If the bees an' 'unny ain't coming out of the bangers 'n mash machine it's down to the all time loser (or rub a dub) for a pig's ear or two, sat at a Cain and Abel and then ask for a few deep sea divers/Lady Godivers as cash back, (or a monkey, but beware of the Sweeney).
We need an icon saying: "translate that into English [American]"
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