back to article They said what? Quotes of the Year

Back by popular demand, here is our Annual Hall of Stupid, leavened with a few moments of genuine wit. It's a Stephen Fry Free Zone. Almost. “The City Is A Leisuresuit For Surviving The Future” Ben Hammersley of WiReD magazine Tweets his Deepest Thorts. The Ham is now advising the Foreign and Commonwealth Office: your taxes …

COMMENTS

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  1. Jamie Kitson

    peter 3

    Oh come on, that was one of the funniest jokes I've ever read on el Reg.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Well...

    My garden has its own microclimate.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Many a true word is spoken in jest

    I quite like the Independent's angle, more Lesbians please. Well, bi the bi.

    1. Pigeon
      Unhappy

      Re: Lesbian IT angle

      I sadly missed all the Lesbian stuff too (except the Playmobil "Secret Scandinavian Lesbian City"). Maybe it all happens in those newfangled moving 'Flash' thingies, which wont play on my computer because I'm too lazy to keep up with the changing "standards" on my ten year old Sun workstation (not a plug).

  4. Skrrp
    Thumb Up

    RE: "an internet scandal-sheet" ...

    El Reg, if you are pissing people off you are doing your job properly.

    Keep it up.

    1. HaplessPoet
      Paris Hilton

      T'is true!

      There's never any real News on news.bbc.co.ck, its always titbits guaranteed to get miffed of Tunbridge Wells irate!

      I mentioned tits! no other reason!

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Oh, what joy

    >I loved seeing my name, face and the words British citizen on this tiny piece of plastic.

    I've just checked my Spanish id card and it says Nacionalidad: REINO UNIDO, just like that, in bold block capitals so I can be doubly proud of it. Funnily enough it's also got my name and a picture of my face it on it, however it doesn't incite the same level of euphoria as this woman experienced but admittedly I'm not as pretty as she. God knows how she's going to react when she gets one that doesn't have "SPECIMEN" plastered across it.

    Oh, and I can top her nationality, name and face, mines also got a thumbprint on the back.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      @mines also got a thumbprint on the back.

      Give it a clean and a good buff with a soft cloth. Works for my car windows.

  6. Ian Michael Gumby
    Coat

    El Reg reporters should watch Steve Martin's 'The Jerk'

    “I genuinely felt proud and excited when I was finally handed my card. I loved seeing my name, face and the words British citizen on this tiny piece of plastic. That’s who I am, and why shouldn’t anyone know?”

    If El Reg reporters had any decent sense of humor, they would have equated the 'eager beaver' reporter as portraying the same character Steve Martin plays in the movie 'The Jerk'. Ok so maybe its a 'classic' because it was probably filmed before the El Reg reporter was born and I'm showing my age... :-P

    The point is that there's a scene where Steve Martin jumps around in Joy because '... the new phone books are here!, the new phone books are here! ...' (Yes, before there was the internet, people relied on either calling a live operator for directory assistance, or opening up an annual publication called 'a phone book'. The character was excited because his name was in print and he was now a 'somebody' and no longer a 'nobody'.

    Sure El Reg can mock the joy some people take because they now have something that establishes themselves as a 'somebody' but please at least attribute this mockery back to the comedian who first pointed this out...

    Yeah I know. Mine's the winter coat as I go out for my cup of coffee. :-P

    (Now ducking out before the oil cans start springing leaks.)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Happy

      Re 'The Jerk'

      I think this woman would be more aptly compared (by name) to Steve Martin's character's dog in the film.

      Smile: Because I've seen it and I know what it's called.

    2. NRT
      Happy

      A 'phone book'?

      Ha!

      I can remember a time when it was called a 'Telephone Directory'

      Now I'm showing my age.

      Nick.

  7. Mike Flugennock
    Badgers

    re: Alex Foti

    Ouch, my brain just exploded.

  8. Mike Flugennock

    At last I've figured out...

    ...why there'll never be anything like Monty Python on the BBC again. It's damn' near impossible to parody most of the crap being emitted by big-time media figures these days.

  9. Yes Me Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    This post has been deleted by a moderator

    Now that's the one we all wanted to read.

    Paris, cos she must be frustrated too.

  10. John Waterworth
    Unhappy

    Wasted Brain Cells

    Please don't do this too me again. The quotes are funny, but you should have added a couple of words explaining who Nicky Haslam is. I didn't recognise the name, so looked him up. I now know that he is an ancient aristocratic ponce ... sorry, Ponsonby. I was so pissed off at this waste of my time that I will probably remember the name forever. One day I might even make myself look a right tart in a quiz - "Nicky Haslam? Oh yeah, he's an interior designer and his middle name is Ponsonby."

    1. blackworx
      Pint

      Argh me too...

      ...but on the plus side I now have the benefit of knowing what he looks like, so if I ever spot him I can find out for myself if he really *does* have a face I'd never tire of punching.

  11. J 3
    Happy

    That Wikipedia guy...

    At first read I thought he (?) was talking about Google, seriously!

  12. dephormation.org.uk

    Phorm's knuckle dragging moments

    >Well, what did we miss? Let us know.

    What about Kent's priceless "[BT Webwise] will most definitely be online by the end of the year"... followed (shortly after a rights issue) by BT dumping them and Phorm claiming "It is not a great surprise to us, to be honest" and "we have never had a definitive date on a launch".

    Or the cringe making moment Kent told the genius inventor of the web Sir TBL he was ignorant about the way the internet worked.

  13. Mike Flugennock

    Wait a second...

    ...you mean that El Reg's spelling "furor" with an "e" is _correct_ in "The Queen's"?

    Well, I'll be damned. And, here I thought it was a persistent typo. I only mention it because, as my fingers often outrun my brain as I type, I often accidentally add the "e" to "furor" (American spelling) and promptly delete it, as in American, there's no "e" in "furor".

    You learn something new every day, I guess... but still, pronouncing it "furor-ay"? That's just silly. Sounds like the title of an old Italian pop song.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    WTF?

    "my name, face and the words British citizen"

    I've got a passport that says that.

  15. LaeMing
    Troll

    Personally, I can handle the gardens.

    It is the PEOPLE with their own micro-climate that bother me!

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Having seen the 'lovely' Mr Gerard many a time...

    Both in person before he fortunately landed on your shores, and from photos sent to me by misbegotten souls under the misguided belief I'd find him other than uninteresting...

    All I can say is "thank [diety of choice] the photo is cropped"

  17. Anonymous Coward
    WTF?

    Angela Epstein

    She seriously needs locking up, for her safety and our sanity!

    I love watching X-FIles and Twilight Zone, but that sickening drivel in the Manchester Post was probably the scariest thing I have ever read.

    Moonies brainwashing techniques are a alive and well and working out just fine for the UK Gov!

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Epstein

    It's nice to see Angela Epstein's inane and idiotic ramblings recognised at last, the woman torments me every time I'm flipping through the MEN and see the headline on her column.

  19. Paul E

    Does any one else find it funny that.....

    Andrew Orlowski posts an article commenting on what other people have said when 99% of the time we are not allowed to comment on his articles on el reg?

    1. Colin Millar
      Badgers

      The reason why?

      Yes - I found it hilarious.

      Oh - hang on - no I didn't.

      But now he has to moderate this comment too.

      Happy New Year(c)(tm)(pat pending)

  20. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    Joke

    RE photo of Angela Epstein

    Image processed for facial recognition

    Thank you citizen.

  21. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    Happy

    Nathan Barley

    He's well weapon.

    Media bo^&$ks talked and practised.

  22. ShaggyDoggy

    Some

    "sole member of the YesToID" ... brilliant

    and I pronouce it furor-ay since I did Latin at school

    1. TeeCee Gold badge
      Headmaster

      Latin?

      Maybe. Note though that English has two "n"s in "pronounce".

      First rule of linguistic pedantry: The slightest imperfection in any pedantic post that contains even the merest hint of smugness is asking for it. With knobs on.

  23. Neil Cameron-Rollo

    Nicky Haslam

    I am Scottish, you are a T$%T

    1. Swarthy
      WTF?

      Who?

      The feck is he, and why the feck does anyone care what he hates?

      An interior decorator? And his opinion rates higher than my sister's yappy little dustmop (AKA football) why?

  24. Secretgeek
    Grenade

    What a lot of thepwners of those quotes really REALLY need...

    ...is a good hard kick in the crotch for inflicting their tortured use of the english language on the us and for thinking that we should give more than a gnat's bollock sweat drop about what they say.

    Anyway, enough grumpiness.

    Happy New Year everybody!

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Puzzling...

    The BBC called The Reg "an internet scandal-sheet". They say that like it's a bad thing.

  26. James O'Brien
    Paris Hilton

    Well, what did we miss? Let us know.

    Umm...how did you fail to include Eric Schmidts lovely little privacy quote?

  27. Andy Barr
    Headmaster

    A Classic Fry...

    Just for the sake of it, one from Qi - "If God WERE a woman, semen would taste of chocolate."

  28. Neil Hoskins
    Thumb Up

    And?

    Never heard of David Gerard, but that description of the Reg is spot on.

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Welcome

    Angela 'Memento' Epstein extoles

    "when you’re the first member of the public to be issued with a brand spanking new national identity card, it’s a seminal moment."..

    .. “I genuinely felt proud and excited when I was finally handed my card. I loved seeing my name, face and the words British citizen on this tiny piece of plastic. That’s who I am, and why shouldn’t anyone know?”

    I wonder what the first recipient of a yellow star i Nazi Germany thought that meant to his sense of national identity.

    I for one welcome our bewildered overlords.

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