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back to article Blokes spend 11 months in shed

A survey of 3,000 blokes has confirmed what most of us already knew - that during our lifetimes we'll spend an impressive 11 months holed up in the shed, and not necessarily doing anything constructive. According to the Sun, the average geezer will retreat to his wooden bolt-hole for for three hours, 20 minutes a week. The …

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  1. The_Police!
    Coat

    Queue

    my shed or yours for some coffee *wink wink*?

    Ta, mines the one with shed-less.

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  2. Havin_it
    Flame

    Study overlooks one small detail

    Namely that the vast majority of our country's largely-urbanised population -- and thus the "average bloke" -- will never HAVE their own garden or at least one larger than a postage-stamp, so that's NO months in the frickin' shed for most of us.

    You insensitive clods.

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    1. Geeks and Lies
      Reply Icon
      Go

      I detect shed envy...

      clearly this man does not have his own shed, this is totally unfair and should be raised as part of the election campaign, sheds for all men!!

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      1. Code Monkey
        Reply Icon

        I agree with Nick

        In fact sheds for all blokes is one of the Lib Dems' lesser-known Unlikely Election Promises.

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        1. Les Matthew
          Reply Icon

          Lib Dem ploy

          One Shed to rule them all, One Shed to find them,

          One Shed to bring them all and in their solace bind them.

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      2. Anonymous Coward
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        Anonymous Coward

        Sheds for all people

        ..I certainly don't begrudge women their sheds either. Good for harmony between the genders, innit?

        Sheds for all!

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    2. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Coat

      Adding the IT angle...

      If you don't have a shed, then use the study as I do. At least you've got a legitimate reason for having a PC and a handy copy of MW2/GTA/Civ4/whatever-floats-your-boat-gamewise in there. Of course, if it's Civ4 you'll probably be spending a lot more than 11 months of your life in the study.

      And if you don't have a shed OR a study (what kind of peasant ARE you???!) then you can always head to the smallest room of the house with a laptop for a couple of hours. If your laptop is not poweful enough for games then I'm sure you can find something else to do with it in a small room containing toilet paper and a lockable door.

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      1. Boring Bob
        Reply Icon

        Loo

        A shed is a rich man's loo.

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        1. Andus McCoatover
          Reply Icon
          Coat

          Loo?

          Nah. A shed is a poor man's pub. <Onslow> where's me bottle-opener?</Onslow>

          Mine's the one with the mäyräkoira in my Barbour's poachers pocket*

          http://mediaserver-2.vuodatus.net/g/7396/87222.jpg and http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/m%C3%A4yr%C3%A4koira (item 2)

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    3. Anonymous Coward
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      Pint

      Ah...

      That's what allotments are for.

      Don't forget to stop off at the greengrocers on the way home for some veg so the missus'll think you've actually been gardening.

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    4. some vaguely opinionated bloke
      Reply Icon
      Joke

      I had one shed, and was thinking of getting another.

      Yours,

      Arthur Jackson.

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      1. Frantisek Janak
        Reply Icon
        Heart

        Yay

        Pleased to have you here in the studio, Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson!

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    5. Anton Ivanov
      Reply Icon
      Flame

      Shed is storage

      Even if you are not urbanised I can only envy someone who has space in the shed to spend 3h a week. It takes me half an hour on average to clear the access route to the stuff I need and 15 mins at the end to pile back all the junk.

      In any case - if you want a retreat build a loft office, not a shed. More comfortable :)

      Your only problem is that once junior has reached the tender age of 14+ he will wage a war to evict you out of there and swap his room for the loft (for similar reasons you went to the loft in the first place).

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  3. Geeks and Lies
    Pint

    I love my shed

    Its my sanctuary where i keep all my stuff :)

    Its being rebuilt next year into a nerd palace, i have been drawing it all up in CAD. Will be heated in the winter and cooled in the summer, a full lan, its own wifi network, workbench for car maintanence, workbench for computing work, freesat, coffee machine, really its an extra mini house all for me :)

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    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Wouldn't it be easier...

      To annex your neighbours house and tie him up in the basement and play with his workbench/freesat/coffee machine etc?

      Then when you break his power drill or block his toilet you can annex someone else's house. That's what I do.

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    2. Anonymous Coward
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      Anonymous Coward

      Do you hate your wife?

      Just wondering.

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      1. Richard 120
        Reply Icon

        I don't think it's about hate

        it's just about peace

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    3. Stevie
      Reply Icon

      Bah!

      But one day you'll open the door and find some East European itinerant cooking a swan in there, who will have sold all your nerdstuffs for glue and crack money.

      Seems such a waste.

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  4. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    Blokes in Sheds

    Obviously a survey of blokes with absolutely no lives or ambition at all.

    Plus, The Sun, so can it really be believed???

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    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Ambition?

      What? Surely its every blokes ambition to have a bigger shed?

      My shed/garage (I have both - Bwahhahahahah. And a study BwaAAHAHAHAHAHHA) is full of bits of cars, karts, racing cars, beer fermenting barrels, lathes, milling machine, compressor, welders etc....think that probably qualifies as having a life.

      Of course with three children, I never get to play with all that stuff. That's is where your life really goes....

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    2. Cameron Colley
      Reply Icon

      No lives or ambition?!?

      As someone too poor to own a house, let alone one with a garden or shed, my ambition is to actually own a house with a shed that I can retreat to.

      Not everyone wants to be "special" some of us just want to lead happy, relatively relaxed, lives.

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    3. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      FAIL

      The fuck are you on?

      Everyone knows the worlds greatest inventions were all created by an English bloke in a shed. Frank Whittle will be spinning in his grave.

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      1. Andus McCoatover
        Reply Icon

        Not just English..

        Hewlett-Packard, Steve Jobsworth, Heathkit, NASA, El Reg even...

        Shed's are where the world starts. Christ, I could even believe the first Space Shuttle was built in a shed. I joke not. A bloke in the next shed told me it was so via the 'beancan 'n' string' speaking telephone thingy, an' he wouldn't lie. Not after a 6-pack of "truth serum", natch. Oh, and I sat in the same classroom as Sir Frank Whittle, by the way*. OK, 40 years separated us, but...

        *Leamington College, recently Binswood Hall, nowadays Bugger Hall. http://www.geograph.org.uk/photo/25621

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    4. Boring Bob
      Reply Icon

      Get a life, get a shed

      So Aidan is not interested in have a shed. How sad is that?

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  5. Tom 7

    Only 11 months?

    Thats some lousy homebrew kits your using there!

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  6. Baggypants

    Alone in the Shed

    Adam Buxton Documented this

    http://adam-buxton.co.uk/ad/2010/01/08/alone-in-the-shed-part-1-2-news/

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  7. Eddy Ito

    Seems short

    11 months just doesn't seem like enough time in the man cave when you consider we'll spend about 25 years sleeping.

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  8. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    One shed? Are they daft?

    Why have one shed when two or more do the job very well indeed.

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  9. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    No problem

    Buy a very large wooden playhouse for the kids, convince the Missus it's all about getting the kids out in the fresh air, then when the kids get bored, you sit down there in the Summer, granted having to put up with posters of Jonas and Zac Effron, with your laptop pretending to be checking on work, but really having a crafty gaming session and checking the latest exploits of a certain Miss Pinder!

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  10. Anonymous Coward
    Big Brother

    Pubs

    Well what do you expect if you close down all the pubs and charge £18,000 for a pint of glow-in-the-dark iLager in the few that remain?

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  11. Andrew_F

    To quote Charlie Brooker:

    PR-reviewed phindings (peeyarr-rev-yood-fyne-dings) n.

    Light-hearted newspaper article based around any risible "scientific survey" produced by a marketing agency to promote a product or service; eg: "It's the BREAST news men have heard in years - Britain's women are set to evolve BIGGER BOOBS in future, according to scientists at Cardiff's Wonderbra Institute of Titology."

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/feb/02/charlie-brooker-new-media-dictionary

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  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Shed as a study

    When I moved to my current home, I found that the previous occupant actually had a study int he garden shed. Carpeted floor, wall sockets (though not very safe) and had his computer out there.

    He probably made it comfy so he could relax in between knocking off a program (etc)

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  13. Anonymous John
    Thumb Up

    Shed heaven

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/4543675.stm

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  14. Ginolard

    Re Blokes in sheds

    "Obviously a survey of blokes with absolutely no lives or ambition at all"

    Sooooo.....the average Sun reader then?

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  15. Master Baker
    Thumb Down

    Shed woes

    Problem with the shed is that the missus can and does bother you. Banging on the door, moaning away blah blah blah.

    When I want some time, I find the most effective thing is to make my way to the loo and have a really big shit. She knows it's my time and never, ever comes-a-knocking whilst I'm curling one out.

    I suppose you could fit a lavvy in the shed.... Never thought of that.

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    1. Andus McCoatover
      Reply Icon

      You aint got it, Mr. Baker

      "Problem with the shed is that the missus can and does bother you. Banging on the door, moaning* away blah blah blah"

      You must be avin' one of them moments. (Wish my missus was even moaning while banging..but maybe in another life.)

      You and your pub-mate on the next allotment should agree to swap sheds. She battle-axes the door down to find the whiff is from the other bloke's missus' dodgy vindaloo. Naturally, you return the complement with a nice patch of freshly-fertilised runner beans. Fair's fair.

      Sorry, can't make Sunday dinner this weekend....

      *Assuming no ASBO...

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  16. Riscyrich
    Thumb Up

    @ Geeks and Lies

    Exactly what I'm doing this gear except it's not a shed, more a double garage with workshop. Will be installing internet connection, leccy, water, drains, extract systems, oil fired heater (using waste oil from cars, cooking etc.), solar panels on roof for water heating etc.

    Of course beer fridge, dart board and coffee machine are a must :-)

    Might actually get to play a few hours of Counter Strike / Killing Floor / L4D without being pestered...

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  17. LuMan

    Er..

    Am I the only man who uses his as a safe place to have a wank?

    Paris, 'cos I'm of to me shed.....

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    1. Steven Raith
      Reply Icon
      Paris Hilton

      Your own shed?

      Surely breaking into your neighbours shed for a quick shuffle is far more exciting? The alien environment, the risk of getting caught!

      Er, I would imagine.

      Steven R

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      1. LuMan
        Reply Icon

        YES!!

        Just tried it! So much more exciting...

        I think...

        Oooh

        Erm...

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    2. Andus McCoatover
      Reply Icon

      You've just clarified...

      ...the difference between an egg and a wank.

      You can beat an egg.

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  18. Anonymous Coward
    Go

    re: @Having_IT.

    For the urbanites amongst us, with no space for an actual shed, you could do what we've done and virtualise your shed instead:- Multi-screens, multi-core, huge memory, and install lots of lovely 3D packages and virtual worlds, mostly open source. We call this machine our Digital Shed. Simples...

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  19. Trygve Henriksen

    Eeemil!!!

    Of course we all know what happens in a shed.

    You sit there, carving more or less indecent wooden figures...

    If you happen to have a beer(or a plank leading from a small window over to the window of another building where food and drink is stored) or a TV, well, that's just a bonus.

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  20. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Sometimes...

    Women like to hide in the shed from the men.

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    1. Hardcastle
      Reply Icon
      Coat

      At first glance, I thought it said...

      "Women like to hide in the shed FOR the men."...

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  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Sheds

    8x10 of zero compromise. You need that tucked away somewhere in your life.

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  22. JohnG

    I don't need a shed

    I set up the kitchen with comfy chairs a phone and satellite TV from the wife's home country. She has the kitchen, I have the lounge - no worries.

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  23. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Ther u go?

    Ta-da?

    http://www.waltons.co.uk/waltons-helios-summer-houses

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  24. David 45

    New law

    Owning a shed should, I feel, be compulsory. Now THERE'S a new idea for an election manifesto!

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  25. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    I build an office in my home.

    It's got a double beer fridge, 6ft4 sofa bed, independent heating, a wet room/shower/toilet etc, and huge telly, and dvds and bluray etc.

    I reckon I've spent 11 months, just this year, out of the way of the wife and kids.

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  26. sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD

    I would like to know...

    Can anyone tell me how to build a shed in an apartment?

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  27. deadlockvictim
    Thumb Up

    Go to Donegal in Ireland to see how to use sheds properly

    Battle lines drawn at 'bog bar'

    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055216662&page=3

    http://www.independent.ie/national-news/battle-lines-drawn-at-bog-bar-1321193.html

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  28. MeRp

    Man Cave

    In the US... at least around here... this is called a man cave. It is where we can go to get in touch with our more primitive side. Usually here it is a garage, though some have a shed or a shop to get all cave man in.

    It is a place of simplicity and where your list of tasks gets shorter due to completion, rather than longer. If you finish something outside the man cave, it is nearly inevitable to hear "since you've finished that so quick, why don't you ..." followed by a list of various increasingly onerous tasks.

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  29. druck Silver badge
    Alert

    Re: sometimes

    Any decent shed will be full of oily bits of equipment, cobwebs and spiders, no women will venture there - thank gawd!

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  30. Anonymous Coward
    Pint

    uncle wilco

    Thanks you can still share your shed for Shed of the year which commissioned this survey until 20th May over at www.readersheds.co.uk

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  31. fred #257
    Pint

    Another brilliant misleading headline...

    I instantly thought "what the heck were they doing for 11 months in a shed?"

    Trying to set some sort of Guinness record? Hiding from the authorities who for some reason couldn't cross the threshold? (Like the old law of sanctuary in churches). Building some project and they forgot what the time was?

    The truth is so much more mundane...

    (The icon is one thing sheds are good for....)

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