?

I'll take a wild punt here and bet that bears shit in the woods too.

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That one weird trick fails: Google binned 780 million ads last year

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FAIL

Re: When they can guarantee that advertising wont be a malware vector...

I've said it before and I'll say it again.

They could easily guarantee that. All they have to do is take the ad content, vet it and host it themselves to serve, rather than selling the slot and fetching the content from ${shithole}.

I know that this would cause howls of outrage in the advertising agency world about being less "agile" and "responsive to the market". However, in the same way that we do not allow small children to have submachineguns and live grenades, we should not allow advertisers direct access to computers.

I know that analogy isn't perfect, small children don't know any better whereas advertising execs are just bastards.

FAIL: 'Cos the current system is a massive, steaming heap of it.

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How to get root on a Linux box, step 1: Make four billion system calls

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On an Android device it'll have crufted and require a reboot well before root pops then.

Secure By Design!

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Bone-dry British tech SMBs miss out on UK.gov cash shower

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WTF?

Oddly enough, I read this and as soon as I saw that they'd dropped the business case basis I thought; "Aha! The lefties have been at this........".

"Business = bad. Equality for all[1] = Good.". Who's usually chanting that mantra then?

[1] I.E. drag everyone down to the level of the terminally useless.

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It's 2016 and idiots still use '123456' as their password

TeeCee
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Black Helicopters

Re: Easily remembered...

....in most attacks they are guessing the username too.....

Er, why? Company records, directors' names. If there's a director called Roger Bellend, try "rbellend", "roger.bellend" and "roger.bellend@company.com" (the last only if they're a bit techy and hate their users enough to make 'em type that shit).

One of those should work and with a bit of luck, being a director, he'll have insisted on having a bit more access than he should have, the "three strikes" on dodgy passwords being disabled and session logging turned off.

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For pity's sake, enterprises, upgrade your mobile OS - report

TeeCee
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Facepalm

Re: Apple

While I really hate to back Apple up here, I'll bet a stack of cash a foot thick that it got updates for at least twice as long as an Android device bought at the same time did....

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TeeCee
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Paris Hilton

Re: UI design

The big problem with skeuomorphism is that it constrains designers to variations on a theme.

These days they can get all the way up their own arses and dream up new paradigms to diversificate user experiences in a post-modernistic world to their hearts' content.

This way they can win awards. Design awards tend toward the "Turner prize" type, so anything practical, sensible or easy to use is a total loser.

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Apple backs down from barring widow her dead husband's passwords

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Re: What ever you do, don't...

Damn.

Anyone want a leopard? Cheap to anyone with a use for it.....

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Trojan-filled Chrome extensions for Steam boil off gamers' assets

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Mushroom

Re: making virtual crap worth actual money

If it's virtual, it's collectable and can be used in a game, it's worth a shedload of real cash in SE Asia. (Too many rich "gamers" too lazy to do the real work of earning the stuff themselves).

Steam need to get with the program and do what Blizzard have done. Separate servers for SE Asia, rigorous IP geolocation for same, walled to fuck and impossible to transfer balances and virt goods to/from other regions.

Effectively, put the little shits in a box and glue the lid down.

Icon: Yes, this is the nuclear option.

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