alternative to the doberman alarm ?

I once saw a bunch of hefty long hairs catch a perp robbing property from tents, strip the guy naked and gaffer tape him to a tree outside a popular heavy metal festivals police command post, pausing only to tie a placard round the idiots neck detailing his crimes...... Back on topic, a fire alarm function would be ideal too, having just returned from Le Mans where an accidentally overturned barbecue in the site next to ours caused the loss of a race goers car (a rather nice Audi until the fire), tent and contents, not to mention a caravan accidentally torched on the Sunday night..