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back to article New Guinea sex cult eyes bumper banana crop

Papua New Guinea police have dispatched officers to a remote village where the leader of a sex cult rather brilliantly promised locals "a bumper banana harvest" if they made the beast with two backs in public. Apparently, the deal was that every time villagers from Yamina in Morobe province got their rocks off, the banana …

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  1. lansalot

    oooh !

    "but Peli had legged it into the bush."

    How many bananas did that earn him ?

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  2. Fred 1

    Sounds plausible

    Perhaps this would explain the recent glut of Essex bananas in the shops.

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  3. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    Another gem!

    Completely pointless, with no IT-angle whatsoever, but I love it!

    Keep 'em coming!

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  4. Mothballs
    Troll

    Fyffe knuckle shuffle

    They sound like a slippery bunch.

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  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Who could possibly believe this?

    I mean what difference can it possibly make? Bananas don't have eyes or ears, so how can they tell?

    Last time I read about such blatant nonsense was here:

    http://regmedia.co.uk/2009/09/08/microsoft_linux_pitch_two.jpg

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  6. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Perfectly logical

    More naked people (males) = more "bananas" on show.

    ..not on show

    ..on show

    ..not on show

    ..on show

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  7. Pavlovs well trained dog
    Grenade

    Britain has dogging hotspots?

    Really?

    oh yeah - I forget, there was that one video on www.youporn - fat ol' slags being mounted by sweaty pale grey grunts tho

    To be honest, looked more 'back garden' than dogging hotspot.

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  8. Richard 81

    @AC 15th Sep 2009 13:53 GMT

    I'd imagine they believe that getting down and doing the worm effects the banana crop on some kind of spiritual level, rather than by giving them the herbal equivalent of the horn.

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  9. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    Now I know

    Why my vegetables are all dry and shrivelled.

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  10. Anonymous Coward
    Alert

    Interestingly...

    ...in Finnish, "peli" means "game".

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  11. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Tried it...

    And It doesn't work with other fruit, made my Plumbs shrivel.

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  12. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    tee hee

    "...guru Thomas Peli has for four months been using threats of violence to enforce his radical banana fertility plan."

    tee-hee, rape! So funny!

    Thanks, Register, for reminding us that you think all geeks are porn-addled rape-lovin' assholes!

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  13. Adam Williamson 1

    essex banana

    Fred 1: "Essex banana" _definitely_ sounds like a euphemism. I'm not sure what for, but you know what I mean :)

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  14. J 3
    FAIL

    @ tee hee AC

    Rape? What rape? Threat of violence could be anything. I didn't see any indication that said violence would be rape -- he could be threatening to beat people up if they refuse to have sex in public. Which is quite different from rape, although they could coincide. But I don't see that in the text.

    Only a porn-addled, rape-lovin' asshole geek would automatically jump to the conclusion they were talking about rape. One track mind, much?

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  15. Pablo
    Paris Hilton

    @ AC 16:21

    Duh. If you coerce someone into having sex, that's rape. End of story. Though I suppose if someone wanted to have sex anyway, but you coerce them into doing it in public instead of private, it wouldn't EXACTLY be rape. But that's splitting hairs IMHO. And it's not clear which happened from the story in any case.

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  16. unitron
    Coat

    It only seems like a change

    Simple, really.

    The banana output is fixed, but in those years when the men fail to rise to the occasion frequently enough, some of them get diverted from their intended destination.

    Mine's the one the contents of whose pockets are strictly for medicinal and educational purposes.

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  17. Big-nosed Pengie
    Paris Hilton

    It can't hurt to try!

    Let's all do it in the road in the expectation that iPhones will fall from the skies and curved yellow fruit will be plentiful.

    Maybe he's got something!

    Paris. Obviously.

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  18. alyn

    Legged it to the bush

    Indeed, he probably had his hand in there!

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