I worked for a Canadian guy once, he was being sued by the receivers of a supplier who hadn't delivered what he had already paid for, and he was naturally stunned and somewhat aggrieved by their court threats. He responded...

"Dear sir,

Fuck Off. Strong letter to follow.

Yours etc"

If I were in Apple's shoes I'd be tempted to use something similar - except they're all as bad as one another as the patents system is well and truly buggered in the name of greed.