I have a few puns...
But I'll leave this little gem to the great unwashed, assuming, of kos, that they get round to it.
Hampshire Police have not received a single phone call or other lead on the whereabouts of the lettuce-headed burglar, despite his lactucan locks appearing on more media outlets than Paris Hilton's last upskirt shot. Have you seen this salad? Lettuce know if you spot him, Kos Hampshire police have no other Romaining leads …
...it's not that bad for a BBC Model B. I expect they are saving up for the Z80 co-pro. Once they install CP/M they can network with their colleagues in the next village, to catch anyone who, until now, has made their getaway across the parish boundary.
The felon may not go to prison but he'll suffer when the cabbage whites get to him.