Everything Everywhere unveils contrary figures

As we approach the phone event horizon...

As a society sinks into depression, the people of the society need to cheer themselves up by buying themselves gifts. This is usually done through the purchase of mobile telephones. As more money is spent on mobile telephones, more phone shops are built, and the quality of the phones begins to diminish as the demand for different types of phone increases. This makes people buy more phones.

The above turns into a vicious cycle, the end result being that other industries begin to falter.

Eventually the titular Mobile Telephone Event Horizon is reached, where the only type of store economically viable to build is a phone shop. At this point, society ceases to function, and the economy collapses, sending a world into ruin. In the case of Britain, the population forsook mobile telephones and evolved into ham radio operators.

Or something like that. Mine's the one with the starship Heart of Gold in the pocket...

retaining customers!

Your having a laugh arent you.

Since they upgraded me to a premier account status they have done everything in there power to lose me as a customer.

No data anywhere sir, ok we can offer you £1.50 back! I spend the best part of £10,000 a year with these muppets and when you cant connect for three days in a major UK city they offer you £1.50!

Its easier to count the days when the data network actually works rather than the outages.

More salesmen on the high street wont retain customers, perhaps a network infrastructure that wasnt made of string and plastic cups would do the job!

Fail, like the Orange Notwork

A possibility

At a staff meeting today it was suggested that they should replace Everything Everywhere with No Signal, Anywhere as their name given the experience we have had working with T-Mobile over the last year

I've said it before and I'll say it again

T-MOrange.

(say it quickly.)

I will chuckle away when the day comes where, once the "Everything Everywhere" branding 2.0 has been foisted upon us for so long, people just abbreviate it to " I'm on E" when asked what mobile network they use

Honestly I think they should stick with T-Mobile, it has a better brand image and customer service reputation than Orange (which I think you will find is almost universally dismal). Second only to Three in terms of rubish after-sales service.

Competition?

So at a stroke, the number of operators in the UK reduces from 5 (Voda,Orange,T-MObile,3,O2) to 3 (Voda,O2,EE). I know 3 is still notionally separate, but if it loses control of its network, it will have its margins squeezed, and then it will be a matter of time.

OFCOM (sorry, Ofcom) must have been well-greased ot let than one through.

30p/minute here we come!