back to article Women, gorillas likelier to have sex with men wearing red

Good news today for men finding themselves unfortunately circumstanced in terms of feminine companionship: and also for heterosexual members of the Brigade of Guards. Researchers have discovered that women - indeed, all "female primates" - are more strongly attracted to men wearing the colour red. “Red is typically thought of …

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  1. Dazed and Confused
    WTF?

    shopping

    SO perhaps, even as a bloke, it is time to go shopping

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    How depressing :(

    I cant stand the colour red.

    if I had my way all red cars would have their colours changed to pale girly 7 year old pink.

    Why you ask ?

    Well just to upset the people who own red cars.

  3. Nigel Brown
    Joke

    A-ha!

    This explains the success of that face-like-a-bag-of-spanners Mick Hucknal. He must have a wardrobe full of simply red shirts.

  4. ahahaha you won't catch me that easy again
    IT Angle

    does this explain...

    ...the predominance of red in El Reg's layout?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: does this explain...

      Maybe, maybe not but it might explain why you always see more than one ladybird and they all seem to be humping each other.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Santa

    Santa will be overjoyed too.

    1. Red Bren
      Coat

      You'd better watch out!

      He knows where all the naughty girls live!

    2. Paul Crawford Silver badge
      Joke

      Santa?

      Maybe he will no longer come but once a year?

      1. Jimbo 6

        Re: Santa?

        ...and it won't be down a chimney

    3. Santa from Exeter
      Thumb Up

      I certainly am!

      The post is required, and must contain letters. (Or Parcels)

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Pink?

    I wonder if this is tied in to that old gender stereotype of little girls preferring pink? I know that my niece, whose Mum is something of a tomboy and rarely wears anything but jeans, will still go for pink clothes over anything else.

    Anecdotally I've noticed that when I've worn pink or red when visiting friends or family whom I don't see often, their young (2-4yrs) kids seem to get over their usual shyness with strangers more quickly, reaching the "carry me" stage noticeably sooner.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Red (and pink) were traditionally manly colours

      I think it was only the gorilla sex that caused men to go off them

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Yippie!!!

    (Grabs Scarlet coloured coat and heads for the Mall)

  8. Valerion
    Joke

    So

    Wear red on that first date, but don't take her to the zoo.

  9. Justicesays
    Troll

    So that explains

    Why people keep voting for Labour.

    Were other colours neutral, or were women less likely to want to shag people wearing (say) yellow?

  10. Tim Parker
    Go

    Worrying...

    "Women, gorillas likelier to have sex with men wearing red"

    As I am unwittingly wearing a red top, I shall be especially careful walking past any gorillas today.

    Thanks for the heads up - could have been nasty.

    1. Daniel 1

      You beat me to it

      Enough said.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Red eh?

    So is there any evidence that this, by extension, applies to red cars? I detect some sponsorship by Ferrari......

  12. Fizzl
    Boffin

    Makes sense.

    There is some science, women are better at perceiving red than men because the code for 'can see red' is in the X chromosome. This means 99% of women get a double dose of red (also means it's rare for a female to be colour blind) the rest of the population have to get by with one or less shots of red. Same reason most women really can spot the difference between white and er.. white.

    1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: Makes sense.

      I'm colour-blind. This makes me *special*. It's a sign of intelligence, you know... cough.

      I wouldn't know about it if I hadn't failed those dotty tests. It only affects me in that I can't see the numbers in those dotty tests, and I can't be a pilot (just like the kid in Little Miss Sunshine). And I occasionally can't tell if something is yellow or green. But that's about it.

      Red does have an effect on people - it draws the eye. Wear red, get looked at - get red in photos or designs and they will get looked at. It wouldn't surprise me if they discovered all sorts of other stuff about it. Like, teens have moved on from iDosing to staring at red things until they experience a "high".

      1. Wize

        Depends on your type of colourblindness

        Some are gender specific, others are not.

        Most types are red-green troubled and usually troubles males, where as your yellow/green one is not gender related and a lot more rare.

      2. moonface

        Colour blind.

        You would probably make a bloody good sniper, though.

        I bet you spot those camouflaged internet stalkers, miles away!

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Happy

        Re: Makes sense. @ Sarah Bee

        >> I wouldn't know about it if I hadn't failed those dotty tests. It only affects me in that I can't see the numbers in those dotty tests, and I can't be a pilot (just like the kid in Little Miss Sunshine).

        Yeah, I failed the Ishihara test as well - very red-green deficient like about 7% (1 in 14) of men. However, that is not a block to holding a pilots licence. If you fail the Ishihara test, they can let you do a Lantern Test where they show you a tiny dot of coloured light from a distance to simulate you getting light signals from the tower. If you can pass that (I just managed), then you would be deemed colour safe and that's it. If you can't pass that, then you can still fly, but daytime only - it will rule out commercial flying but not private flying.

        Full details are at http://www.caa.co.uk/default.aspx?catid=49&pagetype=90&pageid=528

        So if you want to fly, colour blindness need not be a handicap.

  13. Anonymous John
    FAIL

    But how does this explain events in the original Star Trek?

    Security wore red shirts, which guaranteed sudden death after beaming down. Not seduction by alien females.

    1. Jimbo 6

      That's because...

      ....wearing a red shirt, they got f***ed good and proper.

  14. Ian K
    Coat

    On the downside, the more red you wear...

    ...the more likely you are to get killed on away missions.

    Mine's the red one, with a Federation badge on the lapel.

  15. Ken 16 Silver badge
    Flame

    I'd like them to narrow the effect down a bit

    Don't want to buy a red suit just to find I'm pulling gorillas.

    no reason, other than being red

  16. halms
    WTF?

    really?

    i tot guys in total white turns girls on. owh well, its time for new wardrobe anyway

  17. Daniel 1

    This man is wearing red...

    Note to self: avoid gorillas.

  18. Nuke
    Coat

    ... unless its an El Reg T Shirt

    NCF

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Lubricious...

    ...is my new favourite word. Awesome.

    1. informavorette
      Heart

      AC, you are right!

      Dear El Reg, how can a reader get access to the official Reg Thesaurus?

      If visiting Vulture Central while wearing a tight red dress is enough, I'm off buying tickets to London.

      1. I didn't do IT.
        Pirate

        Re: tight red dress

        Yeah, that might work. Would have to borrow one from the missus.

        I better shave my beard first - but can I keep my moustache?

        Thanks. Icon? - shaving implements. :)

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Paris Hilton

        No blokes

        I think the tight red dress only works if you're female... of course, I could be completely misunderstanding the preferences of the Reg staff.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    well I suppose that explains...

    ...how Wayne Rooney manages to get laid.

    1. Rosco

      Something else

      No, I think that's more likely to be down to the gigantic piles of cash lying around his kennel

  21. Adrian Esdaile
    Stop

    Does this mean?

    ...actually means 'GO'?

  22. John F***ing Stepp

    And here I thought Sheep were color blind. . .

    Wait, no, gorillas; they said gorillas.

    I always get the words confused when an article lapses into Spanish.

    I still wonder why they look at me funny when I go to a Mexican restaurant and order a cheese gorilla.

    Maybe I am not wearing enough red.

    I bet if I put on my Star Trek red shirt I could have cool Monkey Sex (kids if you try this at home stay away from the sheep.) because I have a feeling that every Trekker out there thinks this way.

    I am 62 now; Luke I am your grandfather; breath, damn machine.

    I am old enough to remember black and white TV and wonder exactly how did the perception of the color red come over the airways back then.

    1. Anomalous Cowherd Silver badge

      Wow.

      Quite a train of thought you have there John.

      Perhaps this might be a good time to lay off the scotch?

    2. Anonymous John

      Simple.

      "Steve is going for the pink ball - and for those of you who are watching in black and white, the pink is next to the green."

  23. herman
    Heart

    Better red than dead

    Hmmm, so that explains why the wife liked my CCCP hammer and cickle T-shirt so much - got to go back to Kiev for a new one...

    1. Bumpy Cat
      Stop

      Bit far ...

      You can buy them down Camden market, and the tube fare is a bit cheaper than flying to Kiev ...

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Go

    Excellent news!

    I have red hair, I choose this article to mean that all women are irresistibly attracted to me no matter what I wear.

    ( AC because I'm ginger :( )

  25. smudge
    Coat

    That explains...

    ...all that rampant rutting in the House of Lords. All those fur-trimmed red robes...

  26. John Tserkezis
    Thumb Down

    Tried it. It doesn't work.

    Though I have to say I did get slapped less in response to my request...

  27. Apocalypse Later

    Vestments

    This must be what keeps those catholic cardinals so busy.

  28. JMB

    Red

    Nice thought of a Labour MP, wearing his red tie, being chased by a randy Gorilla.

  29. This post has been deleted by its author

  30. moonface

    England playing in red.

    Might explain the WAG phenomena but research still needs doing, as to why, they still play shit football!

    1. Snowy Silver badge
      Joke

      Maybe...

      To tied from all the off pitch action to perform on the pitch!

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Coffee/keyboard

    I'm a frickin lobster

    but it doesn't seem to matter, they scream and run and hide no matter what my oozing peeling hue as I shout "It's the colour of dominance, my sweet", waving my claws, desperately attempting to get laid through the steamy haze.

  32. jrhoo
    Pint

    red berry

    The gender 'stereotype' of girls liking red is true. It's evolutionary use is that women do the hunting for berries, which are red.

    Also someone mentioned the biochemical reason behind it.

  33. h4rm0ny
    Stop

    Not convinced.

    I have some serious doubts about this. When I see someone I would otherwise be attracted to wearing bright red, I usually find it pretty garish and unattractive. I'd go so far as to say I find the colour actually unattractive in most cases.

    1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: Not convinced.

      Well, it's obvious nature doesn't want you to breed, then.

  34. Frumious Bandersnatch
    Heart

    pretty women out walking with gorillas

    Well that explains the first line of that Joe Jackson song. Doesn't quite explain why the gorillas are attracted to males as per headline.

    <-- icon tailor made

  35. borboryghmi
    WTF?

    this explains....

    chris evans + billie piper. well his whole existance actually......

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