* Posts by Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

1130 posts • joined 28 Sep 2007

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IT consultant gets 4 years' porridge for tax fraud

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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FTFY...

Colin Spinks, assistant director of the Fraud Investigation Service, HMRC, said: “Khan has to pay the price for his deliberate attempts to steal money from UK taxpayers – money that could have been used to fund vital public services." But went on to add that "...most likely wasn't used that way however as we just bandy this term about to hide our own inability to correctly manage money. More likely is that the money was actually spunked on a failed IT project, some no-name MPs expenses, or used to crowd fund a missile that we ultimately fired at unarmed brown people somewhere in the Middle East".

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Brexit and data protection: A period of shock and reflection

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Well...

I think from a personal / home user / SOHO perspective the view has to be to start thinking about tough encryption on as many forms of electronic communications as possible. Yes I agree with the article that to do business with the EU in the future we'll need to maintain privacy standards, but what about separate standards when dealing with the US for example? We've all seen Teresa Mays vision of the future, and the recent roughriding over personal privacies as demonstrated by the FBI and other court rulings - and neither fill me with any joy. Even less now that we will not necessarily in the future enjoy the protections we have enjoyed previously and up until now under the EU.

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From Watson Jr to Watson AI: IBM's changed, and Papa Watson wouldn't approve

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Oooh Oooh I can answer this...

"What difference will there be between IBM and an Indian outsourcing company such as Wipro?"

From my perspective of having inherited both as 3rd party SI's on large scale SAP and ERP implementations my answer is thus:

The difference is that IBM are only slightly less shit and clueless than Wipro when it comes to (A) the quality of thought capital, (B) the understanding of and adherence to contractual terms, (C) planning and management, and (D) execution.

Can I get my 5 points and cuddly toy now?

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Germany: If Brits vote to Remain, we'll admit Hurst's 1966 goal was a goal

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Dear Germany...

I don't give a stuff about a game played 50 years ago. However, I will be persuaded to remain if you guarantee that whenever I go to Egypt, your citizens will stop laying towels over all of the holiday sunloungers at 6am and then deciding to not turn up at the pool until 11am to claim them.

I in return (even though this will be at the expense of much personal amusement at the sound of stroppy Germans) will promise to stop removing these aforementioned towels, and I will also cease giving them back to the pool attendant as unwanted or disregarded. I will note that this whole negotiation could have been avoided if your citizens stopped seeming to want to impose their own rules on everyone else, and abided by those already in place that serve for the benefit of everyone.

Deal? Deal.

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Virgin Media goes TITSUP* in South London due to painful piles

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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When will those groundworks planners learn...

When will they learn to not measure these sites out using such obscure units such as the metre. It is well understood that large groundworks should be measured by the reference Diplodocus or London bus measures.

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Sneaky brown dwarf gives us a bright flash and astroboffins are confused

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Typical of your carburettor based stars...

Twin Weber 40's I'll bet. Just spray some Quick Start into the air intakes and hold the choke out. She'll go eventually.

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Why everyone* hates Salesforce's Marc Benioff

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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As Bob Dylan wrote...

"You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows..."

I was going to write a rambling response to this article but I'll just sum it up in that I think that there is a tendency to overstate the fears that technology will replace everyone and everything as stated. This IMHO is a very inward looking perspective and certainly not representative of where I live or the services that I use to move through my life. What these self aggrandising "new-tech" *cough* leaders people seem to forget to do is to actually look outside and see if what they are saying actually correlates in any way to ACTUAL reality. And generally I would profess, the answer is no, it doesn't.

So, in summation : Better stay away from those that carry around a fire hose.

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Our CompSci exam was full of 'typos', admits Scottish exam board

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Brilliant...

Because every day in my career in IT I am confronted by the thundering realities of having to understand the weight of a tablet. I'm genuinely interested in undertanding (A) what the full question related to that news snippet is, and (B) what possible reason it has doing on a formal Computer Science exam paper?

The Indians in Mumbai must be laughing their collective asses off.

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Q: Is it wrong to dress as a crusader for an England match?

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Vin-da-loo, vin-da-loo...

Seriously, our team as usual will be out and back home again before anyone has had a chance to get remotely offended.

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That didn't take long: Shareholders sue Oracle in 'fake cloud sales' row

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Dear Oracle...

Some guy by the name of Jeff Skilling called... he heard there might be a job going for him and a CFO type chap he knows?

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Don't go chasing waterfalls, please stick... Hang on. They're back

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Elmer FUD!!!

Yes the answer is always hybrid. But of course it depends on the scope and scale of the project. By all means use an Agile sprint method or scrum organisation structure to deliver key and core work packages, but on large multi stage development projects and programmes, these need to sit under a waterfall stage driven structure because it gives the Sponsors, Programme board, PEs and other steering group rerpresentatives the comfort that the programme has a clearly defined structure and approach, and because looking at a large project in high level stages, and being able to track key milestones against those stages is how it works for those seniors whose necks are on the blocks to influence and deliver.

Let the PM manage the project, and let the scrum-master or whichever unfortunate has been nominated to make it work, manage the work package driven sprints. All of which sits beneath the key stage plan.

The guy in the article claiming some mutual exclusivity of methods obviously isn't delivering change projects to the size and scale that a lot of PMs do (or maybe he just has a lumberjack shirt and a beard and makes it all up as he goes along?)

If you have staff that treat your corporate systems as their own, and refuse to adapt to new methods - then they need to be released. You will feel some pain but in the long term that issue should have been identified, and be actively managed with a contingency plan.

It's not rocket science. It's really really isn't.

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England just not windy enough for wind farms, admits renewables boss

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Tidal

IIRC the feasibility study into the Severn barrage tidal power system recommended that tidal wasn't viable due to cost, timelines and environmental impact, suggesting that nuclear and wind were better options in terms of meeting the 2020 and 2050 targets. Not sure where it went after that.

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Mars One puts 100 Red Planet corpses colonists through fresh tests

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Sod that...

I think I'll stay here on planet Earth thanks. I'd be itching to get away from everyone else and either out for a run or out on my bike ASAP after launch. My strategy is to wait until you are all nicely settled in that lovely cosy B-Ark, and then claim Hampshire as my own nation state once you've all departed.

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Geek's Guide to Britain – now a book. Permission to geek out granted

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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What have the Britons ever done for us...

Apart from jet engines, the internet, medicine, electricity, mass communications…

Badgers spleen anyone?

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King Tut's iron dagger of extraterrestrial origin

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Re: Isn't, like everything on Earth, including Earth..

What about sausage rolls?

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Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Re: Alternative theory

Or a Maiar?

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Computex 2016: Full of people in cold sweats, retching after VR demos

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Re: RE : Lego is an obvious health and safety risk in the office.

Yes, I'd love a banana thanks. As long as it's a green one i.e. not Minion coloured... obvs.

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Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Flame

RE : Lego is an obvious health and safety risk in the office.

It's not Lego that's that the risk to my health and sanity in my office. It's Minions. Every other dodgy f**cker seems to have a f**king Minion on their desk. Including some of those I'd previously thought to be relatively sane of mind.

I f**king hate those yellow f**king Minions.

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Oracle pulled made-up cloud figures out of its SaaS – whistleblower

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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It's kind of what Enron did...

Although sightly different from a financial accounting perspective, it has the same feel to the Enron debacle. Look how that worked out...

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Top EU data cop slams Safe Harbor replacement as inadequate

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Still...

To all the knee-jerk Brexiters : How amazing to think that in a few weeks we won't have to worry about these regulatory inconveniences that protect our privacy because as soon as we leave the EU our lovely government will only be too happy to hand over whatever 'Ole Uncle Sam asks for. Marvellous!!!

Still, once the truth sinks in we can always blame the immigrants, the old people and those on benefits right?

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Brits don't want their homes to be 'tech-tastic'

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Typical PwC...

All of the questions. None of the answers.

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Labour asks for more concessions on the UK's Snoopers' Charter

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Re: Labour's "discomfort" over the Snoopers' Charter

I agree with you that the current state is due to Labours initiation of these bills. I am also no fan of either Andy Burnham, Labour, or the current Conservative government. But... in this case, would you rather that Andy Burnham was simply saying nothing? Or would you rather he continue to make noise to try to address the huge gaps in consistency and detail in this draft bill?

I get your point that in your mind he is damned if he does, and damned if he doesn't. But stories like this one at least give me the slight flicker of hope that this won't come to be law without some serious challenge from political opposition and other industry and private interested parties.

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Irish data cops kick Max Schrems' latest Facebook complaint up to EU Court

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Re: Don't worry...

I'm not sure it actually classifies as genuine sarcasm if you have to explain to your audience that your post contains sarcasm? Although I assume you end noted it as such for the benefit of our American friends; a noble but ultimately futile effort I fear.

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Microsoft's Windows Phone folly costs it another billion dollars

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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North Sea or Atlantic?

Which is it? I'm guessing you used Bing maps for advice?

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French authorities raid Google's Paris HQ over tax allegations

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Hmmm... Oxfam????

We just need to be clear that the use of the word "charity" is these days, for companies like Oxfam and Scope etc. just a banner for them to squirrel and retain a lot of money.

Take away the smokescreen of them being "registered charities" and all of the emotive blur that goes with the term, and you will find that they are for all intents and purposes multi-multi million pound businesses with all of the structure etc of other multi-multi million pound businesses.

I'm not suggesting that they do no good with their money, but I think they all need tighter scrutiny seeing the amounts they squander, and that the CEOs get paid.

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Blighty's Virgin Queen threatened with foreign abduction

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Why do we need 3 of them?

I'm sure if we're that bothered then someone will cough up the cost of a medical wing for it.

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Salesforce slaps UK Enterprise customers with 40% price hike

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Marketing speil costs money...

And someone has to stop those unfortunate marketing folks from going hungry.

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Shakes on a plane: How dangerous is turbulence?

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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But in this case the answer to Betteridge's law is... yes.

But that "yes" is wrapped up in a secondary question of "what type of plane?"

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Flying filers and Game of Thrones: Jon Snow? No, latency is dead

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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"...and produce top quality visuals"

And fair play... what a ream of top quality visuals have you produced. GoT seems to be outdoing itself in terms of production design and VfX at every single turn.

Season 5, episode 8 : Hardhome - IMHO, quite possibly the greatest episode of TV I have ever had the pleasure of watching.

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India roasts as mercury hits 51°C

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Those Indians should be very wary...

As its been reported as fact that it will reach 58.7 degress if Britain leaves the EU.

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A UK digital driving licence: What could possibly go wrong?

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Facepalm

My guru lives uptown...

"Paco Garcia, CTO of UK identity verification startup Yoti, said (somewhat excitedly, as he'd never been asked for a soundbite before) that "digital driving licences had the potential to make identification process easier and more time efficient, whilst keeping the end user secure. The speculative plans from the DVLA to potentially introduce digital driving licenses showcases the ever-evolving need for innovative solutions within the online space.""

Wow. What insight.

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Africa poses for 7,000 snap mosaic

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Poor old Cape town...

Buried under a pile of black splodge.

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Hmmm, where should I dump those unencrypted password files? I know - OneDrive

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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My thoughts entirely...

How did they get this, ahem... data? Presumably all of the Microsoft cloud customers gave their permission for them to go snooping around?

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Remember when gov.uk said it would give big biz contracts to SMEs?

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Like all statistics, they are biaised on the authors viewpoint...

Happy to hear that more work is going to SME's. But I would be highly suspect (considering the lengthy and bureaucratic procurement processes involved) that a large proportion of these smaller SME's are actually smaller subsidiary companies of existing larger IT behemoths. Yes, you may well have signed a direct contract for a discreet piece of work with SME 'A', but knowing full and well that SME 'A' is actually engaged under an existing enterprise supplier framework agreement with "approved" existing behemoth 'B'.

Considering the requirement for all public works estimated to be over £325k'ish to be subject to a lengthy and protracted ITT process, I can understand why; but it still skews the stats.

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Microsoft and SAP renew business vows in cloud

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Cool.

I feel my next 10 years of SAP integration and implementation fees coming on.

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Chaps make working 6502 CPU by hand. Because why not?

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Because retro is the new future...

Well done those lads.

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US schoolkids deploy Earth-watching CubeSat

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Well done those kids...

If that doesn't ignite a future interest in the sciences then nothing will.

So Nicky Morgan... what is it you have our kids doing again???

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Adpocalypse 'will wipe out display ad growth' by 2020

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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"Leathern is optimistic"

Thanks. I'm just as optimistic that Optimal, like 90% of the other so called "web middlemen" (read : web parasites) will be out of business within the year.

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Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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If we are talking "ethics" let's just draw our lines clearly...

Re : “ethical ad blocking”

There is absolutely nothing "un-ethical" about ad-blocking.

Thanks.

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GCHQ's Twitter move: Wants to be 'accessible', people to 'understand'

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Stockholm syndrome?

First you rape us.

Now you want us to love you?

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Exercise apps track you after you stop exercising

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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I just don't understand all the negativity...

I don't understand all the negativity with apps of this type, they are brill. I can go and either swim, bike or run... post it on Strava and then everything is brill because all of my friends can see how cool I am at "fitness" and I can get loads of likes and stuff and everything is brill.

Brill!!!!

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Gov to pull plug on online ID verification portal Gateway in 2018

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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To be fair...

Unless I've misread something, I don't think that the article states that the intent is to do away any of the services that sit behind Gov.Gateway such as self assessment etc, or the business services such as VAT or Corp. tax returns. So...

Does it need streamlining... yes.

Are the UIs awful and inconsistent... yes.

Are the methods of gaining the Gateway IDs in the first place is a bit of a faff... yes.

Then again... do the services generally function to complete the purposes at hand... yes.

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Quadsys Five: Judge dismisses abuse of process application

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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But what happens in 5 years time...

When it comes to light that there has been a miscarriage of justice (highly unlikely I admit) and after a re-trial it turns out that they are not actually guilty of the major charges after all?

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Aussie wedges spam javelin in ring spanner

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Ouch!!!

That picture.

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Big Pharma wrote EU anti-vaping diktat, claims Tory ex-MEP

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Seems to me...

Seems to me that neither side of the argument REALLY wants the status quo to change. There is far too much money involved in providing people with tobacco products to smoke. There is also far too much money involved in providing products, solutions and therapies and all manner of other related shit to try to get people to stop smoking tobacco products (non of which really work en masse).

HMRC just sits in the middle and creams off of both. If this wasn't the case then it would just be made illegal to supply.

As for the e-cigarette... I've managed to kick tobacco products completely, am now on 0% liquid, so am now just slowly eradicating the habit. It has worked for me. That opinion however is just no good for sustaining big corporate revenues.

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Blocking ads? Smaller digital publishers are smacked the hardest

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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404 : This title does not exist.

"Analyst firm Juniper Research has stared into its crystal ball and predicted that digital publishers stand to lose over $27bn (£18bn) by 2020 due to ad-blocking."

And why is that a bad thing?

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EU vetoes O2 and Three merger: Hutchison mulls legal challenge

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Fud!!!

"We strongly believe that the merger would have brought major benefits to the UK, not only by unlocking £10bn of private sector investment in the UK’s digital infrastructure but also by addressing the country’s coverage issues."

Which based on previous mergers directly correlates to higher customer bills and less ability for those customers to directly complain about them.

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Archaeologists find oldest ever ground-edge stone axe

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Interesting, but...

I got my axe at B&Q for £17.99. No advanced archaeology required.

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At the BBC, Agile means 'making it up as we go along'

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
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Unhappy

Just "wow"...

Who the hell is running this stuff and where on Earth did they learn to do projects and programmes?

This sort of story entirely justifies my decision to consciously change how much, and how I watch TV services to avoid having to purchase a TV licence.

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