back to article Man demands police protection from sex-mad missus

An exhausted Turkish man living in Germany has asked cops to protect him from his sex-mad missus, Bild reports. The bleary-eyed victim of his wife's "voracious embraces" walked into a police station in the southwestern city of Waiblingen on Tuesday to explain he'd spent four years kipping on the sofa in a vain attempt to get …

COMMENTS

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  1. S Larti
    Joke

    rate this article?

    limp

  2. Anonymous Coward
    WTF?

    Bizarre

    The lucky, lucky, ungrateful bastard.

    1. cjmUK
      Badgers

      Depends...

      ... we haven't seem what his wife looks like.

      Badgers? Because we don't have a beaver icon.

  3. Pete 2 Silver badge

    Help is at hand

    I'm sure the british police's bodyguard unit could send someone over

    1. John 30
      Joke

      Turkish delight!

      As per title - sorry!

  4. Rob - Denmark
    Coat

    I like the IT-angle on this

    So the man gets a divorce and his problems are over.

    But what about the poor woman? Once her identity is revealed, with a sex drive like that, how is she ever going to find another man?

    (Mine is the one with the rubbers and blue pills in the pocket).

  5. Graham Bartlett
    Joke

    Can't get enough sleep?

    There's a nap for that...

  6. Disco-Legend-Zeke
    Pint

    There's An...

    ...app for that.

  7. Semaj
    Thumb Up

    man make snoosnoo

    Be careful what you wish for.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    grim

    see title

  9. Flugal

    Photo?

    A photo of the missus please, so we can get an indication of whether this guy's being an idiot or not.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    dont worry about the police

    I'm heading to the airport to take care of the problem myself.

  11. The Fuzzy Wotnot
    Happy

    Have some sympathy for the poor sod!

    You get in from a hard day at work and all you want to do is eat some scran, plonk down in front of the goggle-box. Instead all you get is the Missus all over you, poking and proding your various bits in an attempt to get some life out of the wee gentlemen, she simply won't leave you alone to watch the game or a documentary about the Wee-Wok tribe from Outer-Mongolia!

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Playmobil reconstruction, please

    I know, I know, the Playmobil team is now looking into space horizons and epic adventures close to the outer edge of the planet. However, in this specific case, they could surely enhance the story with their classic acting talents.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    Know your audience

    As much as I enjoyed this article there are some that will complain about it not being tech related enough. Maybe to appease these people you could reword it as follows

    Title: "Man goes to cops to request cease and desist on port DoS attack"

    Body: A Turkish man has requested police intervention on a violation of his master port's acceptable use policy whilst he explores get out clause options in his contract. Sustained throughput has prevented him entering sleep mode.

    A Verizon spokesperson stepped in to support the man by stating "Unlimited use is all well and good initially, but is unsustainable in the long run."

    ...<Reg magic>

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Pint

      Brilliant!

      You, Sir, made my day.

    2. zb
      Thumb Up

      Give the man a job

      as an El Reg special correspondent.

    3. ArmanX
      Thumb Up

      Brilliant!

      I'd only make one change - strike "Verizon" and replace with "Virgin".

  14. Anonymous Coward
    WTF?

    Poor guy needs a stunt double....

    ..or a team of stunt doubles perhaps.

    Blimey !

    1. Captain TickTock
      Coat

      ..A stunt double?

      a cunning one?

  15. Alex, Leeds

    They have two kids

    How only two!?

    1. Filippo Silver badge

      Re: They have two kids

      Clearly: failure rate of birth control methods X intercourse count = 2. Of course, the reliability of proper birth control is extremely high, so...

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Alert

    Failure...

    ...binding socket to port.

  17. ppp.an
    Happy

    no porn

    I suppose the IT angle, is that they did not need an Internet connection because there was no need for the usual on-line porn ^^.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Calm down now

    Please form an orderly queue.

    You will all get your rations.

  19. Cameron Colley

    Is his missus a member of the "Lubby Dubby Tribe"?

    And does she look like Valerie Leon?

  20. Eddie 4
    Paris Hilton

    They have kid?!?!

    Kids are a pretty good prophylactic in my humble, frustrated, experience.

    Paris coz, well you work it out

    1. JEDIDIAH
      Linux

      Slowing down and such

      > Kids are a pretty good prophylactic in my humble, frustrated, experience.

      They only help so much and really only if you are completely worn out by them. This is primarily true of babies and toddlers. No so much for older kids.

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Despite the giggling from the back

    I read somewhere that the "I've got a headache" excuse is used far more by men than women.

    And I have two ex-husbands that well demonstrate that men are not all sex machines (though that isn't the sole reason for their ex-ness - they were work-shy money-obscessed arseholes in general*).

    *this only works if your partner is prepared to foot all your bills for nothing in return.

  22. FozzyBear

    Unbelievable

    The one to pass up is the one you can never make up again. Give this guy a week and I bet he will be back for a little lovin'

  23. U4eA
    Grenade

    The sentence has been passed

    You are condemned to Death by Snu Snu! Lucky bastard..

    'Suck on this' because suggesting that would have doubtless cooled her ardor wouldn't it gents?

  24. Hans 1
    Paris Hilton

    Bild?

    You quote Bild Zeitung? The rag that you could compare to News of the World? Have you checked the story? Half of what is written in that toilet paper is made up!!!!!!

    And the guyz who claim he should be grateful .... have you ever been in a relationship with a nympho? I guess not ... some can really tire you out, I know from experience, I made the same assumptions ... I can tell ya, when ye end up walking into the office like a cowboy every other day, you will soon figure that having a relationship with a nympho is not only tiring, it can also be painful ... balls ache like mad when you stress them too much!!!!

    Madonna for obvious reasons ...

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