back to article 'Howling lesbian gangs' greet jailed Lindsay Lohan

Bespeckled thespiatrix jailbird Lindsay Lohan probably won't survive the estimated 23 days she'll spend in chokey, if the Sun is to be believed. Lohan's prison mugshot yesterday. Pic: Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department Lohan was greeted yesterday at the Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood, California, by "the …

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  1. envmod
    Heart

    heartz

    i am in love with Lindsay Lohan. that is all.

    1. Blofeld's Cat

      flowerz

      I didn't know you got Web access in the segregation unit.

    2. Seanmon
      Heart

      Amen

      Ah-men, my brother. Paris out now!

  2. Matthew 17

    Can't beat The Sun

    My wife loves this sort of crap, if it's written down it has to be all true.

    1. Scott 19
      Pint

      I'd love

      I'd love to go into a rant about how i believe the tabloids are one of the main reasons our society is going down the proverbial shitt*r but its lunch time and i'm going down the pub to have a pint and think about Miss Lohan and Miss Hilton in some sort of mud filled pit.

    2. Annihilator
      Happy

      Can't beat the Sun readers.. I've tried..

      If you think the articles are good, you should read the comments section. Poolie_Pete's is currently my favourite:

      "If it was England she would not of even got sentenced, she would of got 50 hours community service and then started partying with Jordan..."

  3. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    The Sun....

    ... and obvious bullshit go together hand in hand.

    Nothing whatsoever will happen to Ms.Lohan, she's nowhere near any other prisoners.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What a load of shit.

    Personal experience has taught me not just to take what the papers say with a pinch of salt, but to completely and utterly ignore them as most "scoop", "exclusive", "insider knowledge" from the tabloids is completely made up by the reporter twisting a simple sentance into a load of nonsense.

    1. Andus McCoatover

      It's the "silly season" for news.

      They'll make any bollocks up, just to flog the rag.

      Just like Lester's article about a 'stuffed' dog.*

      Hope her time in the nick isn't harsh, I don't think she did much wrong.

      *I'd give my left arm for Lester's job. Not my right arm, otherwise how could I set out the playmobil characters??

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    tc tc tc

    The register... Paying up to get past the wonderful paywall into the garden of Murdock... tc tc tc...

  6. Cornholio

    Erm...

    Lindsay who?

  7. deadlockvictim
    Thumb Down

    truthy

    Is this a word like 'normalcy'? Is it supposed to mean 'truthful'?

    1. Jimbo 6
      Joke

      > Ye Title <

      It's not 'supposed' to mean anything, it *does*.

      It's a perfectly cromulant word, just like 'endumbening'.

    2. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: truthy

      There was a whole thing about 'truthiness' with regards GWB, I seem to recall.

      You know, it's OK to use wordplay sometimes.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Coat

        Especially..

        ..while attempting to disrobe a drunken lexicographer..

    3. AndrewH

      @deadlockvictim

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Truthiness

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Pictures or Playmobil!

    I won't believe in howling lesbian gangs otherwise (although there was a karaoke night in Brighton which came close)

    Paris: ahead of the crowd

    1. joshimitsu

      Time for a slew of new emoticons:

      A Playmobil one, and a LiLo one?

  9. Michael Smith
    Alert

    Whats a jailbrid?

    Is that a lesbian jailbird?

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    Reg guidelines

    Don't i remember some previous Reg comment guidelines against allusion to prison rape, showers, picking up the soap etc? Its a fairly brutal mob-justice theme, and much as i think she's a rubbish actress and a bad driver, she doesn't deserve all this slavering over her fate at the hands of the gruesome US penitentiary system and its inmates.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Coffee/keyboard

      US penetratory system?

      Which box is that on my visa application?

  11. Ian McNee
    Stop

    Overcooked broccoli??

    That truly is cruel and unusual punishment! Say it's not so! Will somebody please PLEASE think of the children!

  12. LinkOfHyrule
    Paris Hilton

    They should remake Prisoner Cell Block H...

    They should remake Prisoner Cell Block H with Lohan and Paris. They could call it - Prisoner Cell Block Duh!!!!!!

    1. blackworx
      Coat

      You are now on a CHAAAARGE!

      For INsubordination!

      1. LinkOfHyrule
        Thumb Up

        HAHA!

        That programme rules! Best Australian TV show ever - that's not saying much about their telly really is it! Glad I'm not the only sad **** who watches it!

  13. g e

    Hahaha

    First to make her cry. Classic.

    Is she allowed to profit from selling her tale of being 'banged' up? Thought USA considered that proiting from crime.

    1. peyton?

      Sometimes

      The judge can rule that they are not allowed to earn any profit from their crime/incarceration, but it's not an actual law on the books.

      1. Pablo

        Actually there are

        They are sometimes referred to as "Son of Sam" laws, (after a particular serial killer). However, according to Wikipedia anyway, California's version of that law was ruled unconstitutional in 2002.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Just

    what would this scenario look like?

    Playmobile it for me

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hoorah for the balance! £

    now what is it again? 6 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 2 + the entire Nosferatu family + 1.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Prisoner Cell Block H

    Wondering why the thought of Lohan has put the dodgy Cell Block H into my head.

    Perhaps they should film here incarceration (documentary style) and show it on late night TV.

  17. Rogerborg

    "in chokey"?

    Is that a euphemism for 'non consensual cunnilingus'?

    1. teebie

      Ah this is awkward...

      Judging by this comment I'm not sure that that girl you are seeing, erm, is

    2. John Smith 19 Gold badge
      Happy

      @Rogerborg

      "Is that a euphemism for 'non consensual cunnilingus'?"

      Respect the idea.

      Happily this is one of many Britishisms for being in prison. As is "Banged up," which is a reference to the noise of heavy steel doors slamming.

  18. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Erich von Gotha now writing at the Sun?

    Amazing stuff.

    Moar!

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I don't believe it for a moment

    "turkey, served with apple sauce, broccoli and coleslaw, with a glass of milk"

    Turkey needs bread sauce or cranberry, apple is for pork.

    And no potatoes - no carbohydrates - that really is a bad diet.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Akins diet

      I thought that this was the Akins diet? Mind serving broccoli....if that was me I would want at least 3 days remission for eating it.

      TT

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I don't believe it for a moment

      "Turkey needs bread sauce or cranberry, apple is for pork."

      I read that as the apple sauce is for dessert.

      Turkey is best with gravy and mashed potatoes, and a side of girl-girl action.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Unhappy

        Believe it

        Well, all except the part about the apple sauce. That didn't come from an apple.

  20. jake Silver badge

    Don't give her any publicity.

    The silly little girl isn't in General Population, she's in isolation. Basically, she won't see anyone on the inside other than the guards. If you squint, she's on a coupe week holiday away from the gutter press. Should prove relaxing for her, at least in her tiny little mind. I'll bet a nickle she'll be back ... Lack of a basic education and recidivism is an ugly thing.

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Biopic

    "Lohan will reportedly being going full-frontal for Linda Lovelace biopic.. " That's gonna really suck.

  22. Citizen Kaned

    sick of celebrity

    why the hell should she have such good treatment. surely there are a few decent looking women cons in there too?

    i find it so odd that the USA is seemingly so soft on drink drivers.

  23. disgruntled yank

    California dreaming

    Did the Sun's ace reporters swing by the Oakland pot farms--covered in today's Register--en route to Los Angeles?

  24. OffBeatMammal

    reminds me of my favourite t-shirt...

    "Cover me in honey and throw me to the Lesbians" :)

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    if her acting skills were better

    she wudnt be in prison at all

  26. James 85

    Bootnote Question

    Regarding "* The drooling masses won't have to wait long to get a piece of this action. Lohan will reportedly being going full-frontal for Linda Lovelace biopic Inferno. In this case, it really is a matter of "if the story demands it"."

    Will the younger LL also get intimate with a dog to replicate some of the more unusual behaviour of the other older LL, if the story demands it? Let the people speak.

    I'd pay a fiver to see that in a cinema.

    1. TeeCee Gold badge
      Coat

      Re: I'd pay a fiver to see that in a cinema.

      Oh dear. English Heritage are going to have to lower their admission prices to compete with that.

  27. kain preacher

    @Citizen Kaned

    "i find it so odd that the USA is seemingly so soft on drink drivers."

    Oh its simple. Politicians are not going to pass laws to lock them selfs up. Sacramento is the state capitol of California. In Sacramento I've never seen so many damn bars and liquor stores in my life . Lindsey is locked up California

  28. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    Lohan what ?

    Who realy cares about this ?

    If you are adult enough to stuff up and not listen to the judge the first time tough luck.

    Pity they will not be keeping her in there for the whole time, maybe they should and then charge her $1000 per day for the holiday suite as well.

    There will be no next time one would hope.

    AND as for making money out of the experience all the money made aught be confiscated under the proceeds of crime rules.

    Silly silly spoiled brat.

  29. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    Happy

    I'm picturing the Sun reporter

    Sitting in an open plan office.

    In London

    Shawshank redemption in window 1.

    Story open in window 2.

    Assorted lesbian prison pron in windows 3,4,5,6,7.... .

    Pool of drool on the desktop as he's licking his lips over his latest "masterpiece".

    Prior to wandering off to the gents for a little quality me time.

    On about £64k a year.

    Most Merkins who have not visited The Septic Isle have little idea of what Saint Rupert's minions get up to. They associate newspaper journalists with *honesty*.

    You might like to find out where the National Enquirer recruits its top staff *from*.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Stereotype

      So, not so sure about the journalists, but lets just look at the editors of the Sun in recent years.

      Kelvin McKenzie

      Rebekah Brooks

      Dominic Mohan

      Now then I am not so sure about Dominic, but have heard both Kelvin and Rebekah speak. They struck me as both intelligent, and erudite, if a little in the case of Kelvin crude. I think that this picture is incorrect.

      1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

        Re: Stereotype

        Sun journalists are exceptionally intelligent people. They just don't have the same er, moral qualms as the rest of us, in the main. They're brilliant manipulators, it's what they do. You have to admire them, kinda. Oh wait, no you don't. They could have put their brains to much better use.

        Ach well.

        1. John Smith 19 Gold badge
          Happy

          @Sarah Bee

          "Sun journalists are exceptionally intelligent people."

          Not to mention sometime Sun TV "Critic" and current Mensa member Gary Bushell, whose erudition is an object lesson to us all.

      2. TeeCee Gold badge

        Re: Stereotype

        For quite some time, "Kelvin" was used as a euphemism for "holiday" in Private Eye. Everyone knew that it was short for "lying in the sun"......

    2. Andus McCoatover

      @ John Smith 19

      Shawshank Redemption?

      Now, You, Sir, have my full admiration and attention. A film I could'nt get out of my head for 6 months after I saw it, and still have dreams about it.

      Now, about the lesbo porn you mentioned....Brown paper bag, behind third washroom from the right in the gents at Victoria station OK with you? I'll put a pony* there, same place.

      *Nooo, Lester, Nooo! I mean 25 sovs, not the one you're currently melding your playmobil characters around, after your recent splendid (and, I might add, very collectable) article.

      1. John Smith 19 Gold badge
        Happy

        @Andus McCoatover

        "Shawshank Redemption?"

        Of course.

        That whole "Betting on who will make her cry" stuff is *remarkably* like the opening for the movie (not of course that I would suggest the Sun makes up stories).

        "Now, about the lesbo porn you mentioned....Brown paper bag, behind third washroom from the right in the gents at Victoria station OK with you? I'll put a pony* there, same place."

        A Sun journalist without near constant access to p()rn. Unthinkable.

        Some of mine seedier colleagues have mentioned "Chained heat" (I think they said it stars Linda Blair and the actress from the Emauelle films) and "Reform school girls" as minor classics in the soft core area of the genre. As for the rest I imagine a bit torrent search would bring up plenty of items for your viewing pleasure.

        Personally I will be settling down with a nice cup of tea to watch Frankie Boyle's new children's quiz show (I think it'll be a bit like "Runaround" for those of a certain age) "Uncle Fistie's funhouse."

        Tata.

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    No way

    LOL, you get people to believe anything. Do you really think that anyone is going to risk LL coming to any harm? That would be the end of celeb jail time, because the solicitors would have a party taking the prison owners to the cleaners.

    In addition, I'm disappointed by the mix of mean comments. Sure, she had it coming (plenty of opportunity to stop) and maybe this will break the habit at last, but it's still rather sad to see someone going to ground this way. Are we getting that far removed from being decent human beings? Just wondering..

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Big Brother

    surveillance

    How about we move the surveillance off the streets and into prisons where they should be. A camera in every room and a tracker on every prisoner and guard. That would end the flagrant malpractice and corruption pretty quick. And if you turn off a camera you get fired, and if one breaks down your electrician gets fired.

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Pint

    3 weeks?

    Wait, I thought she'd be in there for 6 months.

    Beer. Because it's what got here in there in the first place.

  33. martin gorner
    FAIL

    censored ?

    I wrote a post criticizing this article. Apparently, it has been "moderated out". This was unexpected on The Register.

    Basically, I concur with kevin 3 and I disagree with the general tone of this article. The author seems to find the idea of prison violence inflicted on Lindsay Lohan fun and pleasurable. I say the author should seek counsel and treatment.

    1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: censored ?

      He's not agreeing with the Sun, he's critiquing it by simply displaying how absurd the reporting is. It's satire. Don't worry.

  34. Hans 1
    Dead Vulture

    iT angle?

    The sun is not really the kind of newspaper I would bother reading .... now, please, where the fsck is the iT angle to this? I came to slowly accept your Leccy savvy coolness, because electric cars are "new technology", just like IT. Yet, here you are crossing the line of the unacceptable ... I read the article hoping to find an iT angle ... but no ... my time wasted, thanks!

    If I were interested in this sort of rubbish, I would already be in the know, anyway.

    The Paris Hotel icon is bad enough! Sooooo please, spare me the useless ...

    1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: iT angle?

      It's Bootnotes it doesn't need an IT angle HOW MANY TIMES?

      Couldn't you tell from the headline that this was going to be a frivolous story? How many hours of your time did reading it waste? Hmm?

      Bleedin' 'ell.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      IT Angle

      Aside from the classification of bootnotes the title "'Howling lesbian gangs' greet jailed Lindsay Lohan" might also be a bit of a hint? Unless of course one was expecting urls to the videos, sound tracks and photos.

      Personally I consider the Register publishing these stories as a bit of a public service. It is just possible to have too much 'IT'? OK so personally I ignore the classifiication but a title such as this just draws my mouse pointer across the screen..... no no Mr manager it is work related it's in The Register it's gotta be an important IT story.

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    Well....

    It seems my previous post, where I suggested that the choice of the officer to conduct Ms Lohan's cavity search might not have been entirely random.

    I did not suggest they would be exceptionally rough on Ms Lohan, merely that they might have had a small competition, and of course the suggestion was made in jest.

    I fully accept that the Corrections Officers of the Californian Penal System are men and women of unimpeachable integrity who would never dream of violating proper procedures in carrying out their duties.

  36. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    Go

    Segregation?

    My understanding is this is the place in US prisons for "Vulnerable" prisoners, informers, child molesters and others who have a worse than average chance of surviving in the general population.

    Can any USians confirm?

  37. Witty username
    Coat

    First to make her cry? the winner is....

    the justice system!

    Also, IT angle? (i jest ;D)

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