back to article No penis pumping for Papuan plod

Papuans whose todgers have been unnaturally enhanced are as of right now barred from joining the police on the grounds that such members are a "hindrance during training". According to local media, Papua police chief Bekto Suprapto confirmed that an aspiring plod "will be asked whether or not his vital organ has been enlarged …

COMMENTS

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  1. Stuart Elliott
    Heart

    Inquisitive minds.

    .. want to know where we can pick up one of those trees.

    For purely academical purposes of course.

    1. Aaron Em

      Not hard to find an equivalent, I think

      They have stinging nettles in England, right?

    2. Ken Hagan Gold badge
      Paris Hilton

      Re: Inquisitive minds...

      ...also want to know more about the training that a large penis inhibits.

  2. S Larti
    Coat

    Is that a truncheon in your pocket...

    inspector Wang?

  3. Neil Barnes Silver badge
    WTF?

    Papual plods...

    Am I the only one who read that as 'Papal Plod' and raised a slightly quizzical eyebrow?

    1. Fred Flintstone Gold badge
      Coat

      Nah..

      .. you're not young enough.

      The cassock, thanks..

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Pint

    Makes sense...

    After all, you already have to be a c*ck to want to be a cop. Why exaggerate the matter?

  5. Christoph
    Unhappy

    That's all we needed!

    Now we all have to update our spam filters to block adverts for "gatal-gatal"

  6. Code Monkey

    "Naturally talented in the trouser department"

    People who are "naturally talented in the trouser department" (cracking turn of phrase there, Reg) aren't copper material at all. They don't have that need to order people around.

  7. Craigness

    Suppliers?

    Where can I get some leaves?

    It's for a friend.

  8. This post has been deleted by its author

  9. SlabMan

    Baby's arm of the law

    Cue the truncheon jokes

  10. The March Hare
    Coat

    regulation size truncheon?

    What?... What?... oh, OK - I'm going....

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Megaphone

    Cost Cutting

    Surely this is a bonus, they can reduce their costs by not supplying truncheons to such well equipped officers.

  12. Graham Bartlett

    All very well, but...

    Let's say you've just wrapped your todger with leaves from the itchy tree so that it swells up like a whole bunch of bee-stings. That's got to hurt some. Anyone who's in the mood for action with a mutilated member probably has more serious mental issues - and in that case, stopping them being coppers is probably a good idea.

    Mind you, it gives whole new life to jokes about "private dicks".

    1. Robinson

      err

      In my humble opinion, you've clearly spent too much time thinking about this issue.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Stop

    Maybe not, eh?

    "..wrap their wedding tackle in leaves from the gatal-gatal (itchy) tree, causing it to expand "like it has been stung by a bee".

    Just how phallicly challenged do you need to be to think this is a good idea? Remember guys, just say "no".

  14. Eddy Ito
    Coat

    Mind you

    This is simply a matter of "he said, she said", no wait... "mine is bigger than yours"? yes, that's it. I can't but wonder if the commissioner wasn't itching to get this matter resolved.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Go

    Gatalisation

    The Gatal effect or Gatlisation must be temporary. Otherwise this will render many plastic surgeons jobless.

  16. alyn

    Dont try this at home!

    I was stung by a bee (or wasp) when I was six years old. It did no permanent damage (as far as I know), but I cried my eyes out all the way to the doctors surgery.. Also it made no permanent improvement.

  17. Majid
    IT Angle

    Always wanted to use this icon..

    and it was never as well suited to a post as it is in this post.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Happy

      you're kidding, right?

      IT folks are always interested in Hardware!

  18. The_Police!

    My

    what a big truncheon you have officer! Is that yoru third hand? Now please don't give me a ticket!

  19. Equitas
    Happy

    Of little significance

    I thought that the average equipment size among the population of PNG was amongst the smallest in the world. It doesn't seem to be any major disadvantage to them.

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