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  1. Dave Murray
    Boffin

    Strokes

    Obviously you don't realise that a 2 stroke engine is more powerful than a 4 stroke engine of the same capacity. Roughly twice as powerful. So it would be more up Paris' street.

    If I catch sight of Paris herself at the GPs I go to next year I'll be sure to let you have the pictures.

    1. N2

      Theoretically

      But Id rather give Paris four strokes than two

  2. Josco
    Coat

    Fnarr fnarr

    Of course the four stroke is a "Suck Squeeze Bang Blow" engine.

    1. Rumcajz

      Fnarr...

      The two stroke is also "suck squeeze bang blow", but usually suck and sqeeze are performed at the same time, and the blow is performed during the end of the bang. Also, the two stroke required more lubrication than the four stroke. Sometimes the blow, suck, and squeeze are combined in a single stroke (not quite sure how Paris manages this, there's probably a video on the subject somewhere on the internet)

      I think I need to lie down for a bit...

  3. Steve Evans

    Ummm...

    Well I've clicked right on over to the comments, but only to say that a 125cc bike could never be described as a "roaring, thrusting between-the-legs monster". Annoying buzzing mosquito thing would be more accurate.

    If the modermatrix would like to give me a call when the weather is slightly more suitable I'll happily warm up 1000cc of V-twin and show her the difference.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Ahhh....

      Or a dynamically-balanced but still a 360 degree parallel twin for that now-bearable but for the female of the species strangely-interesting vibration....

      ...anyway, anything but a stroker !

      1. Steve Evans

        Re Ahhh....

        Indeed. Anything with big cylinders in strange arrangements is good for vibration. My 90 degree 1000cc V twin will happily start walking it's way along the pavement if left running on its sidestand!

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          For Re Ahhh...(L)

          My old 1000cc one-up-two-down Triple used to do that. I'm tempted to say it was a laugh when the centre stand got to a dip in the ground, but it really wasn't. Who needs weights when you've got a proper bike !

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Better weather?

          Wuss, but then if you think that 125s are slow... Never seen an RS125 then?

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Pirate

            Oh yes they're quick enough

            Providing they don't explode into a million bits and that the rider is light enough that is.

            I prefer my V4 1100 silky smooth purrrrr. I've had enough of vibey noisy bikes thanks. See when I got a full bike licence I decided, no more single cylinders and nothing below 750 -ever again.

            Plus you've got to admit they make a really loud awful noise. Not like a pleasant burble.

            Each to his own I guess.

          2. Steve Evans

            Re: Better weather

            If you want to ride in snow and ice then that's your funeral!

            I have yet to find a reliable local source for spikes tires!

            I did used to have a 250cc Yamaha quad, that was wonderful in the snow.

            As for the Aprilia, sure have, I've ridden a couple. Pretty nippy for what they are, but there is a world of difference between the RS125's 15bhp and 100bhp+ that comes out of a big bike!

          3. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            That'd be

            a Yamaha-ha-ha...no?

            You can go fast by a bewildering variety of oxidising compounds confined in a tight space and ignited beneath your arse. Doesn't make it a pleasure to ride though, just fast. Unless what you like to hear while you're doing it is a tinny commotion like someone else's mp3 player turned up too loud, on the other side of the bus.

            But maybe it is also a little suspect to be so turned on by large quanitities of torque..? Still I never saw a 125 blow a big Ducati into the weeds! Damn sure I know which I'd rather be in control of...

  4. Steve X
    Coat

    Four-stroke?

    If that's all it takes to satisfy Team Reg no wonder you're building paper aeroplanes...

  5. Jemma
    Grenade

    ... I always prefer two strokes...

    ...More bang for your buck....

    mines the one with the GEBE catalogue in the pocket..

    *icon=apposite

  6. Gomez Adams

    Buth with a two-stroke ...

    ... every other stroke is a bang Twice as many as a four-stroke. :)

    1. Steve Evans

      Re: Buth with a two-stroke[sic]

      Sure, more bangs, but so much shorter lived!

      You wouldn't want your big end giving way at just the wrong moment would you!

  7. Steven Jones
    Alert

    Opening the floodgates...

    OK crew, what we need today is a story which will incontrovertibly prove our readers are the worst punners on the planet...

  8. Disco-Legend-Zeke
    Pint

    Paris Treats Her...

    ...name like a brand. Mostly plastered on stuff younger women buy.

    By plastering her name on the clothing of a bunch of cute atheletes she should capture more market.

    As a plus, she probably has a unique power to motivate the team.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      As opposed to...

      "Paris treats her....name like a brand. Mostly plastered on stuff younger women buy"

      As opposed to her Great Grandfather, who treated his name like a brand, mostly plastered across the sides of buildings people paid to stay in.

      Sort of runs in the family, really.

  9. jphn37
    Paris Hilton

    hooyah

    Okay, so this will be my dream tonight.

    "Paris Hilton may have been keeping her head down recently."

  10. disgruntled yank

    frankly

    The bore is more noticeable in this case.

  11. NogginTheNog
    Paris Hilton

    Misread

    I mis-read "The multi-talented heiress" as "The multi-talentLESS heiress" the first time round...

    1. John H Woods Silver badge

      LOL

      So did I!

  12. mr.K
    Pint

    Overheating

    When writing an article like this, how exactly do you plan to keep Moderatrix from overheating?

    The cold beer is to her as a stopgap solution.

  13. Mike 140
    Paris Hilton

    I'm not so sure ...

    about your opening phrase.

  14. Chris Miller

    *Only* two-stroke?

    Two-stroke engines offer significantly more power for a given weight (at least for racing, where insignificant details like noise and pollution can be ignored). Bigger racing bikes only became 4-stroke about 10 years ago when the rules were amended to encourage the changeover.

    1. JimC

      @*only* two stroke...

      And the main reason they produce more power is that motorcycle style two stroke petrol engines are effectively self supercharging*... And my fellow readers aren't the people I think they are if they can't make something out of Paris H and self-supercharging engines...

      (*just trust me on this folks, OK, this is not the place for a dissertation on engine design!)

      1. Steve X

        two stroke

        I thought the big advantage of a two-stroke was that it would keep going in any position?

      2. TeeCee Gold badge

        @JimC

        Unfortunately that's also why they are rather inefficient and dirty. The induction via crankcase compression approach forces total loss lubrication, with the accompanying burning of oil and also means they have to run rich as mixture adjustments take a few cycles to feed through to the combustion processes.

        Now I am forced to wonder why nobody seems to have taken a leaf out of the two-stroke diesel book yet. Now, we've already seen that electric power steering pumps, electric water pumps and electric aircon pumps can be made reliable. Therefore a multi-cylinder two-stroke petrol engine using an electrically driven supercharger and direct fuel injection with lubrication isolated to the usual engine components should be feasible. Starting would require a slightly larger battery to spin up the supercharger before ignition, but that would obviate the need for the long cranking time on compressed air starters that relegates two-stroke diesels to trains and boats.

        I wonder if there's an application out there that needs a small, light, powerful, economical and reliable internal combustion engine that also has a decent supply of volts on tap for startup. Ah yes, hybrid vehicles......

    2. sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD
      Paris Hilton

      "insignificant details like noise and pollution can be ignored."

      Bit like Paris then...

      (Both Parises actually, come to think about it)

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    How about six strokes?

    Suck Squeeze Bang Blow Squirt Blow then...

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crower_six_stroke

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    bootnote?

    It proves only that your readers have a diverse taste in dodgy sounding mags. Asphalt & Rubber anyone?

  17. Toby Roberts
    Coffee/keyboard

    Keeping her head down?

    new keyboard needed, coffee escaped.

  18. stupormundi
    Joke

    2 vs 4 strokes

    Surprised that I have to point out that, since these are *reciprocating* engines, the total number of strokes is not limited to 2 respectively 4, but rather large multiples of those, such as:

    5645386875697852 or even 8769781934538974661478, really depending on how much fuel you can fit in the tank ;-)

  19. maclovinz

    Multi-wait what?!!@?

    Multi-"talented"

    Are you EFFING kiddin' me Reg? I thought the UK was smarter than "US"!

  20. Eyes Wide Shut
    FAIL

    Multi-talented... wtf??!!

    "Multi-talented" where have I been??!!! I never thought she actually ever had a shred of talent in her <no pun intended>. Spoiled brat maybe, too much money definately!!

  21. Alistair Wall

    nuggest?

    Is this a new Reg unit?

  22. FozzyBear
    Thumb Up

    If nothing else

    Paris could suck start the bike.. certainly up the ante for those lovely pit lane girls

  23. Rafael L
    Paris Hilton

    WTF

    What Paris Hilton have to do with this website???

    1. sandman
      Paris Hilton

      Re: WTF

      What has Paris Hilton to do with this website?! Many, many things.

      1. she is a surrogate girlfriend for the more (real) human phobic uber techies

      2. a sort of post-ironic mascot for the Reg

      3. an excellent source of generally mind-bogglingly dumb news stories

      4. a reference point for the "all that is wrong in the world today" crusties

      5. half the editorial team (not so) secretly lust after her

      Any other addiions?

    2. Martin Huizing
      Coat

      Simple:

      Her two initials spelled backwards: HP

      <--- Cheers mate, the one with... Hey, what's that guy doing with his hand in my coat?

    3. nyelvmark
      Paris Hilton

      @ Rafael L

      This website is DEDICATED to Paris, Rafael - where have you been?

      And I must admit that my admiration for the lady in question has been enhanced by her apparent siding with us aging strokers. Perhaps she's been persuaded that motorbikes are about power-to-weight ratio and sheer speed, and not about fuel economy, service intervals, or the availability of ashtrays.

      Of course, it's possible that she knows nothing of this long-standing and acrimonious dispute between the 4-strokers and the (now delegislated) 2-stokers. But I can forgive her sweet little butt for that. Paris FTW.

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    1000 cc V Twin? Pah

    Goldwing. 1800cc Flat Six.

    Three things moving in each direction. Of equal length, if you know what I mean ladies.

    1. Steve Evans

      Re: 1000 cc V Twin? Pah

      Hey, we're talking about bikes here, not cars with two wheels and a roof missing! :-p

      Seriously though, nice bike, lovely for a long cruise. I'm just still enjoying the near death twisty experience. When I grow up (if I last that long) I'll buy one, promise.

      BTW, I believe the stroke and bore of my two 500cc cylinders exceeds that of your six 300cc ones :-p

      ;-)

  25. Magnus_Pym

    Ass felt and rub her

    Are you serious?

    Anyway she should be careful as high performance two strokes often fail with worn bores and burned out exhaust ports. (sorry)

  26. Mike48US
    Stop

    RE:WTF

    You have just proven yourself to be a new visitor... Please lurk awhile longer (It's for your own good, really) and the Paris connection to these esteemed pages will become apparent...

  27. Originone
    WTF?

    I cannot force this sentence to make sense!

    "Also, as of 2012, the 125cc class will move to 250cc engines,..."

    Surely if the 125cc class changes their engines to anything other than 125cc's they will cease to be the 125cc class.

    And if they do change to 250cc's how will the 125cc class differ from the existing 250cc class?

    1. JimC

      Anything makes sense in Sports politics....

      Traditionally Grand prix racing sizes were 50, 125, 250, 250 and 500. In the 60s, mainly as a result of restrictions on multiple cylinder engines and also because of some brilliant *East* German innovations in two stroke design four stroke engines disappeared from the GP scene.

      These days its considered

      1) unacceptable to have two strokes and

      2) silly that the premium GP class has engines a fraction of the size of the lumbering monsters you guys have on the road.

      So what's happening, *very roughly* speaking with *much over simplification* is that two strokes are being banned and engine capacities are being doubled, so what was the 125 class is getting a 250 engine, what was the 500 1 litre and so on.

      yours with the 40 year old DS7 250 Yamaha in the garage...

  28. Zolko Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    whoot ?

    "as of 2012, the 125cc class will move to 250cc engines"

    you do realise that this is not possible, don't you ? If the 125cc class moves to 250cc engines, it becomes the 250cc class and stops being the 125cc class. Uh !

    Paris, obviously for 2 reasons.

  29. Scott 19

    Lucky

    I haven't got to my middle ages or had a crisis, so cannot comment on Motor bikes.

    I will say i prefer four strokes to two though.

    1. Steve Evans

      Re: Lucky

      Cheeky sod! Some of us aren't in a middle age crisis, we never left being a teenager behind!

      (aka, owned bikes all the way through our 20s,30s etc etc).

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