Start cracking jokes about killing the prime minister's children, and BT upgrade your exchange and clean your copper line too, then you get 11ms ping, 9.31Mbps up, and 37.98 Mbps down. Hey presto. They turn up in hours too, if a falling tree takes out your line, rather than days.
Of course, it does preclude security cleared work from then on, but on the whole, you can watch iplayer brilliantly from then on.
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