back to article Middle-aged sex is crap: Official

A study of 1,752 weary adults has shown that after the age of 45, it's downhill all the way when it comes to getting your end away. The rot actually sets in at 40, according to Kwai Garlic, which commissioned the survey. Three-quarters of those quizzed said that's the age at which sex started to become less of an earth-moving …

COMMENTS

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  1. Arnold Lieberman
    Unhappy

    "down" to 22 minutes per week?

    I must have missed something (or rather, am missing).

  2. Josco
    Paris Hilton

    IT Angle?

    Mathematically interesting, but the IT angle is....?

    Well over 50 myself so found it difficult to even read the article.

    Paris - because I have never used her before and never will again.

    1. Blake St. Claire
      FAIL

      Re:

      The IT angle is -- of course -- that stronger glasses/spectacles are needed to see the bootnotes heading.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Kwai Garlic?

    You're not coming near me with your breath smelling like that!

  4. LuMan
    Paris Hilton

    Is it so wrong..

    ....to request a Playmobil depiction of this?

    1. Havin_it
      Coat

      Is it worth it?

      It'd be either a couple of saggy Playmates (terminology?) in a bed just reading a book, or a darkened room. What's the point?

      I'll get my dressing-gown...

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    the ages of 29, 32 and 36

    Why the dips in form at ages 30-31 and 33-35?

    We need to know.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      maybe

      30-31 Marriage

      33-35 Kids

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    a

    I think you'll find that may be just for those who choose not to experiment. It's no surprise that most BDSM groups are full of middle ages folks, often who've divorced from boring partners.

    Unhappy because more of us young people should be adventurous too.

  7. S Larti
    Coffee/keyboard

    Another bloody survey labelled Official?

    I'd say something but I probably haven't got the energy to drag my sagging body to the keyboard...

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    Spookily truthful

    Those buggers must've been reading my diaries!

  9. Eddy Ito

    The next questions

    Is there a tie with the medications and obesity studies? Do the meds make us less randy and does pumping all that extra mass 'round the middle mean we tire quicker? Really, I need to know what to expect in the next all too few years.

    1. Lionel Baden
      Coat

      there i fixed it :)

      'round the middle mean we tyre quicker?

      ok ok im going

    2. Lottie
      Coat

      @ does pumping all that extra mass 'round the middle mean we tire quicker?

      yes, we spare tyre quicker

      I'll get me coat

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Shit

    I'm 44, and that article was written by someone with a spycam in my house (a low light one, because the lights are off)

    Bastards.

  11. censored
    Unhappy

    Once a week?

    I'll be lucky

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Once a week?

      Obviously you're not a fan of the Carry On films otherwise you'd know that "Once a week is enough for any man."

      Dr. Tinkle (Kenneth Williams): Matron, you may not realize it but I was once a weak man!

      Matron (Hattie Jacques) : Doctor, once a week is enough for any man!

  12. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    Look on the Bright Side

    When Sex is Bad is Love Missing and Passion AWOL?!.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Mid Life Crisis??

    That's why you see so many over 45's driving high powered sports cars with women half their age , an extension of their whatever.

    Was only getting started at 45 having sired my second daughter around that age.

    Mines is the one with the Canadian Pharmacy blue pills in the pocket.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Pictures or it didn't happen

    Oh, so that's why there are no piccies...

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Tai Chi

    ...is the way forward. It'll keep you fit and healthy and full o' beans. Made a *huge* difference to my sex life.

  16. Gil Grissum
    Pint

    Still Randy at 46

    It's absolutely no problem for me. I'm still quite Randy at 46 and quite able to perform. My lovely accountant girlfriend age 30 is giving me the workout of my life and helping me burn a ton of calories and shed the middle. Nutt'n but love. Get in shape and get back to the shaggin, I say.

    1. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: Still Randy at 46

      "I am very virile and have a hot young girlfriend but I don't feel the need to boast about it to strangers on the internet."

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        @Sarah Bee

        When you're 46 you might have changed your mind.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        FAIL

        @Sarah Bee - Still Randy at 46

        Hey Sarah, you seem sarcastic and regard that guy as boasting, but this IS a discussion on whether you can still be randy in middle age. Therefore his post is relevant and valid.

        It's no different from (say) a discussion on a Dynocorp Eyeblaster video card where someone says it doesn't work with Linux versions after 2.4. Then someone else says his Eyeblaster video card works fine with v2.6.23 - and you chip in to accuse him of boasting!

        To add to the statistics, I am well over 45 and don't have the problem either, although (to my knowledge) I have never tried it with an accountant. In fact if anything it has got better as I have grown calmer about it as I have got older.

    2. Trevor_Pott Gold badge

      Hear, hear

      Best way to lose weight is good cardio. Sex fits the bill.

  17. David Simpson 1
    Thumb Down

    It's always all downhill when you're going down a hill....

    So they measured how people contextualise sexual encounters and gave us some random statistics describing how people felt about their bodies at the exact time they were ticking the box.

    So much of this can be culturally biased, Why does anyone pay for this sudo scientific nonsense?

    1. frank ly
      Unhappy

      you got me

      I tried typing 'sudo scientific nonsense' on a Linux command line and my computer froze up! What was that about?

      1. Blake St. Claire

        sudo intelligence

        I tried it to, but got "sudo: scientific: command not found" instead of my computer freezing.

        similar results for `sudo intelligence` and `sudo teach me to spell`.

        Curiously , `sudo make me a sandwich` had a slightly different result.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Unhappy

      When you're going downhill, you pick up speed.

      So why do I feel like I'm slowing down?

  18. Muth
    Thumb Down

    ROFL

    Unbelievable piece of fiction, as clearly the only people who commented in the poll were the sex starved portion of the 45+ population. Sex is fabulous, with the right partner of course... ;)

  19. Blubster
    Coat

    Rubbish!

    I'm 55 and have sex nearly every night.

    I nearly had it last night, and nearly had it the night before and so ad infinitum.

  20. Punit
    Grenade

    45 is "middle aged"?

    Really?

    1. Jan 0 Silver badge

      45 is very middling!

      0 - 30 young

      30 - 60 middle

      60 - * old

    2. Bucky 2
      Pint

      Not really.

      "Middle aged" would be life expectancy divided by two. So 45 would only be middle-aged if your life expectancy were 90 years old.

      45 is therefore POST middle-aged, unfortunately.

  21. James Pickett

    @Sarah

    Spot on, as usual :-)

    (I'm 58 and I admit nothing)

  22. Jon Wilson
    Go

    Re: Still Randy at 46

    Accountant you say? Phwoar!

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Ah! memories...

    "while 64 per cent only make love with the lights off"

    On our honeymoon, the wife wanted to make love with the lights on, so I left the car door open.

  24. Laurent_Z
    Thumb Up

    Hey, read it all...

    It's a study on...married couples...

    The counter study should be made in a place like Pattaya, where at 45 you are a young springy buck getting ready for the second threesome of the day...

    Up, because the article is already full of downess

  25. Inachu
    Flame

    LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    It's more fun with a younger woman.

  26. Ken Hagan Gold badge
    Paris Hilton

    "completely shattered"

    Is this a problem? Surely if you've any energy left at the end then you stopped too soon.

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    For what it's worth...

    THIS is not the way it is supposed to be. I am 62. But look to be in my 40's -early 50's. I am not a vegetarian, but eat more than my share of vegetables. I have been ( 4 yrs ago ) a huge steak / chops & ribs eater. I wondered WHAT IS HAPPENING to my libido?? FIX IT!!!! ... NOW it's salads. Poultry and Fish, ( baked ). Oatmeal. Fruit, and such. My blood-pressure is MUCH better. Proper Sleep aids memory. Taking Vitamin C crushed into powder later in the day, along with the Oatmeal for breakfast helps keeps arteries clear of plaque. This ALONE aids male potency. And confidence. The great thing is I am now sought after. Again Flabby, NO. Exhausted, NO. Running NO. NOT GOOD. Jogging better but not needed. Brisk walking? AHA. YES. 5x weekly. THIS is my LIFE! My BODY for LIFE! Take care of it. Your body is as one of my research associates says the FINEST machine on earth! Take care of it.

    1. George of the Jungle

      Bah

      All fine pieces of machinery need some grease now and again. :)

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Linux

    Rubbish!

    I'm 44 and have sex most nights of the week. Sometimes for several hours at a time. The survey respondents must be making the mistake of having it with someone else.

    1. asiaseen

      In other words

      the best orgasms are hand made.

  29. Puck

    What happened...

    ...to the innumerable surveys proclaiming sex got better with age?! I think I feel a bit heartbroken at reading this story. No more confirming difficulty of old age please. Jon

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Once a week?

    At age 45+?

    Riiiiight.

    Once every 4-6 months I'd have believed.

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Only four years

    and I'll be having my 22 minutes of sex a week. Can't wait!

    Oh wait, is this not a statutory right?

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Wow

    Physical capabilities decline with age shocker.

    63% of retirees indicated that their monthly love-making attempt was accompanied by a somewhat off-putting creaking sound.

    1. Chemist

      Re : Wow

      "63% of retirees indicated that their monthly love-making attempt was accompanied by a somewhat off-putting creaking sound."

      They should get a new bed or whatever !

  33. Atilla the Hun (No relation)
    Go

    <smug mode>

    That is all.

    </smug mode>

  34. Davey Bee

    @ for what it's worth: 22 June 21:25

    "I am 62. But look to be in my 40's -early 50's".

    You self-deluded, conceited pillock. No you don't. And anyway, how could you know that? Oh sorry, I forgot - you probably continually ask people how old they think you are. And maybe they're nice to you. God help us all (and especially our daughters) from creeps that think they look young.

    1. crowley
      FAIL

      reality not congruent with your patronising

      That's not impossible.

      At 29, I got ID'd buying alcohol.

      At 34, in a pub with a mate, got talking to some random and was asked what PhD I was doing... 'how old do you think I am?' I asked, the answer - 'err, 23 maybe?'.

      My girlfriend is 30, and gets ID'd quite regularly.

      Some of us just seem to grow old slower than others - get over it.

  35. jake Silver badge

    Around here (Sonoma, California)

    The saying is "50 is the new 30". Sometimes "60 is the new 30".

    I'm fiftyish, and in far better shape than I was in my mid-20s. Proper nutrition & decent exercise are the key.

  36. This post has been deleted by its author

    1. jake Silver badge

      @Mike Flex

      Well, they do say girls are good at figures ...

      (I'd apologize if I were sorry, Sarah ... I seem to be channeling Vivian Stanshall these days ;-)

  37. Doug Glass
    Go

    "It6's Been A Hard Day's Night"

    I'm 64 and I still love it. The problem is finding a partner (female) that can stay interested long enough. "Oh yes honey I .... Oh Look, a squirrel!"

  38. Doug Glass
    Go

    The Worst Sex I Ever Had ...

    ... was wonderful.

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It all depends..

    ... On what kind of relationship you're in. I was getting it daily well into my 50s, often more than once, from an exceptionally enthusiastic younger woman whom I considered the best fcuk in the universe. Then one day things kind of fell off a cliff and it's never been the same since. That would have been ... hmm ... shortly after we got married.

    AC because, well, I don't want to hear this read out in court one day.

  40. Rattus Rattus

    Nonsense

    I have sex every night!

    ...wait, did they mean with someone else?

  41. Dodgy Geezer Silver badge
    Dead Vulture

    And the obligatory...

    "I'm ninety-five, you know......"

    .

    .

    .

    .

    "What was the question again?....."

  42. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    while 64 per cent only make love with the lights off

    That's because if they turn the lights on the young woman over the road will see them.

  43. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re. "Six in ten confessed they are "always ready for a nap straight after sex""

    I thought that was normal for the five in ten of us known as men anyway?!?

  44. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Sissies

    > one in 20 who now fear cardiac arrest if they attempt to relive past sexual glories

    But what a way to go! 15 scantily clad bunnies, a waterfall of champagne, full brass band, the works!

    Oh. You didn't have that? I pity you.

  45. qwarty

    middle aged sex is the best

    At least thats how I read it, so long as you look after your health and avoid obesity. Apparently around 25% reckoned best sex after 40 - sounds about right to me.

    The morality skew. Long term relationships, marriage, lots of positive to be said for it. But I've never personally heard anyone honestly claim a great sex life after 10-20 years as a couple. Just doesn't happen tho many pretend it does. Wonder how many in the survey would change their opinion if met someone new.

    In otherwords interpreting survey as crap sex for under is 20s or whatever is just ageist twaddle.

    1. John Sanders
      Thumb Up

      In my case at least...

      Frequency is less, but quality is much improved. My partner and I agree we're more satisfied than before. So in my case yes, it got better quality with age (much better than when on my 20+)

      Children (specially little ones with tendency to sneak into your room at midnight) are a heavy sex deterrent.

  46. TeeCee Gold badge
    Happy

    Sometimes.

    I just have to feel some sympathy for those less fortunate in life than me.

    This, on the other hand, is one of those times when I get to take the piss, wear a silly grin and feel very smug.

  47. CaptainBlue
    Coat

    Your Mileage May Vary

    I shall join the smug mode: I left my wife when I was 47 and for the past year or so, having met and moved in with a woman who models part-time, I can honestly say my sex life is incredible.

  48. BondGirl007
    Happy

    Age is irrelevant

    Your partner and your state of mind are the winning factors. I am 48 (f) and my partner is 51 (m). Sex has never been better and is sometimes not only every day but multiple times a day. When I was in my mid-twenties to mid-thirties, my partner was an awful person. The sex was just as awful and extremely infrequent.

    I won't be trading my partner in anytime soon.

    Not smug, just very, very happy.

  49. Colin 4
    Thumb Up

    69

    Ironically, thats how many comments there were when i posted this .... I'm guessing there's not much of that going on either ....

  50. In Bed

    Too damn tired to finish?

    If you Brits are too out-of-shape to finish sex, I can't even bear to imagine what the survey results would be like for my fellow fat-ass Americans. Yikes!

    jill

    In Bed With Married Women

    http://inbedwithmarriedwomen.blogspot.com

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