* Posts by 4a$$Monkey

134 posts • joined 4 Oct 2007

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Pirate Bay plans sky-high flying proxy servers

4a$$Monkey
Pirate

What they really need is...

A giant pirate galleon shaped airship data-centre!

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BOFH: Lock shock

4a$$Monkey
Heart

OMG Best BOFH in ages

Nice one!

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Emmerdale shoves jam rags in innocent kiddies' faces

4a$$Monkey
Troll

They troll?

I assume they just troll sometimes... right?

Wait you mean they are serious!

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US boffins synthesize self-replicating bacteria

4a$$Monkey
WTF?

Re: consent

Scientist: Ok hands up all the bacteria who don't want their DNA messed with.

Scientist: No one? Well I guess we're good to go then. Igor! Fetch the artificial DNA vials!

(0/10 Obvious troll)

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Facebook enshrines dead people profiles

4a$$Monkey
Coat

John Doe has set their status to deceased

Coat please o/

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Child porn threat to airport's 'virtual strip search' scanners

4a$$Monkey
FAIL

It is an image but...

This is so going to fail in court.

1) It needs to be obscene not just nude to be illigal

2) If this counted you might as well say a X-ray or MMR scan of children are also illegal

ARCH need to STFU!

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Texas Instruments aims lawyers at calculator hackers

4a$$Monkey
WTF?

Calculator Enthusiasts

I was not aware these people existed and I am now a little scared.

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Apple sends iPhones into 'Coma Mode'

4a$$Monkey
Joke

Need to brick your iPhone?

There's an app for that!

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US Spec Ops operates psywar websites targeted at UK

4a$$Monkey
Joke

supporting Global War On Terror requirements

Isn't that called Fox News?

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Explorers unearth cat-sized rat

4a$$Monkey
Badgers

You F#@&ing catch it!

Did they try to give it a fruit pastille?

http://preview.tinyurl.com/5sa2pp [Probably NSFW]

Badgers because its not a F#@&ing rat

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NASA orbiter snaps Apollo 12 landing site

4a$$Monkey
Black Helicopters

FAKE!

Clearly they had some kind of automated footprint making robot. But I'm not fooled! NO SIREE!!

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Soviet military-surplus manned spacecraft to fly again

4a$$Monkey
Grenade

remove the armament...

...or maybe not!

Could be a big market for rich red-neck big game hunters!

"Ay git ma a Geostationary burd! Ye ha!!!"

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EU turns beady eye on flaming iPod menace

4a$$Monkey
Terminator

The 600 series had rubber skin. We spotted them easy...

Is it not time all iStories carry the ROTM tag!

Apple are clearly under the control of the Lizard Alliance!!!!!!!!1111

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Minister attacks drunken topless lovelies with tangler-bazooka

4a$$Monkey
Coat

Topless terrorist avoid being shot at!

AL Qaeda training camps are going to be sooo much better :P

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100 freetards an hour join Pirate Party UK

4a$$Monkey
Coat

Wrong type of pirate

I'll put my tricorne away then :o(

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Microsoft's web Office: No love for Chrome, Opera

4a$$Monkey
Grenade

To users of unfamiliar web browsers

Using IE6 - upgrade already!

Using Chrome - more likely to go for Chocolate Factory apps

Using Opera - Why?

Using Safari on Windows - WTF? Even the Fanboys know its shit!

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Is Apple plotting a search of its own?

4a$$Monkey
Jobs Horns

They will get a market share...

... because the fanboys will use anything apple make regardless of how s*** it is.

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Google guns for MS Office with billboard campaign

4a$$Monkey
Thumb Down

Google Apps is really not that great.

I wouldn't pay for it. I'd rather pay for MS Office or use open office.

Google Apps sharing feature is about the only good thing going for it.

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Blackpool acts to avoid fall of Pericles

4a$$Monkey
Joke

Sponging benefits claimants

Computer says no.

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BOFH: Hammer time!

4a$$Monkey
Coffee/keyboard

Best BOFH for ages!

Great episode Simon!

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Yahoo! takes notes on your searches

4a$$Monkey
Badgers

Status: 4a$$Monkey is currently searching for porn

Hmmm I think I won't be signing up

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Bloke uses nail clippers to go roundhead

4a$$Monkey
WTF?

FFS WHY?

Why? Just why would you do that?

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BOFH: Spontaneous Legal Combustion

4a$$Monkey
Thumb Up

Fantastic

Best BOFH in ages! Great work Simon.

Ignore all the idiots who failed to get the fake introduction.

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Videogame history project successfully emulates CRT on LCD

4a$$Monkey
Joke

I often find my screen is fuzzy after using Stella

About 6 cans normally does the tick

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Koreans cook up glow-in-the-dark beagles

4a$$Monkey
Joke

Kim Il-sung is going to be pissed off!

His flying laser money project is going less well!

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Pig plague 2.0: Can't spell 'pandemic' without 'panic'

4a$$Monkey
Thumb Up

Great article

I was wondering how long it would take for a scathing article from El Reg and this does not disappoint.

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Russian hairdresser turns stickup merchant into sex slave

4a$$Monkey

That's what you get when you too much porn!

Looks like it warped their fragile little minds.

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NASA probes seek remnants of lost 'Theia' planet

4a$$Monkey
Alien

You are all wrong

It is well known that the moon is made of cheese. I would have thought you would know that!

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Profs: Facebook, Twitter users are lazy, thick, amoral

4a$$Monkey
Stop

It may be that if it wasn't for Facebook...

"It may be that if it wasn't for Facebook, some students would still find other ways to avoid studying"

Err... Beer?

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British steam car completes final testing

4a$$Monkey
Flame

Steampunk

What the hell is that? If it is not made of brass and nicely polished hardwood what is the point building a steam car?

No sense of style!

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BMW driver follows satnav to edge of cliff

4a$$Monkey

Photo

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/bradford/7962212.stm

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ISS space bio-experiment freezer to return on Discovery

4a$$Monkey
Thumb Up

Best story of the week

Oh I thought it was Friday for a second :(

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Ex-Star Wars boffins build mosquito-blasting raygun

4a$$Monkey
Black Helicopters

ROTM

Can I be the first to point out it is all well and good until the flying "death bots" with "freakin laser beams" decide we are are the the ones that need to be wiped out!

FLEE!

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French yoof offered Halo-esque electric buggy

4a$$Monkey
Thumb Up

Optional extras

How much for the rocket launcher or mini gun turret options?

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Boffin unveils facial expression-controlled iPod

4a$$Monkey
Thumb Down

Why?

Get the boffins back on something useful like flying cars or breeding monkeys with wings!

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Wacky Jacqui Smith says whole country crusading against CCTV

4a$$Monkey
Thumb Down

Sigh

What I want to know is who voted for her? <clickety> ah Redditch that explains it...

Redditch you suck!

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South Pole stilt-base builder to give lecture in Sadville

4a$$Monkey
Flame

Elements

Its a bit off topic but on the IceCube site is says:

"We actually use large volumes of ice below the South Pole to watch for the rare neutrino that crashes into an atom of ice."

So Ice is an element? Have they thought out using atoms of Fire, Earth and Air?

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Robot 'Spider-man' casts net to nab burglars

4a$$Monkey
Black Helicopters

ROTM?

Where is the ROTM flag?

How are we supposed to keep track of the fearsome escalation in arms bringing us closer and closer to cybergedon?

Has the Reg been taken over by the machines?

Ahhhhhhhhhh

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Ubuntu's Shuttleworth praises Windows 7, welcomes fight

4a$$Monkey
Stop

re: A word of warning

1) You installed a beta OS on your PC and didn't backup your files.

2) You formatted a volume and didn't double check it was the right one.

You fail at IT!

Oh and Windows 7 is great - it is what Vista should have been.

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Nine in ten emails now spam

4a$$Monkey
Coat

spum-churning zombies

"spum-churning zombies" is this a new term I'm not aware of or is it a typo? Frankly I'm not prepared to goggle it to find out!

/mines the one without the spum on it!

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Scorpions tale leaves IWF exposed

4a$$Monkey
Thumb Down

WFT is Web 4.0?

You just made that up didn't you.

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Lapdancing 'not sexually stimulating', MPs hear

4a$$Monkey
Thumb Up

Re: I'm fed up with ugly women complaining.

Can this guy get a comment of the year award?

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Gary Glitter expelled from GCSE paper

4a$$Monkey
Heart

"This stonking great child molester"

Fantastic quote!

ROFL

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MP calls for Jezza Clarkson's head

4a$$Monkey
Thumb Down

Ministry of Humour

Perhaps the government should establish a ministry for humour so they can vet what we should find funny. I mean what is the world coming to when you can't make dead prostitute jokes?

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Germans seduce Jacqui over remote hacking of disks

4a$$Monkey

(untitled)

If you find it reasonable that the police / security services can use surveillance on telephones then it is not that unreasonable to allow them to access disks - but it should only be done with the appropriate judicial controls and warrants.

Like the article says with the proper precautionary measures you could stop plod planting the trojan in the first place.

>Mines the tinfoil hat

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Holy f**k, Microsoft covers up ‘undesired’ words

4a$$Monkey
Linux

A title is required.

Customer > Hello Microsoft support, my machine is running slow.

MS Support > What OS are you running?

Customer > Vista...

MS Support > Well you should have installed Lin#BEEP#... you stu#BEEP#... twa#BEEEEEP#...

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Supersonic bizjets could have windowless flight decks

4a$$Monkey
Flame

Would a window really help?

Aren't your pretty much boned if there is a major systems failure on a modern jet?

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Next Windows name unveiled: Windows 7

4a$$Monkey
Stop

MS can't count

1)1.xx

2) 2.xx

3) 3.xx

4) NT3

5) 95

6) NT4

7) 98

8) ME

9) 2000

10) XP

11) Vista

12) Windows 7

12 Not 7!

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I'm very sorry, says gay health warning clergyman

4a$$Monkey
Paris Hilton

re: So, how serious is he ...

I think you will find they are going to have full of shit tattooed on them...

http://tinyurl.com/4x5f2b

Paris because you can't have a Fellate story without her!

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Government data protection standards are protected data

4a$$Monkey
Paris Hilton

re: You can't just hammer hard drives in big companies

I work in the education sector and we have over the last few weeks replaced about a hundred desktops and disposed of a handful of old servers. I know that's not a massive scale but it's not insignificant. In most cases Shred worked fine, with a few we had to use other tools and there were a dozen or so failed drives that had to be physical destroyed.

Yes it is a pain and it takes time but it has to be done*. Its the "too much time" attitude that cause these leaks.

*Think of the Children** :P

** Actually its people thinking of the Children that cause us to have to wipe everything :D

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