* Posts by Rob Holmes

38 posts • joined 27 Feb 2007

The Google-isation of all the net's access points

Rob Holmes
Gates Horns

@Richard Large

In answer to the (implied) question "why are tabs so great?", two words:

Mouse Gestures.

Integrated with Opera, plugin available for FF, nothing as far as IE is concerned, and guess what? Tabs are a pain in the Yaris with Explorer.

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Russell Crowe to play Bill Hicks?

Rob Holmes

@Chris Sharp

I agree with the point, that if they watched Revalations followed by NCFC, they'd see no significant link.

However, if they watched Relentless (a year before Revalations) followed by NCFC, they'd see quite a few rip-offs on the part of Leary, not least of which the entire Jim-Fix-died-whilst-jogging bit, which Hicks did far better anyway IMO.

I do like Leary, but I must agree with Ms. Bee on this, he'd have done better sticking to his own material.

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Rob Holmes
Jobs Horns

Said in a dead-pan kind of a way...

I can see it now:

"My name is Maximus Goatboy Meridius...

I want to wear you like a feed-bag."

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Suprise at spelling snafu sanctions

Rob Holmes
Joke

@David, RE: No Excuses

"FFS..."

*Stops reading post*

Please go back and do it again. Oh, and repair the irony-guage whilst you're about it, it seems to have exploded.

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Police detain Tariq Aziz's cigar case

Rob Holmes
Joke

A way out?

"The 2003 UN order is enforced unless the owner of an item "can prove they were not aware that the property was illegally removed from Iraq""

So basically if Mr. Johnson can prove he didnt know what he was doing, then he's safe?

There isn't a jury in the land that wont buy a plea like that from him :-)

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Dutch boffins clone Oyster card

Rob Holmes
Happy

DDoS on a gate

Anonymous Coward Wrote:

Place a very large person in the way. That's a DoS attack

--------------------------

DDoS attack therefore is to place several very large people in the way, possibly wedging them in to the gate itself :D

Not very technical I admit, but effective non-the-less.

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BOFH: Testing the obscenity filters

Rob Holmes

Awesome!

"....and he recalibrates himself out of a job."

Best. Line. Ever :D

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Boeing raygunship fires first blasts in ground testing

Rob Holmes

Return to the 70's

Chrome is going to be back in fasion then.

Although this raises an interesting point - do you go ahead and chrome all your tanks / APC's / HummVees and risk the fact that you WILL be seen by standard weapons platforms, or do you go for the standard camo paint job and prey the pilot of the LaserPlane doesnt notice you?

Personally I'd like to see chrome battle tanks on the battle field, it'd just look cool.

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Welsh Darth Vader dodges jail

Rob Holmes

@ Craig McCormick, David Evans, et al.

So, what are you saying? That I could run up to you whilst you are enjoying your garden with your friends (regardless of what you happen to be doing at the time), smack you round the head with a fairly long, reasonably weighty pole, and as long as I shout "Only joking!" over my shoulder as I run away, its all fine is it?

I must admit, I think its pretty sad that people think this is an acceptable way to behave (and I'm not talking about the wannabe Jedis). Someone gets assulted on their own properly and they're branded as whingers for going to the Police!

Then brand me a bloody whinger because if someone attacks me in my garden (or anywhere else for that matter) and escapes without a good kicking, then I'd be going to the Police as well.

And anyone who thinks this IS an acceptable way to behave, can I have your address? It seems like you'd be the perfect candidate for me to beat up when I feel stressed, since I'm guessing you wouldn't go whinging to the Police, would you?

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Rob Holmes
Joke

@Lee

I find your lack of faith disturbing.

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Fujitsu develops world's first hi-def train simulator

Rob Holmes
Joke

Train Vandal Simulator

Thats not realistic! Where is the graffiti covering the carridge? Although I suppose the benefit is two-fold - training the drivers and (assuming this makes it to the arcades) giving the vandals somewhere to hone their skills without the dangers of moving trains and elecrified rails.

Also, do they intend to hire a guy with a can of Special Brew to simulate the token drunk (outside of London, of course)?

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Welsh student exposed to nude webcam operators

Rob Holmes
Boffin

People missing the point...

I'd be interested to know what the people complaining about the wages for this job get paid. £10 per hour plus commission? Thats hardly to be sneezed at. I think the confusion has come because a quote in the article says "Guaranteed minimum wages", not, as many people appear to have read it "Garunteed minimum wage".

£40 plus commission for flashing your bits at the world and their mates for 4 hours sounds like a good deal to me. No heavy lifting, warm, dry workplace, theres much worse jobs paying far less money.

Icon because some people need glasses... ;-)

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Brit tourist blags his way onto Iron Man set

Rob Holmes
Paris Hilton

@ Allan Dyer

Not only worked for free but also paid out of his own pocket because he missed his flight.

Good work, that man.

Paris, because she does certain films for free as well.

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Software company seeks 'Senior BJ assistant'

Rob Holmes

@ Ishkandar

Quote: "And what perks, if any, are available ??"

Well, I think that free lunch is something of a given.

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Ryanair battles ASA over 'saucy schoolgirl' ad

Rob Holmes

@Stuart Van Onselen

"....And how about that crap about "fashionable among young women"? Do Brit 20-somethings really dress like Britney Spears, or is the RyanAir spokesthing lying through his crooked teeth?"

You've not been out in a large-ish British city in the evenings recently, have you?

In other words, yes, female brit 20-somethings (and 30-somethings and *shudder* 40 and 50-somethings, not to mention the ones which are 20-something STONE) do dress like that. A few can carry it off and look good. Most look like old sheep dressed as young sheep.

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New Bond film title voted a 'Licence to Thrill!'

Rob Holmes

@ Sub-Vulture II

Right, or indeed the one comment above with the "alternative title" as opposed to the, uh, NO comments which preceded it, and which, due to the Mods lax attitude, hadn't been approved and therefore was not visible when I posted the question.

Although I dont expect this will get posted, but we'll see.

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Rob Holmes

Coma Equals Futon

The anagram Coma Equals Futon actually makes more sence than Quantum of Solace.

What in gods name does that even MEAN?!?

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DC Comics to kill off Batman?

Rob Holmes

@ Matt

"But, I guess I can see the problem. What new powers does one bestow on these characters that hasn't already been done before?"

I submit the characters Wonderboy and Young Nasty Man to the house!

As for powers? Well, how about the power of flight? That do anything for you? Thats levitation, homes! Or how about the power to kill a Yak? From two hundred yards away? With MIND BULLETTS?!?

Or, you know, whatever floats your boat.

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Terry Pratchett has Alzheimer's

Rob Holmes

@ Paul

Well everyone knows Million to one chances crop up nine times out of ten.

Seriously though, terrible news, why does this always happen to the talented people who are genuinely nice?

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BT Vision misses customer targets (by a shedload)

Rob Holmes

How reliable is BT Vision?

I ask because I did consider getting BT Vision about 2 months ago. However I eventually decided against it because the BT Broiadband line speed is unreliable to say the least and I didnt fancy the idea of loading it up with TV signals too.

In the end, I went for Sky, it was cheaper and we already had a dish on the house, so installation too less than half an hour. More improtantly though the technology is well proven to work 99.9% of the time.

Maybe when I hear more about the reliability or otherwise of the BT Vision service I'll change my mind.

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'I'll be back' is most-quoted movie line

Rob Holmes

@ Chris Irvine

God dammit, passes, I remember now! In fairness its been about 10 years since I last watched that video.

*Vows to find somewhere that will sell him a new VCR*

And wheres the transformers posting icons?!?

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Rob Holmes

We don't need to show you no steeenkin' badges

Its not exactly a mis-quote, its a mis-source. This line was spoken as "Badges? We dont need no steeenking badges!", complete with suspect Mexican accent in "Blazing Saddles", in the Hedly (Heddy?) Lamarr army recruitment scene.

Yes, it probably was supposed to be a spoof from Treasure of the Sierra Madre, but there you are.

A

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Rob Holmes

Probably a Double Post, but...

The line "Badges? Badges? We dont need to show you no stinking badges!" Was also said by StarScream in the original Transformers cartoon series (Ghost in the Machine, I believe the ep was).

There you go, accurate quote, and something of a techy angle at the same time (Robots, vehicles and so on. Anyone? No? Right then, where did I leave that coat?)

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Sun: MoD has Bond/Potter/Klingon cloaking device

Rob Holmes
Joke

Lexus can already do this

Has no-one seen the new hybrid advert? Surely the MoD is well behind on this issue. Maybe the next major British tank will be built by Lexus, have a really quiet angine and be a hybrid, so better for the planet too.

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Dogs blast hunter with shotgun

Rob Holmes
Dead Vulture

To paraphrase...

...Terry Pratchett -

"What have I told you about Mr. Saftey Catch?"

"When Mr. Saftey Catch is not on, Mr [in this case] Rifle is not my friend."

Sage advice I feel.

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Flaming kamikaze squirrel torches car

Rob Holmes
Joke

@Nick Pettefar and Peter D'Hoye

Well you know what the build quality is like on American cars, I'm sure a flaming squirrel would fit between the frankly rediculous panel gaps left by the shoddy manufacturing process.

;-)

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BOFH: Damsels in distress

Rob Holmes

Re First Class

By Matt Webster

Posted Friday 10th August 2007 11:42 GMT

Another first class episode!

Speaking of which... "the uniformed woman striding down from first class"

You mean to say that with all their wit and cunning they only flew economy class

....

Not according to the very first line in the episode.....

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US reclaims world hotdog scoffing crown

Rob Holmes

Thats a lot of hot dogs...

I couldn't actually comprehend just how much food this was, so I had to break it down (theres always someone who does this, so it may as well be me this time):

66 hot dogs in 12 minutes

= five and a half hot dogs every minute

= one hot dog in just under 11 seconds.

I cant eat a bread bun that quickly, let alone one with fake sausage in it and sauce on top. What do they do for an encore? Drink a quarry-dumptruck full of cola in twenty seconds?

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So what's in a URL? The Reg URL?

Rob Holmes

.co.uk!

Please keep the .co.uk extension. Its nice for everyone who comes along to know that all the funny / informative articles they are reading are coming from a British source, instead of some androgynous, nationality-free entity.

.co.uk all the way!

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Tesco's old timers get yoof slang pamphlet

Rob Holmes

Whatever happened to...

Whatever happened to having cancer on ones oddy-knocky, followed by goolying out with ones droogs in search of ptitsas, getting pyahnitsa, crasting cutter, and having a jolly good drat?

The molodoy ones today eh?

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Enraged AC Milan fan eBays goalie Dida

Rob Holmes

This is not Hockey...

"Thirty-three-year-old netminder Dida has been taking a bit of stick of late..."

Netminder?!? I dont know if you noticed but this is an article on Football, therefore the term is "Goalkeeper", "'keeper" or "Goalie".

Americanisations everywhere, I dont know...

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UK crematoria eye heavyweight incinerators

Rob Holmes

How does this affect...

...the governments position on regulating our carbon footprint as part of their "green" drive? I dont know what the current plans are, but the last I heard they intended to hand out carbon-credits for people.

Does this mean that before we die, we're going to have to plant trees / use planes and cars less / switch off all our lights permanently to offset the carbon released when its finally time to light the terminal touch-paper?

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500 dead in Hungarian motorway lapine bloodbath

Rob Holmes

RE: A net gain?

<quote>By now the 4,000 escaped rabbits will have replaced the departed bunnies, in the natural way. But then again, if it was my job to transport thousands of rabbits by truck, I would ensure that the male and females rabbits were shipped separately. A mixed-sex rabbit cargo would be a recipe for disaster.</quote>

Im not so sure about that, I mean, if you ship them together, the lorry will start off lighter, thereby reducing use of fuel (reduce carbon footprint, save the planet, hug a tree, etc) and you have more rabbits for sale at the other end.

Making money every way up....

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US nailguns itself towards extinction

Rob Holmes

...

I dont think so. Possibly that being stupid enough to shoot yourself with a machine you're only meant to used when its pressed firmly against the surface you are nailing is disease-worthy.

Most nailguns wont even fire unless firmly pressed against a solid surface. How do you "accidentally" shoot yourself with one?

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Plastic surgeon sucks out belly dancer's buttock

Rob Holmes

Does she have an other half?

You can imagine the comments she'll get from the other half now cant you? He'll get in from a long day at work, and find the washing up isnt done or something and come out with something like, "Well thats a bit of a half-arsed job isnt it? Whats the matter, could you not be arsed?"

Taxi? Taxi!

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Man claims to have made love to over 30 cars

Rob Holmes

And its down

Reg readers successfully take down another small website on a friday afternoon. In just two hours (maybe less) Geocities has locked the site, stating exeeded bandwidth usage limit as the cause.

Well done people!

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Rob Holmes

MTV

Well, we know what MTV's next series of "Pimp My Ride" is going to involve, dont we?

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British forces auction old kit online

Rob Holmes

.

They should have called it M.O.D-bay, em oh dee - bay? geddit?

I'll get me coat.

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