Osama bin Laden, your work is done, victory is assured thanks to the activities of your one true disciple and fellow terrorist, the blessed Jaqui Smith. Given your traditionally disrespectful attitude to women I suspect that even you must find it ironic that one of your greatest achievements will be attributed to a female follower.

Who would have believed that one woman would be able to circumscribe the liberties and freedoms of a whole nation while assuring them that they were being wrapped in a cocoon of impenetrable anti-terrorist safety measures.

But enough of these trivialities, Osama, for I have news of an independent, self-financing group of economic terrorists operating within the British government. Their morally bankrupt philosophy of unrestrained, unregulated greed and avarice has finally run its course and brought the economy to its knees. With friends such as these what need do we have of Jihad?

So, as you can see, my work too is complete and I beg your permission to rejoin you and my brothers in the caves. The life of a troglodyte is so much more appealing than a bare existence on this miserable little island,

Regards, Farouq