Bike bonk bloke lands on sex offenders' register

disgusting..

..that he was placed on the register of perverts for this? reckless conduct in charge of a bicycle would have been more appropriate. Whichever idiot beak equated this with rape and kiddy-fiddling should be booted off the bench.

Mind you, you can be stuck on the perverts register for even taking a pee in public these days, and let's face it, once you're on the perverts register, as far as the public are concerned you are a rapist and kiddy-fiddler.

what a man does in private with a consenting bicycle is his own business.

Was it the...

Village bicycle? Coats on already.

Harsh

He was behind a locked door! There was no offence until the cleaners broke in, surely? As far as I know it's not actually illegal to shag a bike (presumably as long as it's yours).

Anyone who's ever 'enjoyed' the tenner-a-night channels on a hotel TV would be at risk of becoming sex a criminal should the chambermaid pop her head round the door.

New sex crime?

Is this the first case of pedalphilia?

As usual....

....where are the pictures?

Er, maybe not in this case.

Can I be the first

to coin the word "pedalphilia"?

This makes no sense at all...

Since I doubt having sex with a bike is actually an offence I assume he was charged as they saw him doing something sexual.

Soo.. if your in a hotel having some nookie with your missus and a cleaner walks in on you are you both going to be charged and put on the sex offenders register??? Total and complete nonsense.

I'm surprised nobody has asked...

Where's the IT link here?

So likely then also on the list of banned acts

would be having consensual relations with mature cucumbers, pumpkins and watermelons, even in private? Is nobody safe?

Makes sense now ....

.... why all the people in the gym are sweating and straining so much on the bikes.

All this time I thought it was exercise. Also explains why they wipe 'em down afterwards.

How very considerate.

Poor chap. Can't _quite_ fathom how you hump a bicycle, unless he was "sat" on it .... *shudder*

I'm confused.

I'm sure someone is being taken for a ride here... But who?

Was the bike...

... under-age? Not sure what the age of consent is for a bicycle, and did he wear an inner-tube?

I'll get...

Eh? What?

So if he'd been shagging his girlfriend and they let themselves into the room would he be on the Sex Offenders register?

OK the man obviously has an odd fetish - but he was doing it in private so whats the problem. This could have a serious impact on anyone who indulges in any sex act that could be deemed by anyone as "abnormal" as apparently if someone enters your LOCKED room by using a master key and sees you doing something you get shoved on the SOR... or is there something going on here that we aren't aware of?

And what sort of offence is "sexual breach of the peace"?? Does moaning too loud or screaming "YESSSS YESSS" count?

Madness.

Was the bike complete?

On first read I'd assumed it was missing the saddle. Later I thought he could have suffered an unusual misunderstanding of the function of a "chain" on the bike, but that wouldn't work as his T shirt wasn't black.

I thus remain puzzled whilst I grab my long raincoat :-)

AFAIK it's not sex..

I've had a browse through some online references, but AFAIK sexual intercourse is defined as something between species capable of reproducing.

I have yet to see a bicycle reproduce with its own kind, nor with a mixed species arrangement, and I must admit to having some trouble visualising any result from such a union (btw, Union is a Belgian bicycle manufacturer, so there may be a hint there, but I digress :-)

If I were him I'd try to get that verdict quashed. The only offence he committed was to make pretend movements so you could probably get him for a more elaborate version of a 'George Michael' but that's not a reason to go on the sex offenders list - that punishment WAY exceeds the "crime" (I have trouble calling it that - an idiotic move maybe but who are we to judge what someone does privately with the door locked?).

What's next - being listed because your wrist hurts?

Morons..

Learning to Ride

It took me a few weeks when I was a kid to learn how to ride a bike. If I knew you could ride one like this - It would have been much easier.....

Surely...

He had a "Handle" on it...although he could have been "yanking its chain"

Protection...

I hope he wore an innertube or he'll have a litte trike to support!

Obviously...

Obviously he was just bikecurious...

Do not disturb - bike shagging

Shame he didn't put up his sign, but surely, if you were caught w@nking or whatever he was doing to the bike - it's the cleaners fault for coming into the room.

So let that be a warning to any Deaf couple about to go on their honeymoon, or even a Deaf person about to have a tommy tank in their hotel room!

Most Odd!

Could it be that the press have dressed this story up? I mean, over the years I've heard about some females of the species being referred to as "the village bicycle", so perhaps he was riding such a bike when the cleaners came in?

Alternatively, perhaps said cleaners were not actually shocked by what they saw, but jealous because they wanted a bit of what they saw? It wouldn't be the first time in history that a jealous woman relied upon her inbuilt spiteful attitude to get their own back on an innocent male.

And just maybe this geezer wasn't practicing pro-creation, but was actually practicing pumping up the tyres?

I don't actually see what the problem is here. I can accept that shagging a bicycle isn't "normal" behaviour, but this guy was apparently behind a locked door doing his thing. If this is worth prosecuting then I imagine that there would be thousands of people being lined up for a visit before the beak for what they've got up to in a hotel bedroom!

why would you fuck a bicycle

everybody knows those cleaning ladies do that without announcing themselves just so they catch people doing stuff like this though I am pretty sure it's a bike fetish and I hate slimey fetishists you know shoes gloves stockings now bicycles it's enough to make to you wash everything you touch in this world.

Man rides sexy motor cycle

Perhaps he has been watching Vroom Vroom Vroom

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0114879/

Re:John A Blackley

Apparently (or, as reported by the Torygraph), in Scotland it is an offense to simulate sex with an inanimate object.

So, does every woman with a Rampant Rabbit have to come south of the Border for self induced stimulation?

Re: offense to simulate sex with an inanimate object

Would that include my ex?

Confusion

Maybe he misinterpreted that old militant feminist bumper sticker: "A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle."

Where's our dear friend.....

.....Paris in this story? Could it be that:

1) She was the bike?

2) She was the cleaner?

3) She was actually wearing a strap-on and got done as the bloke?

I think we should be told!

Amazing

Well, at least some of you guys are literate (at least dormant is). Now how about getting your spelling and grammar above the Nigel Molesworth level?

bikesexual?

as a new proclivity

Re: "Obviously..."

Anonymous Coward, you just made my day!

("Bikecurious" beats the "pedalphilia" joke!)

I Am Shocked & Disgusted!1!!11!11!lolorz *puts down copy of todays' Daily Mail.....*

Disgusting, stuff! Hang the bastard, he must be some kind of paedophile. There's no evidence, but better safe than sorry is what I say!

Honestly, is this the kind of society we live in these days, where a man and his bike can't have a good, clean time together? I mean me and my mattress have had many intermite affairs. I wonder if this makes me a 'sex offender', I'd imagine I can except an angry mob of nonces at my door any time soon.

De ja Vue?

De Ja Vue ?

Reminded me of another tragic story of early last century of false accusations against an innocent person and all those responsible failed to take any action to either apologise offer compensation or correct the tragic mistake period !

Transformers!

Maybe he went to the cinema and loved the movie? He felt the need to become one with his motorbike. Gosh! I hate to think what he would have done if he had seen Robocop!

He's clearly ...

a cyclepath

How can he be put on the offenders register?

...Was it a childs bike?

Rape!

He didn't even offer any evidence the bicycle consented.

It must've been rape and all my bikes say he should swing for it!