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back to article Paris Hilton tweets armed intruder drama

Paris Hilton entertained her 2,520,223 Twitter followers yesterday with a quick tweet revealing that some bloke had just tried to enter her Hollywood Hills pad armed with "knifes". The patron saint of El Reg's space plane mission wrote: "So Scary, just got woken up to a guy trying to break into my house holding 2 big knifes. …

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  1. Annihilator
    Unhappy

    Bootnote

    "Anyone who comments that they'd be delighted to give our Paris a facial will be banned from The Register for the statutory one month."

    It's weird, it's almost worth it and was honestly the only reason I clicked on the article. Sigh, I'll let it pass then.

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    1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)
      Reply Icon

      Re: Bootnote

      But I was so looking forward to fifty of you all making the same utterly lame and entirely predictable comment... I guess I'll just have to see how you cleverly circumvent the rules!

      That is my best kind of fun.

      5 0
      1. Anonymous Coward
        Reply Icon
        Joke

        Not fair!

        Isn't this entrapment? How many got banned?

        2 0
      2. Anonymous John
        Reply Icon
        Paris Hilton

        By the way,

        Why didn't you report the story I gave you about PH being sued for $35 for wearing the wrong hair extensions?

        http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/10951105

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        1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)
          Reply Icon

          Re: By the way,

          Because you smell.

          1 0
          1. Anonymous John
            Reply Icon
            Unhappy

            Oh

            Fair enough.

            0 0
      3. jake Silver badge
        Reply Icon

        For small values of fun ...

        "all making the same utterly lame and entirely predictable comment"

        Then why give the bint any press to begin with? Even her Grandfather disinherited her ...

        3 1
      4. DrXym
        Reply Icon

        @Sarah

        You never said anything about other kinds of gifts such as pearl necklaces. Not that I'd be delighted to give her one of those.

        0 0
      5. david wilson
        Reply Icon

        @Sarah B

        >>"That is my best kind of fun."

        Having rad that, *I* nd a nw kyboard.

        This on is gtting unrliabl du to an xcss of tars.

        0 0
      6. Anonymous Coward
        Reply Icon
        WTF?

        Circumvent what rules?

        :) I believe you said "...to give our Paris a facial..."? I really do support protective stance but still... Who would be delighted to give a facial to a Paper Aircraft that is about to be Released Into Space? :)

        0 0
    2. centparkrun
      Reply Icon
      FAIL

      Man Arrested Outside Paris Hilton’s Home; Paris Is Fine, Man Placed on High-Dosage Antibiotics

      Man Arrested Outside Paris Hilton’s Home; Paris Is Fine, but Man Placed on High-Dosage Antibiotics as Precaution

      FUNNY

      http://www.dailygoat.com/?p=2904

      2 0
  2. T-Unit
    Paris Hilton

    I feel such sympathy

    for the attacker. Must try harder

    2 0
  3. james 68

    heh

    she needs to do something with that face, she looks like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle

    5 0
    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Oh come on, that's a little unfair....

      ....to bulldogs.

      0 0
    2. Jo 5
      Reply Icon
      Thumb Up

      love that description

      I gotta stop reading and ROFL'ing @ Reg comments at my work desk - its not doing my performance reviews any good at all. That one is going in my BOFH book of retorts

      0 0
      1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)
        Reply Icon

        Re: love that description

        I believe 'bulldog licking piss off a nettle' first appeared in Charles Dickens' little-known first novel.

        1 0
        1. breakfast Silver badge
          Reply Icon
          Go

          Nearly

          It was actually from his slightly better known second novel "Carriagespotting."

          2 0
    3. Anomalous Cowturd
      Reply Icon
      Headmaster

      Correction, if you will, Jimmy boy...

      I believe the phrase you were looking for was :-

      A face like a Bulldog chewing a wasp!

      At least around these here parts. ^_^

      0 0
      1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)
        Reply Icon

        Re: Correction, if you will, Jimmy boy...

        You can use either, but you probably shouldn't, since they are excruciatingly hackneyed and in this case, inaccurate.

        I think she looks more like a stoned cyborg most of the time. But not in a bad way.

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  4. Chris Hill 1
    Paris Hilton

    Facial...

    I was just wondering if the Kate Somerville Spa was looking for any new employees?

    0 0
  5. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Nout wrong with a facial.

    Moisturising is a good idea

    0 0
    1. david wilson
      Reply Icon

      @AC 10:10

      >>"Moisturising is a good idea"

      Indeed.

      And if you didn't want a you-know-what, you could always soothing tired digits with a little:

      http://www.aveda.co.uk/templates/products2/spp.tmpl?CATEGORY_ID=CAT8129&PRODUCT_ID=PROD76203 (SFW)

      Or maybe even splash out and do both?

      1 0
  6. Paris Hilton

    Give a facial.

    Sorry, only Kate's Serum on my face today.

    0 0
  7. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    I was going to suggest...

    I was going to suggest that I could adjust her spine into a number of different angles!

    0 0
  8. ScripterSi
    FAIL

    OK, no 'facial' jokes...

    "got adjusted by my chiropractor"

    Yeah, I'd adjust her spine anyday!

    ...no, just dosent have the same comedy value as the 'facial' avenue of smut. If anthing that just makes me sound more creepy than the attacker.

    0 0
    1. Professor Tinklepants
      Reply Icon
      Happy

      Re: OK, no 'facial' jokes...

      "that just makes me sound more creepy than the attacker."

      Yeah, you didn't help yourself with the phrase "facial avenue of smut".

      Just picturing what form that might take makes me need a bath!

      0 0
  9. Charlie Clark Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    What a tw?t!

    Is wanting to be in a bukake shoot with Ms. Hilton okay? Actually, it's not something that particularly appeals to me unless she was bound and gagged at the time. Even then she doesn't really float my boat. Wonder if there is a Japanese word for that?

    Diddum's place got broken into! But it's okay as the place is surrounded by police all sniffing her tweets and who don't need to wait for the 911 call to burst in and use minimum force to restrain aforementioned miscreant who's going down and will serve out his full sentence.

    Fortunately, dear Paris is survived the ordeal and is still able to be a full member of society: spend oodles of unearned cash on items of questionable value. Maybe the police should consider chiropractors and wellness spas for all victims of potentially violent crime?

    1 0
    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      FAIL

      As opposed to

      leaving it in the bank, making it utterly useless as a form of tax revenue or job creation?

      And the questionable value thing's even better- she'll shoot through her money quickly replacing it, meaning everyone else pays just a tiny bit less, proportionally, than they would in your boring world. A lot less, in fact, when you realise that a lot of the world's jobs are of "questionable value" in that they serve little long term purpose and could be automated out of existence given about 10 minutes and some Excel macros, and if no-one spent money of them there'd be mass unemployment and a huge drain on society.

      So lighten up.

      0 0
  10. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Fnarr

    <quote>Just went and got adjusted by my chiropractor</quote>

    Doesn't she mean 'Just went and got "adjusted" by my chiropractor' ?

    I'd quite happily give her an internal rearrangement.

    I know, I know, I'm leaving. At least I didn't go for the facial gag.

    1 0
  11. Anonymous Coward
    Troll

    tenuously a euphemism?

    Maybe she'd like some colonic irrigation?

    I think I'll go anon on this and preserve my dignity :/

    0 0
  12. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    Awww

    Poor bloke, perhaps he should try bringing some knives next time or even a gun.

    1 0
    1. Fluffykins Silver badge
      Reply Icon

      Would that knife be

      A mutton dagger, mayhap?

      1 0
      1. Snake Plissken
        Reply Icon
        Coat

        Re: Would that knife be

        A pork sword, surely?

        1 0
      2. Anomalous Cowturd
        Reply Icon
        Joke

        Beef Bayonet, Shirley?

        MOOOooo.

        ^_^

        0 0
  13. Snake Plissken

    Can you get that on the NHS

    "adjusted by my chiropractor"? I bet she was.

    0 0
  14. Robajob
    Unhappy

    Not her scariest tweet yesterday

    I direct your attention to "In the studio working on music. :)". Yikes!

    3 0
  15. Jimbo 6

    Wow...

    ...Paris Hilton has an old sofa in her back garden She REALLY IS white trash.

    (And that's why we LUUUUUUURVE her.)

    0 0
  16. John Colman
    Alert

    Eh?

    No comments about her chiropractor looking after her from behind?

    0 0
  17. Anonymous Coward
    Alert

    My mate, Fluffykins, said to me

    He'd like to give Paris a facial.

    Can he be banned by proxy?

    0 0
    1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)
      Reply Icon

      Re: My mate, Fluffykins, said to me

      I see what you did there, 'AC'. You're banned. And for that comment your mate made, he is also banned. You're banned for this month - 'he' is banned for next month. There's only room in the cell for one, see.

      4 0
      1. Anonymous Coward
        Reply Icon
        Anonymous Coward

        Sarah: Do we both get a good thrashing from you

        please?

        0 0
      2. Rob
        Reply Icon
        Joke

        Hear that people...

        ... the cell is full for the next 2 months, let the facial gags flood forthwith.

        (Please note the joke icon, I don't want to get banned for inciting a verbal smut riot)

        0 0
  18. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Look at me I'm being clever on the internet

    Is it ok if I'd like Paris to give me a facial?

    0 0
    1. david wilson
      Reply Icon

      @Iron Oxide

      >>"Is it ok if I'd like Paris to give me a facial?"

      That depends where you are.

      Some places in Germany, it might even be considered mainstream.

      1 0
  19. J 3
    Coat

    Er...

    That subtitle... is that the plot of some flick you guys found online, by any chance?

    0 0
  20. Graham O'Brien
    Paris Hilton

    Playmobil ...

    ... or it didn't happen

    0 0
    1. Is It Me...?
      Reply Icon
      Pint

      it's about time...

      We got some more Playmobil recreations.

      Ages since the last one and it's far easier than reading.

      0 0
  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Dear Paris

    You silly girl. It was dark so you mistook what your aggressor was holding. It wasn't a knife he was holding you silly b*tch, it was a chopper.

    0 0
  22. pctechxp
    Coat

    Paris is shaken

    But was she also stirred?

    0 0
  23. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    But I DID gave Paris Hilton a facial today

    ..just before her swing over to the studio. I am Randolfo, Miss Paris' chief dermo-technician.

    Today she was a little, how do you say, corneo ? but she only wanted her eye-brows waxed. I

    was a little clumsy with the wax. so sorry Signora..

    0 0
  24. Trevor_Pott Gold badge

    The only thing I find interesting about the whole event...

    ...is how it didn't take the cops two hours to show up. There weren't even any reports of them hassling the victim and blaming everything on them.

    Must be nice to be rich and famous.

    1 0
  25. proto-robbie
    FAIL

    That has to be...

    the worst looking chair in America. What a fucking style icon.

    0 0
  26. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Paris has so much money,....

    ...she could probably afford a shower of gold.

    1 0
    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Thumb Up

      Drinking coffee whilst reading your post.....

      You sir owe me one new keyboard!

      0 0
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