back to article An unsatisfactory meal in County Antrim

I say, "I could try ringing again." R, my boss, wipes the raindrops off his specs to look at me impatiently, and starts jabbing at his mobile phone. I sit down on our pile of laptops and computer gear. The Warm Welcome Hotel and Guest House, Ballylolly (seven bedrooms, three diamonds, three stars, and a lucky clover) is …

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  1. Roy Stilling

    To be fair to the Northern Ireland tourist industry

    The best guest house we've ever stayed in was in County Tyrone, about eight years ago. Luxurious accommodation, wonderfully friendly and helpful hosts, and it cost a pittance by mainland-UK (or indeed Republic of Ireland) standards because back then people were still reluctant to go to NI because of the recentness of the troubles.

  2. Andy
    Paris Hilton

    Fantastic

    Boil tortured to the point of cellular collapse. A definite addition to my lexicon :-)

  3. Thomas Swann
    Gates Horns

    Hmmm...

    Eat hotel food? What madness is this?!

    Clearly you have yet to attain the rank of Master Expenses Ninja.

  4. Joe

    Supoib!

    Very funny! I love the feeling of apprehension one gets when arriving at a small independent hotel, it's so hard to tell what quirks the proprietor will have (and they nearly always have some).

    Reminds me of the time I asked for a new kettle in my small hotel room. "Why?" The receptionist asked me. "Because there's a large dead spider fused to the heating element," was my reply. I guess previous guests had been enjoying some extra nutrition with their tea...

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Bravo

    "Shared adversity is an excellent single parent for rapid friendship."

    Love it!

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Please,

    Marry me.

  7. Peter Chase
    Thumb Up

    And a fine piece it is, it is

    Ho ho! A latter-day Tobias Smollett!

    Awaiting the book.

  8. Dave
    Jobs Halo

    North Coast?

    Had to be. Portrush or somewhere. All-in-all though, you got a bad deal. Hospitality can be pretty good over there...

    "can"

  9. Ken Moran

    The Quiet Man

    I find this drivel ........ well, drivellous (new word...) ...........

    I have been in so many pubs around London that would make that featured in American Werewolf in London, seem like your best local. So who is this eegit??

    Diddley-eye-diddlye-eye ............ get real, and ditch that John Wayne & Maureen O'Hara movie .....

  10. amanfromMars Silver badge

    Dumb Irish? ..... There is no such thing

    There's bound to be a few quirks after nearly four decades of Troubles but they are a resilient and resourceful bunch, the Irish, and it'll not take them long to sort things out now that the madness is gone.

    Think of it in terms of a mid-life crisis, whenever you get rid of all the old baggage which was putting you down and you emerge refreshed and reinvigorated with a renewed sense of purpose..... and the wit and determination to carry it through.

    In the IT field, the island of Ireland is a Gold Mine just waiting to be MetaDataMined and Connected for its Unique Local Knowledge.

    Work in Progress....

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It's a quaint place really ...

    Being a 'free-stater' and having sailed around the north coast stopping off in various places I can totally relate to this dining experience.

    I particularly recall one enormous unionist landlady assuring us over dinner that the 32 county republic was imminent ... as her face contorted I guess she subconsciously expected this to be some great big dirty orgasm -- "It's comin', it's COMIN'!", she assured us.

    It was late, and we were very grateful when she offered to 'do us a sirion steak', overpriced as it was. After all there was no else in the place and she was about to close. She sat and watched carefully as we chewed endlessly on the wildly overpriced stewing steak covered in rapidly congealing pepper gel....

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