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* Posts by Louis Cowan

84 posts • joined 27 Feb 2007

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Brit firm to demo serious flying robo-saucer in 2009

Louis Cowan

Where's the steering wheel?

A little bit bigger, a stool glued on top, and I'd have my ideal way of getting in to work in the morning

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Aussie has answer to save Earth from asteroid attack

Louis Cowan

Simple answer

Leak a memo saying it's full of oil. Someone somewhere will have it hollowed out to a thin shell in no time

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Prof says fatties a bigger menace than bin Laden

Louis Cowan

hrm

Fatties, no, they're only a danger to themselves. The real problem is the complete lack of disrespect and plummeting social standards. Bring back the birch! In fact, let the fatties birch them!

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Louis Cowan
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d'oh

"complete lack of disrespect".

Obviously I'm an indication of failing educational standards too!

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Intel releases USB 3.0 controller interface spec

Louis Cowan
Thumb Up

@vincent

Lets just hope these speeds don't fall schwartz of the mark

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Jobs in 'Apple not perfect' shock

Louis Cowan
Alert

Mike

You just gave my brain a BSOD. Congratulations.

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Cheque-red flag for Max Mosley

Louis Cowan
Thumb Up

"Cheque-red"

Who(m?)ever wrote that headline should be dragged out at dawn and shot.

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Volcanoes fingered in oceanic mass extinction

Louis Cowan
Thumb Up

Titter!

I was drinking in a bar with a few of my mates and somehow the conversation got around to shower habits. He was horrified to find out exactly how much me and my other mate washed of ourselves.

"You actually wash... your volcano???" he asked. Hence the laugh when I read that headline :)

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BBC must reveal EastEnders costs

Louis Cowan

Loss of custom to other companies

I wonder how many other companies (such as Microsoft, Nintendo, Sony, ITV, Sky, Virgin Media etc) are losing business through people refusing to own a TV due to a compulsory TV tax (which is all going to the BBC)?

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Louis Cowan
Unhappy

telly licence

I'm fed up paying for these BBC execs giving themselves their annual wage again in annual bonuses. The BBC used to be respectable, but after seeing these fools award themselves so much money, the sooner it's dismantled, the better

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Monitor your data center with a coffee mug-sized server

Louis Cowan

remote working

Why can't the administrator without this device log in remotely to fix the problem? Why are there flowers all of a sudden?? Does the monitoring server do this?

Do they sell robo-gardeners?

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Street View spycar prowls Inverness

Louis Cowan
Thumb Up

TeeCee

TeeCee, there was some Scandanavian guy who recently send a GPS device on a massive journey through DHL, simply to draw a picture with the returned co-ordinates. Many people thought this was brilliant, personally I thought it was a massive waste of resources. Much like Formula 1 racing, actually. This streetview stuff which Google is doing might actually have a few benefits, as well as being quite interesting. Paul Talbot above manages to say what I was trying to say earlier, but much more succinctly

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Google's spycar revs up UK privacy fears

Louis Cowan
Unhappy

Nonsense

Typical red tape. So what if it's used for commercial purposes? It's not like they're taking your face and turning it into their logo. If I can walk down the street and see the same as what these street cars would see, then what's the difference? That woman with the thong - what's the difference if it's with my own eyes or through google streetview? Same with the dude pissing - if he's willing to be in public like that, then why would he claim it was an invasion of privacy if someone took a photo of him?

If people are scared to be seen then they shouldn't bother leaving the house in the morning

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BOFH: The admin gene

Louis Cowan
Happy

Beeps

Yea, I think I might have this gene too. My head turns at the sound of only 4 beeps rather than 5 and it takes me a couple of seconds before I even know why my head's pointing down that particular corridor.

Some people seem to have an aura too - when all they need do is appear, before the naughty computer stops acting up - anyone else noticed this? Makes me feel a bit like NeoJesus

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'Anaconda' 200m rubber snake generator scheme gets funding

Louis Cowan
Stop

anacondas

Surely this constitutes some form of cruelty??

Think how scabby these things will look when covered in barnacles and crabs. How will I ever be able to paddle again...

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Duff UK nukes risk 'popcorn' multi-blast accident apocalypse

Louis Cowan

Next Rockstar title

Grant theft nuclear paedo terrorist. Can't wait!

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Gamers not social misfits, after all

Louis Cowan
Thumb Up

Wow addiction

I'll admit it, I was a wow addict. Going cold turkey from this game was one of the hardest things I ever did - I wouldn't say I was a hardcore addict, but maybe 3/4 nights a week I would spend anything between 3 and 6 hours on it. It got to the point where my relationship with my missus, my diet, my work and even my health were suffering and it was very hard to admit to myself that the cause of these problems was the game.

Saying that, I agree with the above poster, "Jack" - games take more heat from the media than television does. They'll shriek like banshees when some criminal act is committed by a gamer, but will quite happily air shows like Dexter which shows pretty horrific scenes of mutilation.

From my time in Wow I met a few pretty cool people, and even travelled down to London to meet up with them. This game actually acted as social lubrication; how anyone can suggest that gamers are social misfits is beyond me.

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Heathrow T5 security tackles Transformers t-shirt threat

Louis Cowan
Stop

quite terrifying really

They'll sell discounted booze and fags before you board, are quite happy to have officers armed with sub-machine guns patrol the grounds, but have a t-shirt with a cartoon gun on it and you're reprimanded??? Seems like there is a sinister book of rules we should all be following, written by shadowy figures in power, which people are supposed to know...

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SpaceShipOne firm to build Stealth Bomber 4.0?

Louis Cowan
Flame

Bombing

Why not just apply the stealth technology directly to the missile? The ranges of these things are pretty much enough to cover the surface of the planet these days anyway...

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BBC website suits slapped for cash splurge

Louis Cowan
Pirate

Re:AC

You might be happy to pay for it, but I'm certainly not! The TV licence is the REAL modern day piracy, and it needs to end.

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Deadly Oz snake bites tourist's todger

Louis Cowan
Alert

I'd do the same if I was a snake

Think about it. The man squats down to relieve himself. Obviously this means a number two, as no self respecting man with squat to Pee.

Now think about it - the snake obviously never approached from the front, otherwise he'd be doing the trouser-round-the-ankles-shuffle that I'm sure we've all done at some point. Therefore, we can only assume that the snake has come from behind. Now, as our victim was executing a number two, one can only imagine how insulted the poor snake would feel to have a lump of turd land on it. Unfortunately for the man, the snake was in the perfect position to exact revenge, which it did.

The only advice we can glean from this - only poo from great heights.

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Electrosticky droid boffin in spider-gecko tech bitchslap

Louis Cowan

excellent title!

"Electrosticky droid boffin in spider-gecko tech bitchslap

Robo-thopter spy bat 'gargoyle mode' cracked?"

These headings just get better and better. Not had a tea-spitting event for a while now!

Sounds like the mad rantings of an enthusiastic child genius

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Petrol stations deploy anti-theft stingers

Louis Cowan
Flame

Good idea

Instead of spikes, why not just have a pneumatic lifting device positioned under the middle of where the car would park, which would lift the vechile about 1 inch off the ground, enough so that the tyres don't touch?

Could be used every time the pumps are, wouldn't cause any damage should the system fail, would mean that people who "accidentally" forget to pay don't come seeking compensation for burst tyres etc, and would mean that cars aren't released until their petrol is paid for?

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Man barred from posting crimes on YouTube

Louis Cowan
Unhappy

madness

It's like someone walking down a town centre shouting "I've just killed my cat" being told to stop shouting.

Serious repercussions need to be felt by these criminals. Bare cells, no TVs, proper sentences, hard labour - any of the above!

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Teapot backdoor probed by German telescope boffins

Louis Cowan

Helmets

This is what it's going to come down to, isn't it :|

http://holamun2.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/10/toshiba-bubble-helmet.jpg

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Metal Storm in further grenade-gasm tests, paper issues

Louis Cowan

Something I'm missing

Wouldn't the front projectile be taking the brunt of the wind resistance, and therefore be knocked out of kilter by the one right behind it?

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Chinese boffins show off unbelievably tight ring

Louis Cowan
Flame

boat/char

To all those who corrected me - thanks for reminding me of the nightmare that was chemistry!

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Louis Cowan

chair?

From memory, when the uppy-downy bits at the edge occur round a benzene ring, it's referred to as a chair - this has a similar shape.

I'll bet the creators of this didn't count on the rest of the world comparing their creation to furniture and jewellery :)

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Business suit tailored to reflect phone radiation

Louis Cowan
Happy

Tasering

Just as someone earlier mentioned that this won't help when you have your mobile phone at your ear, I'm sure this suit won't be much use should the cops taser you in the face...

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Grand Theft Auto 4 queue man stabbed in head

Louis Cowan

All about timing

Hrm, you can either:

- allow your kids to grow through their teenage years with no limits or boundaries, still disciplining them but not shielding them away from modern life, or

- restrict your kids access to anything deemed by some censorship body as "inappropriate", stoke their curiousity up until the day they turn 18, at which point the parent loses guardianship and has no control over their child whatsoever..

I grew up through the first one and I'm a fairly well rounded individual - never committed a crime, but been exposed to depravity, filth, crime etc through tv and video games. And when I have kids, I'll expose them to it too - it's when they learn the most and start developing their personalities.

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Louis Cowan
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Balls!

So 2 people are injured and they're blaming it on this game, trying to ban it??

How many people have died through football violence/hooliganism? Should we ban that too? I'd think that would take a higher priority :|

The namby pamby wrist-wringers can bugger off back to happyland and leave the real people to their real lives and stop trying to interfere.

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Astroboffins moot massive Moon-mirror heliograph

Louis Cowan

Heat

Would heating up the surface of the planet do us any good? Maybe on an uninhabited planet, covering one of it's moons with these mirrors would be a good way of warming up the surface, priming it for visitors, but not sure how this would help us here on earth :|

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Canadian geeks to turn off the tech

Louis Cowan
Happy

Re: jeffypooh

Jeffy,

do you by any chance work in an old folk's home??

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Louis Cowan
Go

Sounds tough

Does this apply to pacemakers??

In all seriousness, I do agree with the idea - a fair few too many people I know are living an overly sedentary lifestyle, and when the suggestion of doing something outdoors is aired to them, you can see the disgust in their face at the very notion of stepping outdoors and in amongst that green stuff that comes out of the ground. I live with one person who's addicted to TV, and one of my best mates is addicted to Guild Wars.

I used to be the same; I could once be found spending from dusk til dawn playing Heroes of Might and Magic, and eventually, raiding in World of Warcraft. I admit - I got completely addicted to it, and it was only when confronted by my missus with a pretty stern ultimatum did I give it up. Cold turkey is hard but fast, and it was only about 2/3 days after I gave it up that I realised that there's a whole world out there to see and experience.

So, er... yea! Go outside! Go sniff trees, pat dogs, climb hills, jump streams and be chased by bulls. It's better that going pale through lack of sunlight!

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West Yorks rolls out cop cams, ignoring plod nod probs

Louis Cowan

hang on

"People have been far more ready to plead guilty once they have seen footage of themselves committing their crime."

So the cops will be there watching these criminals at the time of the offence??? Bullfwaps!

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Oldham murders owl with whalesong

Louis Cowan

Oldham redone

http://www.ironwoodpigsanctuary.org/images/ziggy1.jpg

There. 5 secs. A bit of jiggery pokery with photoshop, you can have that old pigs head as a logo.

I expect the cheque is in the post - what ho!

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US student planned to ice Chuck Norris

Louis Cowan
Black Helicopters

Terrortard

Seems like the only people we have to fear are those who are supposedly protecting us from those who we're supposed to fear!

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Japanese carrier to test smell-o-vision phone kit

Louis Cowan
Flame

Could be interesting

Prank calls would be hilarious - I'd be constantly ring up my mates and farting down the phone at them!

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Mobile snap murderer jailed for life

Louis Cowan
Pirate

Alcatraz

While we can't carry out the death sentence, as human beings we just can't, there's no reason why we can't just ship these idiots onto a big fenced-off island and leaving them to fend for themselves for the rest of their natural lives, is there? Like in that Ray Liotta classic "No Escape"

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Brown: Jack Bauer spook horde to tackle terrorism

Louis Cowan
Flame

safe?

Safe from what? Neds/chavs? Hrm, no I don't think so. Terrorists? Pfft, more people die shaving

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Terry Pratchett donates £500k to Alzheimer's charity

Louis Cowan

donations

I've donated to Diabetes UK - I don't have diabetes, but my father does - does this make my donation any less altruistic?

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Wikileaks exposes Scientology's zeal to 'clean up rotten spots of society'

Louis Cowan
Black Helicopters

@Chris Bradshaw

Isn't that a bit like selling your soul... well, not selling.. err. Renting your soul??

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'Magnet boy' freezes Xbox

Louis Cowan

re: floppy disk destroyers

When you say your BF touches the disk, do you mean he touches them with his hands, or a big spiky hammer?

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Bill Gates loses richest man crown

Louis Cowan
Thumb Up

Gates loathed?

Bit extreme, is it not?

Granted many people may not be enthralled with his products or the direction his organisation has taken, but to call him the most loathed planet surely smacks a little of the old lynch mob mentality?

No man is perfect ('cept me), and of course Bill has his flaws, but the man has brought computing to the forefront of technology and has changed the way the world conducts business, research, leisure. Walk down the street and pretty much everyone you see has had some form of business with him.

And don't forget his philanthropic gestures - he's one of the most generous rich folk out there. One has to wonder if he would still be the richest man on the planet if he wasn't so generous...

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AI prof: The robot terrorists are coming! Aiee!

Louis Cowan

runbots

why do we even bother with running machines? Surely hovering machines would have a much easier time

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Enraged vegan spitroasts Reg hack

Louis Cowan
Happy

Colon? PAH!

Lester Haines don't need no stinkin' colon, he has his exosuit to deal with all his important bodily functions!

http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/2005/08/08/lester-haines.jpg

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US may shoot down spy sat to safeguard tech secrets

Louis Cowan

re:self destruct

Good point that they can't actually contact the satellite; maybe their self destruct mechanism should be set to go off if, after 24 hours, a signal isn't received?

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Holocube introduces '3D' display gizmo

Louis Cowan
Thumb Down

Alton Towers

I'm pretty sure they used this technique in the Haunted House in Alton Towers... And the old arcade games....

Who's gonna be the first one to buy one of these little boxes of naff?

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Bunker-nobbling US megabomb test delayed

Louis Cowan
Thumb Up

Muha!

Cover the bunker in trampolines!

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US Navy to test fire electric hypercannon

Louis Cowan

Re: Shore Bombardment (?)

John, you're assuming the ship will simply be "afloat". Did you see the article on the chinese wind-farm planting ship with six legs? Imagine those legs being 500m tall...

Sounding more and more like War of the Worlds, eh? :)

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