Most urban dwellers can seriously improve the quality and integrity of their broadband experience by the simple expedient of using their BT line to make one last call - to the local cable provider.

BT are still using the same wired infrastructure that Alexander Graham Bell used in the 19th century to provide domestic phone connections. Now the giant telcom is stepping up to the challenges of 21st century broadband by providing a DIY kit that customers are expected to retrofit at the network entry point. FFS, talk about a dead man walking.

BT shareholders will be gratified to know that despite lack of investment in their core business, the company is happy to announce that it has entered into a contractual arrangement with a well known malware distributor whose technology will enable us to steal our customers data with complete immunity thanks to an endorsement from the UK government.

Recommendation: sell BT, buy fibre.