It's like a home for old people...

They remove all the disturbing new stuff and let you sit there pretending everything is as it always was.But you'll feel pretty silly when all those around you are able to manage Win8 perfectly well without additional tools.

"But the Start menu is better," you'll say.

"Why?" will come the reply straight back.

"Well, hierarchical menu lets me access more programs than I can fit on the Start Screen"

"I can comfortably fit twenty programs on the main screen on my laptop. Fifty on my Desktop monitory! How many programs do you regularly use, gramps" they will ask incredulously?

You'll count the programs you use regularly. It will come to about twenty if you're a power user.

"Well, it's quicker" you'll say in irritation.

At this point, the yoof will tap the Windows key and type 'wo' bringing up Word.

"That's not what I'm talking about!" you'll say angrily. "I can do the same thing in Windows 7"

"Well, if it's the same in both, then it's not a disadvantage, is it?" will say the increasingly irritating yob who probably has an asbo, you're sure of it.

"Yes, but maybe I want to use the mouse. Have you thought about that? There's no Start button in Windows 8"

"Well, it still works the same," says the brat as he moves the mouse pointer to the lower left and clicks.

"But without a button, how would you know how to do that? Huh? Huh? Explain to me that!"

"Well I just remember," says the yoof. "If you can remember where something is in the hierarchical Start menu, it's got to be even easier to just remember which of four corners does what, right?"

"That's not the point," you snap, wondering if you can catch offguard with your stick.

"Well, you'll like this," says the yoof trying to be helpful, "you know how when you have multiple monitors you have to move your mouse all the way to one end in order to click on the Start button? Well in Win 8 the corners are active on every screen and it also has this nice little mouse capture so that you don't overshoot onto the other screen like you might if you had the Win7 Start Button there. Isn't that nice?"

"No! No it isn't! WHERE ARE MY WERTHERS ORIGINALS!"

"And the Start Screen!" you continue. "It takes up the whole page!"

"So? Did you ever keep staring at the Desktop whilst you navigated the Start menu in Win7?"

"And what if I want to change a setting? Eh? Eh?!?!"

"Bottom right. Or Win+C if you don't want to leave the keyboard"

"But that's only got the commonly used settings that I would typically need! What if I want to do something obscure like manage hardware once every couple of months?"

"Windows key and type 'co'. Bang - control panel!"

"But it doesn't give me anything extra! I don't need it! Steve Ballmer is forcing it down our throats! Why don't you hate what I hate you stupid kid!"

"Nothing extra apart from many common tasks requiring less clicks or keypresses...?" The yoof screws up his face in puzzlement. "Well," he says after a moment, "there's this..." At which point he pulls the screen from the keyboard, and happily does everything he did before again, but this time without a keyboard.

"NURSE!" you cry. "Bring me my XP discs. Hurry! The youth of today! They don't hate Microsoft anymore! What's wrong with them???"