DIY
Little men^h^h^h^h boys everywhere will be finding new uses for Lego.
Italians boffins prove plausibility of spam-javelin spam
Italian scientists appear to have taken an important step in proving that you really can "drive her wild with nine-inch length" and "make girls gasp when unzip flies" by proving that the Andropenis todger-stretch apparatus actually works. According to the Telegraph, volunteers who tried out the penis-extending kit at the …
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Friday 6th March 2009 14:47 GMT Anonymous Coward
"both in the flaccid and stretched state"
But not in the erect state, which is surely what most people would care about. (Or perhaps not. People are strange.)
So it's possible this procedure lengthens the penis while damaging it in a way that makes erections less impressive.
Anyway, how does one measure the length of a *flaccid* penis to such a degree of accuracy that it makes sense to quote hundredths of an inch, even for an average?
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Friday 6th March 2009 14:47 GMT Anonymous Coward
Sense of priority
Top killers in the world in millions:
Coronary heart disease 12.2
Stroke and other cerebrovascular diseases 9.7
Lower respiratory infections 7.1
Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease 5.1
Diarrhoeal diseases 3.7
HIV/AIDS 3.5
Tuberculosis 2.5
Trachea, bronchus, lung cancers 2.3
Road traffic accidents 2.2
Prematurity and low birth weight 2
Keep up the good work, guys,
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Friday 6th March 2009 14:54 GMT Tim
So we are good to "unspam" those mails then?
I am sure that their research was well founded, but i would have thought that an average 47 year old man would have had to get himself into a "guaranteed" position before exposing his "9 inches of love length". Otherwise he is just flashing and the offended young ladies would then call the rozzers to the scene.
And since when did spam actually try and sell stuff? most of it seems to be for data harvesting or back door virus downloading (pardon the pun).
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Friday 6th March 2009 15:44 GMT Don Sinclair
take a leaf out of the professor's book
The need for penis extension has taken an altogether different 'slant' following research undertaken by eminant scientist at the University of Accrington. The breakthrough came during a DIY (not in the way that you think) session at the home of Proffessor Arnold Eckinthwaite. While applying some renovating plaster to the window reveal in his conservatory, his wife Ting Lee Foo-Eckinthwaite accidentaly slipped with a tray of black pudding tempura becoming impailed over the professor's plastering hawk. Had the plaster not been so well set the breakthrough may not have happened, however the entire contents of the board was deposited in the lining of Lee Fook's 'front bottom', reducing the internal circumference by 25% and the overall length of the 'furry love tube' by a wopping 20 cms.
Now I know you are going to say....oh no another woman hater saying that if a woman can't be satisfied she should by a street bollard....no on the contrary.
The couple toiled in vain to remove all of the plaster, which was 'super cured' as a result of contact with body fluids and thought that on the whole (no pun intended) they had suceeded. However, it wasn't until the next session of nookie, when the professor's manhood became trapped in the drastically reduced circumference that the discovery was made.
In order to free himself 'the prof' had to tie (using chemical anchors) the bed to the masonry wall of the bedroom, Lee Fook to the bed head and with the aid of crampons march backwards using a handy anvil as ballast. Finally after about 30 metres the profs manhood freed itself, severely grazing the prof's chin and spraying plaster based shrapnel through windows and into a nearby stable.
The prof's 'mutton dagger', after the initial swelling had diminished had reched an impressive 15 metres in length, but a dissapointing 5mm in girth. But the prof, forever the optimist stated 'This discovery could benefit the whole of human-kind not only in termsof penis length, but in cost savings in the purchase of luxury items such as SWING BALL.
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Friday 6th March 2009 22:00 GMT Anonymous Coward
Observing the flaccid length - what about the 'Measurement Problem'
Basically, this quantum mechanics theory states [something like] it is 'difficult' to conduct a measurement upon a subject without inherently introducing a unwanted side-effect, which in itself skewers the measurement.
So, might we assume that the gentle, but noticeable, attempt to measure one's manhood MIGHT have contributed to the claimed increase in 'stature' ('Think of Italy', 'Think of Italy', 'Think of Italy', .......).
I was never confused!!!
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Friday 6th March 2009 22:00 GMT Anonymous Coward
@ Hazel Rees
"Why do guys always want a long one?"
To impress the other guys in locker rooms. It's really quite hilarious the way indubitably straight dudes try to surreptitiously scope out the other dudes' cocks. [N.B. no effete British "todger" allowed.]
Incidentally, this explains as well the emphasis on flaccid length because a straightboy with an erection in the locker room takes great pains to conceal it lest it be used as evidence of a deviant sexuality.
Don't ask about locker rooms at gay gyms, please.
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Friday 6th March 2009 22:00 GMT Anonymous Coward
Now you too can then tie a sock...
...around the base when she complains about it bashing against her cervix.
That really hurts :-(
(Well it really depends on the woman - we vary internally as much as men vary externally, as for girth, the vagina is designed to firmly grip whatever it gets within reason - takes about 2 minutes to get there though, so some guys probably do need the extra girth from the start. Don't they teach basic sexual biology where you come from?)
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Saturday 7th March 2009 00:27 GMT Anonymous Coward
@ why is length important?
What have your needs and requirements got to do with anything? We have to live with the fear of being shorter than our peers 9usually when drunk and or depressed). Posturing and justification is only for when one is in (drunken?)company.
With this, there is potentially no need for other common (and expensive) italian penis extensions to re-assure a man of his worth, when he can measure things by small multiples of himself.
screw *my* Christmas list, i'm giving this Christmas cheer to as many people as I can reasonably afford this year :D
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Sunday 8th March 2009 00:46 GMT Anonymous Coward
Re: Erect Length
They said they studied stretched length, stretched length and erect length are essentially the same thing, according to a very strong statistical correlation.
But really common sense too, think about it a second, how is a moderate increase in internal pressure supposed to stretch it longer than you can do by clamping the thing and pulling until it won't go any more?
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Biting the hand that feeds IT
