* Posts by Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

937 posts • joined 28 Sep 2007

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Jailed Brit con phishes prison, gets bail

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
FAIL

It's no suprise the staff fell for it...

The only pay those G4 types by the hour.

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Home Office awards Raytheon £150m over e-borders cancellation

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
FAIL

Honestly...

Even as a work of fiction this utter farce would appear far-fetched.

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Google dangles $70m before new CFO to lure her from Wall Street

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

Wowsers. That's some package...

...a lady said to me the other day.

In other news that's a hell of an offer. Makes my day rate look miserable - and I bet I do the same hours as well.

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Labour has a pop at the government over missed GDS targets

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

RE : "Encountering serious IT problems."

Excuse me, but it is very rarely "IT" that is the problem on these large multi-year, multi-multi-million pound, 3rd party / SI party led programmes. The issue is normally that the fundamental prerequisites such as agreeing scope, putting in place the management controls, adequate requirements gathering and business analysis, and at least some modicum of level 1 design not having been completed and agreed before firing the gun on technical delivery - that is the issue.

It is usually "IT" that inherits the problem*.

Unfortunately, being "SI led" a lot of these big organisations get blinded by the benefits of the "agile method" - but get to hear none of the cons or prerequisites that still need to be in place to control it.

* - Thats's not to say IT are totally blameless all the time. I myself once tried to connect a PX11IES into a SUNZI RZ_11BXY before enabling the webmethods interface between R11a and the R/3 module. Boy that was a tough day. But we laughed... eventually.

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BT fined £800k over lax emergency text relay delay blunder

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

Perhaps the real reason was...

That BT couldn't hear them?

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Aged 18-24? Don't care about voting? Got a phone? Oh dear...

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

@ Dave30

I was going to make this point but you beat me to it. Have an upvote for your efforts.

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Attack of the Digital People: The BBC goes fully Bong

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

Excellent

It's exactly this kind of article that allows El Reg to win my lunchtime "browsing time".

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BBC: We'll give FREE subpar-Raspberry-Pis to a million Brit schoolkids

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

To balance the scales...

Those kids that have no interest in "coding"... what are the BBC giving them?

Because IT is just about coding and apps right?

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Bulk interception is NOT mass surveillance, says parliamentary committee

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

I think I'll find myself a small disconnected island somewhere...

"This new legal framework should be based on "explicit avowed capabilities", together with the authorisation procedures, privacy constraints, transparency requirements, targeting criteria, sharing arrangements, oversight, and other safeguards that apply to the use of those capabilities."

Yes, and and prior to Snowden we were told that mass surveillance and interception was not actually happening and where it was required, that any requirement for it was actually covered by a legal framework. Except it was happening, and it wasn't covered by anything other than a tangled web of supposed regulations, with none of them tested legally.

Overall, the problem here is that the public no longer believes anything these people say. Last I heard it was government by democracy, not dictatorship. Has it changed?

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Google's chief finance officer quits to go backpacking

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

If they are looking for a safe pair of financial hands...

Perhaps they should ask Andrew Fastow. I've heard he's available...

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UK spaceport, phase two: Now where do we PUT the bleeding thing?

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

I'm assuming the minimum it requires would be...

A local pub filled with scum and villainy, and an ION cannon with which to clear the way of other bigger and angrier spaceships.

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Lost WHITE CITY of the MONKEY GOD found after 500 years

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

Re : Bah!!!

If he was 'illed' - that explains what happened to that long lost Beastie boy.

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Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

Re : A forest 'of the first age'

So, Neldoreth in Beleriand then?

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HP gulps down Aruba Networks for $3bn

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

Oh Meg, what have you done...

"By combining Aruba's world-class wireless mobility solutions with HP's leading switching portfolio, HP will offer the simplest, most secure networking solutions to help enterprises easily deploy next-generation mobile networks."

And went on to add...

"Although I'd suggest you get your own professional services team to design, implement and support; as to be honest... we're just a little bit shit at that sort of thing."

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High Court: IBM staff refused pay increases can claim damages

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
Mushroom

Waaaaah!!!! Judge won't play ball :-(

"The Court has acknowledged IBM's right to make changes in its UK pension programmes, which encompasses IBM’s need to screw a proportion of the hard working and talented employees that allow us to compete in the fast-changing technology world, and thereby pay our US execs their obscene salaries."

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ANOTHER shake-up at HP Enterprise Services

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

Based on my recent unfortunate encouter with them...

What HP should have done is axe the whole management and technical delivery layer and employ people who actually know what they are doing.

An utter shambles of a PS division.

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NO ONE is making money from YouTube, even Google – report

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

You learn something every day...

I had no idea you could add a "-xxx" to a Google search to exclude key words and sites etc.

Thanks folks.

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Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
WTF?

No-one at all? But I thought...

That people were making gazillions of pounds posting videos of themselves playing and commenting on computer games, and posting shit videos of ugly cats and stuff???

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El Reg regains atomic keyring capability

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
Stop

Errr....

I'm pretty sure they sell exactly the same thing at the cash desk of Cotswolds outdoor in Chichester for £1.99.

/* Just saying... */

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Europol shuts down darn RAMNIT botnet

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
Mushroom

Gosport!

You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

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Vodafone didn't have a £6bn tax bill. Sort yourselves out, Lefties

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

Good article.

Thanks Tim. A very entertaining and informative read.

Just a point of opinion though - the Daily mail is not in the business of "news". It's in the business of selling comics to grown adults that really should know better.

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Game of Moans: Sky coughs to BORKED set top box BALLS-UP

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
FAIL

You couldn't make it up...

"Have you tried turning it off and on again, and just for added pointlessness - give the cables a bit of a jiggle".

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Virgin Media to splurge BEELLIONS on UK network infrastructure expansion

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
Meh

Hopefully they'll fix it...

So that the bandwidth that I'm supposedly paying for actually is available between 8 - 10 am and 6 - 9pm.

For all the crowing, VM are still pretty shit in terms of consistent bandwidth, but to be fair, very reliable in terms of service availability.

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Adobe and software pals haul Forever 21 to court over piracy allegations

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

Well...

"According to the companies’ filing with the US District Court of Northern California (available here – 12 page PDF), the amount of money they’ve lost in profits as a result of the copying has not yet been ascertained..."

... but as it's likely to be a minimum of 1 copy of something somewhere; that, at the very minimum must equate to around 100 gazeelion-beelion US restitutional dollars-worth of lost profit by the measure of some "friendly" West Texas kangaroo court.

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DDN chap throws in towel, taps on Accenture’s door

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
Meh

Hmmm, perhaps...

But in my experience, what Accenture say that they can deliver, and what they actually deliver without a whole herd of pain and politics, rarely reconcile.

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MAINFRAMES are SO NOT DEAD: IBM's launched a new one

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
Happy

Sexy

Similar to a lot of the older, higher-end Sun data centre kit; and as with other higher end i and z series kit from IBM - it certainly is easy on the eye.

Great to see that mainframe is alive and well.

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UNDER A VEST: Man cuffed for smuggling 94 iPhones strapped to his body

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse
FAIL

Just when I think humans can't get any more dumb...

Someone goes and raises (or in this case, lowers) the bar.

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Disney, McLaren and National Rail walk into bar: Barkeep, make me a Wearable

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

@ Kevin Johnston...

I believe there is already a company called INOV8 that make sports apparel.

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What an ACE-HOLE! This super-software will whip you at poker, hands down

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

Who is playing the role of the independent dealer here?

Who has independently audited that this poker playing computer doesn't know which cards have been dealt the human player?

The computer being both dealer and player in an online game would scare most players off.

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Erik Meijer: AGILE must be destroyed, once and for all

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

I'm a developer... WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

Geez you "developers" sound like a bunch of self interested whingers if these comments are anything to go by. Don't forget you are employed on a business project to deliver what they want, not the other way round. ANY form of project should be constrained by the limits of time, scope and cost, so what you should be referring to is Agile change management if it is regular ongoing development, not Agile Project management which should have a finite lifecycle.

Regardless - when you reflect on the amount of self interested whinging that gets done by developers, it isn't too hard a leap to understand why Programme and Project managers need to have these regular planning/scrum sessions to ensure that your focus remains the correct one and so that progress reporting is completed accurately.

As a developer, you might think that being "project managed" is beneath you; but I assure you... it is not, and you need to be.

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ALIEN EARTH: Red sun's habitable world spotted 470 light years away

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

Great... when will all of the marketing consultants be off there?

Presumably in the "B-ark"?

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THREE MILLION Moonpig accounts exposed by flaw

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

I find it helps to have nomadic reclusive tendencies...

The last thing I want to see over any form of public or other occasion are the mewing brattish faces of someone or their wife/husband/offspring/dog/cat/house/car etc that I either don't like or don't remember plastered on a last minute greetings card from this bunch of cowboys, or that other bunch of fuckwits Funky fucking pigeon (that I assume are either part of the same company or equally as shit when it comes to security).

/end_rant

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Banks, UK.gov must work together to beat cyber-nasties

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

But...

Nothing will change until the "actual" board are held accountable - publicly.

Whilst there is no excuse, it is normally some poor overworked sod in IT who has had his budget cut to the bare bones that takes the fall for these issues rather than the money grabbing fucktards at the very top.

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Satyam Computing Services founder jailed over $1.4 BILLION fraud

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

In his defence...

His defence was based around the statement of "well, I was only replicating what I learned at my US business school".

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Musicians sue UK.gov over 'zero pay' copyright fix

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

So how does Amazon "autorip" get away with it?

Last time I bought a CD from Amazon I was also able to download a digital copy for free.

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HP emails personal data of 1,000 CDS workers to 3rd party

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

HP...

Unsurprisingly shit.

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Guess what's missing from Ofcom's big MoD spectrum sale ... YEP, coverage obligation

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

What an absolute fucking scam...

"Here's a piece of air - we've labelled this particular one '3.2GHz' please give me a gazeeelion pounds for it."

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iBail: American Psycho actor Christian Bale rejects Steve Jobs role

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

RE : Jobs is not God, Apple is not heaven.

To be honest I chose to not cross a room to watch The Social Network, but ended up watching it by mistake on a flight anyway - and very much enjoyed it.

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Bill Gates, drugs and the internet: Top 10 Larry Ellison quotes

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

Love him or hate him...

In everything he's done he's always seemed like a guy who has put his money where his mouth is, so fair play to him.

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Moto 360: Neat gizmo – if you're a rich nerd

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

I was hopeful....

That the Apple watch would have function enough to be a replacement (with a decent app) for either the Garmin 910xt or Suunto Ambit. Seeing as they have well and truly missed that boat I've just bought the Ambit 3 which is functionally awesome.

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Fed-up bloke takes email spammers to court – and WINS PILE of CASH

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

Re: Pre-ticked opt-in boxes

"Like many people, I detest most direct marketing with a passion. However, I'm still at a loss to see which of the 3 points warrants the downvote."

Presumably having had the opportunity of a decent, albeit state funded education; but still starting your post by showing that you've effectively wasted that opportunity and ended up (by choice, presumably) in a marketing related job warrants the downvote.

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Need reminding how troubled Universal Credit is? MPA puts it in special 'reset' category

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

So...

"The "reset" category has been applied to the Universal Credit project."

Perhaps at the next election the public would be good enough to press the "reset" button on IDS.

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Wolfenstein: The New Order ... BLAM-BLAM! That guard did Nazi that coming

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

An honest question...

Do they have to change things to market this in Germany? I'm just asking as I really don't know the answer, and I'm not sure how these sorts of things go down in de Fazerland.

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JJ Abrams and Star Wars: I've got a bad feeling about this

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

Yes, but...

It's not just Abrams, and do I have some sympathy for him because whatever he does he will be hero to some and villain to others; but the media at large have to take some responsibility in hyping up these and other movies into states that they can never live up to.

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Brits to vote: Which pressing scientific challenge should get £10m thrown at it?

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

"Regular brits"

That's like, all of us right?

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Internet rejoices over Star Wars, um, clapboard pic

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

Well if this is the way it's starts...

By Twattering something as pointless as a clapperboard, you can rest assured that there will be no point in actually going to see the film when it's released as there will be absolutely no mystery left as to what it is or what it is about.

Shame.

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Cloud computing is FAIL and here’s why

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

Sorry, but you are incorrect Alistair.

Cloud computing is not FAIL. It is the future and you have to do it because that's what the "experts" are selling, and if you don't then unfortunately lots of advertising executives will go hungry.

And who wants to be responsible for that?

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$3.2bn Apple deal would make hip-hop mogul Dr Dre a BEEELLLIONAIRE

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

Re: Isn't Beats Audio just a funky way of saying...

"I paid too much for my headphones".

Agreed, but it also says that "I have no real interest in the actual fidelity of music".

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Cost-cutting Barclays bank swings axe on 5,600 IT and ops bods

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

'Ecky thump!!!!

Crikey... I'd love to see the business analyst or consultancy report that sits behind this re-org as I'm sure it would make for very interesting reading (yes I am being serious); and whilst I have every sympathy for those about to lose their jobs, I also have just about as much for those keeping or inheriting them.

I guess we'll just sit back and watch the fireworks. From a very safe distance.

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Virgin Media sales are a bit flat under the Cable Cowboy's reign

Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

Just me then...

Just me then that seems to be the only happy VM customer here?

When you consider that all of these companies are all pretty much the same, I had no problems with ordering, lead time, installation or ongoing service - in fact the two installers were two of the happiest and pleasant chaps I've met in a long time, and the 50Mb BB is reliable and quick.

The only downside to the whole shebang that I still have to pay a £13 monthly standing charge for a phone line that I never use.

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