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back to article Igor-style human, animal parts assembly on horizon

Topflight Mancunian scientists believe they will soon pioneer an improved technique for splicing together human nerves. This could offer a range of benefits, not least the ability to assemble huge, powerful bodies out of miscellaneous human parts and implanted brains harvested from condemned criminal maniacs. It seems that a …

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  1. Rick Brasche
    Thumb Up

    more proof embryonic stem cells are a dead end

    yet another advance showing donor stem cells are the way to go, not only morally but technically superior. maybe those who created a false controversy about current Administration policies towards stem cell research will try another propaganda tactic. The Fed has always been willing to finance research into donor stem cell projects, but for some reason the Hollywood elite are only happy if they can strip stem cells from fetuses and abortion remains. A huge breakthrough in Australia, and now this-where the embryonic camp's biggest production is theories and possibilities, focussing on harvesting and bitching that their lack of success is caused by some nebulous "vast right-wing (or christian, or whatever group they want to demonize) conspiracy".

    No issues with rejection, no moral qualms, no concern of pandemic biological weapons compounds-a win win win situation. And no need to trot out Chris Reeve anymore whining about how only dead baby mojo can cure people injured by their own decisions and lifestyles.

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  2. Mike Hocker
    Happy

    Ooooh. Sign me up!

    Can't wait to add some modded parts, especially the cyborg brain connection to a tesselated quantum computer with gobs of stored information. Kurzweil Singularity here I come!

    For those not in the cerebellum but more in the amydala or maybe hypothalamus, what is the connection between Abbie Normal and ParisH?

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  3. Paul

    "...just as before"

    < The Prof. said "...they will be able to carry on just as before." >

    I hope he will, at least, suggest they should not repeat the bit where they went "I wonder what happens if I stick my hand in herAAAAARRRRGH?"

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  4. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    kit-form henchmen

    I can already imagine the catalogs...

    "Igör : comes in black, green or gray.

    Assembled size : 50cm*80cm*175cm.

    This product requires assembly"

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  5. Luther Blissett

    Why so silly?

    Why the Frankenstein angle? There's no need for it.

    There are plenty of impairments, due to accidents or degeneration, that result from nerve damage which could be rectified if this research can be applied. "Take up thy bed and walk" for instance, quite literally, if you think of the Bible rather than Bram Stoker.

    Shame.

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  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    monkey butlers

    what about the long sought monkey - coder?

    Companies dream with a programmer that works for peanuts, be available after hours, can be stored in the most hidden corner of the basement and...

    ... oh, wait...

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  7. Charlie van Becelaere

    Scientists?

    >Topflight Mancunian scientists believe they will soon pioneer an improved technique for splicing together human nerves.<

    They sound like proper boffins to me. Please watch your word choice more carefully in the future.

    Cheers

    (oh, and down the icons!)

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  8. Alex
    Paris Hilton

    for years I've been struggling to fit in...

    now perhaps I will finally be accepted for what I am...

    ...part man, part horse!

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  9. The Other Steve
    Flame

    @Brasche

    There are no moral qualms with embryonic stem cells unless you happen to be a dribbling sad ass christian fundie.

    You're a yank of course, so I figure there's maybe a 50/50 chance that you are.

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  10. Anonymous Coward
    Boffin

    good

    You have no idea what good news this is I need an Igor many projects that require a slave/ strong backed henchman to lift heavy components etc castles are expensive and I just can't pay a real employee right now.

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  11. Guy
    Coat

    @ kit-form henchmen

    Assembled size : 50cm*80cm*175cm.??

    This is El Reg, we don't deal in pesky cm's here!

    What's that in Grapefruits?

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  12. Eugene Goodrich

    Embryonic immigrants

    Re: more proof embryonic stem cells are a dead end

    Donor cells also guarantee that any medical technique will have to be custom for the patient. No better way to keep the cost of treatment in the millions of dollars than to use a process that cannot be genericized and prepared in a factory prior to diagnosis - and credit check.

    Re: (article quote) "it ought to be feasible to custom-build complete Lurch-style butlers or other handy menials to order"

    Isn't that what work visas are for? (Around my neighborhood, we would simple say "Mexicans".)

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  13. Matt Bryant Silver badge
    Coat

    pick-n-mix peeps is already here, it's just not a nice solution

    They already have the ability to surgically attach other people's body parts (limbs in particular), the main drawback is that unless the donor is a very close relative the receiver has to take large quantities of immuno-suppressants to stop the new part being rejected. These drugs have their own side effects which often mean damage to another part of the body such as the kidneys or liver. Being able to "grow" new nerves will make the process easier, but the rejection issue is still the biggest problem to solve.

    When it is, I'm sure we'll have the bodyjacking scenarios they used to have in the comic 2000AD, where rich old men paid for young men to be killed so their brains could be transplanted into the young and virile bodies! Reminds me, I must top up my pension....

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  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @Luther Blissett

    Never mind Luther, maybe they'll make a sense of humor add on just for you.

    (screw the icons)

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  15. Ian Damage
    Joke

    @ Alex

    Does thaht mean you're half-assed?

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  16. peachydave

    DUH...

    "And no need to trot out Chris Reeve anymore whining about how only dead baby mojo can cure people injured by their own decisions and lifestyles."

    Being that he died three years ago that would be tricky....

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  17. Keith Turner
    IT Angle

    Igors on demand

    "I need an Igor many projects that require a slave/ strong backed henchman to lift heavy components etc castles are expensive and I just can't pay a real employee right now"

    You are Terry Pratchett* and I claim my five pounds.

    *for the unenlightened read 'Carpe Jugulum'.

    Igor - a man of many parts - some of them are family heirlooms

    (doesn't need a Paris angle - just a bit of tissue will do to grow a new one)

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  18. James Penketh

    Yeth, Marthter...

    </obligatory>

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  19. Ben
    Go

    My god! they're all so thin.

    Hope for the terminally unhip........at last .

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  20. Jon Tocker

    @ Luther Blissett

    It was Mary Shelley who wrote "Frankenstein", not Bram Stoker (he wrote "Dracula") which you'd know if your library consisted of more than one book... or Book

    And in accordance with unofficial regclub rules, the moment I submit this post, an earlier post by someone else saying the same thing will have passed through moderation and been approved...

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  21. Chris Hawkins

    Fundies....

    Well, I happen to believe in the "Management Upstairs", so technically one could call me a Christian Fundie...

    However, methinks this news is excellent.

    ..brings a totally new meaning to the term "Born Again"! :)))))))

    BTW, why are only IGOR's getting press on this fred????

    What about Frank'n'furter??????

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  22. Adrian Waterworth
    Coat

    @Chris Hawkins

    I'm afraid that it's all over for Frank'n'furter. His mission was a failure and his lifestyle too extreme.

    I've forgotten my coat, but there seem to be lots of basques, fishnet stockings and suspenders around here all of a sudden...

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  23. Kane
    Coat

    @ Guy

    Actually, the Grapefruit (gf) is used to measure Volume. The correct unit of measurement here is the EU standard (Florentine) linguine (unboiled at sea level), to measure Length (and Height and Width, although I may be taking liberties here, but if Lester and Lucy can't be bothered to establish the correct equivalents, then I shall use the tools that are available...)

    Based on the above equivalent, a self-assembly Igor would come in at the following dimensions: 3.57lg*5.71lg*12.5lg

    And to answer Mike Hocker's question, about 15 neurons (on Abbie Normals' side)

    OK, OK, I'll retrieve my mantelet and await without for an Igor driven carriage....

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  24. Chris Hawkins

    Adrian Waterworth

    >>>>but there seem to be lots of basques,.... around here all of a sudden...

    Not posting from Bilbao are you?

    Remember seeing a lot of strange people there wearing berets and strange nationalistic type dress....perhaps the fishnet stockings and suspenders are worn underneath?

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  25. TeeCee Gold badge
    Coat

    @Adrian

    No coat, but a lot of basques?

    Are you trying to say that you've got all your Basques in one Exit?

    The flameproof suit please.....

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  26. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Chimerae

    So what is wrong with being half-horsed??

    Whilst we in the states are having a bit of difficulty with respect to the maternal/fetal signalling of our merged equine:humans (but making progress with the help of every biomed scientific paper published on the 'net-- advanced neural connect and rejection research helps with xenomods for those of us that are already multicellular), the bigger fear is becoming stake flambe' courtesy of deluded Eloi fundies led by the demented torch bearing GWB. Typical post-NeoLuddite "if I wasn't born with it..." behaviour.

    Not much of a difference I guess from the Euros having a Frank'n'furter weenie roast.

    People need to escape from their soon to be antiquated MarkI Human Bodies-- do you want to be the human equivalent of a Difference Engine, or a Blue Gene? Upgrade now! Our phone lines are open!

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